This is an Actual Thing that Exists

Personally, I’m holding out for the Michelle Bachmann channel:

Given the content available and the affectedly simple presentation, it’s hard not to see the new Sarah Palin Channel as simply a moneymaking enterprise.

Her competitor Glenn Beck’s vertically integrated TV-website-dogwhistle aggregator, the Blaze, takes in $36m per year before ad revenue. And, as both Rick Perlstein and Alex Pareene have noted, one of the animating principles of the conservative movement over the last 40 years has been soaking every last dollar out of people whose intellectual incuriosity has never been an impediment to further rage and paranoia. It’s why places like WorldNetDaily run obnoxious flash ads in columns that, top to bottom, tell you to buy and hoard gold, to click here to join a paid newsletter that outlines the UN/Agenda 21 plans to annex Joe’s Crab Shack, and how your $25 check to FreedomWorks is the only thing standing between repealing Obamacare or toiling in the lesbian nose-earring mines while wearing Soviet-style tracksuits that give everyone frontbutt.

I wanted to see for myself, but I still can’t even sign in for the free sample of the Sarah Palin Channel. Each attempt ends with a server error and my desultorily trying to glean something from available teaser videos.

Ten dollars a month to listen to her mispronounce words and say stupid things. Netflix is only 8 bucks a month. I think that is a better deal.

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70 replies
  1. 1
    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker says:

    Maybe it hasn’t started yet because they don’t have room to write the script on her hand.

  2. 2
    kindness says:

    I’d pay for someone else to listen to Sarah and give a cliff notes review version. Just don’t ask ME to listen to her.

  3. 3
    Baud says:

    I wanted to see for myself, but I still can’t even sign in for the free sample of the Sarah Palin Channel. Each attempt ends with a server error

    It’s Palin’s way of reminding people of the Obamacare website failures. Absolute genius. Well worth the subscription price.

  4. 4
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    Maybe it’s like a cooking channel and subscribers can download recipes for her word salad.

  5. 5
    srv says:

    Linked to this last month, old news

  6. 6

    Aren’t you supposed to listen to her, so we don’t have to? Besides, it would make a good topic for hilarious blog posts!

  7. 7
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    she seems to be trying to pick a fight with Tina Fey, for some reason also too. Fey doesn’t strike me as either vindictive or very political (at least partisan), but that’s a fight McCain’s little hate monkey can’t win. If TF has a free afternoon and one of her buddies– SNL, Fallon, Seth Meyers who wrote most of the Fey-as-Palin stuff– comes up with a good bit, I imagine she’d do it, it would go viral…

    As Tbogg says, shut up and go away, Dumb Lady.

  8. 8

    Well past her sell-by date, taken seriously by no one who matters or with an IQ over 20. A big old bucket of meh.

  9. 9
    max says:

    Personally, I’m holding out for the Michelle Bachmann channel:

    I’ll holding out for the hot-psycho-GOP-girl-on-girl. And then I will consider paying for it.

    max
    [‘And then I won’t because why in fuck’s name would I give money to Palin OR Bachmann?’]

  10. 10
    Hawes says:

    Jesus, John, you’ve done such commendable work to get sober, DON’T GO THERE

  11. 11
    ruemara says:

    Dude. Why are you even looking at this?

  12. 12
    judge crater says:

    Did you see that Time-Warner is going to bag the Headline News channel and replace it with Glenn Beck’s The Blaze. Seriously.

  13. 13
    Hal says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    she seems to be trying to pick a fight with Tina Fey, for some reason also too. Fey doesn’t strike me as either vindictive or very political (at least partisan), but that’s a fight McCain’s little hate monkey can’t win.

    The same reason she hates Katie Couric. The two of them deserve an award for torpedoing any chance Palin had of slipping by unnoticed with a few quips about pitbulls and lipstick.

    and how your $25 check to FreedomWorks is the only thing standing between repealing Obamacare or toiling in the lesbian nose-earring mines while wearing Soviet-style tracksuits that give everyone frontbutt.

    So that’s where those earrings come from.

