Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

The GOP clown car is preparing to officially disgorge another occupant: Marco Rubio. Some analysts question the 40-something freshman senator’s decision to run for president this year, but he knows it’s now or never.

Rubio’s chief selling point has always been his symmetrical features and crisp haircut. But since he got to the US Senate, his hairline has been retreating faster than CIA operatives under fire at the Bay of Pigs, so he must strike while the iron is…hirsute. (For the record, I think bald is beautiful as long as the shiny pate doesn’t enclose a wizened lizard brain.)

Hillary Clinton’s announcement yesterday preemptively stomped Rubio’s big reveal today, turning his Twitter account into the saddest feed emanating from that platform — like a determinedly chirpy recitation of positive affirmations prior to an epic pantsing. Rubio even pathetically retweeted the following tidbit from a local reporter earlier today:

More than 3,500 people wanted tickets to see Marco Rubio’s presidential announcement on Monday — requests that came in from every state except Vermont, aides say.

The Freedom Tower room Rubio is using in Miami only holds 1,000 people. To accommodate others, the campaign will bring out a jumbotron at a location across the street.

I don’t know what’s sadder — that he booked a room that only holds a thousand people or that his aides are mentioning the 3,500 alleged ticket-coveters as if flashing bank from a Bieber-One Direction reunion show. But CNN is happy to hold Rubio’s jock, at least for now:

The adviser said Rubio did a call with donors Monday morning where said he was running. Rubio is scheduled to publicly announce his bid later tonight to offer a pitch supporters say only he is qualified to give: a promise to restore the American Dream, from a son of Cuban exiles who’s lived it.

Only Rubio’s parents aren’t exiles at all, as was revealed after Rubio built a political career in South Florida with that falsehood as its centerpiece. The senior Rubios were economic refugees who fled the plutocratic US-backed Batista regime — two years before Castro ran it off the island.

There’s nothing in the world wrong with the senior Rubios’ immigrant story (if you’re a Democrat, anyway). But maybe CNN should call out the “exiles” lie since it’s bullshit on stilts? If they’re not too busy chronicling the evolution of Hillary’s hairbands or something?

Anyway, Rubio — running! Latino friends have been telling me for years that white Republicans are making a huge mistake if they think nominating a so-called Cuban exile (a fake one, as it turns out) would be effective outreach to Hispanics. That theory will be put to the test now that the GOP has two on the hustings! I look forward to the Cruz vs Rubio steel-cage Fidel Castro hate-off.

141 replies
  1. 1
    Elizabelle says:

    What a joke. Curb thy ego.

    Although we know it’s all about grifting, and raising the profile of the personal brand.

    Gots nothing to do about governing well.

  2. 2
    Mike in NC says:

    The Bush Crime Syndicate will crush poor Mario like a bug.

  3. 3
    muddy says:

    I’m totally down with bald. That’s what you’re born with, who cares? But a comb-over seems to me to be evidence of poor judgment. I mean, if you want to lie, you have to be able to actually fool people. If you can’t it just seems pitiful.

  4. 4
    Josie says:

    I have lived all my life in an area with at least 85% Hispanic people, and I can attest to the fact that they do not care that much for Cubans. They will not be impressed with a Cuban nominee unless he supports a really progressive immigration policy. I am hoping that Hillary selects Julian Castro for the VP slot. He is a true Hispanic and could make a huge difference.

  5. 5
    Belafon says:

    And it’ll be a Raul Castro hate-off which will actually just piss more people off.

  6. 6
    geg6 says:

    Heh. Just as we finally decide that that island 90 miles from Florida Man isn’t so bad after all. Cool cars, good food, excellent rum and cigars, great music and the cheapest island experience in the northern hemisphere.

  7. 7
    Belafon says:

    @Josie:

    I am hoping that Hillary selects Julian Castro for the VP slot. He is a true Hispanic and could make a huge difference.

    I am too, and that might get a few more Latino’s here in Texas excited.

  8. 8
    MattF says:

    @Elizabelle: Has something to do with vanity. After all, so many people are telling Marco that he’d be a super Prezident that he really has no choice. That guy who shows up behind the mirror every morning is particularly convincing.

  9. 9
    Amir Khalid says:

    @geg6:
    If you announced that Lovey was running for president, I think she’d be a better and more popular candidate than Marco Rubio.

  10. 10
    Valdivia says:

    The Buzzfeed crew also published quite a hagiography of a piece. I have no idea why so many in the political media see him as the dark horse that will win it all in the end.

