I went to physical therapy today for the left shoulder (the “good” shoulder that I dislocated last Saturday), and she refused to treat me because she thinks I have been misdiagnosed and have a labral tear. So no rehab on it until I get an MRI on the left shoulder. I see the shoulder doctor on Friday to discuss the CT scan and bone spurs in the right shoulder. Meanwhile, my General Practitioner is apparently far more concerned with me becoming addicted to pain pills than he is in pain management, so I am pointlessly taking ultram (which does nothing but make my fingers numb) and meloxicam (which, as far as I can tell, does nothing). I actually didn’t take them for two days and nothing changed, so I am not sure why I am still taking them. At this point, I’m just resigned to be in pain except for the hour every night when I use my cold therapy machine.
The pain itself is annoying enough, but what really pisses me off is that I am just being a cranky asshole to everyone around me. I’m usually blunt, but honestly, I’m not a dick to people most of the time. Not so recently. I’m just being jerkish and an asshole and snapping at people for no reason. People try to talk to me and I just give them a dismissive glare. Everything about me is emanating “I am so not in the mood for your bullshit right now.” Then, later on, I feel guilty for being crappy to someone.
I’m still walking a lot, because even though the girls tugging on the leash causes pain and sometimes my arm hurts just from walking, if I walk far enough and then use the exercise bike, I loosen up and get the endorphins flowing. Followed by a hot shower, that’s pretty nice. I’ve been burning lavender essential oils, and that relaxes me a little, too.
I just wish there was a way they could inject something into my shoulders and block the pain. All I want is to not hurt, FFS. I have no idea how people deal with chronic pain, but I am afraid I am going to get a first hand lesson over the rest of my life.
Blah, blah, blah. Bitch moan piss whine. Shawn is heading home to see his family for a couple days, so I think I am going to just have a True Blood binge tonight and catch up on the last six episodes (he hates the show) while using my Bledsoe.
And no, I have not found an accupuncture clinic. I’m honestly not sure I want someone sticking pins in me and my shoulders until I know exactly what is going on with them. And since my shoulders are painful to the touch, massage therapy is a no go, as well.
*** Update ***
BTW- I am not completely insensitive to my GP’s position. All doctors have the DEA breathing down their necks, there is a pain pill epidemic in WV (although more down state- google “hillbilly heroin”), and I am an admitted alcoholic with only a month of sobriety under my belt. He doesn’t know that I have a really high pain threshold and wouldn’t bullshit him, and he doesn’t know that when I had my shoulder surgery I stopped taking the pills a month before the doctor wanted me to because I hated the damned things. So I understand his position and concern, I just think it is misplaced. Hell, prescribe me something and give the damned pills to my NAZI father and I’ll walk down the street twice a day. Give them to the damned town cop. Just do something so one wrong movement doesn’t put me on the verge of tears.