The lady friend (she’s actually ok with you all knowing her name as she has quite a web presence and has commented on one of the posts about her, but I just like saying the lady friend and pissing you all off when I get the chance) left this morning early, and I had two missions to complete. I had to pick up four antique chippendale chairs for her, and I had to get a corner cupboard for me. So I grabbed Gerald and we fired up the trusty Subaru, programmed google maps to get us to Cheswick, and off we went to the NE side of Pittsburgh.
Pro-tip: The tunnels at Pittsburgh suck around rush hour. Learning experience.
Right around then, the lady friend called from the road and informed me she could not find her wallet. She had had it this morning, and I knew she got gas first thing, so I asked her how she bought gas. Turns out she left her wallet on the top of the car at the gas station in Washington, PA. Four hours away from where she currently was. She told me she has only lost her wallet once in her entire life, and my first thought was “Ha- the tractor beam of comic error that is my life already has her in its grasp.”
So to figure out where she got gas (she had no idea because why would she know the name of a damned gas station in the middle of nowhere), I told her to go online and look at her debit card info, and then she looked it up and called the gas station. The person working did not speak English and she sounded really pissed and irritated, so I had her text me the number, I would call, and then after we picked up the chairs, I would drive the to Washington and see if they had it.
Called them up, and he REALLY did not speak English very well. AT ALL. He just kept saying “come tomorrow the girl who was working will be here,” which, for obvious reasons, was not satisfactory. I asked to speak to his boss, and he told me has no boss. It took me a while to realize he meant he had no manager, so I asked him “If someone were to rob you, who would you call.”
He replied… “police.”
This is a reminder that just because someone doesn’t speak English, it doesn’t mean they are a moron. I then asked him “ok, after the police, who would you call” and he gave me the number. I called him, he said “oh yeah, he doesn’t speak english, I can call him.”
Got there, loaded up the corner cupboard (a steal at 150 bucks), programmed google maps to get us to McKeesport, and off we went. The guy we were buying them from had a NYC cell phone number and a British accent, and when we got to the address, and it was not a nice area. At all. Although I do think I know where to buy some drugs now. At any rate, we called him, and he said he was waiting outside, but there was no one there. Again, this was a sketchy neighborhood, and this was craigslist, and the chairs were 300 bucks, so I said to Gerald “maybe this is a setup and we’re about to get jacked.” That is when the guy called back and told us that we must be at the north version of that address, he is at the south version of that address, on the other side of the library. I thought DC was the only place that had that kind of fuckery, but we drove off and got to a part of the neighborhood that was WORSE.
Outside is this sketchy looking dude, barefoot, looking like a 60 year old Jeff Spicoli. And he was living in and ABANDONED CHURCH. I told Gerald I would go in and pay and we would get the chairs, and he could stay with the car because Gerald for reasons I do not know is afraid of churches. Some things are best left unasked. The guy said “oh no, you don’t want to do that” and ushered us inside and deadbolted the door after we were in. At any rate, the church was completely gutted on the inside, the flooring was nothing but 1/2″ plywood, and he had fashioned a living room in the middle and a kitchen in the corner and the whole interior was under construction and there were antiques everywhere. Got the chairs, loaded them up, and at this point we had some serious Beverly Hillbillies shit going on.
For extra flavor, I was wearing overalls. Because that’s how I roll.
Drove an hour to Washington, got to the gas station, no wallet. In fact, I think the guy was proud of the fact that he had learned the word wallet, because he said “no wallet” three times and smiled. Loaded up, drove off and… hit a Philly sized pothole and the glass in the corner cupboard shattered.
Five minutes later, the check engine light went on, and the car started missing horribly. Fortunately, if there is one person in the world to be with when a car breaks down, it is Gerald, because the guy is a fucking genius who can do anything with cars. we turned and went back a couple miles to an Advanced Auto Parts, ran a diagnostic, and most of my spark plugs had gone tits up. Bought some spark plugs and just gambled we would make it home, and if not, he would have his cousin bring tools to wherever we broke down and he would MacGuyver some shit with the new plugs.
