One more reason I’m glad I don’t have kids. Per NYMag, spoilsport Franklin Youngblood sued the West Babylon’s East Neck Nursing Center because “he found a photo of his mother, Bernice, stuffing dollar bills into the briefs of a male stripper there”:
… While Franklin and his lawyers maintain that East Neck’s staff brought in the stripper for their own “perverse pleasure,” a lawyer representing the nursing home, Howard Fensterman, claimed that the facility’s 16-resident activities committee requested the show themselves, and willingly ponied up the $250 fee. “They welcomed it, and it looks like they had a good time,” said Fensterman. He also noted that Franklin’s wife was photographed sitting next to his mother at the raunchy event in question. “Regardless of whoever’s in that picture — it’s wrong,” said Franklin, who might not know the women in his life as well as he thought he did.
In honor of the old rebuttal, I’m picturing Betty White asking the younger Youngblood, “Do I come to your cubicle and criticize your pr0n surfing choices?”
************
Apart from cheap sniggering, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
Schlemizel
I’m sure my mother never had sex & never even thought any sexy thoughts. I am sure she would be appalled by the mere thought of a man prancing around in his unmentionables.
RoonieRoo
Waiting for Grumpy and the puppy to get home. Our old man dog had surgery on his paw a couple of days ago and he’s been the ultimate clingy dog the last couple of days. Very pitiful.
ranchandsyrup
Arrrrrggggghhhh, our child care options for this evening have all fallen through. We were looking fwd to going to see Foster The People at the Belly Up. I was gonna unleash some heroically bad dancing. Instead I’m gonna head down there and miracle some (hopefully) deserving folks and hit up a good taco spot and head home.
Mnemosyne
If you end up with an earworm of the background music in “The Sims,” does it mean you’re playing it too much?
I’m asking for a friend.
Laertes
What an asshole. I hope he gets hit for the defendant’s fees.
Gin & Tonic
There’s a discussion downstairs that’s way over my head about the difference between dicks and assholes. With people like Franklin Youngblood around, that seems like a distinction without a difference.
jeffreyw
In upgrade hell. Two 8.1 machines took the spring update, the one in the bedroom refused it. Rolled it back to 8.0 and am downloading the 8.1 update now over my slow ass DSL.
Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader
Hopefully they opened up the nursing home to everyone after the show so some lucky college kids could get laid.
Litlebritdiftrnt
@Schlemizel: Ain’t that the truth? I was rather surprised to discover that my Mum was “a bit of a girl” in her youth and refused to accept it. It is quite the revelation to discover that your Mum had a sexual appetite no different than your own.
bemused
Mom has some dementia but said she felt embarrassed and ashamed by the encounter even though she doesn’t remember the details. Son needs to lighten up a bit and just walk away.
Keith G
Here is a somewhat lengthier take that adds a few more details.
It seems possible that the poor elderly woman is being used by her family and their lawyer.
Violet
The lawsuit seems ridiculous, but it sounds like there could be more issues at play. Like:
How did the money get out of the commissary account?
You can see the offending photograph here. Looks like they’re all in wheelchairs. The article indicates she might not have all her mental faculties. If that’s true and if other residents were in that situations then a strip show seems like a somewhat questionable choice.
Still think the lawsuit is stupid.
Anne Laurie
@Keith G: Yeah, if your son was making such a fool of himself in front of all the world and its news cameras, wouldn’t you feel “terrible & ashamed”?
Mnemosyne
@Keith G:
I guess the question that comes to my mind is, does she feel “terrible” and “ashamed” because she was embarrassed by the dancer, or does she feel terrible now that her son reacted like such an asshole when he found out?
(Hetero) women like to look at good-looking men, even when said (hetero) women are old, and even when they’re mothers or grandmothers. Some (hetero) guys have a really hard time dealing with that, especially when it’s their own sainted mother.
MomSense
Such a full day, today. I don’t know if that Chait piece received much attention here but I just read an excellent response by Zizi2 at theobamadiary. I’ll post the link here and a tease. It really is brilliant.
