We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan.
— Irving Townsend
And while I’m grateful for all the thoughts, and I am still so broken about this sudden, unexpected loss, I know each and everyone of us has something going on that makes some days harder than others. And this place is where we can come for support, comfort and even some testy exchanges that keep us going. I will be always be in wonder and awe of everyone here and thankful John created such a place as Balloon-Juice.
Again, thank you for taking the time to leave me a note, it means more than you could ever know. I’ll give Bixby an extra hug from all of you, he’s having a difficult time, but he’ll bounce back. – TaMara
Johannes
So very sorry for your loss; our animal companions mean so much to us, and enrich our lives so greatly.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
They leave such big paw prints on our hearts. Bailey’s life was joyous with you and Bixby and the ducks, and you’re all in my thoughts.
Suzanne
Oh, no…..Tamara, I’m so, so sorry. Holding you and Bixby and the whole family in my heart.
Amir Khalid
I was looking through your pictures and video of Bailey at Whats4dinner. She looks so happy and so beautiful. We’ll all remember her that way. Peace and love to you and Bixby and the cats and the ducks.
dexwood
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
—Roger Caras (photographer and writer)
Wag on, Bailey, wag on.
Creature_NYC
Tearing up again. Sorry for your loss. I know the pain well.
Hungry Joe
They’re so small (well, some of them, anyway; Bailey looks like a dog that took up considerable space), but their personalities fill the house. It’s so tough when suddenly they’re gone. Okay — no more words. But lots of thoughts.
Felonius Monk
So sorry for your loss, Tamara. Take comfort in the fact that you gave Bailey a good life. RIP, Bailey.
Butch
Kitties and doggies probably wonder why they’re getting the extra attention today (they always get a lot, but even more today). Thanks for reminding me how much they mean.
Stardus614
You gave her a happy life and you loved each other. I know it will take a while, and your heart is broken, but eventually the loving memories will win out over the grief. Meanwhile, I hope you can think about how happy you made her, and those thoughts bring you comfort.
eclare
Thank you for checking in, such a sudden loss. Hugs to you, Bixby, and the ducks.
Virginia
So very sorry for your loss, TaMara. She was a beauty and gave you back the love you gave her.
Czanne
If you need a casserole, or someone to come do a load of laundry, or to do something that is too hard for someone close… you can see my email.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
So sorry for your loss. She was such a beautiful dog, and I always enjoyed the pictures and stories about her and her friends.
I lost my dog ten years ago, night before last I dreamed we were riding around in the car together. He was riding shotgun, which never happened IRL because he had a bed was in the back of my car. I would have to change my life dramatically– move halfway across the country to cut down on my travel obligations– to get another dog, and there are days I think long and hard about it.
Ajabu
I need to join in the general understanding of your terrible loss. We’ve all been there at one time or another (and likely will again.)
I always took comfort in Ann Lamott’s comment – that applies to anyone or any creature you love & lose:
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
Eric NNY
We lost our canine best friend earlier this year. We were both devastated and mourn her loss to this day. But we waited about a month and went and adopted again. We have the means and space for a needy rescue dog. He hasn’t replaced her, but he brings his own goofy ways to our home. Lots of love to you Tamara.
Culture of Truth
Very sorry for you loss as well. I’m sure Bailey was a very good dog. Hugs to Bixby.
Cathie from Canada
What an awful loss. I can only pass on to you the comforting thing my sister said once when we had lost a dog: our dogs don’t know how long they live, they only how well they live. You helped Bailey live well.
OzarkHillbilly
I don’t comment on dead threads and I did not add my 2 cents when I saw the news this morn, so I’ll add it here. So sorry you lost your friend so soon and unexpectedly.
GregB
So sorry to hear.
Take care.
eponymous
I am just so sorry you lost your big sweety, and so suddenly. It is really hard, I still think about my kitties, and it’s been decades. You are doing Dog’s work by rescuing and caring for these guys.
Miss Bianca
Aww, now I’m weepy again. Peace and love to you and the whole fur and feather federation chez TaMara.
hitchhiker
Another voice saying I’m so sorry. The abruptness makes it so much worse, I think, having been through these parting many times & in various ways. On the day after our 9yr old daughters soul cat Jasmine was dispatched in front of our house by a speeding car, we were all shocked to our bones. I remember trying to tell her that if a thing makes you this sad when it’s gone, it must have been a very good thing in the first place. Special and so worth doing. The pain is how you know you were doing it right.