Got home. A four hour trip turned into eight, the glass in the cupboard is shattered, my car is in need of the ER, and someone shit in the living room while I was gone and I know it was fucking Rosie.
Here’s the corner cupboard and a stark reminder that my photography skills blow:
I need a shower.
JohnO
Can’t even remember the last time I said, “You’re a good man, John Cole,” but it was a long time ago in your blogging heyday. Happy for you! The house is gorgeous, the lady seems great, and the pets of course rock totally. Enjoy your time while you have it.
Because DT is going to ruin everything.
Emma
I hope to God you intend to collect these posts into a book!
P.S. Are you related to Penelope Pitstop by any chance?
BGinCHI
This was fun.
What are we doing tomorrow?
JPL
The trip was worth it, because the cabinet is lovely.
PaulW
aren’t these road trip missions fun?
I still carry battle scars from my Florida-to-Annapolis-and-Back trip from hell in the middle of December 1986 when it RAINED in 33 degree weather to rescue my older brother’s broken-down Honda Civic Coupe that he should have sold for scrap metal to buy a freaking airline ticket to fly down for the holidays but NOOOOOO dad wanted to rescue the car so off we went, taking me as a hostage to do 90 percent of the driving without sleep and yeah I actually wrote a HORROR STORY about making that trip and I will never forgive anyone about it and in particular will never ride in a Honda ever again.
Amanda in the South Bay
Your life is more exciting in WV than my life on the Left Coast.
raven
Washington PA, home of Protect Our Nations Youth (PONY) baseball !!!
DAVID ANDERSON
You go to Quippa if you need to buy uppers. McKeesport for opioids and upper st. Clair for quality weed
Kristine
Cabinet’s lovely. So sorry about the wallet–may it turn up out of the blue.
Friends with Mad Skillz are a blessing.
gene108
I wish my life is as exciting as yours…
cbear
Meh.
Nice story, but I was expecting injuries, a new pet, a missing condiment, an Evel Knievel-type auto mishap (possibly involving a hay truck or hay field) or at least an encounter with some random asshole in a parking lot with Cole thinking murderous thoughts.
You’re slipping, John.
Major Major Major Major
Careful in the shower, Cole.
Gravenstone
As everyone dons their deerstalker caps and dives into past Twitter woman posts looking for the new voice. It’s on!
Olivia
My blood pressure went way up just reading that. The cabinet is gorgeous, you have new spark plugs that should last awhile, nobody got hurt or robbed at the church and I hope the wallet finds it’s way back. Oh, and you are a good man, John Cole.
crawdad
Buy a pick-up. Millions of rednecks can’t be wrong.
Iowa Old Lady
Yeah but, what about the wallet?
Elizabelle
No animal jumped into your car.
Hope the wallet turns up. Beautiful cabinet.
jharp
I used to travel to Pittsburgh monthly in the late 80’s to mid ’90’s. A very cool old building on one of the rivers. One Terminal Way? I think.
And the tunnels and bridges used to give me a hell of time. Extremely tricky to get around.
That said. Really dig Pittsburgh. Great city.
And like the Devonshire sandwiches there too.
Greg Ferguson
You are a hero, Cole. Worst thing for me in the same 24 was missing keys, as it happened swept up in a frenzy of paper bag gathering by housemate while I was distracted by a task equally urgent. I DO NOT LOSE KEYS – I find other peoples’. But, from the loss, I was housebound until, after garbage-sifting and other infra dig stuff, found ’em in -ye
s – one of the bags Boss manically gathered.
Need a private backup key, as the mensch insisted on the “Find Before Replace” doctrine. Maybe I should move to FL after all…
BGinCHI
@Iowa Old Lady: This is the first in a series.
Cole’s Cozy Wallet Mysteries. Volume 1: Who Shit in the Kitchen?
amk
shorter cole: everything I touch, I break.
