Greetings from the Polar Vortex

Fuck this shit.

Also, I had a sleeve of Ritz crackers that I put on the table next to my chair in the living room, went to do some stuff, came back, and the crackers were gone. I knew immediately who was responsible, and sure enough, Thurston was on the beck deck in -3 weather eating MY GOD DAMNED CRACKERS.

107 replies
  1. 1
    chopper says:

    fuckin’ global waming.

  2. 2
  3. 3

    Now I want some Ritz crackers.

  4. 4
    Juju says:

    Bad dog. On the other hand, leaving crackers unattended is like flashing a roll of twenties in a quickie mart parking lot.

    I hope they weren’t the bacon Ritz, those are pretty good. A regular Ritz sleeve I could stand to lose.

  5. 5
    laura says:

    Thurston has a very high metabolism and his actions were merely a survival instinct.
    He’s like a hummingbird. If hes not wearing a sweater, you should consider offering him the other “sleeve.”

    I’ll show myself out…..

  6. 6
    Jharp says:

    I’m readying myself to take our dogs down 4 flights of stairs to do their business in -3 degree weather.

  7. 7
    geg6 says:

    It’s cold and he needs extra fuel. And does he have a sweater? My pups are both sweatered up. Koda doesn’t really need one, being a lab and all, but she gets jealous when Lovey has one on.

  8. 8
    sfinny says:

    I took in a cat from a neighbor who was in the hospital. Have had her for several weeks and just learned that her original owner is going to an assisted living facility, so I have a new kitty. Which is pretty great and annoying. I forgot how much kittens get into everythingl.

  9. 9
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Minus 3 and you are talking about the Polar Vortex? Please.

  10. 10
    zhena gogolia says:

    I want a picture.

  11. 11
    laura says:

    @Major Major Major Major: You know it’s the shits if it sits on a Ritz us what we said in our family, back in the day, when no gathering occurred without the steady presence of the Ritz cracker before whatever the meal was.
    I’m so glad your velvety pelted, fog colored Kiki is back where he belongs, right by your side.

  12. 12
    Old Dan and Little Ann. says:

    My last 2 dogs wanted nothing to do with being left outside for more than a minute alone. The 5 month old lab would freeze to death in my backyard before he wanted to come in. And its -20 ferfuck’s sake!

  13. 13
    jacy says:


    Kitty! Sometimes surprise kitties are the best kitties. But, yeah, having a kitten after not having had a kitten in a while is… experience. (For me, specifically, I forgot that if you move your foot under the covers in the middle of the night that’s totally fair game for attack.)

  14. 14
    Old Dan and Little Ann says:

    My last 2 dogs didn’t want to be outside alone for a minute. The 5 month old lab would freeze to death before wanting in from my backyard tonight. And it’s -20 ferfuck’s sake!

  15. 15
    wasabi gasp says:

    I wanna sit on your beck deck and munch on your crackers.

  16. 16
    Adam L Silverman says:

    My four foots got some popcorn and a paleo flour pancake today. They also went for a nice walk before the temperature dropped into the 40s.

  17. 17
    japa21 says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: My thinking exactly. Right now that would be a heat wave where we are.

    Some people are just wusses. Not that I am saying JC is.

  18. 18
    Geeno says:

    We’re just on the edge of it here – -2°F (-17 w/ wind chill)

  19. 19
    jl says:

    You dang kids these days, I remember when this polar vortex global warming stuff was just some crazy theory. Dang it, I remember when the prediction that global warming would loosen the polar vortex in a way that would make periodic high pressure areas over the gulf of Alaska and drought out California was just some crazy theory. Then it happened.

    Congrats to Thurston for eating the crackers out in the -3 outside. If Cole had the same dedication, he would have gotten the cookies.

  20. 20
    MazeDancer says:


    Enjoy the kitteness. It will be gone in a couple months. It is frightening how fast they grow.

    Minus 3, here, too. Which is cold. But not the insane ninus 50 of the MidWest.