  11. 11

    I work about five blocks from the Freedom Tower, and I’m guessing it’s going to make traffic going home even more fun.

    Not even Cubans under the age of 70 give a rat’s patootie about the Castro brothers. All they want is to be the first to open a NAPA Auto Parts shop in Havana and supply parts to the old cars.

    He’s going to end up as the veep nominee for Scott Walker. And when that’s over and done with, having given up his Senate seat, he’ll be a lobbyist with Eric Cantor or a Fox News “analyst” with Ted Nugent.

    ETA: His dad was in one of the many groups that fought Batista in the mid-50’s and ended up backing the wrong group of thugs. He moved to Texas to go to college in ’57 and probably overstayed his visa.

  12. 12
    muddy says:

    @Amir Khalid: And she’s tough on defense!

  13. 13
    Mike J says:

    His twitter feed is counting down like it’s waiting for preloaded GTA V to unlock (which is does at 4pm PDT).

  14. 14
    Punchy says:

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit a minute. There’s a “Freedom Tower”? That’s its fo-rizzle moniker? Does one take a Liberty Lift up to the Straights-Only Suite where this abortion is being held?

  15. 15
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Elizabelle: Normally, I’d concur, but it looks like he’s actually giving up his senate seat for this campaign. Maybe he’s been assured of a Fox News chair if (when) he washes out?

    @Belafon: You’d think so, but I rarely hear the people who are stuck in 1959 (even if they were born a decade or so later) speak of Raul. It’s Fidel, always Fidel.

    Some reporter friends down in S. Florida tell me the City of Miami has a “Fidel Castro Dies” civic emergency plan filed away with the hurricane evacuation plans. I predict that once Castro finally takes a dirt nap, the Grim Reaper will work overtime in Miami to collect all the old farts who are hanging on just to outlive Castro from spite.

  16. 16
    boatboy_srq says:

    @Elizabelle: @MattF: Nothing like two (two! count’em!) Cubans, both committed to storming Havana in some conservatist reconquista feverdream (so all their constituents can get their haciendas and maquiladoras back, complete with happy staff and the Hudson snug in the garage). If there’s a better illustration of exactly how out-of-touch the GOTea is, I haven’t seen it. On the plus side, though, Rubio’s candidacy for pResident (note the capitalization) does make for a free Senate seat. And don’t be too hard on Rubio’s physical appeal: that was Rick Perry’s trump card, after all, and it carried him through at least a couple debates.

  17. 17
    Valdivia says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    maybe he wants to run for Governor?

  18. 18
    the Conster says:

    It’s hilarious. They all truly believe that since Obama with the funny name and big ears ran and won in a landslide twice, anyone can be president. Obama’s highly intelligent, charming, thoughtful, funny and cool, and they are just going to have to all find out the hard way that they’re…. not. Clowns.

  19. 19
    russell says:

    God bless Vermont.

  20. 20
    Calouste says:

    40-something, eh? The Grand Old Party hasn’t nominated anyone younger than 54 since Nixon in 1960.

  21. 21
    Arclite says:

    RE: Calling his parents “exiles.” I want you to know that I’ve walked in space.*

    *Shortly revealed by expose to be the narrow space between my house and my garage.

  22. 22
    Mike in NC says:

    Conservatives used to regularly denounce CNN as the ‘Clinton News Network’. They surely got the message and now behave as FOX Lite.

  23. 23
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Valdivia: This state was dumb enough to elect ambulatory dildo and obvious crook Rick Scott twice, so I like his chances.

  24. 24
    Bobby B. says:

    Rubio’s slogan should be “Stay thirsty, my friends.”

  25. 25
    mai naem mobile says:

    @Amir Khalid: i think Thurston Howl would be the more popular GOP candidate being that hes a male. Unfortunately a black male. They don’t really like those but that is made up for by the name Thurston Howl IV.

  26. 26
    ThresherK (GPad) says:

    He’s not even the right* kind of Cuban Libreator?

    When’s the last time the GOP ran a genuine ex-Nazi whom they paraded around like an East German refugee? Cos I’d bet that has happened.

  27. 27
    Valdivia says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    given that he is risking the Senate seat and I don’t really see him getting far (no matter what the pundit geniuses say) I would bet he does run and might even get elected if he’s not too tarnished from his Presidential run. Or as you say: maybe even then!

  28. 28
    Peale says:

    @Valdivia: The press is going through the process now like they always are of assigning out roles for their stage drama. They do this every cycle. Rubio has to be the hispanic dark horse becase Cruz is the hispanic fire breater and we can’t have two of the same stereotype in the same class. I wonder who will get to be the “good ole’ boy” if Perry doesn’t jump in.

