Maybe Templeton from Charlotte’s Web?

Christ, this Republican primary just keeps getting weirder by the hour:

In case you can’t watch the video, here’s what Cruz said today about the National Enquirer story alleging that Cruz has had multiple affairs:

It is a story that quoted one source on the record: Roger Stone, Donald Trump’s chief political adviser. It is attacking my family. And what is striking is Donald’s henchman, Roger Stone, had for months been foreshadowing that this attack was coming. It’s not surprising that Donald’s tweet occurs the day before the attack comes out. And I would note that Mr. Stone is a man who has 50 years of dirty tricks behind him. He’s a man for whom a term was coined for copulating with a rodent. Well, let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

“LOLWUT” doesn’t really cover it, fellow citizens. I am positively agog.

PS: Stop saying “let me be clear,” Republicans. President Obama can pull that off. You cannot.

141 replies
  1. 1
    dedc79 says:

    Imagine the odds you could’ve gotten a year ago on a bet that the subject of “rat copulation” would come up during the Republican campaign.

  2. 2
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Someone needs to check Cruz’s genealogy and see if he has Duggar in him.

  3. 3
    Linda Featheringill says:

    LOL! Cruz actually won that one!

  4. 4
    Betty Cracker says:

    @dedc79: Or that they’d be openly discussing their junk during a debate!

  5. 5
    cokane says:

    personally i find it hard to believe, senator or no, at least six women on this planet actually fuct Cruz

  6. 6

    I knew this was coming after the DC Madam lawyer asked for some records unsealed a month or two ago… Even guessed it was Cruz.

  7. 7
    seaboogie says:

    and “Sleazy Donald” is the best he can come up with? Pshhht…that is some lame-ass material. Did appreciate having both “tweet” and “ratfvcking” in one press conference though. It’s a new era, boys and girls…

  8. 8
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Linda Featheringill: Did he? That’s not how Bible-believing Christians talk, particularly when they are in the public eye as a living witness for Christ.

  9. 9
    C. Isaac says:

    Posted in the other thread, but now here. The Donald’s response to this is pure Trumpian assholery (of which I am laughing at both of them for):

    I have no idea whether or not the cover story about Ted Cruz in this week’s issue of the National Enquirer is true or not, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it, did not know about it, and have not, as yet, read it.

    Likewise, I have nothing to do with the National Enquirer and unlike Lyin’ Ted Cruz I do not surround myself with political hacks and henchman and then pretend total innocence. Ted Cruz’s problem with the National Enquirer is his and his alone, and while they were right about O.J. Simpson, John Edwards, and many others, I certainly hope they are not right about Lyin’ Ted Cruz.

    I look forward to spending the week in Wisconsin, winning the Republican nomination and ultimately the Presidency in order to Make America Great Again.

    – Donald J. Trump

  10. 10
    cleek says:

    imma just drop this link here:

    http://theconservativetreehous.....z-affairs/

    good stuff in there.

  11. 11
    dedc79 says:

    @efgoldman:

    Are any of the Villagers still saying that the Republiklowns are the grownups in the room, and always the ones with presidential gravitas?

    FWIW, I heard one of the NPR talking heads (mara liasson, maybe?) a few days ago talking about how terrorism/national security issues usually benefit Republicans because the american people trust them more, and i was about to throw my radio against the wall. But then the talking head quickly followed that up with “But this election year things very well could be different.” I still hate the premise, but at least there was some acknowledgement of the ongoing insanity.

  12. 12
    Marc says:

    @efgoldman: I’m having a hard time keeping a straight face through all of this. When do paternity tests get included in the debates?

  13. 13
    smith says:

    Assuming, as most of us do, that the source touching off this revelation of The Thing was the Trump campaign, can anyone explain to me why now? Why not wait until closer to the convention and use it as a coup de grace if needed if Cruz was getting too close? Or, since the polls showed Trump losing in Utah, why not let loose before that primary? Or is it not in fact a calculated political move at all, but really, truly a juvenile tit for tat because of that tweet from the Cruz PAC? Is anyone really steering USS Trump, or is it just veering wildly wherever? Seems like we keep oscillating between thinking that Trump is a masterful manipulator of R politics and Trump is an impulsive and out of control frat boy.