  21. 21
    Steve in the ATL says:

    Speaking of polar vortices, in a couple of months I’m going to Egypt for a week or so. What travel tips do you good people have for me?

  22. 22

    @sfinny: You never know how your next love is going to come to you. Congratulations.

  23. 23
    Martin says:

    Cole must be related to my wife. She’ll do the same thing – leaving food where a pet can reach it, and then be outraged that the pet reached it.

  24. 24
    satby says:

    @japa21: seriously, it’s -15 here right now and going down to -23 overnight before climbing into the balmy -4s tomorrow. All straight temps, not wind chills.
    In weather like this I used to seal up the critter door. I had to start bringing them out one at a time because two of them would stop moving when their paws got cold and I had to be able to carry them in.

  25. 25
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steve in the ATL: Take all your pictures at the Sphinx facing away from the city or you’ll have to explain why the KFC is right across the street from the Sphinx and in all your photos.

  26. 26
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: one of my childhood memories of Chicago is the macho fever that strikes men during blizzards. No one wants to be the guy who couldn’t make it to the office because it was -3, heavy winds, and snowing hard with three feet accumulated already.

    Whereas in Atlanta, a city populated mostly by northerners, we shut down when there is no snow at all.

  27. 27
    Chacal Charles Calthrop says:

    Here in the wimpy east coast it is 9F. And my cat has a cat door into Her Territory which must be patrolled or there is the possibility that Some Other Cat could claim it.
    She just went out to patrol and blasted back through the cat door at a run four minutes later.

  28. 28
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steve in the ATL: I brought a hat with me this morning.

  29. 29
    satby says:

    Seriously, this is instant frostbite weather for some of us. Including critters.

  30. 30
    JaneE says:

    Thurston did not leave a pile of cracker crumbs on your living room floor. That is a very considerate dog.

  31. 31
    Jeffro says:

    It’s a little chilly out. I just walked the dog with my arctic-level knit cap on, scarf wrapped tight around my face, two coats, the whole nine yards.

    Normally even in 30-degree weather I’m like, eh, coat, cap, slide into some loafers sans socks…NOT. TONIGHT. Even the dog was like, “I don’t have to go all that bad…this could’ve waited…”

  32. 32
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:


    After just experiencing the warmest December on record, much of Australia is still enduring a sweltering January, with many new high-temperature records being set. The brutal heat waves have resulted in health warnings being issued, telling residents to stay indoors and to take special notice of animals in their care. Overtaxed power grids have failed several times, leaving thousands without power; wildfires are burning in Tasmania; and wild animals are suffering as watering holes dry up. Last week, the town of Port Augusta set a new record high of 121 degrees Fahrenheit (49.5 degrees Celsius). Forecasts have the heat lasting at least through the end of January, possibly leading to yet another hottest-month record.

    link to a collection of photos at the Atlantic

  33. 33
    different-church-lady says:

    OK, this is really getting my goat: this cold air is not THE polar vortex. This cold air is result of the collapse of the polar vortex.

  34. 34
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @different-church-lady: You have a goat? Does it have a name?

  35. 35
    different-church-lady says:

    @jl: When I was a kid we wouldn’t bother standing on a lawn until it got down below freezing.

  36. 36
    different-church-lady says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: William.

  37. 37
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @different-church-lady: Excellent. Traditional and yet dignified.

  38. 38
    different-church-lady says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: His friends call him Butthead.

  39. 39
    debbie says:

    Thurston has spunk. I like spunk.

  40. 40
    catclub says:


    bacon Ritz

    I had no idea. Is it maple bacon? That might be pretty good.

  41. 41
    different-church-lady says:

    @debbie: Phrasing!

  42. 42
    catclub says:

    If he was on the beck deck, was he still at Cole’s beck and call?

  43. 43
    Fair Economist says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: You totally nailed it in comment 8 of the last post!

  44. 44
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Adam L Silverman: you know me–I’m all about the ‘gram!

    @Omnes Omnibus: well played

  45. 45
    Juju says:

    @catclub: just bacon.

