Juror No. 77: You’d Have To Convince Me He Was Innocent Rather Than Guilty

It turns out the sketch artists weren’t the only people in the courtroom who hated Martin Shkreli, as these notes from the jury selection are just all kinds of amazing (Brafman is Shkreli’s lawyer):

the court: The purpose of jury selection is to ensure fairness and impartiality in this case. If you think that you could not be fair and impartial, it is your duty to tell me. All right. Juror Number 1.

juror no. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.

benjamin brafman: I’m sorry.

juror no. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.

***

juror no. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

brafman: So much for the presumption of innocence.

the court: We will excuse Juror Number 52. Juror Number 67?

***

juror no. 77: From everything I’ve seen on the news, everything I’ve read, I believe the defendant is the face of corporate greed in America.

brafman: We would object.

juror no. 77: You’d have to convince me he was innocent rather than guilty.

the court: I will excuse this juror. Hello, Juror Number 125.

juror no. 125: I’ve read extensively about Martin’s shameful past and his ripping off sick people and it hits close to me. I have a mother with epilepsy, a grandmother with Alzheimer’s, and a brother with multiple sclerosis. I think somebody that’s dealt in those things deserves to go to jail.

the court: Just to be clear, he’s not being charged with anything relating to the pricing of pharmaceuticals.

juror no. 125: I understand that, but I already sense the man is guilty.

And my personal favorite:

the court: Then I will excuse you from this case. Juror Number 10, please come forward.

juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

the court: Okay. We will excuse you.

Amazing.






164 replies
  1. 1
    lollipopguild says:

    But, the jurors are being Shrill! KARMA.

  2. 2
    Baud says:

    Looking forward to Trump’s voir dire.

  3. 3
    Gravenstone says:

    I saw this on your Twitter feed and imagined it was some sort of (accurate) parody. Even better that it was real. Gives some small hope that everyday folks aren’t kindly disposed towards the would be God Emperors of the Universe when those individuals act to hurt people in ways that can be widely empathized (if not experienced in person).

  4. 4
    Quinerly says:

    Speaking of assholes, Netanyahu’s son says Black Lives Matter protestors more dangerous than Neo Nazis: http://www.timesofisrael.com/n.....neo-nazis/

  5. 5
    MJS says:

    Stop being so damn honest! When you say those things out loud, you increase the chances of idiots getting on the jury. As in the Bill Cosby jury.

  6. 6
    lollipopguild says:

    @Baud: I keep thinking of Hunger Games where people were ripped apart by angry mobs.

  7. 7
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Between learning about Julie Imm a short while ago and hearing earlier today that a friend-of-a-friend was very seriously injured in the terrorist attack in Charlottesville, and basically everything, I was feeling really down.

    These exchanges with potential Shkreli jurors went far toward cheering me up.

  8. 8
    Baud says:

    @MJS:

    Good point. I’d just like to say for the record that my comments about Trump are parody. I actually have no opinion of him. Who is he anyway?

  9. 9
    trollhattan says:

    @Baud:
    GMTA, I read those and thought 1. Hey, New Yorkers! and 2. Please, please, please give them a shot at Trump. They’ve been waiting forty years.

  10. 10
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    “The precious! The precious!”

  11. 11
    John Cole says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: WHo is Julie Imm? What happened?

  12. 12
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @John Cole:

    Commenter Immanentize’s wife Julie died yesterday, on her 50th birthday. It’s been expected but still devastating news.

    ETA here’s what he wrote, as reposted by Elizabelle:

    O/T (in this case “Open Thread”)

    I am writing to share an update about my wife (J), son (the Immp) and me.

    To recap for those who have missed my very spotty comments — after some very good news at the end of May (wasn’t that like five years ago?) with J’s first chemo regimen, her cancer adapted and started growing again. A second regimen was tried and that ended up showing little promise. We were looking at a third possible chemo set and perhaps some research trials when, just two weeks ago, she had two major setbacks. The first was some blood clotting (treatable) but the second was a stomach blockage from the tumor. This blocked most of the area which links the stomach to the small intestine as well as the bile drainage tube from the liver/gall bladder/pancreas. That blockage could not be shunted or bypassed, and is obviously a real problem as Julie hasn’t been able to eat much and is also getting bilious. The cancer had also spread, at a minimum, to her liver. Last week, we moved J from therapeutic treatment to palliative-only care. The plan was to get J’s symptoms stabilized and meds fine-tuned so that she could be moved to home hospice care. The plan was to move J home this past Tuesday which was coincidentally her 50th birthday.

    The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
    Gang aft agley

    Instead of being at home, my dear wife died on Tuesday. The Immp and I were with her up to the near-end and her parents and only brother were also in town from Texas. This was a comfort to all involved. All of J’s friends, my friends, and Immp’s friends and their families have been so kind and generous. Also, people here have been so supportive and kind. Thank you.

