I Think I’m Depressed

I hate this time of year. I mean, just hate it.

For the past couple weeks I have just been depressed. Like, the kind of “Is this fucking it” depression. Nothing interests me, and I’m just bored and listless. The weather sucks, I’m bored, I’m lonely, there are just bills flying in from everywhere, the website is a trainwreck, the calendar needs to be done, there’s nothing to do outside, blah blah piss moan. I can’t get interested in any books, tv shows, games, or just anything.

I look at Thurston, and he’s looking back at me all beaming and happy and just worships me and I feel like a jerk because I’m thinking “I thought there would be more to it than this.” And no, I don’t need suggestions, or cheering up, or any of that crap, I’m just complaining. I’ll get over it or go talk to someone if I need to; I’m not afraid to ask for help. And no I am not going to drink or do something stupid.

Why can’t I have the depression where you lose interest in eating? Everything is bullshit.

I need to win the lottery so I can be rich and miserable.

233 replies
  1. 1
    EBT says:

    At least with major depression instead of seasonal I get so used to the dull grey it becomes my friend.

  2. 2
    Corner Stone says:

    If I may offer a suggestion…

  3. 3
    JohnO says:

    Not too hard to tell, frankly.

    As long as you’re not going to do anything stupid, all I can say is it will pass.

    Sign me,

    Somewhat of an Expert

  4. 4
    Lit3Bolt says:

    Someone needs to read more Steve Erikson books. Then you’ll still be depressed but because you’re sad some rando 300,000 year old god-being died and was given just a single page in a thousand page novel.

  5. 5
    A Ghost To Most says:

    Soon, so much will be happening you won’t have time to be depressed. Take it as the calm before the storm.

    January is coming.

  6. 6
    MarkK says:

    Put on some good music. It won’t cure the blues but it sure helps!
    Start with: “Cleaning Windows” Van Morrison

    Been feeling the same way lately and it didn’t help to hear one of my best friends passed away last night. Rave on John!

  7. 7
    oldster says:

    Yup, I feel yah.

    I have no advice, but I’m glad to hear from you and tell you that you’re not alone.

  8. 8
    Gammyjill says:

    Cole, have you ever talked to your doctor about trying Zoloft for depression? You might want to check out taking an SSR. Please don’t tell me that “real men” aren’t weak and don’t take medicine.

    And as for eating, I’ve gained 20 pounds since Trump was elected. I have got to get this weight off.

  9. 9
    debbie says:

    I think it’s politics. At least it is for me. When I come here for the camaraderie I always enjoy, I now get endless arguing over AOC.

  10. 10
    germy says:

    And no, I don’t need suggestions, or cheering up, or any of that crap, I’m just complaining.

    Sometimes it’s good to vent.

    That’s all I got.

  11. 11
    A Ghost To Most says:


    The birds in the trees all sing them happy songs
    Everyone is smiling, we’re so glad to be alive
    Even my old pit bull don’t growl anymore
    He just watches tail wag from side to side
    All my family problems disappeared over night
    We’re all taking Zoloft and everything is fine
    My sister’s teen angst just flew out the window
    Mama’s so happy she laughs till she cries
    I used to be so unhappy singing songs about killing
    Taking methadone and jacking off four or five times a day
    But now I’m so happy, I’m so god damned happy
    Who needs an orgasm when life’s so fucking great

    “Zoloft” – P. Hood

  12. 12
    Barbara says:

    I noticed that I have been sleeping much better since the election. I have been spending an hour or two every weekend raking leaves, which leaves me tired with a sense of having done something useful. Maybe think about baking some goodies for friends. It’s hard when you can’t find motivation or interest and I hope it gets better soon.

  13. 13
    whoeveriwasiforget says:

    John, you do have a way with words. I second (or third, etc.) antidepressants. I’ve been on a low dose of Paxil for months now, and it has made a huge difference in a quiet way. Not to put pressure on you or anything, but you have been a hero for me, and I suspect many of us, for fighting tooth and nail and manners be damned.

  14. 14
    Doug R says:

    It’s the letdown after the election before the taking of seats.
    One or more of your fur babies should be trying to make you feel better soon.

  15. 15
    MarkK says:

    Oops. Now I’m depressed because I left you (which you asked to not leave) a suggestion. Oh well…

  16. 16
    zhena gogolia says:


    Oh, yeah, this is really tiring. It reminds me of the Franken thing, though. It will pass.

    Maybe John should write a book. That usually cheers me up while I’m doing it.

  17. 17
    tired says:

    me too…3 months of hell until after the holidays….

  18. 18
    zhena gogolia says:


    We don’t need no stinkin rules around here.

  19. 19
    RSA says:

    I have no advice, but I do have sympathy. Good luck.

    I’m in a new job, which has involved a temporary move (six months) to Pittsburgh. I walked to the Carnegie museums (natural history and art), less than a mile from my hotel, to spend a few hours this afternoon. So for me there’s the fun of exploring a new city. I get out of the doldrums by forcing myself to try new things.

  20. 20
    jl says:

    Good luck to Cole. I’ll take his word for now that he’ll talk with his doc or get an appointment it it doesn’t go away.
    But, isn’t this a seasonal post from Cole? Is it seasonal?

    I can see how city/town people, anyone who has to work a regular schedule and cooped up indoors 9 to 5 can get seasonal depression.
    Trick for me is getting outside when you can enjoy the fun sides of autumn and winter, which is far easier to do out in the boondocks and not tied to regular hours. But if Cole can to some extent make some time, he should get out in the daytime when the weather looks nice. Tell the boss to GES.

    And, play some music, try singing a song. Cole plays guitar, a little, or something? Not sure.

  21. 21
    Chacal Charles Calthrop says:

    @Doug R: according to the embedded tweets to the left, Thirston is already on it.

  22. 22
    cain says:

    I understand.. have considered being an Amyway representative?

  23. 23
    Aleta says:

    No Mercy In This Land
    Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite

  24. 24
    jl says:

    @Chacal Charles Calthrop: A person has to be pretty far down into depression if the damn dogs can’t snap you out of it.

    But then, the tweet indicates that the dogs are irritating the crap out of Cole, so that should cheer him up. If the pets start trying to make Cole as miserable as possible, maim him, etc., and that doesn’t cheer him up, then I think he should call his therapist.

  25. 25
    Gammyjill says:

    @A Ghost To Most: Zoloft doesn’t make you happy. It helps clear your thinking, plus the highs aren’t so high, but the lows aren’t so low.

    I’m not suggesting Cole take it, I’m suggesting he talk to his doctor about it.

  26. 26
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Gammyjill: Zoloft was what Mike Tyson was on when he tried to eat Evander Holyfield.

  27. 27
    Barbara says:

    @RSA: Lucky you. Visit Phipps Conservatory and go ice skating at Schenley Park.

  28. 28
    Yarrow says:

    I hear you, John. At least your dogs worship you.

