You’re Not Fooling Anyone, Bro

Here is Steve “hunting”:


This method of hunting is about as effective as the Republican minority outreach.

73 replies
  1. 1
    Violet says:

    That bird feeder is so close to the fence. You don’t have a problem with squirrels?

  2. 2
  3. 3
    Diana says:

    hunts like my cat, who is a Maine Coon half-breed (although, to be fair, my cat is an adult rescue who presumably suffered a Deprived Kittenhood and, since I’ve had him for over fifteen years, must be seventeen at least) who just slept through a mouse sighting.

    However, after I woke my cat up by picking him up and putting him down in the general vicinity of the last identified sighting of the mouse, he did sniff around a bit.

    And the mouse hasn’t been heard of or seen since. So there’s that.

  4. 4
    MomSense says:


    At least not while there is a 22lb Maine Coon cat standing watch-the squirrels don’t know he isn’t a fierce hunter.

  5. 5
    dedc79 says:

    cats kill over a billion birds a year, so some of them must be better at it than Steve.

  6. 6
    Heliopause says:

    You’d be surprised. I have a cat who in his younger days could jump about that high. If he’s quick he can also use that fence to his advantage, and don’t forget about the ground-feeding birds underneath. I’ve rescued so many live birds out of cat’s mouths (and disposed of the dearly departed ones) over the years that I wouldn’t put anything past a determined cat.

  7. 7
    Violet says:

    @MomSense: The pups and Steve don’t have full time access to the yard, do they? If not, seems like the squirrels would just bide their time.

  8. 8
    Poopyman says:

    You mean “NOT fooling anyone?”

  9. 9
    Pogonip says:

    At least he’s awake.

    I guess. Hard to tell if a giant ball of fur is awake or asleep. Are you going to furminate him?

  10. 10
    Pogonip says:

    @jeffreyw: “Well, no mail again today!”

  11. 11
    Chris says:

    Republican minority outreach isn’t supposed to be “effective” at bringing minorities into the fold. It’s supposed to allow them to go on Fox crying “see? We TRIED! But those darned minorities are just so SENSITIVE and UNREASONABLE that when we offered them the hand of friendship, they spat in our face!” Thus whipping up their base into an even bigger frenzy at the Unreasonable, Uppity Minorities, and giving them cover with white centrist “Even The Liberal” types to whom they can say “see? We’re NOT racist.”

    Hopefully, Steve’s approach to hunting isn’t quite so douchebaggy.

  12. 12
    Schlemizel says:

    Our tubby, ah, er tabby, loves to jump after the little feathered toy we have. She can get at least 5 feet despite not being in good shape.

    I don’t allow our cats out alone just to keep them from killing unnecessarily.

  13. 13
    Pogonip says:

    Is anyone coloring eggs with kids or grand kids?

    My father says I’m too old for egg coloring. I disagree. I’m only 54.

    I still get my kid (34) a chocolate bunny. He’s not much for chocolate but does complete the time-honored ritual of Eating The Ears.

  14. 14
    raven says:

    We have a couple of swabbies here, does this sound right:

    “It’s also very common to have engine failures, explosions, those kinds of things on the ship, particularly in the engine room. And it would have sounded like some kind of a boom or an impact sound. But that probably alone wouldn’t account for the sinking this quickly. It probably was something else that happened.”

  15. 15
    Pogonip says:

    @raven: It’s COMMON to have EXPLOSIONS on a ship?

    You’ll never get me on a dern cruise!

  16. 16
    srv says:

    @dedc79: John’s cats just use their gravitational mass to attract the birds.

  17. 17
    raven says:

    @Pogonip: whew

  18. 18
    Poopyman says:

    @raven: Only if it’s a Carnival Cruise.

  19. 19
    Elizabelle says:

    Steve looks bigger in this pic than he did in last night’s from the sofa (with remote).

  20. 20
    MomSense says:


    I’m just teasing.

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Violet says:

    @MomSense: In some thread recently people were talking about keeping squirrels off feeders. Plenty of discussion of baffles and other techniques. And distance from trees and fences was key. I’m just surprised the birds have anything to eat on that feeder.