Racial Resentment is illicit stock Conservatives traffic for Profit & Votes
http://theobamadiary.com/2014/04/09/racial-resentment-is-illicit-stock-conservatives-traffic-for-profit-votes/#comments
Mnemosyne
@Violet:
But isn’t the commissary account supposed to be for Mrs. Youngblood’s use? What is the family’s argument, that she shouldn’t be allowed to access her own money, or that they’re supposed to be called every time to approve any withdrawals that she makes?
jl
@Violet: I can see some potential issues, like where did the bills come from, why was the photograph released, and whether all of the less than completely lucid residents were adequately informed about what the event was, even if the residents voted to have the show.
But the lawsuit says that the staff ran it.
So, looks like a confused mess to me, and maybe a frivolous lawsuit.
Schlemizel
@Litlebritdiftrnt:
Sorry about you but I am the result of immaculate conception!!
Fuzzy
Fuckin’ lawyers. Suing a nursing home for having too much fun. Maybe the old gals weren’t mature enough.
Mike in NC
Former US Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) could have a lucrative new career as a nursing home stripper, rather than trying to annoy the voters of New Hampshire.
WereBear
If the guy’s WIFE was there, then I’d say a supervisory level was met with a family member. What more could anyone ask?
burnspbesq
@Keith G:
Ya think?
Who was it that said “a town that’s too small to support one lawyer can surely support two?”
different-church-lady
@Violet: Keep your mouth shut and you see a picture of your elderly mother stuffing money into a guy’s underwear.
Sue someone and the entire world sees a picture of your elderly mother stuffing money into a guy’s underwear.
Violet
@Mnemosyne: No idea how the commissary account works in this specific situation. It may be that, no, she is not allowed access to that money for some reason. Perhaps if she could access it, she’d just give it away to one of the workers and not have enough for things she needs. Maybe her mental condition is such that she can’t handle money. We cannot know from here.
I have a friend who is the legal guardian for her dad and they have very strict rules with the nursing home about his access to his own money because if they didn’t he’d spend it all at once on junk food and it has to last a month. It’s not like he’s got the mental ability to learn a lesson and do better next time. If anything, he’s getting worse. Depending on the mental capacity of the resident, various rules and safeguards may be in place so they can have some sort of autonomy while making sure their needs are met.
Cassidy
I do t think it’s unreasonable to expect that the institution you have sent your parents to would exercise better judgement.
opiejeanne
I’m really on the fence about this because we don’t know the entire story, but I do empathize with the son. I wouldn’t discount him as a jerk who doesn’t know his mother, although his wife may be another story.
. My mother suffered from dementia but Dad took care of her at home so we didn’t have to worry about this or much worse things happening to her. She was very reticent about sex and would have been supremely uncomfortable in a situation like this before dementia set in, as would I, her “wild” daughter. I’ve never gone to a strip club, not because of prudishness (I costumed exotic dancers) but because I would be embarrassed and uncomfortable if approached by a dancer. .
Mnemosyne
@Cassidy:
It’s a retirement home, not a daycare center. I’m pretty sure that a woman who has a son has seen a minimum of two peni$es in her life before.
@opiejeanne:
It really, really depends on the person, though. My mom is pretty reticent about sex, but she would find it funny as long as the guy didn’t touch her.
I was raised Catholic, so I have frequently run into guys who were genuinely convinced that they were the products of immaculate conception and their mothers had never, ever had a sexual thought in their entire lives. Since the woman’s daughter-in-law (and the wife of the guy suing) was with her at the event, this seems like an intra-family conflict that got very ugly.
Violet
@Mnemosyne:
That’s true, but not all do. I have a female relative who won’t go to male strip shows or be in the room at a bachelorette party if a male stripper is performing. That’s her personal preference and she’s got her own reasons for it. You’d never guess it from knowing her, but that’s how she is.
The article says the mother was a strict Baptist. Perhaps she would have been horrified by a male strip show. Maybe she loved it. Who knows. In any case, when dealing with seniors, especially those with dementia or similar issues, it’s hard to know if they’re really for something or just don’t quite know what they asked for.
Personally I don’t think the strip show was a good choice for the nursing home. I also thing the lawsuit is ridiculous and it’s awful for the family to be doing it thus putting that photo of their mom out in public. Just wrong.
debit
Maybe she was giving the dancer money to go away. That’s the strategy I used when I was forced into a “German” restaurant and was accosted by roving accordion players. “Here’s a twenty. You get it if you promise to never come back.” It worked.