    I am committed to writing down some of my observations/insights/thoughts/ experiences about this blazingly fast five months from diagnosis to death. But that will happen after the crazy of the next few days slackens.

    When J and I were talking about her coming death, she told me, “I will miss this whole world.”

    Not really anything else to say, except hold those you love close.

  13. 13
    debbie says:

    Already noted, but he does look like Tom Brady.

  14. 14
    Geeno says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:That is so sad. I hope Imm can take enough time to regroup.

  15. 15
    Это курам на смех says:

    @MJS: Worse, the Bundy trial here in Portland.

  16. 16

    @SiubhanDuinne: How hard. Imm, you’re in our thoughts.

  17. 17
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Geeno: Yes, he needs to care for himself and the Immp. But I’m glad he plans to come back and share some of his thoughts with us.

  18. 18
    Mnemosyne says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Oh no! I also have a friend-of-a-friend who was injured, but she got away with a broken arm and some bruises. I hope your FOAF recovers so she can sue those assholes into oblivion to cover her medical bills. 😡

  19. 19
    No Drought No More says:

    It was an edited transcript. The juror added, “..Not only do I sense he’s guilty, but as soon as the judge dismisses me here, I’m going to punch the little snake in the mouth on the way out. It’s the Beiber thing all over again. I had no idea who that kid was, much less that he was famous, but I felt an overwhelming urge to punch him in the mouth, too. So I did”.

  20. 20
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    As you have been in mine. I hope you were able to give your MIL a fine memorial.

  21. 21
    NorthLeft12 says:

    @MJS: Yes, unfortunately this process can work against intelligent and highly informed people. The “ideal” juror is going to be a “both sides do it”/”the truth is always somewhere between the two versions” moron who does not read or watch any news.
    Yeah, no wonder we have so many appalling verdicts these days.

  22. 22
    NotMax says:

    Jury of his peers, indeed.

  23. 23
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    That entire Harper’s piece is worth reading. All the exchanges are wonderful. I liked this one particularly:

    the court:Juror Number 144, tell us what you have heard.

    juror no. 144: I heard through the news of how the defendant changed the price of a pill by up-selling it. I heard he bought an album from the Wu-Tang Clan for a million dollars.

    the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that?

    juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

    the court: You are Juror Number 144 and we will excuse you.

  24. 24
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Broken pelvis, facial injuries, scrapes all over. They anticipate a long recovery for her. Sorry about your friend as well, glad it wasn’t worse, and I’m with you on the entire “sue the bastard” thing.

  25. 25
    Tom Levenson says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: So sorry to hear this. My deepest sympathy to the Imm family.

  26. 26
    Mike Furlan says:

    Hard to like Martin Shkreli, but it looks like he went to jail just because he was unlikeable.

    “But the case was tricky for the government because investors, some wealthy financiers from Texas, conceded at the trial that Shkreli’s scheme actually made them richer, in some cases doubling or even tripling their money on his company’s stock when it went public.”

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/ma.....-guilty-8/

    Trump bragged about doing what Shkreli went to jail for:

    “Trump had the political connections, but he didn’t have much money on hand. He reached an option agreement with the bankrupt Penn Central, which owned the Commodore, but he couldn’t even cover the $250,000 he needed to secure it. Instead, he bluffed. He falsely announced to the press that the option was a done deal and tricked the city government with a paperwork sleight of hand.”

    http://www.motherjones.com/pol.....huge-deal/

  27. 27
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @NorthLeft12:

    The “ideal” juror is going to be a “both sides do it”/”the truth is always somewhere between the two versions” moron who does not read or watch any news.

    Yuck. And those people smugly think they’re the smartest people in the room

  28. 28
    Elizabelle says:

    Juror Number 10 for the win.

    Sounds like he/she would fit in fine here.

  29. 29
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    How many jurors did they the court have to dismiss?!

  30. 30
    JPL says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thank you for re-posting this. Since he hasn’t commented in a few days, I recognized that the battle was lost. She was so young, and I can’t imagine the pain the family is feeling. My thoughts are with them.

  31. 31
    Applejinx says:

    It’s a pity none of these folks can put aside their obvious need to return to their lives (and not be caught up in a horrible high-profile trial that could take goodness knows how long). If they could only play innocent for a moment, they might be part of the jury, and then tell the other jurors of their opinions. And come out with a very special verdict.

    “Your honor, we think the defendant is guilty and should go to prison for a really long time.”

    “Thank you, honorable members of the…”

    “And also his lawyer should go to prison.”

    “Yes, thank you…”

    “And also his mother should go to prison.”

    “…”

  32. 32
    Xantar says:

    @🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷:

    About 200 apparently.

    “And he disrespected the Wu Tang Clan!”

  33. 33

    @Mnemosyne:

    she can sue those assholes into oblivion

    Like they did with the Aryan Nation guys up in Idaho.

