It Was a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

This is great:

The Trump administration this week launched a new hotline called the Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE) for people to learn more information about crimes that have been committed by undocumented immigrants.

However, the hotline was quickly flooded by pranksters who called up to report their close encounters with a different kind of “illegal alien” — namely, space aliens who fly around in saucer-shaped ships.

Fusion on Thursday asked Immigration and Customs Enforcement for a response to the people who called them to talk about space aliens, and an agency spokesperson angrily lashed out by calling everyone who participated in the prank “despicable.”

“I hope you won’t dignify this group with the attention they are seeking,” the spokesperson told Fusion. “But if you choose to do so… this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse. Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy.”

Fuck you, Nazi scum. The next President is going to have to resurrect the Allied Control Council and engage in denazification of these fucking brownshirts at ICE.






153 replies
  1. 1
    Warren Terra says:

    The post title is pretty much what I tweeted last night – the singing program The Voice wants people to call in with their auditions, and VOICE wants to hear about scary aliens, so why not accomplish two tasks at once and call the VOICE hotline with a stirring rendition of Purple People Eater?

  2. 2
    Hildebrand says:

    Live by the dumb, die by the dumb.

  3. 3
    JPL says:

    There is no stopping him, because Comey was more concerned about weakening Hillary. Now he’s stuck.

  4. 4
    Boussinesque says:

    I’m glad people are doing this–it certainly beats the hell out of having the lines flooded by people calling in to get their “official” justification for their prejudices against immigrants juiced. Feel the shame of public humiliation in the news and social media, fascist scum. It’s a poor payment for all the pain they’re enabling, but I’ll take what I can get these days.

  5. 5
    mai naem mobile says:

    I really want to call about an orange haired alien living on Pennsylvania Ave in DC but it’s an 800 number so no blocking phone number so no can do.

  6. 6

    @Warren Terra: Never see you on here anymore. Becoming a BJ regular again?

  7. 7
    TenguPhule says:

    @Warren Terra:

    so why not accomplish two tasks at once and call the VOICE hotline with a stirring rendition of Purple People Eater?

    That is sheer genius. I doff my cap to you.

  8. 8
    Jerry says:

    …Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims…

    Wait…what? How? How is flooding the phone line of a cheap political stunt obstructing and doing harm to crime victims?

  9. 9
    Spanky says:

    Also, I found it impossible to read any way but “despicable” as “dethpicable” in Daffy Duck’s voice.

    Seems fitting.

  10. 10
    amk says:

    Have the ice folks got their brown uniforms yet?

  11. 11
    divF says:

    This brings to mind the Firesign Theater’s riff on a classic public service announcment from the 60’s:

    Aliens! Every year at this time the National Space Administration requires all aliens to register. Forms are available at your local post office. Those without forms must appear, however briefly, at the administration’s astral offices on Nooker Street. Aliens! Register now!

  12. 12

    @Warren Terra: Why not “ATLiens?” Double points if you can get a friend to imitate the Chamber Brothers-sampling instrumental (bass and chorus vocals) in the background.

  13. 13
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Fuck you, Nazi scum.

    The canonical version is Nazi Punks, Fuck Off!.

  14. 14
    Baud says:

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    So was “Lock Her Up!”

    Deal with it.

  15. 15
    rm says:

    I want to report an invasion of millions of illegals, just pouring over the borders, using biological warfare and terrorism to kill millions of Americans, and they belong to no recognized Native American tribe. Horrible! This should be the next wave of calls to the Nazi Hotline.

  16. 16
    Lapassionara says:

    @divF: And so the idea for Men in Black came to be.

  17. 17
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Jerry:

    Apparently they’re expecting people to call this phone line instead of 911 if they’re the victim of a crime?

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

  18. 18
    Mnemosyne says:

    Another possible tack — call to complain that you were the victim of a crime committed by a white American, and when they say they can’t help, ask them why they’re prioritizing illegals over Americans. I thought they cared about helping crime victims, not just about illegals!

    And so on.

  19. 19
    Mike in NC says:

    So no hotline to report the unlawful activities of the Trump Crime Family?

  20. 20
    Mike J says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Apparently they’re expecting people to call this phone line instead of 911 if they’re the victim of a crime?

    0118 999 881 999 119 7253

  21. 21
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD):

    @Warren Terra: Never see you on here anymore. Becoming a BJ regular again?

