A Question For Mitch, Paul And Friends

Sopan Deb tweeted out a truly illuminating passage of the thoughts of our would-be dear leader, AKA the Mangled Apricot Hellbeast.






Every Republican leader — and especially all those facing the voters this fall — should be compelled to explain how all this adds up to a commander who could be trusted with a push broom, much less the nuclear codes.

Image: Marie Lobrichon Timoléon, Une Surprise 1891.

87 replies
  1. 1
    BGinCHI says:

    So, Trump thinks that if you don’t say what you are going to do on TV or in the papers, the enemy can’t see you?

    He’s like a toddler hiding behind his hand.

  2. 2
    jonas says:

    Trump’s foreign policy = Llap Goch

    “It is an ANCIENT Welsh ART based on a BRILLIANTLY simple I-D-E-A, which is a SECRET. The best form of DEFENCE is ATTACK (Clausewitz) and the most VITAL element of ATTACK is SURPRISE (Oscar HAMMERstein). Therefore, the BEST way to protect yourself AGAINST any ASSAILANT is to ATTACK him before he attacks YOU… Or BETTER… BEFORE the THOUGHT of doing so has EVEN OCCURRED TO HIM!!! SO YOU MAY BE ABLE TO RENDER YOUR ASSAILANT UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE he is EVEN aware of your very existence!”

  3. 3

    @BGinCHI: He thinks like my cat, although my cat is 100 times better looking than Frump.

  4. 4
    SiubhanDuinne, liberal mob enforcer bitch says:

    “We’ll be attacking at 3 noon.” What does that mean? What does that even mean?

    (Also, do not let Omnes see that picture.)

  5. 5
    ET says:

    I don’t expect presidential candidates to be so erudite that no one with less than 3 advanced degrees can understand, but I think I have too many degrees to understand his verbal diarrhea and I only have a masters in library science.

  6. 6
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:


    So, Trump thinks that if you don’t say what you are going to do on TV or in the papers, the enemy can’t see you?

    He’s like a toddler hiding behind his hand.

    That’s it exactly. IANAMD, but I really think he’s dementing. And the pace seems to be increasing. Where’s amygdala, who could weigh in?

  7. 7
    scav says:

    Something has really gotten into the water. Ron Paul saying Jill Stein is more libertarian than Gary Johnson; Michael Reagan with his own twitter-storm telling Trump to get thee behind me. It’s somehow a high-speed Ugolino and Ruggieri as depicted on the Simpsons.

  8. 8
    Ben Cisco says:

    Clearly, not talking on TV = our troops have the Invisible Cloak of Invisibility. Clearly.

    Simple concept (such as it is) from a simpleton, with the backing of similarly gifted simpletons – who vote.

    Can’t reach them, can’t change them, but we had damned well better outnumber them come November.

  9. 9
    Mai.naem.mobile says:

    Remember the body double stories about Hillary? If Trump wins,they’re going to have to put on the movie “Dave” in real life. And if he loses,Ivanka will have to get a body double to do an epic concession speech.

  10. 10
    jl says:

    So, we should have taken all of the oil so there wouldn’t be any left for ISIS?

    So, I can see President Trump thumping the desk yelling at the stupid generals, geologists, and petroleum engineers, ‘Look when I say take all the oil, I mean ALL the oil. What are you people, dummies?’

  11. 11
    Hungry Joe says:

    What makes you believe that Trump could be trusted with a push broom? However, to give him SOME credit, I think that “3 noon” sounds pretty cool. It’s kind of like “the twelfth of Never.” I may be using it a lot:

    “When will you be home from tennis?”
    “Around 3 noon.”

    “When are you going to take out the trash?”
    “By 3 noon, I promise.”

    I suspect my wife is going to get tired of this real fast. By 3 noon, at the latest.

  12. 12
    sigaba says:


    I have too many degrees to understand his verbal diarrhea and I only have a masters in library science.

    Verbal Diarrhea I believe is around RC869.99.

  13. 13
    catclub says:


    So, Trump thinks that if you don’t say what you are going to do on TV or in the papers, the enemy can’t see you?

    One reason for knowing where your towel is: The Hideous bugblatter beast of Traal. If you cover your head with a towel, you cannot see it, and the beast therefore believes that it cannot see you. Then you can get away.

    Douglas Adams is still missed.

  14. 14

    @SiubhanDuinne, liberal mob enforcer bitch:
    He saw news that allies are closing in on Mosul, and in his spiteful toddler brain he interpreted that as publicly announcing exactly when we’re going to attack. He then compared this to his real estate history of lying and evasion, and decided that ever saying anything must be a terrible policy and he can use this to attack Hillary and Obama.

  15. 15
    Mike E says:

    @srv: what, yer cut&paste broke?

