Freudian Twit (Updated)

Front page news in our local rag: an idiot in Tampa set up a website that urges people to purchase cigars that the site will then forward to Hillary Clinton’s campaign headquarters. Why cigars? Because Bill Clinton famously cheated on the cackling shrew in 1998 (who could blame him, amirite?), and there was a cigar involved (hur-hur, geddit?), and this is SEE-gar City.

cigaridiots

While the site contains some information about the supposed sins of Hillary Clinton herself (in the form of regurgitated Fox News talking points), the copy and graphics focus mostly on Lewinsky and blow jobs, giving the impression that Hillary Clinton’s primary transgression was marrying a horn-dog.

The site owner-moran claims his scheme is about more than putting an uppity bitch in her place — it’s to raise money for a “military-related charity.” Alas, an excerpt from the site:

Our originally intended charity has asked that we do not donate our proceeds to them; as such we are actively seeking new charities benefiting Veterans.

It was the Wounded Warrior Project that declined the donation, and good for them. The site owner claims to be a libertarian, so he’ll probably just form his own charity and pocket the funds as Baby Jeebus prophesied in the Book of Rand.

ETA: And now the cigar company, J.C. Newman Cigar Co. of Ybor City, has declined to participate as well, and good for them. Looks like “no cigar” for the No Cigar circle o’jerks.






83 replies
  1. 1
    scav says:

    Those Nigerians really only needed to alter their pitch a teeny bit and they’d have outpaced Oil in the Naija GDP.

  2. 2
    Sherparick says:

    The Left has always had its issues with the Clinton, but the over the top offensive by the Right against them ultimately makes us rally to their cause. I expect that there are a lot a white women who did not vote for Obama who after 18 months of this will charge the Gates of Hell to vote for Hilary.

  3. 3
    ThresherK says:

    Nothing is ever just a cigar to those forever hunting the Clenis, is it?

  4. 4
    TG Chicago says:

    I was initially assuming that the scam involved a tie to the cigar makers, but it looks like they’re having a hard time sourcing cigars as well.

    I guess they’ll get ad revenue from page hits and can likely sell the email/mailing list they compile to some goldbug or snakeoil salesman.

    One thing they complain about is Clinton’s “volatile emotional state”. What’s their evidence of this? Supposedly it was “demonstrated throughout her many recent hearings”, but I’m not aware of it at all.

    EDIT TO ADD: Their compilation of headlines isn’t really damning at all. But I love that in one of the headline images, they somehow failed to crop out an unrelated sidebar story that includes the word “Nazis”. Quite a coincidence, I’m sure.

  5. 5

    I thought nothing was going to make me smile for the rest of the day, until I got to the Wounded Warrior Project’s refusing the tobacco-monger’s kind offer. I authentically laughed out loud, which happens a lot less often than LOL posts would have you think.

  6. 6
    boatboy_srq says:

    form his own charity and pocket the funds as Baby Jeebus prophesied in the Book of Rand

    That’s the best distillation of Atlas Barfed that I’ve seen yet.

  7. 7
    Peale says:

    Her sin wasn’t being married to a horndog – it was shamelessly not divorcing him while being a screeching feminazi telling your wife she didn’t have to put up with your crap and maybe you could help out with the dishes

    Gotta keep up.

  8. 8
    MattF says:

    Just because the tactic of dissing Hillary for Bill’s misbehavior didn’t work the first 45,239 times it was tried doesn’t mean it won’t this time.

  9. 9
    jonas says:

    Can we somehow raise money off sending pictures of dead Iraqis to George W. Bush?

  10. 10
    MattF says:

    @TG Chicago: ‘Volatile emotional state’ = female.

  11. 11
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Oh. Yeah, this makes sense.

  12. 12
    ms_canadada says:

    “The site owner claims to be a libertarian, so he’ll probably just form his own charity and pocket the funds as Baby Jeebus prophesied in the Book of Rand.”
    Or the book of Princess Dumb Ass of the Northwoods (h/t Charlie Pierce).

  13. 13
    c u n d gulag says:

    I’m going to start my own website:
    “Send a 6-pack of Beer and a Bag of Pretzels to Jeb Bush!”

    His brother George gave up drinking (allegedly), and still almost choked on a pretzel (allegedly).

    Get it?
    Har-har!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. 14
    Bobby B. says:

    @ThresherK: Sometimes a penis is just a penis. Florida included.

  15. 15
    sharl says:

    Raven and other veterans here really need to get in on this hot, hot mil-grifting action. GUARANTEED PAYDAYS, BITCHEZ! KA-CHING!!$$!

