This is, I’m told, not a spoof and an actual Cruz campaign video:
If every you were curious as to whether or not wingnuts live in a bubble with little or no collective historical memory, then Neil Cavuto glossing over who was President during the financial crisis of ’08 and this commercial, in which Candian born, private school educated, Princeton and Harvard Law school graduate Ted Cruz smears some mascara awkwardly across his face, dons his finest redneck fancy one use only camo overalls, and shoots aimlessly into the air should cement the deal. Because of course you remember true conservatives mocking John Kerry hunting.
When actually, John Kerry probably had a pretty good reason to know his way around a rifle.
We need to amend the Constitution so Obama can run again.
schrodinger's cat
Who is that in black face?
Xantar
I don’t think Obama wants to run again even if he could. Let the poor man have a break.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Ted cut his baby teeth on Canadian geese.
dr. luba
It’s at times like these I bless my employer for disabling sound on our work computers……
Betty Cracker
@schrodinger’s cat: It’s one of the Duck Dynasty reality TV show idiots, I think.
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
The debate last night was nuts. Maria Bartiromo’s framing of the questions was so bad that it was like the debate was taking place on Earth 2. My fear is that this type of framing is going to be in play during the general election and Clinton or Sanders will have to constantly adjust to it.
JPL
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: Maria loved Sarah Palin and mentioned how intelligent Sarah was. That’s all you need to know about Maria.
NonyNony
Why do you hate Barack Obama so much Cole? Doesn’t the man deserve a rest?
(I suspect that Obama will rest about as much as Jimmy Carter. But I’m beginning to think that while I’m opposed to executive term limits in general as a limit on democracy, I’m in favor of them in terms of the health of the President…)
OzarkHillbilly
@Betty Cracker: Yes. The Daddy IIRC.
Amir Khalid
For obvious reasons, I don’t follow this Duck Dynasty TV show. Just how are the longbeards a duck dynasty? They’re clearly not themselves ducks.
C.V. Danes
I suggest instead that we ammend the constitution to make presidential terms 6 years instead of 4. Make the time between elections longer so that a president is not always worrying about the next election.
Thoroughly Pizzled
Ugh. I’d rather have President Trump than President Cruz.
schrodinger's cat
@Amir Khalid: Something to do with duck hunting. I have no idea really, I have never watched their cretinous show.
SiubhanDuinne
Two questions:
1. What’s the point of wearing blackface in duck hunting?
2. Did they do away with that requirement for the candidate to say “I’m Ted Cruz (or Hillary Clinton, or even John Kasich) and I approved this message” on official campaign ads?
Peale
@Amir Khalid: They manufacture duck calls.
Amir Khalid
@SiubhanDuinne:
Maybe Ted’s campaign released it without his knowledge. (Republicans in disarray!)
Another Holocene Human
Why the hell is the Dem debate on a Saturday? Nobody watches TV on a fucking Saturday!
Peale
When Ted Cruz is done with your water supply, you won’t want to bathe either.
Betty Cracker
@C.V. Danes: It might make sense to have a six-year term if there were no subsequent terms allowed. Sure, it would be great to have Obama for 12 years, but he’s relatively young. Can you imagine what would have happened if Reagan were president for 12 years? His brain was already tapioca half way into his second term.
Anoniminous
I watched at least 3 seconds of the video and I’m convinced.
All white people need to pass a competence and drug test and then undergo psychological evaluation before they can register to vote.
Betty Cracker
@Another Holocene Human: It also conflicts with the NFL playoffs and Downton Abbey. Thanks, Debbie!
NonyNony
@Amir Khalid:
The grandpa invented a duck call in the 70s and spun that into a multimillion dollar business. He passed that onto his kids and now they’re all rich.
Despite sounding like uneducated morons when they opens their mouths, Phil (the grandpa) apparently has a Masters degree in Education and his sons all have business degrees. Frankly I think their act of pretending to be rural bumpkins is more offensive than when Buddy Ebsen and company did the same thing for the Beverly Hillbillies, but YMMV.
eyelessgame
There’s one ex-President who, at least until a couple years ago, would have definitely run again if we amended the Constitution. He even suggested it.
But he’ll get to be First Lady instead next year, and I suspect he’ll enjoy all that comes with that.
gene108
@JPL:
Considering how badly she flubbed on Jeopardy Sarah maybe smarter than her.
