An Elegant Solution

Maybe just wait them out and let them take care of each other:

The armed anti-government play-warriors who built a military force around a racist redneck rancher in Nevada have split into rival factions and are now at the brink of civil war, calling each other crazies and traitors and spreading rumors that Eric Holder planned a drone strike on them.

For nearly a month, organized groups of militiamen as well as gun-toting “independents” have descended on Bunkerville, Nevada, ostensibly to protect Cliven Bundy, the curmudgeon cattleman who grazed his cattle on federal land, owed feds more than a million in fees, and famously shared his opinions on “Negroes” with America.

The feds gave Bundy his cows back and avoided an armed confrontation, but freemen in search of a hot discharge of their firearm loads remain encamped around his land, occasionally setting up checkpoints to intimidate local drivers in the name of freedom.

In this Waco-wacko Woodstock of woolly-bully mountain men, the irony and the insanity spiked last weekend when leaders of the most prominent militia group, the Oath Keepers, began complaining of armed madmen “in the camp running amok.” They eventually pulled back from their positions, claiming they had received intelligence suggesting that the Obama administration’s attack drones were incoming.

That “redeployment” pissed off other armed patriots who stayed behind in Nevada, who now call the Oath Keepers and their prominent leader, Stewart Rhodes, cowards and traitors who might actually be working for the U.S. government. “They committed a deliberate act of desertion,” Blaine Cooper—a de facto leader of the remaining militiamen—said in his own video, embedded at the top of this post.

Just get all the civilians out and let these armed bands of lunatics gun each other down. Then let the NRA and Rand Paul and Heller explain how this is Freedom at work.

55 replies
  1. 1
    JDM says:

    “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

    And the example these bozos are providing is evidence that the second amendment does not apply to the likes of them.

  2. 2
    aimai says:

    But don’t you just know they are going to sue the Federal Government and the local police for not keeping them safe from one another. If ever I doubted that Obama had the poker face to troll this entire country for eight years I’ve stopped believing that. Pulling the BLM out of this mess was the most brilliant piece of brer rabbit level trolling since b’rer rabbit himself.

  3. 3
    beltane says:

    This is what Galt’s Gulch is really like. Glibertarians like Megan McArdle would last about ten minutes among these people before being purged as latte drinking scum.

  4. 4
    Mister Harvest says:

    Just fly one cheap quadrocopter around there for a few minutes, and wait until the sounds of shooting stop.

  5. 5
    Suffern ACE says:

    Yeah. This is what happens when you try to go to battle without consulting the Oracle about which sacrifice was demanded by which god.

  6. 6
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    The well regulated militia was used to crush insurrections like Cliven Bundy’s in the late 18th century.

  7. 7
    beltane says:

    OT, but since one of the tags contains the word “stupidity” I guess it sort of fits. George W. Bush just said in an interview “I hope Jeb runs.” Be prepared to see this video playing on an endless loop.

  8. 8
    mai naem mobile says:

    Do a drone with tear gas. Make ’em cry!

  9. 9
    satby says:

    I know it’s bad of me, but I’ve been rooting for injuries to that bunch since this started.
    And has anyone seen Fiore’s latest animated cartoon?

  10. 10
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:


    From your link:

    The same survey showed that seven in 10 Americans said that they’d like to see presidential candidates without the last name Bush or Clinton.

    Here, here!

  11. 11
    JMG says:

    Who will be the first of these people to call the cops for help when the bullets start flying?

  12. 12
    Fuzzy says:

    Just spread a rumor that Cooper is going to kill Rhodes and watch the bullets fly. The sheriff’s office suffers a mysterious radio failure. Are the buzzards circling? Film at 11.

  13. 13
    MomSense says:

    Which ones are the good guys with guns and which are the bad guys with guns?

  14. 14
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    Just wondering why Brian Sandoval, the governor of Nevada has failed to act when he has armed insurrectionists accosting his citizens. Oh, wait; he’s a Republican.