  14. 14
    Enhanced Voting Techniques says:

    So the GOP have gone full Andrew Jackson?

  15. 15
    piratedan says:

    yes, but Hillz is untrustworthy because she used an e-mail server like her predecessors and Bill catted around and who can forget the deeper truths still hidden in Benghazi?…

    okay, I got nuttin’… if the standardbearer for the family values caucus and fuck about with impunity and be forgiven, then lets face it, these people really do have no morals or standards that they will honor and they just want to win (or in certain cases, maybe just not lose)

    I hope that these guys are embraced by the GOP and ridden into the hard wet ground where there’s nothing left but a smear, in which nothing grows for at least a generation.

  16. 16
    MattF says:

    @smith:

    Seems like we keep oscillating between thinking that Trump is a masterful manipulator of R politics and Trump is an impulsive and out of control frat boy.

    A distinction without a difference.

  17. 17
    Marc says:

    @smith: It’ll make it tough to have the NotTrump forces congeal around praiseJesus Cruz. After Rubio drops out is pretty much perfect timing; the only downside is having Cruz drop out in favor of Kasich, which seems wildly implausible.

  18. 18
    Felonius Monk says:

    VOTE FOR CARNAL CRUZ

    (paid for by the Rpublican Junk for Christ superPAC)

  19. 19
    feebog says:

    So the guy who ratfucked Ben Carson is now complaining about dirty tricks from the Trump campaign. This entire Republican nominating process has been more than any Democrat could ever imagine in their wildest dreams.

  20. 20
    sm*t cl*de says:

    @Felonius Monk:

    VOTE FOR CARNAL CRUZ

    Something something Love Boat.

  21. 21

    I’ve been offline for most of this week and I must admit that as I read this thread, I feel like I’ve stepped into bizarro world. Did things get exponentially crazier in a few days or was I just used to it before a few days off?

  22. 22
    Mnemosyne says:

    Sadly, Rule 34 dictates that, somewhere out there, Cruz/Trump slashfic has already been written. But I ain’t getting out of the boat to look for it, lest I end up like a viewpoint character in an H.P. Lovecraft story.

  23. 23
    smith says:

    @Marc: Yeah, but they still could have done it before Utah and avoided the little boost that gave to Cruz.

    @MattF: So just chalk it up to the infinite mysteries of the Republican mind, then?

  24. 24
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Roger Stone is a Nixon loyalist, to this day.

    All you need to know about Roger Fucking Stone.

  25. 25
    Raven says:

    @Iowa Old Lady: same as it ever was

  26. 26
    MattF says:

    I see… a misty haze emanating from the editorial offices and newsrooms of this country. I collect a sample and examine the constituents of the haze under a microscope. It consists of tiny droplets of WTF.

  27. 27
    RandomMonster says:

    Well, let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

    Somewhere there’s a writer for Cruz who had some blistering comeback he wrote and rewrote and rewrote into incomprehensibility (obviously playing on the term ‘rat-fucking’), but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what it was.

  28. 28
    Seebach says:

    @Major Major Major Major: That’s interesting to hear. I still find it amazing that Cruz is into adult human women, though. Shocking.

  29. 29
    Betty Cracker says:

    @cleek: OMFG!

  30. 30
    Emma says:

    @Mnemosyne: Ye gods. I just nearly upchucked my lovely lemon sole lunch.

  31. 31
    Bill says:

    PS: Stop saying “let me be clear,” Republicans. President Obama can pull that off. You cannot.

    Actually, no one can pull it off. It sounds stupid when Obama says it too, especially since it has become such a tic of his. Before Obama it was Condoleeza Rice who was always saying “Let me be very clear…” or “Let’s get one thing clear…”

  32. 32
    Seebach says:

    @cleek: The entire GOP this year is a gross ass swingers club for rich white people.

  33. 33
    dedc79 says:

    They’re calling it the Cuban Mistress Crisis. That just made my day.