    Perhaps he is inspired by the many new posters on the earlier thread! It’s great to have all this new blood, but i can’t figure out why all those newbies are pro-Wilmer and anti-Democrats. So odd….

  22. 22
    But her emails!!! says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    How are we supposed to tell whether the people who victimized us are citizens?

  23. 23
    jl says:

    I was not seeking attention of any kind. Only wanted to alert the authorities to a couple of BJ commenters who are clearly not of this earth.

  24. 24
    The Pale Scot says:

    @Mike J:
    0118 999 881 999 119 7253

    Brilliant

  25. 25
    Goku says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Love Dead Kennedys

  26. 26
    J R in WV says:

    Border Patrol wears green, it’s been a while since I was in border country, and I avoid the checkpoints, which is so easy it makes you wonder why they have immobile checkpoints at all.

    Drove into the Sulfur Springs Valley late one night, lots of blue lights around the bar/restaurant we were headed to, mostly Border Patrol. We drove along past the blue lights, then turned a 180 onto the frontage road (all these roads were 2 lane at best) and back to the bar, for dinner. We had 2,000 miles in 4 days down, and I didn’t have anything to cook at the house. The town has 20 businesses, surrounded by fields of nothing.

    Stories in the bar were all over the place, not consistent. Illegals running through the fields, trunk of the car full on bricks of money, multiple murders, half-a-dozen arrested. There were enough police cars for any of them to be true. We ate dinner, just as we were done the owner showed up, wanted to close up NOW, we said let us finish what we’re gonna pay for, took out time.

    Next day it was as if nothing had happened… so I guess the lights were, really, nothing. Border country can be odd. The Border Patrol uniforms are very like those of the WV state troopers.

  27. 27
    Goku says:

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    Pot meet kettle, you sanctimonious hypocrite

  28. 28
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @But her emails!!!: Ask for their long form birth certificates. “Excuse me, gentlemen, after you finish beating me to a pulp and stealing my wallet, could you please give me a copy of your birth certific… Ow! Fuck! Ow!”

  29. 29
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    I thought there was already a Victims of Immigrant Engagement Crime hotline, for people who got engaged to email scammers. Oh I guess that’s VOIEC.

  30. 30

    I am glad you guys are finding this funny because going after the undocumented, so called illegal aliens is just the beginning. T’s Justice department wants to be able to revoke citizenship of naturalized citizens. Check out the case being argued in the Supreme Court.

  31. 31
    Feebog says:

    Can I report the tall, shambling alien I saw on TV today. He was tinted orange, had what looked like a dead golden retriever on his head, and tiny, tiny hands. Disgusting.

  32. 32
    Goku says:

    @schrodingers_cat: We take it very seriously, but by pranking the VOICE hotline, it is being shown to be the joke that it is.

  33. 33
    different-church-lady says:

    Fuck you, Nazi scum.

    Please add this to the rotating tag lines. Thank you in advance.

  34. 34
    Gelfling 545 says:

    @Jerry: Couldn’t they just call 911 like regular folks?

  35. 35
    Mike J says:

    @The Pale Scot: Been watching Travel Man lately, so IT Crowd was near to mind.

  36. 36
    danielx says:

    Am I correct in assuming ICE claims jurisdiction anywhere in the US where alleged illegal immigrants may be?

  37. 37
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Goku: No kidding. Hello, I’d like to report a crime, the administration is using government resources to engage in stunts to spread political propaganda about high crime rates among immigrants when the opposite is true. Not to mention you know, what schrodingers_cat said.

  38. 38
    different-church-lady says:

    @Baud:

    this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse

    So was “Lock Her Up!”

    Deal with it Bring it, Motherfucker.

  39. 39
    Goku says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Btw, what case is this?

  40. 40
    Mike J says:

    @J R in WV:

    Border Patrol wears green, it’s been a while since I was in border country, and I avoid the checkpoints, which is so easy it makes you wonder why they have immobile checkpoints at all.

    The millennium bomb plotter was caught because even though the Port Angeles, WA customs check point was only open every other day, he came through on one of the days it was open.

    Also, he didn’t fly a yellow Q flag.

  41. 41

    @Steve in the ATL: He’s an LGM regular now, but I recall him frequenting this site most of the time before last year.

  42. 42
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    Schrodinger’s cat is actually here both legally and illegally, until the moment they open the wallet and look at the ID.