SiubhanDuinne
Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams) is dead.
Age 74.
Cancer.
OzarkHillbilly
@Amir Khalid: He designed a very effective duck call and made a butt load of money off it. Now they have a whole line of sporting goods marketed under their name and a TV show.
NonyNony
@C.V. Danes:
Actually if we’re going to amend the constitution, I suggest extending the House seats to 4 years and have them match up with Presidential elections. And have the Senate seats on 8 year terms instead of 6, each coinciding with a Presidential election.
It would make the process much more democratic (by making all Congressional elections high turnout national elections and doing away with the low turnout off-year elections), and also get the House off of the fundraise-campaign year-to-year cycle so that maybe they can do 2 years of work every term instead of 0.
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
Failgunner Ted is getting failgunnery-er by the minute.
OzarkHillbilly
@SiubhanDuinne:
The white face with eyes is neon sign to all prey. It says “RUN AWAY!!!”
Ultraviolet Thunder
If Cruz needs these buffoons to polish his cred with ordinary foax, then Hillary has little to worry about.
Woodrowfan
give Obama a chance to rest before he goes on the Supreme Court…
SiubhanDuinne
@OzarkHillbilly:
Ah. Well, Ted Cruz’ face with eyes does that to me regardless.
WaterGirl
Holy fuck.
I can’t think of anything else to say.
The Other Chuck
This ought to be a Dukakis-in-the-tank level of embarrassment for Cruz. But that would require actual self-awareness.
oklahomo
So . . dudes with long long beards and wearing camo . . . firing lots of guns . . . spouting intolerance . . . aren’t there some vacant caves now in Tora Bora whjere these guys could go hang out in? And take Cruz with them
MattF
@SiubhanDuinne: It’s so the ducks will be immobile with laughter, and you can go up close to shoot them.
GregB
Cruz is simply trying to secure the powerful Fans of Al Jolsen demographic voting bloc.
OzarkHillbilly
@SiubhanDuinne: That’s how you know you are prey.
Motivated Seller
If you want to amend the constitution, then maybe we should work on fixing our electoral system so we no longer have to choose between Italian and a meal of tire rims and anthrax.
Kropadope
@Anoniminous:
Not that I’m worried or anything, but didn’t the Supreme Court say that type of thing is a no-no?
Germy
That freeze-frame in the above youtube reminds me of when Daffy Duck would get on the wrong end of a shotgun.
I seem to see this political season through an old warner bros cartoon filter.
Germy
@SiubhanDuinne:
Ducks simply don’t trust white men any more.
Amir Khalid
@NonyNony:
Buddy & Co were actors playing roles. And some do argue that The Beverly Hillbillies was a satire about the rich/poor divide.
Germy
Has anyone else seen the photo that circulated of the duck dynasty before their longbeard schtick? I swear they look they belong in a MItt Romney family photo. The father, too.
Isn’t it cosplay with them?
gk
At least Cruz had the good sense to put earplugs in is ears while that jackass was talking.
Germy
@Amir Khalid:
Does anyone remember the movie version with Jim Varney as Jed? My favorite part was when he talked about Granny’s habit of disappearing for a few days and then returning “stinking of medicine.”
jimmiraybob
Henceforth let all posts about Ted “Duck Gumbo” Cruz begin with the audio of a duck squawking in terror. So it be said, so it be done.
Shell
With these guys, they probably find it hard to outsmart the ducks.
reality-based (the original, not the troll)
@eyelessgame:
yes, and if Bill had been allowed to run in 2000, he would have been overwhelmingly re-elected. (65% approval rating. )
Instead, we got the shrub. Sucks to be us.
SatanicPanic
What’s so manly about shooting at ducks anyway? They’re… ducks. If you were quick enough I’m pretty sure you could just grab ’em.
Tangentially related- one time I saw a momma duck and some baby ducks holding up traffic while they wandered in a line across the street. They even used the crosswalk. Cutest thing ever.
MattF
This raises the ancient and profound question: ‘Why a duck?’
Germy
@MattF: “Why a no chicken?”
1stgengirl
@gene108: Glad to see that someone else appreciates what an intellectual giant Maria is.
Juju
@Betty Cracker: also think of W for 12 years. That thought actually triggers a migraine for me.