    Honestly, its all we’re left with at this point anyway. The only thing that distinguishes the republican candidates is the roles the press assigns to them. Otherwise, they are interchangeable.

  29. 29
    richard mayhew says:

    @Valdivia: I can see the argument based on a political science reading of the tea leaves. If you assume that primary often selects a candidate that manages to have a decent size coalition of first choice supporters and a very large coalition of people who find candidate X to be perfectly acceptable even if not optimal, Rubio could slide in as a “reasonable” consensus candidate as he does not frighten the money men nor does he turn off the Tea Baggers plus he can wage an electability argument that his last name is worth at least 5 points of Hispanic votes without a policy concession.

  30. 30
    Emma says:

    @Josie: A true Hispanic? And you decide what that means?

    Having said that, what Mustang Bobby said.

  31. 31
    shell says:

    Some analysts question the 40-something freshman senator’s decision to run for president this year

    I pretty much question every Republican candidate’s decision to run.

  32. 32
    muddy says:

    @russell: You’d think they could have gotten someone to at least buy one so that he could say “all 50 states”.

  33. 33
    Valdivia says:

    @Peale:

    yes, narrative!

    and Rand is the ‘interesting’ one.
    but none of them are moderate, their ideas are more or less the same it’s just the affect and packaging that changes amongst them.

  34. 34

    @muddy:

    I mean, if you want to lie, you have to be able to actually fool people. If you can’t it just seems pitiful.

    The main person the combover is trying to fool is the person wearing it. It lets them pretend they still have enough hair to fool people.

  35. 35
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I turned MSNBC on a few minutes ago in time to hear that Rubio had two Florida billionaire lined up, a Miami mega-car-dealer and a family of welfare queens I mean sugar magnates.

    Kind of on topic: a Cuban-American novelist on NPR yesterday told this story about her 80-something, Cuban-born grandmother

    I was talking about it with my mom and my grandmother, who herself is in her 80s, and I was telling them what the novel was about and she starts talking about her grandfather who was shot and killed, you know, during the war. He was taken out of his house and shot in the woods. And I was like, ‘Oh my goodness, you’ve never told us this story.’ And then she said, ‘Those damn Cubans killed him.’ And my mother and I looked at each other and it was like the penny dropped, because, you know, you always imagine that your family was on the good side of history, or whatever. And she went on to talk about, ‘Yeah, we could have still been Spaniards.’ And we just had to laugh, you know

    .
    FOr clarity: The grandmother’s grandfather was killed by Cuban rebels against Spain in the late 1800s, and she mentions that her grandmother has a creative and romantic memory. But lines up with what I’ve frequently heard about a lot of Cubans of the “exile” type, they consider themselves Spanish, even quasi-aristocratic, and look down on “Hispanics”.

  36. 36
    WaterGirl says:

    @Betty Cracker: I may be mixing up my crazy GOP candidates, but I thought there was a situation where they COULD run n the primary without violating the law but they COULD NOT run in the general without being in violation. But in the meantime, they were hoping their republican governor would get in and would change the rule/law that says you can’t run in both.

    I don’t think I made that up, but I don’t recall which candidate. Was it Rubio?

  37. 37
    Mike in NC says:

    @Bobby B.: We’ve already enjoyed the presidential campaigns of The Most Least Interesting Man in the World, Willard M. Romney.

  38. 38
    muddy says:

    @Roger Moore: Sort of a one-person folie à deux?

  39. 39
    Valdivia says:

    @richard mayhew:

    I can see that, and would tend to agree. My main problem is that the argument then turned into ‘and he would be an even better general election candidate if he can make people believe he is not advocating the policies that he is’. It’s the kind of political reporting that focuses on the theater of the race and can see as an asset the ability to fool people about policies.

    The only reason he could fool people is that reporters have stopped caring about policy consequences and think affect and optics are all that matters.

    /end of rant.
    And I know your point was not about this but the general idea of a second choice candidate winning in the end, it’s just how the particular writer was arguing this that ticked me off as you can see.

  40. 40
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @WaterGirl: I think Rand Paul is seeking some kind of judicial ruling to let him run two campaigns

  41. 41
    Josie says:

    @Emma: No, I don’t decide. I was describing the feelings of many Texas Hispanics of Mexican descent.

  42. 42
    Valdivia says:

    @WaterGirl:

    Rand. And he got the GOP to do caucuses so he can run for both seats.