  16. 16
    Daulnay says:

    Of course she promises no boots on the ground. And of course, we already have boots on the ground. Of course she knows you don’t telegraph what you’re going to do — only an unsophisticated, unlettered idiot would think otherwise. The Republicans nominated a hate-fueled moron, and it’s going to wreck the party. Too bad they deserve it, for serving up hate for so many years — democracy needs a loyal opposition.

  17. 17
    sigaba says:

    Quoth the Reagan, Nevermore…

    Michael Reagan @ReaganWorld

    No way do I or would my father support this garbage.Trump on Clinton: ‘I don’t even think she’s loyal to Bill’ http://politi.co/2cKeCxR

    Getting a Point with Trump where I just don’t give a shit… https://twitter.com/TheLawMuse/status/782813604789755904

    Jane Wyman was my mother but I can tell u that Nancy would vote for Hillary and was appalled to hear people say he reminds them of RR. https://twitter.com/Yupik_Eskimos/status/782812338365816833

  18. 18
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @Hungry Joe: She may get tired of it, but she’s much too polite to shout “will you shut the fuck up with the 3 noon already?”

    I have to record an impersonation of Secretary Clinton tonight. Can anyone recommend the best listening material. By which I mean the most conversational speaking voice? I need to listen and practice!

  19. 19
    🌷 Martin says:

    Everything Trump knows about being Commander in Chief he learned from watching Patton. Not kidding – even down to the PTSD = weak thing.

  20. 20
    Daulnay says:

    I thought you were joking. Ron Paul endorsed Jill Stein? This is the craziest election ever!

  21. 21
    GregB says:

    Didn’t that moron Eisenhower tip his hand to the German’s by announcing D-Day? Total disaster.

  22. 22
    sigaba says:

    I thought I had enough cheese around here to not get moderated for a little essbomb every now and then…

  23. 23
    BGinCHI says:

    @🌷 Martin: Time to roll out the Mad Magazine “Put On” parody…..

  24. 24
    🌷 Martin says:

    This is how you do it, people:

    California SEP. 23-29 Ipsos
    787 LV
    Clinton +40

    When you can’t even pull 27%…

  25. 25
    David S says:

    So Trump is so ill-informed that he just now found out about the long-planned and widely discussed forthcoming attack on Mosul?

    Wall Street Journal

    Stars and Stripes

    Informed Comment

  26. 26
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @SiubhanDuinne, liberal mob enforcer bitch: Yes, that picture is a crime against humanity. I need to go to my bed and hide under the covers.

  27. 27
    scav says:

    The country is confused. In terms of even the divide in our country, we have such divide, and really divides. We have many different forms of divides, so there’s a lot of confusion.

    We’ve cornered the market on divides! What a nation.

    Funny too that this President that announces everything, all the attacks, everything about all the attacks, such an incompetent loser, managed to take out bin Laden during a certain Correspondents Dinner. (sneaky multi-tasker. Must be all those divides, having a brain that can focus on multiple things. Sad.)

  28. 28
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @jl: “Here, I even brought a can!”

  29. 29
    amk says:

    Breaking news: English just hung itself.

  30. 30
    Humdog says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: I figure the painting is actually a portrait of Omnes. Many young boys were dressed in skirts and the child in blue looks to have just then developed a life long fear of clowns. O O

  31. 31
    RaflW says:

    So, if it is possible to parse his crap syntax, he’s opening the door for a ground war with US troops in Iraq, or some other field of engagement, against ISIS?

    No wonder he won’t talk more specifically about his ISIS plans. No one* would vote for the toxically moldering yam if this were acknowledged.

    *OK, armchair generals who have no living relatives or friends of military service age might.

  32. 32
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Humdog: Clowns frighten all right thinking people, Trump frightens me.

  33. 33

    For today’s random nitpicky Balloon Juice trivia, the child in blue is most likely a girl, as back when kids worse skirts blue was a girl’s color!

  34. 34
    SiubhanDuinne, liberal mob enforcer bitch says:


    Breaking news: English just hung itself.

    It’s hanged.

  35. 35
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @RaflW: Silly liberal. He’s going to send the troops into the Iraq, they’ll take the oil, no more ISIS. QED!

  36. 36

    Almost the entire conservative base believes that ground invasions, and basically conquering, everyone who looks at us funny is the only rational foreign policy.

    EDIT – I guess that’s not 100% true. There’s a big contingent that believes if you bomb the enemy hard enough, maybe with nukes, you won’t even have to ground invade. The brown hordes will turn and run once they taste cold steel. Being willing to invade if the bombing isn’t immediately effective is pretty obviously wise to those folks.

  37. 37
    bystander says:


    @Humdog: Clowns frighten all right thinking people…

    So does a jack-in-the-box that looks like an angry red dog penis.

  38. 38

    @Pest Bog Mummy, Frakensteinbeck: They want an Empire, but want other people’s children to be the foot soldiers of the Empire.