OzarkHillbilly
@SatanicPanic:
I’d like to see that. Would probably make “America’s Funniest Home Videos”.
Ridnik Chrome
We need to amend the Constitution so Obama can run again.
If we did, and he did, he’d win, easily…
Mnemosyne
@Germy:
Yes, it’s cosplay. Ninety percent of what conservatives do is cosplay. They really should just join some fandom and stop trying to impose their fantasy worlds on us. You don’t see furries trying to get their preferences written into the frickin’ Constitution.
Germy
@Ridnik Chrome:
I’d fear for his safety. The nuts are crazy angry enough. A third term would send them over the edge.
Let him move on peacefully to the next chapter in his life, whatever that is. I hope he writes a book and starts a foundation.
C.V. Danes
@NonyNony: That could work. Also, Supreme Court should be 10 years, subject to renewal by Congress.
Germy
@Mnemosyne: cosplay: See Bush, “Mission Accomplished”
SatanicPanic
@OzarkHillbilly: Wouldn’t it be fun to watch? I’m just saying, shooting at them doesn’t really strike me as all macho. It’s not like they’ll fight back.
Germy
@SatanicPanic: They like to shoot them while the ducks are flying gracefully through the air.
C.V. Danes
@Juju: Yeah, but in hindsight I don’t think Bush would have gotten a second term. People were pretty fed up at his 6 year point.
Villago Delenda Est
John Kerry volunteered to be in the shit in ‘Nam.
Rafael Cruz was afraid to get near a suburban military recruiting office.
OzarkHillbilly
@Juju: In truth, I suspect Bush would have lost if he had had to run at the 6 year mark. That was the year he Dems took the House back and gave us Nancy Pelosi as Speaker.
Germy
@SatanicPanic: The ducks in my town park are aggressive. They have no fear of people because of all the crackers they’ve been fed. A few of them almost knocked my wife down once; didn’t believe her when she insisted she had no more crackers.
C.V. Danes
@Betty Cracker: I think the question is would Reagan have been reelected at his 6-year point.
trollhattan
@Peale:
They should switch to dog whistles. Oh, wait….
Mnemosyne
@SatanicPanic:
Ducks are kind of mean, actually. The babies are adorable, though.
And don’t even think of messing with a goose. They’ll fuck you up.
trollhattan
@Germy:
A mØØse once bit my sister.
OzarkHillbilly
@SatanicPanic: It may not be macho but it is very difficult to do successfully.
raven
How Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty Dodged Vietnam War Draft
raven
@Mnemosyne: They replaced German Shepherds with geese as guards inside the wire of USAF Bases in Europe.
trollhattan
@Mnemosyne:
We have a substantial year-round Canada goose population (Migrate? Fvck that!) and when I encounter them on the bike path I slow waaaay down, talk to them in goose and give them the right of way. A group of three once flew in front of me when I was going nearly 20 and I was afraid I would collect one in my chest. Happened so fast I could only hang on but the sound of the wind across their wings was distinct and loud.
Nice birdie!
Germy
@raven: And when they retire… Foie gras.
SatanicPanic
@Germy: A real man don’t fear no duck!
hehe
Germy
@trollhattan:
Bullwinkle with his easy-going temperament is a myth.
trollhattan
@Villago Delenda Est:
But he talks tough, and that’s the same thing, right?
He truly does “scare” me more than the others given he’s both an out-and-out sociopath and proud of it, at the same time having an actual chance at the nom unlike, say, the vile Fiorina. I can get nothing out of my Republican acquaintances about their slate of candidates, only how bad Democrats are. Denial Delta has actually moved to the States.
Germy
@SatanicPanic:
They could easily remove a man’s testicles with one chomp. Respect the ducks; feed them bread and then back away slowly. I swear one of them once lunged at my trousers; probably showing off for his friends. Fortunately, he missed. I can still sing basso profundo.
OzarkHillbilly
@raven: A buddy of mine has geese. They like to look big and bad (that’s what all that wing spreading is about) and hiss and bite (which will hurt) but generally punting them does wonders for attitude adjustment. Tho I do tend to give them the right of way when they have goslings. No sense in tempting the devil.
Kansi
Every time I wish Obama could have another term in office I get a little queasy. Afraid I am identifying with the Reagan and W worshippers. Hate feeling I share anything with them.
