According to The Post, Jeff Sessions just can’t worm his way back into Trump’s affections, no matter how hard he tries. And he tries really hard, y’all — doing everything but passing one of those “Do you like me — YES / NO” notes from elementary school during cabinet meetings:
Attorney General Jeff Sessions is trying to find his way back into President Trump’s good graces.
For months, Sessions has asked senior White House aides to make sure the president knows what he is doing at the Justice Department, two White House advisers said, and has told allies he hopes policy decisions that garner news coverage will please Trump. Sessions’s team at Justice has crafted a public campaign to highlight the work it is doing to advance the president’s agenda. The department has also begun looking into matters that Trump has publicly complained are not being pursued…
But Sessions, who was one of Trump’s earliest backers and gave up a safe Senate seat to join the administration, has, by all accounts, been unable to repair his relationship with the president. Trump has dismissed praise of Sessions, according to four White House officials and advisers, as he continues to rage about the Russia investigation and Sessions’s decision to recuse himself from the probe into Moscow’s meddling in the 2016 election and whether there was any coordination with the Trump’s campaign…
White House officials have begun privately guessing who will replace Sessions — even though he has said he has no plans to leave. Trump does not like to fire people — contrary to his TV image — and by publicly humiliating him has unsuccessfully tried to make Sessions miserable and force him to quit…
Trump is even turned off by the portrayal of Sessions on “Saturday Night Live” by Kate McKinnon, advisers said. A senior White House official said that Trump’s frustrations were not a reflection of Sessions but that he found the portrayal “insulting.”
I hope Kate McKinnon realizes she is one of the most powerful women on the planet. She brought Spicer down, and* if she keeps relentlessly mocking Sessions, perhaps Trump will nut up and fire him too. Probably not, though, as the GOP Senate indicated it won’t seat a replacement.
Of course, the thing Trump blames Sessions for — recusal from the Trump-Russia investigation — is one of the few examples of Sessions behaving in an ethical manner. It’s a stretch to even call it ethical; Sessions had no choice. But his boss is too dumb to know that.
Sessions is a thoroughly despicable human being and one of the most destructive forces in the Trump administration. It’s a daily insult and disgrace that such a bigoted goober is in charge of the Justice Department, of all things. But at least the bastard is miserable on the job.
*It was Melissa McCarthy who brought Spicer down by feminizing him in the eyes of his sexist pig of a boss — thanks for the correction, Mary G! Another thought: maybe SNL should find a woman to portray Trump? He allegedly doesn’t like Alec Baldwin’s portrayal, but Alec Baldwin is classically handsome. I think it would sting more if a woman took over. Food for thought, SNL!
Mnemosyne
Got called in for jury duty today but I’m pretty sure I’ll get dismissed from the pool I’m currently in based on the questionnaire they had us fill out. Worst part is that it’s really frickin’ cold in here and I didn’t bring an extra jacket. ?
Kelly
Oliver Willis is uncovering the vast conspiracy.
https://twitter.com/owillis/status/950836669703483399
Mary G
I thought Melissa McCarthy brought Spicer down? Kate McKinnon is powerful, but credit where due.
Fair Economist
I don’t want Sessions gone. His replacement (the GOP will seat a replacement regardless of what they’ve said) would be just as evil, but would also have authority over the Mueller investigation and be on better terms with Trump.
Betty Cracker
@Mary G: You’re right — d’oh!
SiubhanDuinne
Wasn’t that Melissa McCarthy?
Edit: n/m, just saw Mary G’s comment and Bett’s acknowledgement of same.
JaneSays
Give proper credit where credit is due – it was Melissa McCarthy’s impersonation of Sean Spicer that Trump lost his shit over. McKinnon’s still fantastic, though.
ThresherK
I thought his name was Bilbo Biggot.
@Mnemosyne: “Please send me home so I can be warm” might be the thing that gets you picked. If you want to.
Davebo
I hadn’t seen that. Are you saying they’ve indicated they wouldn’t confirm a replacement?
