I just love this. I know they have guns and could potentially hurt someone, but the comic genius of this is at a Pythonesque level:
“Other than that, what have the Romans done for us?”
The only thing missing is Sarah Palin and an accidental discharge before they turn into a Reservoir Dogs like circle of death. Thank FSM these morons are out in the middle of the desert where the only thing they can hurt is themselves, their reputations, and free-loading Cliven Bundy’s cattle.
jonas
Splitter!!!
danielx
Great minds think alike, although I’m getting some hints of Blazing Saddle and The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean as well. But yeah, Monty Python set in the west pretty much covers it.
srv
I googled chicks with headdresses and am enjoying Cher’s Half Breed tonite.
What’s up with GoT’s having an Oath Keeper episode?
Richard C.
I’m thinking “Bunkerville: The Musical” is in the works by now.
NotMax
Suppose that could technically be true, if someone or other made him a gift of ammunition but I suspect you meant to say freeloading, without a hyphen.
srv
Bunkerville: Nevada or Somalia?
Ash Can
@Richard C.: “The hiiiiills are alive, with the sound of guuuunfire…”
Hill Dweller
Colbert is a genius. That is all.
gbear
@Ash Can: Well I’ve been to the desert for a cow with no grain…
Suffern ACE
Well I guess they can’t charge them with conspiracy if they continue to broadcast on social media.
jl
I that sitrep confab shows double dog sit ‘ware on the low down and WARRIORS with CODES!
Very tactical.
I am impressed.
Wolverines, also too.
? Martin
The foundation of conservatism is nothing more than fantasies of rugged individualism wrapped around fantasies of persecution.
jl
@Suffern ACE: I think they can charge them with conspiracy, just not claim it is secret.
Suppose a few of my genius buds and I thought up a brilliant white collar crime, and put your plans on some crowd sourcing website to raise the seed capital. It wasn’t secret, but it is still a conspiracy.
slag
I can’t finish it. Please tell me they closed the meeting with, “Wolverines!”.
mdblanche
I’m confused. Are they angry at the Judean People’s Front of the People’s Front of Judea?
Omnes Omnibus
@Suffern ACE: Why not?
ETA: Conspiracy doesn’t require secrecy; it requires only an agreement between two or more persons to commit a crime at some time in the future.
PhoenixRising
@jl: Yeah, Ben Franklin did some conspiring on Philadelphia lampposts with his handbills. It wasn’t a secret, his treasonous plan. So I’m pretty sure it’s still a conspiracy even though they’re doing it on an open channel.
@whoever owes me a keyboard: I too have been to the desert for a cow with no grain, but I was there to deliver water, at least…
Anya
My wingnut is rusty, can someone translate?
Comrade Nimrod Humperdink
The Oathkeepers are clearly infiltrated by COINTELPRO, and I’m relieved that they were able to recover from this treachery with their resolve intact.
PhoenixRising
Bunkerville, NV is north of Kingman.
One time, in June, we stopped for cold drinks and a restroom in Kingman. At 10pm. The dog, who was about 8 months old and had never been to Nana’s house in CA before, was generally a pretty easygoing type of golden retriever (but I repeat myself). She put one front paw down on the parking lot, blacktop–then lifted it up and looked at the pads on her paw. Tried the other front paw, then got back into her crate.
Caption: “…dude. I’m not walking on fucking LAVA! I can hold it until Barstow.” The pavement was too hot to step on, and it had been dark for 2 hours.
Point being, this self-styled insurrection is going to be self-limiting once these idiots find out exactly how little the desert gives a fuck about their ideals. The smart federales are waiting patiently, because Mother Nature is going to bat last here.
Joseph Nobles
Where the heck is Sarah Palin? This freak show seems right up her alley. This IS her freak show. Get to the chopper, Sarah.
Quaker in a Basement
That one little clown keeps talking about “the battlefield.”
Did something happen that we didn’t hear about?
Howard Beale IV
We need to dox who these eejets are and make sure they are identified and forever mocked and shamed for supporting a thief.