Another Scott
Thanks for the story. Nice cabinet. I hope the wallet shows up. I’m glad things are going well with The Lady Friend™. :-)
ObOpenThread?
BBC America just showed Mirror Mirror. Kinda scary how a 1967 TV show illustrates how just a few changes can turn a system from one that searches for knowledge and the expansion of understanding into one that revels in the slaughter of billions…
Cheers,
Scott.
raven
@jharp: I wrote about my Pittsburg to Wheeling trips. No one gave a fuck.
JPL
Pretty impressive that John can recognize his dog’s shit. I would think that Lily and Rosie are close in size, so there must be something else going on.
amk
@raven: not all grouches are lovable, dood.
Neldob
Oh, very sweet cupboard! Quite an adventure! I just pruned fruit trees all day, will attack the weeds tomorrow.
BGinCHI
@amk: That fucking Oscar the Grouch, for ex.
CaseyL
Ahhh. It’s been too long since the last Epic Cole Outing. Thank you for regaling us with the latest of your Whackadoodle Adventures.
The cupboard is a beauty, and looks perfect in its corner.
Hope your ladyfriend’s wallet turns up; or, failing that, that she’s already canceled her cards and can get a replacement DL quickly.
Villago Delenda Est
This story is missing three things:
A mop
A jar of mustard
A Subaru in a field
Otherwise, typical wild-ass Cole story.
Mobil RoonieRoo
Gawd I love you Cole.
trollhattan
You have the confidence to know with certainty no single thing in life will go simply, much less as planned. Somehow that must be comforting.
? Martin
Encouraging:
Having the court care enough about how Grimm is gendered means that it matters.
? Martin
@Villago Delenda Est: Actually having a pet go missing is a fairly standard Cole subplot.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@crawdad:
They voted for Dolt45.
geg6
@DAVID ANDERSON:
Heh. There are probably only one or two people on this blog that will understand this completely. And I’m one. LOL!
Ken_L
Did the chairs have bloodstains, or do you think the rightful owner handed them over peacefully?
SiubhanDuinne
@Villago Delenda Est:
This is like the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.
Spanky
I would have thought you knew that McKeesport was, ummmm, deprecated. Guess not, even though it’s been depressed for at least 50 years. But noooo ….
Anyway, to hopefully ease a bit of your pane, if that cabinet had old wavy glass, go to http://www.restorationglass.com for a replacement.
Spanky
@geg6: I would have guessed Fox Chapel or Mt. Lebanon before USC, but what do i know anymore.
Villago Delenda Est
@? Martin: Damn knew I forgot an element…and you’ve identified it!
ET
John we love you. Especially when you bait the hook with a post title like that and then follow with that story.
? Martin
Your Deputy Director of CIA.
SiubhanDuinne
@Spanky:
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!
chopper
lol, cole, i love your life.
amk
Jeremy Corbyn’s ‘legacy’ sux already.
geg6
@Spanky:
Mt. Lebo is heroin heaven. Upper middle class junkies all over the place.
Spanky
@? Martin: She seems nice.
geg6
@raven:
I do! Got the Wheeling feeling, did ya? That’s about 30 minutes from my house.
frosty
@geg6: I reckon my son who’s currently in the Pittsburgh Police Academy is going to know all this and more pretty soon. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know the “and more”.
Now I’m freaking out thinking about it.
frosty
@geg6: Hmmm. Apparently Mt Lebo has changed somewhat since my mother grew up there in the 30s.
Yarrow
Well, at least the Subaru and corner cabinet didn’t end up in a field!
newdealfarmgrrrlll
So, I need the book. The collected Cole posts, “My Epic Life.”
geg6
@frosty:
All those places referenced are not in the city proper, but in the suburbs. That said, there are still plenty of scary neighborhoods in the city. The Hill and the North Side can still be pretty sketchy, but aren’t the hellholes they used to be. Larimer and Homewood come to mind as probably some of the worst neighborhoods. The best place to be a city cop is probably Point Breeze.
debit
Oh, honey.
