This is not a calming song. May as well have been about clowns.
5.
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
elder-care. It keeps getting harder. The thing about 92-year-old Norwegians (my Mom) – they are every bit as stubborn as 80 year old Norwegians – just much less rational!
It’s the strangest thing. I was never a big fan of The Cranberries, but I had their debut CD from many years back (college). A couple of months ago, I listened to it over and over. In the subsequent few weeks, I’ve bought three more Cranberries CDs and two Dolores O’Riordan solo albums. This is the first time I’ve seen a Cranberries video in a couple of decades, I bet.
Had a really upsetting call from the neighborhood jerk saying that I needed to go to some committee to get permission to replace the rotting planks on my deck. I told him to stuff it.
Same guy wrote a nasty cease and desist letter about letting my dog run off leash unattended at night. They said she was getting into their trash and setting off their motion sensors. Only problem is that I have never let my dog run off leash unattended, day or night.
There is a fox den behind his house. Idiot. He also donated the Condoleeza Rice memoir to our free library stand. Double idiot.
Taking a breath is probably a good idea for me. I’m going to do some tai chi and see if I feel better.
17.
Suzanne
I am exhausted.
In better news, Spawn has had two days of melatonin and Lexapro, and she has gotten two solid nights of sleep, which hasn’t happened in a very long time. She greeted me when I got home in a ninja getup. It was hilarious.
I love Deloris O’Riordan. I saw her dance around barefoot in concert in 1996. I had trouble getting someone to go wih me because they were all studying for midterm exams. Nerds.
Wow. I’ve heard this song like a 1000 times but never seen the video. Powerful stuff.
Reminds me that the Democratic Senate Majority Leader from Maine, George Mitchell, was instrumental in bringing peace to Northern Ireland.
22.
Wag
I had forgotten how much I liked the Cranberries. A great and underrated band. Thanks!
23.
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@SarahT: you know it. Or “Uff Da!”, as we say up here in NoDak.
Today’s battle: “no, Mom, I have to keep the aspirin bottle, because I bought you a bottle of 50 tablets 12 days ago – see, Mom, I marked it on the calendar – and it’s gone! ”
(at which point I am accused of lying, making the whole thing up, etc. )
(Her two favorite activities – taking an aspirin and cleaning her false teeth – the Polident that woman goes through, cleaning her teeth 4 or 5 times a day! (they fit fine)
My PLAN was to sidestep the battle by refilling her aspirin bottle with “half-Prin” – same size tabs, half strength – she’d never know the difference – only they quit making it! –
Randomly their song Linger will get stuck in my head and linger for a few days. It happens about every five years or so.
28.
SarahT
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): Jeez. My sympathies. Similar stuff w/my Mom, but her fave activities are rearranging literally everything in her apt. & online shopping – in ALL CAPS. Uff da indeed.
29.
MattF
My theory about singers in popular music has been that they are combinations of lyricism and force; Dolores O’Riordan is the example of force.
30.
dexwood
@SarahT:
I’ll raise you one 88 year old Native American mother ( in-law ). Some of these venerable Pueblo women can give The Look.
I don’t know. Two members of the stupid HOA board told me it is considered maintenance and not to worry. I told him that and he said he was going to measure it in the morning and call the town code enforcement officer. That’s when I told him to stuff it and not to step foot in my back yard. Jeez. I know the code officer well so I’ll call him. This is a ground level deck. It’s not anything fancy.
32.
burnspbesq
If I’m reading this correctly, a total of 22 female members of the West Point class of 2016 have been accepted into the infantry and armor branchs, which were historically closed to women.
“No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable”
37.
Jay Noble
While doing some research on local 1956 history, I ran across a neat little story. Presidential election was near and article reminded people that in Nebraska, if you lived in a city/town of less than 7,000 you didn’t have to REGISTER to vote. Not. Even. Register. and. Vote.
More or less same population size now as then but now I routinely get the Voter ID memes from the frothing at the mouth locals. When the whole town knows everyone’s business how is some one going to sneak in and cast a vote?
38.
dexwood
@SarahT:
40 years my mother-in-law and she can still reduce me to a 10 year old boy at times.
39.
raven
Very very late for us. We knew David and Gillian would be wonderful and they were.
40.
jl
Just listened to a certain candidate… um… I mean political revolutionist, give an hour plus speech at a rally in OR.
He’s supposed to be running against somebody, but only mentioned her in passing twice,
He said that he wants her to join his political revolution.
The primary campaigns this year have become very odd.
41.
MattF
@raven: I went to their DC-area “Harrow and Harvest’ tour performance some years ago– At one point G and D were playing verrrry slooowly and it occured to me that if someone walked into the performance at that point, they’d have wondered just what the hell was going on.
some berniebro sealion tried to tell me and my friend that he’s a scientist so we should listen to him during a FB squabble about which candidate is better on LGBT and women’s issues. he had to be gently reminded that me and her are both scientists…
anywho, now i’m about to watch bob’s burgers right after i read the thread.
43.
AkaDad
After all these years, that song never gets old. Love her voice.
44.
Gracie10
I rarely post but I lurk every day.
Fuck April. This entire month (and the last few days of March) has been a shitshow and I’ll be glad when it’s over.
Things were gliding along nicely. My depression well-managed and my life fairly balanced until the end of March, when I was assaulted (groped) and needed to deal with a completely separate and fairly major personal crisis. Then a close friend committed suicide a couple weeks ago.
I’m going to a suicide support group. Anyone ever been to one of those? What should I expect? Any books or other resources? I know time is important but I feel like I need to be an active mourner right now.
Thanks for reading my vent.
45.
SarahT
@dexwood: LOL. Is she tiny ? The tinier they are the more trouble, in my experience
This is not a calming song. May as well have been about clowns.
