Floriduh Man! Shocking Edition

Floriduh Man! is trying to finish the year off strong. And when I say finish off, I mean finish off!

From The Daytona Beach Sentinel-Journal:

A Palm Coast man rigged the front door of his home with wiring attached to a car battery charger in an attempt to electrocute his pregnant wife, Flagler County Sheriff’s investigators said.

Michael Wilson, 32, is accused of trying to kill his wife after he attached electrical devices to the inside of the deadbolt lock and the door handle of their Palm Coast home, according to a charging affidavit. The ploy, which could have easily led to her death, was to have her insert the house key and then grab the handle, completing the circuit and sending a jolt of electricity through her arm, chest and heart.

Steven Bray, a journeyman lineman from from Florida Power & Light, was shown several photographs of what deputies described as the “booby trap” and he said that a person who touched the door lock and handle at the same time would receive a jolt of some 120 volts and 1 amp, enough power that the person had an 80 to 100 percent chance of “suffering death or great bodily harm,” according to the affidavit.

Wilson is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated battery on a pregnant person and one count of grand theft of a firearm.

“This is one of the most bizarre domestic violence cases I have seen in my career,” Sheriff Rick Staley said in a statement. “Not only did this man try to electrocute his wife, but he could have injured a deputy or any person attempting to enter this residence. Thankfully this man was found and taken into custody before he could cause the harm he intended.”

An interview with Wilson’s wife, whose name is redacted throughout the report, shed light on the scene. She said that a few months ago her husband fell but he refused to seek medical treatment.

“Up until that point, (Wilson) seemed to be a normal person,” she told the detective.

He was later hospitalized under Florida’s Baker Act — which allows for someone to be involuntarily taken into custody for mental evaluation — in late November.

More shocking details at the link!

Open thread!

77 replies
  1. 1

    The habitual ingestion of mercury by Chinese emperors for nearly two millennia has got to one of humanity’s premier achievements in not giving the slightest shit about common sense.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    Schlemazel says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
    and disappear in 1914, at least in Europe.

  4. 4
    Ruckus says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
    The problem with common sense is that it really is misnamed. For it to be that common, more people would have to have some. And it’s pretty obvious that a lot of people have none, zip, zero, as in not even a little bit.

  5. 5
    Pyre Light says:

    A true Floriduh man would have been caught because he accidentally electricuted himself. Although changing your Facebook status to “widowed” ahead of time is a nice touch.

  6. 6

    @Omnes Omnibus: @Schlemazel: Edited comment (about common sense only being invented in 1906), so now you’re responses don’t make sense.

    And Thomas Paine’s pamphlet title is more in the vein of “Star Trek predicting iPads;” you have to use Moore’s Law to account for the pronounced lag between hypothesis and realization.

  7. 7
    Jay S says:

    @Ruckus: I believe a good deal of what is perceived as common sense is just hindsight.

  8. 8

    @Ruckus: Liberally coating interior walls, paints, and even toys and fucking food dye with literal poison was a new low.

  9. 9
    scav says:

    In light of the immediately previous thread, I do rather note that Mr Sheriff clearly draws sme kind of distinction between deputies and (mere) other people who may have opened the door. And O! the jokes about battery that could be in play here for headline writers. (Just to add two entirely different left fields to an already incoherent thread.)

  10. 10
    lahke says:

    So folks on Bloomberg are predicting that all of us high-SALT state people will be moving down to red, no-tax Florida. Are they out of their minds? Sorry, Betty, but I can’t imagine being surrounded by these folks.

  11. 11
  12. 12
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @lahke: You get used to it.

  13. 13
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @lahke: Bloomberg news skews way right. NFW people in CA, NY, CT are moving to FL or even TX.

  14. 14
    Duane says:

    The Miami Dolphin’s assistant coach professing his love for his Las Vegas hooker girlfriend cannot be overlooked. Fired within 24 hours. On record.

  15. 15
    Amir Khalid says:

    It strikes me as odd that the police redacted the name of Michael Wilson’s wife in their incident report, and thought that was enough to protect her identity. She is already identified as his wife, and as the daughter of a couple identified by name and town of residence. People now know precisely who she is, and from there it’s a trivial matter to dig up her name. If the police and the newspaper wanted to keep her identity confidential, they shouldn’t have released any names at all. And if that made the story unusable, so be it.