WaterGirl
@jeffreyw: In
upgradeMicrosoft hell.Fixed that for you.
opiejeanne
@debit: i’m that way in restaurants when there’s a performer that comes and sings or plays the violin by my table. I don’t know where to look, whether to stop eating and watch with an appreciative expression, or what.
Hal
They are so concerned they are parading their frail, 85 yo mother with dementia out in front of the whole world?
opiejeanne
@Mnemosyne: Yes, ti does really depend, and who are we to judge, when it comes right down to it. The whole issue from beginning to end is disturbing.
My own children cringe when I kid them that we only “did it” three times in order to have three children. Kids: they think they invented sex and rebellion.
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: Well, that’s not exactly true. If it’s a place for patients who require constant care, say people with dementia, then it is essentially a daycare center. For all we know this lady has had a constant stream of dick from 13 to 87; it’s irrelevant. While this issue exists in a gray area of older adults making decisions for themselves and requiring constant care, it’s not unreasonable to question the thought process of the staff who decided that it was okay.
WaterGirl
@Schlemizel: I walked in on my parents at the “wrong” time when I was 17. Eeewww.
jl
@WereBear:
” If the guy’s WIFE was there, then I’d say a supervisory level was met with a family member. What more could anyone ask? ”
Perhaps if there were photo documentation of the full participation of said wife, another dimension of this legal action would come to mind.
Violet
@Mnemosyne: @opiejeanne: Yeah, and that’s the thing that makes this wrong to me. When dealing with seniors, you start to get people who have hearing issues, comprehension issues, memory issues and other related problems.
So you have a residents council and they vote to bring in the strippers. Are all those in attendance really aware of what they’re getting into? Did they really understand that non-relative, scantily clad men would be dancing in front of their faces and asking for money? Then the show starts and the guy is there. The 86-year old mom may be participating because she is urged to by staff, or because she wants to or because she thinks she has to or something else.
It sounds like she’s got some memory issues and she’s probably not the only one in that group. Which makes having male strippers as entertainment somewhat questionable.
Still, it does seem like there is a family issue at the heart of the whole thing. If that really is the son’s wife next to the mom, then there’s more to the story.
mai naem
The nursing home showed such poor judgement according to the son that he has just started working on getting his mother moved to another facility -over a year later. And the fact that his wife was there – are you kidding me? She could have wheeled that woman out. We had a couple of local lawyers advertising about suing nursing homes because of “poor care for your loved ones even causing death!” I have to wonder if the family heard similar ads in NY and saw their lottery ticket. I doubt there was much money in the commisary. Most of these nursing home people are medicaid and get to keep around $100/mo for personal expenses after the nursing home has taken your social security benefits.
WaterGirl
@Hal:
I’m with you on that. From where I sit, it looks like the son has issues with his mom and his wife.
Linda Featheringill
Just got home this evening from an 11 day stay in the hospital. I’m not yet up to dealing with nearly nude male dancers. Maybe in a couple of weeks.
Question: Everyone seems to accept that the old guys enjoy and benefit from attention from pretty young women. Why would it be an aberration for an old girl to have happy thoughts of sex?
Violet
@Cassidy:
This is really the issue for me. She clearly needs some care because she’s living in a nursing home and not independently. How much help does she need? We don’t know. Even with family members it can be a gray and murky and challenging area. Given those parameters, it seems like the nursing home erring on the side of caution is the best choice. Bringing in male strippers to dance in the residents’ faces and ask for money is far across that line.
Raven
I’m at the 1st ever UGA hockey game in Athens!
Violet
@Linda Featheringill: My goodness! I hope you are doing better now. Welcome back! Wishing you continued recovery.
Cassidy
@Violet: Exactly. I would have questions and lots of them. I don’t think I’d sue anyone over it, but definitely some WTF!?
WereBear
@Violet: I agree that choosing a stripper as entertainment is a poor decision, because it involves residents with dementia issues, which can cause all kinds of “consent” problems.
If a bunch of ladies of sound mind want to whoop it up, that’s fine with me.
muddy
I’m trying to imagine my mother seeing a male stripper. I picture her giggling like a 6 year old and saying how funny it is to see a man pretending to be a stripper. Mom, he is a stripper. Trills of laughter – No dear, how silly!