I was very disappointed I couldn’t find the original video for Invisible Sun by the Police, which addresses the same topic. Not Clowns. Ireland.
48.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Christ. All I can say is hang in there – you’re doing the right thing by going to group. Keep reaching out, even to random blog people. Please.
@Omnes Omnibus: I actually think its a good song per the topic. The Bernie v. Hillary wars have been raging for a while, and like Catholicism v. Protestantism, what’s the big difference, really? But as all true believers can argue forever, so we argued. Until this past Tuesday and thank FSM the UNLIMITED VICTORY is clear. Hurray!
UNLIMITED ZOMBIE!
50.
Omnes Omnibus
@Gracie10: Reach out to anyone and any place that you can. I have never been there. I have no expertise at all in this but still… People here will help if they can – even if just reading is all we can do.
51.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Seriously – glad you de-lurked & came forward. Keep reaching out. Please.
First, thank you for reaching out to this unknown, virtual (but loving and supportive) community. What a dreadful few weeks you have had. Mourning writes its own rules, so rant, weep, curse, rage, or sit in stony dry-eyed silence, as you are moved. Please don’t try to force an emotion that doesn’t feel authentic. It will happen in its own time and in its own way. I hope you’ll accept an Internet {{{hug}}}, and I hope (and believe) happier times are ahead.
55.
trollhattan
@raven:
I can’t top that, but two nights ago saw Aimee Mann and Billy Collins.
56.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s close. Zombies are like clowns, only their make-up is even scarier.
@redshirt: I’m not frightened by them anymore. When I was a kid they terrified me. Then I felt guilty because I thought I was supposed to think they were funny and cute. I felt like I was failing something, or someone, with my inappropriate reaction. So, I’m actually kind of relieved to find out that I was not alone.
@marc: I’m developing a theory that the entirety of a person is a collection of habits. Nothing more. Your particular experiences make your habits specific to your life, and as such everyone is a unique individual.
63.
Miss Bianca
@Gracie10: Never been to a suicide support group. The only times I was ever in that dark place I had enough sense of self-preservation to hie myself straight to a therapist. One of whom really helped, and some of whom just irritated me to the point of seeking other help. Anti-depressants helped the last time around.
Sometimes…just the comfort of writing aloud to a sympathetic forum can help. : )
Not surprised by the reaction (not thrilled with some of the responses, though) since CA has been mostly on the sidelines of politics since 2008.
69.
Miss Bianca
@marc: Did Dolores O’Riordan end up singing with Solas? Or am I thinking of someone else?
I knew very little about the Cranberries – missed them mostly in their heyday – but Radio Paradise plays this one fairly frequently, and so I often find it going thru’ my head when I least expect it.
ETA: Never seen this video, now I’m having flashbacks to Belfast, touring the Troubles sites with my friend Sean, having him point out the names of all his friends and family on the wall on the West Side…
I dressed up as a clown once for a grand opening of a coffee shop in The Beaches neighborhood in Toronto. I had done their window displays and in-store merchandising, and was asked to help out for the event itself. So I did, and discovered how liberating it was to be in costume – so not myself, as I am usually fairly inhibited.
After the event, the owner drove me home, and – as we were paused at a stop-light – a fellow was crossing the cross-walk with a balloon in his hand. He saw me, came over to the car – and gave me his balloon. A very sweet moment.
@MattF: Same dif, right? We are our thoughts. Our thoughts are clearly repetitive.
76.
? Martin
@David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch: Worth noting, Costa Mesa is a bit of a mess politically. A bit conservative, bordered by a very wealthy white community (Newport Beach) on one side and a heavily latino, low income community (Santa Ana) on the other. Looks like Santa Ana turned out in force.
And pretty much nobody likes the Costa Mesa government or police, so any excuse to fuck with them will be taken.
@Mike J: I dig it. Way better than Omnes’ choice. The Clash? As Zen music? You must be very stressed.
78.
Omnes Omnibus
@seaboogie: Fuckers scare me, Just saying. I have happily jumped out of multiple perfectly good airplanes, skied and climbed tall mountains, yet clowns scare me.
79.
Miss Bianca
@Major Major Major Major: How not? This one of theirs seems particularly appropriate as both Trump and Bernie storm California…
80.
seaboogie
@Gracie10: Sorry about all that you are dealing with, and glad that you have showed up to comment. Keep posting when you need/want to – there is a lot of support, empathy and experience here.
81.
Omnes Omnibus
@redshirt: Hey, it is what works for the individual…
@Miss Bianca: Jumping out of a plane is wonderful. Or not. If you remotely entertained the the idea that it might be interesting, do it. If that never occurred to you, don’t.
86.
seaboogie
@Omnes Omnibus: I really do understand that – the mask of the disguise when you are up close and personal is very “othering”, and puts the civilian at a disadvantage.
87.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Strangely, the thought of hang-gliding appeals to me, the thought of sky-diving terrifies me. I have no idea what that signifies, if anything.
@SarahT: and dex – I second the tiny/fierce notion. My Mom is 5’1″, 100 lbs – I’m 5’8 – but she fixes those icy viking blue eyes on me, and I understand exactly how all those English monasteries got pillaged and Greenland got settled. In fact – I just realized – I have a tiny geriatric berserker on my hands!
92.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Oh, it has meaning and some PhD student will use that kind of data for her/his research.
Me, I am iffy about the hang-gliding contraptions. Parachutes have kept me alive many times.
93.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Bout to sleep but one last thought: As a longt-time lurker here you know that different people post on different schedules, but one of the best things about this place, IMHO, is that at any time, day or night, you know you’ll always find some caring, smart, and helpful people who want to listen when you want to talk. So please keep in touch. And please take care of yourself – you’re not alone.
94.