  23. 23
  24. 24
    beltane says:

    He’s not going to hunt anything with you watching him like that

  25. 25
    muddy says:

    Here’s my Diarmuid being even more obvious last summer.

  26. 26
    Biscuits says:

    Steve should have another feline friend. Two dogs, two people…needs more kitteh.

  27. 27
    Zifnab says:

    Be vewy vewy quiet…

  28. 28
    KG says:

    @MikeJ: they are predators and carnivores, why does it shock people that cats (or dogs) will kill other animals when left to their own devices? Do people think the sharp teeth and claws are for looks?

  29. 29
    NotMax says:

    The sound of birds laughing uproariously must be very cheerful.

  30. 30
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    Our bird feeder was being staked out from the shrubbery by neighborhood cats so we relocated it to a clear area. It looks like the one on Cole’s pic, on a shepherd’s crook. To eliminate spillage and mess on the ground we placed it over a dry bird bath. We put out thistle seed, which attracts a lot of goldfinches. The dropped seed is hoovered up out of the bird bath by mourning doves.
    Took us 13 years and a mouse population explosion to get to this point.

  31. 31
    khead says:

    Keep the Steve inside, please.

  32. 32
  33. 33
    Schlemizel says:

    Well, Carnival has been know for explosions but not in the engine room.

  34. 34
    OzarkHillbilly says:

    Don’t sell Steve short. My oldest sis had a solid white cat that was as deaf as a door knob, declawed (in front), on a tether and wearing a tinker bell. That cat killed more birds than any cat my mother had ever seen. Ma gave up after the 6th or 7th.

    Also, I suppose I should mention that Sydney had many other talents as well. Including the ability to call Sydney. Australia.

  35. 35
  36. 36

    I have finally convinced my DH to allow the dogs into the bedroom when he leaves for work in the morning because I am exhausted. Right now the dogs are banned from the bedroom cause Flossie has a habit of stealing stuff (slippers, shoes, you name it) and taking them into the back yard. Problem is DH’s alarm goes off at 4am and as soon as Flossie knows a human is awake she starts scratching at the bedroom door to be let in. When DH leaves at 4:30 I can generally go back to sleep until about 6:15 which is when I normally wake up. With the bedroom banning thing Flossie scratches at the door every five damn minutes which means I never go back to sleep, and I am getting delusional having to wake at 4am every morning. Occasionally Flossie will manage to scratch the door open and all that happens is that she and Skeeter jump up on the bed and go to sleep, giving me that precious extra two hours of sleep. It would appear to me that letting Flossie, Skeeter and me sleep two extra hours every night is a good trade off.

  37. 37
    WaterGirl says:

    @Schlemizel: ha ha ha


  38. 38
    Constance says:

    Years ago I had a cat who would sit under bird-filled bushes, alert and tail twitching, possibly on the theory that if he waited long enough a bird would fall into his mouth.

  39. 39
    Bill says:

    I think Steve is cunningly camouflaged as an overweight owl. So, I ask you, what bird wouldn’t fall for that get-up?

    Bon appétit Steve!

  40. 40
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    The best mouser/birder I ever met was a relative’s Norwegian Forest Cat. A big bruiser. There were 4 cats in the house and the NFC caught 100% of the mice. Usually before the more domesticated cats even knew they existed. For a chunky indoor feline he was incredibly quick and nimble in pursuit of rodents.

  41. 41
    rikyrah says:

    well, I don’t have any pets, so I didn’t know that was a bird feeder until I read it in the comments..upon reading that..


    it’s sort of hilarious.

    he’s not playing. he wants what he wants, and if the birds are dumb enough to stop at THAT feeder…well, that’s all she wrote.

  42. 42
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Poopyman: Hand to goddess, the first kittens I acquired at my first non-campus apartment, the clumsy one (Alaric) managed to fall into the bowl and his infinitely smarter comrade (Asmodeus) shut the lid on him.

    Although I can’t swear my roommate was telling the truth when she reported Asmo was trying to jiggle the flush lever…

  43. 43
    Bill says:

    @Heliopause: Heliopause, do you think jumping is in Steve’s toolbox?