Mnemosyne
@Violet:
The thing that stands out for me in the story was that the mother had a family member with her at the event, and that family member was the wife of the guy who is now suing. To me, that says that this is a family conflict that he’s decided to play out on the public stage to embarrass his wife and mother.
@Cassidy:
And yet, on the other hand, they’re adults, and you don’t need to protect them from icky, icky thoughts of teh sex! If the residents genuinely voted for this and said this is what they wanted, why should the morals squad step in and declare that they’re too old to look at mostly naked men?
WaterGirl
@Raven: Enjoy!
Josie
My Mom is in an assisted living facility for Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients. They don’t have a commissary account, since all food and snacks are covered by the monthly rent, and they have somehow managed to entertain the occupants without resort to strippers, male or otherwise. They have local performers of all types, but not strippers. I would not appreciate their doing this, since my Mom is not capable of making a rational decision to participate or not and would not have done so in her lucid life. I am wondering if the workers who set this up might have gotten a cut of the stripper’s take from the residents’ commissary money. That said, the decision to sue was a really poor one, as was the publishing of that photo.
Roger Moore
@Mnemosyne:
It could mean that somebody you know is playing “The Sims” too much and you’re hearing it as secondhand music. More likely, though, you are exceeding the recommended level of Sims playing, i.e. any.
WereBear
@Linda Featheringill: Glad you are sprung! May you continue to feel better.
Anne Laurie
@Linda Featheringill:
Owww! Welcome back, and I hope you’re feeling a whole lot better now…
Mnemosyne
@Linda Featheringill:
Yikes! I hope you’re on the road back to recovery. Though thinking about scantily clad men might distract you from your other issues for a few minutes. ;-)
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: Oh shut up. No one is being a prude. If they want to fuck up and down the hallways and have orgies in the game room, I don’t give a shit. I’m not into granny gangbang porn, but whatever. OTOH, I expect a medical facility to exercise good judgement.
Cassidy
@Cassidy: And seriously this has nothing to do with some idea if icky sex. If you’re that fevered, go knock the little man out of his boat and then come back. This is about an assisted living facility making poor decisions with people’s loved ones.
JGabriel
Orlando Weekly via DKos:
I would guess those three kids, when they grow up, will never, ever, vote for a Republican.
It’s early days. We’re going to be seeing a lot of tragic stories like this for the next few years, or longer.
Mnemosyne
@Cassidy:
No, you’re expecting a medical facility to police the morals of its residents and decide on their behalf what entertainment should and shouldn’t be permitted even when the residents express their wishes.
Should they be allowed to watch rated R movies? After all, they have nudity and bad language, and maybe one of the residents has never heard the “F” word before. Better protect them from that.
JPL
My son’s reaction would be worse.. just sayin.. He found out that I might meet someone for coffee and during dinner with neighbors announced he didn’t want to come into my home finding me chopped into pieces, if that were to occur. Lawsuits are nothing for my son.
also.. some sons are very protective
Roger Moore
@Mnemosyne:
Given that her daughter-in-law was apparently next to her at the event, do we even know that the money came from the commissary account and not directly from the daughter-in-law?
The Moar You Know
Some of the posts on this thread are a real in-your-face reminder that America was founded by, and still very much comprised of, Puritans.
Violet
@Mnemosyne: I’m not sure it’s confirmed that it’s a family member (the wife) in the photo, even if the lawyer for the nursing home says it is. But even if it isn’t, it still seems like a family conflict playing out on the larger stage. And the lawsuit is stupid.
That doesn’t excuse the poor judgment by the nursing home. For the reasons outlined above, when dealing with a more vulnerable population with health issues and loss of faculties, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Bringing in strippers is not about “teh sex”, it’s about making sure that residents with potential medical issues are in a place where they are treated with respect and kept safe. I can see all sorts of issues with the strippers that cross that line.
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: Oh whatever. Go burn a bra and stop being obtuse.
Cassidy
@Violet: Good luck.
Violet
@Roger Moore: There’s no way for us to know anything about the commissary account or the money. All we know is what’s in the lawsuit and what’s been in the news. So far it’s jockeying for position in the court of public opinion. Who knows what the real story is.