  16. 16
    LWA (Liberal With Attitude) says:

    It was Bill Clinton that converted me from a Reagan Republican in 1992 to a squish Democrat by 2000.

    Or rather, it was the rightwing campaign against him that made me disgusted and shamed to be on their team.

    I remember wondering how many women put themselves in Hillary’s shoes and regardless of political viewpoint, developed a deep respect and admiration for her grace.

    So I suspect this sort of thing will gratify the old men who are gratified by this sort of thing, and repulse everyone else.

  17. 17

    Glad to see Wounded Warrior Project passed on this donation.

    As for the rest – SSDD.

  18. 18
    Mike J says:

    @c u n d gulag: Could you have them send the beer and pretzels to me? I’m going to a cookout Saturday and haven’t really decided on a dish to bring yet.

  19. 19
    Lee says:

    @LWA (Liberal With Attitude):

    Or rather, it was the rightwing campaign against him that made me disgusted and shamed to be on their team.

    That as well was a significant moment in my political life.

  20. 20
    gf120581 says:

    The gender gap in this election is going to be the size of the Grand fucking Canyon.

  21. 21
    srv says:

    Sometimes distasteful things have to be done to avoid an even more odious result.

    Why hasn’t this guy contacted Oath Keepers?

  22. 22
    NotMax says:

    Wasn’t Wounded Warriors outed as a griftmill not all that long ago?

  23. 23
    Tractarian says:

    Does anyone else think this is a false-flag operation by the Clinton campaign?

    I mean, really, what’s the point of “reminding” people of Bill’s transgressions if not to engender sympathy for Hillary?

    I’m only half joking, really.

  24. 24
    Lee says:

    It was the Wounded Warrior Project that declined the donation….

    I’m seeing a significant number of Vets on my FB feed questioning their support for R’s without question.

    This story got a lot of traction with them.

  25. 25
    Arclite says:

    It was the Wounded Warrior Project that declined the donation, and good for them. The site owner claims to be a libertarian, so he’ll probably just form his own charity and pocket the funds as Baby Jeebus prophesied in the Book of Rand.

    Of course he should keep the money. Depriving him might cause him to Go Galt, and then the economy would falter!

  26. 26
    Amir Khalid says:

    Not too long ago I expressed surprise that anyone would hold Bill’s affair against Hillary, who was obviously the wronged party in the matter. But this disgusting person isn’t holding it against her, is he; he’s just looking to humiliate her again over it. It’s a crude attempt at sexist bullying. Fortunately, she’s way too strong a person to buckle over this.

    The Wounded Warrior Project and the J.C. Newman Cigar Co. were quite right to want nothing to do with it.

  27. 27
    Mike J says:

    Wow:
    Ta-Nehisi Coates

    That moment when researching the history of BPD’s dirty tricks and you come across a familiar name. Your father’s.

    https://twitter.com/tanehisicoates/status/593237776084119553/photo/1

  28. 28

    The site owner claims to be a libertarian

    Another reminder, folks, that libertarians are regular old Republicans who wanted a cooler name.

  29. 29

    OT, but my plan to get myself to the Ft. Myers airport via O’Hare went perfectly and I arrived 20 minutes ahead of schedule. Unfortunately, my mom’s plane was delayed in Atlanta with no solid ETA.

    At least this airport has a Jose Cuervo Tequilaria. And TWO Dunkin Donuts.

  30. 30

    Yeah. My mother spent two decades doing donor relations for the University of Michigan. One of the things she always emphasized is that you MUST know when to walk away from a donor. It could be over ethically dubious (or worse than dubious, like this case) behavior or conditions they put on the donation, or whatever. There comes a point where have to be willing to tell them to keep their money.

    She laughed when I told her about the University of North Dakota funding their hockey program through a mobbed-up Nazi lover.

  31. 31
    bemused says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    Redemption is only for conservatives.

  32. 32
    scav says:

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): Essentials both, although I’m not entirely sure about the both together. Depends on the context perhaps. Good luck.

  33. 33
    jl says:

    Rand Paul is investigating the imminent federal military coup plotting to take over Texas.
    HRC is the one who is really behind it no doubt.
    Look for an info bleg on Paul’s campaign website later today.

    It will sink her campaign. HRC is done!

  34. 34
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone): If you were in REAL Florida, there would be a Krispy Kreme! Hope your mom arrives soon.

  35. 35
    Cervantes says:

    @TG Chicago:

    One thing they complain about is Clinton’s “volatile emotional state”. What’s their evidence of this?