Ridnik Chrome
The nuts are crazy angry enough. A third term would send them over the edge.
That might be kind of entertaining. I picture the nuttier ones ending up like Chief Inspector Dreyfus at the end of “The Return of the Pink Panther”…
Paul in KY
@The Other Chuck: If that slimoid is the nominee, we need to make it a Dukakis-in-tank for him.
SatanicPanic
@OzarkHillbilly: I believe it. But in the end how different is this from something like golf? I’m just saying, doesn’t really strike me as something to be like, yeah, I’m so tough, I shoot at birds. and then get all dressed up like a soldier like you’re going on some dangerous mission when really you could just buy duck at the store. But who knows, maybe I’m missing the point.
OzarkHillbilly
@Ridnik Chrome: I picture the nuttier ones in a wildlife refuge in the the middle of Nowhere Oregon.
glory b
@Germy: Yeah, I saw that. They were all clean cut and clean shaven, wearing pink and yellow polo shirts and in front of McMansions, with golf clubs.
I always wonder what their wives think of this transformation…
Paul in KY
@SatanicPanic: They are quite strong for their size (heart/lung system much better than ours) & they’ll try and flap they way away from you & their wingbeats can hurt.
SatanicPanic
@Germy:
well I was just joking about real men, etc., but damn, I will keep my distance from now on.
Amir Khalid
In all seriousness, does this kind of advertising actually work for Ted? Would Duck Dynasty fans actually be swayed by seeing him on their favourite show? Would that offset the people who see the absurdity in Ted wearing camo and being heralded by duck calls? Are there polling numbers on this?
JPL
@Amir Khalid: It’s suppose to be a big deal in some areas of the country.
At least twenty seven percent of the repubs agree with Phil’s racist and homophobic rants.
PurpleGirl
@glory b: From what I see on commercials — cause I wouldn’t watch the show for anything — the wives are still quite normal. The wear regular clothes, nothing on the simple, modest side (think Kim Davis) and make-up, etc. They probably understand it as something the husbands do as acting to make more money.
JPL
For those that need a break from politics, this story at the NYTimes is pretty funny. The greatest hoax in sports
Juju
@Mnemosyne:My mother has a beach house in the Outerbanks and the neighborhood it is located in has year round gaggles of Canada geese. I had a dog who just loved to bark at the geese. One afternoon I was driving through the neighborhood with my dog in the backseat of the car and she noticed a gaggle of geese and started to bark at them. I thought I’d be nice and stop the car and open the window a crack and let my dog bark to her heart’s content. The geese didn’t much care for her barking and surrounded the car. I was stuck for about 10-15 minutes while the dog barked and the geese honked back. Those geese would not budge an inch until they were good and ready. There were a couple of cars that got stuck behind me while this was taking place. I could see them laughing almost to the point of tears. The dog I have now, though a golden retriever as well as the previous dog, has absolutely no interest in the geese, which is probably a good thing. My car hasn’t been surrounded since and I don’t mess with the geese.
Juju
@OzarkHillbilly: A valid point but still too much of a risk to consider, since the republicans were gaming the voting system.
OzarkHillbilly
@SatanicPanic: They aren’t dressed up as a soldier, they’re dressed up as duck hunters (I assume- I don’t have the stomach to watch the video) The weather tends to be cold, wet, nasty, just plain fugly, and ducks are rather sharp eyed and wary so you wear camo and stay perfectly still while one person tries to bring them in to the decoys (which really do have to be placed just so) with a duck call. Shooting them is usually done with a 12 ga with a full choke barrel (nice tight pattern- you have to hit them hard to bring them down, ducks are very tough birds) and then you send the retriever out to get them and the dog comes back soaking wet and shakes the water all over you.
And I have just exhausted all the knowledge of duck hunting that I learned 40 years ago over 3 years of hunting them once or twice a year. It is very difficult. It is exciting. It is also a form of misery that I decided was not for me. As to it’s being macho… I suppose it’s more macho than grabbing a frozen chicken at Wally world but not as macho as killing a saber tooth tiger with a spear.
Macho was never why I hunted. I had other reasons.
Kay
@Amir Khalid:
You’d think they would start to figure out that promoting their alliance with reality tv stars carries some risk after the Duggar Debacle. I don’t think reality tv stars are the most stable, reliable people on the planet, quite frankly. It seems like it’s just a matter of time before they implode. From Honey Boo Boo to the lady with octuplets to the Duggars it all seems to end tragically. I don’t know- maybe it isn’t a good idea to turn your family into a branded product that the whole family then survives on?
