Floriduh Man! Week 1

The first week of 2018 has been wild and wooly. Also, cold. So how has Floriduh Man! done this week?

Well Floriduh Man! drank too much, but who wouldn’t these days.

Friends of Floriduh Man! shouldn’t let Floriduh Man! fly drunk.

Dante Bencivenga apparently had a few too many while waiting for his Spirit Airlines flight.

The 58-year-old man nodded off in a chair by his gate around 9 p.m. Thursday night at Southwest Florida International Airport in Fort Myers. Things went downhill for him once he woke up.

According to a police report provided by the Lee County Port Authority Police, a gate agent walked by the dozing Bencivenga and smelled alcohol.

The Fort Myers resident made it onto the aircraft, headed to Michigan. Once on board, officers say, the gate agent received a call from the flight attendant that the passenger had urinated all over the plane’s toilet, as well as on the floor.

After missing his mark, Bencivenga was asked to disembark from the plane, which was still at the gate. He reportedly became “belligerent,” cursing as he left.

Airport police were summoned. Spirit Airlines supervisor Stephen Gary Harris met the officers and apprised them of the situation. That’s when Bencivenga tried to break up the conversation and told Harris to “stop telling lies,” according to the police report. An officer, who attempted to get the story from the man himself, smelled “a strong odor of an alcohol beverage coming from him.”

After threatening to file a complaint against Spirit, Bencivenga denied he was inebriated and offered to take take a breathalyzer. The officer denied his request and informed the traveler he was to re-booked on a flight for the next day. That’s when he became more “agitated,” began “raising his voice” and yelling at agents, the police report said.

Since there were no more flights for the day, he was asked to leave the concourse or he would be arrested. After more ranting, police said he said, “Put the bracelets on me.” The officer complied, and Bencivenga was charged with trespassing and disorderly intoxication in a public place. He was transported to Lee County Jail and booked without incident.

Bencivenga did not make his rebooked flight. He was told not to return to airport property for one year.

However, some Floriduh Men!, after having one a couple of dozen too many, still have a sense of civic responsibility.

The Polk County Sheriff’s Office is commending a Winter Haven man for alerting authorities about a drunk driver on New Year’s Eve — but the caller ended up being the one arrested on DUI charges.

Michael Lester, 39, called 911 shortly before 9 p.m. to report that he was driving drunk “all over Winter Haven,” according to a call released by authorities Friday.

“I dunno. I’m drunk. I don’t know where I’m at,” he said when a dispatcher asked for his location.

Lester eventually told the dispatcher he was driving the wrong way near a Publix in Winter Haven. He had been driving around all night “trying to get pulled over,” he said.

“I think I’m going to go get something to eat and they can catch up with me,” he told the dispatcher shortly before hanging up.

Deputies found Lester on Sixth Street, near Avenue M. His red Ford F-150 was traveling south, with half of the vehicle in a left turn lane and the other half in the northbound lane, deputies said.

After pulling the truck over, “I ordered the driver to step out of the vehicle and he just sat there and stared at me as if he was confused,” a deputy wrote in an arrest report.

Lester was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence after failing a series of field-sobriety tests. He initially told deputies he drank two beers but later said it may have been three or four. Lester said he had only slept four hours during the past four days, and told deputies he had swallowed meth early that morning, according to an arrest report.

Finally, Floriduh Man! took his act on the road. To West by G-d Virginie!

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (WDTV) — A Florida man has been arrested in Morgantown on deer poaching charges.

The Morgantown Police Department says officers were dispatched to investigate suspicious activity in the woods behind a residence on Augusta Avenue.

When they arrived, officials say the officers found a white-tailed deer carcass that had been field-dressed not long before.

The officers then followed footprints to a residence on Augusta Avenue where they discovered 18-year-old Jason Herbert Berk of Boynton Beach, Florida. Officials say that further investigation revealed that Berk shot the deer from the residence’s front porch with a compound bow.

Berk is charged with Hunting Out of Season, Using an Artificial Light While Hunting and Unlawful Possession of Wildlife.

Stay warm!

Open thread!

61 replies
  1. 1

    It’s amazing Donald Trump is still mobile, what with Dean being that far up Blithering Butthole’s butthole.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    Mnemosyne says:

    I’ve been to the Ft. Myers airport. It’s fine. I was surprised to hear that they have a daily nonstop from Germany (I think Munich).