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
@Mary G: Yes it was Melissa McCarthy who did Spicey.
trollhattan
@Kelly:
Aw dayumn, that’s quite the tale he spins. [Or is it reeeeal???]
Lost track of him, always liked his writing.
efgoldman
Any human with a smidge of self respect would have resigned months ago. But this is Evil Leprekkkaun. He’s like the bosses’ son in law who can’t find the men’s room without GPS, but keeps the job because he REALLY BELIEVES he’s earned it and is doing Dadddy’s holy work.
Brachiator
Poor Little Jeffy’s perpetual theme song must be How You Like Me Now
msdc
Trump can’t stand being humiliated by women. If SNL had cast Rosie O’Donnell as Bannon instead of going with that lame grim reaper thing, he would’ve been out like six months sooner.
p.a.
Sessions may be pouting, but he ain’t leaving because tRump isn’t interfering in his agenda: subverting the 14th and 15th Amendments.
Lapassionara
@Kelly: This is great! Would that it were so.
Kelly
@trollhattan: and he’s still going!
Betty Cracker
@Davebo: They did! Here’s a link to a CBS story on it.
Roger Moore
@p.a.:
He’s working on the 13th, also, too.
Humdog
@msdc: Rosie should do Trump for SNL. She can get under his thin orange skin and take blowback with counterpunches.
Something makes me think she’d have his mouth and his petulance down perfectly.
catclub
I think this is another norm that could be easily broken. If trump has Sessions resignation letter in his hand and says “we need to new head of DOJ”
the senate will give him one. Instead are they going to block his new nominee? I don’t see it.
Jay S
@Mnemosyne: Let me guess:
Have you seen, heard or read anything about this case: Y
Have you formed and opinion of guilt or innocence of the defendant? Y
alternately
employed by or acquainted with one of the parties to the suit?
Wyatt Derp
At this point the entire Trump campaign and presidency is ripped off from the plot of The Producers. They had a nice little racket until they screwed up and succeeded. Right now we are at the part of the movie where they are trying to avoid the police.
Redshift
@p.a.: Yeah, Trump is a racist pig, but he really doesn’t care about policy at all, even racist policy. It seems pretty weird to think that “look at all the press in getting for things I really want to do that you’ve probably never given a second thought” would impress the narcissist-in-chief.
Who knows, though, maybe Sessions is dumb enough that back when they were best buds and Trump was saying “yeah, sounds great” to all his bigoted plans, he thought he actually cared.
danielx
@Kelly:
I should be working, but god that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Should be turned into a comic.
catclub
@efgoldman:
I know I have read reporting that Sessions HAS tendered his resignation and Trump has not accepted it. His self-respect can say: “Trump wants me in this job.”
Mnemosyne
@Jay S:
None of the above. I’ll come back later to say what it was.
Davebo
@Kelly: Greatest twitter thread of the new year!
Aleta
A woman to play Pence plotting.
Roger Moore
@catclub:
Remember, though: at this point it only takes 2 Republican defectors to block any of Trump’s appointments. That makes the threat very real.
catclub
@Fair Economist: Yep. Giuliani gets another shot. Do Not Want.
gene108
Leslie Jones as Trump, if you really wanted to piss him off.
Davebo
@Betty Cracker:
I’m just not buying it. I get the idea, but if we’ve learned anything it’s that when push comes to shove Senate Goopers will do whatever it takes to keep their rubber stamp there in the Oval.
Matt McIrvin
@Wyatt Derp: I don’t wanna know what ZE QUICK FUSE is.
Betty Cracker
@Davebo: Maybe — I don’t trust those weasels to keep their word on anything either, and they have caved to Trump repeatedly. But the Senate is notoriously clubby, and Sessions was their colleague. I think they’d be far more likely to go to the mat for one of their own than to protect the US Constitution or faithfully serve the American people.
geg6
Rosie O’Donnell pitched playing him on SNL.
That would be epic.
