Cheap Mockery Open Thread: Some GOP Drone Has Expensed His Secret Hobby

There is no shame in being a furry, of course. But if a furry is *also* paid by the GOP, I can understand why they’d want to keep their identity secret.
Speaking of bad conservative styling choices, I cannot highly enough recommend:

… Wherein (along with more obvious targets) Mr. Magary refers to “Richard Cohen’s curls” as “A maltese that found a magic lamp and wished to become a man”.

111 replies
  1. 1
    Ruckus says:

    Well at least I don’t have republican hair.
    Hard to take my picture like those, the glare would kill the shot.

  2. 2
    randy khan says:

    I know that national committees become creatures of the President, but this really is going to extremes to prove loyalty (and an equal level of stupidity).

  3. 3
    Mnemosyne says:

    10 to 1 that it’s Sean Spicer. 😂

  4. 4
    Ruckus says:

    @randy khan:
    I agree that it is extremely stupid. No matter how you look at it.

  5. 5
    SRW1 says:


    Are you sure? Has Reince P. found already found employment?

  6. 6
    Lalophobia says:

    This was a thing on the West Wing, only it was a chicken suit because the guy in question wouldn’t debate the other candidate. So it made infinitely more sense.

  7. 7

    @SRW1: too humiliating for Reince (so far).

  8. 8
    Sab says:

    Also, why do all republican women have to have long bleached blonde hair well into their sixties? For most women it’s not a good look after about age thirty.

  9. 9
    patrick II says:

    It seems bre’er Nunez has thrown bre’er Comey into the briar patch.

  10. 10
    sukabi says:

    Wasn’t going to read the entire GQ hair piece, but did…punchline is the last entry. 😂

  11. 11
    Mike J says:

    There was a tweet where somebody found that lion costume on a website. Made in China.

  12. 12
    Mike J says:


    This was a thing on the West Wing, only it was a chicken suit because the guy in question wouldn’t debate the other candidate. So it made infinitely more sense.

    The West Wing ep was based on when the Clinton campaign sent a chicken to Bush Sr events. Bush got into an argument with the chicken, I think it was Carville that said, “when you argue with a guy in a chicken suit you’re losing.”

  13. 13
    Lalophobia says:

    @Mike J: Damn it, I knew that was based on a real thing, but I couldn’t remember who the real people were.

  14. 14
    EBT says:

    Passing these photos around the fur circles and see if this is a fur or not.

  15. 15
    Steve in the ATL says:

    There is no shame in being a furry, of course.

    “Of course” might be too strong….

  16. 16
    debbie says:

    Pretty pathetic looking for a lion.

  17. 17
    different-church-lady says:

    OT: so Twitter is basically a thing where someone makes a snarky joke and then everyone responds with gifs, yes?

  18. 18
    Bruuuuce says:

    Stalking. Just like everything else, apparently IOKIYAR

  19. 19

    @EBT: how would you know? If it’s off the rack.

  20. 20
    debbie says:


    Words have become so tiring.

  21. 21

    @Sab: I warned the kid about that when she wanted to go blond at 32, didn’t turn out bad at all(she’s youngish looking).

  22. 22
    Mnemosyne says:


    Spicer played the Easter Bunny at least once during W’s administration, so he has prior experience. That would give him the edge in interviews. 😂

  23. 23
    Mnemosyne says:


    I know several older ladies (like my mom) who went platinum blonde once they got too gray. It’s actually a pretty good look since it’s pale enough not to look totally unnatural.

    ETA: Think Helen Mirren or Judi Dench.

  24. 24
    Feebog says:

    The GQ article is quite droll. Trey Gowdy’s tie is right out of Nightmare on Elm Street.

  25. 25
  26. 26
    SRW1 says:


    Ahhhh, what a cute bunny!

  27. 27
    VOR says:

    In 2014 the RNC did the same thing to Hillary Clinton during her book tour. They had someone in a squirrel costume wearing a shirt saying “another Clinton in the White House is nuts”. HRC walked right up to the squirrel and gave it a copy of her book, on camera. Link to CNN talking about it on Youtube.

  28. 28
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    I’m already 50 percent gray, and will probably be 80 or 90 percent gray within the next couple of years — it’s in my genes. Fortunately, I have a great colorist!

    Though if I do manage to make a living with romance noveling, I might go gray. It’s coming in a very pretty silver-gray, not that muddy gray that some people get stuck with.

  29. 29
    Lyrebird says:

    @Sab: I dunno, I will split hairs on this, though maybe Hope Hicks and the new spokesperson, Schlapp might be her name?, are the brunette exceptions that prove the rule.

