Dude, You’re Seriously Not Fooling Anyone

This is a Tunchesque picture of Steve:


Yeah. Just sit there Steve and a bird is going to fall off the feeder.

PRO-TIP: They know you are there, that’s why there aren’t 20 birds sitting on the fence taking turns on the feeders like they do the other 24 hours of the day.

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129 replies
  1. srv says:

    This is how many here will feel waiting for the next DougJ.

    Can we at least do a kickstarter to bring Dengre back?

  2. Ash Can says:

    LOL. Maybe if you order him a pizza he’ll forget about the bird feeder.

    And belated birthday wishes.

  3. Elizabelle says:

    John Cole: Happy Birthday a day late. Hope it was a good one. Having Christion and the piglets involved would do that.

  4. Lavocat says:

    At the very least, you’d think a blue jay or crow would start fucking with him.

    Even dive-bombings from swallows would be interesting.

    Maybe Steve thinks he blends with the fence.

  5. redshirt says:


    I’ve been reading about your hummingbird struggles and I can relate. I, too, have witnessed the cruelty of hummingbirds. I’ve seen them fight each other such that no one gets to drink from the sweet, sweet nectar. Why, hummingbirds? Why must you fight so?

  6. Howard Beale IV says:

    I got an email from the breeder of my Ozzie: he has two spayed black 7 yr old Persians who need forever homes in Des Moines.

  7. mai naem says:

    Stevie obviously thinks the fence is camouflaging him. Also, your camera skills have improved vastly.

  8. Kropadope says:

    @redshirt: So, Congress models it’s behavior on hummingbirds? Now it all makes sense. All the flapping around and not going anywhere…

  9. ruemara says:

    I keep taking out the cats to “socialize” them but really, I’m cuddling them, kissing them and letting them walk all over me and getting scritched to heck with their adorable, teeny tiny, super sharp kitteh claws. SO cute.

  10. srv says:

    @Elizabelle: Unless he has found a better venue for his writing, he should miss us. Maybe we weren’t appreciative enough.

    I think he should be on Medium, or could have been successful at a more establishment venue given time.

  11. Anne Laurie says:

    And yet, Cole, how many hours a week do you spend slavering over hot ladies on the tv/internet even though you are totally aware none of them will ever so much as give you the time of day?…

    Steve is no longer interested in hot lady cats, but he still has his dreams!

  12. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Anne Laurie:

    And yet, Cole, how many hours a week do you spend slavering over hot ladies on the tv/internet even though you are totally aware none of them will ever so much as give you the time of day?…

    A mental picture that no one really needed.

  13. StringOnAStick says:

    @mai naem: You gotta admit, Steve is the perfect color combo to blend into a weathered privacy fence.

    I can’t remember if I mentioned that the next door neighbor got a semi-blurry photo of a young mountain lion running away from our respective back yards a few weekends ago. According to several sources, a disease of some sort has seriously reduced the fox and coyote population around here over the last 12 months, which explains why we’ve been having lots of bobcat and now young mountain lion sightings thanks to the opening up of some predator opportunities. It also explains the explosion in the population of bunnies and squirrels too that occurred before the new predators moved in.

  14. TaMara (BHF) says:

    Happy belated birthday Mr. JGC.

    I’m house hunting. Having my own business and my office here, means I need more space. And maybe with more space I won’t have to play rotate the cats while I try to get work done. I get one moved off my pile of papers and distracted with something or other and another one takes their place. Rinse, repeat.

    I need an office where I can shut. the. door.

  15. Frankensteinbeck says:

    Just sit there Steve and a bird is going to fall off the feeder.

    It might. Birds are not the sharpest tools in the potato bag. One bird gives another a pecking, the victim falls a couple of feet in surprise, and Steve has a tasty treat. This stuff really does happen.

  16. Ash Can says:

    I too miss Dennis G, as well as ABL, Zandar, and Sarah Proud and Tall’s delightfully vicious satires. Hopefully things will pick up around here again when the presidential campaign heats up.

