Open Thread: Sad Man Flailing

… It’s like “dead man walking,” but with sad-trombone fart noises!

After reading Doctor Cleveland’s Jane Austen post, I asked the Spousal Unit if Jeb Bush could be compared to hapless clergyman Mr. Collins. He said that wasn’t really fair… to Mr. Collins.

And JEB!’s stuck campaigning until at least February 9th, becasue no way is Momma Bar letting him off the hook before New Hampshire #FITN. He must be looking at reports about the Secret Service agents involved in a head-on collision in NH with a certain amount of trepidation… or possibly envy.

43 replies
  1. 1
    dmsilev says:

    Jane Austen character correspondences. Hmmm. Trump I think is Mrs. Bennett. Says whatever pops into his head at any given moment, doesn’t even think for an instant about what other people might think.

    Edit: And Barbara Bush is, of course, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Which would make Jeb her daughter whats-her-name the sickly heir who was “supposed” to marry Mr. Darcy.

  2. 2
    Baud says:

    AL, are you putting up a new years party later? I can’t party to Jeb!.

  3. 3
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Baud: Pointing and laughing can be fun too!

  4. 4
    Tissue Thin Pseudonym says:

    Kirk Herbsteit needs to find a new catch phrase. I’ve heard “lower the boom” way too many times already tonight.

  5. 5
    JustRuss says:

    Dear god, if someone told me they saw a train wreck stop so it could watch Jeb’s campaign, I’d believe him. I guess he figured handing out nicknames paid off for his brother, so what the heck. Jeb, when you can’t live up to W’s standards, just stop. Please.

  6. 6
    Bobby D says:

    Good lord almighty, I thought ¡Yeb! couldn’t get any more tone deaf after the “my bro kept us safe”, and “i’d do Iraq all over again”. But bringing up Katrina…he really is actively trying to lose this thing. Might want to check the bookies and see if someone’s laid big money against him back in the summer.

    I wouldn’t put it past the Bush crime syndicate to raise 50mil, bet that 50 against himself, then purposely tank it and walk with the loot. It’s the only possible explanation I can think of…unless he’s been eating lead burritos and snorting mercury. Nobody can possibly be that stupid.

  7. 7
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Baud: Murphy the Trickster God and FYWP willing, I will!

  8. 8
    Baud says:


    Ha, I meant new years post. But the autocorrect works.

  9. 9
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Bobby D: As I told the wife about a month after jeb😓 got in the race; I’ve discovered something very disturbing: George is the smart Bush.

  10. 10
  11. 11
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @Baud: Party sounds better than boast or roast anyway.

  12. 12
    Mike J says:

    I wish these moron republicans would get with the program and vote for Jeb! I have no doubt at all that he’s the easiest to beat.

  13. 13
    Baud says:

    @BillinGlendaleCA: But we do that the other 364 days of the year.

  14. 14
    raven says:

    @efgoldman: ESPN 2 has in Spanish if it bothers you that much.

  15. 15
    BillinGlendaleCA says:

    @efgoldman: One of the older gentlemen at another blog I sometimes read has this advice, “Mute”.

  16. 16
    SIA says:

    After reading Doctor Cleveland’s Jane Austen post, I asked the Spousal Unit if Jeb Bush could be compared to hapless clergyman Mr. Collins. He said that wasn’t really fair… to Mr. Collins.

    Mr Collins, after being flatly rejected by Lizzie Bennett, at least had the gumption to snap up Charlotte Lucas. Sad Jeb! gets no such consolation prize.

    Also, fuck the Bushes.

  17. 17
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Won’t someone, in the name of humanity, put this poor man out of his misery?

  18. 18
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Bobby D: “Springtime for Jebbie”

  19. 19
    Baud says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: I think Trump will.

  20. 20
    SIA says:

    @dmsilev: Ooh good take on Barb. I believe the sickly daughter was Anne.

  21. 21
    raven says:

    @efgoldman: Do you really think they don’t?

  22. 22
    raven says:

    I just took the dogs out and a Flying Chinese Lantern went over!

  23. 23
    Bobby D says:

    Bill, I too was puzzled. We were told for so long that ¡Yeb! was the smart one. They both appear to be fetal alcohol syndrome victims. Their odious lunatic of a mother was probably necking Tom Collins and Tanqueray/Tonics down at the country club well into her third trimester while Poppy was off chasing skirt.

    Glendale eh? I live in Redlands, went over to your neck of the woods to buy a car a few years back. I was like “what’s with all the weird decorative iron fence stuff and bizarre architecture added onto ranch houses?” Apparently it’s an Armenian thing, ugly as shit, so I hope there’s at least some good food that comes with the eyesores.

  24. 24
    JPL says:

    Will someone please tell my neighbors, enough with the fireworks. They started at eight and now a hour and a half later, they are still going strong.

    @efgoldman: There’s a mute button for that.

  25. 25
    raven says:

    @JPL: The law says 2am. Fucking idiots.