    I think that most of the spokespeople chosen are objectively good looking until their hateful and deceitful words come pouring out… exception for Cortes and don’t say Stephen Miller, he’s like the undead.

    K. Conway is just showing the effects of drinking unicorn’s blood to survive, I think.

  30. 30
    Sab says:

    @Mnemosyne: That’s short not long. If you want long bleached hair you had better start with amazingly thick hair.

  31. 31

    @Mnemosyne: I do have the benefit of being a boy in all this. Though my hair will affect my employment prospects at some point.

  32. 32
    Mnemosyne says:


    True. My mom’s hair is between chin and shoulder length, which is apparently considered “short” in hairstyling terms. The other older woman I know who does it (my shrink) has a bob of about the same length as my mom’s.

  33. 33
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    G is two years younger than me and has no gray in his hair (though some in his beard). That will probably help his job prospects, sad to say.

  34. 34
    catclub says:

    James Comey is another own goal Obama appointee who is republican. The Democrats should have learned to never appoint a Republican to anything.

  35. 35
    catclub says:


    has no gray in his hair (though some in his beard).

    This applies to me, beard has more gray. But the odd thing is that the hair on your head is 15 or so years older than the beard hair.

  36. 36

    @catclub: facial hair and eyebrows are usually lighter period, maybe the gray shows easier or something.

  37. 37
    frosty says:


    the glare would kill the shot.

    Mine too.
    You know those stories about amputees who feel a phantom limb. I can occasionally move my head to flip my hair off my glasses. The hair, of course, hasn’t been on my glasses since I was about 28. SAD!

  38. 38
    Sab says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Glad it turned out well. Often it does.

    I cannot believe I am in moderation over hair dye. Life is weird and often unfair.

  39. 39
    frosty says:

    @Mnemosyne: That’s more silver than platinum blonde, isn’t it? My wife went gray in her late 40s, colored it for years then accepted it. It’s a really nice silvery gray, not yellowed, looks great.

    I, on the other hand, would accept any color happily, as long as it’s hair.

  40. 40
    m.j. says:

    Job creators.

  41. 41
    frosty says:

    Baldness, gray hair, gray beards, etc. We seem to be On Topic with the furry in the OP. Is this really Balloon Juice???

  42. 42
    Ruckus says:

    Well I know a guy whose hair went pure white in his mid 20s. He has/had a full mane but pure white. We’d go someplace we hadn’t been in a year and everyone would remember his name, like Norm! on Cheers. Of course he drank a bit so it may have been as much the bar bill as his hair.
    A cousin went fairly bald at 28 but hasn’t lost any since. Me on the other hand I had a full head of hair until gravity decided that the hair on the top of my head should reside everywhere else and deserted it’s original location. Beard hasn’t fallen out yet though. Maybe because it’s so much younger. H/T @catclub:

  43. 43
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    Let’s not forget the gem Betty Cracker handed us this week: Rand Paul, labradoodle of Kentucky.

  44. 44

    @frosty: I don’t see why the aging process is particularly on topic with people who may or may not recreationally dress as animals.

  45. 45
    Mnemosyne says:


    Mirren finally went full gray in the last year or two, but she was rocking a pale/platinum blonde for at least a decade before that. Same with Dench.

  46. 46
    Sab says:

    @frosty: On the east coast this is indeed late night balloon juice. Thrilled its not crickets, like it is when the west coasters go to bed and leave the eastern insomniacs alone.

  47. 47
    frosty says:

    @Ruckus: Gravity… that’s why I’ll never have a ponytail again like I did in my late teens. It looks like your hair melted and ran down the back of your neck.

  48. 48
    frosty says:

    @Major Major Major Major: I thought the topics were follically connected. YMMV of course.

  49. 49
    Duane says:

    Imagine the look on the Easter Bunny’s face when he sees this!

  50. 50
    StringOnAStick says:

    I’m blonde and slowly turning pure white. Five years ago I let the hairdresser talk me into highlights and a few years later I decided it looked fake and stopped. I’ll be 60 in July but the white is mostly not happening and was worse when I was getting highlights, so who knows. I keep it long too since I put it up for work and recreation, and have a deep voice and don’t wear makeup so super short makes me a bit self conscious. I’d rather have a pony tail than hair flying in my eyes when recreating.

  51. 51
    Mike in NC says:

    @Ruckus: My dad in the early 1940’s had people shootIng at him. Hence the early white hair.