  14. 14
    askew says:

    @judge crater:

    I thought that was just in talks, but not confirmed. If so, that will help MSNBC because they lose audience to HLN frequently. It’s bad for the country because the last thing we need is more crazy unleashed on the general public through our airwaves.

  15. 15
    Heliopause says:

    run obnoxious flash ads in columns that, top to bottom, tell you to buy and hoard gold, to click here to join a paid newsletter

    Hate to rain on the parade, but BJ is constantly giving me ads to hook up with hot young Asian girls, or in the present instance, buy new underwear. Not sure why your cookie aggregator thinks I’m interested in Asian girls a fraction my age, or buying briefs online. “Why yes, I need briefs. 32 inch waist, extra-extra large crotch. STAT. Oh, and could you have one of those stereotypical demure Asian girls deliver it to me?”

  16. 16
    mclaren says:

    I’m waiting for the Rick Perry channel: 24 hours a day of dead air.

  17. 17
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Hal: I thought one of the most telling things about that HBO Sarah Palin movie, heavily influenced by McCain loyalists, was the McCain character saying he couldn’t believe Katie Couric would ‘do this to us’, or words to that effect. McCain apparently really came to believe that “what newspapers do you read?” was a trick question.

    @judge crater: didn’t CNN fire Beck? Or did he quit to go to Fox?

  18. 18
    askew says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I thought the most telling part of Game Change was the last conversation when Peter MacNichol’s character was trying to equate Palin to Obama with their inexperience and limited FP knowledge and Woody Harrelson’s character says yep except Obama is a constitutional scholar and the MacNichol’s only response is fuck you.

    I thought the movie made Palin look out to be a complete and total moron plus possibly mentally unbalanced. Her insistence in doing a concession speech was cringe-worthy.

  19. 19
    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    Maybe it’s like a cooking channel and subscribers can download recipes for her word salad.

    More of a word puree, I think.

  20. 20
    Tara the Antisocial Social Worker says:

    @Heliopause:

    I was just over at the GOS, giggling over the ad inviting me to “date rich women” who are apparently looking for “single men over 40.” I’ve got the “over 40” part down, anyway.

  21. 21
    Porco Rosso says:

    I’ve subscribed to The Black Guy Who Tips and the Twibularity podcasts to support their efforts. The little guys make great media.

  22. 22
    Howard Beale IV says:

    Yes, even she who shell not be named does the bucket challenge. If you must see it, go to TBogg’s place. But it’s only worth reading TBogg’s commentary and not even bothering with the vid.

    Srsly.

  23. 23
    gian says:

    the Marcus Bachman channel at the Iowa corn dog festivals might get a very small but dedicate niche

    seriously, why does anyone eat those for the freaking cameras? don’t they have funnel cake? deep fried bacon wrapped snickers bars or something less awkward?

  24. 24
    NotMax says:

    Personally, I’m holding out for the Michelle Bachmann channel:

    The brightness control on your set must ratchet up higher than on mine.

  25. 25
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    It really is appalling that so many Americans are this fucking gullible.

    It’s also appalling that the vile parasite shit that perpetrate this crap can do so with no consequence at all.

  26. 26
    Violet says:

    Given the content available and the affectedly simple presentation, it’s hard not to see the new Sarah Palin Channel as simply a moneymaking enterprise.

    Why would anyone waste any energy trying to see it any other way? It’s grifting. Duh. Apparently her daughter Bristol, she of the reality show circuit, blogs there, and her mom has a “word for the day” feature. I can’t imagine why anyone would pay for that crap but there you go.

  27. 27
    Poopyman says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Half of this country is of below average intelligence. Remember this.

    ETA: Also too, Violet.

  28. 28
    g says:

    Wonkette has been airing various tapes. It’s hilariously bad. If she manages to keep this up for even six months, I’ll be surprised.

  29. 29
    dr. luba says:

    @Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant):

    A big old bucket of meh.

    I read that as “A big old bucket of meth.” Can’t imagine why.