  43. 43
  44. 44
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I remember him. I’m taking a shot at the newbies who are obvious trolls.

  45. 45
    Goku says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Don’t joke about that dude. Seriously, not funny given the subject

  46. 46
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Goku: Huh? So you’re taking turns defending having a sense of humor about this and scolding about it?

    Oy.

    For the record I agree with the version of you who posted the comment about taking it seriously while being able to make fun of it, but not so much this other version.

  47. 47

    @Steve in the ATL: Well I only became an active commenter here around September.

  48. 48
    Kropadope says:

    this group’sThe VOICE line is a cheap publicity stunt and is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse.

    Fixded. Emphasis mine.

    Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims America’s system and traditions of justice; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy.

    Also, too

  49. 49
    randy khan says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I don’t find the VOICE line funny, but I am entirely in favor of making it useless by pranking it. It’s part of a fine tradition, dating back to the ’60s at least.

  50. 50
    cain says:

    @danielx:

    Am I correct in assuming ICE claims jurisdiction anywhere in the US where alleged illegal immigrants may be?

    Plot twist: Some of the ICE people are illegals.. NOBODY CAN BE TRUSTED

  51. 51
  52. 52
    efgoldman says:

    @mai naem mobile:

    I really want to call about an orange haired alien living on Pennsylvania Ave in DC….

    …who has invaded and clouded the minds of 60 million+ gawd fearing white people.

  53. 53

    @randy khan: That’s T’s go to tactic, when he is in a corner he reaches for xenophobia and bigotry.

  54. 54
    But her emails!!! says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Saw the case. Looks promising as even Roberts doesn’t seem to be buying the government’s crap.

    As for the joke shaming. Is there a group of people that draw lots for this sort of activity, or did you just feel the need to fill in for the troll that haunts the North Korea threads?

  55. 55
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @But her emails!!!: Everyone has a subject that is too sensitive for humor.

  56. 56

    @But her emails!!!: Why would you think I am trolling?I don’t find either VOICE or trolling of VOICE funny. I am alarmed at the rising xenophobia and bigotry.

  57. 57
    Kropadope says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

    Ok, I gotta appreciate this.

  58. 58
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): nothing wrong with being new. everything wrong with be a russian troll and/or wilmer-or-buster. thankfully, you are neither!

  59. 59
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steve in the ATL: Do we really know that?

  60. 60
    Goku says:

    Issue: Whether the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit erred by holding, in direct conflict with the U.S. Courts of Appeals for the 1st, 4th, 7th and 9th Circuits, that a naturalized American citizen can be stripped of her citizenship in a criminal proceeding based on an immaterial false statement.

    Shit. That does sound serious. They could deport any naturalized citizen they catch in a lie under oath, right? Is that correct Lawyers of Balloon Juice?

  61. 61
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Yesterday, we were speculating about having some of the resident playwrights help create some little scripts to call with. The trick is to make them sound plausible for the first 5 minutes or so and then slowly bring in the weird.

    can we add a few songs? there’s this broadway show i’m obsessed with….

  62. 62
    Goku says:

    @Kropadope: So like Ron Paul?

  63. 63
    Another Scott says:

    TheHill:

    “There is a chance that we could end up having a major, major conflict with North Korea. Absolutely,” Trump told Reuters.

    “We’d love to solve things diplomatically but it’s very difficult,” he added.

    As long as it’s not a Major Major Major Major conflict, then we should be Ok.

    Right?

    ;-)

    But Donnie said last year: “China can solve that problem with one meeting or one phone call.”.

    Donnie said Presidenting was easy?!?!

    (sigh)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  64. 64
    Kropadope says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): Yes, the first d is very important. I know it’s not part of the traditional spelling. But say it to yourself. Feel it. Fixded. Hopefully you will come to see.

  65. 65
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Some people find dark humor helpful. You don’t, it seems. Okay, but don’t assume that jokes mean that people don’t take the underlying subject seriously.

    Edited.

  66. 66
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: i’m giving him the benefit of the doubt while my russian hackers complete a detailed background check

  67. 67
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steve in the ATL: Libtard.

  68. 68
    Keith P. says:

    Next, they should start reporting “illegal Allens”

  69. 69
    Goku says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: That joke potentially crossed the line because you were talking specifically about a person being “illegal” and presumably being deported. I imagine it would be a source of anxiety for SC and that’s why I felt the joke was inappropriate
    IOW, it was too personal

  70. 70
    But her emails!!! says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I didn’t say you were trolling, I was only referencing the troll who repeatedly had to tell everyone how horrible they were for not taking war with North Korea seriously.