  52. 52
    frosty says:


    On the east coast this is indeed late night balloon juice. Thrilled its not crickets, like it is when the west coasters go to bed and leave the eastern insomniacs alone.

    Looks dead, dead, deadski at the moment.

  53. 53

    @frosty: maybe we all just have nothing more to add on the subject of hair.

  54. 54
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Our cat Annie is going to have to get a major haircut in the next couple of weeks to get rid of a bunch of knots in her fur that she won’t let us deal with. Does that count?

    Poor kitty is probably going to end up with a lion cut and be pissed off at us for it.

  55. 55
    Mary G says:

    Pompeo isn’t going to get out of committee, but McConnell’s apparently going to hold a full Senate vote on confirmation. This guy never met a rule he couldn’t break.

    I am going nuts. The adult housemates are in Guatemala for a funeral and the 14-year-old was left in my charge. He’s already grounded and ordered to come straight home after school. Everything was fine until tonight – he’s not home. hasn’t called or responded to texts and calls. I’m sure it’s just rebellion, but all I can think of are accident or arrest.

  56. 56

    @Mnemosyne: oh no! And pics when it does happen!

    Samwise is still gray. ETA he went gray suuuper young 🌝

  57. 57
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Mary G:

    Do you have the numbers for any of his friends’ parents? If so, it may be time to start calling around.

  58. 58

    @Mary G: yikes, hope everything’s okay.

  59. 59
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    It will depend on whether her dignity is hilariously injured, or pathetically injured. She’s our kitty who’s been having issues with an autoimmune problem (pemphigus) so she got behind on her grooming when she wasn’t feeling well and refused to let any of us (including the other cats) help out. Now she’s going to need to have a bunch of fur cut off and it may just end up looking like horrible animal neglect on our part even with professional help. 😳

  60. 60
    Mary G says:

    @Mnemosyne: No, but his mom just called from Guatemala. She can monitor his location from her iPhone, and she says his is turned off, so he’s deliberately AWOL. She is calling the friends’ moms. I feel a little better.

    ETA: My cats have had to be shaved a couple of times, and they hate it when you laugh, but it’s almost impossible not to.

  61. 61
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Mary G:

    Phew! Yes, better to let his mom track him down and yell at him for a while. He’ll be pissy when he finally gets home, but too bad.

    Don’t tell his mom (though she probably already suspects it), but he’s probably out celebrating 4/20 with his buddies. Is there any yardwork or other grubby work you can make him do this weekend in exchange for not ratting him out to his parents?

  62. 62
    Mary G says:

    The kids aren’t fooling around:

    Students registering to vote in Phoenix—> Worthy stat: Just 3.5 months into 2018, the number of 18 year olds who have registered to vote in Arizona is already DOUBLE what it was in all of 2017, per AZ Secretary of State’s office.— Vaughn Hillyard (@VaughnHillyard) April 20, 2018

  63. 63
    Mary G says:

    @Mnemosyne: I didn’t think of that. My plants need feeding, and they love this fermented fish/seaweed concoction I have. It reeks. Thanks!

  64. 64
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Mary G: And they’re not going to vote for Rethugs.

  65. 65

    @Mnemosyne: oh, right, drugs. That’s probably it.

  66. 66
    Neldob says:

    @Mary G: also you can text him you are worried and will call the cops if you don’t hear from him.

  67. 67
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    All of the grown-ass adults in my office were making 4/20 and MJ jokes all. day. long. I think the odds are pretty high that a 14-year-old boy on 4/20 is partaking even as we speak.

  68. 68

    @Mnemosyne: the one day of the year I’ve always been sure to abstain.

  69. 69
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Mary G:

    Just make sure you frame it as a choice: he can do this gross work for you and you won’t sell him out, or you’ll tell his parents as soon as they get back. But it’ll be up to him what he wants to do.

    (Note: I am only an aunt, not a parent, so I’m sure the parents who comment here are horrified by my suggestion. But you’re in more of an aunt role anyway, and IMO part of being an aunt or uncle is mediating between the parents and the kid.)

  70. 70
    hervevillechaizelounge says:


    James Comey is another own goal Obama appointee who is republican

    I have no hard evidence but I’m convinced no one outside of the Faux-sphere really understood how much the RWNJ media was radicalizing republicans.

    Sanity’s been leaking out of the party since the ’90s; all that’s left are grifters, racists, and aspiring pedophiles.

    Ever MSM reporter who mewled about “reaching across the aisle” deserves a shoryuken punch.

  71. 71


    I have no hard evidence but I’m convinced no one outside of the Faux-sphere really understood how much the RWNJ media was radicalizing republicans.