‘Escorted’? Lame. You got the weapons, fucking use them, you limp-wristed pantywaisted dick-slamming on the table pussies. Stand yer ground, y’know? Oh, wait….they have no ground to stand, it’s all the Feds.
Gaah. With twits like these, it’s no wonder why we’re fucked as a nation.
maya
Well, ya know, if you’re gonna have a revolution you need a Battle of Bunkerville to get ‘er stoked.
PhoenixRising
@Joseph Nobles: Pretty sure the fast way there from Scottsdale, her new home, is aboard a black Escalade with 90% tint on the windows and chrome rims. But she’s not going to break a nail with these clowns…they’re broke.
Jay in Oregon
@Quaker in a Basement:
No, they’re calling their little standoff a “battlefield” because this is the War For Our Freedumbs that they’ve been fapping about for years, maybe decades now.
maya
@Quaker in a Basement: The “battlefield” is between their ears.
Jennifer
Best part: “This was deliberate provocateurism….I’m not saying I know that for a fact, but it definitely in my experience shows itself to be true.”
Yeah, because Winnie the Pooh there is really Liam Neeson from Taken in disguise, and he’s got loads of “experience” dealing with cloak and dagger stuff.
RandomMonster
Are these idiots still stopping people driving down the road to ask for proof that they’re “residents”? The law should come down heavy on these assholes for that reason alone.
Not Adding Much to the Community
@PhoenixRising: Kingman? I lived in Kingman for a few years. That shit is mild compared to how hot it gets here in Vegas, not to mention the shadeless stretch of Mojave desert that is Bunkerville and surrounding environs. It’ll be down to the hard core by the end of June.
Aleta
They love freedom so much that they’ll shoot anyone who tries to leave in the back.
? Martin
@Howard Beale IV:
That’s my attitude as well. If you’re humping an AR-15 around to stand up to tyranny, and you call every fucking thing tyranny, why the hell aren’t you shooting more people and blowing shit up. Either grow a pair or stop calling the mailman the ambassador of fascism.
Suffern ACE
@Comrade Nimrod Humperdink: the oathkeepers are the ones with jobs who have now burned up all their flextime for the year and are tired of calling the boss every morning pretending they still have that cold. They need to get home.
Comrade Nimrod Humperdink
@Suffern ACE: Chickenshits. Families and jobs are excuses. Those among the truly committed have neither, because revolution is a full-time job! (Oh, first of the month is here, where’s mah check?)
Omnes Omnibus
@Suffern ACE: Or their wives may have called and told them to get home and mow the damned lawn.
opiejeanne
@PhoenixRising: Does she have spinners?
Dexter's new approach
The old dumbshits trying to talk smart is awesome. They are all organized and vote as they wheeze and cough. But I have to give them credit, they left their Fox TV world to play fantasy camp.
Good for you… good for you.
opiejeanne
@Not Adding Much to the Community: I have been in Vegas in June and the high was 120F, and the low was 100F. Anything over 105F is too damned hot.
cbear
I was watching old movies the other night and think I may have stumbled upon a cunning plan to lure them out of the Bundy compound and into a BLM trap.
Omnes Omnibus
@Dexter’s new approach: Fantasy camp is dead on.
David Koch
Do none of these people have a job?
Are they all living off an evil government check?
I love how the woman with Suzanne Pleshette’s old voice rambles on about Dronez
Comrade Nimrod Humperdink
@cbear: Now all I want to do is donate some distilled water with flouride in it to the cause.
taras
are you sure this ain’t a prequel to this year’s burning man sequel? Maybe some sort of performing artist troupe that has infiltrated the ranch. I really find it hard to believe these people are actual oath keepers.
Dexter's new approach
@opiejeanne:
agreed. the 114F I experienced in Vegas was way worse than the 102 with humidity in the Midwest. It comes with a brutal sun too. It feels life-threatening.
Joseph Nobles
@PhoenixRising: There is that.
Suffern ACE
What’s odd to me is that they haven’t grown in numbers. Also, aren’t the oathkeepers the ones who recruit cops and military men? I would have thought they’d be more organized.
amk
what a buncha nucking futz.
craigie
@? Martin:
Genius.
RandomMonster
@craigie: I second that. That line cracked me up.