  17. TaMara (BHF) says:

    @jeffreyw: I didn’t realize Homer was the odd man out. After Harley died and the new guy arrived, we had some serious issues, this stuff worked wonders. I just spritz it around just before bed and in the morning. I also spray it in their crates before vet visits and the vet can’t believe how calm they all have been.

    Feliway Comfort Zone.

    It also comes in a plug-in atomizer, but I didn’t want that much sprayed around.

  18. Mnemosyne says:

    @TaMara (BHF):

    I strongly recommended that my brother get the Feliway spray and spray it all over his fabric couches before he let his new kittens roam free. Everyone will be much happier that way.

  19. lamh36 says:

    OT, but read this and of course my first thoughts were for poor ole Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson, they were the real victims in each of their cases…victims of that “liberal” Hollywood bias…ugh…

    Gary Oldman Blasts Liberal Hollywood, Defends Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin

    Gary Oldman has blasted Hollywood for what he perceives as a double standard — asserting that Bill Maher and Jon Stewart can get away with politically incorrect humor while others like Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin cannot.

    The profanity-laced statements are included in an interview with the July-August issue of Playboy. The most explosive part of the interview includes attacks on Maher, Stewart and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, following his declaration that political correctness is “crap.”

    “Well, if I called Nancy Pelosi a c*** — and I’ll go one better, a fucking useless c*** — I can’t really say that. But Bill Maher and Jon Stewart can, and nobody’s going to stop them from working because of it. Bill Maher could call someone a fag and get away with it. He said to Seth MacFarlane this year, ‘I thought you were going to do the Oscars again. Instead they got a lesbian.’ He can say something like that. Is that more or less offensive than Alec Baldwin saying to someone in the street, ‘You fag’? I don’t get it.”

    Oldman also asserted that the culture in Hollywood during the past awards season was such that “if you didn’t vote for ’12 Years a Slave,’ you were a racist. You have to be very careful about what you say.”…

  20. Frankensteinbeck says:


    “I don’t know about Mel. He got drunk and said a few things, but we’ve all said those things,”

    Has anyone, ANYONE, here ever gotten drunk and said that the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world?

  21. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Frankensteinbeck: I am pretty sure that I, for one, have not. To be fair though, if I ever were drunk enough to say that, I doubt I would remember much of the two week bender that got me there.

  22. WereBear says:

    @Frankensteinbeck: Craig Ferguson has a very funny standup special on Netflix where his take:

    “‘Oh, that Mel Gibson, he was just drunk.’ Oh really? I was a drop dead alcoholic for ten years and I never went Third Reich on anybody!”

  23. John (MCCARTHY) Cole says:

    @Frankensteinbeck: One of the greatest standups on Netflix right now is Craig Ferguson, and he does an entire bit about Mel Gibson (that ties into an earlier segment he had on Nazis). The gist of it is that Craig notes he was a blackout drunk for 17 years, and never went all Third Reich on anyone. How drunk was Mel Gibson? I was blacked out for 17 years and never once got so drunk I started hating the jews and goose-stepping. Was I just one drink short?

    Seriously fucking brilliant. The whole standup routine is in one of my top ten.

    Check it out on Netflix: Craig Ferguson: I’m Here to Help

  24. Howard Beale IV says:

    @lamh36: Oldman’s has had so many second tier roles (The Fifth Element/Lost In Space) it’s no surprise he’s talking shit.

  25. lamh36 says:

    @Howard Beale IV: Unlike with James Woods or Voight, I actually love Goldman as an actor, Fifth Element is actually one of my fav movies. This bit just makes me go ugh…why dude why….

  26. Howard Beale IV says:

    @lamh36: Well, I can cut him a little slack on The Fifth Element-Lost In Space, OTOH, forget it. And I’m pretty sure if I rooted around I could find some other second rate roles he did….

  27. lamh36 says:

    I wish I was kidding, but are you guys ready for “Chipotle-gate”?