    I coulda told you that. Anybody who maintained that the party had any dignity left post-Palin had to have been in quite a bubble.

  72. 72
    smike says:

    @hervevillechaizelounge: Yes, yes, and yes! Well put. Comey is a hard core R. He thought we had two unfortunate choices during the election, unable to grok that there was only one choice, period.

    I’ve tried to imagine how many people could survive the years and years of prosecutions and millions of dollars worth of investigations and character assassinations that HC has. I don’t come up with any normal humans in that count.

  73. 73
    seaboogie says:

    Current mood: I think this administration should come with a free gym membership. Preferably one that permits me to hurl dumb-bell weights like a discus. Many plate glass windows a plus.

  74. 74

    Speaking of cheap mockery I wrote a song about Donald’s troubles

  75. 75
    Ruckus says:

    Could never get into pony tails, have no actual reason why. Just wore mine down to a few inches below my shoulders. Now it’s just run the trimmer over it and be done with it. Low maintenance is the way to go. Have had a beard since the day I got out of the Navy though, that’s 45 yrs ago. Have trimmed it differently over the years but now it’s just full and trimmed enough not to be scraggly.

  76. 76
    Fair Economist says:


    I think the odds are pretty high that a 14-year-old boy on 4/20 is partaking

    I see what you did there.

  77. 77
    Fair Economist says:

    I inherited premature grey from my father but dyed it for many years at the request of my husband. I recently went back to now almost white hair because I went to my hair stylist after house and he was in a hurry to get home and so talked me out of re-dyeing it. I didn’t realize that’s what was meant by “It’s all about the timing.”

    With hair so close to white there was no need for me to light up more for 4/20. One of my son’s friends played hooky from school to get stoned, and his parents don’t seem to care. I’m sure my son was partaking too.

  78. 78
    EBT says:

    @Major Major Major Major: If it’s a generic costume rental or someone’s hand designed original character? The kinda person who can afford thousands of dollars for a fursuit is going to also have lots of art of their character, which will be all over the internet and look at least somewhat different than other easy to ID characters. (My artic silver fox has arurua green and ice blue high and low lights and I don’t even have art)

  79. 79
    Ruckus says:


    Sanity’s been leaking out of the party since the ’90s;

    It’s been burned out (sanity back fires – set to make sure it doesn’t spread) starting a lot earlier than that.

  80. 80

    @EBT: Mike @11 referenced a tweet saying it was a store bought costume so I was asking from that assumption.

  81. 81
    EBT says:

    @Major Major Major Major: furs know what happen in fursuits. No fur is renting or buying a rental.

  82. 82

    @EBT: so you’re sure that’s a fur suit and not just a costume? Ok.

  83. 83
    EBT says:

    @Major Major Major Major: nope, thought you were asking if it would be possible to tell the difference. It’s 4/20 I spent all day busy.

  84. 84
    Mary G says:

    Happy to report that the 14 y.o. has turned up safe and sound’ he went to a concert.

  85. 85
  86. 86
    Jager says:

    Went snow white in my mid 30’s. The woman who cut my hair talked me into coloring it, “Just to see what it would look like”. I went home and my two little girls burst into tears. I think the dog barked at me too. Never did it again.

  87. 87
    Steeplejack says:


    Your link doesn’t work for me. This one does: “I’m a Peeliever.”

  88. 88
    Steeplejack says:

    @Mary G:

    Sorry, but that sounds like bullshit. Not bullshit like it’s not true, but bullshit like there’s trouble in River City. There may have been a concert involved, but what about violating lockdown and the secrecy (phone turned off)? And at age 14 he’s just spontaneously going to concerts without telling anybody? That’s what, eighth grade? Ninth grade, tops. If he gets off with “Hey, we’re just glad you’re home,” trust me, there’s trouble ahead.

  89. 89
    lowtechcyclist says:


    Pretty pathetic looking for a lion.

    Tremble little lion man,
    You’ll never settle any of your scores

  90. 90
    lowtechcyclist says:


    Ever MSM reporter who mewled about “reaching across the aisle” deserves a shoryuken punch.

    Nah, let’s make the punishment fit the crime. Lock ’em in a cell for a week with a TV playing Fox News 24/7.

    There might be a problem with the Geneva Conventions, but at least it might start to sink into them just what’s going on, on the other side of the aisle.

  91. 91
    satby says:

    Well this is one of the few times I have woken up to the same thread as the last one I was reading before going to sleep. Good morning to those still around.