  34. 34
    rikyrah says:

    Trump’s official statement about Cruz lumps him in with Edwards AND OJ.

    That’s true, unadulterated SHADE right there.

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

  35. 35
    WereBear says:

    @Mnemosyne: Yep. Talk about yer goat with a thousand young…

  36. 36
    laura says:

    Jeebus, these people.
    On the right, it’s nothing but the Handmaid’s Tale.
    And the desire for a big strong daddy.
    And the ratfkg, always the ratfkg.
    A close friend is in Portland at a Bernie rally. The place is packed to the rafters.
    I doubt Mara Liasson will get around to mentioning it.

  37. 37
    The Dangerman says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    ….or that they’d be openly discussing their junk during a debate!

    I’d love to have had the daily double action on ratfucking and package size both coming up in this campaign.

  38. 38
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @cleek: /George Takei voice “Oh my!”

  39. 39
    MattF says:

    @dedc79: Turns out, Rubio was lucky to get out when he did.

  40. 40
    bluehill says:

    If Hillary or Bernie don’t win in a landslide, this country is dumber than I currently believe it to be. The repub primary is so inane and unbelievably juvenile that at some point even the average repub voter has to think the party is the problem and Trump and Cruz are just a reflection of it. This leads me to think (hope) the House could flip as well as the Senate.

  41. 41
    David 🍁Canadian Anchor Baby🍁 Koch says:

    FREAK OUT CAGE MATCH ON CNN by Trumps spokesperson and Cruz mistress!!!

    It’s fucking hilarious (Clip)

  42. 42
    dedc79 says:

    Actually, no one can pull it off. It sounds stupid when Obama says it too, especially since it has become such a tic of his. Before Obama it was Condoleeza Rice who was always saying “Let me be very clear…” or “Let’s get one thing clear…”

    In legal writing whenever I see a draft with “To be clear” or “Clearly,” in it, I cut it. If you feel the need to say “To be clear” then you’re probably not being clear enough in the preceding sentence. And if you think a point is clear, just make the point.

  43. 43
    WereBear says:

    It’s a Gopperdammerung!

  44. 44
  45. 45
    Marc says:

    @David 🍁Canadian Anchor Baby🍁 Koch: If you made this stuff up for a script it’d be rejected as too outlandish.

  46. 46
    Oldgold says:

    Has he flatly denied it? Or, just made this messenger/ process response?

  47. 47
    David 🍁Canadian Anchor Baby🍁 Koch says:

    #CubanMissileCrisis
    #CubanMistressCrisis

  48. 48

    @dedc79: Elizabeth Warren says it too.

  49. 49
    smith says:

    @Oldgold: I.did.not.have.sex.with.those.women. Hmmmm, still needs work…

  50. 50
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Marc: “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” – Mark Twain

    Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quo.....22865.html

  51. 51
    MattF says:

    @Marc: Or too obviously a case of unconscious wish-fulfillment. So, are we all convinced this is actually happening? Or is the alarm on the bedside table about to go off…?

  52. 52
    Immanentize says:

    @dedc79: absolutely the same is true in oral argument. When a lawyer says, “clearly” I think they are probably hiding something and likely losing. I tell students to never use clearly or plainly. Ever.

  53. 53
    Immanentize says:

    @Iowa Old Lady: that is her inner law professor speaking.

  54. 54
    Yutsano says:

    @efgoldman: Grandpa Walnuts has a really good Democratic opponent this time around plus Arizonans are rightfully PISSED at the Maricopa county voting mishegas. We could see a VERY different Senate next term.

  55. 55
    C. Isaac says:

    So… today I had a family member that I primarily knew from my childhood pass.

    That was kinda rough.

    Then this happened.

    I really needed to laugh. Often times it was you good folks that helped that along.

    Thank you.

  56. 56
    David 🍁Canadian Anchor Baby🍁 Koch says:

    Meanwhile:

    Gallup Poll — March 24 — President Obama Rating

    Approve…………..52%
    Disapprove……..45%

    But, but…… Tango!

    But, but……. baseball game!

