Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn – Nancy Pelosi

I swear, each month of 2020 will have its own history degree.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Yes we did.

Not all heroes wear capes.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Everybody saw this coming.

This blog is Obama’s Katrina.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

This really is a full service blog.

The house always wins.

I personally stopped the public option…

Deploy the moving finger of emphasisity!

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Han shot first.

Trump is going to draw a dick on that dog with a sharpie, isn’t he?

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Mission Accomplished!

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Crock Pot Craziness / If I Find You Been Creepin’ ‘Round My Backstairs

If I Find You Been Creepin’ ‘Round My Backstairs

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“I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”

Christ almighty.

Goal Thermometer

Reader Interactions

144Comments

  3. 3.

    Teddys Person

    I understand what each of those words mean but am baffled by this particular arrangement.

  4. 4.

    Taiko

    Makes “Is our children learning yet?” sound deep.

  6. 6.

    Betty Cracker

    @Teddys Person: Me too. I guess he’s saying that he’s a bigger draw than Elton John, which is a lie, but so is almost every word out of his mouth. It amazes me that people will sit there and listen to this gibberish.

  7. 7.

    Bjacques

    I can easily imagine him saying this alone in a padded room. He pretty much is already.

  13. 13.

    Spanky

    I get the allusion in the title, but I dunno, Alex. I used to think that he might be exhibiting Sundown Syndrome, but I’ve come to believe that he’s simply nuts.

  16. 16.

    Teddys Person

    @Betty Cracker: I see what you’re saying, but in this context, record to me means music recorded on vinyl. Not “my crowd attendance is bigger than your crowd attendance.” Although who knows what the fuck he’s talking about. And how, in the name of everything that’s holy, did Elton John get dragged into his shitshow?

    The only phrase I understand is “I don’t have a guitar or an organ.” Here we’ve been calling him Donny Littledick when in fact it should be Donny Nodick.

  17. 17.

    wmd

    Yeah it’s really hard to make sense of it. Pretty sure he’s talking about getting fans to attend his events.

  18. 18.

    Roger Moore

    @Betty Cracker:

    I guess he’s saying that he’s a bigger draw than Elton John

    I think he’s saying he drew more people to that particular venue than Elton John, who must have had the record for the location before then. He claims he can squeeze in more people because his stage takes up less space than Sir Elton’s did, so there’s more space for audience. At least I think that’s what he’s saying.

  20. 20.

    Mnemosyne

    G was able to get us into a filmmaker screening of Sorry To Bother You tomorrow night, so I’m looking forward to that. It looks pretty cool and it has rave reviews.

    (“Filmmaker screening” means that the filmmakers will be there to talk about the film after the screening.)

  21. 21.

    Aleta

    And how much taxpayer and party money did you pay out to say this? And how much money would Elton John take in? And how do you hold your head up with shit for brains?

  22. 22.

    Mnemosyne

    @Roger Moore:

    Somebody looked it up yesterday — Elton John is scheduled to play at the 24,000-seat venue in 2019. Trump was at the 6,000-seat venue.

  23. 23.

    Baud

    The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain.

    This really should be added as a rotating tag line.

  24. 24.

    Teddys Person

    @danielx: I vote for worse. With Sarah Palin, you could find the topic of her gibberish if you squinted hard enough. With Dolt45, he just says whatever half-baked thought is stomping through his brain at any particular moment.

  32. 32.

    Roger Moore

    @Mnemosyne:

    Somebody looked it up yesterday — Elton John is scheduled to play at the 24,000-seat venue in 2019. Trump was at the 6,000-seat venue.

    I tried to explain what he was saying; I didn’t vouch for its accuracy.

    @Spanky:

    Why are you trying to decypher this?!? That way lies madness. Do not stare into that abyss!

    It’s what my brain does automatically. It tries to make sense of the information it’s presented. This is a big reason I generally avoid reading (or worse yet, listening) anything Trump releases. I wasn’t able to stop myself this time.

  37. 37.

    Roger Moore

    @Teddys Person:

    With Dolt45, he just says whatever half-baked thought is stomping through his brain at any particular moment.

    I believe the technical term is “free association”.

  39. 39.

    gene108

    Without the mouth, one cannot eat. The brain consumes a lot of calories, which it gets via the mouth eating food. No mouth, no brain.

    Suck on that libtards Donnie Dollhands.