Higgs Boson's Mate
I camp in California deserts where summertime temps can hit 117F. I’ve been doing it for more than thirty years. You have to have the proper gear, stay in the shade during the hottest hours, and drink about a gallon of water per day. Temps in Bunkerville are running from the high eighties to 100F right now. If those yahoos aren’t experienced desert campers they will soon be suffering from dehydration – not that I’d mind that.
Crouchback
@Suffern ACE: Remember in the Army as in everywhere else someone’s in the bottom 10%. And the competent Army vets would probably have bailed out after “We’re camping where?” As for cops bear in mind law enforcement is very decentralized with varying standards. Some places like to see a college degree, others no felony convictions.
SatanicPanic
So wait, they’re angry cause some dudes split to go stay in hotel? George Washington didn’t stay in any hotels!
Haha these guys are clowns.
EDIT- OMG having Occupy flashbacks.
Citizen_X
I hate Nevada Nazis.
SatanicPanic
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: Why would you do that? I do tons of desert camping- always between November and March. I camped at the slabs once at the end of April and that was barely tolerable. Course, I grew up in the desert, so maybe I’m just over it.
Buffalo Rude
I wanted to make fun of the meeting leader’s ringtone, but it pales in comparison to the whole ridiculousness of it all. So Ima just chuckle and make some popcorn.
srv
Higgs Boson's Mate
@SatanicPanic:
Oh, it’s a tough gig alright. I do it for the peace and quiet, the incredible starry nights, and to prove that I still can.I’m 66 now and I haven’t gotten fat, I can still hike ten miles with a full pack and I haven’t become a Republican. Why mess with what works?
srv
? Martin
@srv:
And people wonder why lawyers have the reputation they do.
Right there.
FYWP
SatanicPanic
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: Don’t get me wrong, I love the desert. Spend a lot of time out there. I’ve never tried backpacking there- I think the couple of times I got heat exhaustion has made me too scared to venture far from a water source, at least in the desert.
Villago Delenda Est
Excuse me? These guys are taking votes on a battlefield? WTF?
The organization chart for these clowns looks like an ink blot.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@SatanicPanic:
Understood. It isn’t for everyone. Humping the gear and the absolutely necessary water has to be done early in the morning. I’m also careful to sign in and to let people know exactly where I’m headed as well as when I should be back in contact.
mai naem
We’re laughing about this but I’m a little concerned about the sheriff out there. If crap happens the closest hospital is in Mesquite and it’s one of those dinky rural hospitals. Vegas is about 2 hrs away. I couldn’t care less about these fools -except for the fact that they’ll be martyrs and idiots like Tim MvVeigh will want to commemorate the event. It’s the law enforcement people who’ll end up being collateral damage.
Tommy
@SatanicPanic: Well it is a desert. I have this slew of pics as you walk into my office, of me in in a dessert. A far oftf placed I camped. Hiked into. Don’t get me wrong, but I will always go for you. Will never let you die. We walk in I will walk out with you.
GregB
It’s so nice to see grown men playing dress-up and war. Brings me back to the late 60’s when I used to play with my neighbors GI Joe doll. “Pew, pew, pew….incoooooming!”
What a pack of unadulterated stooges.
I’m glad these dildos weren’t around for WWII. The Nazis would have walked into London while these maroons were arguing about who are the real splitters and uniform designs.
? Martin
@mai naem: The sheriff would be Clark Co. who is also the head of the Las Vegas PD. He’s got 2700 officers at his disposal. He’s not some cowboy. He’s not going to deal with this without a pile of feds at his side.
KG
@mai naem: I’m sure if something were to happen they’d have medivac helicopters at the ready
? Martin
@GregB:
They were. About 50,000 US troops deserted during the war.
opiejeanne
@Dexter’s new approach: When you step outside and it’s that hot, your skin hurts. I have trouble with high humidity starting at about 85F, but there’s almost none in Vegas most of the time and it can be unbearable.
opiejeanne
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: We lived in Riverside, CA for 23 years. It gets really hot there in the summer, hitting 115 for at least a week every year, but that’s a city with trees and parks and lawns.