    It really never ceases to amaze me the type of silly BS anti-Obama idjits like Malkin and her twitchy bunch will latch onto.

    Maybe we shoulda started a pre-approved list of names ala Hurricane Season, soon as Obama was elected. Shoot, it’s getting ridiculous the number of “gates” we have had with this presidency.

    Obama Accused of ‘Overreach’ in Chipotle Stop http://on.wsj.com/1iAnb0g via @WSJPolitics #Chipotleghazi

  28. ruemara says:

    @lamh36: wowser. I really liked him. This is why I don’t believe in meeting people you admire.

    @WaterGirl: My workload doubled and that’s probably me being optimistic. I need to get a handle on our SEO keywords and fast and sales need to boost. And that’s just the marketing side. I have surrendered to not knowing WTF I am doing, since I am winging everything. I really don’t even know what my position is anymore, because I’m handling so much. I’m just gonna have to do it as a bit by bit process and hope I don’t tank the company in the meanwhile.

  29. lamh36 says:

    @srv: wait, are you kiddin? was Jeff Goldblum REALLY supposed to play that part?

    Wow, I just don’t even see it now. Oldman was great. Which makes his statement even more …ugh

  30. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Howard Beale IV: Okay then. My apologies for trying to differentiate between non-starring but high quality roles and lesser quality roles. I have no idea why that might matter even though Oldman’s career has featured a fair share of both.

  31. lamh36 says:

    @srv: LOL. Damn spellcheck gets me every damn time…

    Of course I meant Oldman.

    Yeah, that went totally over my head…lol

    And that is obviously my cue to go my happy azz to sleep. Cause if that was a snake, that woulda bit me…lol

  32. max says:

    @lamh36: It really never ceases to amaze me the type of silly BS anti-Obama idjits like Malkin and her twitchy bunch will latch onto.

    It never amazes me – they plan to throw rocks, they scrabble for some, they don’t find any, they throw styrofoam, empty cans, bits of confetti, dried grass, whatever they comes to hand.

    It’s what they’re paid to do, so I ignore it, just like I ignore reverse mortgage (or what have you) commercials on TV.

    [‘The spellchecker wants me to capitalize styrofoam. No. I will not.’]

  33. Howard Beale IV says:


    It really never ceases to amaze me the type of silly BS anti-Obama idjits like Malkin and her twitchy bunch will latch onto

    The serial griefer Malkin sold Twitchy to some Christian outfit a year or two ago.

  34. Amir Khalid says:

    I’m disappointed in Gary Oldman. Alec Baldwin is notorious for his lack of self-control, Mel Gibson for his extreme views. Neither is a victim of Jewish-controlled anything.

    Meanwhile, anonymous sources at the Royal Malaysian Police have declared that (a) Capt Zahiri Ahmad Shah’s calendar was suspiciously free of work or social appointments for after March 8, and (b) his home flight sim files now show that he practised landings on small islands, which they find suspicious.

  35. Jewish Steel says:

    Sorry, BJ pedants. Crown and coronate have subtly different meanings. The way Betty uses it is just fine.

    I was busy today, so I’m just catching up now.

  36. David Koch says:

    Removal of Chemical Weapons From Syria Is Completed
    Wall Street Journal June 23, 2014 1:39 p.m. ET

    All the dangerous substances from Syria’s chemical weapons program, including sulfur mustard and precursors of sarin, have now been removed from the country after a monthslong process, a Hague-based watchdog agency said Monday.

    The announcement marks a diplomatic and logistical milestone. Never before has a country’s entire chemical arsenal been removed from its borders.

    In connected news, new construction in South Dakota keeps pace.

  37. Amir Khalid says:

    @Suffern ACE:
    This is why I’d rather see interviews in Q&A format: You know how a question was phrased, you know just what the subject said in response. Better then a free-form write-up in which the journalist picks out quotes, and or all you know may be quoting the subject out of context.