I love my Subaru too (2001 Forester, almost 300k miles and still going strong) but for any furniture type adventures I stick with my Chevy Venture. Yes, it’s a mom van, but what the hell, I’m a mom. Three rows of seating if I need it and a shit ton of cargo space if I don’t. I wouldn’t have been able to move house without it.
Steve in the ATL
@DAVID ANDERSON:
Where do I get the stuff to execute a prisoner? Asking for a friend in Arizona.
geg6
@geg6:
Plus, those suburbs are all, with the exceptions of Aliquippa and McKeesport, upper middle class and, in the instance of Upper St. Clair or Fox Chapel (home of Theresa Heinz and John Kerry), extremely wealthy. They get the best drugs.
SgrAstar
You are a great boyfriend, Cole. I mean it. And the cabinet is gorgeous.
jl
Cole’s pics always have a weird fuzzy glow to them. Even the underlit ones. I assume still clearly detectable excitations in the TunchForce anywhere near the Cole residence.
So, does Cole stink and need to take a shower, or does he need to install a shower in his new palace?
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (Formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
I know I can’t be the first one who’s said this so far on this thread, but this shit is one of the big reasons I come here. Hope you find the wallet soon.
Tripod
@frosty:
What’s too painful to remember we simply choose to forget
jl
What about the girlfriend’s wallet? That still developing?
Major Major Major Major
@jl: I was wondering the same thing.
? Martin
Ha ha! Signs of victory here in OC. On Bill Maher, Darrell Issa calls for Sessions to recuse himself & a special prosecutor to investigate Trump/Russia.
Issa knows he’s in deep trouble in 2018. Now to see if we can push 3 more OC Republicans out of the GOP safe space.
Omnes Omnibus
@? Martin: Issa? Holee shit.
glory b
@geg6: As a current resident of Homewood and a previous resident of Lincoln-Lemington-Larimer, I’ll agree, but, for better or worse, if you’re not a young black male (or looking for drugs), you’ll probably be okay.
I caught a bus home from night school for four years into those neighborhoods, never an incident.
Interestingly, we lived in black neighborhoods because my father (born in the pre-civil rights era south) thought white people were okay, but couldn’t be trusted enough to live around. You never knew when they might turn on you. :)
amk
@? Martin: nah, the punk is just putting up a show.
? Martin
@Omnes Omnibus: He won his district by 2 points in 2016. His previous closest margin was 16 points. It was 20 points in 2014. He’s now in a D+7 district.
? Martin
@amk: Oh, of course he is. But he’s not exactly trying to win over Trump voters with that stance, and he’s now breaking from the party line. That means he can be pushed on other legislation, and it means he’s scared shitless.
Omnes Omnibus
@? Martin: Cool.
NotMax
So, the beginning of a typical weekend. :)
SiubhanDuinne
Nu?
glory b
@geg6: Squirrel Hill!
stinger
YOUR LIFE — oh my lord.
Ruckus
JC, I still think your day has been better than my week. I still haven’t heard one of you snarling jackals taking responsibility for giving me the flu. A couple of positive notes, it gave me the week off of work and now when I cough I don’t actually hack up a piece of lung.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym
I admit it. I’m Cole’s new girlfriend.
danielx
@crawdad:
It’s true – was thinking about a used Explorer, but actually a used F-150 (two wheel drive) seems more practical.
ETA: this is classic Cole, sans an ER trip.
Ruckus
@Omnes Omnibus:
It may not be all that hard to see the light in CA, what with 70% of the vote turning out democratic. That is of course very close, getting statistically close to the magic moron minimum 27%
Lizzy L
@? Martin: I clicked to see what you were talking about, read the headline, said Fuck No Never Gonna Read That Not In A Million Years, and clicked back.
OTOH, thanks for the link to the Slate article about the Grimm case. Made me smile. So, one out of two, not bad.
Ruckus
@? Martin:
Issa scared shitless? For that to happen the entire Pacific would have to turn brown, what with him being so full of shit.