Brachiator
@Humdog:
They tangled before, years ago, when she was one of the hosts of “The View.” Trump showed himself to be just as much a foul-mouthed, skin thinned bully back then as he is now.
geg6
@Humdog:
I posted #35 before reading the thread. I have read in several places that she has pitched playing him to Lorne Michaels. I would kill to see that. He might stroke out.
Fair Economist
@Betty Cracker: I don’t think the R Senators want Sessions humiliated, and they’re trying to stop Trump from canning him. But once he’s gone they’ll cave. Caving to the crazy rightwingers is their job (see Collins, S.).
Jay S
@Mnemosyne: No worries. I know you aren’t allowed to say much if anything. The last time I was called they even requested us not to mention we were called, lest someone find out who were potential jurors. It wasn’t an order, but a request. They were firm about not mentioning any case we were aware of however.
ETA this was mostly about social media as I recall.
John Revolta
I’ve read that O’Donnell is a Trump supporter though?
clay
But I thought he was being a strong leader who was bringing people together!
Roger Moore
@Betty Cracker:
The other important point is it doesn’t really matter whether the Republicans in the Senate would follow through; it matters if Trump believes their threats. As long as he believes he can’t get a replacement confirmed, he’s going to be afraid to let Sessions leave.
Yarrow
@catclub: Gliuliani gets nothing except prison time. There’s a reason he, who used to seek out the TV cameras, has been so quiet lately.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
Have Leslie Jones put on a blonde wig and let her do Trump.
schrodingers_cat
@clay: He doesn’t want a DACA deal. There will be no deal if the WH has the last word.
geg6
@John Revolta:
Huh? Snark, I hope.
Matt McIrvin
@gene108: Jones already dressed as Trump for a filmed bit, but it was just a meta-joke about Leslie Jones trying to get Lorne Michaels to let her play Trump.
Yarrow
@John Revolta: No. Roseanne is the Trump supporter. Rosie O’Donnell hates Trump.
catclub
@clay: Sounds like Stephen Miller was able to give his opinions on immigration to Trump, last.
schrodingers_cat
@John Revolta: I thought that was Roseanne not Rosie O Donnell.
Caring and sensitive
Betty. With respect to “Sessions is a thoroughly despicable human being”, JBSIII would have to climb for miles to get up to thoroughly despicable
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
@gene108:
Damn, you beat me to it.
Mnemosyne
@John Revolta:
I think you’re mixing her up with Roseanne Barr (or whatever her current last name is).
catclub
@Yarrow: I am pretty sure that is Roseanne the character, not Roseanne Barr the comedian.
Rasputin's Evil Twin
@Wyatt Derp: But without the “Spring for Hitler” production number. Sorry, but Bannon at Reichbart telling his feeble-minded followers “Don’t be silly, be a smarty/ Come and join the Nazi Party!” doesn’t do it for me. I feel a bit cheated.
Yarrow
@catclub: Roseanne Barr’s Twitter feed is full on MAGA. Go have a look. She’s a Trump supporter.
schrodingers_cat
@catclub: He doesn’t need Miller to teach him bigotry and xenophobia.
cmorenc
It’s a coin flip between Sessions and Scott Pruitt who is the most destructive – Pruitt because he’s so far been able to wreak destruction upon the EPA and environmental protection mostly out of sight.and insulated, alas from effective counter-pressure.
catclub
@Yarrow: wow. surprised me.
Jeffro
This should be interesting: Trumpov attacks immigrants from “shithole” countries. LOL. Classy!
Yarrow
@catclub: Me too. I would not have guessed it but ran across it several months ago. Verified account. It’s definitely her. I think it’s why she has decided to make her Roseanne character a Trump supporter. I think it’s going to tank the show reboot.
?BillinGlendaleCA
According to Wolff in Fire and Fury, Trump wanted Giuliani or Christie as AG but was told that the Senate wouldn’t confirm either of them.
clay
@catclub: That, or maybe Fox and Friends did a segment on how unfair the Democrats were at that meeting, tricking him into changing positions!