  4. 4
    smike says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): “…Blithering Butthole’s butthole.”
    At first, I saw that as ‘Buttonhole’. I think it fits in there somewhere…

  5. 5
    NotMax says:

    You do realize you’re on the Florida Tourism Board’s hit list? //

  6. 6

    @smike: “blithering buttsex”
    you know what to do rule 34

  7. 7

    The LAPD decided, in their infinite wisdom, to set up a DUI/Driver’s License checkpoint on Los Feliz(the road that goes from Hollywood to Glendale) and Riverside Drive on a Friday Night during rush hour. Why yes, I got caught in the traffic jam on the way back from my sunset hike.

  8. 8
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    and a bit to the west…

    Joe Perticone @ JoePerticone
    Roy Moore accuser’s Gadsden home burns; arson investigation underway
    Roy Moore accuser Tina Johnson lost her home Wednesday in a fire that is now under investigation by the Etowah County Arson Task Force.
    Tina Johnson, who first came to public notice for accusing Senate candidate Roy Moore of grabbing her in his office in the early 1990s, said her home on Lake Mary Louise Road in Gadsden caught fire Tuesday morning.

  9. 9
    Yarrow says:

    OMG, you HAVE to click through and see these Corey Lewandowski publicity photos. I can’t believe these are the good ones. Bwahahahahaha!

    These Corey Lewandowski book-signing publicity photos are the funniest thing I've seen all year pic.twitter.com/Mppq40qjB2— David A. Graham (@GrahamDavidA) January 5, 2018

    Florida related, if you read through the thread, someone found that that Google’s reverse image search’s best guess for one of the images was “Florida.” LOL.

  10. 10

    Can anything good come of oat vodka?

  11. 11
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @NotMax: Stand your ground state. Let them come…

  12. 12
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: I’ll cover that tomorrow as part of “In this week in domestic terrorism and stochastic violence”.

  13. 13
    NotMax says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Before jumping to conclusions, reading a report from Alabama does bolster the supposition that it may have been suspicious but coincidental.

    … “The ongoing investigation does not lead us to believe that the fire is in any way related to Roy Moore or allegations made against him. More details will be released when warrants are obtained.”

    According to Johnson and neighbor Kevin Tallant, other neighbors witnessed a young man who had a history of public intoxication walking around the house before and during the blaze.

    “He’s been trouble in the neighborhood for a while,” said Tallant, who lives across the street from Johnson and her family. He got a call from another neighbor that morning who said smoke was coming from the home and that somebody might be inside.
    [snip]
    Johnson said she has not yet heard from law enforcement how or why the fire started, except that it started at the back of the house.

    She said a woman neighbor told her that the young man in question approached her as she was getting in her car that morning and asked if she thought Johnson’s house was going to burn. The neighbor didn’t know what he was talking about, she said, because flames weren’t visible at the time. Source

  14. 14
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Yarrow: That is one seriously weird dude.

  15. 15
    Yarrow says:

    @Adam L Silverman: The photos are hilariously weird and awful. I can’t imagine anyone thinking they’re good publicity photos.

  16. 16
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Yarrow: He’s just weird.

  17. 17
    Yarrow says:

    @Adam L Silverman: I guess he has a book coming out?

  18. 18
    Steeplejack says:

    @Yarrow:

    The man who taught the ways of love to Hope Hicks.

    I think she definitely will need professional counseling after the whole thing comes crashing down.

  19. 19
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Steeplejack: a beautiful young woman from a wealthy family from one of those tony Connecticut suburbs chooses the trumps as a surrogate family and Corey Lewandowski as a lover.

    I don’t know what happened, but she never had a chance

  20. 20
    Steeplejack says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Don’t forget to include the oat vodka.

  21. 21
    Yarrow says:

    @Steeplejack: Maybe she’ll get that counseling in jail.

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: You have to wonder what went wrong there.

  22. 22
    Steeplejack says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I’m picturing it as something like a lesser Jim Thompson novel.

  23. 23
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Yarrow: Already out. He wrote it with David Bossie from Citizen’s United. It is entitlted Let Trump Be Trump.