  46. 46
    eemom says:

    I had a sleeve of Ritz crackers that I put on the table next to my chair in the living room, went to do some stuff, came back, and the crackers were gone.

    What part of “dog” do you not understand?

  47. 47
    catclub says:

    @JaneE: I am not sure it is yet out of the range of possibility that those crackers get re-deposited on the LR floor.

    Ritz crackers are buttery rich – I sound like advertising copy.

  48. 48
    japa21 says:

    I was thinking today how my car, in the last 5+ months has registered a temp of +114 (August in NV) and -23 (today).

  49. 49
    NotMax says:

    Based on past posts and incidents had not choice but to laugh at this unsupported assumption:

    my chair

    Also too, were you planning to eat the sleeve’s entire contents in one sitting? That’s a whole lotta salt.

  50. 50
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Juju: Bacon Ritz, eh? How long have these been around? Are they sufficiently bacony?

  51. 51
    dww44 says:

    Reading John’s post and the comments has ended my day quite nicely. With a warm feeling to offset the collapsing polar vortex, I’m off to bed..

  52. 52
    different-church-lady says:

    Had a revelation a couple of days ago: Salted caramel is literally nothing but salt and sugar.

  53. 53
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @different-church-lady: that’s why I butter it– protein

  54. 54
    stinger says:

    @debbie: William: “Well…” blushes in agreement.

  55. 55
    Gin & Tonic says:

    I’m back in Buenos Aires, where it’s 1:00 am and 81 degrees.

  56. 56

    @Omnes Omnibus: I know, it’s down to the mid-50’s here. Brrrrr…

  57. 57
    jl says:

    @NotMax: ” were you planning to eat the sleeve’s entire contents in one sitting? ”

    That addressed to Cole or Thurston? Thurston surely was.

  58. 58

    I guess it’s pretty cold out. It’s a little chilly inside even! I was out a few hours ago and it was okay, but I was wearing two layers of wool and a giant scarf too. Husband is watching some old French musical. Thinking about watching some dumb sci-fi myself. And I still want some Ritz crackers.

  59. 59
    Jay says:

    If y’all could put the Polar Vortex back where it belongs, when y’all are done with it,

    that would be greatly appreciated,


    A Canadian.

  60. 60
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Gin & Tonic: the son of one of my law school friends was doing a year abroad there and got hit by a bus. So be careful, assuming you don’t want to spend a couple of months in a Argentine hospital then get transported back to California for more surgeries and PT.

  61. 61
    NotMax says:

    Sometimes the timing works, sometimes it doesn’t.

    Glad to have managed to sneak in a partial lawn mowing this past Sunday afternoon as it has been raining day and night since and forecast not to let up for days yet.

  62. 62
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Steve in the ATL: I try not to get hit by a bus in every city I travel to.

  63. 63
    khead says:

    Chilling in nice warm bed with Coal the cat – the little kitteh who helped save his entire family. People who leave their animals outside on a night like this should be rounded up and sent to Siberia.

  64. 64
    different-church-lady says:


    People who leave their animals outside on a night like this should be rounded up and sent to Siberia.

    …where it’s warmer?

  65. 65
    Juju says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Remember, it’s a Ritz cracker, so start there, but yes, it’s surprisingly bacony.

  66. 66
  67. 67
    Lymie says:

    @debbie: I know I should recognize that

  68. 68
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Gin & Tonic: well aren’t you the savvy traveler….

  69. 69

    @Jay: Just let Trump know it’s from Canada, he’ll want to deport it.

  70. 70
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Lymie: it’s almost what Lou Grant said to Mary Richards during her job interview

  71. 71
  72. 72
    Jay says:


    We tried that, but he’s clinging to it along with all the RWNJ’s as proof that Global Warming is a Chinese plot. He’s hoping it will stick around long enough to be introduced as evidence and be forced to testify at the US/China Trade talks.

  73. 73
    Aleta says:

    @Gin & Tonic: Also watch out for tripping and skinning your knees.

  74. 74
    CaseyL says:

    Nice to see that time has not withered nor custom staled Thurston’s capacity for mischief.

