On the Road and In Your Backyard

Folks, this will be the last feature for a while.


  

I’m destroyed.

154 replies
  1. 1
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Oh no, Alain. I am so terribly sorry. Sending you comforting thoughts and white light to your beautiful mother. {{{{{hugs to you}}}}}

  2. 2
    Amir Khalid says:

    I know her illness has been a struggle for you both. Please accept my condolences.

  3. 3
    OzarkHillbilly says:

    Sorry to hear this Alain. Strength to you.

  4. 4

    Sorry Alain, condolences.

  5. 5
    ThresherK says:

    The deepest condolences from our home to yours.

  6. 6
    p.a. says:

    So sorry for your loss. Sympathy to you and your family.

  7. 7
    CarolDuhart2 says:

    Condolences. I don’t have words that are good enough. May we, and friends and relatives, surround you with love and comfort.

  8. 8
    sharl says:

    My condolences Alain, to you and your loved ones.

  9. 9
    DCrefugee says:

    Alain, please know of my deepest condolences…

    It’s said that we never really become adults until our parents are gone. I for one could do without that distinction…

  10. 10
    Tinare says:

    So sorry Alain.

  11. 11
    Baud says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Take all the time you need.

  12. 12
    Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes says:

    So sorry for your loss. Please take comfort in what you can.

  13. 13

    I hold you and your family in the Light.

  14. 14
    delk says:

    Condolences, sorry for your loss.

  15. 15
    Barry says:

    My sympathy goes with you.

  16. 16
    Just one more canuck says:

    My condolences, Alain

  17. 17
    Comrade Nimrod Humperdink says:

    I’m sorry for your loss Alain. Take care of yourself and yours right now.

  18. 18
    Marmot says:

    Oh no. Hang in there.

  19. 19
    Alain the site fixer says:

    Thanks everyone. She was my idol and hero, my everything. She was supposed to come home from hospital yesterday but didn’t make it through the night. I was up late getting her hospital bed, etc. ready and Slept through the notification call. So 24hours ago, I was groggily doing final prep for her return home and the phone rang, never good. She was worn out and miserable. Cancer is shit. Must begin the first day without her. I’ll be around and will restart this feature when I can, but for now I can barely breathe.

  20. 20
    geg6 says:

    Oh Alain, I am so very sorry. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. {{{hugs}}}

  21. 21
    columbusqueen says:

    I’m so sorry, Alain. I lost my mom twelve years ago & I know how painful it is.

  22. 22
    SFAW says:

    Alain, so sorry to hear this news. My deepest condolences.

  23. 23
    Palindrome says:

    Take care of yourself dear. My deepest condolences.

  24. 24
    gbbalto says:

    Alain, my deepest sympathy and condolences. Take care of yourself.

  25. 25
    Immanentize says:

    I’m so sorry, Alain. I will always remember your mother in that fabulous picture of her with the mountain(s) in the background. Young, stylin, and happy.

  26. 26
    Immanentize says:

    And yes,

    Cancer is shit

  27. 27
    Lapassionara says:

    @Alain the site fixer: all my sympathy. Take time to heal.

  28. 28
    Sam Dobermann says:

    Hold on to the good memories especially when the nights of sorrow are long. Know that so many care about you and wish you well.

  29. 29
    zhena gogolia says:

    @Alain the site fixer:

    I’m very sorry.

  30. 30
    Mary G says:

    Fuck cancer. She was a beautiful woman and I know you’re heartbroken. That picture of her with the newborn Alain shines with love. Take care of yourself as best you can.

  31. 31
    pat says:

    So sorry for your loss. It’s never easy to lose someone, even after a long battle with a terrible disease.

  32. 32
    debbie says:

    I’m so, so sorry to see this. Take care of yourself and take whatever time you feel you need.

  33. 33
    Elizabelle says:

    Alain, I am so sorry. She is beyond pain now; you will miss her terribly, and she would have loved to spend more time with you, but she is past being sick.

    Too soon gone. We are here for you. My best to you, your wife, and your family. You’re in our hearts.

  34. 34
    JanieM says:

    So sorry, Alain. Inexpressible.

  35. 35
    Ben Cisco says:

    Alain,

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest condolences.

  36. 36
    WereBear says:

    Take all the time you need. I’m so sorry.

  37. 37
    msdc says:

    Alain, I’m so sorry. My condolences.