  43. 43
    Violet says:

    Said this in the thread below but it’s a better fit here:

    I think Rubio’s going to be eaten alive by Cruz. They can both play the Cuba card and Rubio looks like a baby while Cruz plays True Believer much more convincingly. I think Walker will make a clumsy attempt to send in some goons to kneecap them first. That would have been Christie’s role but he’s a laughingstock now.

  44. 44

    @Emma: Not to interpret Josie’s words, but many Cubans do not think of themselves as Hispanic in the same vein as Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, or other folk growing up speaking Spanish, which is technically the meaning of “Hispanic.” (Therefore Brazilians or Portuguese are not Hispanic).

    I’ve seen my share of Cubans get their tails puffed up when they’re referred to as “Hispanic.” Somos Cubanos!

  45. 45
    Elizabelle says:

    Do you think the universe of Marco Rubio’s presidential voters might be smaller than Al Haig’s, when he announced his vanity campaign?

  46. 46
    raven says:

    The Cubano’s Rican’s and Mexican’s hated each other when I was in the Army a half a century ago.

  47. 47
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    I’ve long thought Rubio is running for Veep, I see him as the Republicans’ Evan Bayh, somebody who think that will give him a needed boost for an eventual presidential run.

  48. 48
    Hildebrand says:

    @Peale: Right. In the credits of this lovely little stage play, Rubio is listed as: “The superficially attractive, not quite as batshit insane Cuban-American candidate.” Not unlike someone listed as, ‘Torch wielding towns-person’ in the summer stock version of Frankenstein.

  49. 49

    @Emma: The reason for that may the special status Cuban immigrants enjoy. While immigrants from all other countries have to jump through various immigration hoops, that’s not the case for Cubans who make it to the United States.

  50. 50
    Emma says:

    @Josie: My bad, though I will say that this: I am hoping that Hillary selects Julian Castro for the VP slot. He is a true Hispanic and could make a huge difference. seems to be ambiguous at best if that’s what’s you meant.

  51. 51

    The funniest thing about Rubio is how KLo’s Crazy Corner is making him out be some kind of a policy genius. They even got Frank Bruni of the NYT to repeat that canard.

  52. 52
    Iowa Old Lady says:

    Rubio made a fool of himself when he gave the State of the Union response. It’s much harder to get over ridicule than it is over policy differences.

  53. 53
    Peale says:

    @WaterGirl: It was Rand Paul.

  54. 54
    scav says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: It was my impression that similar Iberian v Indio v Mestizo v all the other possible combinations tensions played out in many of the former colonies, with variations. Makes me rather hestitate to lump “Hispanics” in the US into a single monolithic bucket. Not to forget the differences between the different waves of immigration, including the ones here from the get-go. Large conceptual blocks do always seem to go fractal the closer one looks.

  55. 55
    WaterGirl says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: @Valdivia: Thanks! It must have been Rand Paul because the change from primary to caucus sounds familiar.

    Wow, so Rubio will not be able to even run in the primaries for both seats? Maybe running for governor is his fallback plan.

  56. 56
    MattF says:

    @Violet: You’re leaving out the Jeb! team. They were kneecapping opponents back before the evolution of kneecaps.

  57. 57
    Emma says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: that’s only part of it. Like every good family, we Latin Americans have been at each other’s throats for a very long time for reasons having zip to do with the United States.

  58. 58
    WaterGirl says:

    @Violet: Yeah, Rubio may look like a baby but Cruz looks so creepy, so I think it’s advantage Rubio.

  59. 59

    @Hildebrand: He’s the GOP’s Aquaman in their Justice League.

  60. 60
    Violet says:

    @Iowa Old Lady: Agreed. Most people who aren’t from Florida and who know anything about Marco Rubio know he made a fool of himself drinking from a water bottle during that State of the Union response. His terrified eyes that he kept focused on the camera said it all. He looked like an idiot.

  61. 61
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    I think bald is beautiful as long as the shiny pate doesn’t enclose a wizened lizard brain.

    Rick “Lex Luthor” Scott, looking at you, dogshit.

  62. 62

    @WaterGirl: I just saw Good Night, and Good Luck again yesterday; the 2005 film by George Clooney about Edward R. Murrow taking on Joe McCarthy. Creepily timely.

  63. 63
    Violet says:

    Just checked out his Twitter fed. This is pathetic:

    I'm now on @Snapchat. My username is marcorubio16. Please add me.— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) April 13, 2015

    He sounds like a twelve year old girl. “Please add me! Please!”

  64. 64
    WaterGirl says:

    @Mustang Bobby: That’s the only Blu-ray movie I own, purchased 2 years ago after I got my Blu-ray player for free, and I still haven’t watched it. I should remedy that!

