Sister Devon and I had another nice day- Devon spent a good deal of time at the beach, and I spent a good bit of time floating in the pool- I call it doing manatee impressions. Spent some time splashing around with some of the local kids, who are on Christmas vacation, and I impressed them by knowing some Fortnite dances by name. We all pissed off the old grumpy guy who was sunbathing on the chair and expected to remain totally dry at the pool. Fuck him.
Afterwards, Devon and I went to dinner and people watched (I had ceviche and a chile relleno, she had something vegetarian and a tequila). We passed the time playing a game I made up called “escort or daughter,” which is honestly much harder than one would think. More on this in a minute.
We then went to a shoe store of hand made shoes from Spain (true story, I gasped and said “SHOES!” and made a beeline for the place), where I picked up a fancy pair of shoes for BFF Tammy:
Devon tried on a bunch of pairs but could not make up her mind, and the salesman (Juan Cortez is his name) turned to me and said “You should just buy a pair for your daughter.”
And just like that, the game of “escort or daughter” was ruined for me.
We’re home now, and I am nursing my bruised psyche and watching more Boston Legal.
ruemara
But where are your shoes, Cole?
Miss Bianca
Oh, JC, JC…hoist by your own petard, by God! OUCH. ; )
SiubhanDuinne
I swear to God this is true, I read that and thought it said “hand made shoes from Spam.” But then, nothing, NOTHING, about JGC in South Beach would surprise me.
SiubhanDuinne
I
Am
Laughing
So
Fucking
Hard
I
May
Never
Recover.
khead
I hope you bought them shoes for Devon, Pops.
sukabi
lol, time to question the hell out of magic mirror, that lying bastard!
John Revolta
Heh.
Also, you don’t know it, but you stumbled onto the secret to playing “Escort or Daughter”. Look at the shoes!
Brendan in NC
Two New Years ago, was at a bar with a female friend. She is, to be fair, almost half my age.
Drunk boyfriend of some I know taps me on the shoulder, and says, “Wife, or daughter”. Friend leans over, and says to him, “Both”. He gets this look on his face, and his girlfriend darn near fell off her barstool, she was laughing so hard.
JPL
lol My DIL taught me the game are they on their first date. Being old that was new to me, but, next time we are dining I will ask about your game.
Barbara
Those are nice shoes. Definitely, buy a pair for your sis!
David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch
World of sports lost a giant, today:
Rest in peace, Super Dave Osborne
Daredevil to the end. (link)
Schlemazel
I had to attend a work conference in Las Vegas. There were 3-4 of us coming from MN and were were walking toward baggage claim. Up ahead I see another employee with the cheapest looking floozy I have ever seen. Huge spike heels, Super tight, tiny, hot pants, a spangally tube top. I was just about to say to our group, “well he apparently is getting an early start on his Vegas hooker experience” when one of the guys said “Oh, Look, Jerry brought his wife!”
Probably dodged a bullet there
Citizen_X
Tonight, we are all Juan Cortez.
(And yes, that should be said in the plummiest Ricardo Montalban voice you can muster.)
Yarrow
OMG, that is hilarious. Laughing out loud for real. What did Devon do when that happened? I bet she was on the floor laughing.
Steeplejack
@David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch:
Amen. Brother of Albert Brooks, by the way.
Balloon Ball. “Fuji, I never told you this before, but I’m glad you lost the war.”
JaySinWA
Pedicures,socks, and shoes. you have a well rounded foot fetish.
jl
Thanks for upbeat report from Cole vacation. I’m glad it’s going well. I am a satisfied Balloon-Juice customer.
Except, a full service blog would have pictures of John G. Cole doing manatee impressions in the pool.
But other than that, strong work!
khead
@David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch:
Loved Super Dave. Also, The Captain.
kindness
You are an AWESOME older brother John. It’s OK.
sgrAstar
This happened to me! My Dad took me out to Trader Vic’s one night, when I was in college. We sat down at our table, and after a few minutes he leaned over to tell me that some uptight distant cousins of his were seated nearby, and were pointedly ignoring us…that is, ignoring us when they weren’t shooting disapproving stares in his direction. He said, “Let’s play this for laughs. They think you’re my mistress.” After dinner he walked over to their table and introduced me. Were
they ever embarassed! Fun times. Guess I got to be the escort AND the daughter. :)
misterpuff
Denny Crane.
Denny Crane.
And a fond farewell to SuperDave.
SiubhanDuinne
@Schlemazel:
To channel my inner rikyrah:
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Mnemosyne
@David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch:
Awww. He was my late dad’s favorite. ?