    **

    **

    NBC/WSJ Poll – March 2016 — Trump Rating

    Women Only:

    Approve…………21%
    Disapprove…….70%

    47 percent of Republican female primary voters said they could not imagine themselves voting for Trump.

    They must not like short fingers.

  57. 57
    Mnemosyne says:

    @MattF:

    It’s starting to remind me of Obama’s US Senate campaign in 2004 where his opponent had to withdraw because it turned out he had been forcing his wife (Jeri Ryan, aka Seven of Nine) to accompany him to swingers’ clubs against her wishes and they had to import crazy Alan Keyes as a placeholder.

    What is this magic power Obama has to make his opponents self-destruct? Whatever it is, I’m glad he saved it until we really needed it.

  58. 58
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Immanentize: Is saying “is this not obvious to you, shithead?” right out?

  59. 59
    WereBear says:

    @Mnemosyne: He extends this power even when he’s not running himself!

  60. 60
    Shana says:

    I notice from the quote that he never actually denied it, just took shots at the messenger and the medium.

  61. 61
    Sloegin says:

    It is interesting to see Cruz lay on layer after layer of non-denial denial and counter-attacks. The man’s gonna disappear in a cloud of squid ink.

  62. 62
    piratedan says:

    @Yutsano: aye, that’s Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick and she really does have a chance to unseat that malicious bastard.

  63. 63
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Frankly, I find it very hard to believe that he’s fucked six women out of the 3 and a half billion women on the planet.

  64. 64
    Amir Khalid says:

    Well, let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

    At last, something Ted Cruz and I agree on. On the topic at hand, this shit is just crazy. I would never have expected to see a gossip-rag scandal disrupt a presidential campaign season, like this one is threatening to do.

  65. 65
    MattF says:

    @efgoldman: It’s hard to even imagine the questions that might be posed on the air, much less the possible answers. “So, Senator…”

  66. 66
    Immanentize says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: actually, that is just fine in plea negotiations

  67. 67
    jl says:

    @seaboogie:

    ” and “Sleazy Donald” is the best he can come up with? Pshhht… ”

    Sleazy Donald versus Lyin’ Ted. I guess if politics is Hollywood for ugly people, it can be WWE with boring characters. Really need to get Springer or Povich producing the fight, and some good WWE managers to intro for the candidates and set up of promos with the wrestlers yelling and name calling.

    The sad hacks that run today’s pathetic loser rump of the GOP can’t do anything right. Need to yank the flaccid soporific Priebus and get some people in there who know how to put on this kind of show..

  68. 68
    Archon says:

    @bluehill:

    Yeah, up until recently I thought this would be a close election, even with Trump on the top of the ticket. At this point though I think the Republicans are in for a wipeout.

  69. 69
    MattF says:

    @jl: Tsk. Forgot all about Ol’ ‘Deep Bench’ Reince.

  70. 70
    patroclus says:

    Frankly, I could not care less whether this is true or not. I would certainly never vote for Cruz (nor Trump) for any reason whatsoever for a wide variety of reasons, so there is zero impact there. It’s only interesting in that it’s just yet another reason why the Republican primary process has veered into the gutter because of Trump, which has debased our democratic system and made the U.S. a laughingstock of the world. It’s like a very bad reality TV show, and despite its prurient interest, I wish it would go away.

  71. 71
    muddy says:

    @Amir Khalid: Cruz isn’t getting the point of rat-fucking. It’s not something one participates in, it’s something done secretly behind your back.

    Personally, I have to wonder if Cruz did not start this rumor himself just to seem like more of a human being. And to try and trick women into thinking he has some attraction.

  72. 72
    Eric U. says:

    this story makes me sad that Rubio dropped out before we could find out what the dirt was they had on him. Maybe it will still drop, who knows?

  73. 73
    Amir Khalid says:

    @WereBear:
    We mustn’t forget our Umlaute: it’s a GOPerdämmerung.

  74. 74
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Yutsano: @efgoldman: Ann Kirkpatrick already has an ad of an increasingly cranky McCain barking out his support for Trump that I think is a killer.

