The Back Person’s Guide to Game of Thrones:
Man, this sounds interesting now! I just wish there were more black people.
Well, there are the Starks, who I refer to as “our cousins.”
Who are the Starks?
The Starks are a family who chilled in their own segregated neighborhood, not bothering anybody. Ned was the father, and he had five kids. He was also raising his nephew Jon Snow. (His sister got knocked up by this crazy guy, and … you know how we do.) Anyway, Ned let his homeboy convince him to take this “good job,” let his daughter marry a white boy and moved his family into a white neighborhood. Ned fell for the trap, and the Lannister/Trumps cut his head off because Ned knew about the Russian collusion.
Tears.
(via valued commenter Nicole, who is awesome, unlike the horrible no good HeleninEire who can pound sand. I kid.)
Villago Delenda Est
I like this. I like it a lot!
mai naem mobile
Who is this back person you speak off? Your local chiropractor?
rikyrah
BWA HA HA HA HA HA ?, Cole.
Omnes Omnibus
@Villago Delenda Est: Yeah, I laughed my ass off when I clicked on Nicole’s link. What’s more, I learned a new word: wypipo.
Cole: Do what you want with it, but I am pretty sure is a “Black Person’s Guide.”
Villago Delenda Est
Fauxcused, a commenter at the site, says:
“Look me straight in the eye and tell me Tyrion is not at least a tiny bit black.
I mean, he was arrested and put on trial basically for being a dwarf at the wrong place at the wrong time. ”
Next commenter, DoobyOne says “Driving while Dwarf.”
Albert Z.
@mai naem mobile: Game of Bones?
SiubhanDuinne
Oh god, I haven’t even clicked on any of the links and I am already weeping uncontrollably.
Just STOP IT, black people. Stop it right now.
Adam L Silverman
@Albert Z.: Knowing how the Internet works I would not Google that.
Omnes Omnibus
@Adam L Silverman: Or definitely Google it. Tastes vary.
Major Major Major Major
@Adam L Silverman: I don’t see what about the TCP/IP system should make you hesitant.
Adam L Silverman
@Omnes Omnibus: True. To each their own.
Adam L Silverman
@Major Major Major Major: Ugh.
BottyGuy
Tyrian has been getting pulled over constantly and arrested on trumped up charges. I’m pretty sure he’s black.
Lapassionara
Thank you, John Cole. For this.
HeleninEire
:) I love raising the ire of the blog master. Makes me feel important! I must confess that I do miss the late night “I HATE YOU ALL” rants that have been conspicuously missing since the master has gone and gotten all happy on us.
If the last post was one of those, I def would have read it.
Omnes Omnibus
@HeleninEire: Since you didn’t read it, how do you know it wasn’t?
debbie
Love Daenarys’s privilege dragons.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@HeleninEire: maybe if we all email him at once, at fixed time, say 11:15 eastern, about the unfixed typo in this post, we can provoke a good “Fuck Off! I hate you all”
HeleninEire
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: AND DON’T FORGET ALL CAPS, ALSO, TOO.
oatler.
“Bobdor.”
khead
Am I the only person that has not watched GOT?
Also, have some lazy Bootsy kitteh.
trnc
It just hit me why DT is so pissed off about the Junior collusion stories. It’s because DT is the only one who is supposed to undermine every asshole who lies on his behalf. When Jr did it to himself, he was stepping on Dad’s turf.
Adam L Silverman
@khead: I have not watched it. I have also not read the books.
albertZ
You know who needed the pie filter? King Joffrey and Walder Frey. Either one reminds me of Trump but mostly Frey.
Brachiator
@Adam L Silverman:
You’ve got plenty of time to binge watch seasons 1 through 6 before the new shows start on Sunday.
Adam L Silverman
@Brachiator: I have no interest in doing so.
Villago Delenda Est
@albertZ: Yup, Walder Frey DEFINITELY needed a pie filter. Well, that’s water under the twin bridges now!
Omnes Omnibus
@Adam L Silverman: Canonically, it is “I would prefer not to.”
Laura
@khead:
never seen a one. No HBO. Fargo, on the other hand . . .
Gin & Tonic
@khead:
No.
Brachiator
@Adam L Silverman:
Actually, I kinda figured that. Still wanted to go for the joke.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Kellyanne Conway brings ink-jet printed props on Hannity, and says that we don’t have evidence of collusion… “yet“
Adam L Silverman
@Brachiator: No worries. I was not offended.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: What the fucking fuck? I mean it.
Yarrow
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Wow. The internet is going to have a field day with those pieces of paper.
glory b
Okay, so all of you have to go to deadspin and look for the “Caucasian Guides.” This post flipped the script on those.
They include the Caucasian guides to black cookouts, church services, etc., as guides for what to know when accompanying a black friend or significant other.
Black folks of balloon juice, you will hurt yourselves laughing (“Don’t bring potato salad, cause big mama doesn’t eat anybody’s potato salad.”)
Sab
@Adam L Silverman: I did both, and I’m not sorry about the books, but I bailed about halfway thru season 2. I cheered at the Red Wedding. Ned’s obnoxious wife (I am a stepmother who hates evil stepmothers giving the rest of us a bad name) and the her son’s Outlander knockoff wife getting their just desserts.
JanieM
@khead: I haven’t read the books or watched it either. Life is short.
CaseyL
You don’t need to watch GoT to appreciate The Black Person’s Guide. It’s that funny… also, I’m pretty sure most of the references have soaked into pop culture enough that you’ll know what they’re talking about even if you haven’t seen it.
I unsubscribed to my cable package, which means I won’t be able to watch the upcoming season. (Not legally, anyways.)
khead
@glory b:
My favorite is the Caucasian’s Guide to Spades.
trollhattan
@Villago Delenda Est:
Gold, Jerry, pure gold.
Brachiator
@CaseyL:
Well, HBO Now and other services do not require a cable subscription.
Ruckus
@khead:
No.
CaseyL
@Brachiator: But they do require a tablet, and I don’t have one of those, either.
@khead: Thank you for that link! I used to play Spades and the version in the article is, like, the apotheosis of Spades. The Platonic Ideal, but with curse words and glorious insults.
Mnemosyne
I stopped watching GoT when random people were getting eaten alive by rats. Torture porn bores me. I don’t think I even made it to the Red Wedding.
Msb
Extra points for being true as well as funny, and teaching me a new word.
Patricia Kayden
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Kellyanne Conway is a professional and paid liar. I wish MSM forums like CNN would stop having her on.
Patricia Kayden
@khead: What a cute kitty. That’s exactly what I feel like doing just about now.