  26. 26
    raven says:

    Whether or not Chris Avino could sport a colander in his driver’s license photo became an issue for the Georgia Department of Driver Services.

    Avino got a temporary ID sporting the strainer after telling people it was a religious headdress — he is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But the department later changed its mind and said Avino would have to retake the picture.

    A colander, they said, is just a colander.

  27. 27
    JPL says:

    @raven: Oh goodie… I don’t know if you saw earlier, but my son signed on to my computer for two weeks, so I could watch the games today. I have ESPN on mute and put on PBS to listen to the replay of Simon and Garfunkel’s 1981 central park concert.

  28. 28
    raven says:

    @efgoldman: Come on, with the amount of dough they spend they know what’s up. There’s not one announcer that people don’t bitch about.

  29. 29
  30. 30
    catclub says:

    @Baud: Check out Comedians in cars getting coffee – President Barack Obama version.

  31. 31
    raven says:

    @efgoldman: Remember the You Bet Your Life with the woman with 12 kids? Woman “I like kids” Groucho “I like cigars but I take them out of my mouth once in a while”!

  32. 32
    Baud says:

    @catclub: I saw that earlier today. Now I want to President more than ever.

  33. 33
    raven says:

    Shit Cook threw it right to the d-back.

  34. 34
    Steeplejack (phone) says:

    @Tissue Thin Pseudonym:

    Everybody was “running downhill” this season. Was that him too?

  35. 35
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @raven: Unbelieving scum would make such a heretical assertion.

  36. 36
    Elliott says:

    Jeb! Loser

  37. 37
    Heliopause says:

    I asked the Spousal Unit if Jeb Bush could be compared to hapless clergyman Mr. Collins.

    Jeb’s much more like Darcy. Wealthy, privileged, but has difficulty connecting with people on a personal level. Collins, for his many faults, was a decent fellow who worked for a living.

  38. 38
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Happy New Year, Juicers!

    What I want to know is what happened to HAMMERTIME.

  39. 39
    Robert Sneddon says:

    @Bobby D: It’s not about the Benjamins, not for the Bushes. They are American royalty, a generation at least past the point where mere money was needed to maintain their status in society. They have influence which is more important, they know people who have money if they ever need to spend someone else’s fortune to achieve their goals and that money will always be forthcoming no matter how dire the situation because, it is believed, the Bushes will have and be able to exercise power twenty and thirty years from now. JEB! might well pull out of the nomination race but it won’t be money troubles that cause him to do so.

    I’ve pointed this out before but there’s a new Bush on the political launchpad, Jeb’s son George P. He’s holding down a viceregal position in the Bush family’s wholly-owned subsidiary of Texas, Land Commissioner but that’s only a stepping-stone towwards a Gubernatorial or Federal slot and eventually a run for the White House. His Wikipedia entry has already been cleaned up — he has a middle name derived from his Hispanic mother’s side of the family but it is noticeably absent from his public biographies on the internet. The money men dropping pocket-change into the floundering JEB! campaign today are looking to the future when George P. is going to be running for Prez in fifteen or twenty years time and they and their heirs don’t want to be remembered as the sorts of folks who didn’t show proper “respect” to the Bushes today.

  40. 40
    rmthunter says:

    Wow. That was painful.

  41. 41
    Sondra says:

    As they grasp for any straw that makes Jeb! even the least bit appealing…his advice on selfies goes over nicely…awe!

    Meanwhile I keep waiting for the moment when his team of magical supporters, PACS and old family retainers make it appear that he breaks from the back of the pack and surges into a run for the finish line to win and become the GOP nominee.

    It’s not totally impossible. After rehabilitating him to be charming and somewhat less dumb, after disposing of the 2 front-runners whom they hate: Trump and Cruz, after smearing Rubio with those tantalizingly fact free scandal stories about his cocaine dealer brother-in-law, his mistress and out of wedlock love child, his illegal use of campaign funds to pay his bills and those shady real estate deals.

    They will only have to contend with Chris Christy who used to be the rudest and most insulting candidate until Trump made him look small and fat: and also the 2nd most scandal ridden candidate who will most likely self-implode. That only leaves the also rans: Rand(let’s return to the gold standard) Paul , Ben (I had a temper as a kid) Carson, Carly( CEO who ruined HP) Fiorino, Rick (man on dog) Santorum, Mike (why don’t the evangelicals love me?) Huckabee, Lindsay (Joe Lieberman’s BFF) Graham and whoever else there is still out there on the stump.

    And they’re off!…there you have it…Bob’s your Uncle…quick as a Bunny…Jeb! is the underdog come from behind dark horse winner of the GOP nomination. A prediction I make un-ironically and with a healthy dose of mixed metaphors.

  42. 42
    skjellyfetti says:

    Oh look. Another blog post made-up almost entirely of tweets. How mundane.

    I guess that one wasn’t on your New Year’s resolutions list…

  43. 43
    Just One More Canuck says:

    @skjellyfetti: I suppose you could just not read it and move on with your life. Instead you feel it necessary to make a snide, pathetic comment

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