There was always some idiot who was found dead or dying in the desert not far from a major highway and not very far out of town. .
opiejeanne
@srv: Frank McCourt is happy to no longer be the most hated franchise owner in Los Angeles.
opiejeanne
@? Martin: My dad told me about them jumping off the troop ship in the harbor, as he was heading to England during WWII.
max
@maya: The “battlefield” is between their ears.
Where they were routed and taken prisoner some decades ago.
@Suffern ACE: Also, aren’t the oathkeepers the ones who recruit cops and military men? I would have thought they’d be more organized.
The oathkeepers WERE more organized – they were organized enough to realize this was a stupid idea and they packed up and left.
These are the guys who aren’t organized enough to withdraw.
(Old school Revolutionary war militias were somewhat like this, as were the Jacksonian era militias…and come to think of it, militias in Texas during the Revolution, and in the Confederacy. Which is one reason why the US quit relying on militias and started relaying on Guardsmen.)
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: Understood. It isn’t for everyone. Humping the gear and the absolutely necessary water has to be done early in the morning. I’m also careful to sign in and to let people know exactly where I’m headed as well as when I should be back in contact.
Shit man, if I had to hump it across the desert, I’d do all my heavy hiking at night.
max
[‘Sleep in the shade.’]
karl
@opiejeanne: Actually (someone is wrong on the internet — must reply), the official Vegas high was 117 and the highest low was 88. But I get where you’re coming from… it’s hot out there.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@opiejeanne:
.
Not surprising. A lot of people don’t understand how quickly we can be debilitated by heat and dehydration. When I do this kind of camping I do so with very careful preparation (Including a checklist for the gear, food and water) as well as understanding of what I can and cannot do.
jc
“You never allow a [Real American] man to fall into the hands of the enemy.”
The Feds are the “enemy” now? The Feds who are timidly trying to enforce the law? These dudes have been watching too much war porn. They get off on stroking their guns and fantasizing Hamburger Hill scenarios.
Cletus Bundy’s Bunkerville Showdown.
Higgs Boson's Mate
@max:
That would be nice. Even though I have a wonderful LED “headlight” I still prefer to set out and setup at sunrise; even something as minor as a sprained ankle can get you killed out there.
scav
@jc: My take?
“You never allow a [Real American] man to fall into the hands of the enemy.”
That shows some deep level tactical thinking. Right up there with “Never Retreat.”
Or, is that spelled magical? I’m so bad with the SitRep Decoder Ring jargon.
seaboogie
@SatanicPanic: They are playing “fort”, like we fortunate children that didn’t live in cities did when we were about 11 years old. Same game, same mental abilities, but they have real guns and ammo this time. And they have no idea how utterly ridiculous they are. It’s one thing when your are eleven….
Temporarily Max McGee (soon enough to be Andy K again)
David Niewert may have identified the next Cliven Bundy:
Tommy
@ Martin:rel=”nofollow”>My dad, my dad is a stud. I recall he tried to go to Vietnam. But the Army would not take him, cause he broke two legs in military high school.
Joey Maloney
@taras: Haven’t you heard about BundyFest?
Just One More Canuck
It’s not the heat it’s the stupidity
Lurking Canadian
@Higgs Boson’s Mate: so what you’re saying is that General Thirst and Marshall Summer will defeat the Grand Larceny?
skwerlhugger
“The only thing missing is Sarah Palin and an accidental discharge”
Was this necessary?
Applejinx
I bet the young dude in black is the Fed :)
Breth
I’m sure if Sarah Palin were to hang out at Bunkerville more than one if those boys would experience “accidental discharges”.
