If We’re Playing Fantasy Politics League

Hey, if this is going to be a dream, let’s not dream small (like Elizabeth Warren on the Supremes). Warren is 65, which is about 40 years too old to play in my liberal justice fantasy league. I want the Doogie Houser of constitutional law, except he or she needs to be of the gender and racial background most hated at the moment by whatever the right wing is calling itself (Tea Party, Sluts Must Die Party, Fascismo Americano, etc.). My Doogie, who began college at age 12, will have completed law school and passed the bar the day before his or her 18th birthday. During college and law school, his or her spare time will have been divided between pro bono work at a legal clinic for undocumented immigrants and escorting women to the their appointments at the local Planned Parenthood abortionplex.

Now that, my friends, is a nominee we can all get behind.

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28 replies
  1. 1
    Richard Bottoms says:

    A little off topic, but you should really check out the fail parade over at Pando:

    http://pando.com/2014/07/18/ho.....-cesspool/

    Seems it’s possible to rail against racism on the Right while maintaining a lily white staff, except for one Asian guy. The fun part is my pimp makeover in a fake profile. Guess the old joke about what do you call a black man with a college degree still applies. (BTW, the place seems to be a ghost town in the comments sections where I have been at them for a solid week.)

    So in the tradition of a stopped clock, the article about the Paul’s and Reason is accurate, just that the folks printing it are the worst people in the world.

  2. 2
    Baud says:

    We should nominate a fetus. How could the GOP possibly say no to that!

  3. 3
    I'mNotSureWhoIWantToBeYet says:

    How about Larry? Youngish, understands the law, understands the implications of copyright, the internet, is able to explain things clearly for a lay audience, etc. He’d be a good choice.

    The Court is too homogeneous (even though there are two distinct factions in many cases). Businesses win too often in the cases that the Court decides to accept. In addition to getting the reactionary Bible-thumpers and “federalists” (who think that the Constitution was perfect as signed in 1787) off the court, we need to get more people who understand the implications of the internet, patents, copyright, and all that goes with it, on the bench.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  4. 4
    Alex S. says:

    Hmm, maybe Edward Snowden.

  5. 5
    MomSense says:

    I personally would like to see Barack Obama on the Supreme Court. He’s young so he could have a nice long run, he is qualified and would do good, and the RWNJ heads exploding when the Kenyan usurper who is destroying our constitution and way of life takes the bench—priceless!

  6. 6
    dmsilev says:

    During college and law school, his or her spare time will have been divided between pro bono work at a legal clinic for undocumented immigrants and escorting women to the their appointments at the local Planned Parenthood abortionplex.

    As a hobby, he or she sneaks out at night, beats up bankers and oil-company executives, and redistributes their wealth to the poor.

  7. 7
    MattF says:

    On topic, one should read (or re-read) Jeffrey Toobin’s profile of Ted Cruz:

    http://www.newyorker.com/repor.....ntPage=all

    and note that conservatives have constructed a pipeline for young legal stars that has been in operation for the past twenty years, at least.

  8. 8
    hells littlest angel says:

    Ronin Farrow would look pretty funny in a black robe.

  9. 9
    wenchacha says:

    Get someone who has been hard at work for the Southern Poverty Law Ctr. And maybe someone with legal experience before, and then during imprisonment, which is finally overturned thanks to the Innocence Project.

  10. 10
    Roger Moore says:

    his or her

    Why do you insist on using a binary conception of gender? I’m sure our ideal Supreme Court justice won’t be bounded by such traditional gender rules.

  11. 11
    Keith G says:

    @MomSense: I don’t think so. His views on civil liberties is not liberal enough for the court that we need. Too much has been lost.

  12. 12
    Cervantes says:

    My Doogie, who began college at age 12, will have completed law school and passed the bar the day before his or her 18th birthday. During college and law school, his or her spare time will have been divided between pro bono work at a legal clinic for undocumented immigrants and escorting women to the their appointments at the local Planned Parenthood abortionplex.

