This is not a post about Trump in Europe.
Apparently, my parents’ dogs Ginny and Guesly, proud Jack Russell Terriers, have been driven to the point of madness by something under the front porch. This seems like an opportune time to play my favorite video of Ginny and Guesly, which is them drying themselves off on the furniture in the “good” living room, my mother filming them, and dad vacuuming and discovering what my mom and the dogs were up to:
Back to the story. The dogs have been driven insane buy the sounds of something SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING underneath the front porch, and thus drove my parents mental. Finally, they managed to get underneath the front porch through a small hole to confront the malevolent source of their frustration, and mom and dad couldn’t get the dogs out until they had to strip off a large section of the siding. Dad then set a trap, and this is what he found:
Dad apparently, according to mom, drove it “across the state line” and released it, a detail I found hilarious but didn’t bother to explain to my mom that I am pretty certain groundhogs don’t care about state borders and surely don’t recognize them. However, I will note that my response does not speak well to my mental state, because the most important detail to me was whether or not they named the groundhog:
He does look like a Fred, right? I’m not just imagining this, am I?
In other news, Ann Burr and the kids left today and the house is too damned quiet and depressing. But they will be back in a couple weeks, so that will be nice.
*** Update ***
I was apparently wrong- my mother has vociferously denied that she said “across” the state line but rather stated “near” the state line to give me an idea where Fred was released. I don’t want to get cut out of the will and I am deaf and have recently received an education on my selective hearing from a delightful woman who resides in Connecticut and will be unnamed, so I am putting this statement out quickly.
Elizabelle
I remember that video of your dad and the dogs. Classic.
So maybe your groundhog will end up famous, since he’s now presumably in Pennsylvania?
Triumph
Nice marmot, man.
Roger Moore
I think it looks more like an Ethyl than a Fred.
Mike J
You pulled a varmint in a cage out of a hole?
NotMax
Is this the new version of “took it to a nice farm?”
hellslittlestangel
@Elizabelle: Punxatawney Phil ousted by a carpetbagger? Never!
Origuy
There’s a joke there about violating the Mann Act, but I can’t quite make it work.
raven
Whistle Pig!
Major Major Major Major
I’ve got a couple Pandora stations you would hate if you need something to listen to.
JPL
That was one of my favorite videos. Fred is a perfect name.
NotMax
@Origuy
Works so much better with lions and porpoises.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
Caddyshack III
sm*t cl*de
@Origuy:
Groundhogs dig tunnels, don’t they? So transporting a miner across state lines is RIGHT OUT.
TaMara (HFG)
Eh, looks like a Ralph to me. And I love the video of the dogs. Good to know G&G are happily doing their job.
Yarrow
Is this post going to show up over and over every day?
jl
Cole’s dad was right. Outside agitator groundhogs are the cause of a lot of our problems these days.Across the state line with it. Ohio, or Pennsylvania?
And groundhogs don’t need to stinkin’ human names.
At least it wasn’t a wild alot under the porch.
NotMax
Fred?
Al. Definitely an Al.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
@Yarrow: I got you, babe
terben
@Origuy:I was going to write, ‘Isn’t it against the law to take a miner across a state line?’ But someone beat me to it.
?BillinGlendaleCA
FRED was the name of my dorm floor.
T S
@Origuy: For what “immoral purposes” would one be crossing the state line with a groundhog…okay, best not make that joke work. I don’t want to know.
Laura
@T S: animal husbandry Duh!
Sab
So much for your parents ever again getting wood chucked.
p.a.
1) I originally thought Steve was a poor name for a cat, but it sure as hell fits, JC was spot on, so Fred it is.
1) I hope ‘was taken over the state line’ isn’t a euphemism; I’m reminded of a highschool ‘modernization’ of That Scottish Play and the line “Banquo got taken to the well…”
Emerald
That thing is almost the size of a freakin’ capybara.
Annie
Looks like one of the Gs had major issues with those sofa pillows too . . .
Major Major Major Major
@Emerald: My first thought when I saw it too!
Bill
My Father, upon sighting a groundhog, nosed the Isuzu Trooper II off the side of the road and reached for the M1 rifle he kept on the backseat.
“What are you doing”?
“There’s a groundhog.”
“Dad, he’s nowhere near your garden. We’re in New Jersey for Crissake.”
“He’s near somebody’s garden.”
“I’m not sure that Jersey is the ideal spot to light off a semiauto rifle. They frown on this sort of thing.”
“It’ll only take one shot. They’ll think it’s a car backfiring.”
“I dunno. .30-06 sounds a lot like a rifle, and not a bit like a car backfiring. Why the hell do you have a frigging M1 in the car anyway?”
“In case I see a groundhog.”
He didn’t like pigeons, either.
different-church-lady
If I ever catch the woodchuck under my porch, it’s being released OVERSEAS.
jharp
I once lived in an old farmhouse where one of the bathroom storage areas had a dirt floor.
I kept hearing noises coming from within and would try to sneak up and suddenly open the door to see what it is.
One time it worked. I was face to face with a woodchuck 2 feet away. I slammed the door so hard that it broke the door.
Gin & Tonic
After that 1:00 am or whenever it was fact-checking post from ABC, you should be thanking your lucky stars that she will be back in a few weeks.
trollhattan
Heh, have friends who will catch various urban-wild critters and “drive them out to the country” for release (including skunks if you can believe that) and I ask “across the river?” They always give me the Why didn’t I think of that? look.
SWMBO
The dogs are looking like ” if we’re going to get yelled at, in for a penny in for a pound”.
Roger Moore
@Bill:
A .30-06 seems like major overkill for a groundhog, anyway. Isn’t that what the .223 Remington was invented for?