JCJ
@Mnemosyne:
When I was about 5 years old I had pet ducks. They were really fun and nice. We also had a goose. That fucker used to beat the shit out of me. He would bite and smack me with his wings.
OzarkHillbilly
@Juju: I definitely understand your fears, I was jus sayin’…
SatanicPanic
@OzarkHillbilly: huh, interesting. I am probably comparing it unfairly to pheasant hunting, which, from what I could tell from watching my neighbors involved drinking beer, eating pork rinds and occasionally pausing to shoot at something. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but I never tried it so I wouldn’t know.
cmorenc
@Thoroughly Pizzled:
Answering the question: President Cruz or President Trump? is like answering a proposition posed in the kids’ riddle game where they compete for who-can-pose-the-most=repulsively-gory choice, e.g. “would you rather go swimming in a shark-infested pool of bloody snot or slide naked down a bannister made of razor blades? Except with Trump v Cruz, there’s a small but worrisome chance you might actually have to experience one of them.
John Revolta
@Kay: Worked out pretty good for The Bushes (aka Schmuck Dynasty).
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
John, why don’t you make a Rahm Emanuel thread. I’m curious to see how the Obots are feeling about Rahm now after all the shit they talked a few years ago. I have scoured the Wayback Machine for evidence of their treachery and I am prepared now to confront them harshly so that they may become better human beings.
catclub
@The Other Chuck:
No, it requires a press to ruthlessly pile on.
SatanicPanic
@Kay: Plus Ted Cruz has already had one reality star turn on him
raven
@OzarkHillbilly: It was the noise they used em for, not the attacking.
raven
@OzarkHillbilly: And duck gumbo is awesome!
JPL
@Juju: I laughed too.
OzarkHillbilly
@SatanicPanic: I have seen a number of hunters who “hunt” that way. Every now and again they even shoot something, something other than their foot, and are really proud of themselves when they get to come home and throw a bloody, feathered, half eviscerated bird on the counter saying “I got dinner, woman. Fix it.” Then go pass out in the lazy boy. I like to think they are in the minority, but no one really knows. I do know these “hunters” are a lot more visible then hunters.
Mnemosyne
Since we’re exchanging waterfowl stories:
We lived on a lake when I was growing up and Canada geese would stop there during migration. My mom used to feed them even though they were ungrateful bastards who hissed every time you got near.
One year, we noticed that two of the geese had formed a ménage a trois with a white duck that had probably escaped from a farm. They all nested together, and when the goslings hatched, they would all swim together — Momma Goose, Duck, goslings, and Daddy Goose.
That’s when I knew nature was weirder than they were teaching me in school.
catclub
@OzarkHillbilly:
Rats, you had me thinking about Faulkner’s “The Bear”.
Kay
@SatanicPanic:
Well, because they’re flighty and not reliable :)
The Duggar thing is actually much bigger than the Duggars (which you may or may not know).
This very earnest group of people who were involved in the lifestyle have explained it here.
It’s complicated. I read it and I still don’t understand it. The religious leader’s name is Bill Gothard and it’s a whole child-raising ideology/religious sect.
Enhanced Voting Techinques
Sounds like Cruises way to establish himself as a vet in the kind of LARPesc world of the hard right. Suppose it beats a video of him doing Civil War reinactment.
Mnemosyne
@Kay:
Bill Gothard was forced to resign in 2014 after multiple young women accused him of sexual harassment and sexual assault. His movement seems to be continuing on without him, though.
SatanicPanic
@Kay: yeah, plus there appear to be lots of questions about Mr Gothard himself. But I was referring to Cruz’s former friend, reality star Donald J Trump and his “questions” about Cruz’s eligibility
gogol's wife
Slightly OT, but it may be time to cancel my subscription to Vanity Fair. It came yesterday, and there was some unknown blonde starlet on the cover. I don’t know any of the new actresses, so I wasn’t too disturbed by the fact that she was unrecognizable. Then I read the caption. Megyn Kelly.
Megyn f-ing Kelly. And they’ve done something to her to make her completely unrecognizable.
But again I say, Megyn Kelly.