Mike J
@redshirt: I totally get The Clash as zen. Just too hard to hear one of their songs without being assaulted with a time and place. Literally the first time I ever listened to the Clash was the first time I was taught to run a mixing board. They sort of were the definition of punk (which was the definition “things can be different” (which was really important for the older brother of dying of cancer kid))). Very few bands I like more, but impossible to chill for me.
And weirdly, my choice of Massive Attack means……..something, I can actually shut off my stupid brain (and that didn’t happen until my thirties). There used to not be many bands that made that possible. I loved a band to the point of driving twelve hours to see them in a club or hated like only a sixteen year old could. I’m old now. I can actually hear a top forty song and say, “I don’t give a shit.” I don’t have to hate it and I don’t have to learn every solo.
95.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Ah, well, ’tis all theoretical for me…I think it’s that hang-gliding seems more like sailing to me, and I adore sailing…
@Mike J: Massive Attack rule. That is all. And they’re nice people. And now I’m going to pass out. G’Night to all BJers.
98.
trollhattan
@Miss Bianca:
It was a neat event, alternating poetry and music with a Q&A afterwards. Aimee’s voice is impeccable live. Didn’t think I could be even more impressed by her.
Not in Seattle are you? I will sail with any balloon-juicer, your boat or my club’s. Too busy so far this year even though we’re had a dozen perfect days.
101.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: When I went into the army, my goals were to complete Officer Candidate School and Airborne School. I did both. After that, I was just doing a job.
102.
Miss Bianca
@Mike J: Nay, alas, land-locked in CO..considering how much I love and miss large bodies of water, it sometimes seems very weird to me that I ended up here. But if ever I get back out to Seattle I will give you a shout – that would be awesome!
I kept it bookmarked, and for about a month I read it every day at work.
I’ve never been to a suicide specific support group, but I did some intensive therapy last year (Kaiser has problems, but they kick it into gear if you tell them you’re suicidal) and it helped get me through the worst of it. I’m still having depression and anxiety, but I feel like I’m able to manage them at the moment.
Best wishes.
104.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Just out of vulgar curiosity, what prompted you to go into the Army? Family tradition? My father was pushing me towards ROTC, but I was a bit too much of a hippie freak to consider it.
after a recent loss, a book that i found useful – in an extremely odd way – was “H is for Hawk” – it is peripherally about falconry, and that part is fascinating – but it is also about the mechanics of mourning, (the author’s father’s death sent her into a dangerous spiral) and her need to go to deep dark places of sorrow, and then finding one’s way back from them. Oh , I can’t explain it – but it is a great book if one is grieving. well, it’s a great book, period.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself – in whatever way you need to. Hugs
106.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Not really my concern. I wanted to and they let me. I am more proud of that badge than I am of any decoration or medal i got.
@Darkrose: I just bookmarked that myself… thanks!(?)
108.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: This asshole guy strikes me as the kind of guy who would also report you to the HOA if you didn’t replace your rotting boards! Upon further consideration, I have decided to go with asshole.
109.
Miss Bianca
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): I could have forgiven that author many things, but killing her bird and not copping to it really put the frost on that pumpkin for me. The parts about the dark places we go when we grieve were compelling indeed, however.
110.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Short answer: I wanted to do something that no one at my LAC had done. Longer answer would require personal info ….
111.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Oh, Heavens…let us not get *personal*, for all love! : )
But…LAC? Library Association of Canada? Los Angeles Clippers?
112.
Mike J
Boehner:
“I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”
Press Secretary Josh Earnest[1]
“Obviously, Speaker Boehner was speaking based on his own experience. I don’t know that he was looking to be helpful or harmful, I think he was just looking to be honest about his own view.”
[1] Whose name can be transliterated to “kidding on the square”, but is his real live honest-to-god name.
So when you are in disguise, you become free to act differently, and when you encounter even your familiars and they don’t know who you are, they are off balance. So yes, another story….
When we kids and my Dad moved to a very small town in SW Ontario, we were kind of becoming integrated into this small community through the strong family and community ties of my Dad’s girlfriend, who would soon become his wife and our beloved step-mother.
Halloween night…we have our bowl of treats, and some rube in full old-man mask and gloves and old man clothes shows up at the door. Doesn’t say a word. Dude steps into the tiny entry of our house, and starts scooping all of the candy out of the bowl. I’m all “John (my brother) this must be a friend of yours!”. Then the old man knocks on my Dad’s bedroom door (which is adjacent to the entryway), and I realize that this is Marilyn, my Dad’s girlfriend.
She doffs her costume and we all have a good laugh. A little while later a guy shows up in civilan clothes and gorilla mask and hands, and we’re all like – come on in! And that is the first time that I met Marilyn’s Uncle Tim. A year later, I was in costume with Marilyn at her best friend’s house. We just rolled right on in, sat at their kitchen table and didn’t say a word. It took them longer than you’d think to figure out who we were.
The disguise thing (even as a clown – and perhaps most especially so) is very disconcerting for those not in on the game.
@redshirt: I have not. I’d have to ask the husband.
130.
Ruckus
@Gracie10:
Sorry for all the this.
Go to the group. We all mourn in our own ways but really there aren’t that many really different ways. We all have to go through it when it happens around us. I’ll bet you’ll find companionship that makes the process easier to go through and deal with. You won’t know who it is and the person or persons may surprise you, but people will help. And surprise, you probably will end up helping someone else in some way.
Let us know how it’s going, this is a pretty diverse group and there is always someone going through problems and someone with solutions. A virtual shoulder. There for support, to cry on and to help pull you up.
ETA. This is not the same thing but something that happened to me Saturday may have some relevance. I went to a banquet for the sport I’ve participated and worked in professionally and one of the things that they do is to show pictures and names of those who have died since last years banquet. I found myself crying over about half the names. People I have known. We all mourn.