  44. 44
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    Speaking of birds, an elderly relative has an African Grey parrot that will need a new home soon. I used to keep birds, but I’m not sure we’re up to taking on a 35 – 40 year old intelligent creature that is sure to have a mind of its own. My wife favors the idea but I’m mulling it over.

  45. 45
    jl says:

    Maybe Cole could get a statue of squatting toad, of similar size, to keep Steve company and provide symmetry to the gardenscape.

  46. 46
    WereBear says:

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: You probably need to read about Alex, the famous African grey.

    And think of the stories that bird might tell :)

  47. 47
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:


    I’ve known a few African Greys. They can be temperamental and don’t always adjust to a new owner. That’s why I’m hesitant. My wife has never lived with birds. I have but I spend 20 or more days/month away from home. It might be too much for her to handle.

  48. 48
    ruemara says:

    We had a little visitor today at work. Just to be safe, I snorgeld it and nommed it’s ears.

    Then, the office cat decided to lodge a complaint.

  49. 49
    coin operated says:

    My 20lb+ Maine Coon, Fredo, was MOST successful under the feeder. Birds would go to ground to get the shit they dropped. Steve and Fredo have the exact same coloration (I’ll post a pic one of these days)…and he brought home ‘presents’ almost every damn day.

  50. 50
    Eric U. says:

    we had a cat that was over 20 when he died. He was still catching birds even though he only had one eye and only 3 working legs. He had actually adopted another family the last time I saw him, we had 5 other cats and he liked his privacy.

  51. 51
    Mnemosyne says:


    So who was the overly sensitive soul who reported the poster to Facebook because the image contained “graphic violence”?

  52. 52
    Heliopause says:


    I don’t follow the pet posts here as closely as some others. He’s a Maine Coon and hefty, right? Well, I have a tortoiseshell that could still catch birds as late as last year and she’s about sixteen now. I also have a tabby who is about 20 now, no joke, and last year she dragged a bird, I presume that was already dead, into the house. I could go on with other cat and critter stories. Point being, I’ve had a few cats over the years who certainly have never wanted for food and still kill our little feathered friends for the sheer joy of it.

  53. 53
    Mnemosyne says:


    I think his complaint was, “You smell like dog!”

  54. 54
    Culture of Truth says:

    Don’t be too sure. Some cats can jump pretty high.

  55. 55
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Mnemosyne: Must have been a non-cat person who doesn’t know how cats play with each other. (That is besides not knowing anything about The Big Lebowski.)

  56. 56
    dedc79 says:

    So everyone on here seems to have stories of their cats killing birds, often just for the fun of it. And if you extend that out to the tens (hundreds) of millions of cats in the country, the billion dead birds a year quoted in the study i linked to above doesn’t seem so farfetched.

    This is an ecological catastrophe.

  57. 57
    muddy says:

    @ruemara: Yummy puppy tummy!

  58. 58
    ruemara says:

    @Mnemosyne: He lives with that dog! He loves that dog! I think it’s mostly, you’re here and you’re not petting MEEEEEEEEEEeeeee! Unfortunately, he’s too sharp clawed to pet much. The doctor will just have to cut those nails before he can approach me again. Between him and the puppy, I have claw marks on both hands from accidental scrapes.

  59. 59
    PurpleGirl says:

    @ruemara: The puppeh is cute and the cat is gorgeous. His coloration is fantastic.

  60. 60
    mainmata says:

    @MomSense: Good point, no matter what I do, our Cirque du Soleil/Hary Houdini squirrels seem to overcome any possible bird feeder prevention. But when the cat comes out they leave town – for a while. However, cats are lazy so…this proves to be a very momentary preventive measure and then it’s back to the squirrel acrobatics.

  61. 61
    mai naem says:

    When we had our cat we put one of those collars with a bell and that seemed to help her not catching birds> BTW she was pissed off when we first put the collar on her

  62. 62
    muddy says:

    @mainmata: I hang my feeders like pendants from a horizontal line. I put short sections of 1-1/2″ PVC pipe on the horizontal line. When the squirrels go to step on the pipe it spins and chucks them off. It’s delightful.