  30. 30
    Violet says:

    @g: Agreed. Glenn Beck may be crazy but he’s a competent businessman. He’s willing to do work. Sarah Palin doesn’t do work. She may think all she has to do is rant on video every few days and rake in the money but at some point people won’t pay for that. Or not enough people will pay to make it worthwhile for the folks who set up her video channel. You didn’t think she did that herself, did you? It’s part of TAPP TV. If it’s not making enough money for them I don’t think they’ll waste their time keeping it around.

  31. 31
    jl says:

    I clicked through to look at the Palin site from the link. Pretty much what Lund says.
    Beck’s internet thing brings in 36 million a year in subscriptions?

    I have no words for these things that I have a hard time believing exist.

  32. 32
    ruemara says:

    Officer Darren Wilson has a $300k murder bounty fund. Nothing surprises me anymore at what these walking pustules of DNA and idiocy will do.

  33. 33
    Suzanne says:

    Goddamnit, I just watched Sarah Sparkles’ ice bucket challenge video and imagined it was lava, and I was really happy for a second.

    Can we send her to Iceland to hang out with the volcano?

  34. 34
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Suzanne: Which volcano? Iceland has lots of volcanoes. Katla is supposed to be the worst possible one, although another volcano (which J Gabriel pointed out yesterday) has experienced a very wide separation on an earthquake fault and could be the next volcano to blow up.

    ETA: She should be used to dressing warmly to hang out on a glacier. Lots of those in Iceland, too; although most of them sit atop a volcano or earthquake fault.

  35. 35
    Violet says:

    @Suzanne: What did Iceland do to deserve that?

    Why not turn her loose in the wilds of Alaska since she claims to be such an outdoors kind of gal. Heck, she can even have a gun to shoot her own food. Judging from her short-lived TV show, where she proved she doesn’t know how to handle a gun or shoot it, she wouldn’t last long.

  36. 36
    Suzanne says:

    @PurpleGirl: From what I understand, one of the volcanoes is erupting right now. I think we should shoot her down into that one.

    @Violet: NO ONE on earth, except maybe ISIS, deserves Sarah Sparkles.

    Okay, that gives me an idea….ll

  37. 37
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Suzanne: it’s actually kind of amazing how bad she is at playing herself. She manipulate those ice tongs with all the grace of a poodle riding a unicycle.

  38. 38
    scav says:

    @PurpleGirl: Bardarbunga — absolutely a ripping name. All the fun of a volcano and images of a BardarBadarBungaBunga Party!

  39. 39
    Violet says:

    @Suzanne: John McCain deserves her.

  40. 40
    Suzanne says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: And the ice tongs look like hot dog tongs for the grill, and she pours diet soda into what is ostensibly a wineglass.

    There is just so much fail, I cannot completely wrap my head around it.

    Not to mention, she challenged John McCain to the ice bucket challenge, and the dude can’t lift his arms high enough to dump a bucket on himself. I’m sure Cindy will do it.

  41. 41
    Little Boots says:

    @Violet:

    she will be wrapped around his neck forever, or should be.

  42. 42
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:
    Needless to say, it would be breathtakingly foolish of Sarah Palin to take on Tina Fey in a war of words. One almost wishes one had been at the meeting where Sara’s people didn’t quite manage to talk her out of it.

  43. 43
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Suzanne: I wonder if her script writer saw Patrick Stewarts’ (Sir Patrick? can’t remember) version and imitated the set up.

  44. 44
    Little Boots says:

    sarah, sarah, sarah. you are the awesome. and you should be on balloon juice.

  45. 45
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:
    Yes, Patrick Stewart is a knight so it’s Sir Patrick.

  46. 46
    Little Boots says:

    needs more omnes. and definitely more steeplejack.

  47. 47
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Amir Khalid: I knew it was Sir Ian, I couldn’t remember if it was Sir Patrick

  48. 48
    Little Boots says:

    also, kinda miss john cole. john, I know I annoy you, but come on, I liven up the place.

  49. 49
    Little Boots says:

    you know what we need? johnny come here. we like you.

