This is in some ways great for Ted Cruz. No, scratch that. It’s great for Cruz in almost every way.
The biggest issue Ted Cruz has run into this campaign has been people refusing to accept him as a human being. They look at his flesh, that resembles ashen wood that was bloated with water, then dried into a warped version of itself. They see his terrifying Russian doll eyes. They look at his gut, that isn’t large in the way Chris Christie’s is, but heaving, as if he’s carrying an egg similar to that of a lizard in pregnancy. They hear his voice screech about ad hominem attacks and the gold standard. Even if they agree with him, they’re likely to think, “someone should put him out of his misery.”
But a potential series of sex scandals would be a gamechanger. Once people get past the horrifying mental image of Cruz removing his proboscis from his pleated jeans, they’ll realize this is more or less a human being who has normal carnal desires […]