Saw Guardians of the Galaxy. Loved it. They should create an awards category for fun stories about fleshed out characters doing insane things in space. Whoever greenlit a sequel before the first movie came out looks pretty smart now that it took home a record-smashing $94 mil in America alone. James Gunn makes future catch phrases and internet memes almost as well as His Holiness Joss Whedon.
But. I get that every studio has some rule that comic book movies have to smash all the toys together in the third act in a big CG’d explodorama. It has something to do with the basic comic-y story archetype in which people gain powers through some cosmic accident, the magic of teamwork or both and after a couple of false starts they have to overcome something plausibly unachievable before their personal growth/laser breath/team building exercises/whatever. And I get that the movie winks at every trope from “I have a plan…” to gathering various necessities for a heist to people standing up one at a time to signal they’re on board with a crazy scheme. You could make a plausible argument that a consciously ridiculous finale will age well as its meta-silliness becomes more clear on repeat viewings. Still…nnneh. Spoilers below the fold. Only go if you have seen it or plot precognition does not bother you.
* Who negotiated that peace treaty? It seems like Nova Corps could have asked for a clause that puts the other guys on the hook for genocidal rampages by fully empowered agents of their government operating (presumably) on the clock.
* The Nova corps does not have a navy? One ship operating in hostile territory without any escort craft or resupply, even a big ship, ought to be something you can handle. If the Brits kited the Bismarck you can handle one of whatever that is. Presumably the bad guy empire has a lot of those ships, so one guy operating freely in your space makes me wonder why the bad guy empire bothered to sign that treaty.
* Even in scifi terms the climax makes my head hurt. You have what amounts to a couple of aircraft carriers welded together a few miles up in the air and its only goal is to land. It doesn’t even have to land well, it just has to hit the ground without disintegrating everyone inside. On top of its ludicrous mass and momentum the ship has a set of interstellar propulsion drives pointed ass-upwards. Picture the USS John F. Kennedy, on wheels, at the top of a very steep hill with its 280,000 HP drive fully engaged. Resisting the not-even-freewheeling aircraft carrier, the defense fields…a rugby scrum of Smart cars. A lot of them but still, they’re fighting gravity, momentum and drive engines the size of an office building. No, dammit. Maybe if they were trying to prevent it from taking off.
* The specific thing you want to land would probably do just fine if you tied it to a missile and fired it at the ground. A shuttle pod would be gravy. Landing the whole boat seems like it takes a lot more time and provides a more digestible target for the defense.
* Future space civilizations must have a nuclear weapons ban with better teeth than their swiss cheese peace treaties. You hardly need some mega-cosmic power to sterilize a planet. Pick up some uranium on the way and have six or eight hundred Tsar Bombas ready by the time you get there. Speaking of which,
* If gatling guns can hole the ship then I shudder to think what some shots from real ordinance would do. Or, considering that the fate of a planet or maybe everything everywhere is at stake, god forbid you nuke it.
* ETA: Putting myself in the place of the bad guy, I’m thinking ‘My kingdom for a couple of Phalanx turrets…’
* The guy who established boarding protocols for the bad guy navy should get lifted by his neck and thrown against a wall.
* The suicide bombing tactic make me scratch my head. Wouldn’t ships with seemingly infinite ammo that can blow up almost-indestructible things do a lot more harm by strafing? No one had bombs? It looked like one ship cratering caused about ten or twenty sticks of dynamite worth of damage. Also, considering that they had miles to approach in piloted craft, the guys who augured into rivers or swimming pools must have felt like morons.
* Did they mean to cros-over with the Riddick series? If not then maybe retire ‘necro’ as a prefix for everything. It baffles me that even after the color scheme, non-Euclidean geometry and indiscriminate murder someone in production thought viewers still might need another cue to remember who the bad guys are.
Okay, pedant tag off, I enjoyed the hell out of the movie. I only got miffed at things that did not make sense even within the logic of the story itself. You all can let me know whether I sound like a moron for judging it like Star Wars when I ought to think Spaceballs instead.