Groped? On top of the rest? Fuck it, get mad. Don’t give in to that shit. Do go to any helpful place that might be a start.
I’ll tell you, I had an old dude grope me today – well, I don’t know what other word, because touch doesn’t define it, pat, no – grab, but not that either – well wtf ever, it wasn’t invited and it pissed me off a lot. If it had involved anything but mostly my shoulder, I’d probably been guilty of what the Brits call GBH, because I’m fucking fed up with that shit.
133.
Gretchen
Gracie: suicide support group is a great idea. Good luck with that. One of my dearest friends lost his wife to suicide. He just chugged on and wouldn’t look for any help, and I thought he and his little daughter would do better if they knew others dealing with the same thing. Good luck.
@Old Dan and Little Anne: Boy, would I love to see The Cranberries (or Dolores) play live! On my list.
136.
Paul in KY
@MattF: For all: 6 more great Cranberries tunes: Salvation, Free to Decide, The Rebels, Loud & Clear, Just My Imagination, Raining in My Heart.
Cannot go wrong with any of them.
137.
Paul in KY
@Gracie10: Be strong for yourself. Go to any group you think will help you. Best wishes to you!
138.
The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion
@Gracie10: I worked as a chaplain for hospice for over a decade. The best book I’ve ever run across for people who are in mourning is one called “Companion Through the Darkness.” by Stephanie Ericsson. In that period, I lost the single person I loved most for like, ten years in a row, every year (including my little brother). It got to the point that I was scared to get close to anyone, knowing that they would die. That book was the only thing I read during that period that felt like it was written by someone in the same place I was, who could help walk me through the pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. The only way to do it wrong is to avoid or numb it, ’cause that means it follows you around for the rest of your life. Give yourself permission to be as crazy as you need to in order to survive this, and let other people love you as well as they can.
139.
Ruckus
@The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:
I’ve told this here before. Someone wrote that the first time someone they knew died was when they were in their 40s. I responded that family members had been dying since I was 10. And doing so quite regularly ever since. From grandmothers to cousins of 6 months, to siblings, parents, friends, aunts, uncles…… It changes how you look at life. It never becomes easy, all these people being gone, but it becomes a bit more, well, acceptable. It is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t feel normal, it still hurts, they are still gone. It makes you appreciate those still here more. Give them more latitude for their faults, maybe try to fix some of your own, to make the time we have a bit better.
140.
Paul in KY
@Gracie10: Hope the creep gets the max he can get.
141.
Miss Bianca
@Gracie10: Rock on. Please keep us posted and vent away as needed.. : )
142.
Rex Everything
Hmmm, feeling a bit me-here-nowie?
143.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
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redshirt
Breathing. Still! God bless.
Joel
figured you’d go with telepopmusik
Miss Bianca
That song is such a mindworm.
Omnes Omnibus
This is not a calming song. May as well have been about clowns.
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
elder-care. It keeps getting harder. The thing about 92-year-old Norwegians (my Mom) – they are every bit as stubborn as 80 year old Norwegians – just much less rational!
Mnemosyne
I should be reading history and I’m here instead. Sigh.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: The kid calls Trump a clown, clowns frighten me.
Mnemosyne
@efgoldman:
Best version on YouTube, because it includes the scene leading up to the song that explains why the character is bitter and pissed off.
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: @BillinGlendaleCA: Oblig.
redshirt
Am I the only person not frightened by clowns?
I think they’re funny, as intended.
BillinGlendaleCA
@Omnes Omnibus: ?
marc
It’s the strangest thing. I was never a big fan of The Cranberries, but I had their debut CD from many years back (college). A couple of months ago, I listened to it over and over. In the subsequent few weeks, I’ve bought three more Cranberries CDs and two Dolores O’Riordan solo albums. This is the first time I’ve seen a Cranberries video in a couple of decades, I bet.
SarahT
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): Same with 83-year-old Jewish mothers. Oy…So hard, right ?
redshirt
@srv: Maybe Mexico will pay for it?
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@efgoldman:
don’t bother, they’re here!
MomSense
Had a really upsetting call from the neighborhood jerk saying that I needed to go to some committee to get permission to replace the rotting planks on my deck. I told him to stuff it.
Same guy wrote a nasty cease and desist letter about letting my dog run off leash unattended at night. They said she was getting into their trash and setting off their motion sensors. Only problem is that I have never let my dog run off leash unattended, day or night.
There is a fox den behind his house. Idiot. He also donated the Condoleeza Rice memoir to our free library stand. Double idiot.
Taking a breath is probably a good idea for me. I’m going to do some tai chi and see if I feel better.
Suzanne
I am exhausted.
In better news, Spawn has had two days of melatonin and Lexapro, and she has gotten two solid nights of sleep, which hasn’t happened in a very long time. She greeted me when I got home in a ninja getup. It was hilarious.
MomSense
@Suzanne:
Rest! We are rooting for you and spawn. I hope the meds help.
JCJ
@redshirt:
Three lions were eating a clown. One of them stopped and asked the others, “Does this taste funny to you?”
Old Dan and Little Anne
I love Deloris O’Riordan. I saw her dance around barefoot in concert in 1996. I had trouble getting someone to go wih me because they were all studying for midterm exams. Nerds.
redshirt
Wow. I’ve heard this song like a 1000 times but never seen the video. Powerful stuff.
Reminds me that the Democratic Senate Majority Leader from Maine, George Mitchell, was instrumental in bringing peace to Northern Ireland.
Wag
I had forgotten how much I liked the Cranberries. A great and underrated band. Thanks!
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@SarahT: you know it. Or “Uff Da!”, as we say up here in NoDak.