    Seems to me there’s another double-edged ad waiting to be made of McCain saying in 2010 “build the dang fence” (to the mini-Arpaio sheriff who was later revealed to be having an affair with an undocumented immigrant) with his vote for immigration reform, show Senator Integrity as the flip-flopper he is and piss off the hard right at the same time, who are already pretty suspicious of him.

    ETA and OT: Just heard Tweety in the other room lamenting that “Paris” now means terrorism. Not to me, it doesn’t.

  75. 75

    @Sloegin:
    He’s playing to a GOP base that loves bullying more than anything else. Angry contempt rather than addressing the issue is a pretty good strategy.

  76. 76
    jl says:

    Seth Rollins calls out “The Daily Show” host Jon Stewart: Raw, February 16, 2015
    https://youtu.be/MEg-Pb0J8bw

  77. 77
    MattF says:

    @Amir Khalid: I expect that Republican who are not running for President are all curled up inside their sofa-pillow forts.

    ETA: This was meant as a reply to Eric U. Sorry, Amir!

  78. 78
    Immanentize says:

    Which of you clever folks wrote, “Trump pulls everyone into the gutter where he is King?” Because I have said it a few times over the past few days and I want to properly give credit.

  79. 79
    Jacel says:

    @Bill: I’d rather have leaders who say, in the manner of Columbo, “Just one more thing…”

  80. 80
    cleek says:

    @Amir Khalid:
    John Edwards, Gary Hart and Herman Cain all wish you were right.

  81. 81
    NonyNony says:

    Well, let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

    Wut?

    Did Cruz just say that he has no desire to fuck with Donald Trump?

    That … doesn’t mean what you think it means Teddy. The lesson Trump is trying to teach you is that you don’t want to fuck with him. If you’re telling him you don’t want to fuck with him, then the lesson is learned.

    I just … what did he think he was saying there?

  82. 82
    cleek says:

    @NonyNony:
    dude’s flailing

  83. 83
    WereBear says:

    @Amir Khalid: An excellent correction, thanks :)

    If at some point Cruz starts talking with an echoey voice and rips off his latex mask like in V, the miniseries, I will not be surprised.

  84. 84
    Mnemosyne says:

    @WereBear:

    It’s like a genie gave him three wishes and he’s patient enough to hold back and use them only where they do the most good.

  85. 85
    mdblanche says:

    “Christ, what an imagination I’ve got!”

  86. 86

    Also, clicking around to see what I missed online, I find that my US Representative, Rod Blum, says the economy in DC is too healthy as evidenced by the amount of building going on. He says DC needs a recession. Man, I hope we vote this guy out in November.

  87. 87
    Central Planning says:

    @cleek: from the comment section there:

    Some Yahoo comments on Cruz sex scandal:
    “A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz. 91% said ‘Never Again”.

  88. 88
    Mike in NC says:

    As I vaguely recall, Nixon was fond of the phrase, “Let me be perfectly clear”…

  89. 89
    gogol's wife says:

    Oh, why do I have so much work to do? I just want to dive into this dumpster head first!

    Maybe work can wait?

  90. 90
  91. 91
    Amir Khalid says:

    I suppose that in a way, this tawdry business has been much like the general tendency of this presidential cycle: the Democrats act like and appeal to adults (mostly), while the Republicans degenerate into vulgarity and pettiness. And we learn that vulgarity and pettiness are disturbingly popular.

  92. 92
    Miss Bianca says:

    Lord God…I’m starting to wonder if there is enough popcorn in the WORLD for this show…

    ETA: Producers’ note to Ted: “Uh…OK, Ted. Nice try with trying to wrap your head around the concept of ‘ratfuckery’. Now, just a few notes on…uh…delivery here….”

  93. 93
    Linnaeus says:

    What a joke.

  94. 94
    jl says:

    “The Daily Show with Seth Rollins”: Raw, March 2, 2015
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn-iHzOZk2M

  95. 95
    boatboy_srq says:

    BUT? REALLY?

    SO: either Cruz copulates with (other) rats, or “let me be clear” doesn’t carry anything like the meaning for Cruz that it does for English speakers.