  34. 34
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    juror no. 47: He’s the most hated man in America. In my opinion, he equates with Bernie Madoff with the drugs for pregnant women going from $15 to $750. My parents are in their eighties. They’re struggling to pay for their medication. My mother was telling me yesterday how my father’s cancer drug is $9,000 a month.

    the court: The case is going to come before you on evidence that you must consider fairly and with an open mind.

    juror no. 47: I would find that difficult.

    the court: And that’s based on your parents’ experience with medication?

    juror no. 47: It’s based on people working very hard for their money. He defrauded his company and his investors, and that’s not right.

    the court: Ma’am, we’re going to excuse you.

    What a wonderful thing to hear from an ordinary person. There is good in this world.

  35. 35
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @Xantar:
    That’s nuts.

  36. 36
    lumpkin says:

    Looks to me like people taking the easy way out of participating in their civic responsibility.

  37. 37
    Shell says:

    Looks like even the sketch artist had no love for Shkreli.

  38. 38
    eclare says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Oh, broken pelvis is tough. So sorry, none of us should be living through this. Glad you got a laugh from this article.

  39. 39
    p.a. says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: goddamnit. Sending peaceful thoughts to Imm, imp, & family.

  40. 40
    tobie says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thank you for sharing this sad news. Immanentize, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hug Immp a lot. You both need it right now.

  41. 41
    trollhattan says:

    @Elizabelle:
    Draft #10, draft #10, draft #10!

  42. 42
    MomSense says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Oh no. This is the worst news. My heart breaks for Imm and Immp and their extended family. I think we were all hoping for a miracle.

    “I will miss this whole world” Tears.

    Sorry to hear about your friend, too.

  43. 43
    WaterGirl says:

    The news from Imm is beyond sad. Imm, if you are reading, big hugs to you.

    Have we heard from the Smiling Mortician after surgery on Monday?

  44. 44
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thanks for letting us know (again). What a dreadful sadness for the Immanentizes. I lost my lovely younger sister to cancer at age 50 a little over a year ago; the pain is so terrible at first that you think it will never get better, but eventually, one day, your first thought of the missing is of something funny or goofy or just ordinary. Peace to them, and may that day come soon. z”l.

  45. 45
    Bill Arnold says:

    @Baud:

    Good point. I’d just like to say for the record that my comments about Trump are parody. I actually have no opinion of him. Who is he anyway?

    Not good enough. He would be angry if his (hypothetical!!!!) jury consisted of anything but jurors with a history of nothing but effusive praise.

    Oh, and p.s. anyone who hasn’t read that transcript, consider reading it. It will brighten your day.

    Oh and pps. there are things I won’t talk about so that I might b e selected for a jury.

  46. 46

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: As Vice President Biden said:

    There will come a day, I promise you and your parents, as well, when the thought of your son or daughter or your husband or wife brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. It will happen. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner or later.. But the only thing I have more experience than you in is this: I’m telling you it will come.

  47. 47
    Gelfling 545 says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: i was just thinking that the n the coming movie (of course there will be a movie) he should be played by Andt Serkis.

  48. 48
    Bill Arnold says:

    @lumpkin:

    Looks to me like people taking the easy way out of participating in their civic responsibility.

    Sure, but you know that there were some who felt the same way but deliberately and with discipline bit their tongue hard enough to qualify.

  49. 49

    @lumpkin:

    Looks to me like people taking the easy way out of participating in their civic responsibility.

    So you’d prefer jurors lie about prejudices they hold that would make it hard for them to impartially determine a defendant’s guilt? And you’re saying that lying about such things is a civic responsibility?

  50. 50
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷:

    How many jurors did they the court have to dismiss?!

    This is the introductory paragraph from the Harper‘s article John linked to at top.

    From the jury selection process that took place over three days in June for the trial of Martin Shkreli, an investor and hedge fund founder who is facing eight counts of securities and wire fraud. In 2015, when Shkreli was CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals, the company raised the price of its drug Daraprim by 5,000 percent. In 2016, Shkreli was widely criticized for defending the 400 percent increase in the price of EpiPen, an emergency allergy injection sold by Mylan. More than two hundred potential jurors were excused from the trial. Judge Kiyo Matsumoto presided. Benjamin Brafman is a lawyer representing Shkreli.

    The lawyers among us can say whether this is normal for a high-profile jury trial, somewhat unusual, or an off-the-charts crazy ratio of excused to selected.

  51. 51
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @BillinGlendaleCA: Thanks for the reminder of his wise and kind words. My husband was the first to tell me this – he lost his sister many years ago, in a car wreck when she was only 20. It’s something we never wanted to have in common.

    I wish for Imm’s sake this all were in a thread that didn’t have that smirking goon Shkreli at the top of it.

  52. 52
    Patricia Kayden says:

    @Baud: I’d pretend to be neutral and once on the jury lead out the actual witch hunt. But I am not a juror of his peerage as I am neither wealthy nor White.