  29. 29
    jl says:

    @Adam L Silverman: No Zoloft then. Cole is trying to cut down on the over eating.

  30. 30
    bbleh says:

    I completely agree. This ENTIRE WEEK has been a sh!tshow. Things have broken or gone wrong one after another, it’s dark and cold, the weather has been ATROCIOUS and materially worse than forecast — insult to injury — and while it’s good to know that SOME adults will have SOME power in DC after the new year, the news is still relentlessly depressing (and where the fk are the indictments, please).

    Screw cheering up. Wallow in it, I say.

  31. 31
    Mandarama says:

    I get this feeling a lot. I always think of Gus McCrae: “Life in San Francisco, you see, is still just life. If you want any one thing too badly, it’s likely to turn out to be a disappointment. The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things, like a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself.”

    Politics be damned; I’ll always love Robert Duvall.

  32. 32
    Quaker in a Basement says:


  33. 33


    the tweet indicates that the dogs are irritating the crap out of Cole, so that should cheer him up.

    If the dogs can’t do it, we can at this hear blog.

  34. 34
    Gretchen says:

    I think it’s the lack of light – the gray days and the early darkness. I’m wondering if I should get one of those light-boxes.

  35. 35

    For some reason, I’m depressed today too. Maybe because it’s gloomy outside or I don’t have anything to do beyond laundry. So I hear you, John.

  36. 36
    jl says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Sorry, I can’t make all the way to West By God Virginia regularly to steal Cole’s slipper and chew on his foot. And Cole, ever ungrateful, would probably call the cops anyway.

    I feel bad that I won’t make more sacrifices for this blog, but that’s the way it is.

  37. 37
    Another Scott says:

    Ever since I was a kid, this time of year has been depressing for me. XMas, especially, was almost always disappointing. “That’s it??!? I’ve got to wait another year to maybe get what I really wanted??!?!?!?ONE” Little did I know… ;-)

    I think we’ve turned the corner on a bunch of horribleness and things will start to get better. It’s still going to be a long slog.

    Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

    We’ll throw enough money at you to get the blog fixed soon enough.

    Have you considered doing a PDF version of the Calendar? I would think that would be less work for you, and instant gratification for the buyers is nice. Just a thought.

    Rest up and hang in there. It’ll be all hands on deck again soon enough.


  38. 38
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @bbleh: There are 36 sealed indictments that were filed by 15 AUG in the DC Federal Circuit. This is right around the same time that the Special Counsel’s Office went “quiet”* in advance of the election so that they couldn’t be accused of interfering in it.

    * Given that even the Special Counsel’s official spokesperson never actually says anything but “no comment”, I’m not really sure the phrase “went quiet” is really the accurate one, but you all know what I mean.

  39. 39
    wjs says:

    A while back, you talked about being a foster parent.

    Someone who knows John, go hit him over the head with this and make him fill out the paperwork.

  40. 40

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: It’s bright and sunny here, but Trump’s due in town soon.

  41. 41
    jl says:

    ” Given that even the Special Counsel’s official spokesperson never actually says anything but “no comment”, I’m not really sure the phrase “went quiet” is really the accurate one, but you all know what I mean. ”

    I’m not the sharpest blade in the drawer. But no rush. Throw in a brief explainer when they start dropping. Or when they pile up so high the counter on the website breaks.

    I guess you mean the severe drought of indictments?

  42. 42
    JPL says:

    @Adam L Silverman: When my son was young he went to a doctor who ignored the deteriorating of his inner ear bones. Anyway by the time I received a second opinion, the doctor used part of his ear lobe to patch to patch the inner bones.
    I never mentioned it and he never noticed. Then we rented pay for view for the fight, and doesn’t one his friends say who bit your ear.

  43. 43
    Avalune says:

    No advice – but you aren’t alone in feeling that way. Definitely not alone.

    Re: “the good depression” I feel that way about my OCD. I can’t have the kind where my house is clean and my shit is organized can I?

  44. 44
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  🗳🌷 says:

    I need to win the lottery so I can be rich and miserable

    I want my pie in the sky! I wanna be rich!

    Totally made me think of that song :)

  45. 45
    Barbara says:

    I’m watching Chris Kimball’s latest show, Milk Street. What a great show. My view on temporary blahs (not serious organic depression) is to get tired through physical activity and not demand too much from yourself, enjoy simple things.

  46. 46
    Gin & Tonic says:

    This photo may cheer you (or others) up.

  47. 47
    JPL says:

    John, Have you tried the lamps for situational depression? Put one in each room if necessary.

  48. 48
    JPL says:

    @Barbara: lol I just watched that is signed up for his emails.

  49. 49
    Tony Jay says:


    By Anomander’s Rake! No! Just no. The conclusion to the Chain of Dogs alone near drive me to snorting petrol straight from the fuel tank. Bleak? Oy Vey it’s bleaker than a winter in Warrington. Though they were my Christmas book for quite a few years.

    If John’s looking for easy reading with a conclusion devoutly to be wished in these troubled times, the last book in Harry Turtledove’s ‘Settling Accounts’ series has US troops stomping the complete fuck out of a Nazi analogue Confederate States with a lot of pleasing ‘reason you suck’ exchanges between whining Southern whites and hard-bitten Yankee GIs with NFLTG.


  50. 50
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Is being indicted under seal like being on Double Secret Probation?

  51. 51
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @JPL: I’m honestly not sure how to respond to that.

  52. 52
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Barbara: Did the lawsuit against him ever get settled?

  53. 53
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Jerzy Russian: I have no comment at this time.

  54. 54

    @Adam L Silverman: Wow, you’re the fount of knowledge this afternoon.

  55. 55

    I feel like this every year, after we begin daylight savings to the winter solstice. Its the lack of sunlight that gets me. Music is good, as are kittehs.

  56. 56

    @Barbara: Does it still have the blindingly white set, that he had last year?

  57. 57
    kindness says:

    Taking my dogs for a walk always helps. They like it too.

  58. 58
    Corner Stone says:

    @wjs: Are you out of your fucking mind?

  59. 59
    jeffreyw says:


    If the dogs can’t do it, we can at this hear blog.

    Is there and audio version of the blog?
    ..because I’m already hearing it narrated by Jack Handley and I would pay good money for a subscription.

  60. 60
    Yarrow says:

    @jeffreyw: Somehow my brain turned that into the dogs would be narrating the blog for the audio version. I would love that.

  61. 61
    zhena gogolia says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Oh, I thought Mueller was always screaming and throwing tantrums and threatening people.

  62. 62
    zhena gogolia says:


    Frankly, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

  63. 63
    karensky says:

    @Another Scott: awesome idea on a PDF version of a pet calendar. I would pay the same amount for it!

  64. 64
    Citizen Scientist says:

    I’m definitely a sufferer of SAD at this time of year, especially with the limited amount of sunlight that we get and the holidays (way too many people that I know aren’t going to be around this year, including my MIL who passed from cancer in August). So, you have my empathy John; I find that keeping myself busy (I’m currently cleaning out my basement little by little), getting outside for a few minutes every day, and trying to keep at least minimally physically active helps. My advice would be to just keep your head up and focus on the little things that you enjoy, and it can’t hurt to talk to your doctor about your options. Hope this helps.

