Hillary Clinton…for Governor

Rick Scott, the current Republican governor of Florida, amassed a huge fortune by bilking Medicare and then spent $73 million of his personal cash to buy the governorship. His election was a fluke, a catastrophe made possible by the teaturd wave of 2010 and the Democrats’ dumb decision to run a Bank of America executive against him when feelings about the bankster class were a bit raw on the left.

Scott is a disaster, and virtually no one — Republican or Democrat — can stand the creepy reptilian sumbitch. He’s ripe for defeat. But our former Republican governor turned Independent-turned-Democrat, Charlie Crist, is the presumptive Democratic nominee, and the polls are really tight, especially when a libertarian kook is added to the mix to suck up all the contrarian voters. Fairly or not, Crist is probably the only local politician whose trustworthiness is as questionable as Scott’s in the minds of voters.

Here’s the thing: Scott must be defeated. Florida is a shithole in many ways, but even Florida does not deserve Rick Fucking Scott, okay? Charlie Crist is fine with me, but he’s not a lock, at least not according to recent polls. So maybe it’s time for someone else to step in. A big-name Democrat who is itching for an executive position. Someone who could deliver the crushing defeat that Scott so richly deserves. Someone like Hillary Clinton.

I can hear the objections already. Objection #1: Hillary Clinton doesn’t even live in Florida. So? Most people who live here come from somewhere else. She can just go rent a condo. Jeb Bush and Rick Scott aren’t from Florida either, and that didn’t stop either of those pricks from becoming governor. And besides, Hillary wasn’t from New York and didn’t have a long residency before she became their US Senator.

Objection #2: Hillary Clinton wants to be president. Well, maybe. But she’s been through a hideously grueling campaign already, and maybe she doesn’t want to go through that meat-grinder again. As her first run proved, there are no guarantees. Except this one: She would utterly crush that vile cretin Rick Scott and become governor of Florida.

Objection #3: Hillary is the only person who can defeat whatever heinous hairball the Republicans hork up to run for president in 2016. I’m not convinced of this. At all. If it’s true, by all means, run, Hills, run. But why not get a epic electoral crushing of a revolting Republican shitstain and a year-plus of executive experience under your belt as Florida governor first?

Think about it, Hillary. That’s all I’m asking.

66 replies
  1. 1
    The Dangerman says:

    Hillary Clinton wants to be president. Well, maybe.

    There aren’t many mortal locks in life; Hillary wanting to be President is one.

  2. 2
    Citizen Alan says:

    It’s frustrating to me. I don’t have any qualms about Hillary Clinton as President. (Well, no more than I did about Obama — I think she’ll be a kinder, gentler warmongering plutocrat than anything the GOP comes up with.) Overall, I think she’d make a great president. But goddamn do I dread the prospect of Bill Clinton as the very first First Husband.

  3. 3
    Wag says:


  4. 4
    dogrobber says:


    But do we really want her?

  5. 5
    Violet says:

    @Citizen Alan:

    But goddamn do I dread the prospect of Bill Clinton as the very first First Husband.

    The First Dick jokes practically write themselves.

  6. 6
    askew says:

    That would save this country and the party a world of hurt. You can have her and we can have someone better and younger as president.

    She carpetbagged into NY. Why not Fl?

  7. 7
    gene108 says:

    Could go the way of the 2009 NJ governor’s race. There was an independent candidate, who was polling really well, but ended up with a much smaller portion of the election total than October polls suggested.

    Though Daggett polled as high as 20% in statewide opinion polls in October, he ultimately received 5.8% of the vote when the election was held on November 3, 2009


    I can’t remember which major party candidate he was supposed to have helped or hurt, but he received a lot fewer votes than what he was polling in the run-up to the election.

    Could end up happening with the third party guy in Florida, who is polling well now (for a third party guy).

  8. 8
    BGinCHI says:

    You must really hate the Clintons to want to see them trapped in FL for four years.

  9. 9
    Baud says:

    e polls are really tight

    even Florida does not deserve Rick Fucking Scott, okay?

    Those two statements seem inconsistent to me.

