Floriduh! Man: Friday Night Run Down

Has Floriduh! Man been busy? Of course Floriduh! Man has been busy! What are you, a wise guy???

First up, fun and games down on the farm!

From WFLA TV Channel 8:

ST. JOHNS COUNTY, Fla. (WESH) — A St. Johns County, Florida, man has been jailed on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.

Deputies say Howell Morris, 72, chased down his neighbor on a tractor last month.

The bizarre incident was filmed by the neighbor’s wife.

In the video you can see a man running from the tractor.

It’s all good fun until someone is turned into mulch…

Next up Floriduh! Man misplaces his gator.

Take it away ABC Action News:

LAKEWOOD RANCH, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities are searching for two suspects after an injured alligator was dumped in a Wawa store.

Manatee County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Dave Bristow as saying the department was alerted to the alligator around 2:30 a.m. Friday. Bristow says the department was told two people had dropped off a three-foot (1-meter) alligator at the Lakewood Ranch convenience store.

“It wasn’t that big, but inside of a store, anything like that is too big,” said customer Fred Stange.

Deputies alerted the Fish and Wildlife Commission, which sent a trapper who removed the gator.

Justin Matthews is a Manatee County wildlife expert.  He said the case is rare, but alligators are on the move during June.

“This is mating season for them, the best thing to do is just leave them alone,” said Matthews.

Does Floriduh! Man listen to Alex Jones? Of course Floriduh! Man listens to Alex Jones…

WFTV ABC Channel 9 come on down!

DELTONA, Fla. – A Deltona man peacefully surrendered Tuesday evening after claiming he planted a bomb at the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office before barricading himself in his home, deputies said.

Deputies said they were called at about 6:30 p.m. to a home on North Worthington Drive near Fort Smith Boulevard and Newmark Drive after the anonymous threat was called in.

Investigators said they also received photos of a cellphone bomb.

Deputies said they saw Nicholas Licausi, 52, wearing a backpack as he closed a mailbox and ran into the home, deputies said. When deputies made contact with Licausi, he told them his neighbor had planted a device outside that was shooting microwaves into his brain, deputies said.

Neighboring homes were evacuated and several nearby streets were closed, investigators said.

The Sheriff’s Office’s bomb squad was called to the home. Deputies and bomb squad units searched the home but did not find any explosive materials. The item Licausi claimed was a bomb was actually an electrical box on a pole, deputies said.

Licausi was treated at the scene for tear gas exposure and minor lacerations, deputies said. He was treated at Halifax Health before being taken to the Volusia County Branch Jail on $10,500 bond.

We end with an example of Floriduh! Man that has everything that makes Florida Floriduh! Really old people, guns, church, and sex!

US News reports:

LACOOCHEE, Fla. (AP) — Investigators in Florida say a 91-year-man thought a pastor was involved with his ex-girlfriend, so he went to the church and confronted them with a gun.

An arrest report says Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Cornelius Jones following the Saturday afternoon incident at New Bethel AME Church in Lacoochee. He is charged with aggravated assault.

Investigators say the ex-girlfriend still lives with Jones. Jones wanted to know why she was at the church and the pastor approached them when he heard Jones’ voice.

That’s when investigators say Jones stood up, held the handgun above his head and threatened the pastor. The report said the pastor and three women went into his office and called 911.

Jail records don’t list a lawyer for Jones.

Stay freaky!

Open thread.

34 replies
  1. 1
    NotMax says:

    Maybe we can arrange for Florida to be towed further out to sea…

    ReplyReply
  2. 2
    West of the Rockies says:

    I’m guessing that was more running than that old boy has done in 25 years.

    ReplyReply
  3. 3
    Mike in NC says:

    Our friends in Land O Lakes (named after a brand of butter?) swear that Florida is the weirdest place they’ve ever lived. Ten years there, including Naples.

    ReplyReply
  4. 4
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Mike in NC: There’s no connection between the butter and the town in Florida.

    ReplyReply
  5. 5

    @NotMax: Climate Change should take care of that.

    ReplyReply
  6. 6
    Just One More Canuck says:

    @Mike in NC: that’s what happens when you live in America’s wang

    ReplyReply
  7. 7
    gene108 says:

    I find those episodes a bit tame for Floriduh! man.

    Outside of the alligator at the Wawa, they could’ve happened anywhere.

    ReplyReply
  8. 8
    YetAnotherJay formerly (Jay S) says:

    Florida, man has been jailed on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill

    So this was just a neighborly “get off my lawn”? What intent did he have?

    ReplyReply
  9. 9
    Elizabelle says:

    Good lookin’ gator.

    ReplyReply
  10. 10
    MagdaInBlack says:

    https://twitter.com/theori/status/1017581577079910402
    I’m not ashamed to say i found this to be a beautiful thing.