@Schlemazel:
There was a really sweet documentary that came out in 2015 called Harold and Lillian: A Hollywood Love Story, about a storyboard artist and his researcher wife.
One of the projects Harold worked on was The Birds, and Hitchcock had him travel up to Northern California so he could make changes during filming. Harold flew Lillian up for the weekend because he missed her and they went out to dinner with some other crew members.
It wasn’t until one of the other guys put his hand on her knee that Lillian realized the other men’s “dates” were really hookers, and they assumed that she must be one, too. ?
Doug R
@Schlemazel: “Vegas Wife”.
Mary G
Really interesting critical resignation letter from a longtime NBC reporter:
The last sentence where he says that network news is not so much partisan as New Yorkers and Washingtonians against the rest of the country made me think.
khead
On The Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire on TCM.
A Ghost To Most
So the manatee is Cole’s spirit animal. Both odd and oddly fitting for a West Virginian
Aleta
You’re funny JC. Nice present.
Baud
@Mary G:
TBH, that sounds like a conservative framing.
Jackie
My 23 yr old son and I were at a county fair some 15 yrs ago. We were laughing at his attempts trying to rock climb on a very smooth and slippery carnival attraction. The young attendant asked us if we were married or boyfriend/girlfriend. My jaw hit the ground and I indignantly sputtered “HE’S MY SON!!!” After the initial shock, my son held my hand as we wandered through the fair – calling me Honey. A year later my Dad sent us a Happy one Year Anniversary card. We still laugh about it! Lol
Daniel Almont
You oughta put a hyphen between people watched, otherwise it sounds like you had dinner and people watched (you).
jl
@Baud: I read the letter, and this guy is talking mainly in terms of national security and anti-terrorism policy. Since the DC and NYC media establishment is very pro war and pro explosion, that statement doesn’t have to be read as leaning conservative. I couldn’t tell the guy’s politics much from the letter, but he is against permanent war, and seems to think a lot of anti-terrorism is permanent war and security theater that doesn’t accomplish much.
I don’t think we can tell. Maybe some commenter is familiar with Arkin and can fill us in.
Mary G
@Baud: If you read it, you will see he isn’t conservative. He is talking about the groupthink that reporters tend to fall into rather than actually find out facts. He tried to tell NBC that there were no WMD in Iraq and was ignored.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Baud: We often feel like that out here on the west coast.
ETA: A recent example, the networks all think that we folk on the west coast want to watch New Year’s Eve from New York, even though it happened 3 hours earlier.
Baud
@jl: Thanks. There’s a fair way to read that sentence. But we usually hear complaints about Washington or New York (or San Francisco) from a right-wing point of view.
Mnemosyne
@Mary G:
The one thing that grated on me was when he blamed Obama for not closing Guantanamo when the Senate voted against it, like, 98-0. Because Obama controlled Congress, apparently. ?
I will admit that I was trying to read that on my phone, so maybe I missed a nuance or two
?BillinGlendaleCA
@jl:
Paging Dr. Silverman, please pick up the white courtesy telephone. Paging Dr. Silverman…
?BillinGlendaleCA
@jl:
Folk out in my neighborhood seemed to be very pro-explosion the past few days.
John Cole
William Arkin is a crank.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@Daniel Almont: Thank you. I had to read it twice before I got it – I wondered what was so entertaining about Cole and Devon to people who knew nothing of Cole so they couldn’t be waiting for the bizarre to occur.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@?BillinGlendaleCA: We even had a bomber flying over the neighborhood yesterday.
sukabi
@Baud: if by New Yorkers and Washingtonians he’s referring to the monied class, wall street and pentagon & politicians and their lobbyists he’s probably right… Those are the groups that benefit bigly and fight mightily for the tax dollar handouts.
NotMax
@BillinGlendaleCA
Beats the hell out of having a flier bombing the neighborhood.
;)
sukabi
@John Cole: ? ? of a feather right?
seefleur
And this posting right here is why I lurk-laugh-love all of the jackaltariat on this site. Allayouse are my sanity saver and I wish for you all nothing but the best in this new year. Double that for the host of this site!! Smooches and hugs to all of you!
Susan SottoVoce
Long, long time lurker now un-lurking because of JC’s adventures in South Beach. It was hard enough trying to picture Cole down here but it appears he’s having more fun than I ever have in 20 years of living 30 miles north in Broward County. I really should go to the beach again someday.
Marcopolo
Jay Inslee (WA Gov) up on Chris Hayes is a few secs to talk Prez run
Jackie
@Marcopolo: He’s my Governor ?