  53. 53
    Felanius Kootea says:

    @Bill Arnold: Exactly. I was just thinking “how many people felt the same way as these jurors but pretended they could be impartial?”

  54. 54
    germy says:

    I’m assuming here Martin will see no jail time. He’ll pay a fine and report to a probation officer periodically.

  55. 55
    TenguPhule says:

    @🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷:

    How many jurors did they the court have to dismiss?!

    A lot.

  56. 56
    Patricia Kayden says:

    @lumpkin: Or just being honest.

  57. 57
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    Oh, CCC, that is such a cruel loss. You have my sympathy. And yes, you are right about the way grief floods in and out until it finally becomes bearable and the memories are more happy than sad. (As Joe Biden has had occasion to remind us more than once.)

  58. 58
    germy says:

    From an Associated Press article:

    LOS ANGELES (AP) — Ronald Dantowitz has been looking forward to Monday’s solar eclipse for nearly 40 years.

    An astronomer who specializes in solar imaging, he’s been photographing eclipses for more than three decades, and will be using 14 cameras to capture the Aug. 21 celestial event. The cameras have solar filters to capture the eclipse in its partial phases, along with custom modifications that can photograph the corona and light wavelengths that are invisible to the human eye, allowing scientists to view and study the sun’s temperature and composition in a way only possible during a total eclipse, he said.

    Still, witnessing totality — when the sun is completely obscured by the moon — is best done with the naked eye, not a camera, Dantowitz said, adding that the total eclipse is safe to view without special lenses.

    “Enjoying totality by eye is more rewarding,” he said. “There is much to see: stars during the daytime, the million-degree solar corona, and seeing the sun blacked out during the daytime.

    This can’t be right. What am I missing here?

  59. 59
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Bill Arnold:

    there are things I won’t talk about so that I might b e selected for a jury.

    Yeah? Like what?

  60. 60
    Snarki, child of Loki says:

    “Yes, I can be impartial in this case involving Mr. Trump.

    I won’t make up my mind until I hear all the evidence, and then I’ll decide:
    ‘crucifixion, or burn at the stake?’

    It’ll be a toughy.”

  61. 61
    Emma says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Oh my God. I was tired of the dam_n Trump spectacle yesterday and must have missed it. It’s a good thing they have family and friends to sustain them through the coming days.

  62. 62
    dmsilev says:

    @germy: Totality per se is dark. The problem is that if you’re not in the totality path, or if you don’t look away soon enough before the end of totality, you will be looking directly at the sun. Which would be bad.

  63. 63
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @germy:

    If you are in the complete, entire, 100% path of totality, and when and only when the sun is 100% eclipsed, I understand it is safe to gaze upon it with the naked eye. But only for that brief (< 2 minutes) period of totality.

  64. 64
    Millard Filmore says:

    @Applejinx:

    “And also his lawyer should go to prison.”

    From Vaughn Bode’s trial of the Cheech Wizard …

    “Your Honor, I object to being saddled with the job of defending this crawling sh1t!”

  65. 65
    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon says:

    @germy: Gotta be super careful going bare-eyed, ensure you know when to put eye protection back on and do so before any hint of the sun is visible again, if you want to keep your vision intact…

  66. 66
    Thor Heyerdahl says:

    @germy:
    Eclipse at totality is safe. Partial is not.

    Edit…As already mentioned by others

  67. 67

    @dmsilev: I’d love to see a Milky Way pic with the eclipse, there are some from the ISS(teh google is my friend).

  68. 68
    germy says:

    @dmsilev: @SiubhanDuinne: @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon: Either the interviewee or the A.P. writer didn’t bother going into those important details.

  69. 69
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Emma:

    Imm posted this morning, but it was in a thread that I think had been well and truly stomped upon by the time he got there, so lots of us (including me) missed it. Thank dog for Elizabelle, who found it and put it up again just a couple of threads down. Now there are love and condolence messages for Imm and Immp in both of those threads, plus this one.

  70. 70
    TenguPhule says:

    @germy:

    What am I missing here?

    The man is an idiot. Naked eye not a good thing.

  71. 71
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @germy:

    Yes, would’ve been good to make that extremely and unmistakably unambiguous!

  72. 72
    debbie says:

    @germy

    Thousands of scientists would beg to differ. Don’t risk it. I’ve watched eclipses reflected off of car windshields.

  73. 73
    gene108 says:

    the court: All right. I’m going to excuse you. Juror Number 59, come on up.

    juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —

    the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?

    juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

    the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

    juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

    Juror 59 has his or her priorities right. 😄

  74. 74

    @TenguPhule: “an astronomer who specializes in solar imagining” is probably not an idiot. More likely he’s one of those scientists who is irresponsible when communicating with the media, using terms of art and saying things that are merely technically correct. Like in this case, where the actual technical totality is safe to look at.

  75. 75
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA:

    I’d love to see a Milky Way pic with the eclipse, there are some from the ISS

    I’d love to see it from the ISS. Probably not enough time to arrange that for next Monday, but maybe the next one in April 2024?