OzarkHillbilly
@catclub: I have other hunting stories. Do you want to hear the one about butchering a moose and the bear circling the kill site?
At the end of my season at my Aunt and Uncles Canadian hunting and fishing camp, a buddy of my cousin’s shot a moose on Big Island and came to us for help packing it out (IIRC about 800 lbs on the hoof). As my cousin and his buddy butchered and quartered it, there was a bear circling us. We knew it was a bear because even tho we never saw it, whenever it got down wind the smell of blood and guts got it excited and it would give a soft “Woof.” We hauled out the meat. The bear got everything else.
The end.
(I never said I was the next Faulkner)
trollhattan
@cmorenc:
Just one?
bemused
@gogol’s wife:
I was just as annoyed when I got my issue.
trollhattan
@gogol’s wife:
Please, for the rest of us, before you cancel plow into the interview and report back whether they ask, “Megyn, why you spell your name so crazy?”
If she were to haul off and kick Rove in the balls, I’d forgive her many sins.
Ridnik Chrome
@Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader: Native Chicagoan now living in New York here. Voted twice for Obama, would gladly do so a third time if he were running, but never liked Emanuel and have been enjoying seeing him with his nuts in the wringer. Hope he’s either forced to resign, or recalled…
Kay
@SatanicPanic:
Hah! I forgot he was a reality star. I didn’t think there was an issue with Cruz (and I don’t care that much) but I read the law professor’s argument and she seems to have a point there. Congress could pass a law defining “natural born” if they want to. Ted Cruz is occasionally in Congress. Maybe he could work on that. He can hire that crazy California birther lawyer to advise. I don’t know why she never got a reality show. She was robbed.
catclub
somewhat OT: Useful suggestion for how to make debates better.
Give the questions beforehand. I bet you could give them ahead of time to the public and the public might be more interested to see what answers they gave.
catclub
@OzarkHillbilly: Thanks!
The Lodger
@jimmiraybob: Also, a horse neighing in alarm for Carly “Frau Blucher” Fiorina.
SatanicPanic
@OzarkHillbilly: TBogg wrote a great story about growing up as a hunter. I had a friend whose dad was a taxidermist and they were pretty into it, but I think everyone else around were just rednecks who liked shooting at stuff. My friend told me his dad was drunk and started shooting at a crop duster :/ oddly enough that guy was a college professor, but I guess the place just rubbed off on him.
Germy
@trollhattan:
You mean kick Trump in the balls?
gogol's wife
@trollhattan:
I’ll probably read it, on the “train-wreck” principle.
raven
@SatanicPanic: Ah, I remember that. We were not really hunters when I was growing up a bit north him, probably at the same time, but we did go “plinking” quite a bit in the Puente Hills and out past Pasadena. My old man was always giving us survival tips that he no doubt learned in his years in the Pacific in WW2. I’ve still got the guns and then I inherited these old Winchesters that belonged to my BIL’s dad who grew up on a ranch in Arizona. I don’t have ammo but I do like these rifles from the 1880’s. I hope to pass them on as they are real antiques but I don’t know.
Anoniminous
@raven:
Take a look at those Winchesters. If one of them is chambered for the .50-110 Winchester round it’s worth a minimum of $50k to an
lotta bucks idiotcollector.Corner Stone
@OzarkHillbilly:
{Cut to B&W flashback scene. OzarkHillbilly leaning against a wall in a dark alley. There’s a lightpost just off angle at the end of the alley, making a dull halo in the light mist that’s falling. OzarkHillbilly has both hands shoved deep into the pockets of a long, tan and buckled trenchcoat, collars turned up against the rain and his fedora pulled low.}
{Narrators gritty bass voice speaks at an unhurried pace}
“It seems ages ago now, but I can still feel the cold from that night. It wasn’t right what happened to her.”
{OzarkHillbilly pulls a small locket out of the trenchcoat with his left hand. He opens the locket to carefully review a picture of someone the audience can’t see. Camera tightens in on OzarkHillbilly’s face as he grimaces.}
“Someone’s got to pay”, he grumbles quietly to himself as he pulls a snub-nosed .38 out of his right pocket. “If it walks like a duck…”
{Camera pulls back as OzarkHillbilly turns and slowly walks down the alley away from the streetlight.}
BruceJ
@schrodinger’s cat: Obubba Bin BlowedUp? Wile E Y’all Queda?