Maybe the mom went to male strip shows all the time before she went to the nursing home. Maybe it was a thing she did with the wife and now that the son has some control over her he’s using that control to embarrass his wife and keep her from going to strip clubs.
Maybe it’s all about money–the family saw an opportunity to make money from the lawsuit and took it.
Maybe the mom really isn’t in control of her faculties now and she was pious and would have been horrified at going to such a show when she had all her abilities and the son is acting in her best interest.
There are a whole bunch of possibilities. We can’t know what the real story is from here.
WaterGirl
@JGabriel: Did I read that right? Earning 9k a year makes you ineligible for Medicaid? Nearly half our states turned down Medicaid expansion. What the fuck is wrong with these people?
Mnemosyne
@Cassidy:
Dude. Your mom had sex. And she liked it.
Sorry to be the first one to break it to you.
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: I bet she sucked dick and tried anal too. That’s irrelevant. I know you’re not dumb, but I’m surprised you’re being this simple.
Mnemosyne
@Cassidy:
Hey, you’re the one who’s all upset that old ladies might want to look at half-naked guys. Frankly, I’m not surprised this guy’s wife didn’t tell him about the show, because it sounds like he properly freaked out about it even though his own wife was with his mom.
So what kind of places have your wife and mom gone to without telling you because they knew you’d freak out?
Mnemosyne
@Violet:
Exactly. It’s possible that it was a horrible, embarrassing experience for her, and it’s possible she was fine with it until her son flipped out. We can’t really say from the information given so far.
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: I’m not upset about anything. I said it’s not unreasonable to have questions about the staff’s decision making at a medical facility. You assumed it was about sex. Despite the consent issues and the ability of people with dementia, associated diseases, to have the kind of intact faculties to make sound judgements, this whole thing brings up questions of the staff’s professionalism. If they believe at appropriate to bring in strippers, do they also find it appropriate to not maintain their BLS certs or check their crash carts daily, etc.
Go ahead and keep thinking it’s about sex, dick, and pussy.
Cassidy
@Mnemosyne: And my wife and Mom don’t talk to one another. Look, I know you think you’re being edgy and sexually free and all that, but you’re trying to hard.
Ruckus
@The Moar You Know:
This.
Damn people it’s sex. We all do it, we all like it. Some of us even try to be responsible and respectful about it.
Why is that so difficult to understand and accept?
Cassidy
@Ruckus: Because it’s not about sex and that’s already been explained. Thanks for playing.
wasabi gasp
Reminds me of Cocoon and those big hairy alien balls.
Villago Delenda Est
Franklin Youngblood is a prudish sack of shit.
Fuck him with the remnants of Theon Lovejoy’s dick.
RSA
I’ve lived in a retirement home (independent living, but not assisted living), and I’d have to say that allowing a strip show was a fucked-up decision on the part of the management. In my experience, these places tend to be communities as much as places to live, and I can’t imagine that there wouldn’t have been some resistance to the idea. It just doesn’t seem a worthwhile event on balance.
Like many of the other commenters, though, I think the bigger issue is that some of the people involved have dementia. They may or may not be able to make rational decisions on their own–and it’s sometimes really hard to tell the difference. I’m not only thinking of who attended the show but of the son’s mother on TV. That was also a bad move, in my view.
Ruckus
@Cassidy:
It is actually.
That you can’t see that is the issue.
Sly
The East Neck Nursing Center is literally less than 200 feet away from my old elementary school. Someone remind me of this fact the next time I mouth off about weird and/or dumb shit that happens in other states.
Cassidy
@Ruckus: Only to simpletons. You’re probably confused. The son himself in the lawsuit that has been mentioned is probably a prudish dick, odds being what they are. The rest of us are saying it’s not unreasonable to question that sort of thing due to a number of issues, none of them involving prudishness or sex. It’s sad that you couldn’t comprehend that despite people not being subtle in saying that.
daveNYC
Stripper at an old folks home? Cool.
Stripper at an old folks home where members of the audience have dementia? Decidedly not cool.
Lawsuit about stripper at an old folks home? Depends on if he some legitimate reason for the suit or if he’s just getting huffy because of some family squabble or his personal feelings about strippers.