  10. 10
    jheartney says:

    Hillary can have the 2016 Dem presidential nom for the asking, and (thanks to demographics and the massive odor given off by the wingnut base) is as close to a lock for the presidency as these things get. 2016 is her year, and the last time she could credibly go for the presidency (too old for a pair of terms after that.)

    She’s not going to go save Florida from Rick Scott. She’d need to put in at least a full term, and by that time there’d be another Dem president she’d have to wait for. It’s not happening.

  11. 11
    currants says:

    Betty, I LOVE your posts. Thank you for making me laugh on a day when I needed it!

  12. 12
    Kevin says:

    Don’t do this…don’t turn Balloon Juice into some Firedoglake fail show….don’t turn this into pro and anti Hillary. Just stop.

  13. 13
    BGinCHI says:

    @jheartney: If Rick Scott hasn’t mobilized Floridians to vote him out of office, they don’t deserve a savior. Unbelievable.

  14. 14
    gene108 says:

    @Citizen Alan:

    But goddamn do I dread the prospect of Bill Clinton as the very first First Husband.

    I think there’s a good chunk of men, in this country, who would feel very awkward and/or insecure, if a wife has greater career accomplishments than the husband.

    In being President, the Presidential spouse basically gives up their day job, while the spouse gets all the attention and makes all the tough decisions.

    Both Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama gave up their careers as lawyers, in order for their husbands to run for President.

    A man giving up his career for his wife to run for President would lead to a certain amount of “who wears the pants in the house” comments from people.

    Bill Clinton, because he was President, would immunize Hillary from dealing with that aspect of male insecurity and belligerence.

    In short, given the sexism in this country, you may need a husband of Bill Clinton’s stature, in order for the first woman President to get elected.

  15. 15
    Amir Khalid says:

    I’d find it hard to imagine Hillary becoming Governor of Florida and then running for President less two years into her term. In campaigning for governor, the question would have come up, whether she would abandon the post for a presidential campaign. She could defuse the issue only by promising not to do it.

    On another note: Please tell me this man is not serious.

  16. 16
    Betty Cracker says:

    @Kevin: How is this post turning Balloon Juice into a pro or anti-Hillary site? There have always been pro and anti-Hillary factions at Balloon Juice.

    And for the record, in case it wasn’t blindingly obvious, this post is tongue-in-cheek. I’m pretty sure Hillary isn’t going to run for governor of Florida. But I think it would be cool if she did.

    If Balloon Juice can survive posts about shaving cat’s asses and expressing anal glands, I’m pretty sure we’re mature enough to discuss Hillary’s political prospects without spiraling into FireDogHell. Oh wait…

  17. 17
  18. 18
    David Hunt says:

    Hillary can have the 2016 Dem presidential nom for the asking, and (thanks to demographics and the massive odor given off by the wingnut base) is as close to a lock for the presidency as these things get

    Back in 2006, I would have read such a statement about H. Clinton for 2008 and not even blinked. Now…there might be a new Barack Obama out there waiting to come into the light. I’d never heard of Obama before 2007

  19. 19
    Violet says:

    @Betty Cracker: Is the Democratic party in Florida just a bunch of crap or something? How the hell is Charlie Crist the best they could do?

  20. 20
    Violet says:

    @David Hunt:

    I’d never heard of Obama before 2007

    Didn’t see the 2004 Democratic National Convention? He gave the keynote and it was electrifying.

  21. 21
    burnspbesq says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    Please tell me this man is not serious.

    Oh, I assure you he is. And I’m not sure it’s a completely preposterous idea. The current state of play in this country is that we have a huge number of assholes carrying guns, who have no earthly clue how to operate them and no respect for the damage they can cause if mishandled. Since we don’t have universal military service, pretty much the only institution that substantially everybody goes through, where the fundamentals of firearms safety could be taught, is high school.