  76. 76
    TenguPhule says:

    @Snarki, child of Loki:

    “Yes, I can be impartial in this case involving Mr. Trump.

    I won’t make up my mind until I hear all the evidence, and then I’ll decide:
    ‘crucifixion, or burn at the stake?’

    It’ll be a toughy.”

    Drawing and quartering is the traditional method for dealing with traitors.

    ButtStake was also a good one to deter any future attempts to conquer a country.

    Or that old western classic, hanging.

  77. 77
  78. 78

    @SiubhanDuinne: They get them more often up there.

    ETA: They can see them any time they occur, not just when it happens in the US.

  79. 79
    debbie says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA:

    Have you checked NASA’s photo of the day site? There have been lots of shots from the ISS.

  80. 80
    chopper says:

    @germy:

    nothing. totality is safe to observe with the naked eye. it has to be complete totality tho.

  81. 81
    TenguPhule says:

    @gene108:

    Juror 59 has his or her priorities right.

    Can only imagine the other 180+ others in the transcript.

    You could make a movie just based on that jury selection and it would be a solid gold comedy.

  82. 82
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @TenguPhule: @debbie: Looking at a total solar eclipse during totality is perfectly safe, as long as your timing is right. And with modern clocks it really can be right. You’re not actually looking at the Sun (its photosphere, at least) during that period. There are no special eye-destroying eclipse rays. The danger is just that you might be looking at it while the eclipse is not total.

  83. 83

    @TenguPhule: 188 Angry Men And 12 Good Liars

  84. 84
    Kristine says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: I hope your friend recovers fully.

    Heartfelt sympathies to Imm, his Immp, and their family.

  85. 85
    germy says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    “an astronomer who specializes in solar imagining” is probably not an idiot. More likely he’s one of those scientists who is irresponsible when communicating with the media, using terms of art and saying things that are merely technically correct. Like in this case, where the actual technical totality is safe to look at.

    CBS News had an interview with an elderly man who’s been partially blind since watching an eclipse when he was a boy.

    The A.P. article startled me. I think it’s a combination of the A.P. writer not asking the right questions and the astronomer not knowing how to explain things clearly to the A.P. writer.

  86. 86

    @debbie: No, but imagine they’re pretty nice.

  87. 87

    @germy: I kind of thought “totality-when the moon completely covers the sun” covered it for me. Then again, this is something I’ll never have to worry about, since I’ll never see totality(80% a few years ago will be the best I’ll ever see).

  88. 88
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    My condolences to Imm. That’s a terrible loss that I would never wish on my worst enemy.

  89. 89
    TS says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: This is so very sad – sending all sympathy to Imm and Immp. The reminder to hold our loved ones close is well taken.

  90. 90
    JPL says:

    Quinerly (poco’s mom) posted this link down below.. It hasn’t received a lot of comments though, so I reposting

    http://prospect.org/article/st.....nrepentant

  91. 91
    TenguPhule says:

    @Major Major Major Major:

    188 Angry Men Citizens And 12 Good Liars

    FTFY. A lot of the better zingers came from women.

  92. 92
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @TenguPhule: l

    You could make a movie just based on that jury selection and it would be a solid gold comedy.

    I wish a motherfucker would.

  93. 93
    Millard Filmore says:

    @germy:

    Still, witnessing totality — when the sun is completely obscured by the moon — is best done with the naked eye, not a camera, Dantowitz said, adding that the total eclipse is safe to view without special lenses.

    “Enjoying totality by eye is more rewarding,” he said. “There is much to see: stars during the daytime, the million-degree solar corona, and seeing the sun blacked out during the daytime.

    This can’t be right. What am I missing here?

    I, not an expert, have seen two total eclipses. I have heard that even though the total eclipse is not blinding, there is a lot of heat in the corona leaking around the edges that can damage your eyes through infrared.

    Staring at the eclipse is a very seductive thing. I limited my naked eye viewing to a very few 1 second blinks.

  94. 94
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    Wow. That’s a lot of people who hate his guts.

  95. 95

    @TenguPhule: I wanted to make the reference as clear as I could.

  96. 96
    Mnemosyne says:

    @JPL:

    I love Quinerly, but I feel like I’ve already seen the movie.

  97. 97
    germy says:

    @Millard Filmore:

    I, not an expert, have seen two total eclipses. I have heard that even though the total eclipse is not blinding, there is a lot of heat in the corona leaking around the edges that can damage your eyes through infrared.

    That’s what I was always taught.

    Also, most people won’t know to quickly look away when it’s no longer safe.

    What’s more outrageous (in my opinion) is the quantity of fake “eclipse viewing filters” for sale. Didn’t Amazon recall a boatload?