  38. 38
    rikyrah says:

    So sorry for your loss 😥😥😥
    We will see you when you feel up to it.

  39. 39
    TS says:

    A mother’s love is unconditional – and forever – that you both cared for each other is a precious memory. So very sorry for your loss.

  40. 40
    Betty Cracker says:

    Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. It was clear from what you shared with us here that you and your mom loved each other very much. She knew you loved her and that you were looking out for her, and trust me, there’s no greater comfort and gift for a mother than that.

    Give yourself plenty of time. I lost my mom to a bad heart valve three years ago, and at first, the pain of her loss seemed unbearable. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in a panic at the enormity of it. I measured the progress of my healing by how soon remembering the loss waylaid me with despair each morning when I woke up and at random points throughout the day.

    But eventually, I promise, it does get more bearable. You don’t ever “get over it” — how could you? But you learn to integrate the loss into your life and move forward, because there’s really no other choice. And when you do, you can remember her with joy and love instead of sadness.

    Wishing much strength and courage to you, my friend. My deepest condolences.

  41. 41
    Boudica says:

    So sorry, Alain.

  42. 42
    Anne Laurie says:

    I am so sorry, Alain. Take all the time you need, and remember that there are many, many people you’ll never meet in person who are thinking of you and of your mother.

  43. 43
    ArchTeryx says:

    From someone who lost his father to a sudden heart attack, I truly feel for you, Alan. Things will get better…and for now, just know a lot of us are pulling for you from the peanut gallery. *hugs*

  44. 44
    Joey Maloney says:

    Alain, I’m very sorry for your loss.

  45. 45
    gene108 says:

    Heart felt condolences. .

  46. 46
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    You have my deepest condolences, Alain. Both my wife and I lost our Moms to sudden deaths and the shock knocks you flat. Take care of your self and remember that she will live on in your memories.

  47. 47
    JPL says:

    @Alain the site fixer: Please don’t worry about the site, just know that we all want you to take the time to heal. I’m so sorry, and I recognize the days ahead are going to be difficult for you. Hugs.

  48. 48
    Karla says:

    My condolences.

  49. 49
    Tenar Arha says:

    I’m so sorry Alain. My deepest condolences.

  50. 50
    Silent no more says:

    My heartfelt condolences.

  51. 51
    Nora says:

    I’m so sorry. It’s really hard to lose your mother, even after a long illness, even when you know at least she’s not suffering anymore. Take care of yourself.

  52. 52
    Aleta says:

    Alain, I’m so sorry. A huge loss. I thought I was somewhat prepared, but it turned out, not for how an entire world left. After a long time the pain and disorientation slowly relocated. I Still try to assuage it by doing many small things in her memory.

  53. 53
  54. 54
    JMG says:

    My deepest condolences. My parents both died in the last four years, each well over 90, with long full happy lives, and the pain’s there every time I stop to look at it. Memories of joy are the best defense.

  55. 55
    Sloane Ranger says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family.

  56. 56
    Karen says:

    Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  57. 57
    Amir Khalid says:

    @David Anderson:
    Are you okay?

  58. 58
    Another Scott says:

    Sincere condolences to you, Alain. Remember all the wonderful times you had with her. Hang in there. We’ll be here when you are ready.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  59. 59
    low-tech cyclist says:

    My wife lost her mom in September, so we know what you’re going through. Our thoughts go out to you, Alain.

  60. 60
    Currants says:

    Alain, my deepest condolences. I will hold you and your mother in the light.

  61. 61
    munira says:

    My condolences also, Alain, coming to you from Quebec. Bon courage, notre ami.

  62. 62
    Waratah says:

    So very sorry.

  63. 63
    Cermet says:

    I am so terribly sorry for your extreme loss; as everyone here – please accept my condolences as well.

  64. 64
    sherparick says:

    Alain, I know everyone in this community has you in your thoughts and prayers. All we can offer is our consolations for the what is inconsolable. Lost my Mom seven years ago, lost my Dad 40 years ago, and not a a day goes by when I don’t miss them. Take care of yourself man.

  65. 65
    arrieve says:

    Alain, I am so sorry. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

  66. 66
    randy khan says:

    I am so very sorry.