Gravenstone
@NotMax: We shall call him AlFred.
jharp
@Roger Moore:
.30-06 isn’t too bad of a choice. A bit big maybe.
22-250 is tops I think but I used to use a .243.
I once shot and killed one about 320 yards away.
Gravenstone
@Roger Moore: .22 LR is more than enough for a ‘chuck.
MoxieM
My sister’s gone-but-not-forgotten JRT dug through the linoleum in the kitchen to try and get to … whatever … in the cellar (it was a 1740s house, so yah). In Connecticut, no less. Me, I have Newfies, who are more likely to hold down the floor than tear it up!
MelissaM
I, for one, love that old vid of your folks dogs on the Good Furniture. Your dad’s “oh my god!” sounds like he just discovered his aorta was leaking or something.
schrodingers_cat
That thing is huge.
Bill
@Roger Moore: Dad wasn’t much for subtlety. He actually had a Mini-14, but preferred the Garand. As do I, frankly. He was absolutely lethal with iron sights. I’m not sure how he did it, but he could snap off a shot very damn quickly and he simply did not miss. He once fired at a groundhog who had been standing on a woodpile, and, as usual, jumping up and down waving his middle finger at Dad, the way that groundhogs always do. He sighted and fired, smoothly, quickly, as always. We went to inspect the client, and found it several yards past the woodpile, minus it’s head and shoulders. Dad commented that he had seen it turn and start to run as he fired, and that he certainly hadn’t hit it in the head. We looked, but couldn’t find an entry wound. Closer inspection revealed that the northbound groundhog had been shot in his south-facing end, pretty much a bullseye if you get my meaning.
I was not overfond of Dad, and he was not overfond of me, but he was a hell of a shot.
Sloane Ranger
Until I read the posts here I hadn’t realised that Groundhog, Woodchuck and Marmot were different names for the same beasties.
Thank you all for increasing my knowledge.
One question, is this a regional dialect thing or are they used interchangeably?
Roger Moore
@Sloane Ranger:
Strictly speaking, “marmot” refers to any member of the genus Marmota, including M. monax, the groundhog, woodchuck, or whistle-pig.
RPh
Just guessing, from your description of your listening-fu, that your mom & dad don’t have you in 1st position on their Powers of Attorneys
Sloane Ranger
@Roger Moore: Thank you for this further addition to my knowledge.
Aaron
Cool you found a chupacabra! I thought those were only in mexico!
Another Scott
@schrodingers_cat: That’s a small one. I’ve seen Tunch-size versions in the family on the grounds at work.
Cheers,
Scott.
(Now beavers, those can be huge.)
FlyingToaster
@different-church-lady: Release it a mile away (Walker Pond, downhill from Gore Place) at sunset.
Trust me.
A Ghost to Most
@schrodingers_cat:
Actually, that is an average size woodchuck.
Congrats on becoming a U.S. citizen. Now if I could get my family to emigrate …
ET
For a second I read the post title as I know Why a Caged Varmint Sings…
But that didn’t seem right…. I think it’s cute even if it annoys the JRTs.
hope
I currently have what I think is a den of snakes in the cinderblock walls of my house. At least it smells like a whole passel of snakes
Shalimar
I won’t let my dogs out without a leash because snakes occasionally get under the house. Though I guess snakes are at least good at not making strange noises. Still, dogs under house, very bad.
Another Scott
@A Ghost to Most: Really? I missed the news!
Congrats SC!!
Keep away from Erwin – he’s got weird ideas about the best ways to treat a feline.
Cheers,
Scott.
SiubhanDuinne
@hope:
I have survived for almost 75 years without knowing, or even wondering, what a whole passel of snakes smells like. Have never thought of snakes as being smelly.
p.a.
@SiubhanDuinne:
ya gotta get up real close…
opiejeanne
John, your family’s animal adventures are hilarious.
Meanwhile today is day 4 of our trip through several red states and the angry energy is oppressive. People in these places have lost their damned minds and we feel as if we have targets on our backs. Deadwood was like a punch in the gut. T-shirts with vile messages and Trump’s face were out in plain sight. The hotel in Sheridan WY, a nice Hilton property, has the local blood-red rag as their free newspaper instead of USA Today.
We don’t have bumper stickers on our car, no political message clothing and we have avoided interacting with anyone unless we know what their politics are first, and what they’ve said is heartbreaking. The worst was a ranger at a Montana state park who teaches HS history during the school year and has a constant battle with RW parents.
hellslittlestangel
I guess I’m hopelessly urban, but I can’t imagine why anyone would even think of killing a groundhog. It’s like trying to picture Elmer Fudd as a real person.
opiejeanne
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Fred was my Grandfather’s name as well as my dad’s.
kindness
John you could do the whole family a favor and make sure Dad blocks off under the front porch better than it was. I mean, we’d miss hearing more stories about it but from the sound of things, everyone there’s blood pressure would be better if it was screened off.
They don’t have groundhogs out here in CA. I do remember them being around back east though. Some of them didn’t care if you were around and didn’t run away. They just went about their business and we let them be.
opiejeanne
@opiejeanne: Of course, I think Fred is a good name for a cat.
Another Scott
@opiejeanne: The T-shirt stores on the main drag in Gatlinburg, TN are like that, as are all the giant pickup trucks. It was weird to see a Muslim family (the women in long dresses and Hijabs) walking by such stores… :-/
Enjoy the good parts of the trip!
Cheers,
Scott.
Another Scott
@Another Scott: Oh, and just to be clear, there were lots of very, very conservative people (and lots of noisy drunks with their Trump T-shirts, etc.) all over the place, but there was no indication that the family had been hassled in any way (that I saw). There are lots of contradictions in America. Here’s hoping that your trip ends up being enjoyable in spite of it all.
Hang in there.
Cheers,
Scott.