    She cried at a Congressional hearing on Benghazi.

    Then again, Laura Ingraham said Clinton was faking it.

  36. 36

    @NotMax:

    Yep. And when a noted griftmill doesn’t want your dirty money …

  37. 37

    @Betty Cracker:

    It’s how I know I’m in Klassy Florida, where Chicago women who wear blazers with jeans and carry Town and Country as their light reading come for vacation.

  38. 38
    bemused says:

    I just turned on msnbc and they are having a poll, do you think Freddie Gray injured himself or not. Jesus.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):
    @Betty Cracker:
    I’ve tried Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Kreme. If you blindfolded me and fed me one of each, I couldn’t tell which was which. But I hear (some) Americans have very strong opinions on which is better.

  41. 41
    dmsilev says:

    @jl:

    Rand Paul is investigating the imminent federal military coup plotting to take over Texas.

    Lead by Zombie Phil Sheridan, one presumes.

    (“If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell”)

  42. 42

    @Amir Khalid:

    Dunkin Donuts has more flavors. And they’re not quite as perfectly round. Taste-wise, most mass-market donuts are pretty much the same.

  43. 43
    catclub says:

    @NotMax: Not sure it was Wounded Warriors, but I am pretty sure that Hannity was in on whichever one was a grift.

  44. 44
    Mike J says:

    @Amir Khalid: Krispy Kreme is just sugarsugarsugar. To be fair, Dunkin is mostly sugar, but at least they have different flavors.

    I’m not a huge fan of doughnuts either way, but if forced to get one I’d go for a nice jelly or maybe a creme filled from Dunkin.

  45. 45
  46. 46
    germy shoemangler says:

    @Cervantes: They claimed she was faking her illness, and then claimed she was unfit because of her illness. Karl Rove commenting on her glasses.

  47. 47
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Amir Khalid: I am astonished that you couldn’t tell the difference! Dunkin sells little round, beveled cakes with a hole in the middle. That’s fine — I’ve got nothing against cakes! But it’s not a doughnut.

    Krispy Kreme sells doughnuts! When you bite into a Krispy Kreme, you don’t get a mouthful of yellow cake and icing that you have to chew up and swallow as if you were the guest of honor at a birthday party — not that there’s anything wrong with that! No, instead, you get lighter-than-air, lightly-glazed fried dough that just melts in your mouth.

  48. 48
    trollhattan says:

    @Mike J:
    Krispy Kreme arrived in my slice of California maybe fifteen years ago, making a big splash with their contrived “traffic control nightmares” and all that sweet free evening news time. “It’s pandemonium here in Elk Grove, back to you, Stan and Margaret.”

    Anyway, as far as I could tell when they started showing up in the office was their secret involves not completely cooking the things, as they were all nearly raw in the center. Maybe that appeals to those attracted to raw cookie dough (ugh) but I couldn’t stand them. They all disappeared during the recession, to which I say good riddance.

    Never had DD and have yet to actually see one, but their coffee sometimes appears on supermarket shelves. As to why that happens I have not the foggiest.

    With that out of the way, tequila and donuts might not be such a bad airport meal idea. (Too bad it’s not “real” tequila.)

  49. 49
    Cervantes says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    Which kind is this?

  50. 50
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Betty Cracker: Betty, you’re a poet! I was in the middle of trying to draft a paean to Krispy Kreme, found I couldn’t do the subject justice — and then you come along, do it much better, and save me the trouble!

  51. 51
    Belafon says:

    We have a Dunkin Donuts in town, and I don’t have to drive too far to get a Krispy Kreme. That’s why I prefer all of the little donut shops here in Texas that seem to be run by Asian families.

  52. 52
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Betty Cracker:
    I see you’re one of those with a strong opinion. :)

  53. 53
    Peale says:

    @Amir Khalid: Krispy Kreme are fried bready donuts. Dunkin’ Donuts are fried cakey donuts. For those of us who care, cakey donuts are better for dunking in coffee. Bready donuts don’t soak up the coffee as well. However, Dunkin still doesn’t fry most of its donuts long enough for that to matter. Even their “coffee sticks”, which are supposed to be designed like crullers for dunking in coffee, dissolve when soaked too long.

    Now, I can go on about the history of these items and which are based western european and which are based on central european baking cultures, but that’s probably more than anyone wants to know.

  54. 54
    Peale says:

    @Betty Cracker: I can’t believe how wrong you are. Normally I like you. You are one of my favorite people in the world. But you are so wrong in your. I can’t even.