  22. 22
    dogrobber says:

    @David Hunt:

    1. Exactly.

    2 I hope so.

  23. 23
    SatanicPanic says:

    I read a profile on Charlie a while back and it seems like he’s just a dude who wants to be liked by people. I have to admit I have a soft spot for that kind of pol. Havin’ a backbone and leadershippin’ always seemed a little overrated to me

  24. 24
    Violet says:

    @burnspbesq: They used to teach drivers ed in schools. Budget cuts and focus on “the basics” eliminated that in a lot of places. Because making sure kids know how to drive a car is something parents should be in charge of. I’m sure the NRA has some reason how and why guns are different.

  25. 25
    Cervantes says:

    @Violet: Lawton Chiles died.

  26. 26
    gene108 says:

    @David Hunt:

    Obama has/had two things that make him unique (1) his campaign managers were on the cutting edge of new methods of organizing and (2) he is a fundraising juggernaut, the likes of which has never been seen in our politics.

    On point one, his campaign staff went beyond maximizing technology to reach targeted possible voters, they also created a strong, centralized GOTV operation, with OfA.

    On point two, GWB was considered to have set a fund raising mark that would have been hard to equal at over $300 million, in each of his two Presidential runs.

    Obama doubled that in 2008 and had something like a billion dollars on hand in 2012.

    If people wonder why Kerry or Gore did not counter Bush, Jr. every step of the way, one major problem is Bush, Jr. had outraised them by around a $100 million and they could not afford to have operations everywhere Bush, Jr. did.

    A huge chunk of Obama’s success that does not get recognized by Obots is his fundraising prowess.

    Since 1976, when they started keeping track of campaign contributions, the one common trait of all the Presidential winners has been they did a better job fund raising than their opponents.

  27. 27
    Violet says:

    @Cervantes: A long time ago. They’ve had plenty of time to rebuild or remake themselves. Why haven’t they?

  28. 28
    KG says:

    @gene108: i can’t imagine the president’s spouse being able to have a “real job”. think about the security issues that would be involved… anyone making deliveries to the office would have to be checked, hell, anyone working in another suite in the building would have to be checked. traffic in and around the building would be a fucking mess.

    and being a lawyer? hope they don’t go to court, because that’d be a security nightmare, not to mention a clusterfuck as they waited for their matter on calendar. seriously, courthouse security freaked the fuck out after 9/11, i couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like if the first lady/gentleman were to be there two or three times a week.

    on the other hand, most people/couples who become president are wealthy or will be very wealthy their time in office. so, an early retirement and transition to philanthropy (which, let’s be honest, that’s essentially been the first lady’s job for the last fifty-ish years) wouldn’t be that bad for the first gentleman.

  29. 29
    Jim C. says:

    This doesn’t strike me as the smartest of moves for a number of reasons.

    First and foremost, I doubt Crist is just going to bow his head and depart the field like a gentleman. He’s going to stay in, which likely means that he and Hillary would siphon votes away from each other.

    Second, it’s a little late to get in on the ballgame isn’t it? Granted Hillary is one of the few who could conceivably pull it off, but the election is in three months.

    Third, I’m not looking forward to her serving for a year and then running for president and getting “Quarter Term Governor” comparisons to Sarah Palin.

    Fourth, and this is pretty much the one thing that worries me about her running for president which also happens to dovetail with my second reason…I honestly don’t think Hillary is a very good campaigner. There were plenty of stories about how badly Obama just plain out-campaigned her back in 2007. She made goof after gaffe during the primary. Even if you assume that she immediately pulls all of Charlie Crist’s support over I think she is quite capable of blowing a very winnable campaign.

  30. 30
    Baud says:


    Democrats have hated organizing for a long time. It’s thankless work.

  31. 31
    Corner Stone says:

    @Violet: That’s pretty cheeky coming from a fellow Texan.

  32. 32
    Corner Stone says:


    i can’t imagine the president’s spouse being able to have a “real job”.

    Hey, Mrs. Jack Ryan continued being a surgeon/Dr. type thingie!

  33. 33
    Betty Cracker says:


    In short, given the sexism in this country, you may need a husband of Bill Clinton’s stature, in order for the first woman President to get elected.