Planetpundit
Accept also my consolations for your indescribable loss. Our four footed family are precious for what they mean to each of us and how they understand and comfort their two footed beloved. We can share ourselves and our lives with them knowing that, as in all great loves, the parting comes too soon and with so much left unsaid. Recall the good times and celebrate a life together, when you and Bixby are able.
sharl
This was a shock. I’m so sorry for your loss TaMara. My condolences to you and everyone else who will miss Bailey’s presence in their lives.
raven
I hate using that quote because it means someone else has lost a loved one. We know both of our pups are on the downside of the mountain and we are trying our best to just cherish every day that we have them. Today I am traveling with a woman whose husband who was in his 40’s died suddenly a couple of months ago. Last night we watched “The Center Will Not Hold” about Joan Didion and now I’m afraid I’ll have to read “The Year of Magical Thinking”. There is a lot in the film but dealing with loss is a big part of it.
geg6
Hugs to you and Bixby. I had spent Tuesday remembering and mourning my darling Otis, who died three years ago on Halloween (and no wonder I despise that stupid “holiday”). And then I saw your news yesterday and just cried my eyes out for you. Bailey was such a sweet dog and seemed so happy. Her time was short but you seem to have filled it with happiness. I’ve been giving Lovey and Koda extra scritches, thinking about Otis and you and Bailey the past couple of days. Know that I’m thinking of you.
MomSense
I’m really sorry, Tamara. It has been such an emotional few days for all of us – worrying about efG, the devastating news of Bailey and Alain’s mom, and then the relief that efG is ok. I’m sending my best hopes for healing and peace to you.
Sandia Blanca
More years shed here for you and your animal posse, TaMara. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.
J R in WV
I’m glad our condolences have helped you at least a little. It feels such a small thing to me when I type my condolences, but people do share your loss, and wish you well.
We had a big rescue dog, who was a drop off as a puppy with a sister in our hollow. Neighbors were staying in our (now long gone) old farmhouse while they built their new home up on our ridge, and asked if we could take one of the pups. We said if they would get him trained to go outside for his business we would take care of the rest.
Boomer was in a B J calendar once, all you could really see was his nose. He was 90 pounds of love for his pack, and scary sounding (and looking!) to those not part of the neighborhood group. All mutt, part pit bull, pink nose, he ran off sneak thieves at least once that I saw, and frequently “caught” the bumper of the UPS guy’s truck, not that he could then subdue the big brown truck. WV Brown Dog as we call that special non-breed of farm dogs.
Gone now, as the big guys go so soon. But he had a full, busy and productive life and went on our laps in the special room our Vet clinic has for such sad things. We all sat on the quilts on the floor, and he was calm and loved. Your dogs know they are loved in your pack of people and ducks, she was warm and secure and loved to the end.
Take care! Stay close!
StringOnAStick
I’m so sorry to hear this, my animal lover’s heart goes out to you and Bixby.
debit
Tamara, thanks for checking in. I know how much you loved Bailey, and how hard this must be. You and your guys have been, and will continue to be, in my thoughts. Hugs to you.
Barbara
I still cry when I think about my little friend who died 25 years ago. He was my companion when I didn’t have other human companions and he sat at home all day waiting for me at the end, so that he could die in my arms. You will need time to heal.
satby
It’s unfair that Bailey had such a short life, but it was a happy and well loved one as a cherished companion. Sudden deaths are so much harder for us who are left to mourn. Bailey was a good dog, we’ll all remember her that way. Peace to you, Bixby, and all.
Tom Levenson
Again. So sorry for your loss — and doubly so for the suddenness and the extra leaven of unfairness such passings bring with them.
PS: That Townsend poem is a favorite. I encountered it first in, of all places, a Kinky Friedman novel as a farewell to the cat who inhabited both his fiction and his real-life world. Gave me some calm after I lost Emma (my previous-to-Tikka cat).
The Moar You Know
Be prepared for him to have a difficult time for a while. When we lost our dearest Hannah back in 2013, the neighborhood cats (who she was friends with, hunted with and defended, and they adored her for it) kept looking for her for over a year. Which was heartbreaking, because in a sense, so were we. At least we knew what had happened. They didn’t. And we couldn’t tell them.
Give him a hug from me, he’s going to need all he can get.