  24. 24
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: Also an STD test and broad spectrum antibiotics.

  25. 25
    BC in Illinois says:

    Regarding the man who called himself in as DUI . . . I heard from a Maryland State Policeman that it was not uncommon that they would pull someone over who was weaving all over the road, ask the driver to step out, and the man would “pour himself”out of the front seat, lean against the car, and the first words out of his mouth would be:

    “Man, am I drunk!”

    As the state trooper said, “Wrong thing to say.” It saves all sorts of questioning.

  26. 26
    Mike in NC says:

    We have friends who live in a suburb of Tampa called “Land O Lakes”, just like the freaking brand of butter. Seriously.

  27. 27
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: I’m trying to cut back. But thanks!

  28. 28
    tobie says:

    OT…does anyone know the restrictions the Supreme Court came up with for recess appointments during the Obama administration? All the calls from Republicans for Sessions to step down, including now from Rep Jim Jordan and Chris Stewart makes me think that the Republicans want to replace Sessions through a recess appointment. Then they can either fire Mueller or keep tabs on him through the new AG. Given the GOP’s majority, McConnell is in a position to call a recess. (He refused to do just that when he was Senate majority leader in Obama’s last two years.)

  29. 29
    eemom says:

    @Mike in NC:

    #lawsuit #lawsuit #lawsuit

  30. 30
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Mike in NC: I grew up about 10 miles south of there in Carrollwood. Or at least for 1/2 my time growing up in Tampa. Interestingly, when I lived in Carlisle, PA I lived just on the south edge of town. A lot of farms. And a lot of those were part of the Land O Lakes dairy consortium.

  31. 31
    Yarrow says:

    @Adam L Silverman: They’re probably bummed that the new book is getting all the attention.

  32. 32
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @tobie: Basically what the Supremes ruled was that recess appointments can only happen between Congresses. Regardless, it doesn’t matter because Senators McConnell and Schumer came to an agreement on gaveling a pro forma session every couple of days during the most recent recess to prevent a recess appointment for anything.

    As for Sessions. He’s made it clear he won’t resign. He’s where he wants to be and finally gets to enact the policies he’s long wanted to enact.
    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/07/20/sessions-not-resigning-but-gets-trumps-message-240774
    http://thehill.com/homenews/ad.....ism-report
    http://time.com/4866280/jeff-s.....gn-recuse/

    And Senator Grassley made it clear that he will not make space on the Judiciary Committee calendar for hearings for a replacement should he be fired or otherwise forced out by the President. AG Sessions was a senator and that goes a long way in the Senate. Unless one’s name is Clinton or Obama.

  33. 33
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @eemom: Actually they’re spelled differently.

  34. 34
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Yarrow: There’s got quite a bit for about a week or so. The President even tweeted that everyone should by it. Even though it really didn’t present the campaign, or him, in a positive light. It wasn’t intended as a hatchet job, except, perhaps, against Manafort. But even a friendly approach can’t cover up the defects.

  35. 35
    Adam L Silverman says:

    I’ve got doggie bellies to rub. And Michael Wolff’s book to read. You all have a great night and I’ll catch you all on the flip.

  36. 36
    tobie says:

    @Adam L Silverman: Thanks for the info on the recess rule. Chuck Grassley’s statement in Sept or Oct doesn’t necessarily apply any longer. He was always something of a Trump defender and has now become an adamant one. Speculation is running high that either Pruitt or Pompeo will be appointed interim AG if Sessions is fired, possibly through the Vacancy Act. No doubt this weekend’s summit in Camp David will be all about containing the Russia probe. Pompeo by the way will be there.

  37. 37
  38. 38
    SectionH says:

    @Mnemosyne: Probably Edelweiss, the low cost carrier owned by Lufthansa. LH has been trying many markets in the US recently.

  39. 39
    SectionH says:

    @tobie: Y’know, what’s really frightening is that -zero inside info is needed to figure that out.

  40. 40
    Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes says:

    I’m sitting in one of JAL’s business lounges at Narita (Tokyo), gonna board my Hanoi flight in an hour. I’ve already played with the high tech, spray and blow dry your ass toilet and been delighted with the automatic beer pouring machine that – no shit – pours literally the perfect Sapporo. Now I’m debating grabbing one of the decent bottles of whiskey off the bar and pouring a few, knowing that my only whiskey the next three weeks will probably be cobra whiskey from some moldy jar on a shelf, new whiskey poured onto the cobra head every couple of days…

  41. 41
    raven says:

    What up?