    :-)

  55. 55
    shortstop says:

    Mmmm, rank sexism and donuts…

  56. 56
    Iowa Old Lady says:

    I see Rs have already begun alienating women the way they alienated African Americans because they can’t keep their true feelings from showing. They don’t even know they should try.

  57. 57
    jl says:

    @Peale: I’m all ears on some donut history.

    My reaction to Krispy Kremes is that their design and preparation are aimed at maximum sugar high. I wonder if they have figured out a way to freebase refined sugar. For me the first couple were a rush, then after a few more, that is really enough for a lifetime. I’d prefer a regular plain old raised donut from any competent donut shop from now on.

    Little bakery makes fantastic beignets every Sunday morning. I will be loyal to those all my life.

  58. 58
    shortstop says:

    @Iowa Old Lady: They are quite reptilian with zero impulse control. But it makes a fresh change from the virulent racism, no?

  59. 59

    @shortstop: …Another day at Balloon Juice, I tell ya.

    And…mmmmmm….donuts…

  60. 60
    jl says:

    @dmsilev: Sheridan would be the right man. Anyone check Sheridan’s tomb to see if he is still there? That would be a tell, fer sher.

  61. 61
    boatboy_srq says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    lighter-than-air, lightly-glazed fried dough that just melts in your mouth

    … and congeals promptly around your waist. ,-)

    And ditto Peale.

    I was raised in Dunkin country, so for me Krispy Kreme is one of those foreign foods. I’ve had them, but reconciling them with “doughnut” is kinda hard, especially when side-by-side with a Dunkin’s glazed. I suppose it’s a variation of the Waffle House v. Friendly’s national divide except that we agree on the political stuff.

  62. 62

    In case the suspense is killing anyone, my mom’s plane is supposed to land on about 20 minutes. No word yet on whether we’ll be stopping for donuts and/or tequila.

  63. 63
    Cervantes says:

    @Mnemosyne (iPhone):

    In case the suspense is killing anyone

    Too late.

  64. 64
    NorthLeft12 says:

    I am sure this RWNJ and his fellow travelers will soon be whining and wailing about how his freedom of speech is being curtailed by the meanies on the left.

    The unanswerable question: Just how stupid are these guys?

  65. 65
    jl says:

    Thing with me about Krispy Kreme is that once in the South, I ran into one of those Krispy Kreme outlets that is like a donut Disneyland. Big glass walled thing with an open production line and you could see every stage of Krispy Kreme donut creation. I had never imagined such a thing existed in this world. I walked in and thrilled as I watched the glazed donuts roll on belts through the sugar glazing machine. They had every kind of Krispy Kreme donut you could imagine.

    I was at a conference, and bought a big box of them, took it back to hotel room to nibble on through the next three days.

    Towards the end of the box, something happened. I didn’t want to see another one for a long time, and that feeling is still with me.

    Had a similar experience with tequila. The process of disillusionment with the product was a bit more overtly physical, but that is another story.

  66. 66
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Betty Cracker:
    I’ve only ever had KK and DD right here in Malaysia, so that might have something to do with it.

  67. 67
    sacrablue says:

    @boatboy_srq: I actually miss Friendly’s, I vaguely recall a hot fudge sundae cake (or maybe that was from Frisch’s Big Boy). Still, Friendly’s was an occasional guilty pleasure twenty-five years ago.

  68. 68

    @jl:
    I think the key thing is that Krispy Kreme donuts is that they are much better fresh out of the machine then they are after they’ve been sitting around for a while. When they’re fresh and hot out of the machine, the oil hasn’t congealed yet, and they just dissolve in your mouth like a slightly more substantial version of cotton candy. After they’ve cooled and sat for a couple of days, the magic is gone. The fat congeals unappealingly, the body gets stale and a little bit tough, and there just isn’t enough body for the amount of pure sweet and fat. Cake donuts never have that same melt-in-your-mouth stage, but they last a lot better.

  69. 69
    trollhattan says:

    @jl:

    My reaction to Krispy Kremes is that their design and preparation are aimed at maximum sugar high. I wonder if they have figured out a way to freebase refined sugar. For me the first couple were a rush, then after a few more, that is really enough for a lifetime.

    You could be on to something; any chance Krispy Kreme was founded by a heroin addict?

  70. 70
    jl says:

    @Roger Moore:

    What you say is true. But we may have different tastes.

    “a slightly more substantial version of cotton candy”

    To my taste, that quip sums up Krispy Kremes nicely. It was the cotton candy aspect that suddenly produced my disillusion, not that they became slightly stale. If I had been able to walk across the street and get freshly baked ones every few hours, I probably would have tired (or sickened?) of them more quickly.