Omnes Omnibus
@Ruckus: But that is counting the votes of women and minorities. What are the numbers among real Americans?
Mike J
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym: If you’re expecting a Spartacus scene here, I think you’re going to be waiting a while.
Omnes Omnibus
@Mike J: Not it.
stinger
@Tissue Thin Pseudonym: I am The Ladyfriend. Or Spartacus, can’t remember which.
Barbara
My brother used to harvest stained glass from has been churches in the has been corners of Pittsburgh, to be refurbished and resold without religious imagery. You were in what I refer to generally as East Pittsburgh. I canvassed those sketchy places in 2004 for John Kerry. They aren’t that bad!
Omnes Omnibus
@Barbara: Most places aren’t that bad. Except the ones that are.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Barbara:
Well, 2004 was before the eight-year hellscape of Obama.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): Good point.
danielx
Just because, and because music like this (as far as I’m concerned) is a large fuck-you to Trump and all his ilk:
Little Queenie
Charlie’s good tonight, innit he?
? Martin
@Barbara:
Look, Cole is accustomed to the more refined tastes of West Virginia.
Steeplejack (tablet)
Watching snippets of Trump’s speech at CPAC today, and even after the experience of the last month I’m stunned at how much he lies about every fucking thing.
And his trademark index-finger-and-thumb O gesture is driving me nuts.
randal sexton
As a long time lurker on this beeloggy thingy, I love this stuff.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): We have to ride this out. I don’t watch news programs anymore.
NotMax
From the ‘So you think you had a bad day’ files, there’s this.
Caveat before clicking: Rather gruesome.
Steeplejack (tablet)
Rachel Maddow is driving me nuts too. Her show should be eight minutes long.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): See my previous comment to you.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Omnes Omnibus:
Yeah, I know. I never watched those shows, got into a slight habit during the campaign and now can’t stop myself from looking in for a few minutes now and then. Caught me in the lull before Perry Mason tonight.
Another Scott
@stinger: Hello The Ladyfriend.
Don’t be a stranger!
Cheers,
Scott.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@NotMax:
Thanks for the tip earlier today about That Man from Rio. I love that movie! Saw it in high school, and it was my gateway drug to the wonderland of French cinema. It has been almost impossible to find on DVD, and I look forward to watching it Sunday and recording it.
? Martin
@Steeplejack (tablet): He’s always done both of those things.
I have to say, I’m really take back by the response to Obama in NYC today. When I lived there you might get a couple of people excited to see someone, but mostly you were just irritated that they were screwing up your carefully time walk to make your train. You saw famous people all the time – it was no big deal.
So either NYers have changed a lot, or (what I suspect) is that they are so overwhelmed with embarrassment that Trump is the emissary from the city that they are desperate for any kind of show of appreciation for someone who isn’t an absolute shithead.
I’ll admit to at least a little bit of vested interest in seeing Kamala Harris become our next president, because CA has only contributed Nixon and Reagan, and that shit is embarrassing. NY had 6 previous presidents including both Roosevelts, so they’re represented on Mt Rushmore. I like Gillibrand a lot, but CA deserves some redemption here.
max
Miss out on a few days and damn, Cole’s gone and hisself a girlfriend.
Time to short the market!
max
[‘Congrats, guy!’]
Villago Delenda Est
@stinger: Welcome, and thank you SO MUCH for your photo skills, you have a flair for indoor photography that is light years beyond what Cole is able to do.
So, rate the animal companions. Do be sure to rate Steve high. He’s been known to login and post catty remarks…
? Martin
@Steeplejack (tablet): Maddow is great for Dems that are just now paying attention and becoming active because her long explanations really help those individuals understand all that’s going on. My wife and daughter love watching her for that reason.
EricNNY
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
Only one window shattered.
You taught a refugee some English rather than shooting him.
Win/win.
? Martin
@Villago Delenda Est:
Well, to be honest so do most convenience store security cameras.
Mike in NC
Well, that is a damn fine looking cupboard.