  41. 41.

    narya

    There’s a part of me who would like to ask several of the audience members to translate that, and then compare the translations.

  43. 43.

    Roger Moore

    @zhena gogolia:

    No big E. John fan here, but Twitler isn’t fit to lick the toe of his boot.

    Twitler isn’t fit to lick Vanilla Ice’s boot.

  44. 44.

    Elizabelle

    @currants:

    This is very Palinesque.

    Cue William Shatner. And the bongo drum. Who knew, when we were laughing at that a few years ago, that worse awaited us?

  46. 46.

    EZSmirkzz

    Well let me red team the lad here for a bit. Caution O.O.D.A required.

    Mr. Trump thinks he can patch the fences with Russia, and they’ll just forget about the neo-cons color revolutions, having exacted their revenge on Hillary, and since Trump has given them, or will give them the Crimea, which they already possess anyway all will be swell and we can start building condos in the Caucasus.

    Meanwhile Americans will obsess about soy beans and a trade war with China, ( wonder where the deep state is on this?,) and of course sanctions on Iran, and all those do bads in like Venezuela, and having been sufficiently divided along partisan lines and economic inequality Americans will continue to play pocket pool with their buddies in whatever corner they think what they are doing is occurring, and all will be well with the world, because we are the right Americans, and we know stuff.

    The red team scenario is that China retaliates and raises tariffs, followed by more American tariffs, which go into place about election time along with sanctions against Iran, and the President gets to win some loose some for the crowds in the red hats. China retaliates and raises tariffs on all US products, and continues to trade for Iranian oil, providing weapons and food stuff in return. Iran threatens to close the Strait of Hormuz, and the scenario is nearly complete for Hobbes’s war of all against all.

    Europe is standing on the outside looking in, to paraphrase Stalin, how many divisions does the EU have? Well I guess they’ll just have to play pocket pogo too, because duck and cover is for school kids in post WWII America.

    Someone with bigger balls than brains launches an attack on Iranian nuclear sites, and Iran responds by closing the Strait with Arab oil tankers carrying crude and natural gas and crippling the SA GSC oil fields while the US rush capital ships into the Strait to straighten things out once and for all. Iran sinks some or all of these tin cans, and the US responds with tactical nuclear weapons on Iranian military targets which triggers secret defense agreements with Russia, China and Pakistan, which results in nuclear exchanges with Israel, India and the United States.

    Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the American public decries the lack of patriotic stupid is as stupid does of whichever patriotic partisanship of fools they belong to, and when all is said and done, N Korea possesses S, Korea, China possesses Taiwan and Japan, Russia controls Europe and America divides along regional lines of banality and ignorance.

    YMMV

  48. 48.

    Ninedragonspot

    I’ll give Trump this: he’s helped me appreciate just how hard it is to write a good Gertrude Stein parody.

  50. 50.

    MCA1

    @Teddys Person: I had been figuring the Elton John references had arisen out of free association after the Dotard said something aboutRocket Man, his bestest new buddy over in Asia. Also, too, extra Trumpian bonus for the MAGAts that the target of his “slam” just so happens to be gay.

  52. 52.

    trnc

    @Roger Moore:

    Twitler isn’t fit to lick Vanilla Ice’s boot.

    Hell, he’s not fit to lick Vanilla Ice’s underpants after Suge Knight dangled him from the balcony.

  53. 53.

    Yarrow

    I think Trump’s nonsense speak is kind of like what Stephen Colbert’s character said on one of his early shows in his “truthiness” The Word: “The “truthiness” is, anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news… at you.”

    Trump doesn’t read the speeches to his audience. He feels the speeches at his audience. They know what he means. They don’t really care how he says it.

  56. 56.

    Miss Bianca

    @EZSmirkzz: Is it just me, or is this only slightly more coherent than Trump’s word salad? I mean, I appreciate that it’s in complete sentences and all, but I’m afraid I just ain’t hep to your lingo, son. Maybe if I could get William Shatner to read it to me…bongo drums optional.

  60. 60.

    Josie

    @Roger Moore: Ah. The keyword here is analytical. I see what you meant when you said it’s the way your brain works. I’m envious of that ability.

  62. 62.

    Yarrow

    @Baud: NO! No words from Trump should be included as a rotating tag. Only exception would be if he resigns, then the text of his resignation announcement could be included.