  98. 98
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    How is it that there is always one of these, Part MMMCCCLLLXXX etc, with the added twist of an anniversary:

    Philip Bump‏Verified account @ pbump 10h10 hours ago
    Five years ago this morning.
    Donald J. TrumpVerified account @ realDonaldTrump
    One of the hardest jobs in politics must be cleaning up after @ JoeBiden gaffes. I feel sorry for his spokespeople.

  99. 99
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thank you for sharing that. I’m crying. Sorry I’m not loopy (as promised last week) because they didn’t complete my surgery on Monday. They did the first two parts of the procedure, which revealed that the cancer had spread beyond what the PET scan showed, and sent me home with a new, less hopeful diagnosis. I’m meeting with an oncologist on Friday. Maybe I’ll get drunk later and try to fake being looped out on painkillers?

  100. 100
    Lavocat says:

    I’m guessing the court artist was going for something in the vein of Golem in a three-piece perhaps?

    Filthy little jurorses!

  101. 101
    Adria McDowell says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Poor Imm and Immp! Rest In Peace, Julie.

    Has Smiling Mortician commented? Hope all is well with them.

  102. 102

    @Millard Filmore: I think it’s the ultraviolet exposure that is more damaging to the eyes.

  103. 103
    Mary G says:

    In my many experiences of jury duty during my working years I was tossed off more panels than I can count. Most notably a rape trial down the hall from the OJ trial when I was excused by the defense attorneys before the woman who worked in the DA’s office. What a nightmare that was. Took hours to get through the metal detectors and into an elevator up to the ninth floor.

  104. 104

    @Mary G: I’ve had jury duty on the 9th floor, truly sucky.

    ETA: For those not in LA County; the 9th floor of the Criminal Courts Building in DTLA is where they have all the high profile trials. There’s an extra security check as you get off the elevators, in addition to the one that you get entering the building.

  105. 105
    dmsilev says:

    @germy:

    What’s more outrageous (in my opinion) is the quantity of fake “eclipse viewing filters” for sale. Didn’t Amazon recall a boatload?

    They did, but Amazon’s Marketplace (3rd party sellers using Amazon’s storefront) can be a crapshoot at best, and basically serves as an object lesson in why consumer safety regulations are a good thing.

  106. 106
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Gypsy curse. It’s the only rational answer.

  107. 107
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    Ryan NoblesVerified account ryanobles
    JUST IN: VP Mike Pence has canceled a planned appearance with #VAGov GOP nominee EdWGillespie

    Replying to @ ryanobles
    Don’t you kinda think it was EdWGillespie and not VP who cancelled? As in distance himself from the POTUS train wreck?

    Rick Wilson‏Verified account TheRickWilson 5h5 hours ago
    Shhhhhh.

  108. 108
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    I’m so sorry. I hope for the best for you.

  109. 109
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Smiling Mortician: I’m so sorry, SM. I wish I had more to offer.

  110. 110
    debbie says:

    @Matt McIrvin:

    Exactly. I don’t think it’s worth the risk.

  111. 111
    dmsilev says:

    @Mnemosyne: No, I think Obama is taking his time machine out for a spin again.

  112. 112
    lurker dean says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: thanks for posting this for those of us who missed it. deepest condolences to imm.

  113. 113
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @WaterGirl: I just responded to Suibhan Duinne (my comment is at #99, I think). Anyway, recent developments make me a bit less hopeful now than I was a few days ago — which wasn’t very hopeful. Still, I’m trying my best not to be a complete fucking puddle of doom. Thanks for asking.

    @Adria McDowell: And thanks to you as well.

  114. 114
    TenguPhule says:

    Speaking of Assholes, Here’s Ben Carson!

    He accused the media of overreacting to Trump’s comments — both his initial remarks on Saturday and his comments during a news conference on Tuesday — and said the country needs to focus on bigger problems.

    “We all have to recognize that there are other things that are important here and don’t get caught up in these little squabbles and blow them out of proportion,” Carson said, “and spend all of our time talking about that.”

    Uncle Tom doesn’t do him justice. What’s worse then that? Because whatever it is, that’s Ben Carson.

  115. 115
    dmsilev says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Oh, no. I hope things turn around quickly.

  116. 116
    scav says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Oh OWBother and it’s no good as we’re all speachless anyway, so sorry. Go for the good stuff while drinking.

  117. 117
  118. 118
    dmsilev says:

    @TenguPhule: “Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion!”

  119. 119
    JMG says:

    Called for jury duty last year in Juvy (Mass has jury jury trials). Poor used of a gun case, would’ve taken days, which the judge frankly warned us. Fortunately, the book I had taken to read during the wait had a picture of Julius Erving on the cover. Judge had been in his UMass class. He stopped asking questions and we chatted about the Doctor for fie minutes. Defense couldn’t wait to use a challenge on me. Thank goodness I didn’t bring a mystery.

  120. 120
    debbie says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA:

    Sometimes I just roam through their archives. What an awesome universe we live in!

  121. 121
    🌎 🇺🇸 Goku (aka The Hope of the Universe) 🗳 🌷 says:

    @TenguPhule:
    Slave catcher? Jew for Hitler?