  65. 65
    zhena gogolia says:


    I used to be married to somebody with that kind — it’s no picnic either!

  66. 66

    @jeffreyw: Typed too fast and edit didn’t work.

    ETA: Edit worked this time.

  67. 67
    Kayla Rudbek says:

    @Tony Jay: that sounds promising. Do I have to read the other books in the series to get what is happening?

  68. 68
    Yarrow says:

    Depression is fucked up and bullshit. It can fuck right off and diaf.

  69. 69
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    Joe Biden just adopted a rescue German Shepard and the pics are so cute.


  70. 70
    JPL says:

    @Adam L Silverman: lol It was actually worse than that since his eardrum looked like tissue paper. Since I knew the ENT was questionable, I blamed myself for not changing doctors. He’s fine now (decades later) , but can’t parachute out of a plane which is fine with me. I did find out that if I didn’t sue but disparaged him, he could sue me. My opinion was have at it.

  71. 71
    Avalune says:

    @zhena gogolia: Yeah, logically and realistically I know that being that way would be stressful for both me and Leto and pretty much anyone who had the misfortune of entering my space but it’s still kind of funny to think about it in the same way I’m sure no one REALLY wants to lose weight through depression but it makes for a quick and easy joke.

  72. 72
    debbie says:

    @zhena gogolia:

    What would cheer me up is if Hillary Mantel got up off her butt and wrote the third Cromwell book. 😒

  73. 73
    zhena gogolia says:



  74. 74
    Thoughtful David says:

    @Adam L Silverman: 36 indictments with no telling how many counts each. We’re talking literally thousands of years of jail time in aggregate. For something less than 36 Trumpanzees, but let’s say, 18 of them.
    That’s good news.

  75. 75
    Barbara says:

    @Gin & Tonic: No idea. Since they are all still on PBS I assume somehow it all worked out.

  76. 76
    zhena gogolia says:


    I got ya!


    Me too! But I don’t really want Cromwell to die.

  77. 77
    Paul says:

    I would tune out. Just log off of FaceCrack. Turn off the news feed. Go outside no matter what the weather. Walk to a cafe, library, museum, park. Be out in public. Be part of humanity. Be that person who has nothing to do but to sit and smile at life if just for that hour in your day. Just do it.

  78. 78
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    I am knackered. Spent the morning doing the fundraiser for Wolfwood. A) had to get up early b) spend hours being nice to people. c) spent two days baking beforehand. Need to sleep. Night night all. See you in the am.

  79. 79
    LuciaMia says:

    I look at Thurston, and he’s looking back at me all beaming and happy and just worships me

    On that alone I cant tell you how much I envy you.

  80. 80
    Rihilism says:

    Light therapy is my suggestion, though you weren’t looking for suggestions. I get severe SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and light therapy has made a huge difference. Just make sure you spring for quality lamp.

  81. 81
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @jeffreyw: I think they did two podcasts and that was enough of that.

  82. 82
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @JPL: I’m still not actually sure how to reply.

  83. 83
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Thoughtful David: In the previous two indictments, of the Russian Information Agency folks and of the GRU officers, there were multiple people and organizations in each indictment.

  84. 84

    @Adam L Silverman: Is Brad Parscale going to jail?

  85. 85
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @zhena gogolia: Making art cures the blues. I’m working on a leather and brass sculpture at the moment.

  86. 86
    JPL says:

    @Adam L Silverman: You’re the one who brought up the fight, that caused me to remember that there are bad doctors among us, so I blame you.
    lol I jest.

  87. 87
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Barbara: You’re needed in California! There’s not a moment to lose!!!!!

  88. 88
    lurker dean says:

    @Adam L Silverman: i can’t wait until these are unsealed. can’t wait. and if that asshole whitaker is funneling info to trump to help him obstruct, he needs to get one too.

  89. 89
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @schrodingers_cat: I’d just be happy if they sent him to the barber’s for a proper beard trim and haircut!

  90. 90
    James E Powell says:

    Why can’t I have the depression where you lose interest in eating?

    I hear that. With me it’s quite the opposite.

  91. 91

    @Adam L Silverman: That would be a definite improvement in his visage.

  92. 92
  93. 93
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: It got worse…

  94. 94
    Tony Jay says:

    @Kayla Rudbek:

    Let’s see. On the one hand it’s a 12 book series stretching from 1881 to 1944. On the other hand, it’s WWII with Confederates as Nazis, so what more do you need to know? Plus Abraham Lincoln ditches the Republicans to found a successful Socialist Party, which is nice.

  95. 95
    James E Powell says:


    What would cheer me up is if Hillary Mantel got up off her butt and wrote the third Cromwell book.

    I’m thinking the same thing about Mark Lewisohn and Volume II of his massive work on The Beatles.

  96. 96
    dlwchico says:

    I got all that plus toxic air here in Chico.

    It would be a pretty nice day today if the air wasn’t totally fubar.

    Plus the whole town is sort of fucked up right now over this fire and it’s aftermath. I don’t think anybody lives here that doesn’t have at least one close friend or relative that lost everything in the fire.

  97. 97

    @Adam L Silverman: Gavin basically ran against Trump in his race for Governor.

  98. 98
    Viva BrisVegas says:

    @zhena gogolia:

    Has Mueller even spoken publicly on any subject since taking on the job?

    Anyway, he is in the position of a spearfisher coming across Jaws in the open ocean. He has one go at bringing down the beast and if he misses he knows that the beast will shred him.

    It’s no wonder that he is taking plenty of time making sure that the only shot he gets is dead on target.

  99. 99
    Matt McIrvin says:

    For me the hardest time actually isn’t when it’s gotten really dark in the evenings, like now–it’s the very first part of the fall, right around Halloween, before DST even ends these days. The days start getting noticeably shorter and it just puts me in a completely grim mood. (This is also right around the wind-up of election season, in those years, and that’s usually terribly dispiriting too.)

    Right now I’m feeling a little better than I have lately, just because I actually got treatment for some health issues that had been causing me chronic pain. (They also put me on vitamin D supplements–turns out there was more than one thing lack of sunlight was causing me.) On the other hand, I caught a nasty cold that’s filled my head and throat with what feels like Elmer’s glue for the past couple of weeks. I’m hoping I’m getting past it.

  100. 100
    Aleta says:

    “I want great climate. We’re going to have that. And we’re going to have forests that are very safe.”

  101. 101
    Stardus614 says:

    Cry, followed by pie. Rhymes, and works for me.

  102. 102
    nwerner says:

    Cole: Apropos of nothing, but you use the word “just” a lot when you write. I’ve been noticing it for a while but it was especially pronounced in this post. I used to have this tendency as well and found it coincided with low points in my life. It engenders one’s writing with a sound of desperation–perhaps the subconscious state evincing itself.