  65. 65
    Violet says:

    @MattF: Oh, I’m leaving out lots of potential candidates. But I think Walker will be the one clumsily sending in the goons. Jeb! wouldn’t get his hands dirty. His family has lots of experience and knows how the game is played. If goons were called for, they’d be sent. Quiet like.

  66. 66
  67. 67
    D58826 says:

    Words of wisdom

    Jonathan Chait offers five reasons why Hillary Clinton will win the presidency in 2016. But in the end, his sixth reason may be the only one that matters:

    The argument for Clinton in 2016 is that she is the candidate of the only major American political party not run by lunatics.

  68. 68
    bemused says:

    @the Conster:

    Barak and Michelle Obama are both highly intelligent, charming, thoughtful, funny and cool which infuriates republicans. They are green with envy because they have absolutely nobody in their party with that kind of appeal, not even close. They also have a difficult time trashing the Obamas with any legitimate personal faults so they have to resort solely to making up stuff and nonsense.

  69. 69
    Hildebrand says:

    @Mustang Bobby: Bang on. That is perfect.

  70. 70
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Violet:
    He’s the sixteenth Marco Rubio on Snapchat? Oh dear.

  71. 71
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Emma: It makes for fascinating conversation when the various factions talk it out in a group.

  72. 72
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    turning his Twitter account into the saddest feed emanating from that platform

    I just followed your link to have a look. It was one screenshot after another of “X HOURS UNTIL MARCO’S BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.” Almost makes me feel sorry for him.

    .

    .

    Naaaaaaah.

  73. 73

    @Amir Khalid: I think he’s going for “Marco Rubio in 2016.” Of course he could be competing with a kid in Grade 8 from Coral Gables.

  74. 74
    Mike J says:

    @D58826: More:

    The argument for Clinton in 2016 is that she is the candidate of the only major American political party not run by lunatics. There is only one choice for voters who want a president who accepts climate science and rejects voodoo economics, and whose domestic platform would not engineer the largest upward redistribution of resources in American history. Even if the relatively sober Jeb Bush wins the nomination, he will have to accommodate himself to his party’s barking-mad consensus. She is non-crazy America’s choice by default. And it is not necessarily an exciting choice, but it is an easy one, and a proposition behind which she will probably command a majority.

  75. 75
    Violet says:

    @Amir Khalid: I thought the same thing, but then I thought it might be because of 2016.

    Edit: If it is because of 2016 they would have been better using 2016 in the Snapchat name because this way it just looks pathetic. Who are marcorubio1 through marcorubio15?

  76. 76
    Pogonip says:

    @geg6: There you are! How are the critters? Have they reached a modus vivendi yet?

  77. 77
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Violet: I just hope the news stories include a clip from Rubio’s ill-fated questioning of John Kerry at a Senate FR session a while back — in which it seemed that Rubio didn’t realize ISIS and Iran are mortal enemies. He sounded like a complete idiot.

    Rubio is Cicero compared to Sarah Palin as a speaker, but I don’t think he’s really any smarter. He’d make a better Veep candidate because, when stuffed with talking points, he can regurgitate them more or less coherently, whereas she couldn’t. But they’re about on par as thinkers.

  78. 78
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @raven: I’m given to understand that similar sentiments are in play today. As Bobby Mustang mentioned above. The folks of Puerto Rican background whom I know do not look terribly kindly on those of Mexican/Central/South American descent, also too.

  79. 79
    Mike J says:

    @bemused: Funny you should use the word “cool”. Yes, he’s cool, as in hip, but he understands cool media v hot media. All of the Republicans are born of hot media. Here’s how wiki describes it:

    Hot media usually, but not always, provide complete involvement without considerable stimulus. For example, print occupies visual space, uses visual senses, but can immerse its reader. Hot media favour analytical precision, quantitative analysis and sequential ordering, as they are usually sequential, linear and logical. They emphasize one sense (for example, of sight or sound) over the others. For this reason, hot media also include radio, as well as film, the lecture and photography.

    Cool media, on the other hand, are usually, but not always, those that provide little involvement with substantial stimulus. They require more active participation on the part of the user, including the perception of abstract patterning and simultaneous comprehension of all parts. Therefore, according to McLuhan cool media include television, as well as the seminar and cartoons. McLuhan describes the term “cool media” as emerging from jazz and popular music and, in this context, is used to mean “detached.”

  80. 80
    trollhattan says:

    Speaking of Florida Man, Rick ScVoldemort is here doing his bestest Rick Perry imitation and trying to Shanghai California bidnez.