Jeffro
@Jeffro: (apologies if this was already linked to)
Wow…”shithole”. That’s pure Trumpov but also pure Stephen Miller. Could that guy please slither back under a rock?
John Revolta
-Washington Post
Yarrow
@Jeffro: From the article:
Of course he’s not a racist.
Yarrow
@John Revolta: Like I said, I think it’ll tank. I know I’ll avoid watching it.
Redshift
@Kelly: Oliver Willis is a national treasure.
Jeffro
@Yarrow: I’m sure he just appreciate their Norwegian language, is all. It’s just. so. interesting! Right Trumpov?
Brachiator
@cmorenc:
They’re all bad. Tillerson is dismantling effective foreign policy. DeVos is a disaster at Education. And who knows what madness Ben Carson is unleashing at HUD.
Also, did anything happen with this?
Cheryl Rofer
@Jeffro: I think Trump probably managed to come up with that one all by himself.
glory b
@Yarrow: I’ve wondered about that too.
Why hasn’t anybody in the media talked about the times he was on television talking about the info he was getting from his sources in the FBI about the Clinton stuff? It seems to me that this deserves some press time, considering all of the talk about agents and attorneys who are biased.
clay
@Yarrow: That’s the exact paragraph I was going to post.
How on earth does he think immigration works? He seems to think governments trade folks like sports teams do:
“Uh, yeah, we’ll take 100 Norwegians, and you can have 300 of these Mexican rapists.”
Jeffro
@Redshift:
DOH! Double-entendre-blech!!
Fair Economist
@Yarrow: Wasn’t Barr at least pretending to be a hard leftie not too long ago? Tells you something about what the “uncompromising” “hard lefties” are really all about.
trollhattan
@John Revolta:
Yeah, Barr, not O’Donnell. Barr has been out boff-siding herself thumping the tub for her show’s reboot and I’m only shocked that Goodman has anything to do with it, not her, who I never warmed to.
Yarrow
@Fair Economist: I don’t know. Last I heard of Roseanne she was living in Hawaii on a macadamia farm she owned and trying to pitch a reality show about it.
WaterGirl
@John Revolta: I think its that they decided the Rosie character the reboot would be a trump supporter.
bystander
If you can, it’s worth checking out the front page of WaPo right now. It may be the only time you will see a POTUS quoted as saying “sh*thole” in a headline.
hueyplong
I think you are all missing the obvious play that would stroke Trump out.
Have Hillary Clinton play Trump in a SNL sketch and do so in the most emasculating way imaginable, playing money-laundering, Fredo-like puppet to some well known leftist portraying Vladimir Putin.
Or have Will Farrell host a Jeopardy parody in which Trump gets wiped by contestants Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.
Or have Trump the bottom paying to be worked over by top Dianne Feinstein.
Any of these would work.
catclub
@glory b:
Bias only works one way: Mueller is a Republican and still not trusted to to investigate Trump without liberal bias.
Ken Starr – GOP operative – was fine to investigate Bill Clinton, no bias there at all.
I think even the Fitzpatrick of Fitzmas fame was probably a Republican – maybe a moderate. An actual liberal Democrat investigating a republican is beyond the pale. Just not allowed – they would be biased.
Yarrow
@WaterGirl: No, Roseanne Barr herself is a Trump supporter. Go look at her Twitter feed. I think you have it backwards. Because she’s a Trump supporter she decided to make her character one too.
catclub
@trollhattan: I will agree that the real treasure on Roseanne was John Goodman.
bemused
@catclub:
I think it’s hilarious that trumpie is insulted by SNL McKinnon portrayal of Sessions and speaking of Giuliani, remember the ad for perfume or something that Trump and Giuliani in drag did? Trump didn’t seem to think rubbing his face in Giulani’s bosom was too insulting. It’s ratings!
Brachiator
@bystander:
This is Trump. There’s more where this came from.
danielx
@Yarrow:
I am certain they would be just as draconic about border security if we were being invaded by blonde blue-eyed Scandinavians. Only a cynical person could think otherwise.