BretH
@Applejinx: Not to worry, the Oath Keepers are all over that one :)
“A typical FBI psy-op would plant “leaders” in every militia they could infiltrate. What those sorts of FBI agents or surrogates do is always “handled”. Some of the purported “leaders” of the militia at the ranch are doing exactly what any agent provocateur would do after having infiltrated the militia and claimed a role in leadership. Did you notice the massive ego about who is going to command who? Did you notice the drama in the tendency to speak of Oath Keepers as if we were a militia, which we are not. These militia “leaders” would judge us by battlefield standards even though there has not been a “battlefield” since April 12, 2014? They would shoot us for desertion? Really? That is amazing, and is the kind of bumbling consciousness which a conditioned and programmed special warfare officer or a federal agent would offer if he had to think on his feet of a sudden.”
http://oathkeepers.org/oath/2014/04/29/bundy-ranch-advisory-for-april-29-2014/
BretH
Someone at Oath Keepers has been into some stale acid or something:
“That, fortunately, turned out to be “dis-info” – a false rumor. And though it came from a trusted source, Oath Keepers could neither prove nor disprove it. Oath Keepers is thankful that the rumor was false and no one got hurt. Oath Keepers also is aware that the source of that rumor requires debriefing, which would hopefully lead to the author of that operation. It was a directed attack on Oath Keepers to do several things including gaging our comms depth, our speed in Intel, and study how we responded. The project’s cheerleaders were already implanted in the militias operating on-site at the ranch, so that when Oath Keepers responded to the rumor new forces would be ready to pounce on Oath Keepers.”
BretH
Someone at Oath Keepers has been into some stale acid or something:
“That, fortunately, turned out to be “dis-info” – a false rumor. And though it came from a trusted source, Oath Keepers could neither prove nor disprove it. Oath Keepers is thankful that the rumor was false and no one got hurt. Oath Keepers also is aware that the source of that rumor requires debriefing, which would hopefully lead to the author of that operation. It was a directed attack on Oath Keepers to do several things including gaging our comms depth, our speed in Intel, and study how we responded. The project’s cheerleaders were already implanted in the militias operating on-site at the ranch, so that when Oath Keepers responded to the rumor new forces would be ready to pounce on Oath Keepers.”
BretH
More Comedy Gold as Oath Keepers respond:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HkSAewoESg
bjacques
The monsters are due on Bundy Ranch.
Emma
@bjacques: Hello, mind-twin!
mack
@mai naem: I would think if they are that close to Mesquite, they are also very close to St. George, which has better care available.
TriassicSands
@Quaker in a Basement:
The “battlefield” is confined to the real estate between his ears. It’s a barren landscape and an environment hostile to the formation of coherent thoughts and rational plans. Given that the synapses are constantly misfiring and causing non-stop petit mal seizures, he’s liking to seem like he just keeps repeating the same nonsense over and over.
The Ancient Randonneur
You know they are only about 150 miles from Area 51. Sure hope no one gets abducted by the Aliens that transported Obama here from Mars. Or, was that the CIA that set that whole thing up?
Billy K.
They really need to adapt this into a sitcom. It could be this generation’s M*A*S*H*.
bjacques
@Emma: It’s just too easy!
Speaking of Area 51, why is it always the probey space aliens that go to the US?
Phantom 309
@bjacques: Nice reference!
Fred
I made it to the guy demanding an apology so he wouldn’t keep blastin’ him (sumbudy) on facebook. Oh the humanity! At that point I just couldn’t take it anymore. I know it’s desertin’ under fire an’ all but I’m just not man enough fer this kinda war. I’m so ashamed.
Gawd what a buncha jackholes. Can I have a vote on that? Show of hands out there to agree they are a buncha jackholes?
AndoChronic
I think it’s smart of the US government to sit tight like they’re doing without really harassing them too much. Let these America haters continue their geriatric Boy Scout camp and let them take themselves down, just a matter of time. No drone strikes needed!
Epicurus
“…Kingman, Barstow, San Bernandino.
Won’t you get hip to this timely tip:
When you make that California trip
Get your kicks on Route Sixty-Six.”
I guess you have to heavily armed to travel there now. I’ll pass.
Gretchen
@Just One More Canuck: good one.
Kitt Lenington
The reference to ‘the enemy’ is who – us?
Paul in KY
The idiot in the black shirt (great choice for that climate, BTW) was stupid & uninformed when talking about ‘you never leave your fallen on battlefield, etc.’.
If your officer tells you to retreat & you can’t get to your guys, you leave them. War is Hell.
MitchBentley
This one time, in Bundy Camp…