    At 12-18 years old, your Doogie would not survive more than a week or two of (abortion) clinic defense.

  13. 13
    Mino says:

    Your ideal candidate is a social democrat. I want an economic one.

  14. 14
    the Conster says:

    Barney Frank isn’t young, but he sure ticks off a lot of boxes, and all the right people. Frank/Castro 2016, or Frank/Kamala Harris.

  15. 15
    JoyceH says:

    @MomSense:

    I personally would like to see Barack Obama on the Supreme Court. He’s young so he could have a nice long run, he is qualified and would do good, and the RWNJ heads exploding when the Kenyan usurper who is destroying our constitution and way of life takes the bench—priceless!

    That’s actually quite feasible. Taft was appointed Chief Justice eight years after he left the presidency, so it’s not like it’s never happened before.

  16. 16
    Snarki, child of Loki says:

    Dougie is arguably too young to qualify for preznit…

    …unless he falsifies that inconvenient birth certificate, both to check the ‘native born’ box AND backdating the birth date.

    Perhaps he can borrow Obama’s Time Machine to go back and plant birth announcements? That would seal the deal.

  17. 17
    Currants says:

    @MomSense: hmmm have to admit I’d like someone WAY to the left of O.

  18. 18
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    My Doogie would have done all of what Mistermix suggested, and commanded an infantry company in Afghanistan successfully and with wild acclaim, to absolutely nail down the military vote and neutralize any “soft on defense” argument from the cretins, although successful command in combat is no guarantor of electoral success, as John Kerry discovered in 2004 when running against a deserting coward and a draft dodger.

  19. 19
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @hells littlest angel: My thoughts exactly. Ronan Farrow comes to mind, save the spite inducing ethnicity/gender. But “Hollywood bloodlines” (regardless of who dad is!) may sort of substitute for the melanin and ovarian deficiency.

    FWIW, I’m on Team Frank in the paternity stakes.

  20. 20
  21. 21
    James E. Powell says:

    @MattF:

    and note that conservatives have constructed a pipeline for young legal stars that has been in operation for the past twenty years, at least.

    I think it goes back further than 1994. The Federalist Society goes back at least to Reagan years.

    I don’t know of anything similar for non-right wingers. Democrats generally view each other as rivals; Republicans mostly view each other as teammates.

  22. 22
    JR says:

    The names you’re looking for are Goodwin Liu and Pamela Karlan.

  23. 23
    James E. Powell says:

    @JoyceH:

    Taft was appointed Chief Justice eight years after he left the presidency, so it’s not like it’s never happened before.

    We can pretty sure that that will never happen again. Former presidents are put out to pasture. If they are Democrats, they have foundations. If they are Republicans, they tend to stay out of public view while what’s left of their souls rots away.

  24. 24
    Gretchen says:

    @MomSense: Obama on the Supreme Court is my favorite fanstasy also.

  25. 25
    Talentless Hack says:

    @Gretchen: That would work. He’s not really all that old – just 52 next month – and he’s in pretty good shape (better than me, and I’m a year younger).

    That said, wouldn’t it be cool if the Hillary-beast found a native-American lesbian Muslim (complete with hijab, and with impeccable legal qualifications) for the Court?

  26. 26
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Talentless Hack:
    Obama will be 53, actually. And his birthday is just two weeks away, on the fourth. (He and I share a birth year, 1961.)

    Don’t you have to be 35 to be President? (I presume this means reaching that age on or before the day one takes the oath of office.)

  27. 27
    Mike in dc says:

    Pick 9 unemployed or underemployed members of the law school classes of 2008 through 2013, aka The Lost Generation.

  28. 28
    pkdz says:

    Do state Supreme Court associates ever get nominated? Monica Marquez is on the Colorado Supreme Court. She was with with Jesuit Volunteer Corps for two years, working in Camden and Philadelphia. She is a past president of the Colorado GLBT Bar Association. She is brilliant. She was appointed by a Democrat and received backing from her former boss, a Republican Attorney General.

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