Overnight Open Thread: Overly Endowed Floriduh Man Edition

From the EEEEWWWW! Wing of the Floriduh Man Hall of Fame comes the tale of the strangest legal argument I have ever heard:

A Florida man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend wants to enter his penis into evidence to show a jury that his former lover died accidentally during oral sex.

According to the Sun Sentinel, 65-year-old Richard Henry Patterson admitted he choked his girlfriend 60-year-old Francisca Marquinez on Oct. 28, 2015, however, he never said how and now Patterson is asking a judge permission to show his member to the jury to prove Marquinez’s death was a mistake.

While the request is odd, Patterson’s attorney Ken Padowitz said it’s important to his “rough sex” defense, which has been used in several cases across the country. The premise is the victim died accidentally during consensual sex. Medical Examiner Dr. Ronald Wright will hopefully bolster Patterson’s case.

“Dr. [Ronald] Wright, an expert witness and former Broward County medical examiner, will testify that … her death is consistent with being accidentally sexually asphyxiated during oral sex,” Padowitz wrote in the motion. “It is material and relevant. The view by the jury is essential for them to fully understand Dr. Wright’s testimony and the defense in this case.”

A Brooklyn Defense Attorney Joyce David who also used a “rough sex” argument doesn’t think Patterson has to disrobe to get his point across. “Really, couldn’t they just make a mold or something?” David questioned.

Dare I say a whole lot more at the link

Open thread!

32 replies
  1. 1
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Texas…your move!

  2. 2
    Felanius Kootea says:

    Umm what? I think Florida needs some serious fumigating…

  3. 3
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: This is a “Hold my beer!” kind of challenge.

  4. 4
    NotMax says:

    Grab bag o’ stuff.

    From Missouri, but worthy of being named an honorary Floridian. – A man tried to argue in federal court that dealing heroin is his religious right.

    Stopped at a red light today during the monthly sojourn to town. Directly ahead of me was a pick-up truck, its tailgate and bumper festooned with a total of 13 bumper stickers and decals promoting witches.

    For those with Netflix who could use some smiles, check out The 101-Year-Old Man Who Skipped Out on the Bill and Disappeared. Slow-burning, old school gentle comedy. Nice, amusing watch.

  5. 5
    albertZ says:

    Reminds me of a Kliban’s Map Filth

  6. 6
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @NotMax: I know of a yeshiva bucher (ultra devout Jewish religious student) in Israel that tried the same type of thing when charged with drug trafficking in Israel. Claimed there was nothing in the Torah about marijuana or cocaine. Not sure what happened to him, but I’m guessing he did not prevail in court.

  7. 7
    mai naem mobile says:

    I saw the header on the post ‘Overly Endowed FLoriduh Man’ and I thought,thank god, finally a No Dolt 45 thread.

  8. 8
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @mai naem mobile: You’re welcome!

  9. 9
    bago says:

    Well, a little bit to the west…

  10. 10
    Adam L Silverman says:

    I’m too bed. You all have fun.

  11. 11
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I don’t know what state Laura Ingram is from, but this would have to put her doubly in the running for ________ Woman

    Laura Ingraham‏Verified account
    @ IngrahamAngle
    Laura Ingraham Retweeted New Orleans Advocate
    When will they storm Washington’s Monticello?
    New Orleans AdvocateVerified account @ theadvocateno
    Jefferson Davis monument in New Orleans coming down after midnight, NOPD tells nearby school…

    So Washington is just like ol’ Jeff Davis, and….

  12. 12
    Mnemosyne says:

    Well, that’s gross. And pretty much physically impossible to do accidentally. I didn’t notice that my partner was turning blue while I was suffocating her isn’t much of a defense.

  13. 13
    Marcopolo says:

    So the NJ R rep who devised the language that rebooted the AHCA to life has been holding town halls. People have been taping them. Here is a bit from the one tonight that was posted to DKos.