Today’s battle: “no, Mom, I have to keep the aspirin bottle, because I bought you a bottle of 50 tablets 12 days ago – see, Mom, I marked it on the calendar – and it’s gone! ”
(at which point I am accused of lying, making the whole thing up, etc. )
(Her two favorite activities – taking an aspirin and cleaning her false teeth – the Polident that woman goes through, cleaning her teeth 4 or 5 times a day! (they fit fine)
My PLAN was to sidestep the battle by refilling her aspirin bottle with “half-Prin” – same size tabs, half strength – she’d never know the difference – only they quit making it! –
redshirt
@MomSense: That’s scary stuff. Are you still in conflict with the neighbor?
Redshift
CAPS WIN!
(Sorry, JC.)
Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)
Here’s a tune from one of my favorites: https://youtu.be/EgEKfHoLMhk
MomSense
@marc:
Randomly their song Linger will get stuck in my head and linger for a few days. It happens about every five years or so.
SarahT
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): Jeez. My sympathies. Similar stuff w/my Mom, but her fave activities are rearranging literally everything in her apt. & online shopping – in ALL CAPS. Uff da indeed.
MattF
My theory about singers in popular music has been that they are combinations of lyricism and force; Dolores O’Riordan is the example of force.
dexwood
@SarahT:
I’ll raise you one 88 year old Native American mother ( in-law ). Some of these venerable Pueblo women can give The Look.
MomSense
@redshirt:
I don’t know. Two members of the stupid HOA board told me it is considered maintenance and not to worry. I told him that and he said he was going to measure it in the morning and call the town code enforcement officer. That’s when I told him to stuff it and not to step foot in my back yard. Jeez. I know the code officer well so I’ll call him. This is a ground level deck. It’s not anything fancy.
burnspbesq
If I’m reading this correctly, a total of 22 female members of the West Point class of 2016 have been accepted into the infantry and armor branchs, which were historically closed to women.
Very cool.
http://www.kgw.com/mb/news/nation-now/army-picks-first-female-infantry-officer/158549897
redshirt
@MomSense: You’re in an HOA? All common sense rules are off. I’m surprised such things exist in Maine.
SarahT
@dexwood: I believe you !
MomSense
@redshirt:
I wish I had known how dumb they are!
Anne Laurie
@Omnes Omnibus: I am so stealing that!
Terry Pratchett on clowns:
Jay Noble
While doing some research on local 1956 history, I ran across a neat little story. Presidential election was near and article reminded people that in Nebraska, if you lived in a city/town of less than 7,000 you didn’t have to REGISTER to vote. Not. Even. Register. and. Vote.
More or less same population size now as then but now I routinely get the Voter ID memes from the frothing at the mouth locals. When the whole town knows everyone’s business how is some one going to sneak in and cast a vote?
dexwood
@SarahT:
40 years my mother-in-law and she can still reduce me to a 10 year old boy at times.
raven
Very very late for us. We knew David and Gillian would be wonderful and they were.
jl
Just listened to a certain candidate… um… I mean political revolutionist, give an hour plus speech at a rally in OR.
He’s supposed to be running against somebody, but only mentioned her in passing twice,
He said that he wants her to join his political revolution.
The primary campaigns this year have become very odd.
MattF
@raven: I went to their DC-area “Harrow and Harvest’ tour performance some years ago– At one point G and D were playing verrrry slooowly and it occured to me that if someone walked into the performance at that point, they’d have wondered just what the hell was going on.
G and D are great, period.
Major Major Major Major
some berniebro sealion tried to tell me and my friend that he’s a scientist so we should listen to him during a FB squabble about which candidate is better on LGBT and women’s issues. he had to be gently reminded that me and her are both scientists…
anywho, now i’m about to watch bob’s burgers right after i read the thread.
AkaDad
After all these years, that song never gets old. Love her voice.
Gracie10
I rarely post but I lurk every day.
Fuck April. This entire month (and the last few days of March) has been a shitshow and I’ll be glad when it’s over.
Things were gliding along nicely. My depression well-managed and my life fairly balanced until the end of March, when I was assaulted (groped) and needed to deal with a completely separate and fairly major personal crisis. Then a close friend committed suicide a couple weeks ago.
I’m going to a suicide support group. Anyone ever been to one of those? What should I expect? Any books or other resources? I know time is important but I feel like I need to be an active mourner right now.
Thanks for reading my vent.
SarahT
@dexwood: LOL. Is she tiny ? The tinier they are the more trouble, in my experience
redshirt
@Gracie10: No, but I think you know what to expect.
Mourn as you should.
Hold on to what is important to you.
Mike J
@Omnes Omnibus:
I was very disappointed I couldn’t find the original video for Invisible Sun by the Police, which addresses the same topic. Not Clowns. Ireland.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Christ. All I can say is hang in there – you’re doing the right thing by going to group. Keep reaching out, even to random blog people. Please.
redshirt
@Omnes Omnibus: I actually think its a good song per the topic. The Bernie v. Hillary wars have been raging for a while, and like Catholicism v. Protestantism, what’s the big difference, really? But as all true believers can argue forever, so we argued. Until this past Tuesday and thank FSM the UNLIMITED VICTORY is clear. Hurray!
UNLIMITED ZOMBIE!
Omnes Omnibus
@Gracie10: Reach out to anyone and any place that you can. I have never been there. I have no expertise at all in this but still… People here will help if they can – even if just reading is all we can do.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Seriously – glad you de-lurked & came forward. Keep reaching out. Please.
redshirt
@Mike J: Are clowns from Ireland? Or is this yet another French thing?
marc
@MomSense: It’s strange how earworms happen. And it’s often not the best song of whatever group, just the most popular.
