Florida Woman Achievement Unlocked!
Mission accomplished. pic.twitter.com/NyDf2CgOtw
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) February 8, 2019
From The Tampa Bay Times:
TAMPA — A gator. A beer. A pack of cigarettes. A shotgun.
To Lindsey Tuttle, that’s a Florida Woman.
And in a maternity shoot that went semi-viral on Facebook in the past week, the 26-year-old Tampa native put an exact visual to the stereotype she loves.
The dramatic photograph shows Tuttle on a dirt road out in Myakka City, clad in black boots and half-unzipped denim shorts, cradling a live alligator (fed from a baby bottle by husband Jonathan) and staring off into the distance, as a shotgun gently rests on a bright blue case of Bud Light. The state flag waves behind her, claiming the territory for all Florida-kind.
“Alligators don’t like to bottlefeed, apparently,” the caption reads. The alligator’s name is Fred.
“It turned out perfect,” she said Saturday. “This is like the exact vision I had of a Florida Woman shoot.”
Tuttle said though the photo has gotten some criticism — she assures that she didn’t just snatch the alligator out of the wild, and the gun is an old family heirloom — most people have been nice about it.
“I knew it would have elicited a reaction, just because it’s so over-the-top and ridiculous,” she said.
The leg tats, the unbuttoned, too small daisy dukes, and the shotgun are all nice touches that tie the whole scene together.
Open thread!
I’ll confess: I laughed.
Oy vey.
I guess a MAGA hat would have been overkill.
EDIT: This is like that bar game where you have to circle all the differences between two images…except in this one you have to circle all the pieces of red meat. Pregnant woman. Case of Bud Light. Shotgun. Daisy Dukes. Thigh tattoo. Baby alligator. That flag. What else am I missing? EDIT2: Oh, yeah, the Dukes are unzipped.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been on that road in Myakka City over the years. The Aikishrine is near there.
where’s the oversized pickup truck with the coal roller installed?
As a FLorida Man I call FOUL
Ahem. Nowhere do I see a meth lab bathtub, which, by rights, she should be precariously standing in and fixing to slip upon in her cowboy boots, causing her to fall down into, splitting her head wide open and prompting the gator to latch onto her newly exposed led zeppelin, inducing her mate to take up his shootin’ arn in defense of her fallen virtue.
Back to the drawing board for you, missie.
@poleaxedbyboatwork:
That’s Arkansas!
Bah. I’ve seen more Florida-types here on my local news.
That is a beguiling baby alligator.
OMG! They’re cloning these people now!
I swear to God, this very same couple lives just a couple of blocks over. Just swap out the Flori-duh flag for the traitorous Stars and Bars, and the gator with an Armadillo!
@The Midnight Lurker: I think I may have seen this same picture with a raccoon as well. And maybe another with a possum. It’s the new American Gothic.
‘Cause I’m a redneck woman
I ain’t no high class broad
I’m just a product of my raisin’
And I say “Hey y’all” and “Yee Haw”
And I keep my Christmas lights on my front porch all year long
And I know all the words to every Charlie Daniels song
So here’s to all my sisters out there keeping it country
Let me get a big “Hell Yea” from the redneck girls like me
Hell yeah!
Hell yeah!
“Redneck Woman”, Gretchen Wilson
@Keith P.: His and Her Beerbellies.
Those boots really tied the look together…
@John Revolta
Punch line from an old, old, old joke involving a country general store, a fetching female clerk and an elderly gent –
She: “Yours raisin too?”
He: “No, but it’s twitchin’ a mite.”
@NotMax:
The shotgun is aimed straight at her Oy-vey-jay.
I was in line behind California man at Whole Foods (where else?) tonight. Down jacket for sub-60 degree weather, shorts, Vans, and a greying man-bun. My people! I’m sure that his black Tesla was in the parking lot.
@West of the Rockies: That was what BettyC said when I texted this to her the other day!
@SiubhanDuinne: Where’s the dog? Need a dog to stumble over the loaded shotgun that they propped up on the case of Bud with the safety removed.
It’s happened, folks! A lot!