  67. 67
    JWR says:

    Alain,

    I’m so sorry. Having very recently lost one of my favorite uncles, (aw, heck, they’re all special to me), I hope my empathy reaches you, and gives you at least a little bit of comfort. Peace out. :-(

  68. 68
    MomSense says:

    Oh, Alain I’m so sorry. Please accept my condolences and know that I am thinking of you. {{{{{{Alain}}}}}}

  69. 69
    aangus says:

    Oh, no, Alain.
    {{{{ HUGS }}}}

  70. 70
    mattH says:

    I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. Everyone who is telling you it becomes bearable. Take all the time you need.

  71. 71
    Virginia says:

    @Alain the site fixer: Alain, so sorry for your loss. Will hold you in my heart while you grieve.

  72. 72
    Ohio Mom says:

    I am so, so sorry. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you did all you could to look out for her, to make her comfortable, and to let her know how much you loved and admired her. There is nothing you could have or should have done that you didn’t. You were a wonderful son, and that had to mean everything to her.

    I remember when my mom died, thirty years ago! When I realized that just about everyone has their mother wrested from them, it seemed like an awfully dirty trick life plays on us.

  73. 73
    Debbie(aussie) says:

    Deepest condolences, Alain, to you and yours. So very sorry!

  74. 74
    JeanneT says:

    My heart aches to hear this news. So sorry for you and your family!

  75. 75
    Bostondreams says:

    So sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be.

  76. 76
    Denali says:

    So very sorry to hear this, Alain.

  77. 77
    Tazj says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. From your posts we all could tell how much you loved your mom.

  78. 78
    HeleninEire says:

    So, so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

  79. 79
    debit says:

    Alain, I am so so sorry. Words seem so meaningless at times like these, but please know I’m thinking of you, your mom, and your family.

  80. 80
    hedgehog mobile says:

    Deepest condolences, Alain. May her memory be a blessing.

  81. 81
    laura says:

    Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beautiful mother. Time will dull the sharp, rough points of loss enough to bear the living without her. The end of great suffering is as good a place for solace to take root.
    You, her beloved boy, was gift to the future. Your a good and gentle man because you were a loved and wanted child.
    Blessings of peace and grace.

  82. 82
    satby says:

    Deepest condolences Alain. The bond between a mother and her child is deep and abiding, and the greatest gift a mother can have is a loving and devoted child. You gave each other that devotion, she felt your love. She’s out of pain now, and yours will get less sharp as time passes. It never goes away, but it becomes bearable. So sorry.

  83. 83
    J R in WV says:

    Alain,

    So sorry. It’s so hard to type well when you can’t see your screen clearly. I lost my mom in 1997, and my dad in 2004 (on election day!) both to COPD. But they are both still with me, every day, and that’s the encouragement I can offer. Your mom raised you, and who you are is partly based upon her.

    Take care of your wife and yourself. Walk in the country and go to town to a favorite book store. Live life. Be well. Email me if you want to talk. Although there isn’t much to talk about really, the experience is kind of a black hole, an absence.

    I’m so sorry.

  84. 84
    orchid moon says:

    So sorry for the loss of your mother.

  85. 85
    Barbara says:

    @Alain the site fixer: I am so sorry. I know you were close, and it came as a shock, even if she had been ill. Many condolences to you and your whole family. You can never spend too much time with people you love.

  86. 86
    Redshift says:

    I’m very sorry to hear that, Alain. Fuck cancer.

  87. 87
    manyakitty says:

    @Alain the site fixer: I’m sorry to hear this. We’ll be here for you when you’re ready. Is there somewhere we can send a donation in her memory?

    Peace and love to you all.

  88. 88
    cleek says:

    sorry to hear it, Alain

  89. 89

    I am so sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace.

  90. 90
    Old School says:

    Deepest condolences.

  91. 91
    Eric NNY says:

    I’m so sorry Alain.

  92. 92
    lurker dean says:

    condolences, alain. :o(

  93. 93
    The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion says:

    Oh, honey. I’m so sorry for your loss. Holding you and yours in our thoughts and prayers.

  94. 94
    LaNonna says:

    Our deepest condolences, so sorry for your pain.

  95. 95
    Jerzy Russian says:

    My sympathies. Best wishes to you and the rest of the family.

  96. 96
    MoxieM says:

    So very sorry–you’ve been so dedicated to her needs. take care of yourself now.

  97. 97
    dexwood says:

    Oh, man… I’m so sorry. Peace and strength.

  98. 98
    nelson says:

    Take time, and after grieving a bit, share some stories of the good times you had with her.

  99. 99
    narya says:

    Adding my condolences as well . . .