SiubhanDuinne
@Gracie10:
First, thank you for reaching out to this unknown, virtual (but loving and supportive) community. What a dreadful few weeks you have had. Mourning writes its own rules, so rant, weep, curse, rage, or sit in stony dry-eyed silence, as you are moved. Please don’t try to force an emotion that doesn’t feel authentic. It will happen in its own time and in its own way. I hope you’ll accept an Internet {{{hug}}}, and I hope (and believe) happier times are ahead.
trollhattan
@raven:
I can’t top that, but two nights ago saw Aimee Mann and Billy Collins.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s close. Zombies are like clowns, only their make-up is even scarier.
@redshirt: I’m not frightened by them anymore. When I was a kid they terrified me. Then I felt guilty because I thought I was supposed to think they were funny and cute. I felt like I was failing something, or someone, with my inappropriate reaction. So, I’m actually kind of relieved to find out that I was not alone.
redshirt
@Omnes Omnibus: What’s your zen music?
Miss Bianca
@trollhattan: oooh, Aimee Mann…one of my favorite songwriters. Up there with Gillian, actually, in my humble estimation.
seaboogie
@Suzanne: Hang in there – you are a great Mom!
Major Major Major Major
@Suzanne: Hope things keep looking better. Glad to hear you’re getting some respite :)
@Gracie10: Ah, shit, man, that’s awful. I don’t have any answers to your questions, but don’t forget that there’s no ‘right way’ to mourn.
Omnes Omnibus
@redshirt: This. I can disappear into it.
redshirt
@marc: I’m developing a theory that the entirety of a person is a collection of habits. Nothing more. Your particular experiences make your habits specific to your life, and as such everyone is a unique individual.
Miss Bianca
@Gracie10: Never been to a suicide support group. The only times I was ever in that dark place I had enough sense of self-preservation to hie myself straight to a therapist. One of whom really helped, and some of whom just irritated me to the point of seeking other help. Anti-depressants helped the last time around.
Sometimes…just the comfort of writing aloud to a sympathetic forum can help. : )
Hope that *this* helps. Luck and peace to you.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: I like Hauschka (and my Hauschka station on Pandora) for that.
James E Powell
@redshirt:
Always loved the clowns.
MattF
@redshirt: Well, thinking of it as a ‘repertoire’ rather than a collection of habits, and I might agree.
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
RIOT!
Protesters try to overturn Costa Mesa patrol car outside Trump rally (Photo)
Live video feed of riot (Link)
? Martin
In case people were wondering, yes, Trump has come to CA..
Not surprised by the reaction (not thrilled with some of the responses, though) since CA has been mostly on the sidelines of politics since 2008.
Miss Bianca
@marc: Did Dolores O’Riordan end up singing with Solas? Or am I thinking of someone else?
I knew very little about the Cranberries – missed them mostly in their heyday – but Radio Paradise plays this one fairly frequently, and so I often find it going thru’ my head when I least expect it.
ETA: Never seen this video, now I’m having flashbacks to Belfast, touring the Troubles sites with my friend Sean, having him point out the names of all his friends and family on the wall on the West Side…
Major Major Major Major
@Miss Bianca: I love Solas!
seaboogie
@Omnes Omnibus:
I dressed up as a clown once for a grand opening of a coffee shop in The Beaches neighborhood in Toronto. I had done their window displays and in-store merchandising, and was asked to help out for the event itself. So I did, and discovered how liberating it was to be in costume – so not myself, as I am usually fairly inhibited.
After the event, the owner drove me home, and – as we were paused at a stop-light – a fellow was crossing the cross-walk with a balloon in his hand. He saw me, came over to the car – and gave me his balloon. A very sweet moment.
Mike J
@redshirt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_pg29keUCU
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
Via LGF (photos of the riot).
Cleveland, here we come!
MattF
@David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch: Oy. Are we going to get torchlight parades?
redshirt
@MattF: Same dif, right? We are our thoughts. Our thoughts are clearly repetitive.
? Martin
@David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch: Worth noting, Costa Mesa is a bit of a mess politically. A bit conservative, bordered by a very wealthy white community (Newport Beach) on one side and a heavily latino, low income community (Santa Ana) on the other. Looks like Santa Ana turned out in force.
And pretty much nobody likes the Costa Mesa government or police, so any excuse to fuck with them will be taken.
redshirt
@Mike J: I dig it. Way better than Omnes’ choice. The Clash? As Zen music? You must be very stressed.
Omnes Omnibus
@seaboogie: Fuckers scare me, Just saying. I have happily jumped out of multiple perfectly good airplanes, skied and climbed tall mountains, yet clowns scare me.
Miss Bianca
@Major Major Major Major: How not? This one of theirs seems particularly appropriate as both Trump and Bernie storm California…
seaboogie
@Gracie10: Sorry about all that you are dealing with, and glad that you have showed up to comment. Keep posting when you need/want to – there is a lot of support, empathy and experience here.
Omnes Omnibus
@redshirt: Hey, it is what works for the individual…
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Still? Not just a childhood phobia?
Now me, I’d rather face clowns than jump out of airplanes, but that’s what makes horse races…so to speak…
@efgoldman: Don’t bother. They’re here.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Hauschka
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: Yeah that’s zen.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Jumping out of a plane is wonderful. Or not. If you remotely entertained the the idea that it might be interesting, do it. If that never occurred to you, don’t.
seaboogie
@Omnes Omnibus: I really do understand that – the mask of the disguise when you are up close and personal is very “othering”, and puts the civilian at a disadvantage.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Strangely, the thought of hang-gliding appeals to me, the thought of sky-diving terrifies me. I have no idea what that signifies, if anything.
Omnes Omnibus
@seaboogie: Quoi?