    I hope you feel better. I’ve nothing to offer except to suggest you not spend as much time around media. I’ve tried to ween off of screens for the last few months except for work and I feel 1000% better.

  103. 103
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Viva BrisVegas: I would suggest that Mueller has a harpoon gun, rather than a spear.

  104. 104
    Barbara says:

    @Adam L Silverman: “I want great climate. We’re going to have it.” I have to laugh or else I would be crying.

  105. 105
    geg6 says:


    Welcome to the ‘Burgh! Let me know if you need suggestions or directions (you can’t get there [easily] from here, basically) or want to have a meetup. I’m just about 32 miles from you and Oakland is my old college stomping ground. Try out the Phipps Conservatory in Schenley Park. It’s lovely. The Carnegie Library is nice, too.

  106. 106
    A Ghost To Most says:


    “Pie don’t work unless you let it”.

  107. 107
    Thoughtful David says:

    @Adam L Silverman:
    Good point. Although I was assuming that not all indictments would receive convictions.

  108. 108
    MagdaInBlack says:

    @Adam L Silverman:
    He really makes my brain hurt.

  109. 109
    Ella in New Mexico says:

    As an former mental health counselor turned RN and now “almost NP”, I have no problem with traditional antidepressant medications for people who’s daily activities are significantly impaired from their depression. I know many people whose lives were literally saved by these medications.

    But the thing that most healthcare professionals won’t tell you is this: SSRI’s (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) and their cousins SNRI’s (Selective Norepinephrine Re-uptake Inhibitors) while fairly effective are also extremely difficult to wean from should you decide to discontinue them at a future point in time. They help, but they also change the sensitivity and number of receptors on your neurons. This change takes weeks to months to return to normal once the medications are no longer present, which leads to a lot of uncomfortable symptoms in the process–we call it “discontinuation syndrome” and the worst offenders are Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor and Cymbalta.

    For that reason (and thanks to some excellent mentoring from my instructors who do Holistic medicine) I tend to steer patients who come to me with mild to moderate symptoms not directly related to an obvious issue (loss, change of jobs, relationship stressors, etc) to first consider lifestyle and dietary changes, cognitive and behavioral counseling, and then other, “natural” depression treatments first. The cool thing about them is that they are healthy overall with few to no side effects and as for the supplements, seem to be fairly easy to stop without discontinuation syndrome.

    My favorite, most recommended, research-supported, non-pharmaceutical approaches to depression:

    Exercise. 30 minutes every day of something that gets your heart rate up to about 70% maximum, preferably with exposure to natural light.

    Mediterranean Diet: lots of healthy fats, fish, nuts and vegetables. Omega 3 fatty acids plus low sugar seem to improve almost everyone’s energy and functioning.

    Meditation: contrary to what people often believe it’s actually pretty easy to learn with all the free apps out there, and mindfulness meditation has been found to improve sleep, which is a big factor in depression.

    Sleep Hygiene/Quality Improvement: evaluate the quality and quantity of your sleep. Create a routine in which you’re shutting off blue light exposure at least 30min-an hour before bed. Got to bed and get up at the same time every day. Try 3mg melatonin an hour before bed to improve sleep quality and help you adjust to recent time changes. If you snore, feel unrested even after a “good night’s sleep” maybe you have obstructive sleep apnea. Go for a sleep medicine consultation and see if you might benefit from a C-PAP device.

    Rhodiola rosea: a supplement that is evidence-based to improve energy, mood, exercise/stress tolerance and cognition. Use an extract standardized to 2-3% rosavin and 0.8-1% salidrosides. Begin with 100-150 mg once a day for a week. Increase the dosage by 100-150 mg every week, up to 400 mg a day. Most people seem to do well on 240mg daily.

    Alternatively, try SAM-e, which is a substance that supports the production of all neurotransmitters and has been found to be helpful for depression, osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia pain and liver function. 400-800 mg daily and up to 1600mg daily has a really safe profile. Do not use if you have a history of bipolar disease because it acts like some of the SSRI’s in that case and can cause mania/hypomania.

    Really good evidence-based information on Complementary and Alternative treatments for everything can be found at NIH’s Center for Complimentary and Integrative Medicine

  110. 110
    JPL says:

    I want great climate and I want it now.

  111. 111
    Rihilism says:

    Oh, I forgot about vitamin D. Mine drops off the face of a cliff this time of year and I go on a supplement around this time. Low vitamin D has been linked to depression. If you don’t make it outside much during the winter, consider talking to your doctor about testing your vitamin D levels. Yet another suggestion you weren’t asking for ;)…

  112. 112
    brendancalling says:

    After my gf moved to NJ for work, my new psycho gaslighting housemate drove me from my house. Now I’m living w/ my guitar player, in limbo, and my girl and I finalized our break up an hour ago.

    Feelin’ ya John. Hope it gets better for you too.

  113. 113
    West of the Rockies says:

    I saw a pic of Notre Dame wide receiver Jafar Armstrong, a young, black man. I think it’s time for a reboot: Jafar Armstrong, All-american Boy. We are multicultural, Wingnuts. Deal with it!

  114. 114
    Ella in New Mexico says:

    Ugh can someone take my comment out of moderation? Thanks!

  115. 115
    JPL says:

    NEW: “Yes,” Gov. Jerry Brown said on AF1 when asked if he thinks climate change played a role in wildfires.
    Trump: “We’re maybe not as different, maybe not as different as people think. Things are happening. Things are changing.
    “Most importantly we’re doing things about it.“


    part two of the conversation. . what things.
    trump…. things
    can you name a thing
    trump…. in two weeks

  116. 116
    MomSense says:

    I’m glad to hear you are willing to go talk to someone but I don’t think you need to wait. Why not have a plan in place now? If depression worsens, it just becomes more difficult to face. I saw my doctor yesterday and even though we didn’t make any changes, we do have a plan for follow up. It helps to have a relationship with your providers. I encourage you to call and make an appointment on Monday.

  117. 117
    MomSense says:


    Sending you a hug.

  118. 118
    The Lodger says:

    @nwerner: “Just” shows up in a lot of fundy/Baptist spontaneous prayer, too. Speaking of low points.

  119. 119
    Rihilism says:

    @MomSense: excellent advice!

  120. 120


    “Most importantly we’re doing things about it.“

    Yeah, contracting some of his cronies with rakes.

  121. 121
    hilts says:


    I’d be more than willing to trade places with you. I have all the symptoms you’ve described plus I’m long-term unemployed with no imminent prospects.

    You’re gainfully employed, so before you go off on a rant about how miserable you are try imagining being out of work for ages and not having any easy path back into the workforce.

  122. 122
    Aleta says:

    I noticed that he saluted his own feet when he got to the bottom of the AF1 stairs. Then he went to board a waiting helicopter. A serviceperson stood on each side of the door, saluting him. He stood rocking back and forth, then seemed to clap one on the shoulder, and then boarded w/o ever relieving them/returning the salute. (One appeared to be a woman, one appeared to be an AA man.)