Now let me tell you a wonderful story that still brings me to tears, in a good way. Like I said, we lost Hannah in 2013. And we were devastated, even though we knew it was coming. The neighbors all congregated outside for one last talk after we’d put her down (this stopped after Hannah died, which has been also awful in its own way) and the neighbor dog, who had always hated me and growled at me, came up and quietly nuzzled my hand. I got him a treat. He has been my best buddy since, never anything but pure love. The next day, I go to see my nephews play soccer. My wife and I are blown-out numb with grief. I feel something warm and furry nuzzle into my back. What the hell? It’s a Corgi, random dog just walking by. Curled up and watching my back for me. Owner comes up and gets him, apologizes, says “that’s really weird, he doesn’t like strangers”. For some months afterwards, dogs would walk away from their owners, off their porches, out of shops, just come up and sit quietly in front of us. They knew. They freakin’ knew we’d lost our packmate. I have never experienced or even heard of such a thing before, but it happened.
We were pretty determined we were not going to get another dog (my wife is a travel addict) but we also really missed having one around. A solution presented itself: we could babysit and then raise for Guide Dogs, you get a new puppy for about 13-14 months, hand him back all trained up, and go about your life until you need another dog again. You can easily guess what happened, our little guy didn’t make the cut, they made the adoption offer, we’d already been raising him for ten months, so now we own a dog. No regrets. He has some low-level chronic physical issues and not-so-low-level phobia issues, but we’re dealing with those. Every day I get with him I count as special, because he is really quite fragile and the breed (Golden) is an absolute health-issue catastrophe. So I do not know if tomorrow I will have a dog, therefore I damn well try to make the most of today.
That Townsend poem is for the ages. I don’t like poetry, but that cuts through all the bullshit to the heart of everything. Thanks for posting it. I wish you and Bixby all the very best.
Mike R
Very sorry to hear about your four footed friend. May you find comfort in the rest of your crew.
Sherparick1
Again, so sorry for Bixby’s sudden passing. He was a beautiful, happy dog. Thank you for giving him and all his four footed (two web feet) companions such a good life. Words always fail.
Clem
We’ve kept 3 dogs with a range of ages to cover for the eventual loss we know is coming. The dogs are very close, they play and hike and run together everyday. This spring we lost a nine year-old pup due to an internal bleed. It was sudden and very unexpected, we thought we had many years remaining then suddenly he was gone. The sorrow lasts a long time and even the joy and love of a new pup doesn’t replace or cover for the loss. I feel for your heartache and hope you will find some love and joy to keep your sorrow company as the days and months go by. Hugs and love for everyone, every day.
NW-Steve
Long time lurker leaving my first comment.
No better way to use it than to celebrate Bailey for all that she brought to us, the greatest of which was giving us a wonderful view into your humanity.
I love this place.
ruemara
So sorry to hear about Bixby. She had a great life with you and you loved her well.
Gravenstone
@raven: While I understand your reluctance to use the quote due to the connotations of loss, I for one am thankful that you have shared it here. I was not familiar with it prior to your doing so. Since the first time seeing it, I’ve had opportunity to share it with others who have lost their pets, most recently with a family that had to put down their beloved rescue Husky last month. Sad though those situations are, the words shared are always welcome and well received. So thank you.
Heidi Mom
Earlier this year we lost our five-year-old cat Misty to a congenital heart defect. We had a few months’ notice that her inoffensive heart murmur had become much worse and couldn’t be fixed. The simple loss of someone you love is painful enough, but when it’s way too early, the sheer wrongness adds another layer of pain. My sincere condolences to you and your family.
JeanneT
As if a dog’s life wasn’t short enough in the best of times….. My heart goes out to you and Bixby.
Betty Cracker
So true. Healing thoughts to TaMara and crew as they mourn their beloved Bailey.
Jill
I read Balloon Juice multiple times a day (we’re talking 10-12 times at a minimum) but rarely, if ever, post a comment but had to in this instance. My condolences. I am so very sorry for your loss. I can imagine you are devastated. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you.
Ella in New Mexico
I don’t know you, and never met Bailey or Bixby, but seeing the post about her sudden passing, looking at her sweet face and remembering exactly the deep, tearing, brokenness I have felt at the loss of my own dear companions brought me to tears.
Raven’s poem is perfect. I simply do not understand how we are such a flawed and generally destructive species and yet are given the seemingly undeserved blessing of these beautiful souls to light our lives and make us better human beings. But I am so grateful for them, as short a time as we have, and for what they bring out in us.
Love and hugs to you, TaMara.