J R in WV
OK, I gotta couple of bird stories, that kind of hook up to bird stories already submitted up above.
Mom and Dad were on a driving trip, happened into Delaware, where there are these huge DuPont mansions, most turned into parks and museums. They were driving slowly through this huge former estate, now park/museum with a miles-long driveway that passed a big pond with swans. Swans make geese look like little chickens.
Swans are also really mean. One of them started up the bank towards the car, coming faster and faster. Mom says “Honey, you better put your window up!” just as Dad starts the window up. Swan slams into window at full speed, leaving window covered with swan spittle! Swan wanders off, dazed, while Dad drives on to the museum, thinking how lucky he was to have started that window up in time, because that swan could have killed him, or at least put him in the hospital. Imagine that medical report!?!?
Another bird story. Friend lives in NYC, Upper West Side of Manhattan and rides a bike in Central Park to stay in shape. He’s coming down a hill, going pretty fast, when a hawk stoops on a rodent beside the bike path. Hawk intersects the front wheel of his bike, which stops turning instantly, putting friend over the handlebars, broken bones, unconscious, concussion, the whole works.
Plus the hawk was instantly killed.
Fortunately friend had health coverage, in good shape, finest treatment, full recovery. But I expect he aches when the weather changes. I’ve had impact injuries, shoulder surgery, etc, and when the weather changes rapidly I can nap the miserable days away. Birds. Mostly you can have ’em. I like them pan-fried, or roasted, or in soup, or stir-fried.
opiejeanne
@trollhattan: LOL! I see what you did there.
Michael Bersin
@Betty Cracker: Saint Ronald Raygun? His second term? It was evident at the time this was an issue when he was doing borax commercials.
The Lodger
@SatanicPanic: Good thing he missed. Stuffing a crop duster is a bitch.
raven
@Anoniminous: There is a Low Wall .25 Cal , 30-30 and a 40-44 made in 1871. I also have an 1860 Purdey 50 cal double bbl muzzle loader.
OzarkHillbilly
@Corner Stone: That gave me more than a little giggle. Thanx. If I remember I will say as much again in the morn.
tom
NotoriousJRT
@Woodrowfan:
Obama on the SCOTUS. That is my dream., He can do battle w/ Roberts and Alito after Fat Tony sails to the great beyond, and Clarence decides he hates the place so much he will just retire to his RV.
joel hanes
@SatanicPanic:
What’s so manly about shooting at ducks anyway?
Actual answer:
Because it’s something your father taught you to do, a thing you did together when you both made time for it, a thing that so few women do that it’s still largely a men-only club, with its own paraphernalia (special warm clothes, a duck boat, blinds, decoys, a retriever, a big vehicle to deal with the preceding, a DU sticker for the back of the vehicle, a license and duck stamp for the license, and of course guns and ammo and gear for cleaning guns, wildlife art for the home — there is no other meal so expensive as wild duck)
And mostly it’s all over a couple hours after sunrise.
To hunt ducks in the way I learned, one must arise at 4:00 AM, and be rowing the boat out into the frosty marsh at 5:30 as the first light comes into the sky, so that the decoys are deployed and you and the boat are hidden half an hour before actual sunrise.
If there’s going to be any action, it’s usually over long before 10:00 AM.
The best duck hunting is often in late-season in foul weather, when a big front pushes the mallards out of southern Canada all on the same day. You may have to break ice with the boat; there will be a grey sky full of cold wind and sleet; handling wet decoys in 25-degree weather gets kinda macho feeling real fast. And you mostly sit still for three or four hours, outside, in those conditions
And, of course, you shoot ducks with long shiny phallic symbols that go boom.
If you actually bag a duck or two, they must be cleaned. Plucking is tedious, and drawing the viscera repels many modern people; perhaps that too can be regarded as manly.
OzarkHillbilly
@SatanicPanic: Yeah I read that, and loved it. Perfect.
OzarkHillbilly
@joel hanes: You went into a whole lot more detail than I, but yeah. I no longer try to explain it in it’s fullest detail, but I still can’t resist answering. After reading your response, maybe I should.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
Having seen the video ROFL Cruise looks like an American-Indian hanging with his buddy Osama Bin Laden (Obama bin Biden? I get confused) All do they need is AK-47s.