  39. 39
    sukabi says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: bring it back in their duffel bags, or loaded on pallets?

  40. 40
    Peale says:

    @RaflW: The fact that they think there might be a sneak attack is reason enough for them to flee the city. What we should have been doing is saying “Mosul? Who cares about Mosul. You can have that shitty bedbug ridden cheap hotel of a town. We want Ninevah.” Then as they move across the river to make sure we don’t take Ninevah, we sneak in a draw up the bridges.

  41. 41

    @schrodinger’s cat:
    I’m actually not sure of that. I’ve met some of them, and they seem to be proud to send their loved ones off to be glorious macho heroes. I think the disconnect is that they don’t believe it’s possible that their kid could die. It’s much like the gun humpers who assume they’ll win any gun fight caused by their carrying around a weapon, and accidents can’t happen.

  42. 42
    OzarkHillbilly says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: Just for the record, the only clowns I am afraid of are the ones walking around with guns.

  43. 43
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @sukabi: Duffel bags, pallets take to long to load. Remember they’d go in and in a month’s time be out with the oil. Brilliant!

  44. 44

    @Pest Bog Mummy, Frakensteinbeck:

    Almost the entire conservative base believes that ground invasions, and basically conquering, everyone who looks at us funny is the only rational foreign policy.

    I don’t think that’s entirely true. There’s an isolationist/non-interventionist wing of Conservatives who think that if we ignore the rest of the world, it will stop bothering us.

  45. 45
    Shell says:

    Should we start calling Trump “Jimmy Two Times”? Cause you know, hes constantly saying things twice.

  46. 46
    RaflW says:

    @sukabi: Nahhh, have Rosneft handle it for us. They’re nearby! The boss is a good pal of Trump’s.

  47. 47
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @efgoldman: Cole makes slaw? So that’s how he keeps the lights on here.

  48. 48
    Calouste says:

    @🌷 Martin: Romney only lost California by 23%, not by 40.

  49. 49

    @Roger Moore:
    I don’t think it’s very big. The base was damn near unanimously for Iraq until it became clear the invasion had totally fucked up and failed. After that, they were merely mostly for Iraq. I attribute isolationist noises to ‘libertarians’ who think like Trump. They like to bitch about money spent overseas, but when you ask them about any individual military situation, they’re usually mad we’re not being more violent and aggressive. Like true libertarians who care as deeply about civil liberties as economic liberties, true Republican isolationists exist, but you can only find them with a microscope.

  50. 50
    Redshift says:

    Sneak attacks always work in the movies! These generals don’t know nothing…

  51. 51
  52. 52
    Trollhattan says:

    Wrong. Wrong.

  53. 53
    patroclus says:

    USA! USA! We have the best golfers.

  54. 54
    Eric U. says:

    I have wondered if the competence of an all Democratic government isn’t changing some minds among California Republicans.

    Was there some more news about Trumps taxes?

  55. 55

    @efgoldman: Its the creepy clown doll, not the kids.

  56. 56
    🌷 Martin says:

    @David S:

    So Trump is so ill-informed that he just now found out about the long-planned and widely discussed forthcoming attack on Mosul?

    No, he’s arguing that ‘widely discussed’ is why we aren’t more effective. He still thinks its 1945, that satellites haven’t been invented, and that we are somehow evenly matched with IS without the benefit of complete air dominance.

  57. 57
    amk says:

    Fed court: mike pence, you are an idjit

  58. 58
    🌷 Martin says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Come on. It only slightly looks like the creepy clown doll is emerging from the child’s chest.

  59. 59
    Peale says:

    @efgoldman: The progression from Snooki to Drumpf in 8 years makes me think that it is possible that we are witnessing the emergence of a sister language. Future linguists will refer to what we speak as Proto-American, with two daughters – Normal and Conservative Politician. It really is an exciting time to be alive. It’s usually supposed to take 1000 years for 20% of the basic vocabulary to mutate, but Conservative Politician is evolving at breathtaking speed. At 20%, languages start to become unintelligible to each other. We are getting really close to that time.

  60. 60
    Trollhattan says:

    @🌷 Martin:
    Other thing the enormous orange carbuncle is ignoring is that threatened by overwhelming force, IS might just slink out beforehand and live to fight another day, ala the Taliban. Not the young suiciders of course, but the guys running the thing.

  61. 61
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Redshift: Now we wait until dark, and leap out of the rabbit…

  62. 62
    Sm*t Cl*de says:


    his verbal diarrhea

    That does not even reach the level of “incoherent”.
    The words are just popping out in weird concatenations like a string of anal beads got tangled inside.

  63. 63
    sukabi says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: I sense a bit of WWE oil drenched action would ensue in the transport and delivery…drumpf would likely demand all oil be turned over to him by only the most beautiful soldiers.

