NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. – March 10, 2016 – Republican frontrunner Donald Trump issued a clarification on a controversial statement he made during an interview with CNN anchor Anderson Cooper yesterday. When asked by Cooper if he thought Islam was at war with the West, Trump replied, “I think Islam hates us,” which sparked a significant outcry.
Today, Trump clarified that the “Islam” he was referring to was not the religion with more than a billion adherents (including more than three million in the U.S.) but rather singer-songwriter Yusef Islam, formerly known as Cat Stevens. Mr. Stevens had a string of hits in the 1970s, including “Peace Train” and “Moonshadow.”
“C’mon,” Trump exclaimed when confronted with a barrage of media questions. “I didn’t mean the whole religion, obviously! That would be crazy. But that Yusef guy, he has a tremendous hatred for America. He doesn’t even live here.”
Trump’s clarification came too late to save Florida Governor Rick Scott, a prominent Trump supporter, from embarrassment when he was asked to defend Trump’s “Islam hates us” statement on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program today.
Apparently suffering the same programming glitch as Florida Senator Marco Rubio, Governor Scott awkwardly tried to deflect questions about whether or not Muslims hate America by repeating lines about unrelated events in Florida.
CDC scientists, alarmed by the similarities between the televised Rubio and Scott repetition meltdowns, immediately began research to rule out a connection with the Zika virus. But when a healthcare worker approached Scott to attempt to draw blood, the governor morphed into a reptile-like alien life form and returned to his home planet. It is unclear if he will attend tonight’s GOP debate as previously planned.
ETA: Satire is dead. But please note this post is one of its deceased molecules.