  96. 96
    Bill Arnold says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Rule 34 dictates that…

    Any bets on whether Rule 34 itself will make its way into the Republican fighting rhetoric?
    I’m hoping for wetsuits (2, preferably, plus..) making their way into the rhetoric, too, somehow.

  97. 97
    chopper says:

    dude, this shit is BANANAS.

  98. 98
    Sad_Dem says:

    @Bill:

    Before Obama it was Condoleeza Rice who was always saying “Let me be very clear…” or “Let’s get one thing clear…”

    Old enough to remember people imitating Nixon’s “Let me make this perfectly clear.” Thanks, Obama, for the reminder!

  99. 99
    Sad_Dem says:

    @WereBear: I keep waiting for that to happen too.

  100. 100
    Jacel says:

    @muddy: In the more classic definition of ratfucking , Cruz would have secretly circulated a false, disprovable rumor to provide cover against a real scandal subsequently being revealed. If what the National Enquirer has to say is true, it isn’t r-f. (Wasn’t Anonymous threatening to reveal information about Cruz and prostitutes several days ago?)

  101. 101
    jc says:

    Cruz calls the report “garbage,” but notice that he doesn’t explicitly, uncatagorically deny that he had affairs.

  102. 102
    Bill Arnold says:

    @Immanentize:
    “gutter, where he is king”
    That was Baud

  103. 103
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Archon: Nate Silver recently tweeted a map he’d made with 270towin of what he thought a Clinton v. Trump election held today would be like. I don’t think it was based on any actual state data; it was just Nate guessing approximately what the electoral map might look like with about a 10-point lead for Clinton, which is what the national head-to-head polls say now.

    It had her winning not just NC and Colorado, but also Georgia and Arizona. Not Utah, though there was an actual poll showing her leading in Utah. He thought Trump would still get Indiana and Missouri.

  104. 104
    Betty Cracker says:

    @gogol’s wife: Yeah. This damned primary has been hell on my productivity. Stop being tawdry, perverted sleazebags, Republicans! We’ve got work to do!

  105. 105
    jl says:

    Trump will crush Cruz like a bug, just like he did McMahon.

    The Battle of the Billionaires takes place at WrestleMania
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NsrwH9I9vE

  106. 106
    Schlemazel (parmesan rancor) says:

    @Betty Cracker:
    Your work can suffer so the nation doesn’t. Sorry

  107. 107
    jl says:

    @Betty Cracker: The primary has given us your political cartoons. Now just gotta figure out how to make some bank off them.

  108. 108
    MattF says:

    This all reminds me of the death of Judge Doom. Except Doom’s death was more realistic.

  109. 109
    singfoom says:

    As I’ve been watching the latest season of House of Cards, I keep thinking that real politics could never get this crazy. Then this shit happens. Way to go reality, you really are stranger than fiction.

    Party of personal responsibility! I honestly don’t give a fuck how many women/men/inanimate objects that Ted Cruz has sex with, that’s between him and those poor masochistic women/men/inanimate objects, but if it ends up being true, it kind of I dunno…..BLOWS THE WHOLE FAMILY VALUES idea the fuck out of the water.

    I wish we could get a Dan Savage sexual act naming going for Cruz. I guess it’s not as unique sounding as Santorum.

    I don’t have enough popcorn

    ETA: I just checked spreadingcruz.com and it redirects to https://www.donaldjtrump.com/….gotta give Drumpf’s IT people some credit.

  110. 110
    randy khan says:

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    The great irony of that comment is that the building boom in D.C. is pretty much all for the private sector. The constellation of cranes on the waterfront, for instance, is a long-awaited redevelopment, with billions of dollars of private investment for mixed use buildings that, so far as I know, won’t include any federal agencies.

    Heck, D.C. didn’t make a serious bid to keep the FBI headquarters (a hulking presence two blocks from my office that covers two full blocks and fronts on Pennsylvania Avenue) because it knows that private developers are dying to get access to that site and will pay significant property taxes that the FBI won’t.

  111. 111

    @randy khan: Rod Blum is in his first term and we need it to be his last. He’s a Freedom Caucuser, and my district almost always goes Democratic. It’s just bizarre.