? Martin
@efgoldman:
Yeah, to their credit they seem to be doing a pretty good job here and avoiding the opportunities to escalate.
piratedan
@redshirt: I find this stuff to be pretty soothing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPsb8-TFaYY
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@SarahT: and dex – I second the tiny/fierce notion. My Mom is 5’1″, 100 lbs – I’m 5’8 – but she fixes those icy viking blue eyes on me, and I understand exactly how all those English monasteries got pillaged and Greenland got settled. In fact – I just realized – I have a tiny geriatric berserker on my hands!
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Oh, it has meaning and some PhD student will use that kind of data for her/his research.
Me, I am iffy about the hang-gliding contraptions. Parachutes have kept me alive many times.
SarahT
@Gracie10: Bout to sleep but one last thought: As a longt-time lurker here you know that different people post on different schedules, but one of the best things about this place, IMHO, is that at any time, day or night, you know you’ll always find some caring, smart, and helpful people who want to listen when you want to talk. So please keep in touch. And please take care of yourself – you’re not alone.
Mike J
@redshirt: I totally get The Clash as zen. Just too hard to hear one of their songs without being assaulted with a time and place. Literally the first time I ever listened to the Clash was the first time I was taught to run a mixing board. They sort of were the definition of punk (which was the definition “things can be different” (which was really important for the older brother of dying of cancer kid))). Very few bands I like more, but impossible to chill for me.
And weirdly, my choice of Massive Attack means……..something, I can actually shut off my stupid brain (and that didn’t happen until my thirties). There used to not be many bands that made that possible. I loved a band to the point of driving twelve hours to see them in a club or hated like only a sixteen year old could. I’m old now. I can actually hear a top forty song and say, “I don’t give a shit.” I don’t have to hate it and I don’t have to learn every solo.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Ah, well, ’tis all theoretical for me…I think it’s that hang-gliding seems more like sailing to me, and I adore sailing…
Was you a parachuter in the Army, then?
SarahT
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): Cue “Ride of the tiny old Valkeries” !
SarahT
@Mike J: Massive Attack rule. That is all. And they’re nice people. And now I’m going to pass out. G’Night to all BJers.
trollhattan
@Miss Bianca:
It was a neat event, alternating poetry and music with a Q&A afterwards. Aimee’s voice is impeccable live. Didn’t think I could be even more impressed by her.
redshirt
@Mike J: We’re all old now, brother. It’s what ultimately unites us.
Mike J
@Miss Bianca:
Not in Seattle are you? I will sail with any balloon-juicer, your boat or my club’s. Too busy so far this year even though we’re had a dozen perfect days.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: When I went into the army, my goals were to complete Officer Candidate School and Airborne School. I did both. After that, I was just doing a job.
Miss Bianca
@Mike J: Nay, alas, land-locked in CO..considering how much I love and miss large bodies of water, it sometimes seems very weird to me that I ended up here. But if ever I get back out to Seattle I will give you a shout – that would be awesome!
Darkrose
@Gracie10: I don’t know if this will help for you, but here’s something I found last year when I was suicidal that helped me:
How To Not Kill Yourself Even When Everything Sucks
I kept it bookmarked, and for about a month I read it every day at work.
I’ve never been to a suicide specific support group, but I did some intensive therapy last year (Kaiser has problems, but they kick it into gear if you tell them you’re suicidal) and it helped get me through the worst of it. I’m still having depression and anxiety, but I feel like I’m able to manage them at the moment.
Best wishes.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Just out of vulgar curiosity, what prompted you to go into the Army? Family tradition? My father was pushing me towards ROTC, but I was a bit too much of a hippie freak to consider it.
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@Gracie10:
after a recent loss, a book that i found useful – in an extremely odd way – was “H is for Hawk” – it is peripherally about falconry, and that part is fascinating – but it is also about the mechanics of mourning, (the author’s father’s death sent her into a dangerous spiral) and her need to go to deep dark places of sorrow, and then finding one’s way back from them. Oh , I can’t explain it – but it is a great book if one is grieving. well, it’s a great book, period.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself – in whatever way you need to. Hugs
Omnes Omnibus
@efgoldman: Not really my concern. I wanted to and they let me. I am more proud of that badge than I am of any decoration or medal i got.
Major Major Major Major
@Darkrose: I just bookmarked that myself… thanks!(?)
WaterGirl
@MomSense: This
assholeguy strikes me as the kind of guy who would also report you to the HOA if you didn’t replace your rotting boards! Upon further consideration, I have decided to go with asshole.Miss Bianca
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): I could have forgiven that author many things, but killing her bird and not copping to it really put the frost on that pumpkin for me. The parts about the dark places we go when we grieve were compelling indeed, however.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: Short answer: I wanted to do something that no one at my LAC had done. Longer answer would require personal info ….
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Oh, Heavens…let us not get *personal*, for all love! : )
But…LAC? Library Association of Canada? Los Angeles Clippers?
Mike J
Boehner:
Press Secretary Josh Earnest[1]
[1] Whose name can be transliterated to “kidding on the square”, but is his real live honest-to-god name.
seaboogie
@Omnes Omnibus: Merci pour le francais.
So when you are in disguise, you become free to act differently, and when you encounter even your familiars and they don’t know who you are, they are off balance. So yes, another story….
When we kids and my Dad moved to a very small town in SW Ontario, we were kind of becoming integrated into this small community through the strong family and community ties of my Dad’s girlfriend, who would soon become his wife and our beloved step-mother.
Halloween night…we have our bowl of treats, and some rube in full old-man mask and gloves and old man clothes shows up at the door. Doesn’t say a word. Dude steps into the tiny entry of our house, and starts scooping all of the candy out of the bowl. I’m all “John (my brother) this must be a friend of yours!”. Then the old man knocks on my Dad’s bedroom door (which is adjacent to the entryway), and I realize that this is Marilyn, my Dad’s girlfriend.
