I hate this time of year. I mean, just hate it.
For the past couple weeks I have just been depressed. Like, the kind of “Is this fucking it” depression. Nothing interests me, and I’m just bored and listless. The weather sucks, I’m bored, I’m lonely, there are just bills flying in from everywhere, the website is a trainwreck, the calendar needs to be done, there’s nothing to do outside, blah blah piss moan. I can’t get interested in any books, tv shows, games, or just anything.
I look at Thurston, and he’s looking back at me all beaming and happy and just worships me and I feel like a jerk because I’m thinking “I thought there would be more to it than this.” And no, I don’t need suggestions, or cheering up, or any of that crap, I’m just complaining. I’ll get over it or go talk to someone if I need to; I’m not afraid to ask for help. And no I am not going to drink or do something stupid.
Why can’t I have the depression where you lose interest in eating? Everything is bullshit.
I need to win the lottery so I can be rich and miserable.