    Is the FBI HQ moving? I remember going on a tour there years ago. I guess they don’t do that any more.

  112. 112
    rikyrah says:

    @smith:

    Assuming, as most of us do, that the source touching off this revelation of The Thing was the Trump campaign, can anyone explain to me why now? Why not wait until closer to the convention and use it as a coup de grace if needed if Cruz was getting too close? Or, since the polls showed Trump losing in Utah, why not let loose before that primary?

    I thought it was a response for them putting up that Ad in Utah with Melania.

  113. 113
    Mike in NC says:

    @singfoom:

    I honestly don’t give a fuck how many women/men/inanimate objects that Ted Cruz has sex with

    Who’s looking out for the sheep and horses?

  114. 114
    Patricia Kayden says:

    @Mnemosyne: That ole Black Magic sure comes in handy.

    @Amir Khalid: Popular in that “what the hell!” way, which is not good for the GOP. Cruz and Trump are humiliating the Republican elites and pulling the whole party into the mud pits. Not sure how they gloss over this election cycle after November.

  115. 115
    Mike in NC says:

    @Iowa Old Lady: Late Senator Robert Byrd was instrumental in having numerous federal agencies move parts of their operations to West Virginia, and even made sure the feds built the roads to get them there.

  116. 116
    singfoom says:

    @Mike in NC: They’ve got to look out for their own. Plus, you know how animals always react to people that they find objectionable? I doubt he can corner the sheep and the horses. They can probably smell the evil.

  117. 117
    gogol's wife says:

    @seaboogie:

    That really is lame, especially after the dramatic pause that precedes it.

    I understand why he had to bowdlerize f-king, but why does he have to say “rodent” instead of “rat”?

  118. 118
    Mnemosyne says:

    @jl:

    I still think that one of Obama’s biggest strengths as a politician is that he doesn’t buy into all of the white guy machismo, so he doesn’t fall for the traps that other white guy politicians would fall for.

    The Republican primary is all about white guy machismo, so Trump is getting them to fall into his traps. I think he’s going to find it a lot harder to use the same attacks on Hillary, who similarly is not going to be impressed by white guy machismo.

    I’m hoping she can work in a reference to the old feminist joke about why women have poor spatial perception (answer: because we keep being told that this (holding thumb and index finger an inch apart) is 10 inches).

  119. 119
    gogol's wife says:

    @rikyrah:

    hahahahahaha

  120. 120
    gogol's wife says:

    @MattF:

    Yes, I thought he had the same problem.

  121. 121
    gogol's wife says:

    @Oldgold:

    He said it’s garbage. I don’t know if that constitutes a denial.

  122. 122
    lollipopguild says:

    @Mike in NC: The sheep and horses need to look out for themselves. If they see ted coming in their general direction they should RUN!

  123. 123
    jl says:

    @Mnemosyne: I think HRC should just stay away from the whole stench and nonsense.

    But we supporters? I for one want to see Ted in a t-shirt cowering behind one of Springer’s guards after the baby daddy test comes in, and somebody in the audience stands up to tell him off, and some of the women coming in to rip him apart.

  124. 124
    jl says:

    @gogol’s wife: “garbage” can refer to so much in the GOP primary, including the GOP finalist contestants, that I would have to put that down, sadly, very sadly, as a non-denial denial.

  125. 125
    Mnemosyne says:

    @jl:

    Oh, she should definitely stay out of it at least until the Republican nominee is locked. But I could see Warren pulling off that joke.

    Actually, I want Hillary to pull out a “Hamilton” line — “If you stand for nothing, Donald, what’ll you fall for?”

    (We already know she’s a fan — she’s tweeted lines from the show on her official campaign account.)

  126. 126
    randy khan says:

    @Iowa Old Lady:

    The FBI is, in fact, moving . . . eventually.

    They’re in about year 3 of the bid process, and it’s down to 3 finalists for sites, two in Maryland and one in Virginia. I’m betting on the Virginia site because it’s closer to Quantico, but I don’t really have the slightest idea what they’ll choose. Once a site is picked, it will be probably 5 more years before the FBI actually moves.