    (Please god let that link work)

    ReplyReply
  11. 11
    oatler. says:

    @Mike in NC: Same here! I know a few things because I’ve seen a few things (in Delray Beach). No desire to return. Bumbadumpabumbumbum

    ReplyReply
  12. 12
    MagdaInBlack says:

    (Did not intend to be so OT…just needed to share my uncivil joy)
    ETA: 2 old men fighting over coochee in LaCoochee…..nice.

    ReplyReply
  13. 13
    NotMax says:

    “Nothing runs like a Deere.”

    Except the person being chased.

    ReplyReply
  14. 14
    Shell says:

    on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.

    So….intent to bruise?

    ReplyReply
  15. 15
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Shell: Intent to perforate in a less than lethal manner.

    ReplyReply
  16. 16
    Jager says:

    Speaking of old folks. One of my friends walked his MIL down the aisle and gave her away, she was 84 and the groom was 83. At the reception, after a few cocktails and toasts the new husband leaned over to my friend and said, “I fell in love Lydia the first time we took a shower together.”

    ReplyReply
  17. 17
    Adam L Silverman says:

    There have been a lot of dumb takes today, this has to rank right up there:

    ReplyReply
  18. 18
    Shell says:

    I fell in love Lydia the first time we took a shower together.”

    Both romantic and a friend to the environment!

    ReplyReply
  19. 19
    Mary G says:

    I thought the Tennessee Man I linked to in the last thread was auditioning for the Florida big leagues:

    Police said an impaired Maryville man who pulled a gun on an 80-year-old family member Tuesday night ended up on the ground in his own urine when the elder man grabbed the firearm and pistol-whipped him in the back of the head.

    Maryville Police officers charged Jody Thomas Covington, 50, Belle Meade Drive, with aggravated assault and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. He was being held on bonds totaling $275,000 pending a 9 a.m. July 19 hearing in Blount County General Sessions Court.

    Officers were called to the home where Covington resides at around 11 p.m. Tuesday to a report of an impaired person, a police report states.

    Officers said they entered the home to find the victim, an 80-year-old family member of Covington’s, standing in the kitchen. It’s also where Covington was lying face down in the floor in his own urine, police said.

    The older man said Covington drank six 24-ounce beers throughout the day and was extremely impaired. The man said Covington approached him with what he believed to be a BB gun and when he berated Covington for this behavior, Covington told him, “I’m going to f- — you up.”

    Covington allegedly racked the gun, which loaded a round into the chamber, and the alleged victim realized it was a lethal firearm. The older man said he walked to the kitchen and called 911, but Covington grabbed the phone while he was talking to dispatchers.

    The older man said he was able to get the loaded gun out of Covington’s hand and used it to strike him twice in the back of the head, immobilizing him.

    He then stood over Covington with his foot on his back to prevent Covington from getting up until police arrived.

    ReplyReply
  20. 20
    chris says:

    For the Whovians among us my favourite thing from today’s protests in Britain. Dalek Trump invades Westminster!

    More info and video, with Theresa CyberMay and Secret Sevice agents armed with plungers, here.

    ReplyReply
  21. 21
    Luthe says:

    They have Wawa in Florida? I’m jealous!

    *grumbles about the lack of Wawa north of 287*

    ReplyReply
  22. 22
    West of the Rockies says:

    @gene108:

    They could have happened anywhere. They DID happen in Florida.

    ReplyReply
  23. 23
    Adam L Silverman says:

    Oh goody!

    ReplyReply
  24. 24
    Yarrow says:

    @Adam L Silverman: What could possibly go wrong?

    ReplyReply
  25. 25
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Yarrow: From the article, apparently nothing so far. But a number of very senior elected and appointed officials in Maryland have their hair on fire right now.

    ReplyReply
  26. 26
    Starfish says:

    Man With No Arms Accused of Stabbing Tourist With Scissors in Florida

    ReplyReply
  27. 27
    ArchPundit says:

    When the guy is chasing you with a tractor, you have to weave in and out of the trees to slow him down. Everyone knows that.

    ReplyReply
  28. 28
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Starfish: That one felt icky because the guy is disabled, so I left it out. I actually had video of the attack I could’ve posted too.

    ReplyReply
  29. 29
    NotMax says:

    @ArchPundit

    Serpentine!

    ;)

    ReplyReply
  30. 30
  31. 31
    jl says:

    So, the pastor was in a foursome in the church, with three women? Wow. That is some Floriduhpastor for you.

    ReplyReply
  32. 32
    raptusregaliter says:

    Ok, so I know this is a dead thread now, but that alligator pic is mondo creepy. I can see now that it’s an old man holding the gator, but at first glance it looks like somebody photoshopped a gator emerging from lady parts. Made me do a serious double-take.

    ReplyReply
  33. 33
    DonL140 says:

    Thank you, Adam for your efforts. I enjoy reading them.

    How can Trump go through with this meeting? I doubt anyone can explain that.

    ReplyReply
  34. 34
    Aardvark Cheeselog says:

    The one about guy concerned with microwaves being beamed into his head is not fucking funny.

    If we lived in a non-shithole country there would be some kind of help for people like this, before they did something to get into the criminal injustice system.

    ReplyReply

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