    In the subject of hair, I still color mine back to it’s original red. I had planned to just let the gray take over but it looks like I take after my mom, who was mostly not gray until she passed away at 85. In her it was a nice salt and pepper because her natural color was a deep chestnut brown. On me my hair seems to be turning less silver and more dirty blonde. I was looking forward to no longer dyeing my hair.. Now it looks like if I want to have gray hair I’ll have to dye it that.😠

  92. 92
    satby says:

    Stomping a little on rikyrah’s turf to share a fun story from the hometown. Beverly is my Chicago neighborhood, still own the house on paper and grew up there. Glad to have the latest member of the local country club hang out.

  93. 93
    Sm*t Cl*de says:

    So if you attend a book-launch and browse through a copy wondering whether to buy it, with Comey signing copies on one side and the RNC furry on the other side, you’ll be reading between the lions.

  94. 94
    satby says:

    Okay, I must be the only one awake.

  95. 95
  96. 96
    Shana says:

    @Mnemosyne: I think Judi Dench has always been blonde or at least very light brown.

  97. 97
    daryljfontaine says:

    @different-church-lady: Like finger snaps at a poetry slam.


  98. 98
    Bobby Thomson says:

    How is the Eddie Munster “perfect?”

  99. 99
    WereBear says:

    I’ve always had chestnut, with ashy tones, so the gray blended in nicely and I could leave it alone. But a while back it reached the point where all the highlights went gray, and my darker hair now looked dull, so I put blonde highlights back in.

    It’s cheaper than trying to dye it back to my true color; since I have to wash it often and it grows fast, it would be a Hollywood investment to try and maintain it.

  100. 100
    Anne Laurie says:

    @satby: Life’s been too damned real around here this week. Including a — fortunately *much* less serious, thank you Trickster God! — health scare for our 16-year-old rescue Zevon. (Currently diagnosed as ‘just’ an abcess hidden under his ruff, plus an upper respiratory infection, plus another of his periodic hot spots on his back, poor old man. He’s generally in good shape for his age, but as you’re only too well aware: even for a 15lb dog, at his every health scare gets scary fast.)

  101. 101
    satby says:

    @Anne Laurie: I know! My own two oldsters keep me wondering sometimes; the oldest Rosie, was going through a serious digestive problem that made me worry it was time to say goodbye, but it turned out to be some bug and she pulled out of it. It’s still borrowed time, she’s the epileptic dog with all the other health issues and almost 14 now, but one day at a time as long as they’re good days.

    I’ve mentioned this stuff before, best ointment I’ve ever found for hot spots and skin issues. Durvet Nu-Stock, helps a lot, but wear gloves because it’s got a lot of sulpher. I put Rosie in an old T-shirt when I use it, otherwise it will rub off on everything. But it’s a miracle cream.

  102. 102
    Starfish says:

    There is no shame in being a furry, of course. But if a furry is *also* paid by the GOP, I can understand why they’d want to keep their identity secret.

    I know you try to keep the morning threads light, but Neo-Nazi furries are a thing.

  103. 103
    SFAW says:


    I’m already 50 percent gray, and will probably be 80 or 90 percent gray within the next couple of years — it’s in my genes.

    I was about 75 percent gray a few years ago, but now I’m at about 30 percent gray, without coloring.

    Unfortunately, the other 70 percent is pink. Well, flesh-colored, to be accurate.

  104. 104
    SFAW says:


    I know you try to keep the morning threads light

    You sure you’re in the right blog? “Light”? They’re often devoted to Shitgibbon’s latest tweet insanity.

  105. 105
    Ramalama says:

    A propos of…something, do youse all remember how the GOP went on and on about John Edwards’s hair, calling him the Breck Girl? Note: this is not a statement of how much I like or dislike John Edwards, it’s more pointing to the GOP on their hair propensities. Or some GOP members. Some really loud GOP members.

  106. 106
  107. 107
    EBT says:

    @Starfish: If you know about the Nazi furs but aren’t reading dogpatchpress, you are doing things wrong.

  108. 108
    Mnemosyne says:


    This is why I was prescribing a smelly day of yardwork for this stunt, with a side threat of Just wait until your parents get home if he refuses. There’s only so much punishment MaryG can impose as the temporary caregiver/honorary aunt in this situation.

  109. 109
    father pusbucket says:

    They clearly have no faith that their target audience can decode puns.

  110. 110
    Sm*t Cl*de says:

    Life, liberty and the fur-suit of happiness.

  111. 111
    cleosmom says:

    @Sab: The minimum three pounds of mascara is optional, of course.

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