  127. 127
    gogol's wife says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    I think we’re in “Say No to This” territory here.

  128. 128
    Mnemosyne says:

    @gogol’s wife:

    I’m already picturing the t-shirt: Trump’s face with “Say No To This” underneath. Even the non-Hamimaniacs would buy one.

  129. 129
    chopper says:

    @jc:

    exactly. man, this is garbage. oh yeah, it’s all true but man it’s just terribly written.

  130. 130
    divF says:

    @mdblanche: Benny Noakes on Triptine ?

  131. 131
    randy khan says:

    @efgoldman:

    The FBI will be there for a while, as the bidding process hasn’t even been completed and I’m sure it will take years to build the new HQ. So far as I know, the education center or whatever they call it is still open, but it’s worth noting that you need to get tickets pretty far in advance and you have to get them through one of your Congresscritters.

    You can find out more information if you go to the FBI site and find the page for the headquarters. (And definitely check out the A-Z subject list for the site, which includes such fascinating entries as “Al Capone” and “NCIS,” the latter of which I assume is there because people go to the wrong site all the time.)

  132. 132
    Kathleen says:

    @Marc: Next, on Gerry Springer, is Sarah Palin really Donald Trump’s Babble Mama?

  133. 133
  134. 134
    elftx says:

    @cleek: Thanks for that link. I started checking out the twitter machine and it does look like Rubio’s camp had something they were not yet ready to divulge. I wonder if it is because Rubio was so ‘sure’ he would take FL that he could then take on Cruz.
    Noticed several interesting tweets under #thething

  135. 135
    Jeffro says:

    @patroclus:

    just yet another reason why the Republican primary process has veered into the gutter because of Trump, which has debased our democratic system and made the U.S. a laughingstock of the world.

    Might I just suggest that every time Trump, Cruz, and the GOP in general do something embarrassing, that we all stick together and point out that it’s embarrassing…to Trump, Cruz, and the GOP in general?

    Trump and Cruz are not a stain on America – they’re stains on their party.

    Their supporters? Likewise.

    The vast majority of Americans are not interested in having anything to do with these two clowns (and increasingly, it appears, with the GOP in general). So let’s not give the media or our co-workers or our friends and relatives or whomever this kind of latitude, this opportunity for false equivalence.

    Trump, Cruz, and the GOP in general are sewer backups at this point. Let’s make sure they own that by not making it seem like the rest of America has anything to do with them.

  136. 136
    Mark k says:

    best hypothetical next-shoe if Katrina Pierson states Ted Cruz called her ‘ni&&3r’ in bed

  137. 137
    Watership says:

    @smith:
    Wisconsin. If Cruz doesn’t win that winner-take-most primary, he’s toast. Wisconsin is the inflection point.

  138. 138
    seaboogie says:

    @gogol’s wife: @jl: I listened to the Cruz press conference, and he honestly strikes me as a politico character straight out of The Simpsons, right down to voice and appearance. All the tweaking needed is to paint that punchable face yellow.

    With respect to the lame-ass sobriquets Trump and Cruz are throwing at one another, I’d really like to see them up their game. I think that I can totally get behind tossing Trump a fiver if he refers to Cruz as Senator Skeevy McWeaselton.

  139. 139
    Aleta says:

    It’s like sharks feeding in shallow water, the internet on Cruz now. I’ve never seen anything like the speed with which these strange ugly underbelly people are leaping on this. Having waited quietly until the moment he gave the press talk and it became ‘legitimate’ ‘real’ ‘news.’

    Seems like that pattern for entrapment-by-press (since at least Edwards?) is happening, where they put out a little news, let him deny it, then put out something else, wait for denial, then start springing evidence to counter what he said, right up until the next votes.

    It sure feels like cards have been played one by one, all this week. But wasn’t he vetted for this? Could he have been this addicted to his own narcotic and believed this wouldn’t happen? It’s really weird. Or am I just hallucinating?

  140. 140
    retiredeng says:

    @Immanentize: “I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”
    — George Bernard Shaw

  141. 141
    Big Picture Pathologist says:

    @cleek:

    Yes indeed — thx!

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