  16. 16
    charluckles says:

    At least the husband has an excuse of being mentally ill. What about the wife and stepfather who think bringing a pistol into the house is a good solution to said mental illness issue?

  17. 17
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):
    I don’t think their imperial majesties knew that the stuff is actually bad for you.

  18. 18
    NotMax says:

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Gotta link it.

    Natalie Borg, 19, a freshman from Riverwoods, said the dreidel teaches a lot about life. “In life sometimes things get taken away from you, sometimes you win,” she said. “You can’t plan where the dreidel is going to land.”


  19. 19

    More shocking details at the link!

    C’mon man!

  20. 20
    Jay S says:

    @lahke: We need a relocation strategy to underpopulated and under taxed locations to take over local politics. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  21. 21
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Amir Khalid: Come on now. The Romans knew the risks of lead and chose to use it anyway too.

  22. 22
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @NotMax: Oy vey.

  23. 23

    @Amir Khalid: They’d caught on by ~300 CR, however. Apparently the astounding preservative effects of being more heavy metal than man are why it kept going for much longer after that.

  24. 24
  25. 25
    Mary G says:

    Zinke’s gotta go:

    The Department of the Interior says it made a mistake by trying to use wildfire preparedness funds to pay for an unrelated helicopter tour of Nevada taken by Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke this summer. Really, you think?— Citizens for Ethics (@CREWcrew) December 29, 2017

  26. 26
    NotMax says:

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Just think, her escort has eternal bragging rights that his date for the prom was a Borg.


  27. 27

    @Steve in the ATL: I remember folk say how bad CA was for bidness and saying they’d move to Nevada, a few did, most of them came back.

  28. 28
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Mary G:
    On the other hand, Zinke can point to the example of dem Scheißgibbon, who managed to bankrupt the Secret Service’s annual budget inside the first few months of his presidency.

  29. 29
  30. 30

    @Mary G: There are no problems with wildfires. /Dept. of Interior

  31. 31

    @Amir Khalid: Yes, but Obama went golfing a few times; SAME THING.

  32. 32
    scav says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I was rather wondering about green wallpaper & lead paint alongside whatever those Chinese Emperors were supposedly doing.

  33. 33
  34. 34
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: I have some old lace. How can I use it to kill? Asking for a friend…

  35. 35
    Steeplejack says:

    This is a weird thread.

  36. 36
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: It went off the rails almost immediately.

  37. 37
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: Electrifying, isn’t it?

  38. 38
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Sorta by design…it is a Floriduh! Man thread, after all.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    efgoldman says:

    He lived, so he’s not eligible for a Darwin award

  41. 41
    Ruckus says:

    @Steve in the ATL:
    When I was moving out of OH I sat down with a map and figured out the places I might move to. Four states out of 50 made the cut, took less than 5 minutes. I did have the experience of having worked in 46 of the 50 in the job I was leaving. That made it a lot easier. FL and TX weren’t among the four.

  42. 42
    NotMax says:


    A little classic yet unconventional musical accompaniment.

  43. 43
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus, @Adam L Silverman:

    I’m not making the connection.

  44. 44
  45. 45
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: He probably has a short.

  46. 46
    NotMax says:


    More’s the pity that even front pagers cannot post a fusible link.


  47. 47
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: We could up the voltage. Would that help?

  48. 48
    NotMax says:

    @Adam L. Silverman

    Ohm, my!

    /electric George Takei

  49. 49
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: I responded to the first comment, but the commenter changed his comment completely. After that the commenter rather mocked the people who commented on his original comment. Not cool.

  50. 50
  51. 51
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @NotMax: Everyone should just stop resisting.

  52. 52
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: So a crossed circuit then.

  53. 53
    IONO says:

    @Adam L Silverman: That is a positive view of the situation. Let’s go with it.

  54. 54
    scav says:

    @Adam L Silverman: And, for some, a resistence to go with the flow. Watt can one do if they don’t feel the spark?

    eta. it is sooo hard to keep up!