    Five or so years ago we were told that a president’s failure to return a salute when boarding an aircraft was scandalous negligence that proved him unfit to preside over the military.

  123. 123
    MomSense says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    I’m on the Zoloft so I can keep from killing y’all.

  124. 124
    trollhattan says:

    He gonna tell you guys to rake, too?

    I wonder what he thought* about breathing dead people in Chico.

    *Assumes facts not in evidence, etc.

  125. 125
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Adam L Silverman: The man is a total idiot.

  126. 126
    Barbara says:

    @brendancalling: “And I’m down to seeds and stems again too . . . ” Sending you support from afar. I hope things start looking up.

  127. 127
    Stardus614 says:

    @A Ghost To Most: It’s worth a shot.

  128. 128
    RSA says:

    @Barbara, @geg6: Thanks! The Phipps Conservatory and the Carnegie Library are now on my agenda. I’ve reconnected with a friend at the University of Pittsburgh, and we’re heading to the Dancing Gnome for a beer.

    Speaking of getting there from here, I don’t know if I’ve ever been as confused when navigating Pittsburgh streets (and that includes navigating European cities for a few years). Streets make right angle turns with no special warning, for example to go over a bridge, which means directions like “turn right, then turn left” can lead you to places you wouldn’t expect, by compass direction.

  129. 129
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Cripes I hope so. The man is an outright fascist. Fuck him.

  130. 130
    hitchhiker says:


    this x 1000.

    I want the end of that story!

  131. 131
    hilts says:


    Clearly, many employed individuals can suffer from extreme depression, but there is something worse about having to dread opening the mailbox to see another fucking bill inside when you don’t have any paycheck and all your money is all flowing in one goddamn direction.

  132. 132
    trollhattan says:

    Interesting Twitter account that, thanks.

    Would love if Jerry just started speaking to Trump in Latin.

  133. 133
    Pogonip says:

    I hate to see you so depressed, Cole, you are such a nice person.

    I have noticed a lot of your regular readers are depressed, too. Those who haven’t seen a doctor, please do, if you can; since most readers seem to be Americans, some of you may not be able to see a doctor.

  134. 134
    JPL says:

    More Trump

    Wildfire can go “a football field a second. So if you’re sitting in your home and you hear, well, it’s fairly close by, maybe I’ll watch the end of this program. … The end of CNN.”
    (Grinned at TV pooler, from CNN.)
    “5 minutes and that’s the difference between life and death.”


  135. 135
    hilts says:


    Trump has had his head stuck up his fat ass for so long, it’s pointless to try and decipher the profound stupidity coming out of his mouth.

  136. 136
    Pogonip says:

    @RSA: Try Columbus, Ohio, home of THE Ohio State University. Major streets suddenly change names with no warning.

  137. 137
    trollhattan says:


    And we’re going to have forests that are very safe.”

    A.K.A. concrete slab.

  138. 138
    Mike in NC says:

    What are the odds Fat Bastard will say the usual wildly inappropriate thing when departing another disaster scene? Like telling the victims to “Have fun.”

  139. 139
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @brendancalling: that sucks, but you won’t hit rock bottom until you’re living with your bass player!

    Unless you are the bass player, in which case we can’t help you….

  140. 140

    @trollhattan: Where my dad used to work, they had concrete slabs(launchpads), that’s where the rattlers liked to sun themselves.

    ETA: Not so safe…

  141. 141
    Chetan Murthy says:

    Why can’t I have the depression where you lose interest in eating?

    Oh man, do I feel you. And everything else you wrote. You’re definitely not alone. Depression is an awful thing, and most awful b/c it saps your will to do anything about it, eh? And the “is this fucking it” feeling. Yeah, I know that. It helped me to -accept- (not get over, just accept) it, when I realized that, well, the universe is random and doesn’t care a damn about any of us. It just doesn’t even notice we’re here. Mr. John Cole, we’re all we have, and all we can do is be kind to each other, and you’ve been kind to so many people in your life: people you’ll never even meet, you’ve been kind to. So, well, your “it” is a pretty special thing, that you’ve done for a lot of folks.

    P.S. I know others have written about pharmaceutical interventions. Specifically, SSRIs. Um, I won’t bang on any drums here, b/c I really am not writing this to start an argument about it, but …. well, I think it might be worth reading Marcia Angell’s pair of essays in the NYRB about “The Epidemic of Mental Illness” (I think it was entitled) from a few years back. I’m unconvinced by the nature of the scientific evidence for these drugs’ efficacy, not to speak of what harm they might be causing. But again, I don’t want to start an argument. Just …. well, I think it’s worth educating oneself before possibly upsetting one’s brain chemistry in possibly permanent ways.

  142. 142
    West of the Rockies says:


    I’ve trod that path before. Are you young enough and fit enough to “reinvent” yourself, hilts? Would a move and serious down-sizing prove useful?
    Here’s to brighter days ahead.

  143. 143
    JPL says:

    @Mike in NC: That ship sailed long ago.

  144. 144
    sukabi says:

    @Gretchen: light therapy and vitamin D, lots of vitamin D.

  145. 145
    debbie says:


    I went a year and a half without work after losing most of what I had in the market. Always pushing back the rising panic. I still feel your pain.

  146. 146
    Cermet says:

    Some good suggestions for you John here on you blog but I recall your wanted none,and none will I give. You managed to bitch a bit and get some things off your chest – good.

    So, I will do the same in this thread since it follows the logic; I, on the other-hand, despite getting old and know I have massive health issues coming – am as happy as I have ever been my whole life. I have finally managed to answer the greatest questions I have ever asked in all my years of study. Also, I am currently happily working out the physics and mathematics to make this a reality in more than my own mind.

    All in all, currently, I am earning more money than ever in my life, have a satisfying if not all that interesting job – a daughter who is literally a one in a million (as a number of parents point out), and if I get taken out tomorrow, I have, currently to my satisfaction, have answered the greatest questions physics has, to date, managed to ask.

    To me, that is all one could ever hope to achieve in life to be truly happy.

  147. 147
    Kayla Rudbek says:

    @West of the Rockies: as a Notre Dame alum, I strongly approve of this message!

  148. 148
    Kayla Rudbek says:

    @Cermet: links to the articles?

  149. 149
    geg6 says:


    Hahahaha! Pittsburgh may be the worst city anywhere to drive. So many one way streets, odd turns and a downtown that is a triangle. Plus tunnels and bridges and bus lanes and bike lanes. It’s nuts if you don’t know it. Plus, if you ask for directions, people will tell you landmarks instead navigational directions. And I heartily recommend you look up the meaning of a Pittsburgh left. You will absolutely run across it in your time here. 😮

    ETA: Make sure to set up a tour of the Nationality Rooms in the Cathedral of Learning at Pitt. Your friend can set you up, I’m sure.