  50. 50
    wasabi gasp says:

    Didn’t think I could love her more.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6JeQxHqZdI

  51. 51

    OT: my brother just brought in his first alligator in Alabama. It clocked in at almost 12 feet long and 360 pounds.

    http://www.al.com/outdoors/ind.....cart_river

  52. 52
  53. 53
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Little Boots:
    This song is so you.

  54. 54
    Little Boots says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    you are steeplejack awesome

  55. 55
    Little Boots says:

    still, wish you were here guys.

  56. 56
    Hal says:

    @ruemara: A few thousand people love them some Darrell Wilson. I saw some of the message posted with the donations and they were pretty terrible of course. My fave was the guy who donated under the name Jim Crow. Lots of people complaining about racist blacks who should be out looking for a jobs and getting off welfare type of stuff. But they are not racist dammit.

  57. 57
  58. 58
  59. 59
  60. 60
    MattF says:

    The ads are plague, but it’s fair to point out that they’re everywhere.

    The whole thing is a sort of multi-level codependence– the big names need the victims to make the business work, the victims need the big names to validate their resentments, the advertisers need dollars to MAKE MONEY FAST.

    I’ll bet people who have paid for memberships in these scams make up a good portion of the winger trolls– after all, they’re invested.

  61. 61
    chopper says:

    @g:

    I’d be surprised if she kept up anything for 6 months.

  62. 62
    Fred says:

    It’s a good bet 80% of the subscriptions are from people who love to hate her.
    I find it hard to believe anyone could be as stupid as Sarah Palin pretends to be. It’s shtick planned to do just what it does: inflame the insane morons who are predisposed to buy it and outrage people with two nickles worth of sense. Either way you just gotta watch the train wreck.
    I won’t give the bitch a nickle but Wonkette posts enough to give me my yucks.
    Now “The All Michelle Bachmann Chanel” would be much more interesting. She at least seems to believe her blather and I love that wild look she gets in her eyes when she really thinks she is sinking a good one. And she is so cheerful.

  63. 63
    J R in WV says:

    @Hal: The best thing about giving money to a corrupt evil ex-cop is that they can’t give it to a PAC too. Small assumption there about ex- but I don’t expect he can really do it. He would be to much of a target to stand the mental stress, really.

    What a bummer of a situation. We sometimes drive through St.Louis coming home via Pueblo, Colorado after visiting friends there. He who rescued us after the totaled truck last winter. Usually just stay on the 4-lane through towm.

    Last trip we drove to St Lou and then south to cross the river(s) below Cairo, IL on the old US 60 bridges, kinda creepy as they’re two-lane bridges from the distant past instead of high-flying Interstate bridges. Makes the rivers (first Mississippi and then Ohio, which is much the larger of the two) seem evern bigger than they already do.

    Can’t even think about Palin-network TV. Don’t like much TV anyway, lookig foreward to football lagter today – still feels like tomorrow as I hope to sleep more tonite!

  64. 64
    shelley says:

    it’s hard not to see the new Sarah Palin Channel as simply a moneymaking enterprise.

    And the rest of the world goes ‘Ya THINK?”

  65. 65
    Nadifa says:

    John Cole,
    I love your sense of humour, you are funny and most of the time I come to this site just to read what you have to say. Get healthy!

  66. 66
    jon says:

    @Baud: So what you’re saying is that by the rules based on Obamacare’s website rollout, she should resign.

    To her, that’s like breathing.

  67. 67
    Seanly says:

    Wonkette had a commenter named Fartknocker donate funds for them to join for a year. In return, they are doing weekly bits on it (as long as there’s new content). Here’s this week’s oddness (LINK).

  68. 68
    CaseyL says:

    Being unemployed, and seeing these human-shaped parasites raking in dough with no effort at all, and having become about as thoroughly cynical about My Fellow Americans as it is possible to be and not shoot them all on sight… I wonder if I, too, should create a frothing-mad RW persona and put up a subscription website based on that persona.

    I just need to develop a following first.

  69. 69
    GRANDPA john says:

    Some things never changeover the centuries
    There are more fools than knaves in the world, else the knaves would not have enough to live upon.

    Samuel Butler

  70. 70

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