    I’m going to respond in the same manner. Joking about VOICE and making calls to VOICE about space aliens does not mean that people feel that this issue is not serious or that the xenophobia and bigotry it represents is funny.

  71. 71
    slag says:

    To be fair, undocumented immigrants have a long history of criminality in the US. I heard about this one group of them who illegally dumped a bunch of tea into Boston Harbor. Hang ’em high, orange leader!

  72. 72
    Kropadope says:

    @Goku: No, Ron Paul’s different because as far as anyone knows, he’s being serious. With Mnem and her friends, it’s an artful deception. With Ron Paul, it’s because he leads with his best, as one tends to do, and it’s not until the bulk of the picture is painted that the weird really comes into focus.

  73. 73
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: that what my sister calls me!

    And if I’m angry and/or drunk enough, I remind her of our relative academic and career accomplishments.

  74. 74
    Lyrebird says:

    @Goku: Nicely put. I’d also file this under “gotta laugh because if we do nothing but cry we’re not gonna get very far” and “yay people who are less at risk are doing something useful to protect others!”

    And in emergency number humor,
    @Mike J: have you seen this one? In Geneva, they changed numbers or something and people kept dialing the fire dept for directory assistance. Made a video to try and clear things up. (should note that it’s in French.)

  75. 75
    gene108 says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    What is the case?

    It is known, once they drive out the illegals, they will go after legal immigrants on visas, and then permanent residents, naturalized citizens and finally eliminate birth right citizenship.

    But shutting down the VOICE hotline with crank calls takes a tool they wanted to use to go after illegals and start the domino chain to abolishing birth right citizenship away from them.

  76. 76
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: I thought this was hilarious. Suck it, libtards!*

    *never mind that I am a libtard.

  77. 77
    craigie says:

    The next President is going to have to resurrect the Allied Control Council and engage in denazification of these fucking brownshirts at ICE.

    Maybe, but since the next President is likely to be Ivanka, maybe not.

  78. 78
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodingers_cat: The case is resolving a conflict between Circuits. The 6th Circuit opinion is almost certain to be overturned.

  79. 79

    @Jerry:
    The racist assholes running this sincerely believe that they’re helping expose the evil criminality of ‘illegal’ immigrants, and that this is a major part of the effort to stop this rising wave of swarthy violence and chaos. Racists don’t just hate the Other, they believe all kinds of provably false shit.

  80. 80
    mai naem mobile says:

    My sister knows a lady who is a clerical worker at her workplace who was a big Dolt 45 fan. My sister was friends with her on FB but didn’t discuss politics with her. Anyhoo, a few weeks ago, the lady has changed all her FB stuff to quite liberal stuff – Planned Parenthood, Save the National Parks and Save Meals on Wheels. My sister is curious as to what happened but she doesn’t want to get into politics at work. I wonder what the straw was that broke the camels back?

  81. 81

    @gene108: All that’s well and good. We have the best jokes and snark but they are in charge. An unfunny situation to say the least.

  82. 82
    M. Bouffant says:

    I called to crank the hotline today & it was too overwhelmed to take my call. Although (I KID YOU NOT!) there is a press 1 for English, oprima el dos para Español option before they tell you they’re too busy.

    I want to ask them when the “Report-a-Raghead” & “Turn-in-a-Jew/Atheist” lines start.

  83. 83
    rikyrah says:

    Verbally incontinent man-child who thinks he’s moving toy soldiers around – description of Dolt45 on Larry O tonight

  84. 84
    Another Scott says:

    WaPo:

    Despite pressure from the White House, House GOP leaders determined Thursday night that they don’t have the votes to pass a rewrite of the Affordable Care Act and will not seek to put their proposal on the floor on Friday.

    A late push to act on health care had threatened the bipartisan deal to keep the government open for one week while lawmakers crafted a longer-term spending deal. Now, lawmakers are likely to approve the spending bill when it comes to the floor Friday and keep the government open past midnight.

    The failure of GOP leaders to summon enough support for a renewed health-care push is evidence of just how difficult it is to overhaul Obamacare, despite seven years of GOP promises to repeal and replace the 2010 law. Conservatives and moderates have repeatedly clashed over what legislation should look like, most sharply over bringing down insurance premiums in exchange for sharply limiting what kind of coverage is required to be offered.