    That’s an interesting point. I’m not sure an ex-president husband is a requirement, but yeah, it certainly would be helpful to have an indisputable “alpha male” in the First Gentleman role to tamp down the ball-buster talk. Though naturally that would give rise to speculation that he was really calling the shots. We ladies just can’t win…

    @Violet: The state party has its challenges. There is a real-live liberal Democrat running against Crist in the primary — Nan Rich. But most analysts have pretty much written her off. I was hoping former Tampa mayor Pam Iorio would run, but she didn’t. She was a great mayor.

    @SatanicPanic: I agree. Charlie Crist would be okay with me. He was a popular governor and not an ideologue; I generally despise Republican pols but could never hate on Charlie. If he wins the Dem nomination (and he almost certainly will), I will vote for him and drag friends to the polls, etc.

  34. 34
    Cervantes says:

    @Violet: Maybe they’re still in mourning?

  35. 35

    @Violet: Yeah, pretty much, thanks to the fact that if it wasn’t for Miami-Dade, Broward, and Monroe (the Keys) counties, Florida would be closer to Georgia politically. North of Orlando it’s basically Lower Alabama. I’ve been back in Miami since 2001, voted in every election, and I can’t tell you the names of major Democratic candidates running for statewide office.

    I wish Nan Rich had a chance, but thanks to Charlie Crist (whose gangsta name would be Anybodys) she’s a footnote in the race.

  36. 36
    Violet says:

    @Corner Stone: It was a real question. As for Texas, it’s a one-party state. That party used to be the Democrats. Now it’s the Republicans. It’ll switch again and be the Democrats. When, who knows.

  37. 37
    Corner Stone says:

    @Violet: 2024

  38. 38
    JPL says:

    Any chance that one of the regulars, know how to turn off the volume on the ads?

  39. 39
    Corner Stone says:

    @Violet: They have an R Gov, an R Senate leader and an R House leader. The only thing making FL’s D Party different than TX’s D Party is that FL has one Senator who has a D after his name.

  40. 40
    Violet says:

    @Corner Stone: You’re probably right. It’s going to take something to happen–not sure what that is. Demographics?

  41. 41
    PIGL says:

    @BGinCHI: True, this. At some point, electorates are accountable.

  42. 42
    Violet says:

    @JPL: Flashblock, Adblock, Ghostery or mute your computer.

  43. 43
    dmsilev says:

    @Violet: Exactly. And in 2006, he was running around the country giving speeches for Democrats prior to the election. It was …not a surprise when he announced he was running for President (Feb 2007; Edwards announced in late December and Hillary in January). It’s considered uncouth to announce that you’re running for President before the midterms, but the people who are seriously thinking about it are already talking to donors and professional staff and the like.

  44. 44
    KG says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    We ladies just can’t win

    the answer seems obvious: a married lesbian. a woman president and a first lady.

    and mass head explosions among the socons.

    i’m not seeing a down side.

  45. 45
    KG says:

    @Corner Stone: governor vs president is a big difference though.

  46. 46
    Corner Stone says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    We ladies just can’t win…

    I have no idea why, but when I read this comment I thought it was by BGinCHI. And I got to the “ladies” part and was like, “you go, girl!”.

  47. 47
    Gene108 says:

    @Betty Cracker:

    I think Bill’s stayed out of the decision making in Hillary’s stints as a Senator and Sec of State that it is a matter of perception that has been handled on smaller stages on who is calling the shots wrt Hillsry’s public service.

    Also, I think if Hillary does a non-incompetent job as President , the “ball buster” label will not be as much of an issue for future women Presidents.

    I think it would be like after Jackie Robinson and Larry Dobby, the hostility towards African-American baseball players declined in subsequent years.

    After Hillary and Bill the dynamics of female President and First Husband would be set in people’s minds, so it will not be a “scary, unknown,” thing that can be demonized because it is new and unknown.

