Mai Tai Early Morning Open Thread


Have your man place, into a large cocktail shaker, a jigger each of fresh lime juice, Diplomatico aged Venezuelan rum (for the flavour), and British Navy Pusser’s rum (for the kick), along with half a jigger of Cointreau, a heaping half of orgeat and a small spoonful of brown molasses sugar. Have him add tons of ice and shake like buggery. Pour into glasses and serve in the afternoon sun with a selection of snacks and the new Ball Park Music album.

Cheers to Walter, and his new mum Debit, and especially to our blogmaster, Cole – a fine and decent man who makes the world a better place.

35 replies
  1. 1
  2. 2

    Great, I’m in moderation for mentioning the title of one of your books.

  3. 3
    craigie says:

    It’s next to a book called “Small by Design”

    Make up your mind!

  4. 4
    Bobby Thomson says:

    @Major Major Major Major: goes with the pickle index.

  5. 5

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Thanks. It does what it says on the cover.

  6. 6


    Big. Small. Bendy at the end. They’re all good. I’ve rarely met one I didn’t like.

  7. 7

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: It lets you make bets on big penises?

  8. 8

    @Major Major Major Major:

    Isn’t that how most people spend their weekends?

  9. 9
    Bluemouser says:

    So many cool items in the picture ! Is that a mouse head and an emu or ostrich sculpture on the tables?

  10. 10
    Bobby Thomson says:

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: and vibrator races.

  11. 11
    🐾BillinGlendaleCA says:

    This must be the “Balloon Juice After Dark” thread.

  12. 12

    @Bobby Thomson: And here I am, writing a server like a chump.

  13. 13


    A dozen polyesters died to make that moose head.

    And the sculpture on the table is a copy of The Grotesque Bird by Arendt van Boten from the Rijksmuseum. It has a tiny bronze penis and testicles,

  14. 14
    Calming Influence says:

    Is the book a (figuratively) big penis? Because I’ve read numerous books like that.

  15. 15
    RedDirtGirl says:

    Here, here!

  16. 16
    Bluemouser says:

    I thought the bird sculpture looked a bit… different? How cool!
    And artificial moose head the best kind

  17. 17
    Calming Influence says:


    “An artificial moose head the best kind”

    Say that to a real moose.

  18. 18
    Central Planning says:

    That color looks more like margarita to me. Anyone ever have Mai Tais from Bob Chinn’s Crab House in Wheeling, IL (north of O’Hare?) I really liked the drinks there. The crab is good too.

  19. 19
    Bluemouser says:

    @Calming Influence: oh uhm the best kind for displaying in a person’s home and not attached to the body of a living breathing moose?

  20. 20
    JR in WV says:

    I like margaritas and Mai Tais, and Gin and Tonic, and sparkling wines.

    My Doctor tells me that my liver numbers are a little high (like 4 points over standard 75, etc) – not failure high, which is numbers like 400, just a little. So cut back on the alcohol intake.

    So I have a couple of swallows of Mrs J’s glass of wine, or float a tablespoon of gin on a glass full of ice, tonic and lime juice.

    Sarah, Proud and Tall, what is this ingredient you list “orgeat” for your Mai Tai recipe? I’ve not heard of that… til now. Ahh, Google informs me, almond syrup, sounds tasty!

    Now if I could just have some FUQing alcohol~~!

    Actually I can, just not the 2-3 drinks I was running, just .7 or so. Or a glass of bubbly.

  21. 21
    evap says:

    Yum, Mai Tais… I like to make them the way the Royal Hawaiian hotel in Honolulu serves them: Use light rum for the drink, shake and pour, then float some Meyer’s dark rum on the top.

  22. 22
    different-church-lady says:

    Something I did not know about the Mai Tai until just recently: it’s well known the garnish is a lime half-shell. But I’ve been doing the presentation all wrong for years! The lime shell is supposed to be placed on top of the ice round side up, with an upright mint sprig next to it, because (and this is the key), it’s supposed to represent a desert island with a palm tree.

    I recommend Appleton Rum, because it’s a direct descendent of the J. Wray and Nephew that Trader Vic used in his original Mai Tai recipe.

  23. 23
    Joel says:

    Thinking of ditching my reel mower. My lawn is actually too small for it to run properly (can’t get enough momentum) and it cannot cut seed heads in late spring/early summer, requiring me to drag out my string trimmer to finish the job.

    Home Depot is selling a RYOBI 40V battery mower for $169 and I can pick up a battery pack/charger from ebay for $40-50 more. That’s too good to turn down, right?

  24. 24
    Clockwork Buddha says:

    Just back from Tiki Oasis 2016 and a rather extended Mai Tai *ahem* research project.

    Notes from the field – I’ve found that Curaçao works a bit better than Cointreau. Also, a bit of lime.

    The best one I had (care of George’s at the Cove in La Jolla) used rhum agricole in addition to the dark rum. But they also used a house orgeat that was probably part liquid crack.

  25. 25
    NotMax says:

    Strictly for the record, half a jigger is called a pony in mixology circles.

  26. 26
    Antonius says:

    OT, but John especially might be interested in this WV story:

  27. 27
    otto says:

    This hefty book is profusely illustrated with over 400 historic photos of spectacular male endowments, including rare photos of the legendary John Holmes. The majority of the photographs are from the 1970s, when the sexual revolution first freed photographers to depict the male entirely nude.

  28. 28
    SFAW says:

    Speaking of big pricks, I see that Deadbeat Donnie is trying to revive the standard Rethug “But-but-but Robert Byrd was in the KKK” meme. Because Hillary is the REAL bigot.

    I will be SO happy when I no longer get subjected to the crap he pukes out.

  29. 29
    Steeplejack (phone) says:


    The heart wants what it wants.

  30. 30
    Darrin Ziliak (formerly glocksman) says:

    Leaving aside politics for a minute.
    Due to battery life issues with my almost 3 year old Nexus 5, I’ve decided to take it apart and replace the battery with one from eBay that comes with tools and has a 12/2015 production date.

    Missing a few muffins and coffee at Donut Bank paid for it. :)

    I’ve done this kind of work on other phones and this one looks pretty straightforward if a bit ‘fiddly’.
    Maybe I’ll start replacing iPhone batteries next.

  31. 31
    Uncle Cosmo says:


    This must be the “Balloon Juice After Dark” thread.

    Looks more like the ubiquitous “Balloon Juice Recipes: Death to Diabetics!” page. I went into hyperglycemia halfway through the list of ingredients.

  32. 32
    Miss Bianca says:

    Wow. Just wow. May I come to brunch at your house, please?

  33. 33

    I tried the new Pusser’s Gunpowder Rum – flavor and kick, and tried various dark rums in the Hanalei Mai Tai. The subs worked great for me. More of that rum flavor.

  34. 34
    cat copeland says:

    @Major Major Major Major:
    It is NOT true that that “Big Penis Book” was the FIRST thing I saw, & I’m sticking to that story!! Thank You!!

  35. 35
    Aardvark Cheeselog says:

    I almost expressed outrage at the thought of using Diplomatico for a concoction like that, then realized who OP was.

Comments are closed.