  15. 15
    dmsilev says:

    @Mister Harvest: Make sure to paint the copter black first.

  16. 16
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @MomSense: Well, the good guys are with me. The bad guys are not with me.

    Isn’t that simple?

  17. 17
    SatanicPanic says:

    I often bring this up with anarchists- if you’re so set on upending society and creating something brand new, wouldn’t it be worth your while to create some smaller version of your proposed society that is at least appears desirable. It looks like these guys need the same advice.

  18. 18
    DougJ says:


    h/t gbear

  19. 19
    Liquid says:

    I was at Home Depot today. As I was leaving I saw an F-150 with Flags/Ribbons/Army Ranger and an “I Miss Reagan” sticker. I suppose, were he a marine, he might feel differently.

  20. 20
    dmsilev says:


    No, seriously, wolverines. There must be a local zoo that has a few that the Feds can borrow and let run through the camp at night.

  21. 21
    JMG says:

    I laughed at this, too, in an earlier comment, but if I lived in the area (few do), I wouldn’t be even smiling. I’d be at the Governor’s office saying he’d better do something. These are the kind of morons who’d think taking hostages would solve their legal problems.

  22. 22
    JPL says:

    @Liquid: Either he wasn’t old enough to remember or he is old enough to have dementia.

  23. 23
    dmsilev says:

    In all seriousness, was that report of these nuts setting up “checkpoints” on local roads ever substantiated?

  24. 24
    Pogonip says:

    I may set up a popcorn stand at a safe distance.

    I do seriously think it’s time to arrest these nuts before a bystander is hurt.

  25. 25
    gbear says:

    What I want to see is the local residence set up their own checkpoints at grocery stores and gas stations and refuse to sell to anyone who’s not a local. Pull the same shit on them that they’re pulling on the locals, throw their exact arguments back into their faces, and see how many of them are willing to go armed robbery on the local businesses.

  26. 26
    Amir Khalid says:

    It’s all very well, I suppose, to stand back and let these uncivilised fools descend into a red mist and intramural massacre, while you get the popcorn ready. But surely you all know, the job’s not done until someone figures out just how the right is going to argue that it’s all Obama’s fault.

  27. 27
    muddy says:

    @Liquid: Every time someone says Benghazi to me, I say Beirut.

  28. 28
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    @mai naem mobile: Why waste money on tear gas? You could load it up with root beer and they’d still start crying.

  29. 29
    Baud says:

    Truly, the cows are the most intelligent creatures on that ranch.

  30. 30
    gbear says:

    @DougJ: Wow. That one goes back years!

  31. 31
    beltane says:

    @Quaker in a Basement: If you really want to make them sad, spray them with some of this:

  32. 32
    raven says:

    @Amir Khalid: I watched Indian Runner. Not a happy film but it sure rang true.

  33. 33
    Randy P says:

    @dmsilev: One of these nuts actually did mention wolverines.

    Ah, here we go. Mike Vanderboegh, founder of something called the Three Percenters.

    “All over this country, we are still staring civil war in its bloody face,” Vanderboegh is caught saying on camera.

    “Don’t poke the wolverine with a sharp stick, Harry [Reid],” Vanderboegh added. “Unless you want your balls ripped off.”

  34. 34
    CaseyL says:

    The Feds backing off was a smart move: with no external opponent right there to target, all that demented anger has to go somewhere.

    I hope things get worse. (How hot is it out there? Extreme heat will hopefully make things get worse right quick.)

    I will do a little dance of joy if they turn on each other and start shooting.

  35. 35
    Jay S says:

    @CaseyL: Bunkerville, NV is in the mid 80’s with extreme fire danger. They might have as much risk from a campfire as from live rounds. I doubt the fire suppression crews will be willing to respond unless the armed crazies stand down.

