Pretty much any non-felon who can fog a mirror can obtain a concealed carry permit in Florida (1,269,021 already have — suck it, Texas!). That way, they can strut around gated townhouse communities stroking The Precious in their pockets and be ready to respond to impudent, hoodie-wearing, Skittles-carrying, tea-drinking teens with a hail of gunfire if they feel they’re in danger of getting an ass-whoopin’ for being a creepy-ass cracker stalker.
They can also whip out The Precious at a crowded shopping center and threaten complete strangers who are whipping someone else’s ass due to unknown reasons, and not only will they NOT be arrested, the local news media will laud them as “Good Samaritans:”
Robert Avery came to PetSmart in Largo to buy fish food. He never thought he would be using his handgun to break up a fight.
Largo Police says Avery did nothing wrong. He always carries his concealed weapons permit. Police say that gives him the right to have the gun in the shopping center parking lot. Police added that by protecting the victim that gave him the right to pull the gun.
“If it wasn’t for me, nobody else was acting outside here,” he said. “Everybody was just going on their merry way with no concern for someone who was literally getting the daylights beat out of him.”
Largo police did not file any charges. They say there was no evidence to prove who started the fight. Both men say the other started it.
Avery claims he made sure no innocent bystanders were between the barrel of his gun and the combatants, which is, of course, awfully magnanimous of him, but who the fuck appointed him Eliot Ness?
And how did a person who is unable to use “literally” correctly in a sentence presume to divine that one of the fighters wouldn’t pull out his own gun and start shooting in the crowded area, perhaps taking out someone’s toddler or Bichon Frisé?
And since the cops didn’t have enough evidence to charge either of the combatants with a crime, and apparently no one was rushed to the emergency room with a skull fracture, was the beat-down really as potentially life threatening as Avery claims it was?
I really don’t know. But I’m thinking that standing up an army of a million-plus gun-toting Nosy Nellies will not end well.
Luke, Chapter 10, 33-34 (Ammosexual Edition):
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He
went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of himpulled out his Glock and threatened to splatter that motherfucking stranger’s brains all over the PetSmart sidewalk if he didn’t desist from beating the shit out of that other motherfucking stranger, for violence is wrong.
Yes, intervene in a dangerous fight — take five steps to the door of the store and call for help. Bounce chew toys off the combatants. Sprinkle fish food on them. Threaten to run into the assailant with a shopping cart. But escalating the situation with a gun? Not around my kids or pets, fuckface.