  63. 63.

    narya

    @trnc: I suspect much of it would be a combo of anger, glee, and threats, without actually being able to make any more sense of it than the rest of us. I really don’t think they could make any coherent statement about its meaning–but I suspect they would make DIFFERENT incoherent statements about it, which would be fascinating if it weren’t so horrifying.

  64. 64.

    Roger Moore

    @Josie:

    I’m envious of that ability.

    It isn’t always a blessing. Sometimes it leads you into dead ends because you’re tying to make sense of stuff that’s just inherently nonsensical. I wonder if that’s what’s happening with my interpretation of Trump; he’s just spewing a bunch of random free association and I’m trying to interpret into it a coherence that was never there.

  65. 65.

    Haroldo

    I think ol’ Donny wanted to show George Clinton just how it’s done, just as he’s demonstrated to Elton John. “MAGAt Brain,” indeed.

    ETA: danielx @ #29 got there first.

  67. 67.

    gvg

    i think he has Elton John on his mind because of the story about this White House sending Kim a copy of Rocket Man. Supposedly he already asked Kim if Kim knew about Rocket Man. I used to think the NK dictator was nuts. Now I think he has a lot of self control. Or maybe seeing the powerful country that has menaced yours for generations lead by a moron just makes him laugh. Good Lord.

  68. 68.

    MattF

    Beyond parody. I tell ya, by the end– I was expecting words about his love of pie.

  69. 69.

    Elizabelle

    A Friday evening non-Trump thread would be frosty. Enough on the word salad and addled brain of this traitor.

  72. 72.

    Josie

    @Roger Moore: Lol. I’m sure Trump’s meanderings are real irritant for you. I’ve gotten to the point that I cannot look at him, listen to him, or even read his words. I just practice complete avoidance most of the time.

  73. 73.

    maya

    This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”

    Simple: He’s letting his pal Putin know that he’s gonna get a smart blowjob on the 16th.

  74. 74.

    Roger Moore

    @Josie:
    For me, it’s mostly that I can’t stand the sound of his voice. If I have any control, I will turn him off ASAP. Sometimes I can read his words without trouble. I guess a tweet is about as much as I can be confident in handling in one go.

  75. 75.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Miss Bianca: Well old woman, it’s a worst case scenario based on historical precedence’s, and having studied American weaknesses. Appreciate your attempt at sarcasm though, with a little work you’ll get there. I’ll withhold mine for the time being. because everyone thinks I’m a nice guy.

    PS: I hit my mark.

  77. 77.

    sdhays

    @Baud: I hope, if we are unfortunate enough to be subjected to another campaign with this piece of shit, that the gloves are all the way off and big ad buys go on heavy rotation with different clips of his word vomit where he’s totally incomprehensible. State it clearly: he’s not just horrible, he is not even half “there”.

  81. 81.

    Miss Bianca

    @EZSmirkzz: Uh, no. No, you haven’t “hit your mark”. Unless your mark was:

    1. Throw a bunch of jargon around
    2. ??
    3. ANALYTIC VICTORY!

    If *that* was the case, then yeah…right on, dude.

  83. 83.

    The Dangerman

    Palm Springs 117. Not all that surprising. San Bernardino 113. Surprising (almost as hot as PS; 113 for SB not that unusual).

    Dry heat, of course.

  84. 84.

    BC in Illinois

    Like Trumps 90-second “Nuclear” sentence . . .

    “Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you’re a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are — nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right, who would have thought? — but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.”

    . . . the Elton John sentence needs to be made into an assignment for orators.

    I want to hear what John Lithgow would do with this material.

  87. 87.

    Miss Bianca

    @Omnes Omnibus: One of the reasons I enjoyed lurking round this joint for so many years was the realization that there was at least one other Sabatini fan here! : )

    Just finished re-reading another of his French Revolution novels (very early effort) called “The Trampling of the Lilies.” Let’s just say…”Scaramouche” it ain’t. Though it was interesting to see his take on Robespierre.

  90. 90.

    Roger Moore

    @The Dangerman:
    It’s 113°F in Pasadena, which is not just surprising but downright crazy. I’ve lived there for close to 30 years, and I don’t think I’ve seen it over 110°F in that time.

  91. 91.

    The Moar You Know

    I used to think the NK dictator was nuts.

    @gvg: None of the Kim family ever were nuts. Ruthless and brutal, yes. But not crazy. That was our media’s slant on things, not the reality.