    IIRC correctly, “The Day After Tomorrow” got some flak for being scientifically inaccurate regarding climate change. Among the things people picked on was the collapsing polar vortex sending out cold fronts that froze people to death in less than a minute. I think some retroactive apologies to the film makers are in order.

  75. 75
    Skepticat says:

    I have only one question for the day. Did Gov. Matt “Blithering” Blevin go outside today after complaining that schools were closed in life-threatening temperatures? He did say “We’re getting soft,” so perhaps he was referring to himself. Would someone in Kentucky please find him, throw him out in the yard, and lock all the doors and windows behind him?

  76. 76
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: If it’s a Canadian polar vortex run amok, we could also say it’s singing the praises of universal healthcare and of raising the top tax margin to pay for it.

    You’ll have Howard Schultz and the whole GOP on TV trashing it in no time.

  77. 77
    khead says:


    Perhaps I should have gone with Rura Penthe instead?

  78. 78
    NotMax says:

    Had planned to cook a big pot o’ bean soup this afternoon, which requires a minimum two hours’ simmering. What turned out to be a major (and delicious) five hour nap in the afternoon intervened so only just now turned the stove on. Gonna be an ultra-late din-din.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Before anyone asks, no, not with bacon. Don’t care much for the taste of bacon.

  79. 79
    Jay says:


    Do you have a pressure cooker or instapot?

    Cuts the cooking time way way down.

  80. 80
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Steve in the ATL: It makes sense now.
    After April is g*dawful hot, and my friend who was there in April 2017 called it hot then but he’s a bit of a wuss. Plan on not being cold.

  81. 81
    NotMax says:


    Rura Penthe sounds like a name for one of those foreign ports teeming with spies and sundry unsavories which might be mentioned in a Hardy Boys book.


  82. 82
    NotMax says:


    Have an Instant Pot – and worship it – but this particular soup does better on the stove top. Also too, as my IP is the smallest model, the amount I’m making would require two sessions (pressions?).

  83. 83
    Matt Smith says:

    I feel your pain. Tonight my husband ate all the baklava and other Lebanese sweets that I thought we were gonna share.

    @eemom: I know, I know, what part of “husband” do I not understand?

  84. 84
    satby says:

    @NotMax: I made bean soup a couple of days ago with leftover pork rib tips. Delicious, warm, filling… nothing like a cup of hot soup on a cold day.
    Tomorrow I’m thinking of making avgolemono soup in the instant pot. Still have some cold days to get through 😱

  85. 85
    NotMax says:


    avgolemono soup

    Drooling commenced locally.

    Experimenting making a sort of faux Italian wedding soup with this pot of bean soup by using meatballs in it.

  86. 86
    Dr. Ronnie James, D.O. says:

    My stepmom used to make a dessert from 2 Ritz crackers, with peanut butter in between, dipped in chocolate. ZOMG was it good, like a Butterfinger, but flakier.

  87. 87
    NotMax says:


    Tip (which I’m sure you know but others may not): Let the eggs come to room temp (or close to it) before cracking them.

  88. 88
    The Dangerman says:

    …avgolemono soup…

    I’ll add a yummmmmmmm here, too.

    As for Cole and the pooch, I suggest two potential corrective actions:

    A) No crackers where dogs can reach and see them unattended (the rough equivalent of leaving a bunch of quarter pounders around the White House right now, you just know the current House Dog can’t possibly resist);

    B) If not A, at least have the decency to leave out a corresponding humus or similar dip in the same location for the pooch’s culinary delights.

  89. 89
    Jay says:

    It’s not cold here, havn’t had cold all winter, desperately need some,

    Probably gonna make cabbage roll soup tomorrow for a change from bbq.

  90. 90
    NotMax says:


    BTW came across another Instant pot recipe site I liked enough to bookmark in addition to the ones have mentioned in the past.

  91. 91
    Achrachno says:

    @khead: Oh, come on! It’s only 55° out right now. She can take it — but still won’t want to.