  122. 122
    debbie says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    Wishing you strength because I just don’t know what else to say.

  123. 123
    Quinerly says:

    @JPL:
    Thanks for the reposting! And the Poco shout out. Poco and I were at the vet earlier so I haven’t been following a lot of comments. He has to have surgery on Friday to remove the second tumor in his mouth. We went through this about 18 months ago. Hoping it’s benign. Send us positive thoughts…all pretty minor, though, compared to all the other personal sadness amongst our commenters.

  124. 124
    Quinerly says:

    Here’s a story…Trump’s lead atty forwards an email to conservative journalists and friends praising Trump’s presser yesterday…the real kicker is the quote, “You cannot be against General Lee and be for General Washington. There literally is no difference between the two men:” https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/08/16/us/politics/trump-lawyer-email-race-charlottesville.html?referer=

  125. 125
    Smiling Mortician says:

    Thanks, everybody. I didn’t mean to pull any focus from Immanentize and his sadness, which is more profound than mine (which is still speculative at this point). Just felt kinda dishonest, lurking and not telling y’all the latest when people were asking. I’ll update after this Friday’s consult with the new oncologist. Meanwhile, I love you all. And again I say (in defiance of all who disagree) the BJ commentariat provide the best damn comfort on the internet.(Yep. I’m standing by that statement, and fuck the haters.)

  126. 126
    TenguPhule says:

    @Quinerly:

    “You cannot be against General Lee and be for General Washington. There literally is no difference between the two men:”

    The face-palm heard across the world.

  127. 127
    Adria McDowell says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Yay! Glad you are back, and that I look like a total idiot for not scrolling up!

  128. 128
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    Oh, SM. You probably won’t have seen, but many of us have asked about you since Monday, wondering about the surgery and the outcome. I am so terribly sorry that it looks less promising than you had hoped. Damn. But so glad to see you.

    You have more friends here at Balloon Juice than you can imagine, and I’m not being fatuous when I say, Please, let us know how we can support you going forward. You’re a valued member of this jackal pack and we’re all pulling for you.

    Love ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕and hugs {{{{{{{Smiling Mortician}}}}}}}

  129. 129
    Quinerly says:

    @Smiling Mortician:
    I’m just catching up. Sending positive thoughts. Please keep us updated. Take care.💚🐾

  130. 130
    Adria McDowell says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Again. I have failed to scroll up and again look like an idiot. Just know we here have got your back no matter what.

  131. 131
    Mary G says:

    @Smiling Mortician: I am so sorry you got such bad news. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. I think puddle of doom is a perfectly appropriate response to what you’ve had happen.

  132. 132
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: No, I haven’t seen. Maybe tomorrow I’ll treat myself to a trip through previous threads. Monday I was out of it, Tuesday I was a complete mental disaster, and today I’ve been trying to get my head back into the game of life. Thank you so much. You have no idea (or maybe you do!) how much it means to me to have the support of you and all the jackals here.

  133. 133
    a thousand flouncing lurkers (was fidelio) says:

    @Smiling Mortician: I’m sorry. Best wishes going forward.

    Yes, alter your consciousness, by all means. Or any means, even.

  134. 134
    JPL says:

    @Smiling Mortician: We have been wondering, and I’m so sorry. Fight the good fight because we are going to take down the asshole in chief.

  135. 135
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @a thousand flouncing lurkers (was fidelio): I’m gonna take that as a direct order, and go have some good wine.

    And again, thanks to all of you. Such fucking good people. Seriously.

  136. 136
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @JPL: Yes we are.

  137. 137
    JPL says:

    @TenguPhule: I read it earlier.. Lee saved America as did Washington. I just want to know what gutter these folks find their alternate history in?

  138. 138
    Another Scott says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: If you’re thinking of this famous rendering from A4Size – that’s not a “real” picture. It’s kind of amazing anyway. ;-)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  139. 139
    Another Scott says:

    @Smiling Mortician: I’m so sorry. :-(

    I don’t know what to say, except try to enjoy your time with family and friends.

    Hang in there.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  140. 140
    Another Scott says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Thank you for posting that, SD.

    Condolences to you and yours, Imm. :-( Remember the good times.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  141. 141
    Westyny says:

    @Smiling Mortician:
    Solidarity.

  142. 142
    Ruckus says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    Immanentize, so sorry about your wife.
    Peace be on you and yours.

    I can only say what I say every day, if only to myself. FUCK Fucking Cancer.

  143. 143
    Ruckus says:

    @Smiling Mortician:
    I hope that things get better.
    Just got home from work so catching up and saw your posting. See the last line of my post at #142. There is a rather personal reason for that line but I’d feel that way even if there wasn’t.

  144. 144
    Tenar Arha says:

    @Quinerly: [endless screaming into the ahistorical void]

  145. 145
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @Ruckus: Totally with you. FUCK fucking cancer. With the rustiest pitchfork available. Seriously, FUCK that asshole.