Bobby Thomson
@trollhattan: Tom Arnold, though, just gets better every day.
John Revolta
@trollhattan: @Mnemosyne: I mix ’em up.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@danielx: It depends, are they Republican blonde blue-eyed Scandinavians? They’d be A-OK!
hueyplong
I, for one, welcome our new blue-eyed Scandinavian overlords.
WaterGirl
@hueyplong: I vote for all 3!
sdhays
My problem with Baldwin’s portrayal of the Preznit is that he makes Donny John seem smarter than he actually is. That’s because tRump’s stupidity is almost unparodyable (is that a word?).
WaterGirl
@Yarrow: Good luck with that. I wonder how big her audience will be. It won’t include me, that’s for sure.
clay
@sdhays: Baldwin’s a good actor, but nobody’s that good!
kindness
Sessions vs ethical…. Sessions only recused himself from the Russia probe after it was exposed that he had lied under oath to the Senate when he was facing conformation. The Senate then brought him back in to explain this and then he recused himself because he had to. It was either that or he was going to be bounced by the Senate.
Sessions didn’t recuse himself because of ethics. He only recused himself to save his sorry ass from being brought up on lying under oath.
trollhattan
@catclub:
Counterbalancing Roseanne was a tough assignment that he did really well. Best thing was it got him into the public eye and (I presume) onto the Cohen brothers’ radar. The rest is history.
trollhattan
@WaterGirl:
I don’t see it. “Roseanne” was edgy at the time but television has sprinted onward since, while she’s the same Roseanne. Pass.
Shout out to Laurie Metcalf, who I never ID’d while watching “Lady Bird.” Terrific work in a not especially warm role.
Davebo
@Redshift: True Dat!
Brachiator
@trollhattan:
I have yet to see “Lady Bird,” even though I keep hearing good things about it. Last year, I saw a good chunk of the most acclaimed films of the year. This year, I’ve been too busy or too distracted.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
What’s with these guys and their complete lack of guts? I were Sessions I would be loudly saying “I gave up my Senate seat for this crap? I suppose I could go back, oh, that’s right Bannon got a Democrat elected to replace me”
WaterGirl
@trollhattan: Even Will and Grace seems lame to me now. Forty year-old people simply do not leap into one another’s arms, not matter how excited they are. And I say that as someone who LOVES Eric McCormack.
p.a.
It went on to say we should get more immigrants from Norway. Of course from a Norge perspective maybe we’re the shithole country…
The Ancient Randonneur
Leslie Jones would do a great Trump. And he would be apoplectic!
Roger Moore
@cmorenc:
What does Zinke need to do to get some recognition around here?
clay
@trollhattan: Metcalf was phenomenal in the HBO show Getting On. Great show all around, with a superb cast.
eclare
@WaterGirl: It won’t include me, either, and I loved her original show (except for the last couple of seasons). Along with John Goodman, the show had Laurie Metcalf, Johnny Galecki, Sara Gilbert…
Mnemosyne
@John Revolta:
Conservatives who think there’s a large underserved audience of conservatives out there who are just waiting for the right conservative show to come along usually end up broke. I predict that’s going to happen this time, too.
trollhattan
@Roger Moore:
Don’t you DARE ask that question within earshot of Zinke.
Miss Bianca
@Kelly: OMG, this is great. Can’t wait to see where this is going! May it be so!
WaterGirl
@Mnemosyne: From your lips to dog’s ears.
Amir Khalid
@catclub:
I seem to recall from contemporary coverage that Fitzgerald was scrupulous about not being affiliated to any party.
Mnemosyne
@Jay S:
Dead thread, but here’s the Q&A now that I’ve been dismissed:
Have you ever been in a car accident? (Yes)
Have you ever had a back or neck injury due to a car accident? (Yes)
Have you ever seen an orthopedist or chiropractor? (Yes)
Plus I’m still on crutches with my injured knee, so I’m a personal injury defense lawyer’s nightmare. Dismissed!