Mary G
@? Martin: I was so happy that Darrell was the first to turn his coat. Indivisible San Diego has been all over his ass and my frequent calls, faxes and letters to the editor may have been a bit of help.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Omnes Omnibus:
Archer block on FXX now.
Omnes Omnibus
@EricNNY:
Win.
Villago Delenda Est
@Steeplejack (tablet): The other day, riding back home with one of my weekly dinner companions, we were talking about Trump’s ridiculous press conference and I misplaced it in time, thinking it happened a couple weeks back. It was only a week ago yesterday. Time flies when you’re having SO MUCH FUN. Then TODAY happened with the flags and all the sheer idiocy of CPAC.
Donald has no ability to tell truth or even get remotely close to it. 20 million people newly covered with health insurance is slightly more than “a few”, for example.
rikyrah
Cole, you are hilarious. you are good people. your adventures are so funny.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): Oh dear. I can’t get sucked into that.
Mary G
@stinger: I guess lady friend is a step up from filly. You got a good guy there.
The cupboard is gorgeous.
? Martin
@Mary G: We’re taking him out. You’ll have a better grasp of the Dem to back in that district. Let me know and I’ll start throwing money at them.
With the market being up, I’ve decided to take my tainted profits and put them all into good causes. Ms Martin is a little irritated by that, but I think she understands. It’s not like we’re poor.
NotMax
@Omnes Omnibus
Season 8 scheduled to begin April 5.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Omnes Omnibus:
A mere four episodes—three, now. Wafer thin.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): I am there.
ETA: I will watch this one and then go to bed.
frosty
John Cole: You can write one hellava story. Thanks for this. The broken glass is classic.
You’ve done wonders with the house. Hope you and Twitter Woman have a good time together. You deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way.
Villago Delenda Est
@? Martin: WIN
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Omnes Omnibus:
An eminently reasonable plan.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): You know as well as I do how this will end. But it is a good plan.
NotMax
@Steeplejack
Enjoy it.
Vaguely similar in sensibility, have you ever seen La Chèvre? The original with Pierre Richard and Gérard Depardieu, not the horrendous American remake.
Omnes Omnibus
@stinger: One is skeptical. Someone else has already claimed the role. The fact that he is a MN women’s hockey fan makes his argument less than convincing. If you really are the LadyFriend, no offense intended.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@NotMax:
I saw La Chèvre when it first came out, not since then.
Steeplejack (tablet)
@Omnes Omnibus:
I think stinger was doing the whole Spartacus thing.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steeplejack (tablet): So do I. But I was hedging my bets.
Yarrow
@Steeplejack (tablet): Her show could be however long it is (an hour?) but she could cut by 3/4 the amount of filler in each story. Then she could cover far more stories in a much more effective manner. I can’t watch her because of how long she takes to get to even the beginning of the point.
Taylor
What this story is missing is, while you’re in the “abandoned” church picking up the cabinet, the priest walks in, looks around, and asks, Where is everything?
ABCConcepts
I am so sorry you had such a terrible day! The rough parts of Pittsburgh sound absolutely terrifying, even for a former military man such as yourself. Don’t worry, dearest. I will handle all future Craig’s List pickups (an arrangement that comes with the added bonus of any stuff we buy making it home intact).
On the plus side, it sounds like you are getting plenty of wear out of your overalls, which is definitely a good thing because every single pair is headed to the same place that horrifying Grateful Dead “art” I uncovered the other day. And I don’t even want to know WTF all the “naked mopping” references in the comments are about. Seriously. Ignorance is bliss.
You are lucky to have readers at all, let alone ones who are smart, funny, and obviously care about you very much even though you lack all basic social skills, have highly questionable taste in paint colors, and can’t take a decent photo to save your life. In all seriousness, this community is a testament to the fact that you are, despite your best efforts to hide the fact, an incredible person. I am lucky.
P.S. I adore you, but if you continue to refer to me as “the lady friend” you will find yourself looking for a new one.
