It’s said that while the first Velvet Underground album may have sold only 30,000 copies in its early years, everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band. I hope that, while only 30,000 people read this blog, everyone who reads this blog becomes an accomplished internet troll.
The other day I stopped by the Dish because one of you was complaining about how Sully (or his minions or whoever writes that blog now) was wanking about the assassination of Brendan Eich by the cowardly decadent left in its enclaves on the coasts. The post at the top made me a little sad. They had run some Rickroll April Fools’ joke and now they were reprinting reader responses, most of which were “wow, you really Rickrolled me”. But indeed the other posts were all Moore Awards and fear-mongering about the ugly tactics of dirty hippies.
It got me thinking…my proudest moment as a troll was when I got the Dish to reprint parts of my email about “shooter rushing”. The whole thing I sent was idiotic and obviously fake, but I thought this in particular was a give away:
Believe it or not, there is even a passage in Beowulf involving
“shooter rushing”, albeit with spears. Hengest briefly loses his mind after drinking tainted water and is subdued by a group of unarmed men who run at him.
But apparently it wasn’t!
I think it’s time to declare the first Trollifada, wherein we as a group bombard various serious Burkeans (the Dish is the main one that comes to mind, but there must be other good targets) with ridiculous contrarian emails (or tweets or whatever) and try to get them to run them as if they were sober serious commentary. The emails have to be too stupid for any sensible person to take at face value but not stupid enough for serious Burkeans to recognize as farce. That leaves a pretty big window, as you might imagine.
Here’s some tips. Establish credentials, either by being an expert who bigs to differ with the conventional wisdom of our hippie overlords, or by being even the liberal person who agrees that the left is unfair blah blah blah. This is completely off the top of my head, so it won’t be great but here’s a sample: “I’m a gay liberal Mozilla employee who worked under Eich for several years. He was the best boss I ever had and he never questioned my life style. And the man is both a genius and a humanitarian. The open source browser kernel he wrote (in his spare time!), and freely distributed, is now being used by millions of African children. Right now, I’m ashamed to be a liberal…”and so on