    “Hi, this is Rick Scott,” he told a reporter. “Can I convince you to move to Florida?”

  81. 81
    Josie says:

    @Emma: I see your point. I was looking at it from a south Texas point of view and did not explain my point well enough.

    ETA: I also seem to like the word “point” a lot.

  82. 82
    Hal says:

    The only reason Rubio won his Senate race is because no one would drop out. Wasn’t he up against three other people? Seems like dems could win his seat if they can just run a decent candidate, so to me his presidential aspirations are just wishful thinking.

    Though it did just occur to me he may be going for vp.

  83. 83

    I have this vision of Scott Walker getting the nomination, putting Rubio on the ticket, and then on their grand tour of the states after the convention ending up at some big celebration where they serve tacos and burritos alongside the bratwurst and sauerkraut to celebrate the unity ticket. Yeah because Tex-Mex is a real hot seller on Calle Ocho.

    Gigglesnort.

  84. 84
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @Violet: Amir Khalid is a very droll member of the commentariat here.

  85. 85
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Mustang Bobby:
    @Violet:
    Then he shoulda been MarcoRubio2016, so that nobody even thinks of that other possibility. A candidate for President is supposed to have people to advise him on stuff like that.

  86. 86

    @Betty Cracker:

    He sounded like a complete idiot.

    Some times appearances are deceiving, but that’s not the way the smart money bets.

  87. 87
    Ruviana says:

    @Amir Khalid: Careful. Lovey might be a more popular candidate than Hillary!

  88. 88

    @Hal: He ran against Kendrick Meek for the Dems — who lived up to his name — and Charlie Crist as a Republican-turned-Independent when it was clear Rubio would win the primary. The Hindenburg had a better approach.

  89. 89
    Bystander says:

    Sorry but Marco has as much chance of getting into the WH as Cuban-Canadian Cruz does. The Repubs are not going to put the second colored guy in history there so forget about it.

    Some tv talkinghead opined that the entire nation had never heard Rubio and that this would be his first chance to address the nation and show what silver tonsils he has behind that cupid’s bow mouth. Of course, we are supposed to forget his mega disastrous “rebuttal” to the SOTU. Do overs are easy when you’ve got the refs on your side.

  90. 90
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Hal: dems could win his seat if they can just run a decent candidate

    This is the Florida Democratic Party you’re talking about.

  91. 91
    raven says:

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): “Arrogant fucking Cubans is what my (and Dennis G’s) Newyorican buddy says.

  92. 92
    trollhattan says:

    Jaime Fuller at NYMag has a doozy of a press clipping collection showing our media hard at (not)work gushing about Rubio, using the same three words

    He is young.

    He is ambitious.

    He is charismatic.

    Ugh, do some fvcking work, you drones.

  93. 93
    catclub says:

    @Hal:

    Seems like dems could win his seat if they can just run a decent candidate.

    We are talking about the Florida Democratic party here. Which actually still wins elections. Unlike texas, ga, la, ….

    ETA: Gin&Tonic beat me to it. Almost word for word.

  94. 94
    Hildebrand says:

    @Mustang Bobby: No way that Walker has actually ever ingested a bratwurst. If he had, he wouldn’t be such as asshole. Eating good food makes one happy and content, something Walker has never been in his life.

    Then again, this seems to be a pattern in the GOP: The Romneytron 2000 never ate, as it didn’t need to, McCain only ingested bile, and Bush clearly only ever ate bad pretzels, and even they rebelled at being consumed by him.

  95. 95
    catclub says:

    @Roger Moore: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way the smart money bets.

    I wonder if it is from Ambrose Bierce.

  96. 96

    @Hal:

    Seems like dems could win his seat if they can just run a decent candidate.

    We had to get a used Republican to run for governor last year and lost to Rick Scott who scores just above Ebola and below crabs on a popularity scale.

  97. 97
    Amir Khalid says:

    @catclub:
    Sounds a bit too 20th century to be Bierce. Dashiell Hammett, maybe?

  98. 98
    Bystander says:

    bemused: They also have a difficult time trashing the Obamas with any legitimate personal faults so they have to resort solely to making up stuff and nonsense.

    You seem to have forgotten Uppityness which they have in abundance.

  99. 99
    bemused says:

    @Mike J:

    I was quoting the attributes Constar listed and totally agree with.

    Interesting. Cool media requires “perception of abstract patterning and simultaneous comprehension of all parts”. Nope, doesn’t seem to be a good fit for Republicans, lol.