    Well done, callers! They haven’t beaten us yet thanks to you!!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  85. 85
    Goku says:

    If Birthright Citizen were repealed, what would replace it? What would citizenship be based upon? It couldn’t be race, right? That shit will not fly

  86. 86
    efgoldman says:

    @randy khan:

    I don’t find the VOICE line funny, but I am entirely in favor of making it useless by pranking it.

    The concept is about as funny as the Nazi and Soviet systems of everybody turn everybody else in.
    The response is hysterical.
    Like similar responses to on line petitions and polls that the Peach Pustule’s minions have put on line.
    What the fuck did they think was gonna’ happen?
    Oh, wait. Like their boss, they don’t do “think.”

    Fuckem

  87. 87

    BTW let me just clarify I am all for people using humor and making crank calls to the hotline. I am not in that place myself. That’s all. So carry on.

  88. 88
    Another Scott says:

    @mai naem mobile: Interesting, and good news.

    It could have been almost anything. Donnie broke 64 promises in his first month.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  89. 89
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodingers_cat: I am horrified by this new world. I side-eye my fellow white people even though I live in a city that went over 70% for Clinton. OTOH, mockery is a defense and a weapon. I reserve the right to use it as I feel necessary. You can continue to disagree. I respect that.

  90. 90
    Goku says:

    @Another Scott:

    fascists and cryptofascists have repeatedly clashed over what legislation should look like, most sharply over bringing down insurance premiums in exchange for sharply limiting what kind of coverage is required to be offered.

    Fixed!

    Awesome news!

  91. 91
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Goku: It can’t be “repealed.”

  92. 92
    M. Bouffant says:

    @mai naem mobile: Possibly that Trump never campaigned on (or, actually, against,) those issues. She may have been taken aback once reality hit her in the face.

    Also: This country is in sad shape when Planned Parenthood (other than the anti-abortion/contraception maniacs opposed to it, therefore making it “liberal”) Saving Our National Parks & Meals on Wheels are considered “liberal”. Well, common sense is “liberal”.

  93. 93
    Goku says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: whoops. I guess they would rather jus sanguinis would be the standard for birthright citizenship

  94. 94
    efgoldman says:

    @Goku:

    a naturalized American citizen can be stripped of her citizenship in a criminal proceeding based on an immaterial false statement.

    I’m pretty sure (without looking) that said false statement occurred somewhere in the applying for naturalized citizen process, not, for instance, for lying on a mortgage application, or telling the traffic court you were only doing 54 mph.

  95. 95
    lamh36 says:

    This is a real tweet from KKKLannity…I refuse to link to him…instead I linked to my reaction…

    @seanhannity
    .@LouDobbs: “[@POTUS] has done more than any president…certainly in the last half century, in the first 98 days of his presidency.”

  96. 96
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodingers_cat: I have said this before, but I will do it again. Are you okay? I like you, and I want you to be well. Do you need to talk to someone? A friend? A pro? You do worry me.

  97. 97
    randy khan says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    I get that. Sorry (actually sorry) if I annoyed you with my response.

  98. 98
    Kropadope says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: The Constitution could be reamended. That seems like a big lift, though.

  99. 99
    seaboogie says:

    @Steve in the ATL:

    but i can’t figure out why all those newbies are pro-Wilmer and anti-Democrats.

    Perhaps you or someone else could explain the *Wilmer* references I keep seeing – the meaning eludes me, and Google doesn’t help – I just get info on the gent who was on “That 70’s Show”. Thanks.

    ETA – I get that the reference is to Sanders, but not why this moniker.

  100. 100
    raven says:

    @Kropadope: More likely reamed. Good night.

  101. 101
  102. 102
    lamh36 says:

    @politico
    #BREAKING: House delays Obamacare vote, denying Trump 100-day win http://politi.co/2oRsEof

  103. 103
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Goku: birthright citizenship is granted by the Constitution and thus would require a constitutional amendment to change. That ain’t gonna happen!

  104. 104
    efgoldman says:

    @Frankensteinbeck:

    Racists don’t just hate the Other, they believe all kinds of provably false shit.

    And the fewer of “the other” they know in their own lives, the more racist they are.
    If all they know is LeBron James, Denzel Wahington and a gauzy portrait of MLK, the WWC is scared shitless of black people.