  38. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Amir Khalid: Oldman is a Millwall supporter.*

    *I am an Arsenal supporter in the Premier League (Gunners? Come on.) and a Richmond supporter in Rugby (back in the amateur days, I became friend with one of their wings and partied a bit with the team).

  39. some guy says:

    chemical weapons removed from Syria? remind me again who actually used chemical weapons in Syria. repeatedly.

  40. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @some guy: Why don’t you remind us and provide links? Question for you: if this news is true, isn’t it pretty fucking clear that the Syrian government had control of the weapons – else they would not have been found and removed?

  41. David Koch says:

    McCain Was For ISIS Before He Was Against ISIS

    “Thank God for the Saudis and Prince Bandar,” John McCain told CNN’s Candy Crowley in January 2014. “Thank God for the Saudis and Prince Bandar, and for our Qatari friends,” the senator said once again a month later, at the Munich Security Conference.

    As one senior Qatari official stated, “ISIS has been a Saudi project.”

  42. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Amir Khalid: Like I said, I am a Gunner. All the rest of y’all can fuck off.*

    *No offense meant. Just rhetorical effect.

  43. some guy says:

    perhaps, given the time it took it to do so, Turkey on June 3 finally designated al-Qaeda-affiliated Jabhat al-Nusra a terrorist organization. The decision was seen as further proof of Turkey’s failed Syria policy, which has left the government of Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan little choice but to fall in line with the United States with regard to radical groups fighting in that country.

    Author Semih IdizPosted June 10, 2014
    Translator(s)Ezgi Akin

    The decision to ban Jabhat al-Nusra also comes tellingly less than a week after President Barack Obama announced that aid to Turkey, as well as Jordan, Lebanon and Iraq, would be increased so that they can “confront terrorists working across Syria’s borders.”

    The question arises as to why the Erdogan government decided to blacklist Jabhat al-Nusra now, after having resisted doing so for so long. The simple answer seems to be that its Syria policy is in tatters, after all the horses it bet on lost one by one.

    Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has proved to have staying power, and his latest election gambit shows that he will remain in place for the foreseeable future. In the meantime, it has become apparent that there will be no direct Western-led military intervention against the Syrian regime, which continues to get major backing from Russia and Iran.

    The Erdogan government has no choice at this point but to also accept that as far as the United States and Europe are concerned, the emphasis in Syria has shifted from toppling Assad to combating the al-Qaeda-affiliated jihadist groups in that country.

    Read more: http://www.al-monitor.com/puls.....z35X3WCHkK

  44. some guy says:

    As one senior Qatari official stated, “ISIS has been a Saudi project.”

    Before or After Senator Walnuts was On Board?

  45. some guy says:

    The United States and some Western countries, like France, were not averse at first to arming the Syrian opposition with sophisticated weapons. These countries even appeared willing to start a bombing campaign against Assad’s forces after chemical weapons were used in that country.

    They pulled back, however, not only because it could not be established conclusively who used the chemical weapons, but also because of the fear that jihadist groups could fill the political vacuum left by the Assad regime if it were to be ousted by a military intervention.

    The idea of providing the Syrian opposition with heavy and sophisticated weapons was also overridden by fears that these could fall into the hands of radicals and be turned against the West in the future.

    Put in a nutshell, the groups that the Erdogan government may have once seen as providing an advantage against Assad turned out in the end to be serious liabilities for Turkey’s ill-fated, and in hindsight ill-considered, Syrian policy. This liability increased after Syria-related terrorist attacks started to take place in Turkey.

    The main attack of this sort, which concentrated Turkish minds and turned the public even more against the government’s Syria policy, was the Reyhanli twin car bombing on May 11, 2013, which left at least 50 dead. Although the government was quick to blame Assad loyalists, the opposition in Turkey still insists that it was jihadist groups that carried out the attack.