  100. 100

    @catclub:

    The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way the smart money bets.

    “Objective considerations of contemporary phenomena compel the conclusion that success or failure in competitive activities exhibits no tendency to be commensurate with innate capacity, but that a considerable element of the unpredictable must invariably be taken into account.” –George Orwell

  101. 101
    bg says:

    When he was Fla house speaker I called his office to oppose a bill that would cut teachers’ pay. The aide who took the call, after listening to my statement asked, “are you a teacher,” with a sneer in his voice at the word “teacher” like I haven’t heard since I was 6 years old being called a dirty Jew.
    I said, “No, I’m just a taxpayer who cares about public education”

    Rubio is a horrible human being whose idea of the American dream is to destroy it for other people.

  102. 102
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Mustang Bobby: Yep. It’s crazy-making.

  103. 103
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @catclub: Damon Runyon.

  104. 104
  105. 105
    catclub says:

    @Gin & Tonic: Beaten again!

    Thanks.

  106. 106

    @Gin & Tonic: GMTA. And GMJFGI (just f*cking google it).

  107. 107
    bemused says:

    @Bystander:

    I think the charge of “uppityness” would qualify to be listed under bullshit.

  108. 108
    Steeplejack (phone) says:

    @catclub:

    Damon Runyon.

    ETA: Late (as usual). But I didn’t have to Google it! Runyon is very funny and holds up surprisingly well.

  109. 109

    “When the money is split between the favorites, bet on the long shot.” — Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahey, M*A*S*H.

  110. 110
    Ruckus says:

    @Ruviana:
    And I dare say a much better candidate.

  111. 111
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Mustang Bobby: There’s a style of American writing that I like, from Damon Runyon to Red Smith, to sometimes Jimmy Breslin, that I think shares more than a thread.

  112. 112
    Violet says:

    @Amir Khalid: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. The “16” part by itself just looks lame. His social media team must be terrible. His Twitter feed is dull and sounds like he’s begging for people to pay attention to him.

  113. 113
  114. 114
    Cervantes says:

    @Steeplejack (phone):

    Runyon is very funny and holds up surprisingly well.

    True — but as to the origin of the notion in question, Runyon himself credited Chicago reporter Hugh Keough.

  115. 115

    An election campaign that goes on for well over a year is too damned long.

  116. 116
    Violet says:

    Oh dear Lord. He met with George Stephanopoulos today. The picture on his tweet is hilarious. George is in a suit. Little Marco looks like he’s in high school and has been sent to talk to an adult about something. And he’s got a wide stance! Just a bad look all the way around. How can anyone take him seriously?

    I chatted with @GStephanopoulos earlier today. #newamericancentury pic.twitter.com/EUSbCTuf9V— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) April 13, 2015

  117. 117
    Emma says:

    @Mustang Bobby: Yup. Ask my Nicaraguan friend how she describes herself and she doesn’t say “hispanic” either.

    Do you think an Irishman, an Australian, and a Canadian would all be happy to be called Anglians?

  118. 118
    Violet says:

    Ugh. Moderation for too many links. Editing:
    Oh dear Lord. He met with George Stephanopoulos today. The picture on his tweet is hilarious. George is in a suit. Little Marco looks like he’s in high school and has been sent to talk to an adult about something. And he’s got a wide stance! Just a bad look all the way around. How can anyone take him seriously?

    I chatted with @GStephanopoulos earlier today. #newamericancentury pic.twitter.com/EUSbCTuf9V— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) April 13, 2015

  119. 119
    Emma says:

    @Betty Cracker: Nothing like old, old, venom. It’s like the best aged single malt.

  120. 120
    trollhattan says:

    @Violet:
    When I see Marco I see Bobby Jindal after a makeover at Supercuts. Has Marco, to anybody’s knowledge, performed an exorcism? How about Teddy?

  121. 121
    Fester Addams says:

    @Violet: Indeed. Like 15 other Marc O’Rubios got there before him.

  122. 122
    Waynski says:

    @scav: From what I’ve heard, other Hispanic groups think Cubans are snobs.

  123. 123
    Pogonip says:

    @Waynski: You don’t even want to hear what Mexicans think of them. (Mexicans are the only group on whom I can reliably eavesdrop, and the ones around here, at least, do not believe in political correctness.)

  124. 124
    Cervantes says:

    @Emma:

    “Anglophones,” maybe, but not all equally happy about it.

  125. 125
    WaterGirl says:

    @Violet: Still not as bad as the VP candidate with the dumbbells last year. That was definitely point and laugh material. This is just sad.