  100. 100
    eclare says:

    Oh I’m so sorry.

  101. 101
    scav says:

    Respect and condolences.

  102. 102
    bystander says:

    So sorry to learn of your loss, Alain. One day at a time now.

  103. 103
    a thousand flouncing lurkers (was fidelio) says:

    I’m sorry.

  104. 104
    Drunkenhausfrau says:

    From Christopher Walken: “Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. And as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. You will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal back up, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. The people you lose remain a part of you. Remember them and always cherish the good moments spent with them.”

  105. 105
    Wolvesvalley says:

    So very sorry, Alain. Part of the pain is the feeling that you have been cheated out of all the days you thought you were going to have with her. I hope you will find some comfort in remembering the wonderful days you had. Holding you in the light.

  106. 106
    Gemina13 says:

    I’m so sorry, Alain. Losing one’s mother is like losing your world; the bottom drops out of everything in your life. You will find yourself wondering if this really happened – if your mother is not still where she was, if she won’t come walking through the door one day like none of this happened. You will dream of her, see her, hear her everywhere you go. You are going to get impatient and angry at the people around you, and miss her with a pain that makes the worst thing you ever felt seem like a paper cut.

    But she will be with you always.

    A friend sent me a stanza from, “The Farewell,” by Kahlil Gibran after my mother died. I’d like to share it with you:

    Farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you.
    It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
    You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky.
    But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer dawn.
    The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
    If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
    And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.

  107. 107
    CindyH says:

    So very very sorry – coming out of lurking just to express condolences – love the pictures you have shared of her.

  108. 108
    Suzanne says:

    Oh, Alain, I’m so sorry. Hugs and white light to you.

  109. 109
    Baquist says:

    Alain, deepest condolences and sympathy for your loss. Please take comfort in your memories of her.

  110. 110
    Johannes says:

    @Alain the site fixer: So very sorry for your loss. You and yours, as well as your mother, will be in my prayers. Deepest condolences.

  111. 111
    Mike in NC says:

    Condolences. Tomorrow would have been my late mother’s 90th birthday.

  112. 112
    Bg says:

    Alain, I know what paltry consolation words are. So sorry. Thank you for all the beauty you bring to us on these pages.

  113. 113
    Genine says:

    Alain, I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and all of your loved ones and may your mother rest in peace.

  114. 114
    StringOnAStick says:

    This is such a difficult thing to experience. You are a fine and caring son, and she knows that. Holding you both in the light.

  115. 115
    beth says:

    alain, my deepest condolences for your loss. my mother died almost 13 years ago from brain cancer that was responding to treatment. three days before she died, i knew she was dying but there is no way to prepare for the moment it becomes reality instead of something that belongs far in the future.

    we all grieve and move forward in our own way. i hope you are wrapped in the love and comfort of your family, your friends, your community and the memories of the deep bond you and your mother shared as you journey through this new normal of yours.

  116. 116
    trollhattan says:

    @Alain the site fixer:
    I am deeply saddened by the news about your mother. Please accept my condolences to you and your family, and hold her memory in your heart forever. Mothers are treasures.

  117. 117
    Mnemosyne says:

    I’m so sorry, Alain. Please do NOT feel guilty for not being there. I have heard so many stories from people saying that their loved one only passed when they were out of the room that I’ve come to think that sometimes the dying person decides they need to spare us that final pain. It happened with both my father-in-law and my father, and afterwards it turned out to be quite common since I had at least a dozen people share their similar stories with me.

  118. 118
    stinger says:

    Alain, I am so sorry to hear this. You are a good son, moving into her home to be her caregiver. I know that must have meant so much to her. I lost my own mother earlier this year, and my heart goes out to you. Peace to your mother’s final journey, and to you and all her family and friends.

  119. 119
    Kathleen says:

    My deepest condolences, Alain. Holding you in light. Please take good care of yourself.

  120. 120
    Casey says:

    Very sorry. Deepest condolences. What a beautiful picture of you both.

  121. 121
    Miss Bianca says:

    Oh, so sorry, Alain. My mother also died on November 2nd – All Souls Day, 1991. Best to you and deepest condolences.

  122. 122
    ruemara says:

    Oh, no. My deepest condolences, Alain. Care for yourself and family during this difficult time.