Bex
I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye to beautiful Bailey. I know how it feels.
Elie
I send you all my sympathy and empathy,TaMara. Losing a special friend like this is a wound that can only be healed with time and loving all your friends in this world. We are all so lucky to have friends and to be able to love truly. May you always have that and your warm memories of Bailey…
skyweaver
My sister posted a picture of the beloved cat I had (when I was a kid, I’m 51) on FB a while ago. I was surprised at how it still gives me a catch in my throat, years after that cat died. These animals so easily go into the most tender parts of ourselves. I never knew Bailey but I understand that kind of knowing and here’s a friendly hug from me (and us) saying we understand. And celebrate her.
Elie
@Ella in New Mexico:
So true, so true….
SgrAstar
Dear TaMara: I am so sad about beautiful Bailey. I hope your memories gradually mitigate the grinding heartbreak. Take care of your family and yourself. You have tons of support here. ❤️
Yutsano
Oh no! Bailey’s big paws definitely left a big imprint on your heart. I am so sorry for you dear heart.
notoriousJRT
My heart is with you, love and cyber hugs. I have said good bye to many furry beloveds, but at the time of my choosing. The shock of sudden and very unexpected loss makes the pain that much deeper.
Mnemosyne
It’s so hard to lose them young. I still sometimes think of a kitten I lost to FIP when I was just out of college. But Bailey loved you and knew she was loved, and that can be more than enough for a dog.
dp
So sorry to read about Bailey. Bless her and you as you go through this.
Elizabelle
She was a beautiful dog. Beautiful. And lively.
Did not get as long a life as she should have, but she was loved and appreciated. That’s a lot.
Lizzy L
TaMara, I didn’t see your news yesterday, so am reading it now for the first time. I am so sorry. It hurts when they go and it hurts inordinately when it is sudden and untimely. May you and Bixby find comfort.
Bokonon
I am so sorry. I just don’t have words.
DanR2
Hang in there, TaMara. We lost our cocker 4 weeks ago — hmm, about to the minute, right now. Hurts like hell, but it does gradually get more bearable I guess.
Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA)
@Hungry Joe: Every time I see pictures of Iggy the Wonder Schnauzer I’m shocked at how small he is. He’s just so much dog.
Tamara, keeping you and Bixby in my thoughts. Bailey was a beautiful girl, and I’m sure she knew how loved she was.
MazeDancer
Every pet lover heart here is breaking with yours. We know. We know. We know so deeply how knife sharp the loss feels. And we know, because we’ve done it before, that, eventually, pain lessens. But that doesn’t really matter now. Screw time healing. Even as we pet the other furry – and feathery – beloved heads, it just hurts.
Bailey had every possible good thing a dog could have in life. She won the doggo lottery in the Mom department. She missed out on nothing a pup should have for great living.
My dear, departed cat Maisy once gave me some good advice. (Why yes I am an ex-Santa Fe woo-woo who talks to her cats, learned a great deal from them.) When I was grieving over her loss, I heard, inside, some wise words about dealing with the insane torture of pets leaving us too soon, always too soon. Maisy said: “Love is worth it”. Yes, yes it is. But losing them still completely and totally sucks.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Bailey with us, TaMara. And know how much you made her feel loved.
WaterGirl
She is such a stunningly beautiful girl, which somehow makes it more heartbreaking, even if it shouldn’t. And so young and unexpected. Everything about this makes it harder, if that’s even possible. My first thoughts yesterday were of you and Bixby, but I thought about the kitties last night. I’m sure all of you are in shock. Sending love.
@The Moar You Know: Thanks for sharing your lovely story of all those dogs sensing your grief and coming over to comfort you.
Suffragette City
She was a beautiful dog and thank you for sharing her adventures with us. Condolences.
And now I must go hug my Shadow’s ashes while the tears fall.
jnfr
I remember coming here and to one of Tbogg’s old haunts when my beautiful Maine Coon kitty died suddenly of a cardiac myopathy. He was only 7 or 8 and it was a total shock. Everyone understanding really helped.
I’m glad it’s helped you too. Keep breathing gently.
SWMBO
Comfort to you and the rest of the family. Know that we are grieving with you. Be gentle with yourself and the critters.
debbie
@raven:
That’s such a beautiful quote. I’m glad I had a chance to see it. Thanks.
Msb
So sorry for your loss and Bixby’s, but so glad you both opened your home and lives to Bailey. Losing them suddenly makes a sharper pain.