  126. 126
    Turgidson says:

    I look forward to watching Rubio stagger around stepping on rakes for a while.

    I wonder if he is thinking he can jump back into the FL Senate race if he’s clearly going nowhere in the presidential horse race as the primaries get close. Or, he’s thinking if he runs a solid campaign, even if he loses he’ll be a VP short list candidate (Jeb can’t pick him unless they have a workaround to the same-state rule) or a nominee to some prominent cabinet level position. Then, he can stay visible for a couple years and consider a run for governor, setting him up for another presidential run later on.

    He is getting a fair amount of glowing press today for supposed talents and traits I’ve never noticed in him. But I think that’s more a function of the GOP and both-sider media’s undying belief that there must be a GOP answer to Obama. Spoiler – there isn’t, and won’t be until they stop being the party of angry old white people and demented lunatics. That kind of environment doesn’t allow for Barack Obamas to rise and flourish.

  127. 127
    Mandalay says:

    @Valdivia:

    I would bet he does run and might even get elected if he’s not too tarnished from his Presidential run.

    No – Rubio committed a while ago to not contest his Senate seat if he ran for president, which is an honorable thing to do.

    (Or maybe just stupid, since the jackass has no hope of becoming president.)

  128. 128
    Peale says:

    @Bystander:

    You seem to have forgotten Uppityness which they have in abundance.

    And their friendliness with thugs like Common and Jay-Z and that prostitute Beyonce.

  129. 129
    Cervantes says:

    @Mandalay:

    No – Rubio committed a while ago to not contest his Senate seat if he ran for president, which is an honorable thing to do.

    Florida law gave him no choice in the matter.

  130. 130
    Violet says:

    Total win from Marco Rubio:

    The event venue streaming app is having problems on some browsers. Go here if you are having trouble. http://t.co/Xa9gRplS13— Team Marco (@TeamMarco) April 13, 2015

    Rollout looks to be going well…

  131. 131
    kc says:

    My understanding is that Rubio was not born in the US and that one of his parents was not a US citizen when he was born.

    Can someone explain to me why GOPer’s are not questioning Rubio’s eligibility the way they did Obama’s?

    No, really. Is there a reason, besides the obvious one?

  132. 132
    muddy says:

    @trollhattan:

    He is young. He is ambitious. He is charismatic.

    He can use Meatloaf singing Two out of Three Ain’t Bad for a campaign song.

  133. 133
    Cervantes says:

    @kc:

    As far as I know, he was born in Florida. You may be thinking of someone else.

  134. 134
    Betty Cracker says:

    @kc: You’re thinking of Ted Cruz, born in Canada to a US citizen mom and Cuban dad. Rubio was born in Florida. Just like me. He’s even a fellow goddamn Gator, to my everlasting shame!

  135. 135
    gVOR08 says:

    Receding hairline, eh? Does anyone ever notice that the dead marmoset on Rand Paul’s head is really a bad combover?

  136. 136
    Steeplejack (tablet) says:

    @Cervantes:

    Thanks for the correction. Do you have a link or reference for that? A playwright friend is working on a play about Runyon.

  137. 137
    NonyNony says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    Although I’ve recently discovered that the meme circling wingnut circles is that Rubio’s parents weren’t naturalized when he was born, so therefore he’s not a natural born citizen even though he was born on American soil because something something Founding Fathers something something Original Intent something something arglebargle.

    Anyway enough of them hate him for his “amnesty” position that he once held that they’ll believe any old bullshit about him. I don’t know who he thinks his constituency is given that Jeb Bush is in the race.

  138. 138
    kc says:

    @Cervantes:
    @Betty Cracker:

    Oh, I’m sorry, y’all are right. I was indeed thinking of Ted Cruz.

    Now I feel guilty . . .

  139. 139
    Cervantes says:

    @Steeplejack (tablet):

    Thanks for the correction. Do you have a link or reference for that? A playwright friend is working on a play about Runyon.

    Of course.

    Runyon acknowledged Keough in a column you can find in the following anthology:

    Short Takes, Damon Runyon. New York: Somerset, 1946.

    On p. 17, observing that Bartlett’s had credited Franklin P. Adams with the line, Runyon adds: “Only I think Hughy Keough said it first.”

  140. 140
    SWMBO says:

    @trollhattan: You is kind. You is smart. You is important. (from the movie The Help). When Aibileen was telling Mae Mobley not to forget her. (Also remember to tee tee in the potty)

  141. 141
    Betty Cracker says:

    @gVOR08: It’s actually a tribble.

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