  64. 64
    Steeplejack (tablet) says:


    Link fixed: “Court Rejects Pence . . .”

    When you dress up a link, always overwrite the http:// prefix that FYWP provides.

  65. 65
    Eric U. says:

    I have decided that hunting for clowns in the woods is the new “snipe hunt”

    But I wouldn’t dress as a clown on a bet

  66. 66
    sukabi says:

    @🌷 Martin: he has advocated for sending couriers, not sure what he thinks about pigeons, other than they’re delicious deep fried.

  67. 67
    Steeplejack (tablet) says:


    This election is making us all crabby and snark-blind. I include myself.

  68. 68
    Baud says:


    not sure what he thinks about pigeons

    It’s been tried.

    PATHANKOT: A pigeon, apparently from across the border, was taken into custody after a letter written in Urdu and addressed to Prime Minister Narendra Modi was found with it by BSF personnel at Simbal post in Bamial sector on Sunday.

    The development comes after two balloons were recovered with a similar message in the area yesterday.

    Police said the message written on a piece of paper read: “Modi Ji, do not consider us same people as we were during 1971 (Indo-Pak war). Now each and every child is ready to fight against India.”

  69. 69
  70. 70
    SFAW says:


    Fed court: mike pence, you are an idjit

    Maybe it’s me, but in that picture, he looks somewhat like W with gray hair. I think it’s the steely-but-vacant eyes.

  71. 71
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Pest Bog Mummy, Frakensteinbeck:

    They like to bitch about money spent overseas, but when you ask them about any individual military situation, they’re usually mad we’re not being more violent and aggressive.

    I think the idea is supposed to be that if we were super-tough and wicked ruthless one time it would Send A Message that would totally get us off the hook of having to spend money overseas the next N times, because we only have to do those because we pussyfoot around. Like how the school bully doesn’t actually have to fight very often, because everyone just knows not to mess with him. This is how they think about the military and foreign policy.

  72. 72
    Steeplejack (phone) says:


    There you go. It’s affecting us on everything and erupting into non-election threads and topics.

    And the “issue” was Schrodinger’s Cat’s reaction to your joke.

  73. 73
    gene108 says:

    A Question For Mitch, Paul And Friends

    Ha…they’ve already answered it in several ways: (1) leave me alone!, (2) no comment, (3) only interested in my election, (4) only interested in maintaining control of my chamber of Congress, and (5) we got nothing to do with the guy at the top of the ticket, so back to (1) leave me alone!

  74. 74
    Wyliecoat says:

    Can we haz a “like” button, pretty please? Some of these comments are fantastic!

  75. 75
    sukabi says:


    W with gray hair. I think it’s the steely-but-vacant eyes.

    He’s got Charlie Manson eyes…. of course so does Zodiac Cruz.

  76. 76
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    I’m waiting for Adam to roll his eyes from here to Saturn on this. Lord knows that Omnes and I can probably get to the asteroid belt, but Adam’s spent more time in way up there in the cloud lands than either of us put together, and we both know what utter amateur hour horseshit this is.

  77. 77
  78. 78
    Angrifon says:

    Someone needs to ask Trump b if he’s willing to have Barron be one of those pairs of boots on the ground he seems so eager to deploy. I know the kid is only 10 now, but he should be prime military age in a few years.

  79. 79
    Steeplejack (phone) says:


    He looks like a stupid version of Robert Shaw in From Russia with Love.

  80. 80
    vtr says:

    While reading that, I forgot how to read. I forgot what words mean.

  81. 81
    sigaba says:

    @amk: I heard Trump shot the English language in Reno, just to watch him die.

    @gene108: They don’t even say THAT much, they usually just say “I didn’t see what he said.” They don’t even have the guts to claim he’s not their business, because they so desperately want to be in business with his voters.

  82. 82

    @Steeplejack (phone): I need to take the old snarkmeter for a tune up.

  83. 83

    @🌷 Martin: You are evil, now I can’t unsee it. Is it revenge for my remark about self driving cars?

  84. 84
    Eric U. says:

    The McCain and Romney campaigns broke my ability to appreciate snark. However, Trump is so ridiculous that snark is the only way to survive. However, the campaign is making me grumpy.

  85. 85
    mr_gravity says:

    So when Trump says of Hillary, “I’m not sure if she means it or not” hasn’t she effectively maintained the element of surprise?

    If I say I’m going to sucker punch you at 3 noon and it’s only 2 noon and POW!! – “Summbitch sucker punched me and it’s just 2 noon!”

    Element of surprise Cheeto!

  86. 86
    Cpl. Cam says:

    @🌷 Martin: He may be shooting for Patton but it comes off more as one part Buck Turgidson and one part George Broulard.

  87. 87
    SWMBO says:

    @Cpl. Cam: More like Buck Turgidson and Major King Kong.

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