  105. 105
    Mnemosyne says:

    @But her emails!!!:

    How are we supposed to tell whether the people who victimized us are citizens?

    We can’t. That’s why we should report all crimes to this hotline and let them figure out the immigration status of the criminals. That’s what they set it up for, right?

  106. 106
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @seaboogie: no idea why the name Wilmer was chosen; I wasn’t around the night it happened. It’s useful, though, as it really does reduce the incidence of trolls.

  107. 107
    Goku says:

    @Goku: Ignore this statement.

    If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

  108. 108
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steve in the ATL: Krope posits that it could be “reamended.”

  109. 109
    Goku says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

  110. 110
    M. Bouffant says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I’m sure a law redefining Americans as only those who are descended from, say, two generations of U.S.-born citizens can be passed w/o interfering w/ that pesky 14th Amendment, as long as there are enough scared assholes on the Supreme Court.

  111. 111
    seaboogie says:

    I love all the projection on this – from folks who are in fact doing something mean and despicable calling out the zestfully imaginative ones who treat it with all the seriousness it deserves. The humor on the right seems to be universally mean-spirited and vicious, while the left can get wonderfully and subversively clever, irreverant and silly. Good on us!

  112. 112
    Mnemosyne says:

    @schrodingers_cat:

    Also, pranking the hotline and clogging it up with useless calls wastes their time and makes it harder for them to persecute people.

    Doing it in a funny way is just a bonus.

  113. 113
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: are you sure? the post i saw was all about pie….

  114. 114
  115. 115
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @M. Bouffant: Nope.

  116. 116
    Percysowner says:

    @efgoldman: Nope! Supreme Court Justice Roberts asked ”

    “Some time ago, outside the statute of limitations, I drove 60 miles an hour in a 55-mile-an-hour zone,” the chief justice said, adding that he had not been caught.

    The form that people seeking American citizenship must complete, he added, asks whether the applicant had ever committed a criminal offense, however minor, even if there was no arrest.

    “If I answer that question no, 20 years after I was naturalized as a citizen, you can knock on my door and say, ‘Guess what, you’re not an American citizen after all’?” Chief Justice Roberts asked.

    Robert A. Parker, a Justice Department lawyer, said the offense had to be disclosed. Chief Justice Roberts seemed shocked. “Oh, come on,” he said.

    They are literally looking for ANY way to void citizenship of naturalized citizens to the point where frickin Justice Roberts thinks it’s ridiculous.

  117. 117
    Another Scott says:

    @seaboogie: The Origin of Wilmer Thread.

    (He’s a character in the Maltese Falcon. A different name was picked to try to avoid trolls who apparently have a “Google Alert” set up.)

    HTH.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  118. 118
    Felonius Monk says:

    @rikyrah:

    Verbally incontinent man-child who thinks he’s moving toy soldiers around

    I was watching that — LMAO! Rick Wilson can really get going sometimes.

  119. 119
    efgoldman says:

    @Goku:

    If enough state house were under GOP control, then the 14th amendment could be amended at least

    2/3 of each house being in favor before it even goes to the states? Nope.

  120. 120
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Percysowner: The majority of Circuits that have addressed the issue have made sense, Odds are the that the Court will do the same.

  121. 121
    Barbara says:

    @efgoldman: In the case argued before the Court I think the appellant lied about facts that were pertinent to her husband’s potential asylum status. Hence, they were immaterial to her own status.

  122. 122
    M. Bouffant says:

    @Percysowner: Speeding, per se, isn’t a criminal offense. (Otherwise every speeder would be arrested & marched off to jail instead of getting a ticket.) As long as you pay the ticket or show up in court to contest it (& pay then if you lose) it doesn’t go on any “permanent record”, just your DMV record. Which it eventually falls off.

    Doesn’t say much for Justice Roberts’ legal acuity, does it?

  123. 123
    Goku says:

    @M. Bouffant: All that matters is that Roberts is on some level appalled by the idea of stripping legal immigrants of citizenship for lying on a form from several years prior. It helps that immigrants as a group commit less crimes than native born Americans do

  124. 124
    seaboogie says:

    @Another Scott: Thanks for letting me into the club. Pretty genius idea – hope I didn’t scotch it with that other name in my request for info. Also like your new nym – how did you come up with that? (I keed, I keed….)