    Please go to about the 9 minute mark and watch as a husband and father tears the righteous shit out of the congressman for the next six or seven minutes. You will not regret spending the time, you will be cheering this guy on, and you’ll come away feeling energized and having heard some amazing arguments you can use if your congressman is an R and voted for the AHCA.

    Keeping my fingers crossed on all this Trump crap and general R majority shafting the non-one percenters getting turned around, but am definitely glad to live in a country where we can face our elected officials and tell them off with aplomb!

  14. 14
    amk says:

    what a dickish defense.

  15. 15
    NotMax says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Icing on the nut-stuffed cake is that Monticello was Jefferson. Washington = Mount Vernon.

  16. 16
    Fair Economist says:

    The desire to prove he’s well-endowed makes me *more* skeptical of the claim it was an accident. People don’t choke on big things – they don’t go far enough into the throat. Although – I’m really skeptical anyway. Didn’t he notice when she stopped moving?

  17. 17
    Mnemosyne says:

    And I don’t find the story particularly funny because odds are good the guy is going to be acquitted. The “rough sex” defenses seem to be pretty successful because only one of the people — almost always the man — is around to say what happened and juries give them the benefit of the doubt since only a slutty slut slut would be having sex in the first place.

  18. 18
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @NotMax: and she posed the silly cover photo of at least one of her silly books dressed up as a Founder

  19. 19
    Mnemosyne says:


    What, you mean Laura Ingraham is an ignorant buffoon? What a shocker!

  20. 20
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    Even better, she posed as Washington. Apparently it was her funny book, Of Thee I Zing. Get it?

  21. 21
    NotMax says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Have mentioned previously how the recipe for a cake Martha Washington was known for starts out.: Take 40 eggs and divide the whites from the yolks and beat them to a froth. Then work 4 pounds of butter to a cream….

    Those were the days. :)

  22. 22
    efgoldman says:

    I’d be speechless, except who could tell in this format.

    I guess I’m typeless


  23. 23
    Mnemosyne says:

    I saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 again tonight. It’s definitely all about Peter Quill coming to terms with his father, and that’s not a spoiler since Kurt Russell shows up in the trailer and announces that he’s Peter’s dad.

  24. 24
    minachica says:

    @Mnemosyne: Agree

  25. 25
    Boussinesque says:

    @Marcopolo: that was bloody awesome, thanks for sharing!
    Good to see the massive pushback from all quarters–more town halls like this, please!

  26. 26
    TenguPhule says:

    @Adam L Silverman: More like, “Hold My Pants!”

  27. 27
    Eljai says:

    As a liberal, I believe in due process. As a woman, this story deeply disturbs me. There are cases too numerous to mention of men who kill women and then make stupid, outrageous statements as to why. But their outrageous statements then get big headlines. In the meantime, the women they killed get lost in the story. Francisca Marquinez did not deserve to die. She does not deserve to have her privacy violated after death and her son did not deserve to lose his mother. Personally, I hope the dick rots in prison.

  28. 28
    CZanne says:

    @Mnemosyne: No shit. It takes several minutes to asphyxiate someone. I smell bullshit.

    @Eljai: Yes. I sometimes wish that egregiously stupid and vicious defenses earned additional penalties, on the lines of “if you’re going to insult the jury’s intelligence, the jury gets to punish that, too.” Which is not at all due process, but there’s a reason I’m not Empress of the Universe.

  29. 29
    hellslittlestangel says:

    Florida? The jury might be more sympathetic if he said she died choking on a gun.

  30. 30
    p.a. says:

    @NotMax: You know who was doing the work of course…

  31. 31
    aimai says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Wait–wasn’t Monticello Jefferson?

  32. 32
    Elizabelle says:

    @aimai: Yep. Monticello was Jefferson. Mount Vernon was Washington. Montpelier is James Madison.

    Neither Ingraham nor the New Orleans link can keep them straight, perhaps?

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