  36. 36
    yam says:

    Slingshot a lit M80 in there at night and then stand back. Or set up a popcorn machine within earshot. Either one should get the party started…

  37. 37
    Scotius says:

    “All of them, Katie”

  38. 38
    amk says:

    Just get all the civilians out and air-drop sean klannitty in there.

    A two-fer.

  39. 39
    sm*t cl*de says:

    The survivors will eat only rats.

  40. 40
    Burt Hutt says:

    @MomSense: As Wayne LaPierre said, “…a bad guy with a gun is a good guy…”

    He might have said something about the only way to stop one or the other but those are just extraneous words like “well regulated militia”.

  41. 41
    jl says:

    If the Oath-keeper leader actually used the phrase ‘attack drones were incoming’ then they are the real competent sane deal and should be in charge, since ‘incoming’ is about as damn tactical as tactical talk can be. Dad gummit.

  42. 42
    Fluke bucket says:

    @gbear: no shit! And I remember it like it was yesterday. I cannot believe it was that long ago.

  43. 43
    Long Tooth says:

    In [the great] Carl Reiner movie The Russians Are Coming, a voice in a turbulent crowd shouts out to the local American Legion big shot [the great Paul Ford], “You lead us, Kendall! You’ve got the sword”.

    That comedy was also [the great] Alan Arkin’s big break in films. It seems the entire cast had a good time making the movie, too, because it is a sweet and really funny film (circa 1964).

  44. 44
    Pogonip says:

    @muddy: You say tomayto, I say tomahto…

  45. 45
    Pogonip says:

    @yam: I could equip my popcorn stand with amplifiers and have a firework stand next to it.

  46. 46
    dr. bloor says:

    @Jay S: @Jay S: I wonder what old Cliven will have to say after a careless toy soldier turns his herd into barbecue.

  47. 47
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    @dr. bloor: Pass the sauce?

  48. 48
    StringOnAStick says:

    Your typical Nevada summer will solve this whole mess; it gets mind-fryingly hot there and shade is a rare, rare thing in the desert. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch.

  49. 49
    Bitter Scribe says:

    Is it wrong to wonder what would happen if someone snuck close to the Bundy Militia in the dead of night and planted a string of firecrackers and a small but powerful sound system, set to go off remotely? With the sound system barking, “This is the federal government, and we’re coming to get your guns!” just before the firecrackers go off?

  50. 50
    MomSense says:


    I hope they remembered to pack enough sunscreen.

  51. 51
    Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    Oh God – I’d love to see the Feds salting their wounds by sending invoices to these idiots for camping on Federal land…

  52. 52
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    One of the most deranged wingnuts I know is an Oath Keeper. He’s quite the special one. Just today, he posted this:

    imagine yourself being part of the opposition party on Capital Hill where your opponents just lie to your face. You know they’re lying; they know you know they’re lying, and they do it anyway. How do you get anything of substance done in that atmosphere?

    Bear in mind that he’s not talking about the Bush administration, which he mindlessly backed for 8 years. No, he’s talking about BENGHAZIIIIIII!!!!!!

  53. 53
    rk says:

    Listened to the first 3 minutes of this oathkeepers video. According to them a woman and her elderly companion did not feel safe at the camp and there were “nut jobs” and crazy people running around the camp. “Ticking time bomb” is the word used. Who’d have thought that a militia camped out in an imaginary battle field in the desert would consist of crazy people? I’m shocked!

  54. 54
    Phantom 309 says:

    @Bubblegum Tate: Isn’t it amazing how they get a hard-on over a place they couldn’t even find on a map? Even if it was circled.

  55. 55
    C.S. says:

    I know it’s gawker’s formulation, but this . . .

    other armed patriots . . . now call the Oath Keepers and their prominent leader, Stewart Rhodes, cowards and traitors who might actually be working for the U.S. government


    Just blows me away, primarily because I know they would agree with the terminology. They’re patriots, and traitors work for the U.S. government.

    I just . . . no words.

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