  48. 48
    Corner Stone says:

    @Violet: Yes, the demographic shift combined with just not being fucking crazy.
    If we can keep the conservative D’s here from going batshit on the issue of immigration we can all slowly back away from the crazy that will be the R party.
    Surprisingly, the R party in TX has, overall, played the immigration issue very low key. They have demonized the little diseased drug runners here and there, but the party hasn’t gone to 11 against them. Yet. That time is coming.
    And when that happens the D’s need to 1)openly promote an alternative for the “Hispanic” community and 2)minimize the nutjob conservative D’s who are scared to death on this issue.
    If the D’s just don’t step on their dick too hard or too often, the R’s are going to implode on the immigration issue in TX over the next 10 years. We can get them out of the shadows and into society and present a real, true opportunity. If we let ourselves do that, TX will be solid blue for 30 years.

    ETA, I sometimes use Hispanics in scare quotes because it seems to me like a lot of times people lump a very not homogenous group into one solid group. They are not. So, in come the scare quotes.

  49. 49
    Corner Stone says:

    @KG: What?

  50. 50
    Betty Cracker says:

    @KG: I don’t see a downside to that either.

    @Gene108: One thing I’d like to see as a side effect of a female president would be a complete reimagining of the “First Lady/Gent” role. There’s not chance in hell that it would happen, but it would be great if future president’s spouses — of whatever gender or orientation — weren’t constrained by the kind of dumb expectations that have plagued every First Lady from Martha Washington to Michelle Obama.

  51. 51
    Dog On Porch says:

    Betty, you’ve cracked (crackered?) up. Unless you’ve just blogged while drunk, in which case let me remind you that Michelle Bachman may be in need of a 2016 press secretary.

  52. 52
    KG says:

    @Corner Stone: i was thinking of the former governor of Illinois, I’m guessing you were talking about someone else?

  53. 53
    PaulW says:

    I think there’s a residency law on the books to be able to run for Governor. Unless Hillary’s been living in a condo in Boca Raton as a primary residence in the last three-five years, I don’t think she can run.

    Personally, I think once the primary voting is clear and Crist can secure the Democratic nomination, he’ll be getting more of the undecided left-leaning voters who will be aware of the fact that we’ll be facing 4 more goddamn years with a goddamn Medicare Fraud in office desperate to rig the state courts to favor him and his corporate cronies.

    Not to mention the likelihood of Scott creating a handful of gaffes between now and November (how recent has the polling been? has it picked up any downward trends after the illegal use of on-duty officers at a fundraiser, or his failure to answer questions about it that led to national humiliation on CNN?). We’re getting more and more reports about questionable conflicts of interest with Scott’s “blind” trusts and his buddies looking for government payouts…

    The key thing is this, Betty: GET THE GODDAMN VOTE OUT THIS NOVEMBER. We need every Democrat voting in every district and we need every NPA voting Democrat! It’s the only way to break this goddamn gerrymandered state out of the crony GOP’s death-grip!

  54. 54
    PaulW says:

    @Corner Stone:

    They have an R Gov, an R Senate leader and an R House leader. The only thing making FL’s D Party different than TX’s D Party is that FL has one Senator who has a D after his name.

    Florida voted for Obama. Twice.

    It has everything to do with voter turnout. There are roughly 600,000 more registered Democrats in Florida over Republicans. If you split up NPA voters even 60-40 in favor of Republicans there should be a significant voter count for Democrats. And yet… and yet… we’re getting killed with massive gerrymandering that’s crafted out a 65 percent advantage to Republicans, which is total BS.

  55. 55
    CarolDuhart2 says:

    @KG: You got me thinking: just what kind of work could a First Spouse do without many problems? Writer wouldn’t be so bad. Most of the work is solitary, he/she could take off to attend to other events whenever necessary, and they are certain to be published. Computer coding? Artist with sketchbooks would work too.
    The down side would be going around to places to do research or sketches, but those could be scheduled for safety’s sake.

    First Spouse, MD? Forget it. They would have to go to the hospital whenever needed-and by the way, what hospital wants that hassle?

  56. 56
    Corner Stone says:

    @PaulW: I think you’re missing the point.

  57. 57
    Corner Stone says:

    @KG: I was spoofing off Jack Ryan in Tom Clancy fiction novels.
    He became president and his wife took a helicopter ride each day into work to continue being a Dr.

