Late Night Open Thread: Problem Solved

I always figured Jabba bought Leia for the same reason modern-day drug lords buy white tigers — as an exotic, somewhat dangerous “pet” to highlight his wealth and power. And, of course, when someone spends that much on a trophy livestock specimen, they want to show it off to best effect. Jabba’s mistake was assuming he could copy “best display, nubile human female” from the pin-ups and tattoos favored by the human scum villains at the Mos Eisley cantina…






49 replies
  1. 1
    redshirt says:

    That’s exactly why Jabba kept Leia prisoner..

    Also, to go along with his Han wall piece.

  2. 2
    Yutsano says:

    Slavery was not unknown on Tattooine. I doubt very few would have thought much of her being his slave since that was part of the local culture and the prequels named the Hutts as the primary rulers. I’m sure Jabba didn’t expect his latest acquisition to be so feisty however.

    And yes I know I referenced the dreaded prequels. Don’t care.

  3. 3
    sigaba says:

    And yes I know I referenced the dreaded prequels. Don’t care.

    I call no more ostentatious denunciations of the prequels. This thread only.

  4. 4
    Eric U. says:

    @sigaba: let us speak no more of the prequels, ever again.

  5. 5
    guachi says:

    From what I can see, Ford, Fisher, and Hammil all are cool adults – in their own way.

    And Hammil publicly backed the MST3K Kickstarter that is ongoing. So he’s extra cool in my book.

  6. 6
    sigaba says:

    And Hammil publicly backed the MST3K Kickstarter that is ongoing. So he’s extra cool in my book.

    Defibrillating a dead horse. And I say this as someone who owns 20 MST box sets, grew up in Minnesota and watched Joel religiously on KTMA. I dunno what has possessed him to try to restart the whole thing. It had its time, and it was amazing.

  7. 7
    Peale says:

    @Yutsano: so if the Hutts are the rulers, does that mean that Hutt is the tribal or family name? I thought a Hutt was a species.

  8. 8
    sigaba says:

    @Peale: The Hutts are a band. Like KISS. One recognizable identity but many non-overlapping members.

  9. 9
    Seanly says:

    Jabba catches her when she’s disguised as a bounty hunter bringing in Chewbacca.

  10. 10
    Suzanne says:

    Carrie Fisher is amazing. So funny. I hope the new movie gives her the opportunity to be hilarious.

    @sigaba: Deal. As long as no one mentions the goddamn frog.

  11. 11
    Anne Laurie says:

    @redshirt:

    Also, to go along with his Han wall piece.

    It really tied the room together, man!!!

  12. 12
    sigaba says:

    @Suzanne: You-sa take-a un-a bongo.

  13. 13
    Suzanne says:

    @Anne Laurie: I bet there were classy end tables in that room.

  14. 14
    Suzanne says:

    @sigaba: The prequels weren’t funny. I am hoping for some moments of levity.

    FLY CASUAL!

  15. 15
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I like this version better:

    How about telling [the man who complained about the doll to tell] his daughter that the character is wearing that outfit not because she’s chosen to wear it. She’s been forced to wear it. She’s a prisoner of a giant testicle who has a lot of saliva going on and she does not want to wear that thing and it’s ultimately that chain, which you’re now indicating is some sort of accessory to S&M, that is used to kill the giant saliva testicle. … That’s asinine.

  16. 16

    @Suzanne:

    We’ve been re-watching the original trilogy at work (because we’re nerdy like that) and people forget what smartasses all of the characters were. Even Obi-Wan has his moments.

  17. 17
    Suzanne says:

    @Mnemosyne (tablet): That’s what made them great. They are FUN. The prequels were fuckin’ boring.

  18. 18
    JasonF says:

    @redshirt: As has been pointed out, Jabba didn’t buy Leia, he captured her. And by the time he did so, she had already freed Han, so slave Leia couldn’t really be a companion piece to wall-art Han.

  19. 19
    NickM says:

    The giant slug’s name? George Lucas.

  20. 20
    piratedan7 says:

    @sigaba: well don’t worry about it, there are at least 30k+ who don’t agree and at least some of us are going to see some new MST3K. It won’t be the same, it will be different and considering what populates most of TV these days, I’ll be plenty damn grateful that they at least tried.

  21. 21
    goblue72 says:

    @Eric U.: Meessa no understand why botha by prequels?

  22. 22

    @Suzanne:

    I still don’t understand how George Lucas went from the guy who specifically wanted a grungy, lived-in universe with lots of chipped paint to the one who wanted shiny perfection. I know he felt that using other directors got too far away from his original vision, but you can’t get much further than the distance between “Star Wars” and “The Phantom Menace.”

  23. 23
    Geoduck says:

    For Hammill fans, he’s also reprising his role as the Trickster on the Flash TV series.

  24. 24
    Suzanne says:

    @Mnemosyne (tablet): He also found the Most Annoying Kid in the World. So glad Abrams is running this one.

  25. 25
    piratedan7 says:

    @Suzanne: wasn’t a fan of Hayden either, but then again, with that cheesy dialogue, perhaps we’re being too unkind…..

  26. 26
    Suzanne says:

    @piratedan7: I’m referring to Jake Lloyd.

  27. 27
    piratedan7 says:

    @Suzanne: well, tough to get a kid to handle that role imho, so I gave him a pass. I mean, not every kid is a Caulkin or a Radcliffe

  28. 28
    ruemara says:

    @Geoduck: HAMILL. “Hammill”, is not an actor in Star Wars. Mark Hamill, rather nice guy, has a face full of fuzz, is. Hammill is an institute, any number of small businesses and a paper company, but not an actor.