  150. 150
    Aleta says:

    @Steve in the ATL: I’m sending you a bad drummer for 24 hours. Guaranteed you’ll feel brighter afterward.

  151. 151
    Barbara says:

    @geg6: Since I learned how to drive there it is my favorite place in the world to drive. I don’t even mind when I get lost because I usually discover some neighborhood I heard of but never actually visited.

  152. 152
    minachica says:

    @debbie: Yes! I was wondering the other day if it had come out and I missed it somehow. But no. I hope she hasn’t abandoned the plan for a trilogy?

  153. 153
    Miss Bianca says:

    @Chetan Murthy: Going to the doctor a few years back and getting a prescription for Zoloft when I was suicidally depressed probably kept me alive. Or at least prevented a complete nervous breakdown. Sure, SSRIs may be over-prescribed and not for everyone. But as a way to get me over that hump of “I’d kill myself but I don’t have the energy” to “not unhappy to be alive”, Zoloft was efficacious in a way nothing else was, for me.

  154. 154
    Aleta says:

    @brendancalling: My sympathy. (Been there, though not both things at the same time.) Wise move to abandon the psycho housemate.

  155. 155
    Cermet says:

    @Kayla Rudbek: No articles, but as a physicist, I have been working out these questions for a few years (and said so on this blog a while back.) Sorry, far from ready to publish since the math is a nightmare but the physics all holds together. I have answered the great current questions. Sorry but since John started this thread, I intend to say some positive things relative to my life. I have managed to unite General Relativity and quantum and determined what and how time enters into the Universe; also, why and how space explains. As a side, inertia is explained as well as what is curved-space time and how it comes into existence. I see why time slows near massive bodies and why light travels at the speed it does. These are the questions I have wondered about since college and m rather pleased I have pulled them together. If I live long enough (hopefully a few more years) I intend to publish. But that does not change my belief nor should it – however, it does matter for anyone else. Till then, its just my belief but for now, that is enough.

  156. 156
    Jamey says:

    Website is NOT a train-wreck, John. It’s a source of joy (and frustrating news) to thousands who’ve adopted you as our fave crochety friend and neighbor. Also wish I had that kind of depression that saps my appetite.

  157. 157
    Gustopher says:

    One of those stupid Mr. Happy Lite lightboxes can help seasonal affective disorder amazingly.

    I mean, they’re still stupid as fvck, but if you can suppress your desire to scoff… it still might just be placebo effect… but the placebo effect is effective!

    My god, those things are just stupid. Need to get mine out.

  158. 158
    WaterGirl says:

    @Barbara: If only you were raking the forests instead of selfishly raking only your own leaves, we wouldn’t have this disaster in CA. //

  159. 159
    Rihilism says:

    @Chetan Murthy: I tried to read the article but it was behind a paywall. My two cents, I can’t “function” w/o psychoactive drugs. My depression and anxiety becomes dangerous to my life if I’m not on psychoactive drugs (I have severe depression and crippling anxiety). I also do talk therapy once a week (which I would recommend to anyone dealing with mental illness). Not trying to argue or suggest that most people should be on psychoactive drugs. I think they are over-prescribed as well and talk therapy is not really supported the way it should be (easier to give someone a pill and send them on their way). But for severe mental illness I think psychoactive drugs can be a life saver. YMMV…

  160. 160
    James E Powell says:

    @Steve in the ATL:

    There are many bass player jokes. This one’s my favorite.

  161. 161
    Chris says:

    Totally feel you John…except not this time of year. I’m the exact opposite and get depressed during the summer months (which are scorching and never ending here in SoCal). I love whatever tiny fall/winter sparse rain we get here anymore when our whole freaking state isn’t on fire. I live in a place in south Orange County where Santa Ana winds kick up and literally strike instant fear in everyone that we will be next…and we’ve lived here for almost 30 years…never this kind of fear. Scary times were living in for sure but with slightly cooler weather and football and holiday food, I feel a bit better.

  162. 162
    JPL says:

    @James E Powell: Finch’s dog walker mentioned today that he has practiced five songs on the bass to entertain us on Xmas eve. My son said five, does that mean he will play all five.

  163. 163
    B.B.A. says:

    I’m paring down my Zoloft. Had a rocky couple of weeks, but now I feel about the same as I did on a higher dose. In a few months I’ll taper it further. Hopefully by this time next year I’ll be off it for good.

    My life is good on many fronts (good job, great shape financially) but I’m still a friendless recluse and terminally unattractive and likely to die without ever knowing romantic love. It is what it is.

  164. 164
    jeffreyw says:

    So is the answer really… 42?

  165. 165
    Timurid says:

    @West of the Rockies:

    I was sold when he torched Aladdin on that post route…

  166. 166
    The Dangerman says:

    Raking the forests! How simple!! And you don’t even need rakes! All you need is a super duper hoover vacuum and a seriously long extension cord!!

    OK, i stand corrected. Raking the forests will go down as the stupidest fucking thing Trump has ever said. The competition is fierce, but I think this has to be Number 1 with a bullet.

  167. 167
    tybee says:

    life sucks.
    then you die.

  168. 168
    debbie says:


    I’m not real hopeful. But even if she does get the book written, they’ll never be able to get it to work as the final installment of the series, Wolf Hall. Mark Rylant will be a million years old by then!

  169. 169

    @The Dangerman: No, no, no. The vacuum is coal fired.

  170. 170
    WaterGirl says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    I want great climate. We’re going to have that. And we’re going to have forests that are very safe.

    He is such a moron. Make Climate Great Again!

  171. 171
    Pogonip says:

    @Chris: I hate summer too. Harsh glaring sunlight, humidity that mildews everything even slightly in the shade, flies, mosquitoes, fleas, arctic air-conditioning wherever you go, Daylight Savings Time so we can have even MORE harsh glaring sunlight, mowing, weeding. Yuck.

  172. 172
    jl says:

    @The Dangerman: Heard a news report on the big visit. Had clips of Trump speaking, then immediate segue into Brown speaking. That was a real mind bender. Got disoriented for a moment while driving. Should have given a trigger warning.

  173. 173
    Skepticat says:

    Yup, what you said, JC. Venting is good, and you’re aware of and understand where you are and basically why, which is key. Lots of us can identify very strongly with you. The darkness bothers me (part of why I live in the semitropics in the winter, where there are almost two more hours of light each day–c’mon down to visit), and I keep planning to add more exercise and increase up my intake of vitamin B12, which got me off pharmaceuticals. The road to hell, etc, My insignificant other (for whom I’m lonely, as he’s in New England and I’m not) has all sorts of plans for when he wins the lottery, but he isn’t interested in buying a ticket. Hang in there, JC–and all the rest of you.

  174. 174
    zhena gogolia says:


    I hope things improve soon.

  175. 175
    minachica says:

    @debbie: Ugh you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that. My husband loved Wolf Hall which was kind of a surprise to me, so I’ve been waiting for that too. Maybe she can’t bring herself to kill off Cromwell.