  55. 55
  56. 56
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I got that, but the rest of the thread really didn’t get much better.

  57. 57
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: I could turn the amp up if you’re having trouble hearing.

    I think I’m now out of electricity puns.

  58. 58

    @Steeplejack: Resistance is futile and generates heat.

  59. 59
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Adam L Silverman: That is a positive view of the situation. Let’s go with it.

    ETA: Please kill the IONO comment.

  60. 60
    Steeplejack says:

    I’m done for the year. Went out today to get my auto tags updated, had lunch at a pretty good Mexican place, got groceries, gassed up the doughty Kia and got a good parking spot in case any snowfall is more than the 1" that is predicted overnight and tomorrow (Saturday). I’m well equipped to hole up for the next few days, and I have no plans to go out.

    It’s bitterly cold (for NoVA)—24° now, briefly getting into the low 30s tomorrow and then going way down, highs in the mid-20s and lows around 12° for the next few days. I’m formulating my water-trickling strategy to avoid frozen pipes. My building is a brick pile—three floors, six units, built around 1960—that retains heat pretty well, but this will be by far the coldest stretch in my five years here.

    Most important, I am well stocked with cat food, and the housecat’s heating pad is maintaining her microfleece throw at an acceptable base temperature. That is all.

  61. 61
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    This thread is a magnet for bad puns.

  62. 62
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: It just got off on a bad note.

  63. 63
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Steeplejack: We’ll keep good thoughts. Send up a flare is you need jackal support mobilized.

  64. 64
    Gvg says:

    Sad story. I don’t see why it’s considered a Florida man story because a head injury followed by personality is just bad luck and can happen to anyone anywhere. In fact I knew a woman whose husband had that happen and she had to flee with her daughter to Florida from one of the northeastern states. Complete personality change to violent and her in laws helped her and were left trying to control the changed adult son…just really sad. Fortunately very rare.

  65. 65
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Yeah, I got that. It just never recovered, and almost nothing was about the post topic—or anything consistent. Hence weird.

  66. 66
    eclare says:

    @Gvg: Yeah, I also have a different read. My dad has fallen on his head maybe six or seven times in the past week, including twice on Christmas. He is now in the hospital, a completely different person.

  67. 67
    trollhattan says:

    Having an ohm moment here.

  68. 68
    Ydobon says:

    It’s shocking, I know, but I blame Ben Franklin for being positive when he should have been negative:

  69. 69
    Gvg says:

    @eclare: wow, what happened? Keep us informed if you have time. That sounds beyond distressing.

  70. 70
    Citizen_X says:

    At least we’re keeping up with current events here.

  71. 71
    laura says:

    @Steeplejack: Thank you for the report from Ice Station Zebra. *_*

  72. 72
    chopper says:

    according to a charging affidavit.

    I see what they did there.

  73. 73
    No Drought No More says:

    “The garage entrance is blocked, be sure to use the front door”.

    Lenny Bruce spoke of a mad bomber who brought down an airliner by handing his mother a “gift” with the bomb inside (circa 1960). Bruce said he told her as she boarded: “I love you Mom… just be sure to open your present over water”.

  74. 74
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    Here in Balmer Merlin, hon, the high for the day is spozeta be 33. After which the mercury drops & (according to predictions) will not climb above freezing again until the 8th. I feel for my friends going to the Bengals-Ravens game on NYE – temps in the low 20s with wind chill probably in single digits. I was in one of their seats for a season finale some years back & it was a couple of days before I could feel anything below either ankle. Fuck polar vortices!

  75. 75
    J R in WV says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    My grandmother had psoriasis, and back in the 1930-50s they treated it with arsenic. She developed a tolerance for the poisonous heavy metal, as everyone will, and took enough to kill a troop of boy scouts, to quote my father, source of this medical tidbit.

    She was quite the lady in town, garden club, women’s club, hosting tea.

  76. 76
    SWMBO says:

    @Steeplejack: Be careful. My uncle told of the time they tried that in Michigan and the incoming pipe trickled all night. The drain pipes froze and there was an ice water flood the next morning.

  77. 77
    BroD says:

    Am I really the first to note the phrase, “aggravated battery”?
    C’mon, peeps, step up your game!

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