    They would not have lasted a day in power if they had been. Much like Saddam Hussein, the other “crazy dictator” who was not crazy at all.

  95. 95.

    The Dangerman

    @Roger Moore:

    It’s 113°F in Pasadena…

    Yowza, don’t think I’ve seen that for Pasadena ever. For comparison, I left Bakersfield about 10:30 this morning and came across the 46 (saw Brit Floyd in concert in Bakersfield last night; two thumbs up and I value my life too much to drive 46 around midnight … plus, Floyd show; just from breathing, I may have been impaired a little).

    Anyway, all the way across to Paso, didn’t spike over 102 per car. Car said 108 in SLO (I called bullshit). Weather has 103 in Pismo (which is not all that unusual) so 108 for SLO isn’t out of the question.

  101. 101.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Miss Bianca: First let me ask you if you even know what O.O.D.A stands for what it would imply concerning my comment. If you don’t understand that then I’m sure the remarks were lost on you. It’s no big deal, it wasn’t directed towards you anyway.

    @FlyingToaster: I’m so old I can remember when John was part of the Pajama Media crew.

    See! No sarcasm yet!

  105. 105.

    Mnemosyne

    @ruemara:

    I’ve been wanting to see it anyway, but getting to see it as part of G’s internship is a nice bonus. ?

  107. 107.

    Mary G

    The people he was talking to understood him perfectly, as indicated by the two blonde tots in full MAGA regalia who spoke of overpopulation in Montana. The first members of the Twitler Youth battalion.

  108. 108.

    Mnemosyne

    @The Dangerman:

    The day we got married in Pasadena, it was 108 degrees. All of the festivities were indoors, but my family still bitches about it to this day.

  111. 111.

    FlyingToaster

    @Chip Daniels: Possibly someone in Moscow, or more likely St. Petersburg. But it could also be out in one of the great square states, because (as I grew up out there) they sure as fuck don’t teach essay writing anymore.
    @Haroldo: It was only marginally less coherent that than the ferret-headed shitgibbon himself. China already imposed the tariffs, and the farmers in Iowa and Missouri are screaming. The EU has all of its NATO troops — oh, why bother?

  112. 112.

    TS (the original)

    @SRW1:

    Preschoolers are not as needy as that man-child.

    Preschoolers are very confident in themselves. They know they occupy a position of merit and love in their world.
    No-one is as needy as the US president*, the need for adoration is beyond understanding, the letter from Pruitt the latest example of what he does to people who try and be part of the deal.

  113. 113.

    MisterForkbeard

    @Mary G: Overpopulation…. in Montana?

    There’s almost 30 people in the whole state! I think they’ve got some room.

  115. 115.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Mnemosyne: Yes, I need to speak more slowly and louder.

    Actually I assume most politically active people understand more than they do, or at least try and give them the benefit of the doubt. It doesn’t always work out well.

    The comment under discussion(?) is well understood by people like Adam Silverman and Pat Lang. They will know exactly what I’m saying, and perhaps appreciate brevity over verbosity. If not I don’t care about that either, I laid out the red scene as I see it could unfold.

  116. 116.

    FlyingToaster

    @Mnemosyne: I’d never encountered it before. Which means nothing; I drop out for weeks at a time to deal with meatspace.

  118. 118.

    MJS

    @EZSmirkzz: No, you chose pomposity over brevity. And you continue to do so. I’m starting to think you’re Sebastian Gorka.

  120. 120.

    EZSmirkzz

    @MJS: Of course having nothing to say you proceed to show me you have nothing to add either.

  121. 121.

    zhena gogolia

    @Miss Bianca: @Omnes Omnibus:

    Hmmm, I read that many years ago, and I used to live in a building that had a line from it carved in stone over the door, and I’ve seen the Stewart Granger movie 50 times, but I don’t remember Omnes Omnibus. I just saw this morning on Wikipedia that the folk etymology for “omnibus” is that there was a shop in Paris owned by a family named Omnès that had “Omnès Omnibus” over the door and that’s where they got the name omnibus.

  122. 122.