  58. 58
    KG says:

    @CarolDuhart2: writer or artist would be about it. and there’d probably be a mini-“scandal” if they weren’t already published or shown.

    @Corner Stone: ah, well, that explains it. never read Clancy, was never a genre I cared for (though I did read the Vince Flynn books – they were ok)

  59. 59
    Donut says:


    You must not be reading the same thing I’m reading, because the bit was kinda obviously tilted towards tongue-in-cheek to me.

    I offer that the piece is much more about Charlie Christ than Hillary Clinton. She’s kind of, like, symbolic of something. Or whatever.

    That’d be my take, though your mileage may vary.

  60. 60
    angler says:

    Love the idea.

  61. 61
    Cervantes says:


    It was a real question.

    Yes, and “Lawton Chiles died” was a real answer. Let me elaborate.

    Florida has always been a sort of one-party state, in the sense that the two parties have dominated it alternately. The Republicans ruled for decades after the Civil War. Then came the Depression and the New Deal, which was the last time the Democrats were at their peak (the way the Republicans are now). In fact, in the ’30s, Florida Republicans were in dire straits — they polled so badly state-wide in 1936 that they almost lost their official status as a political party. It was the Democrats who went out of their way to save them, by lowering the legal threshold for being registered as a party.

    Then, you might say inevitably, two things began to happen. Florida Democrats, secure in their dominance as a party, focused on competing with each other rather than maintaining a strong party infrastructure. Whereas the Republicans began building their machine; which task took them about fifty years. By the late ’80s the Democrats had a real challenge on their hands — which, as you may have noticed, they lost decisively in the ’90s. Lawton Chiles did get himself elected Governor in 1990, but it was more his victory than the party’s. There was no state-wide Democratic machine to speak of.

    What will it take, you ask, for the Democrats to recover and build again? I’m not sure but I can guarantee one thing: the Republicans will not help them (not intentionally).

  62. 62
    Steeplejack says:


    Check out the Ad Blocker browser add-on.

    ETA: Just checked, and I’m actually using AdBlock Plus (with Firefox).

  63. 63
    David Koch says:


    The Republicans ruled for decades after the Civil War.

    that’s not correct. the republicans only controlled the FLA state house for 10 years after the civil war, not decades. After 1877, the GOP wouldn’t win the state house for another 90 years. at the presidential level, the gop would only win 3 elections during that 90 span (voting for Ike twice and benefiting from the anti-catholic backlash in 1928).

    what is interesting is how small Florida was in terms of population until the 1960s. In 1900 it only had 4 EV. In 1956 it only had 8 EV. It then doubles to 17 in 1972, adding another 12 EVs over the past 40 years.

  64. 64
    Cervantes says:

    @David Koch:

    that’s not correct. the republicans only controlled the FLA state house for 10 years after the civil war, not decades.

    You’re right, I should have said “a bit more than a decade,” not “decades.” Thanks.

    So after the Civil War, the Democrats began to take power back in the mid-to-late 1870s.

    Subsequently, the dynamics were as I described them above.

  65. 65
    no_absolutes says:

    I really think FL Republicans look Firestone defeating Hillary. They’re the worst of the worst. It would be a disaster for her to even consider it.

  66. 66
    mclaren says:

    Seriously, Betty. Can you buy a clue for $20?

    Hillary Clinton wants to sit in the Big Chair. The way things are going, the Republicans are so insane, Hillary probably will wind up sitting in the Big Chair because her opponent in November 2016 will be some loon like Rick Perry or Rand Paul.

    It’s pointless and stupid to even contemplate Hillary doing anything other than running for prez in 2016, because this is a Barack Obama 2006 election moment. Remember? That moment back when the Republicans decided it would be a really great idea to run an insane person, Alan Keyes, for the senate seat Barack Obama was up for in 2006?

    Hillary has got a lock on this election and she’s not gonna give it up. I’ll hold my nose and vote for her. Florida is a big state, but nowhere near as important as the White House. If we get another far-right loon in the Oval Office, stick a fork in this country — it’s done.

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