XO ABC
efgoldman
@ABCConcepts:
As somebody who’s been married almost 40 years, let me say that this sounds like a lot… more… than a “new” relationship.
How long was he keeping you secret from us?
We warned him, but does he listen to us? Nooooo!
NotMax
Bad coding. Re-try.
@ABC Concepts
And now it’s unanimous.
(FYI: If it’s the same piece we’re referencing, and I believe it is, was done by a former primarily trollish commenter. On commission, IIRC.)
Jerzy Russian
@ABCConcepts: I am glad that Al Gore invented the internet so that you two could find each other.
NotMax
@efgoldman
Or maybe move in and send him to live with debit?
;)
Yarrow
@NotMax: When he got it, Cole swore it would always hang over his sofa in his living room. We haven’t been treated to a photo of it for awhile. I wonder if he’ll hang it in the living room in his new house. Perhaps Ladyfriend with Good Taste will have some input.
The Lodger
@newdealfarmgrrrlll: Didn’t read through, but I believe that’s “My Epic Fucking Life.”
Jerzy Russian
@ABCConcepts:
It is said that Mr. Cole does not read his own blog, so you might want to transmit that message via other means, just in case.
sharl
@Yarrow: I remember that commissioned artwork; here it is. (From this post – scroll down a bit; IIRC it also popped up in a couple other posts.)
efgoldman
@sharl:
Gawd, that IS awful.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Jerzy Russian: I hear the Cole reads Twitter.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@efgoldman:
Perfect match for the “artist”.
Yarrow
@sharl: Ah, yes! That’s it! And from the post, about the piece itself:
So now there’s The Ladyfriend, wonder what will happen…
MaryRC
Holy cow that is a nice-looking cabinet. Love the beading. So it was all worth it, right?
efgoldman
@Yarrow:
You’re kidding, right? Or never been married, one.
Calming Influence
“For extra flavor, I was wearing overalls. Because I’m from West Virginia.”
Fixed that for ya.
John, this new mystery woman has you driving around picking up chairs from drug dens. Have us commenters ever made you drive around picking up chairs from drug dens? No!
Your place is here on the internet, John. Not out in the real world with sketchy women leading you in to lord knows what kinds of big city degredations.
Tissue Thin Pseudonym
@?BillinGlendaleCA: She could send him an email. In all caps. That always goes over well.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Calming Influence: You left out the “I am not a stalker” part at the end.
HinTN
@efgoldman:
True, dat
sharl
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
Hahaha, good ol’ Spatula…among other nyms. I just had to track down one of my favorites, the Levenson post where – under the nom d’asshole “Ted & Hellen” – he basically accused NASA of scientific fraud for artificially colorizing their images of space (stars, galaxies & whatnot). And he took on all the commenters who came at him over that; quite the persistent cuss! Great way to bring in the 2013 New Year.
IMO one good thing is it inspired Tom to do a follow-up post the next day which was pretty interesting. Of course, good ol’ T&H was a persistent idiot in comments there as well.
Good times…good times.
jl
@? Martin:
” On Bill Maher, Darrell Issa calls for Sessions to recuse himself & a special prosecutor to investigate Trump/Russia.
Issa knows he’s in deep trouble in 2018. Now to see if we can push 3 more OC Republicans out of the GOP safe space. ”
Nice to hear. That is what fear can do to people who really have no principles except delivering the goods to whoever pays them the most.
We need to see how many we can turn out of office in 2019, and how many more we can scare the crap out of over the midterms in the meantime to limit the damage.
BTW, news on the Trump Russian connection moving so fast and furious, looks like the late night posters are delayed trying to keep up.
Russian MP accused of treason for slipping Cohen the sellout deal,,, no I am sorry that is fake news, I mean the ‘peace plan’ is spilling the beans. Looks like he feels he really needs a really good plea deal.