  125. 125
    Mike Toreno says:

    What you want to do is, call out a recognized space alien ethnicity (Daxonite, White Martian, Green Martian, whatever), and say they live across the street from you and they pushed their trash bin out to the curb 2 days ago and it got picked up yesterday morning and they haven’t pushed it back yet.

  126. 126
    Mnemosyne says:

    @M. Bouffant:

    I have a vague memory that there was a case where the US was trying to deport someone because he had speeding tickets, but I’m too lazy to Google it.

  127. 127
    BBA says:

    @danielx: 8 USC 1357 gives them the power of arrest anywhere, but the power to make warrantless searches only “within a reasonable distance” of the border.

  128. 128
    Mnemosyne says:

    @BBA:

    Didn’t they recently try to claim that all airports count as part of the US border, so they should be allowed to patrol nearby?

    I assume that’s because they’re sick of having to drive around in the desert and want closer places to buy donuts from.

  129. 129
    Warren Terra says:

    @Butthurt Jordan Trombone (fka XTPD): I don’t get into the Balloon Juice comments so much these days; I still read the posts, but often only once a day. I’ve found I greatly prefer threaded comments, and between LGM and Twitter (and real life) haven’t been in here so much.

  130. 130
    efgoldman says:

    @BBA:

    but the power to make warrantless searches only “within a reasonable distance” of the border.

    Hey 1500 miles is “reasonable”, innit?

  131. 131
    Percysowner says:

    @M. Bouffant: Justice Roberts was positing a totally ridiculous scenario and the person defending the removal of citizenship took it and ran with it saying that Yes indeed, not disclosing speeding would permit the government to revoke citizenship. I may not like the way Justice Roberts rules most of the time, but in this case the point was made and the complete batshittery of the side advocating denaturalization was fully on display.

  132. 132
    efgoldman says:

    @Warren Terra:

    between LGM and Twitter (and real life) haven’t been in here so much.

    Who authorized you to have a “real life”? I want the names and signed, notarized forms, no photocopies.

  133. 133
    Thru the Looking Glass... says:

    Perhaps we need a special hotline…

    SHIT – Special Hotline (for) Intel (on) Trump?

  134. 134
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Warren Terra:

    I’ve found I greatly prefer threaded comments

    You are dead to me. Good day, sir!

  135. 135
    M. Bouffant says:

    @Thru the Looking Glass…: Maybe Trump needs some Special High-Intensity Training, since he’s learning on the job.

  136. 136
    Thru the Looking Glass... says:

    @M. Bouffant: Indeed…

    Who can we get to lead the training?

  137. 137
    Raoul says:

    I have reason to believe Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me may have a moment or two this weekend about ‘VOICE’ prankers.

    And how could the Trump admin not have expected this pranking? Oh, right, they’re idiots (and idiot nazis).

  138. 138
    Beautifulplummage says:

    @Thru the Looking Glass…: and the # is just 1 digit off from the “ET” one.

  139. 139
  140. 140
    Tenar Arha says:

    @Mnemosyne: I was going to say some short flyweight Irish punk in Brooklyn fought me in an alleyway in 1941, breaking my nose with a trash can lid, but yours works too. ;)

  141. 141
    seaboogie says:

    @Mike Toreno: Thank you – I did indeed laugh – out loud!

  142. 142
    Thru the Looking Glass... says:

    @Beautifulplummage: Or perhaps somehow has ‘666’ worked into…

  143. 143
    Mike G says:

    Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE)

    The same acronym could stand for Victims Of Immigration and Customs Enforcement

  144. 144
    sukabi says:

    @Gelfling 545: the line isn’t for reporting a crime, it’s so the victims have a way of tracking the whereabouts of the person who victimized them…and their families….but mostly it’s for gathering propaganda material to further scare the whites and justify their anti immigrant policies.

  145. 145
    nightranger says:

    @But her emails!!!: Always happy to hear from my fans.

    Meanwhile, what’s his face, Maskirovka slips bans the handle and IP and leaves some hilarious comment sounding like he thnks he is accomplishing something. Apparently he knows about as much about WordPress as he does about international espionage or anything else.

    Also to the know nothing morons who comment about my ‘tell’. I say whatever I want whenever I want however I want. I am not trying to hide anything. But thanks for the laugh like you think you are some sort of expert at spotting a posters ‘tell’…lol. My Dog some of you people are seriously thick.