@Siubhan Duinne
(rimshot):)
Looks like we’ll be heading back to the Tampa Bay area in the next few months. Our friends there just can’t get vacation time off from their jobs to visit with us.
Of course it’s Tampa. That whole I-4 corridor is weird man…
@Mike in NC:
This is what we call a hint…//
@Adam L Silverman:
Sadly true.
@Adam L Silverman: And here my cousins and brother have been having fun putting together the missing family stories about how our grandmother stayed at the 64,000 square foot home of a velly wealthy family and was soloist at a concert by the Cincinnati Symphony (hired by said velly wealthies). And how her husband sang at the Royal Albert Hall. And AL throws Arkansas to the floor when my uncles from said podunk state went to MIT and Havaad… then designed the space suits and Lunar and Mars Explorers… harrumph –
Arkansas man… I’ll have ya’ll know that we know how to put on airs. I do declare.
(True stories about wildly overachieving ancestors from sad states.)
@Adam L Silverman:
My MIL from Arkansas would be SO OFFENDED. But it’s totally true.
@OldDave: @Dan B: I taught at the University of Central Arkansas in Conway for a year on a visiting line. Beautiful campus. Good colleagues. Good students.
“‘Gamergate’ Advocate Arrested on Allegations of Molesting Child”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/.....ing-child/
Every reichwing accusation is a confession.
@Elizabelle: Thought the family likeness was striking.
@Jay: Shocked, I’m shocked that there is gambling going on in this establishment.
@The Midnight Lurker:
Tickhound or it doesn’t even register as Floriduh Dog.
@SiubhanDuinne: I used to have a blue tick.
@West of the Rockies: NIce marmot.
Worst Farmersonly.com commercial ever.
@SiubhanDuinne: NOT that I want to see any harm come to the (drinking?) pregnant woman, her poor unborn baby, her dumbass husband, or the tickhound (sub-species: Floriduh Dog.)
@Adam L Silverman:
We had a gorgeous blue tick, best dog ever 💗
Couch dog ☺️
@MagdaInBlack: In January 1995, when driving back from New Mexico to Philadelphia where I was living, I came across a dog running loose down the middle of I70 about 70 miles east of Kansas City. It was between 0 and 4 degrees out. In fact I’d delayed driving home by two days because of the cold front and ice it brought with it to ensure I wouldn’t get stranded. I flip flopped at the next exit about a 1/2 mile ahead, got back on 70 going west, pulled onto the median and tried to snag the dog. It worked on the second try when he stopped and went up to my 4Runner because he heard my two dogs barking. I grabbed him, loaded him into the car, got in, and drove to the next exit, got off, checked his collar. No tags. Went into all the shops to see if anyone had been in reporting a lost blue tick coonhound. No one had. Did the same thing on the other side as I flipped to get back on going east. He settled right in. He was skin and bones. About an hour or so later, as I was coming up on the bedroom communities west of St. Louis, I saw a sign for a vets just off the interstate. Got off, went in, got the vet and the techs, and we literally had to drag him into the vet’s office. They checked him for a microchip, but he didn’t have one. They figured he was about 2, he was definitely not neutered, and was either a hunting dog that ran off/broke out of his kennel because he got wind of a bitch in heat or he was dumped. They figured he’d spent his entire life outside in a hunting kennel. I was booked into a LaQuinta in Indianapolis that night. So he went back into the car with my girls and we pushed on. Called my vets and made an appointment for Monday. Called the manager of my apartment, explained what happened, and that I might be fostering for a bit, and she was fine with it. Got to the LaQuinta, checked in, explained I’d picked up a stray. They were great. Gave me newspaper to put down, etc, etc. Got some food into him and was glad I’d put newspaper down. Got him into the tub and gave him a bath with the flea shampoo and pulled all the ticks off of him. Then we settled in for the night. Hit a petsmart the next day on my way around Pittsburgh as there was one right off the interstate. Took him and the girls in. He freaked like at the vets. Tried to climb onto a display and hide behind the leashes. The store workers helped out by getting me what I needed – bowls, leash, collar, harness, name tag with my number on it, then back in the car and the last push for home. Got home, got him and the girls into my apartment, got unloaded and unpacked, got everyone fed and cleaned up and settled in. Got him to the vets. My vet had grown up outside of KC, she knew exactly where I found him. Other than being malnourished, he only had intestinal worms, which we treated. I nursed him back to health. The next year in in Arkansas he developed separation anxiety induced colitis, so we treated that and the separation anxiety. The following year he head a stomach bloat. They brought him back as he died on the table, got him fixed up, etc. The following year, two weeks before I was to leave for train up to Iraq, he threw a massive brain stem stroke and when I got home from running a 30 minute errand, found him collapsed in his crate. Got him out, got him into the 4Runner, got him to the vets, he rallied a bit on the ten minute drive over, and he was dead as they got him into the clinic. He’d bled out internally.