Jerzy Russian
@sharl: As an astronomer, I thought that whole thing of his about NASA and the color levels was among the stupidest things I have ever seen here.
sharl
@Jerzy Russian:
Yep, I ended up feeling the same way. It’s my nature to try to understand someone else’s thinking that I find inscrutable upon first encounter. But at a certain point I just threw in the towel there. It’s been too long, but probably a variation of the line from Stan Ridgway’s song started playing in my head: (he’s) on a wavelength far from home. Takes all kinds I guess, or…something.
mai naem mobile
@ABCConcepts: hey,Niagara Lady*,there’s a Balloon Juice lexicon on the menu that I am pretty sure covers Nekkid Mopping. Also,covers ‘hiding the mustard.’
* I use Niagara Lady from the other day because you don’t like “Lady Friend” and “Twitter Friend” sounds Tinderish to me.
Chet Murthy
@? Martin: Re: news shows, I wish there were a way I could underwrite -just- Dr. Maddow and Chris Hayes.
Dr. Maddow so clearly has deep knowledge in many areas, and *cares* about knowledge and expertise. She is able to educate her viewers on subjects that are NOT simple, without losing them (at least, it seems to me). Which is quite stunning. But I think it gets better from there: she’s an excellent interviewer. I saw her on “Trumps’ 30 Days” (or something like that, with Brian Williams and Chris Matthews). And she just -shone- in her ability to interview the guests they had on — so much better than those two stuffed shirts. It was stark, how much better of an actual news-person she was.
And then, today, for the first time, I watched Chris Hayes. AndI noticed something about him. I watched a buncha days’ worth of his show (online). Numerous times, he had a man and a woman in an interview. Almost invariably, the woman was in-person, the man was remote. Invariably, the woman was asked a question first. Invariably, he didn’t interrupt the woman, and gave her equal time to the man. Because that is SO FRICKEN RARE, I really, really noticed it. I like that Dr. Maddow brings on lots of women, too. but to see that from a man (well, sure, soft bigotry of low expectations, whatever).
All that said, the clear -glee- Dr. Maddow takes in the details of the stories she presents, the obvious thrill she exhibits in digging up obscure 20/30-year-old details to add background and color, are all amazing. She makes the news come alive, and without dumbing it down. If I had kids, I’d want them watching her show.
Mnemosyne
@sharl:
That troll led to my (so far) one and only banhammering here, when I said something particularly personal and nasty that led Cole to put me in the cooler. I deserved it, but I also don’t regret it. They put you in the box, and then you feel shame, you know? But then you get out.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Mnemosyne: You’re in good company, I think Amir got a timeout too.
opiejeanne
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Amir??? No way! He’s so nice all of the time, even to people who don’t deserve it that I find it hard to believe. He must have been mightily provoked.
Barbara
@? Martin: I don’t like describing neighborhoods as sketchy. Back to 2004, I canvassed in Braddock and spoke with so many nice people in those neighborhoods. As I was getting ready to leave, I saw a woman walking towards a door I had knocked on and left some brochures. As I started towards her to talk to her, I realized that she was being followed by a man and that she was dressed as if she was coming back from a night working as a stripper or maybe even a prostitute. I would have talked to her but I didn’t like the idea of talking to someone who might have been her pimp. I always try to remember that even in the sketchiest neighborhoods at least 90% of the people living there are good people trying hard to get by.
delosgatos
It started out so upbeat, until we got to “I had two missions to complete”.
Jane2
@ABCConcepts: Thank heavens we will soon never see “overalls” again. Even if he is from WV.
Theodore Wirth
“I need a shower.”
After reading about this adventure, so do I John Cole.
Thank you for your hard work.
Ol Froth
Pro tip….if coming into Pittsburgh from WV during rush hour, AVOID THE PARKWAY AND THE TUNNELS!!! Head north on 79 to 65 south, and hit town that way, especially if you’re going up Rt 28 to Cheswick. Wave as you drive by my place in Emsworth. You do have the harrowing three lane cross over to the exit in less than a 1/4 mile to get from 65 to 28 where the Ft. Duquesne Bridge is, but at that time of day, all the traffic is going the other way, so its doable.