  63. 63
    jenn says:

    @dedc79: I agree – plus I”m not too fond of the cats pooping in my garden beds.

  64. 64
    TG Chicago says:

    @jeffreyw: I like the Tunchian after-market tail and the anti-Tunchian physique.

    Steve might get lucky. The birds might think there’s no way a gelatinous mass of hair could possibly be a threat.

  65. 65
    Pogonip says:

    @jeffreyw: Hee. I put that picture into rotation every Easter!

  66. 66
    Pogonip says:

    @rikyrah: Steve may believe the bird feeder is an all-you-can-catch buffet installed just for him.

  67. 67
    Pogonip says:

    @Bill: *chortle*. That should be how John’s next post starts. “While cunningly camouflaged as an overweight owl, Steve shaved my butt/stole my new car/ate my roomie/noticed that the dog I thought had been asleep for two years is actually dead, and wanted to know if he could have her toys/found the mustard.”

  68. 68
    Jackie says:

    I have a long-haired siamese/persian mix who NEVER learned to hunt. He’ll spot a bird/squirrel across the yard and basically tell bird/squirrel to stay there until he gets there – cat chattering all the way while trotting across the yard/climbing the chain-link fence towards the bird or squirrel. The birds know they can hang out for several seconds before they need to move. The squirrels just look at him until the last moment then dash up the tree and laugh at him. Sass is 13 yrs old and to my knowledge has never caught a bird, mouse, squirrel, etc. But he still hopes :) He has never scrunched himself low as possible to the ground and sneaked up on any prey. He just trots towards them expecting them to wait for him to catch them.

  69. 69
    TriassicSands says:

    This method of hunting is about as effective as the Republican minority outreach.

    John, you don’t know much about cats and hunting, do you? I walk two of my cats on leashes. One night we were out near midnight. The leash is about fifteen feet long and retractable. I had about eight feet out and there was a couple of feet of slack. It was very dark and although I had a headlamp, I was looking away. Suddenly, there was a minor commotion on the leash, I looked down, and damn, if my cat hadn’t caught himself a vole. Another time, it was late on a sunny afternoon, my cat was ten feet in front of me. A bird flew out of a bush and passed several feet above my cat, who simply leaped straight up and caught the bird in this mouth. Sadly, the impact killed the bird. The cat’s hunting prowess, even while on a leash, made me extremely vigilant when we are on a walk. Cat’s kill an awful lot of birds and that may be the one truly bad thing about house cats — they’re instinctive hunters and some cats will kill or at least attempt to kill any small creature they happen upon.

    Depending on how old Steve is and his general fitness (Overweight? There has been some history of that with cats in the Cole household, no?), and whether or not his hunting instinct is strong, he ought to be capable of killing any birds that approach that feeder. It needs to be moved to be well out of his reach.

    Steve should not be left alone in the yard with a bird feeder. Unless he’s an especially inept hunter, he will eventually kill songbirds, and it is our responsibility as cat owners to try our best to prevent that from happening. I don’t believe in keeping cats imprisoned inside houses and apartments, but letting them run free outside is dangerous for both them and songbirds. It’s irresponsible to put out feeders to attract birds to an area where a house cat is free to hunt.

  70. 70
    ET says:

    I have said it before but Steve is a FLUFFY cat.

  71. 71
    Trinity says:

    Steve is a gloriously fierce looking beast.

    We rescued two maine coon mix kittens last fall, Bird & Louie. Louie is already knocking on 15 lbs at one year old. I cannot wait to see how big he gets.

  72. 72
    Paul in KY says:

    @dedc79: I will go on record as saying I am fine with them killing any Starlings in the Western Hemisphere.

  73. 73
    VOR says:

    My 9lb female can jump onto ledges which are at least 4 ft straight up. I am sure big Steve could jump high enough to get a mitt onto a bird and knock it down. Once it is on the ground then the game is over, Steve wins. All he needs to do is get one paw on the bird to knock it down. He has a huge size and strength advantage over the bird so even a glancing blow is probably enough.

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