Aleta
Someone called Giuliani ‘Dollar Store Nosferatu’
M. Bouffant
Careful. You’ll be that guy before you know it.
Marcopolo
@Jackie: Well, all I can say for now is he does weird physical stuff w/ his mouth when he talks. And I think he needs to work a little more on how he phrases/ talks about his plans. Reminded me a little of O’Malley which is not a stirring endorsement.
Warren now up in the next 10 or so mins on Maddow.
Miss Bianca
@Aleta:
OK, that was a LOL!
Jackie
@Marcopolo: I didn’t say he’d win the nomination lol
trollhattan
@David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch:
r.i.p. Super Dave Funkhouser. Had no idea until today he was Albert Brooks’ brother.
trollhattan
@Aleta: @Miss Bianca:
Freaking brilliant!
John Revolta
@NotMax: Better than having your hood neighbor flying a bomber.
Mike in NC
We live at a beach town and really fail to appreciate that amazing fact.
Dan B
@Marcopolo: My gov too. He’s a good guy and great in person or in front of a crowd, but not so great in the microscope of TV. His problem is the 8 billion plus giveaway to Boeing with no jobs guarantees. Guess what Boeing did?
Fair Economist
@Susan SottoVoce:
It’s a truism, and true, that few of us enjoy the things to do where we live. We tend to take so much for granted. Hope you have a great time there!
cain
@Jackie:
I had a co-worker of mine who has a college aged daughter and he would go grocery shopping and he would repeatedly get dirty looks because they thought he was dating her. He would play it up on occasion, all in good fun. Heh.
dww44
@John Cole: I agree. However, if he were a woman the descriptive adjective would be “whiner”.
Amir Khalid
@Daniel Almont:
Better still, he should put the object “people” after the verb “watched” like regular people do. (This is one of the things that annoy me about contemporary AmEng: the object-before-verb habit. Why do you Amerikaner like to say things like “to fundraise” instead of “to raise funds” like the rest of the Anglophone world? Harrumph.)
Michael Cain
@?BillinGlendaleCA: The West in general. I win bets from time to time with people comparing the morning lead stories in the leading papers in seven or so of the major metro areas in the West, and the lead stories from the East Coast. It’s often literally like two different countries.
Burnspbesq
A long time ago, Mom sent me on an errand to pick up some stuff from the IGA in Wolfeboro, NH. Had spouse and 20-month old kid loaded in the car, and then-14-year-old niece asks to come along. Her mom (my sister) said it was ok, so off we went. Niece pushes kid around store in stroller while we get the requested stuff. Get up to the register, and checker compliments me on how well behaved my grandson is.
Told that story to niece’s husband at their wedding reception. He laughed so hard I thought he was going to wet his kilt.
People make assumptions.
Genine Tyson
I think the actual age difference between you two adds to the humor of the story, John.
Viva BrisVegas
@trollhattan:
Also Albert Einstein’s brother.
Suzanne
LMMFAO.
Aging is terrible.
poleaxedbyboatwork
@khead:
Funny. Just rewatched both quite recently. Streetcar, with 3-min of bowdlerized footage restored, really held up. (Except, pointedly, the ending, which preserved the censors’ need to deny inscrutable human nature in favor of the proprieties of moral justice.) For me.
Waterfront kinda felt (tho it had shining performances), like it were didactically trying too hard. Try too hard to make a point, agitprop is the result — even tho I agree with it. Again, for me.
Re: the latter Waterfront Bud Schulberg script, far prefer the quite prescient yet evergreen, A Face in the Crowd. Magnificent Patricia Neal performance (almost makes me forgive her association with Ayn Rand’s turgid wooden piece of shit The Fountainhead, tho it’sa classic example of the script failing, not the actor), plus Andy fucking Griffith like you never seen him if you ain’t watched it.
imo, ymmv
Nancy
We just rediscovered Boston Legal on one of the secondary over the air local stations. Two episodes of Boston Legal, two hours of another old series then two more hours of Boston Legal.
I’d forgotten just how hysterically funny it could be.
And how touching; Alan Schore’s outrage over farmed salmon escaping into the Pacific and his passionate denouncement of mishandling of the Iraq war and the consequences of going to war with “the army you have,” meaning no equipment and stop loss forever.
Memories.
John Cole
@Nancy: all five seasons are on Hulu
OldDave
@Susan SottoVoce: LOL. I’ve lived in Broward for 40 years. Only “recently” have I started going to the beach – one a year, on my birthday, to watch the sunrise on that day. And I live near Federal, so it’s not like the beach is ten miles away.