  42. 42
    Elizabelle says:

    @raven: Hey there. How you feeling? Did you post any reports on your Rose Bowl trip? Very glad you went.

    Good morning from Seville, Spain. They held a 6 mile long parade last night, feast of the 3 kings.

    WRT Florida Man not on Spirit Airlines: do not catch his booking photo (bottom of Miami Herald link from Adam) with coffee in your mouth. Or before coffee. Dude looks like a cross between Gregg Almann/Tom Petty/Nick Nolte on a bender. Still very drunk at his booking.

    Getting banned from the airport property for a year: had me laughing out loud.

  43. 43
    Elizabelle says:

    @Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: What takes you to Hanoi? Diving trip to Vietnam??

  44. 44
    SectionH says:

    @raven: Hope you’re fighting off whatever made you feeling not well.

  45. 45
    Raven says:

    @Elizabelle: Hey, yea I posted a few times. It was awesome from the parade to the game and lot’s of checking out LA. We’re both reallly sick and I’m still trying to figure out whether to go. It’s hard to imagine anything better than the Rose Bowl game. We were behind badly, 17 points in the 1st half, we came back and then lost the lead again. We then tied it and won in double overtime and it all happened right in front of us. Our parade tickets were really good but incredibly cramped. I sent in to pics to Alain so the should be up soon.

  46. 46
    Raven says:

    @SectionH: We both slept on and off during the day so I’ve been up since 3. I feel a bit better but the coughing is still pretty bad. The forecast for Monday is freezeing and then just plain rain. I jut don’t know what I’ll do, I sold one for enough that I can go free and pocket $500 so the worst case is to sell the other one. How many once in a lifetimes can you I have in a week!

  47. 47
    mskitty says:

    @Adam L Silverman: Okay, Sessions won’t jump, but he can be pushed. The president* may fire him – and Sessions was NOT invited this weekend to Camp David along with all the rest of the cabinet and Republican power structure. Is it an unreasonable inference that his exit is a subject of discussion – and whether they can slide Pruitt into his spot, as an appointee already confirmed by the Senate once – ? Yeah, probably not kosher to emplace Pruitt so, but what are the Dems going to do, appeal to the Supreme Court?

  48. 48
    Raven says:

    @mskitty: Adam crashed hour ago.

  49. 49
    SectionH says:

    @Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: I had so much fun with the beer dispensing machine in my airline’s lounge at NRT… no, srsly. And in fact, I found out that yep, that’s a completely necessary component to the actual beer.

    Have a great trip – make us jealous!

  50. 50

    @Raven: I saw in an earlier comment you’re an Instant Pot cultist, I got mine Thursday, I’ve not used it yet.

  51. 51
    raven says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: I’m just gettin just getting going but I like it.

  52. 52

    @raven: The kid’s sister has one, loves that it cooks rice in 5 minutes.

  53. 53

    Knowing them, spirit airlines probably charged his neighbors for drunk removal.

  54. 54
  55. 55
    opiejeanne says:

    @Major Major Major Major: Did you get my email?

  56. 56

    @opiejeanne: I did, thank you. I’m going to give the story its final pass Wednesday so I’ll look at that one word then :)

  57. 57
    Another Scott says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Beautiful. Thanks.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  58. 58
    Another Scott says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Unless one’s name is Clinton or Obama.

    Or Tower.

    But, yeah, that was a very long time ago. The point stands.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  59. 59
    Aardvark Cheeselog says:

    The dark side of frozen iguanas
    https://twitter.com/videograndpa/status/949491309135396865

  60. 60
    J R in WV says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    Can anything good come of oat vodka?

    Ethanol is grain alcohol. Better than Oatmeal beer. They make vodka out of anything that supports fermentation, don’t they? Beets, potatoes, wheat, even corn. That’s often called corn liquor, though.

  61. 61
    J R in WV says:

    @Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes:

    …new whiskey poured onto the cobra head every couple of days…

    Where the hell you going? Can I come?

    That would stop me drinking- think how much more alert I would be !!

Comments are closed.