  176. 176
    The Dangerman says:


    The vacuum is coal fired.

    Excellent! But we’ll have to get the coal from back east somehow; maybe we use the Trump Space Force to drop it from altitude. Look out below!!

  177. 177
    PJ says:

    @JPL: This is a paraphrase from a Somerset Maugham story:

    He asked if I liked card tricks.

    I said no.

    He did five.

  178. 178

    J.C. tells it like it is!

    Big picture: Everything’s made of shit & we’re all dying.

    As far as appetite, I keep getting hungry, but have no desire to prepare anything & there’s nothing I really want to eat anyway.

    DVR is 92% full, but it seems like an awful effort/imposition to pay attention to anything.

    Plus, in the real world, U.S.C. lost to U.C.L.A. & Notre Dame won. (This is more irritating than mind-numbingly boring, but it doesn’t help.)

    Good thing breathing is autonomous; at this stage I wouldn’t bother, I’d just stop.

  179. 179
    chopper says:

    Why can’t I have the depression where you lose interest in eating?

    at least you have a future in writing greeting cards.

  180. 180
    Thor Heyerdahl says:

    I’m finding it difficult the last couple of weeks since the end of DST to get focused and be effective with work and try to break out of lethargy. I just have to push forward.
    I did cook Adam’s chili recipe today – something warm for a grey chilly (ha) day.

  181. 181

    @M. Bouffant:

    Plus, in the real world, U.S.C. lost to U.C.L.A.

    This is a good thing. Thirty years ago after seeing the opposite result I got a call from the hospital that my mom had died.

  182. 182
    trollhattan says:

    Call and response at next Trump rally:
    “Rake that snake!”
    “Lock him up!”
    repeat 4x.

  183. 183
    jl says:

    Re Trump’s tweets on the CA fires. For the first one, the full weight of my judgment cam down on his threat to pull funding. That was inexcusable. But, I told myself, it is understandable if he didn’t know who managed what forests in CA off the top of his head. A normal person would have placed a few phone calls to check, but that’s another matter. I knew the percentage of CA forests managed by the state is low, but I didn’t know it’s below 5%. I was aware a lot of forest state parks is jointly managed with NPS and National Forests, with feds taking the lead. Over 60% federal, around 30% privately owned, and rest state and local.

    Now its a week latter and Trump is still talking like the state of California runs all its forests, and we just need to get rake crews in there to rake out the bushes, or brush or dead wood, something (? not sure what that means ?)

    Did none of the WH Trumpsters tell Trump that the Camp Fire started in Plumas National Forest? Probably started by a peculation greed and explosion transmission line that the utility knew was sparking, but didn’t do anything about for over a day? Or, was it beyond them to figure it out? Or they were scared to tell their boss?

    BTW, heard head of either western, or national association of public utilities on a radio report saying that just maybe pec greed and explo needed to be broken up (because their top management has been, and is, and prolly will be forever, so crooked and incompetent that they were giving the private for-profit public utility industry a bad name and stinking up the joint, which is a pretty neat trick – OK didn’t say that part, but did probably not necessary)

  184. 184
    different-church-lady says:

    Yah know, Cole, I find this here little website endeavor of yours rather valuable to my sanity.

    I mean, if that helps your spirits at all…

  185. 185
    Immanentize says:

    I may be folding, myself.

  186. 186
    Lit3Bolt says:

    @Tony Jay

    By my Elder Warren, I’m glad someone got the reference!

    Seriously, I thought I was depressed, until I started reading about Seren Pedac and Udinaas and Felisin.

    For all of you bent towards fantasy novels (with an 800 page N), in these dark days of winter try Steven Erikson’s Malazan Book of the Fallen series. 10 books of Beyond-Tolkien-esque fantasy that will make your brain burst before your heart, because there’s no Appendix A like in Return of The King to help you here.

    Still, for all their flaws, I think they’re better written than 90% of most fantasy today, and is very progressive (no Conan style male-warrior rape-world fantasies here). I urge anyone to try at least Gardens of the Moon and Memories of Ice.

  187. 187

    @Cermet: Well said, sir. Well said!

  188. 188
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Gustopher: Grow lights work wonders.

  189. 189
    satby says:

    Tl:dr, but come sit by me John.
    I have brownies.

  190. 190
    jl says:

    Also heard an interview with a geographer and forestry expert from University of the Pacific, which has a big new wildfire simulator up and running with more data than ever before. They said that there are more problems with urban-forest interface than just more buildings in or near the forest to catch fire, and more ignition sources.

    Apparently one reason fires spread more rapidly in urban-forest interface is that the development changes landscape a in way that makes bigger fires and spread faster. Leveling land for construction, clearing wide corridors in forest for buildings and roads, changes wind patterns, plus heat island effect on moisture and temp makes a big difference in how fires spread. The interface itself acts as an accelerant.

    Which is fine with me. Inscome climates the best solution to urban-forest interface is to not have them. But, maybe I am becoming and old grouch. OTOH, I’ve been in urban-forest interface developments in California during summer and fall, and I often think, ‘man this shit is dry, would make me feel nervous living out here’. But, I am a grouch (who’s done a lot of agricultural burns).

  191. 191

    @Cermet: You make it sound like just another day in the forest.

  192. 192
    jl says:

    @trollhattan: Is true that Trump said the problem would be fixed now that he’s on it. So, that scares the shit out of me. Whole Pacific Coast will probably go up in smoke now. Probably all at once.

  193. 193
    Jay says:

    SCENE: Presidential Palace of Finland.
    Sauli Niinistö: I’m gonna tell him we all rake our forests.
    Juha Sipilä: No fucking way he’ll fall for that!
    Niinistö: Watch and learn.
    Trump: “You gotta take care of the floors. You know the floors of the forest, very important… I was with the President of Finland… he called it a forest nation and they spent a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things and they don’t have any problem.”
    Embedded video

    1:06 PM – Nov 17, 2018”

  194. 194
  195. 195


    maybe I am becoming and old grouch.


  196. 196
    jl says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Shouldn’t you damned kids be out concrete slabbing the forests for a better future tomorrow today? MAGA! MAGA the forests!

  197. 197
    debbie says:


    Has wintery upstate New York gotten the better of you?

  198. 198
    wasabi gasp says:

    Yeesh. I’ll pull a few pins outta the doll.

  199. 199
    West of the Rockies says:


    Okay, that made me chuckle.

  200. 200
  201. 201
    jl says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Thanks very nice pics. Looks like you fireproofed them asbestos foam. MAGA!

    Now I have to go fix some bigger problems. Youtube has decided I have a fascination with some guy who, pokes through, and sometimes apparently, eats very very old military rations. Oldest was an 1899-1902 British emergency rations kit.

    I haven’t clicked on not even one of of them. Algorithm malfunction? I haven’t done any weird food searches.

    Edit: except I did download a bunch of stuff from a recent BJ recipe post. Was that it?