She doffs her costume and we all have a good laugh. A little while later a guy shows up in civilan clothes and gorilla mask and hands, and we’re all like – come on in! And that is the first time that I met Marilyn’s Uncle Tim. A year later, I was in costume with Marilyn at her best friend’s house. We just rolled right on in, sat at their kitchen table and didn’t say a word. It took them longer than you’d think to figure out who we were.
The disguise thing (even as a clown – and perhaps most especially so) is very disconcerting for those not in on the game.
Steeplejack (phone)
@Omnes Omnibus:
Archer had clowns tonight. Ngrr!
marc
@Miss Bianca: I hadn’t realized until now just how much of my “miscellaneous” music is Celtic folk. Maybe I’ll have to give Solas a listen.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss BiancaLiberal Arts College. Oddly, there is actually a point at which I go private.
Miss Bianca
@Mike J: Oh my gosh…”Josh Earnest”…
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Forgive me. My tongue does run away with me sometimes, for the sake of sportiveness.
redshirt
@efgoldman:
Hrrmm….
seaboogie
@Miss Bianca:
Is Mnem tracking this for one of her Regency novels?
Miss Bianca
@efgoldman: I know, right? Actually, I was thinking about the oddness of using that term when one is really writing…and yet…
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: It is okay. I like you. And you amuse me. No worries. I am off to bed now.
Miss Bianca
Yes, well, on that note…methinks my tongue, which seems to have aroused such sudden and unholy interest, and I had better be off to bed.
@Omnes Omnibus: Ah, two mice with but a single thought. Good night, to you and all.
Major Major Major Major
@Omnes Omnibus: Oh, well, as long as you like her and she amuses you. That’s not creepy-sounding at all.
redshirt
Has anyone here watched the show Angel?
Omnes Omnibus
@Major Major Major Major: Meh. Read the thread.
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: Hit or miss.
@Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, I know. Clowns.
redshirt
@Major Major Major Major: Have you seen the last episode?
Major Major Major Major
@redshirt: I have not. I’d have to ask the husband.
Ruckus
@Gracie10:
Sorry for all the this.
Go to the group. We all mourn in our own ways but really there aren’t that many really different ways. We all have to go through it when it happens around us. I’ll bet you’ll find companionship that makes the process easier to go through and deal with. You won’t know who it is and the person or persons may surprise you, but people will help. And surprise, you probably will end up helping someone else in some way.
Let us know how it’s going, this is a pretty diverse group and there is always someone going through problems and someone with solutions. A virtual shoulder. There for support, to cry on and to help pull you up.
ETA. This is not the same thing but something that happened to me Saturday may have some relevance. I went to a banquet for the sport I’ve participated and worked in professionally and one of the things that they do is to show pictures and names of those who have died since last years banquet. I found myself crying over about half the names. People I have known. We all mourn.
seaboogie
@Ruckus: So eloquently and aptly said, Ruckus…
SectionH
@Gracie10: You so don’t need to apologize.
Groped? On top of the rest? Fuck it, get mad. Don’t give in to that shit. Do go to any helpful place that might be a start.
I’ll tell you, I had an old dude grope me today – well, I don’t know what other word, because touch doesn’t define it, pat, no – grab, but not that either – well wtf ever, it wasn’t invited and it pissed me off a lot. If it had involved anything but mostly my shoulder, I’d probably been guilty of what the Brits call GBH, because I’m fucking fed up with that shit.
Gretchen
Gracie: suicide support group is a great idea. Good luck with that. One of my dearest friends lost his wife to suicide. He just chugged on and wouldn’t look for any help, and I thought he and his little daughter would do better if they knew others dealing with the same thing. Good luck.
Paul in KY
@reality-based (the original, not the troll): Try a 90 year old Irish woman. What they believe in their mind trumps your ‘reality’!
Paul in KY
@Old Dan and Little Anne: Boy, would I love to see The Cranberries (or Dolores) play live! On my list.
Paul in KY
@MattF: For all: 6 more great Cranberries tunes: Salvation, Free to Decide, The Rebels, Loud & Clear, Just My Imagination, Raining in My Heart.
Cannot go wrong with any of them.
Paul in KY
@Gracie10: Be strong for yourself. Go to any group you think will help you. Best wishes to you!
The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion
@Gracie10: I worked as a chaplain for hospice for over a decade. The best book I’ve ever run across for people who are in mourning is one called “Companion Through the Darkness.” by Stephanie Ericsson. In that period, I lost the single person I loved most for like, ten years in a row, every year (including my little brother). It got to the point that I was scared to get close to anyone, knowing that they would die. That book was the only thing I read during that period that felt like it was written by someone in the same place I was, who could help walk me through the pain. I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently. The only way to do it wrong is to avoid or numb it, ’cause that means it follows you around for the rest of your life. Give yourself permission to be as crazy as you need to in order to survive this, and let other people love you as well as they can.
Ruckus
@The Very Reverend Crimson Fire of Compassion:
I’ve told this here before. Someone wrote that the first time someone they knew died was when they were in their 40s. I responded that family members had been dying since I was 10. And doing so quite regularly ever since. From grandmothers to cousins of 6 months, to siblings, parents, friends, aunts, uncles…… It changes how you look at life. It never becomes easy, all these people being gone, but it becomes a bit more, well, acceptable. It is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t feel normal, it still hurts, they are still gone. It makes you appreciate those still here more. Give them more latitude for their faults, maybe try to fix some of your own, to make the time we have a bit better.
Paul in KY
@Gracie10: Hope the creep gets the max he can get.
Miss Bianca
@Gracie10: Rock on. Please keep us posted and vent away as needed.. : )
Rex Everything
Hmmm, feeling a bit me-here-nowie?
David ?Canadian Anchor Baby? Koch
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