  146. 146
    Ruckus says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    I’ve known a couple of people with broken pelvis and depending on the damage it might just be painful and heal itself. Which doesn’t sound likely from your description of taking a long time. Best of luck to your friend. Does she need money for docs? Perhaps a GoFundMe.
    @Mnemosyne:
    Also sorry for your friend. Same question about the money.

  147. 147
    Tenar Arha says:

    My condolences to the Immanentize family. May Julie’s memory be a blessing to you.

    @Smiling Mortician: I have my fingers crossed for your meeting with the new oncologist.

  148. 148
    Zelma says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Thoughts and prayers with you. Oncology can achieve some pretty amazing results these days. Maybe not a cure, but more time to enjoy life. Best wishes.

  149. 149
    J R in WV says:

    @TenguPhule:

    No, during the period of totality it is totally safe – in fact, you can’t see anything if you wear eye protection during totality.

    And after 2’30” or so, the first glimpses of sunshine gleaming through the valleys around the edge of the moon will show, Beads of Someone-I-Forget, and that is when you need to close your eyes and put back on eye protection.

    I hope to take a few photos of the action, but then read a remark by an experienced eclipse chaser, who said ” open a bottle of champagne, and drink and watch the aura of the sun…” or words to that effect. We’ll be in western Kentucky, weather allowing.

    There’s a museum in Marion, Ky. I hope to visit, closed on Mondays, but maybe on Tuesday, before we take off for home in WVa. If it continues to look worse in W KY as far as weather goes, we may make a mad dash into E TN.

  150. 150
    Ruckus says:

    @Mike Furlan:

    because he was unlikeable.

    He’s the one responsible for that. Sure we all have a few people who don’t like us for good or bad reasons. People didn’t like him because he’s an asshole who makes being healthy a lot more expensive. Asshole First Class. Asshole Deluxe. Asshole Supreme. Chose any of those you like or feel free to come up with others.

  151. 151
    Joy in FL says:

    @Smiling Mortician: so sorry about your bad news. May you always have what you need.

  152. 152
    Ruckus says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
    I lost a great friend when he was 21 and I was 24. I went, with about 400 people to his funeral. Afterwards a few of us went to his house, to be with his parents, who I also knew. Up until that day I only knew them as Mom and Pop, not their actual names. I was pretty stoic right up until I went into his room and sat on his bed. I broke down. His sister came in and sat with me and told me it was OK. He was happy and doing what he wanted and I could be OK with it. I’m crying right now 44 yrs later just thinking about all that. But as Joe Biden said, one day it will be easier. I am sorry, it won’t be better. But it will be easier.

  153. 153
    J R in WV says:

    Or Maybe, if it looks to be cloudy in western Kentucky next Monday, and clear in east Tennessee, well, it’s closer to Knoxville than it is to Owensboro, really. Maybe. Today there are hotel rooms available in Knoxville. So who knows…

  154. 154
    Ohio Mom says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Here’s hoping that whatever the oncologist comes up with has do-able side effects and works well.

    Also, if you are in anyway uncomfortable with the oncologist, find another one, ASAP. It is essential that the two of you have a good rapport.

    Please keep us posted.

    You too, @Ruckus:

  155. 155
    J R in WV says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    So sorry to hear your bad news – what a disaster to wake up to.

    We are all with you, the whole snarling pack of us!!! Hang in there. Drink the best of whatever you prefer…

  156. 156

    @Smiling Mortician: I’m so sorry. I hope the oncologist can offer some glimmer of hope. For now, though, enjoy your wine.

  157. 157
    Raoul says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

    Saw that one on the twitt-box earlier today and it’s still my personal favorite.

  158. 158
    MomSense says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    I’m so sorry to hear your news . Please know that we are all here for you and rooting for you. Sending big hugs to you.

  159. 159
    jibeaux says:

    This reads like excellent satire. My favorite line is “I could be fair to one side but not the other.”

  160. 160
    Ruckus says:

    @Ohio Mom:
    Thanks.
    I get a review on progress on Monday. That’s 8 1/2 months since treatment was finished. I think waiting is almost worse than being told in the first place. Yes I did say almost.

  161. 161
    jonas says:

    @germy: He’ll probably plead that “I’m rich so I don’t understand normal human morality” defense that rich shit kid from Texas got off on a few years back.

  162. 162
    rikyrah says:

    @Smiling Mortician:

    Sending you positive thoughts.

  163. 163
    Laura says:

    @Quinerly: Scritchy Scratch Poco!

  164. 164
    WaterGirl says:

    @Smiling Mortician: Way late to the thread so I don’t know if you will see this. So glad to see your nym as I have been worried about you since Sunday. But damn, I don’t know how you wrap your head around that. I wish that wasn’t so, and I hope the new doctor has more hopeful news for you.

Comments are closed.