  202. 202
    Jay says:


    Here, outside of urban areas, we have mixed aspen/fir pine or mixed alder-birch-maple/fir, spruce cedar.

    The deciduous trees creat a moister, wetter, micro climate, the trees hold more water, lack many of the chemical components like pitch, and of course, don’t have a flammable path to crown.

    When a crowning fire hits an aspen block, it ususally blows out the crown, driving the fire back down to ground level and slowing it to a crawl, sometimes killing it all together.

    So of course, the Ministry of Forests uses glysophate spraying to kill out the deciduous trees in the forest when they exceed 5% of the trees, because fir, pine, spruce, cedar are more economically valuable to the logging companies.

  203. 203


    So of course, the Ministry of Forests uses glysophate spraying to kill out the deciduous trees in the forest when they exceed 5% of the trees, because fir, pine, spruce, cedar are more economically valuable to the logging companies.

    Apparently raking works better.

  204. 204

    When I’ve hit a low, I go read xkcd, Jessica Valenti, and Meeting Boy. I always feel better afterwards.

  205. 205
  206. 206
    Jay says:


    I know, but here we never recovered from the Rake Shortage of 1873.

  207. 207
    jl says:

    @Jay: Sorry to hear that. Sounds like the forest underbrush thinning scams that corporations try to run around here in CA. I have nothing against them in principle, but it seems like somehow someway, mysteriously, no matter all the avuncular good will and careful planning beforehand, once the contracts is signed, all the valuable timber comes out and the dead trees and underbrush stays. Funny how that works.

    If thinning is part of better forest management, public/private corporate implementations have to be run differently, and sure down’t want the Trumpsters running it.

    I remember reading that similar bending of forestry management to for-profit corporate will lead to horrible disaster in Australia 15 our so years ago. Except there it was Eucaplytus, which in a drought can be like huge firecrackers planted in the ground.

  208. 208
    jl says:

    @Jay: BillinGlendaleCA:will explain how that is due to the California Constitution being completely screwed up.

  209. 209
    Jerzy Russian says:


    I may be folding, myself.

    You did not get that inside straight? Better luck next time.

  210. 210
    MomSense says:


    I’m really sorry you have been going through this and I’m sure the length of time you’ve been enduring all the stress makes it that much tougher. Are you currently getting help for your depression? If you are being treated, do you think you are working with the right person? Being depressed makes everything more difficult and finding a job is already rough. You need more support. Can we help you figure out some options? I know this comment sounds terribly inadequate and I’m sorry for that but I do think the first step is to get you the right support.

  211. 211
    Jay says:


    Probably the biggest problem, is that outside of a few private landholders, the forests arn’t managed as an integrated ecosystem.

    Here, I clear my firebreaks every spring, which means pulling out the fir and spruces, the supowelli, and leaving the aspen.

    Every fall, a T’kumloops Septewemic Firstarter comes up and does controlled burns in a selected 10 acre patch, to manage the forest back to the mixed model ecosystem at the point in time of contact. She also burns out invasive species.

  212. 212
    satby says:

    @Immanentize: you c’mon over here too. I can make more brownies. Brownies and friends can make almost anything better.

  213. 213
    trollhattan says:

    I encourage viewing the Google sat image of the Camp Fire zone between the ignition point and Paradise. Outside the canyon and north of Highway 70 it looks barren, largely treeless.

    Rake that rock.

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    Middlelee says:

    I just googled the question and she was finishing it this year and it may come out in 2019. I’d forgotten about it. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/jul/05/hilary-mantel-says-final-wolf-hall-book-unlikely-to-come-out-in-2018-as-planned

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    dww44 says:

    @whoeveriwasiforget: Second this. And, while I don’t know much about antidepressants I can recommend OTC melatonin.

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    It doesn’t usually hit me until about February, and every year I act surprised when it does. Complaining about it, useless as it is, seems to lighten it for me. It’s dark too much.

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    jl says:

    @trollhattan: Well, that is another issue. No timber company is going make a buck thinning that area on any terms.I was talking about other areas, Central Sierra in particular.

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    matt martin says:


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    Jay says:


    There’s a lot of scrub brush and grasses in those photo’s.


    Cheatgrass is one of the worst fuels. It’s unique make up causes it to burn fast, hot enough to sterilize the ground, and the slightest winds blow embers everywhere.

    The California fires are not forest fires, because there is no forest. They started off as grassfires and scrub fires, but when they near towns, they become “interface fires” because they are a mix of scrub, grasses and urban landscaping.

    Russian sage is another nasty villain, but it’s that pretty grey green, with blue flowers, bees and butterflies love it, it’s commonly planted as a xeriscape plant,

    But it explodes like a bomb in an interface fire and the slightest breeze turns it into a flying firebomb.

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    hilts says:

    @West of the Rockies, debbie, zhena gogolia, MomSense

    Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words.
    I’m 54 which is too old for most employers.

    @ tybee
    “life sucks.then you die.”
    Thomas Hobbes should have had you for his editor. You perfectly summarized several hundred pages of Leviathan

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    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Miss Bianca: Mirtazapine has been a wonder drug for me. No more insomnia, and mood stays up unless shit gets very bad. Can’t drink more than one drink or I get loopy, though. No biggie.

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    Matt Smith says:

    John, sympathizing here. And I appreciate your being transparent about it. I feel more alone with my own depression than I really should, and posts like this make me reconsider.

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    Zelma says:


    Lived in Pittsburgh for 40 years and still got lost at times. My favorite memory was my first attempt to get downtown from Squirrel Hill. I looked at a map and there was the Blvd. of the Allies that went right downtown. Except that in the middle it ended at a cliff. Somehow found myself on the other side of the Monongahela River. Good luck.

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    MLC says:

    Things are shitty right now. It wears on good hearts. Spend some time with people who love you, and please hang in there, even though it feels really hard.

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    Try central-northern California right now. If the smoky toxicity doesn’t take you down by itself the “Mad Max”, dystopian, zero-visibility landscape will depress you anyway.

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    Cathie from Canada says:

    I would like to start a national movement to move Christmas to January 25 — looking forward to Christmas is the only way I survive November and December (cold, gloomy, snowy here) and every year I dread January. If I had another month to look forward to Christmas, that would be just great!

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    No One You Know says:

    @jeffreyw: Miss Anne Elk, surely.

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    brendancalling says:

    @Steve in the ATL: I AM the bass player, lolol

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    Dave in ME says:

    You are not alone John. I grew up in Cleveland OH and we would have five months of shit weather and no sun. As someone who needed to be outside as much as possible that made things shit. I already was dealing with a life long affliction of low grade depression so late fall and winter just flattened me.

    I hope you find solace soon.

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    The Pale Scot says:

    Personal short term depression alleviation

    The wonderful Lily Allen – Fuck you – Live

    Foul mouthed Cockatoo Freakout

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    brantl says:

    I need to win the lottery so I can be rich and miserable.

    Man, you sound like a Republican.

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