Today I looked at my 2014 Pets of Balloon Juice Calendar and realized that it would be as worthless as Lanny Davis’ loyalty or Mark Penn’s advice, starting tomorrow. I said to myself, “Where the fuck is the new Balloon Juice calendar that I ordered on the day it came out, goddamit?”. I searched my email and could only find shipping notices from years past. It was then that I realized the gravity of my mistake: I had not, in fact, ordered the 2015 Pets of Balloon Juice Calendar. Therefore, I will have to risk damaging my eyesight by squinting at the little January box on the December calendar until the new one that I ordered this morning arrives.
Perhaps some of your are in the same position. My advice is to start drinking early to deal with the self-loathing and shame generated by your reckless stupidity. But, before using demon rum to transport yourself to a place where your idiocy no longer matters, click here to order a new calendar. It is a labor of love and a quality item.
As partial atonement for my lack of speedy calendar buying, I offer up this open thread.