    Meanwhile, the so-called “Sunni Axis” against Syria, comprising Turkey, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Qatar, fell apart without having influenced the course of events against Assad. Today, members of this “axis” not only bear grudges against each other, but are also deeply suspicious of each other’s intentions, for a variety of reasons.

    This has limited Ankara’s options further, and forced it not only to coordinate its Syria policy more closely with Washington, but to also remain open to fresh regional overtures from Iran, which appears the winner today, given developments in Syria and the crumbling of the “Sunni Axis.”

    It was significant, therefore, that Iranian President Hassan Rouhani, who arrived in Ankara this week for talks, should have told reporters during his news conference with President Abdullah Gul on June 9, that Turkey and Iran were determined to combat extremism and terrorism in the region “and to promote true and divine Islam in the world.”

    Read more: http://www.al-monitor.com/puls.....z35X5xkfmk

  46. David Koch says:

    By mid-April, just two weeks after President Obama met with King Abdullah on March 28, Bandar had also been removed from his position as head of Saudi intelligence—according to official government statements, at “his own request.” Sources close to the royal court told me that, in fact, the king fired Bandar over his handling of the kingdom’s Syria policy

    McCain and Senator Lindsey Graham had previously met with Bandar to encourage the Saudis to arm Syrian rebel forces.

    Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Martin Dempsey and Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel to encourage restraint in arming Syrian rebels. President Obama has so far heeded these warnings.

  47. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @some guy: Pretending that an internet convention doesn’t exist doesn’t make it disappear. If you want to make a point, make it. Dare to be direct. And then have the facts to support it. Give me evidence that the rebels used chemical weapons and that getting chemical weapons out of the Assad government’s hands is not a good thing.

  48. some guy says:

    @David Koch:

    It was significant, therefore, that Iranian President Hassan Rouhani, who arrived in Ankara this week for talks, should have told reporters

    The Wall Street Journal reported on Friday that Iran had entered the fight in Iraq last week by dispatching Quds commander Gen. Qasem Sulaimani to advise the Iraqi army and fighters to help battle Sunni extremists affiliated with al Qaeda known as the Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham or ISIS.

  49. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @Amir Khalid: some guy doesn’t work that way. He provides unattributed quotes in support of his positions and also offers unlinked out of context quotes from those who disagree with him to try to discredit them. As said in GoT, “It is known,”

  50. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @some guy: This is all you have? I have been polite and simply asked you to support your assertions. If you are incapable of doing so, it is not my fault. It does make me feel bad for the students for whom you are a TA, but that is another story. Most of academia asks for textual support for factual assertions. N’est ce pas?

  51. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @some guy: Ah, what the fuck… Who the hell is Liz Sly? What the fuck Glorious Revolution are you talking about? (Some of us are familiar with British history and would associate that with 1688 – I take it that you mean something different?) OTOH, you wouldn’t have the first fucking idea of what is like to be soldier.

  52. Xenos says:

    @redshirt: the Mayans believed that their most valiant warriors were reincarnated as hummingbirds. Their most gruesome sacrifices were in honor of Huitzilapotchtli, the hummingbird god.

  53. burnspbesq says:

    @Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name):

    There’s a bucket of crap out there that speculates about who might have been responsible for the August 2013 gas attacks. It all predates the intel work that established, to the satisfaction of pretty much every objective observer (a category which never included someguy and no longer includes Sy Hersh), that it was the gubmint done did it.

  54. Omnes Omnibus (the first of his name) says:

    @burnspbesq: I am just waiting for some guy to provide some textual support for his position. Ain’t seein’ it. I tend to wonder if he is full of shit. I hate to leap to conclusions.

  55. David Koch says:

    The sources and conclusions used to support Seymour Hersh’s argument just don’t stack up

    This is hilarious. The usual progressive betters were beating their chests when Hersh’s article came out.

  56. Antid Oto says:

    Not to pee on Steve’s parade, but cats are a serious threat to birds. Ideally everyone should please keep their cats indoors. Failing that, please don’t create ecological traps by putting out feeders in yards that also have cats.

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