  123. 123
    dimmsdale says:

    HI Alain–

    Adding my condolences. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, and will still be going through. I remember my own version of that, when my mom died and afterward. I hope it helps that this long string of people is “with” you now (as I am too). Take care and my best wishes to you.

  124. 124
    Sandia Blanca says:

    So sad for you, Alain. I sent up a prayer for both of you. Wishing you peace.

  125. 125
    bjacques says:

    My condolences. She raised a fine son. There is no greater monument..

  126. 126
    Origuy says:

    Condolences, Alain. Take time to grieve and expect sudden bursts of sadness at odd times for a long time to come. My mom died 15 years ago. My dad and sister still live in the house I grew up in; when I dream about being there, mom is still in the dream.

  127. 127
    Stardus614 says:

    I wish there was something I could say to make the pain less, but I know there isn’t. I just wanted to say that you have my deepest sympathies.

  128. 128
    bluefoot says:

    I’m so sorry, Alain.

  129. 129
    Ann Marie says:

    Alain, I’m so sorry. My condolences to you and your family. Try to get some rest. Grief is exhausting and you are already exhausted from all the loving care you gave your mother.

  130. 130
    Damned at Random says:

    So sorry for your loss. Cancer is an awful burden. Your Mom’s pain is over now and yours will fade with time. Not that anything will help in the short term. Just tough it out and do the necessary and remember a lot of people care for you

  131. 131
    mai naem mobile says:

    I am sorry Alain. I know it’s really really hard right now. It will slowly get better. I do think people try to pass when their loved ones aren’t around to make it easier for the loved one so please don’t feel guilty . Take care of yourself and try and remember the good memories you had with your mom.

  132. 132
    Ruckus says:

    So sorry for you Alain. Losing your parents is tough. RIP mom.

  133. 133
    polyorchnid octopunch says:

    I’m very sorry for you loss, Alain. All my best to you and your family.

  134. 134
    spudgun says:

    Oh, Alain…so, so very sorry for your loss. You are such a good son and did all you could for your mother. I’m heartbroken for you.

    Please be good to yourself and know that we are here for you.

  135. 135
    Elie says:

    My deepest condolences to you on this huge loss… I know how you feel, having been there when I lost my mother and best friend in 4/14. There is no replacing what she meant in my life and the love that I had and have for her. I feel so lucky, and so should you, to have had her love like that and to be able to love ANYONE like that. It is a huge gift.

    You are in my prayers and thoughts. No love is ever lost from the universe — like light it is always there and eternal.

  136. 136
    dp says:

    I am so sorry.

  137. 137

    My deepest sympathies and sincere condolences.

    I know you said you were destroyed – you’re not. But it’s going to hurt, maybe like nothing you’ve ever known. Emotions can take you everywhere, without your realizing it.

    Be gentle with yourself; forgive yourself if you find that you’ve let emotions trip you up in a way you don’t like.

    Don’t be afraid to talk to anyone who cares, even a *tiny* bit about you. When my mom died, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I had this odd feeling like “why ruin *their* day too?” but any time I did that to a friend, I robbed myself of a chance to see that they cared, and robbed them of a chance to show they cared. I don’t feel bad about that (see the above, about forgiving yourself if emotions trip a person up), but I realized it would have been better all around if I’d been willing to talk more.

    Let yourself grieve how you need to, so long as you’re caring for yourself. And let other people care for you. People who love you are lost, and don’t know what to do and want to do *something*, and if you let them put together a casserole, or help clean house, or other errands, it gives them that something to do, and it reminds you that you have support, that you are loved, when most people most need to be reminded of that.

    Be well, take care; and let happiness return when it’s able – you’ll need what you can get.

  138. 138
    amygdala says:

    My deepest condolences, Alain. I have found your stories about your Mom so touching. Thank you for sharing her with us. She raised a loving, generous, caring son. Please be as kind to yourself in the days and weeks to come as you have always been with all of us.

  139. 139
    TEL says:

    My deepest sympathies, Alain.

  140. 140
    Beeb says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. My deepest condolences.

  141. 141

    My heart goes out to you.

  142. 142
    Sis says:

    I am so very sorry for your loss.

  143. 143
    WaterGirl says:

    Alain, I’m so very sorry. You gave your mom the best gift you ever could have. Not just your love; you were in this fight with her, which had to have been a great comfort to her every single day.

    I was daddy’s girl, and my grief over the loss of my dad was breathtakingly painful. But it was so simple – love and loss – uncomplicated by regret. You left it all on the field with your mom, Alain. No regrets.

    edit: I stopped to look at the photo agin. Your mom was beautiful.

