In the waning moments of 2017 we check in one last time with Floriduh Man! to see what he’s been up to at the end of this year.
First up we have a naked polo player.
WELLINGTON, Fla. —
A polo player was arrested after he entered another man’s home, stripped naked and then climbed into bed, Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies said.
Jason Crowder, 29, was arrested Saturday in Wellington on charges of burglary and resisting arrest with violence.
The resident told deputies Crowder entered his home through an unlocked door, walked upstairs to the bedroom and then closed the door.
According to the arrest report, deputies were called and entered the bedroom, where they found Crowder naked in bed under a sheet.
Deputies said Crowder refused numerous commands to put on his clothes and get out of bed, so they attempted to forcibly remove him, but he kept flailing his arms in resistance.
Eventually, deputies said they were able to pull him out of bed, but not without a struggle.
Crowder’s speech was slurred and he appeared to be under the influence of alcohol, the report stated.
Can another Floriduh Man! outdo our naked polo player? Of course he can!!!!!
CBS An Orlando, Florida man is facing charges after he was found masturbating in a baby’s nursery closet.
Orange County police say the mother was getting her three month old baby girl ready for daycare when she opened the closet door and found the man.
The mother screamed for her fiancé and put herself in front of the doorway to stop the man from fleeing.
The fiancé said he arrived to find the man completely naked.
The suspect allegedly told him that he was homeless and then put his hands up.
The father of the child told police he began hitting the man to protect his daughter and two-year old son.
According to the police report, the suspect refused to leave the house, and the fiancé said he ran to the kitchen and got a knife.
But by the time he returned, the suspect ran to the garage and jumped a fence.
The suspect was later arrested and denied masturbating inside the home and told police he could not remember how he had gotten into the home.
Officials say that while the suspect was in the police interview room, he began touching and exposing himself by lowering his pants.
The man faces charges related to exposing himself and burglary.
Finally, or at least until tomorrow when various local Florida police departments update their arrests from tonight, we end with a Floriduh Man! with a bad attitude, poor impulse control, and a case of the munchies.
PORT ST. LUCIE (FOX 13) – A Florida man was charged with assaulting his girlfriend over who ate the last chocolate chip cookie, police say.
Port St. Lucie police responded to their home on Aster Road on December 14. Richard Anthony Hessic told police he was upset when he discovered someone ate the last chocolate chip cookie and that his girlfriend was not taking him seriously.
His girlfriend said she joked with him about reviewing surveillance cameras to determine who ate the cookie, and did not want to argue “over something so petty,” so she offered to purchase more cookies, according to his affidavit.
After, she went to take a shower, and he followed her into the bathroom. “He felt she was blowing him off so he ripped down the shower curtain,” his affidavit read, “and punched her on the left side of her face.”
Police say they didn’t notice any swelling or bruising on the victim’s face.
Hessic was arrested and charged with battery.
But what about Floriduh Woman!? We have an update on the Floriduh Woman! charged with DUI for equestrianism while drunk.
(BARTOW, Fla.) — A Florida judge says a sheriff’s office must retain custody of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while riding the animal.
In a report by The Ledger , Polk County Judge Sharon Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment for alcohol addiction.
Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida’s legal limit.
Byrne’s attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal endangerment and culpable negligence.
Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne, saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under the law.
We also have a Floriduh Woman! who is auditioning for the role in the new Grinch movie.
A 61-year-old Florida woman was arrested after deputies said she became a bit Grinch-like just days before Christmas.
The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said Deborah Margaret McClung helped herself to a mailman’s Christmas card and his $25 cash.
When they caught up with McClung, she had envelopes and Amazon packages from 20 other residences, according to a sheriff’s news release.
The Clearwater woman was arrested after around noon Friday when a 74-year-old homeowner confronted McClung in her laundry room.
Roseanne Chiaramonte told deputies that she left the card on her sliding-glass door and as she went into her laundry room, she found a strange woman standing there red-handed, according to the release.
When asked what she was doing, the sheriff’s release said that McClung replied, “The mailman does not come down here; I will bring it to him.”
McClung returned the card and cash before driving off in a Toyota Solaris.
The following day, deputies noticed the car in the same area, conducted a traffic stop and found the stolen stash inside her car. They also collected Amazon packages addressed to other people.
McClung admitted to the crimes, the release stated. She was charged with burglary to an occupied structure as well as violation of probation grand theft. Additional grand theft charges are probable.
What lifts a mall brawl above the mundane yapping-and-slapping? How about stepping away from the brawl to bring a toddler into the action?
That’s what one woman did during a Sunday donnybrook at Fort Myers’ Edison Mall captured on video by David Milburn.
The video opens with at least four women pounding and punching one woman turtling to protect herself. The attacked woman sinks to the ground, still in cover-up mode from repeated punches and kicks.
One of the women ganging up on her, a blue-shirted woman wearing what appears to be a raspberry beret, stops punching and walks off screen. She returns to the fray pushing a toddler in a plastic stroller shaped like a car.
As the attacked woman starts to rise, the stroller pusher stops to deliver a side kick to the attacked woman’s face.
The kung fu moment momentarily unbalanced and stunned the woman who was attacked, but she popped back up to go after Bruce Lee-in-a-beret. The woman who kicked her retreated, leaving the bewildered child sitting in the stroller alone.
She eventually returned to scoop the child out of the stroller and disappear into Victoria’s Secret as the brawl broke up.
According to the Fort Myers News-Press, a statement from Fort Myers police Capt. Jay Rodriguez said, “Upon arrival, the incident had already dissipated and police did not find a confrontation going on. Approximately two hours later police were called back to the mall in reference to apparent injuries that occurred previously and spoke to complainants.”
A report of simple battery was filed. The investigation remains open.
Stay frosty! Open thread! And a happy and healthy New Year to you all!