  92. 92
    eemom says:

    …avgolemono soup…

    My Mom, who is a 100% pure Greek, made it tonight, and it was sooooooooooo good. 😋

  93. 93
    J R in WV says:

    Thurston was on the beck [sic] deck in -3 weather eating MY GOD DAMNED CRACKERS.

    My Grandmother next door had a Great Dane (Hi TaMAra) when I was a little kid. Named Jerry… he once took a holiday turkey off the high lunch counter in the kitchen — ate that bird right there on the kitchen floor.

    G’ma was so glad there was already a ham in the oven!!

    Phooey on your Ritz crackers, open another roll!! Call back when Thurston eats the family dinner..

  94. 94
    rikyrah says:

    Do you have a picture of them?🤗

  95. 95
    rikyrah says:

    Oh Cole….you should have known better 😊😚

  96. 96
    rikyrah says:

    Looks delicious 😋

  97. 97
    Gemina13 says:

    Watching the news from Chicago today took me back to my childhood. I grew up there during the hideous winters of 1976-77, 1977-78, and 1978-79. After the last one, my mother got on her knees in the kitchen and prayed, “God, you get me out of here, and I swear I will never live in a cold-ass place again.” We moved to Arizona in August 1979.

    I’ve seen the Chicago River frozen over, so that was no big deal. Nor was seeing the El tracks on fire (gotta have the switch heaters to keep the trains from derailing on frozen tracks). But seeing the covered roofs reminded me of how my older brother and his then-wife made bank in 1977-78 and 1978-79. They lived in Des Plaines, and would go around to their neighbors with an offer to shovel snow off their roofs. You have to clear that shit off, or you run the risk of a heavy load of snow collapsing your roof. They charged $25 a roof, and made somewhere around $300 after each snowfall. Serious money back then.

    Now I live in Tacoma and work in Seattle. It was 45 degrees in the Emerald City, and I kept hearing about the subzero temperatures in the Midwest while thinking, I hate to complain when we’re 85 degrees warmer than most of the country, but i’m fucking cold right now. Much as I despise Howard Schultz right now, I would not have said no to a steaming pitcher of chai latte this morning.

    Also, my cat Penny loves crackers, bread, Oreo cookies (golden wafers, not chocolate), and potato chips. Tonight she was sprawled on my SO’s chest, drowsing while he played Fallout 76. He had a bag of All-Dressed Ruffles on his desk. She shifted so that she could put her head in the bag, bit into a chip almost the size of her head, jumped down, and took a couple of bites before walking away in disgust. (She has, in the past, eaten Townhouse Crackers, golden Oreos, and red curry flavored potato chips).

  98. 98
    Gemina13 says:

    @NotMax: I made an Italian sausage soup in my InstantPot this weekend. Now my SO is insisting I make another pot soon. It was absolutely amazing, and only took about 30 minutes to cook.

  99. 99
    NotMax says:


    Sounds delish.

  100. 100
    Sab says:

    @Gemina13: I still have a roof rake I got in Grand Rapids in 1980. I’ve hauled it all over the country with me and have never used it since I left there in 1984.

  101. 101
    NotMax says:


    In some old colonial towns one can still see what were called snow eagles along the edges of the roof. Decorative projections to divide the snow into smaller segments so it could fall from the slope of the roof more readily on its own.

  102. 102
    Sab says:

    @NotMax: I have seen those, but I didn’t know what they were for.

  103. 103
    OzarkHillbilly says:


  104. 104
    sherparick says:

    @different-church-lady: Correct. It’s a warm 32 degrees F (0 degrees C) at Svalbard (Spitzbergen), well above the Arctic circle. ttps://

    For more about how these eddies from the Arctic will become more frequent, see

  105. 105
    Dupe1970 says:

    @laura: I wish I could like comments as this is accurate and true.

  106. 106
    gammyjill says:

    @sfinny: Glad you’re taking in the cat. Your neighbor must be very relieved.

  107. 107
    debbie says:


    Slightly altered, actually. Lou Grant (Ed Asner) to Mary Tyler Moore: “You got spunk. I hate spunk.”

Comments are closed.