  29. 29
    VFX Lurker says:

    I wasted this weekend debating with people on friends’ Facebook posts about gun legislation. Short version: just about everyone on Facebook has made up their minds on this subject. I saw gun owners arguing with each other about the need for stricter gun legislation — some want it, others fear that even the slightest effort will lead to tyranny. I also blocked a few strangers who ran onto the debate field screaming that 50-70 million babies/children have died since 1973, so we shouldn’t say one word about the thousands of Americans slaughtered by guns every year. I thought about calling them out on their bullshit, but I realized my time could be better spent.

    I just faxed my federal Representative and Senators to support their records on gun legislation. I also made these three requests:

    — lift the 1996 restrictions on CDC firearms research
    — increase funding for the successful “Ceasefire” program
    make the NRA safety rules federal law

    I hope the above three requests are possible in today’s Republican-addled Congress.

    I plan to fax my elected state officials next. Because California law doesn’t need the approval of Senators from Florida or Texas, I will make stronger demands of my state officials.

  30. 30
    different-church-lady says:

    @Eric U.: “STAR WARS, EPISODE NEGATIVE 2: THE FORCE SLUMBERS” COMING SUMMER 2033

  31. 31
    Bruce K says:

    Is it me, or is it a common trait of jerks with lots of power that they don’t seem to understand that there may be limits to that power?

    See Jabba. See Palpatine. See Tarkin. See Donald Rumsfeld. See Donald Trump. See Dick Cheney.

    (Darth Vader doesn’t seem to fit the pattern, at least not in the Original Trilogy. Maybe he mellowed somewhat in between the trilogies?)

  32. 32
    sparrow says:

    @VFX Lurker: Very good points to bring up. Ceasefire is indeed a great program (have you read David Kennedy’s book)?

  33. 33
    Shakezula says:

    Tell them real princesses don’t like costumes based on Boris Vallejo calendars.

    I like really Fisher. I’m glad she survived and hope she is cracking wise when she’s 112.

    @Suzanne: I always assumed he was the relative of someone who has serious dirt on Lucas. The little poppet could not act.

  34. 34
    Geeno says:

    @efgoldman: Apparently Jabba was a teabagger

  35. 35
    Scapegoat says:

    Shorter GOP: “Jabba 2016!”

  36. 36
    Chris says:

    @Scapegoat:

    They’re finally rallying to Chris Christie?

  37. 37
    SFAW says:

    @Scapegoat:

    Shorter GOP: “Jabba 2016!”

    No doubt they’ll have a poster or some such of Hillary with her hair done up in the Princess Leia Earmuff/Headphone style.

  38. 38
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Mnemosyne (tablet): I always assumed Lucas was trying to draw a historical contrast: Star Wars takes place during Empire days when everything has been frayed around the edges by evil taking over the galaxy, whereas the prequel trilogy goes back to the late Golden Age when everything was shinier and shows how it started to rot. The interesting thing, though, is that the society of the Golden Age is portrayed as not really that much better than the Empire.

  39. 39
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @SFAW: “Ha, ha, Hillary is just like this awesome character everyone loves.”

  40. 40
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Bruce K: Vader in the original trilogy is portrayed as a pretty smart guy, except that he screws up sometimes because of his personal family obsession, not because of overweening hubris. He’s always got to be the one to go in personally after Luke Skywalker, and it creates holes in his plans.

    He leaves the self-destructive hubris to his boss. And he’s got some kind of plan to kill his boss and take over, but… it requires turning Luke Skywalker, because of course it requires turning Luke Skywalker.

  41. 41
    Sasha says:

    @Bruce K:

    (Darth Vader doesn’t seem to fit the pattern, at least not in the Original Trilogy. Maybe he mellowed somewhat in between the trilogies?)

    In fairness, Anakin/Vader learned a *hell* of a lesson in humility between the trilogies.

  42. 42
    Sasha says:

    @Matt McIrvin: Indeed. Part of the subtext is that that perfection comes at the cost of sterility, inflexibility, and stagnation.

  43. 43
    SFAW says:

    @Matt McIrvin:

    If it made sense, it wouldn’t be a Republican “idea.”

    (Which might work as a bumper-sticker-like saying, albeit a long bumper sticker.)

  44. 44
    SFAW says:

    @Sasha:

    perfection comes at the cost of sterility, inflexibility, and stagnation.

    Then why ain’t I perfect?

  45. 45
    Enhanced Voting Techinques says:

    Does it say something that Return of the Jedi has countless scenes of hundreds of people killed in various nasty ways, including smashed against trees and feed alive to animals, but everyone obsesses over a woman in a bikini that would be considered a tad modest and ornate at the beach?

  46. 46
    Oatler. says:

    There’s nothing like that metal bikini to stir the memories of millions of once-young “OMG I love the 80s!” spuds who fapped furiously to that hardware.

  47. 47

    @Enhanced Voting Techinques:

    I think it mostly says that thousands — if not millions — of hetero boys saw the film at a crucial point in adolescence.

    Also that the hundreds of people and animals who were “killed” weren’t really killed, but Carrie Fisher really had to put that costume on her real body and let millions of people see it.

    Personally, I’d kind of like to see her own it a little more (like yep, I sure was hot, and then I killed the bad guy) but since she’s both a writer/actress and the daughter of a movie star, it sounds like she has more body insecurities than the average actress her age.

  48. 48
    VFX Lurker says:

    @sparrow:

    Very good points to bring up. Ceasefire is indeed a great program (have you read David Kennedy’s book)?

    I have not yet read his book, but thank you for the recommendation. I should check it out. I found out about the program through a link to an article about it on Facebook.

  49. 49
    Citizen_X says:

    @Enhanced Voting Techinques:

    everyone obsesses over a woman in a bikini that would be considered a tad modest and ornate at the beach

    True, but it is a metal bikini, e.g. cold, rigid, and in close contact with all the sensitive parts.

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