He was my exceptionally good boy!
And with that I’m going to go watch rugby and give my two current girls some belly rubs!
@Adam L Silverman:
Wow! Thats quite a story….mine is simply that we got her from a free to good home, they thought she was Blue Healer. Nope, not with those ears and that coat .
And one tangle with a raccoon investigating chicken house proved it…..she treed it like a pro ☺️
I do miss having dogs.
(No, we did not kill it…..relocation)
Not only do these two idiots have the right to vote, but they’re actually reproducing & continuing their DNA in this world?!
Sweet Baby Jesus, help us.
@Adam L Silverman: You are a true mensch, Adam. A million blessings on your head for your love for that poor dog. We need more people like you in the world.
@columbusqueen:
Isnt it amazing what these 4 foots bring out in us.
@MagdaInBlack: When I passed him going east, once my mind recognized what I’d seen was a dog, I could hear my dad, who’d died 13 months before, say “we don’t leave dogs to die”. So I didn’t. He was always high energy. Even when we were running 3 miles a day. He couldn’t be loose anywhere or he’d bolt. And he was convinced once breakfast or dinner were gone he’d never see another meal. But he was a good boy. And he was rounding out behaviorally.
@Adam L Silverman:
Sorry Adam, but they live in our hearts forever.
@columbusqueen: Thanks for the kind words.
Not sure that we need more Jewish susquatch-human hybrids, but it’s worth considering.//
@Jay: Also, I have pictures!!!
And with that, now that my current youngest four foot has settled back in after needing to go out, it’s back to the rugby and dog bellies for me!
@Adam L Silverman:
Thats how we got our collie shepherd mutt…husband came home with her…..said she’d been sitting by road all day….so he opened car door, she jumped in, Viola!….Sugar joined the menagerie.
Go rub bellies ✨
Along with those traitor- worshipping monuments, the southern states should lose the flags that glorify the stars and bars. Put that shameful history away and stop worshipping the lost cause.
For Adam in case he hasn’t seen it, thread:
Speculation, but possibly informed.
@Duane: That flag isn’t glorifying the stars and bars. It’s based on the Spanish saltire, and memorializes the Spanish colonial past.
@Sab: Took a shot at that one. Should have known. Too much generalization gets you everytime. Good catch and thanks.
@Keith P.: I’m going with “Rest On The Flight Into Egypt”.
@Duane: That’s okay. I went to elementary school in Florida, and they always pounded into us how old it was (by American standards.) St. Augustine was founded in 1565, which was long before New England or Virginia.
Check out the flag, especially the state seal in the middle. It is very weird and busy. It even has a steamboat off in the background.
@Sab: Duane: Wikipedia says you are right. Florida flag wasn’t adopted unril 1900. Referencing back to Spain to disguise the Confederate reference.
@poleaxedbyboatwork: FTW!
Who the HELL would try to bottle feed an alligator? And what would they feed it? Would this be a situation where SNL’s old “Bassmaster” commercial could come in handy?
Who the HELL would try to bottle feed an alligator? And what would they feed it? Would this be a situation where SNL’s old “Bassmaster” commercial could come in handy?
@SiubhanDuinne: Oh good, I’m not the only one who noticed!