    EZSmirkzz

    JSYK

    The OODA loop is the decision cycle of observe, orient, decide, and act, developed by military strategist and United States Air Force Colonel John Boyd. Boyd applied the concept to the combat operations process, often at the operational level during military campaigns. It is now also often applied to understand commercial operations and learning processes. The approach favors agility over raw power in dealing with human opponents in any endeavor.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop

    It even works with politics. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohy4JoyThis

  123. 123.

    zhena gogolia

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Bus is a clipped form of the Latin word omnibus. A legend promoted by the French Transportations Museum website says the name is derived from a hatter’s shop of the Omnes family in front of the first station opened in Nantes by Stanislas Baudry in 1823. “Omnes Omnibus” was a pun on the Latin-sounding name of that hatter Omnès: omnes (nominative plural) meaning “all” and omnibus (dative plural) meaning “for all” in Latin. Thence, the legend concludes, Nantes citizens gave the nickname of Omnibus to the vehicle.

  124. 124.

    tomtofa

    He missed his time.
    Would have fit right in with the Beats…

    I
    by the way
    I don’t have a musical instrument.
    Elton has an organ.
    And lots of other people helping.

    Because you know, look
    I only need
    this space.
    We have people in that space.

    This is the only musical: the mouth.
    Right?
    The brain is much more important.

  125. 125.

    Mnemosyne

    @EZSmirkzz:

    When multiple people tell you that they don’t understand what you’re trying to tell them, it might be worth considering for a moment that perhaps the problem is the way you’re expressing yourself and not the other people.

    Kind of like when a guy tells you that all of his exes are crazy — after a certain point, you start to realize that his exes ain’t the real problem.

  126. 126.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Mnemosyne: Agreed. The writer is responsible for writing in such a way as to make their meaning clear. My bad. I don’t really have time to write a couple thousand words at the moment, and I really haven’t got any desire to start blogging again. However I’m quite sure the people I intend to reach are reading my comment loud and clear.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci3afKw_mcY

  130. 130.

    J R in WV

    This EZSmirkzz guy — surely I haven’t missed him all this time? What a buffoon, “Everyone I want to speak to understand me, totally!” Dumber than Herr Trumpenfuhrer, nearly. Not really, no one is that dumb, but for here? Yes…

    Will only speak of Pie for the rest of the life of the universe!

  131. 131.

    Miss Bianca

    @EZSmirkzz: And at this point, dear readers, she thought it apropos to quote her favorite line from Sense and Sensibility:

    Elinor agreed to it all with a sigh, for she did not consider him worth the compliment of rational opposition.

  133. 133.

    EZSmirkzz

    @J R in WV: Yes this is the bastion of intellectual discourse on the internet.

    Living is easy with eyes closed,
    misunderstanding all you see
    sometimes it’s hard to be someone
    but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.

  135. 135.

    Miss Bianca

    @EZSmirkzz: Funny, that’s *just* what was going thru’ my head about you! Exactly that! This wonderful world!

    @MJS: you know, honestly I’m sorry I even said anything. Because the windbag’s gassings, of which he seems so inordinately proud, would else have languished in the obscurity their obscurity deserved.

  137. 137.

    Mnemosyne

    @Miss Bianca:

    Turner Classic Movies let me know that today is Janet Leigh’s birthday by showing me a photo of her starring in Scaramouche. Weird coincidence.

  138. 138.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Miss Bianca: Isn’t it? First we lose our compassion, and when the world turns gray we spin a web of colors to shimmer like rainbows in the sunlight of each others drab light.

  140. 140.

    Miss Bianca

    @EZSmirkzz: Sure, Tovarisch. I guess I ought to have a little more compassion – after all, I remember my first semester of Russian. It’s hard when you just don’t have the vocabulary to express your deep, DEEP thoughts, and they come out sounding like gibberish, isn’t it? There, there.

  141. 141.

    Miss Bianca

    @Mnemosyne: Ooh, Janet Leigh is in the movie version of “Scaramouche”? Which I’ve never seen – dang it! Going to have to whistle that one up!

  142. 142.

    EZSmirkzz

    @Miss Bianca: Oh I’m touched. So now that we’re past the introductions, what do you think of the red team scenario? How do trade wars slip into hot wars, and how does one escape an information bubble? If you should know.

  143. 143.

    Tehanu

    @Mnemosyne: The day we got married in Glendale, outdoors, it was a mere 95. All the photos look like nobody’s there because everybody got out of their chairs and went to stand under the trees.

  144. 144.

    Matt

    And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ.

    It’s true. This man has no dick.

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