    See you soon with another handle and another IP. I’ve got an endless supply. Apparently Mr. Maskirovka slips has no clue how any of that works. I am happy to continue to waste his time on his little jihad against me because I called him out on his BS.

  146. 146
    Chet Murthy says:

    @schrodingers_cat: s_c, I appreciate how you might be feeling right now. For myself, I just don’t want to leave my safe little city here in CA. I clutch the Castro around me like a safety blanket. I view every immigrant I meet, esp. those (like yesterday in Chinatown) who can’t speak English so well, as a fellow defender. These are difficult times.

    But Vaclav Havel (I think) once pointed out that the way a tyrant is finally defeated, is that people stop taking his utterances and dictates seriously. The day comes,and a shopkeeper puts a sign in his window deriding the tyrant, and nothing happens to that shopkeeper. And every person who walks by the shop, knows that the tyrant is toothless. B/c if he wasn’t, that shopkeeper would be hanging by his thumbs in some gulag. And voila! the tyranny ends. Yea, that’s a little utopian. But the POINT of laughing and LAUGHING PUBLICLY and with great derision, is to show EVERYBODY that the tyrant isn’t being taken seriously. It allows everybody to know that they’re not alone. And when enough people start to laugh at the tyrant, …. he’s done.

    There’s a reason that the Egyptian Jon Stewart (Bassem Youssef?) got persecuted by the Sisi regime. Tyrants all know the can’t allow themselves to be made to look ridiculous.

    So please, don’t think that when people laugh at Lord Smallgloves., they’re making light of the situatoin. Quite to the contrary, they’re taking it VERY, VERY seriously. They’re laughing at it, b/c it’s too important for tears. Tears aren’t enough. Tears will convince nobody.

    ETA: this is why I think that EVERY late-night comic that viciously attacks (with jokes!) Lord Dampnut should get a medal. When Colbert just -laces- -into- Smallgloves, he’s doing us all a solid. Every day that he can do that, and still show up on TV the next night, is as much as advertising that we still live in a democracy.

  147. 147
    Chet Murthy says:

    @efgoldman: An Article V convention requires 2/3 of state leges

    I emember reading that this is part of why state lege elections are so critical right now (not that they shouldn’t be important already, but) — if the Rs can get enough state houses, they can a convention, and then …. well, all hell breaks loose . If they control 3/4 of state houses, they can pass any amendments they want.

  148. 148
    Thru the Looking Glass... says:

    @Chet Murthy: Yup…

    I can’t imagine they’re NOT aiming for that…

  149. 149
    Steeplejack says:

    @Another Scott:

    The use of Wilmer here as an anti-troll measure has no demonstrable connection with the character in The Maltese Falcon. That suggestion was made only by one of the trolls. It might just as easily refer to Wilmer Valderrama from That ’70s Show (and now NCIS). Or it could just be a funny name.

  150. 150
    qwerty42 says:

    hahahahaha
    I appreciate that many (most?) don’t swallow this hokum. But for the ones who do … Geeze, life in the 21st Century must be a hell … not like the wonderful days of the 50’s and 60’s, when we had Ike and JFK. And they were f*ing CHILDREN! Because we also had Korea (still?), Suez, Hungary, and that little thing most in the US are unaware of: ” the overthrow of the democratically elected Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddegh” by the CIA and British Intelligence. And Brown v Board of Education. What next? Viet Nam, Cambodia, “Bring the war home” and all.

    And now they’re a-skeer’d of then furriners?

    I certainly don’t agree with him politically, but Tom Nichols spent a lot of yesterday with TrumpCult

    And we are not even 100 days in …

  151. 151
    NobodySpecial says:

    @nightranger: Claiming not to care while radiating enough butthurt to be seen from space? Claiming to be a free speaker when you keep changing your name and IP? Whatevs, dude. Enjoy Vladdy Daddy’s nickels.

  152. 152
    Lurking Canadian says:

    @M. Bouffant: You aren’t thinking big enough. The 14th is written in the present tense. Clearly The Framers intended to grant citizenship only to born Americans who were alive at the time it was written.

  153. 153
    nightranger says:

    @NobodySpecial: ??? I would be happy to keep my handle and IP since day 1 and never change it. That has never been my choice. Apparently you lack any understanding whatsoever of how it works. How old are you to be using words like “butthurt”?

    Hey Mr. Maskirovka slips. How come this handle and IP is still working? Get off your a s s and ban it already. That’s an order. I am anxious to move on to the next one.

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