  144. 144
    Suffragette City says:

    Condolences to you and your family. So very sorry.

  145. 145
    Lahke says:

    So sorry, Alain, all you can do is try to embody what she gave you and pass it on.

  146. 146
    Travels with Charley says:

    I just wanted to add my deepest condolences. I don’t have any particular wisdom, but I find that the community here has a collective wisdom that is both healing and inspiring. Know that hundreds (if not more) are holding you and your Mother in our thoughts, treasuring you both.

  147. 147
    nanciejane says:

    Alain, I’m sending my condolences to you and yours. You are a good son.

  148. 148
    Mary in Ohio says:

    I’m so very sorry.

  149. 149
    Juliet says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Please take all of the comfort you can from those around you. My mother passed away in October six years ago and when I walk at night I look at the stars and imagine her up there smiling away at us.

  150. 150
    SWMBO says:

    Peace and comfort to you and your family.
    Also fuck cancer.
    I stole this off Facebook today and shared it with a friend who lost her 6 year old son to brain cancer 7 years ago.
    Copied this from another hurting heart! Could not say it better…..

    There isn’t a handbook on grief, parenting, etc. Maybe so we can’t compare ourselves to anyone else. Who grieves faster, harder, etc.? How long is long enough? Should it be longer for a spouse vs. a child? Everyone is different, no rules apply…. That may be the only rule.

    All of us are winging it and always will because there is no right or wrong. No one just stops grieving, that’s like saying you stopped missing them, thinking of them and so on. Those things hurt, but I’d rather that than forget.

    Friends ask for advice on how I cope. I’m so used to it, I don’t think about it, I just live with it. I kept living. That’s the key.

    A day at a time, some days an hour at a time.

    Sometimes it creeps up as sleeplessness, illness, poor concentration. Other days it’s a tidal wave and your heart, your world, your life, just bottom out. I now know it’s temporary… until the next time. There is always a next time and that’s okay. It means I haven’t forgotten or maybe they’re thinking of me.

    I choose to see the positive. At least they were here. They were mine on some level and at some point there were wonderful and unique connections with each of them. Life is a series of journeys, arrivals and departures. Some stay longer than others, that’s all. Some say the lucky ones get to move on sooner. Personally I think we are luckier for having those people create memories for us to hold onto. I think the only thing we have in common is that sooner or later, we are all leaving. Not gone, just moving on. We will all catch up at some point.

    My grief… Has taught me to love better, step back and watch moments happen, take snapsots with my heart and to be kinder and more compassionate. It reminds me a bad day isn’t a bad life.

    Because of it, I know I am more resilient than most. I can get through anything because I’ve already been through the worst. When someone gives me a hard time, I literally remind myself that I’ve been through worse than this; bring it.

    My grief tells me that if I can still hurt, I can still live and love and that is what they would want for me. It reminds me I am alive and helps me appreciate the happier moments. “They” would want me to take advantage of every moment that they don’t get to. I honor them by living and grieving. Can’t have one without the other. And…. When someone tells me it’s been long enough, I just smile and say, ‘There is no such thing.” And…. there isn’t.

  151. 151
    Yarrow says:

    Deepest condolences, Alain. It’s such a difficult loss. Please be gentle with yourself. That photo of the two of you is beautiful and you can feel the love she has for you.

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    planetjanet says:

    So very sorry. Hold on to your memories.

  153. 153
    kattails says:

    Dear Alain, You will likely be surprised at how tired you are for longer than you would expect. Grief is exhausting.

    “When on a winter’s night you sit feasting and a single sparrow should fly swiftly into the hall, coming in at one door and instantly fly out through another; In that time in which it is indoors it is indeed not touched by the fury of the winter. But yet the smallest space of calmness being passed almost in a flash, from winter going into winter, it is lost to your eyes. Somewhat like that appears the life of man, but of what follows, or what went before, we are utterly ignorant.”
    The Venerable Bede, 673-735 AD
    I love the layers of meaning in this and it was read beautifully by Sinead Cusack in the BBC tv film Oliver’s Travels, with Alan Bates. Any transcription quirks are mine. (this snippet can be found on youtube Oliver’s travels words of the Bede)

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    LunarG says:

    Alain, I’m so sorry. What terrible timing! I wish all comfort to you and yours.

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