You can’t make this stuff up!
— Billy Corben (@BillyCorben) May 28, 2018
An anonymous call to the St. Augustine police Saturday morning led to the arrest of two people on drug possession.
Police say they responded to a parking lot on South Dixie Highway and found three people sitting in a car. The people in the car consented to a search and police say they found drug paraphernalia and a substance that field tested positive for crystal meth.
Crystal Methvin and Douglas Nickerson were arrested on drug possession charges.
Yes you read that right. Crystal Methvin has been arrested for possession of crystal meth. Apparently Barri Weiss was right. Who would’ve guessed? (Narrator: no one!)
And as a bonus we bring you a Floriduh! Man who went were no man should’ve gone (before or after).
— Billy Corben (@BillyCorben) May 30, 2018
Police say a man caught masturbating at a Clearwater bus stop told them he was Captain Kirk.
Clearwater police were called to a bus stop on Gulf to Bay Boulevard around 11:20 a.m. Monday for a report of a lewd and lascivious act.
Responding officers say they found a man sitting on a bench touching himself under his shorts. In an arrest report, police noted it was “obvious” the man was masturbating.
When officers asked what he was doing, the man told them, “I’m scratching myself.”
After the man was arrested for disorderly conduct, police asked him to identify himself.
The arrest report states the man told police his name was “James Tiberius Kirk,” the full name of the fictional character Captain Kirk from Star Trek.
Police say they later discovered the man’s real name is James Bundrick. The 56-year-old is now also facing a charge for providing a false name or identity to law enforcement.
Remember to not take your phaser out and wave it around in public if you know what I mean and I’m sure you do. It is, of course, only the logical thing to do.