  71. 71
    jl says:

    Oh, Canada! I think Canada has the best junk food joints and snacks.
    Besides Tastykakes and some other Phillyfood.

  72. 72
    Betty Cracker says:

    @jl: I had a similar experience as a child. Lured by the “Hot Doughnuts” sign, my parents stopped by the Krispy Kreme store (also with the glass wall, conveyor belt thingy) on the way to the beach and bought at least a dozen — maybe even 18. They made the terrible mistake of passing the box to the backseat, where my sister and I gorged on them until we vomited all over the car. Our dad was PISSED.

    @Roger Moore: This is true.

  73. 73
    Hal says:

    I finally remembered what this cigar stunt reminded me of:

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/924235.stm

    Rick Lazio also seized an early opportunity to refer to the Monica Lewinsky affair, and accused Mrs Clinton of guilt by association with her husband.

    When questioned directly about it, she showed a rare glimpse of vulnerability, saying it had been a very painful time for her, and that she still could not look at it from the perspective of history.

    She also said when news of the affair first emerged, she did not know the truth behind the accusations.

    The same people who will vote for diaper Dave or Mark Sanford no problem also think Hillary is responsible for her husband’s affairs, or that that affair is hilarious.

  74. 74
    jl says:

    @Betty Cracker: I vomited with the tequila. I just got tired of the Krispy Kremes. But your experience did not cure you of them? It seems not.

    I’ve only seem those Krispy Kreme Disneyland outlets in the South. Is that a Southern thing? Wiki says that it is based in NC. Wow, NC must be littered with Krispy Kreme donut thrill ride outlets.

  75. 75
    Randy Khan says:

    @trollhattan: I don’t want to suggest I’m a devotee of either, but Krispy Kreme is sort of a classic donut, and fresh out of the fryer they’re very light, almost like eating very sweet air. Dunkin Donuts sells both that kind of donut – although I’ve never had one that was like a Krispy Kreme right out of the fryer – and cake donuts, which are much more substantial.

  76. 76
    Betty Cracker says:

    @jl: It only cured me for a day. These days I have maybe one doughnut per year, but not because I don’t want them — I just don’t want to wear them on my ass forever!

  77. 77
    shortstop says:

    @Roger Moore: This. If the hot light ain’t on, keep driving.

    I say this even though I don’t eat doughnuts any more. I love to smell them being made, though.

  78. 78
    Bobby Thomson says:

    Krispy Kreme sells balls of grease. Not that Dunkin Donuts sells health food, but I’ve never understood the love for KK. Gross, unhealthy, unappetizing.

  79. 79
    Yatsuno says:

    @jl: Timmy’s? Timmy’s! I actually went there 3 times last weekend I was in Vancouver. Granted that was mostly Timbit runs, but still…TIMBITS!!!

  80. 80
    Interrobang says:

    Krispy Kreme also died an ignoble death here in Soviet Canuckistan; compared to Tim Horton’s, which everyone has grown up on, they’re utterly gross. Also, they pack their doughnuts full of whey powder and Timmie’s doesn’t.

  81. 81
    Cervantes says:

    @Hal:

    The same people who will vote for diaper Dave or Mark Sanford no problem also think Hillary is responsible for her husband’s affairs, or that that affair is hilarious.

    Misogynists.

  82. 82
    Hal says:

    @Interrobang:

    Krispy Kreme also died an ignoble death here in Soviet Canuckistan; compared to Tim Horton’s, which everyone has grown up on, they’re utterly gross. Also, they pack their doughnuts full of whey powder and Timmie’s doesn’t.

    I grew up in western NY on the canadian border. Left when I was in my early 20’s and moved back 4 years ago. My cousin picked me up from the Amtrak station (P.S. Amtrak from San Francisco to Buffalo, NY gets tiresome very quickly) and as she was driving me home, I noticed there were Tim Horton’s everywhere. Places I grew up with that were abandoned fields, old gas stations, old long closed restaurants; all Timmy Ho’s. They moved in swiftly and took over. A change from San Francisco with Starbucks on every corner.

  83. 83
    Tree With Water says:

    Again, what decent person wouldn’t rise to Hillary’s defense against such an attack? Every such instance serves to bolster her standing among democrats inclined to be swayed by such things. Viciousness of the attacks aside, that damned formula is made to order for any political candidate to exploit, much less a woman who has steadily maintained her poise in the face of a 25 year steady onslaught of cruel and vicious attacks. As someone who admires that quality in her, and yet believes her unfit for the presidency, it is a damnable political equation.

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