(Drew Sheneman at GoComics.com)
Christie’s latest attempt to wriggle out from under his own vast fvckup has been a real gift to political cartoonists, among others. Such as Gail Collins:
Let’s take a minute to search for life lessons in the latest Chris Christie bridge-traffic-jam episode. I believe there are two. First, when the political ship is going down, nobody will bother to rescue the unattached woman and the dork from senior year….
“I had nothing to do with this … and this report has supported exactly what I said,” Christie announced rather triumphantly. Negative minds might substitute “announced pompously with an extreme degree of self-righteousness,” but we are taking the high road….
New Jersey resident Scott Raab, at Esquire‘s Poltical Blog, puts it in more… Jersey terms:
Thank goodness we finally know the truth: The two conspirators behind the creation and cover-up of the Great Fort Lee Clusterfk — the twin villains who duped Governor Chris Christie and everyone else working for him — are Bridget Kelly, a scorned woman, and David Wildstein, a scheming, skulking Jew. That’s all, folks. Case closed…
No hog could be adorned with thicker lipstick. There are three other ongoing, official Fort-Lee-truth-investigations — most notably that led by Paul Fishman, the U.S. Attorney for New Jersey — so it was vital for Christie to get his story out first, before Fishman’s truth fails to dovetail with Christie’s story.
Plus, Christie needed a lift: He’s heading to Las Vegas to tea-bag Sheldon Adelson, and thanks to Fort Lee and those vicious media bastards, Christie’s stock has fallen so far so fast that he’s now billed as an opening act for Jebby Bush. For Chris Christie to resuscitate dead hope that he can become president of these United States, he must be washed white as ricotta. Hence the timing — not just of the Christie Report’s release, but of his accompanying national media blitz…
An opening act for Jebby Bush. That’s gonna leave a mark…
What is this, therapy? RT @GovChristie: I feel taken advantage of & also, but more importantly, I feel like I let people down by not knowing
— Josh Barro (@jbarro) March 28, 2014
(Mike Luckovich via GoComics.com)
Hunter Gathers
You know what? I’m going to take Christie at his word. There’s no question that he’s a world class chump.
Mnemosyne
Since this is also an open thread, I stumbled across an interesting article for “Cosmos” fans from UT Austin’s student paper about Neil de Grasse Tyson’s time there as a PhD student. He was not very happy and ended up transferring to Columbia after his thesis committee was dissolved, though no one (including Tyson) is entirely sure how it all went so wrong. Racism was a factor, but it sounds like there was some professional jealousy, too.
(On the other hand, he met his wife there, so it wasn’t all bad.)
Hal
Josh Barro should have kept the beard. He looks 12 years old on TV. He is still my imaginary future ex-husband.
GregB
Tony Soprano hired Pauly Walnuts and Silvio to look into wrongdoing on his part.
eemom
Another and better take you could have copied and pasted on this topic.
Also too, whuzzup with the sainted Mr. Pierce — is he on vacation?
jl
I don’t want to jinx Christie’s 2016 political failure by actually predicting it. But right now he seems to be in one of those ghosty movies where some poor schlub walks around unaware that he is already dead (politically dead, in this case).
Or maybe some other ghosty movie.
Not as light hearted as Topper. Not as dramatic as The Sixth Sense, and Bruce Willis is a better actor and comedian than Christie.
Maybe we can hope for at least a Beetlejuice.
srv
@Mnemosyne: Hmm, can’t believe the MA was in 83… I guess he just came back the summers until the gf graduated, because I had him in the summer of 85.
Higgs Boson's Mate
And this guy wanted to run the whole country. “I didn’t know that they were selling the national parks to the Chinese, honest.”
jl
@eemom: Thanks for that link.
I’m so sorry I misjudged poor Christie. He was obviously brought down by sex-crazed and loony Jersey Shore chicks. And Christie is such a gentleman, he surely made the lawyers take out the stuff about the PMS. That poor little Chris. I apologize for all the mean things I ever said or typed about him. Surely there are good explanations for all the other lies and BS he has committed over the years.
Redshift
You forgot to mention the disappearance of “I am not a bully” and the return of asshole Christie. Even though he has to pretend he’s not a dead man walking (politically), he obviously understands what it is the wingnuts loved about him, and it wasn’t his supposed skill at governing.
Hill Dweller
I love seeing another Republican tough guy shit the bed at the first sign of trouble.
jl
@Redshift: Yes, I noticed that too. After a little down time for self-reflection about this sad episode in his glorious reign, he auditions the ‘new-Christie’, different from the old Christie except exactly the same.
Gave me a good idea what he was reflecting about: the best vaudeville schtick he could pull in order to get out of this potentially fatal jam.
mclaren
As fun as it is to kick Christie while he’s down (and personally, I’m up for that! Gimme some steel-toed boots!), at this point everyone realizes the Democrats have a lock on the presidency in 2016. Especially if the Repubs nominate Jeb Bush.
Holy crap, can you imagine the 2016 campaign ads???!?!? Just run some footage of Katrina. [Voice-over] BUSH. (run footage of soldiers dying and screaming and getting dragged out of humvees bleeding after IED explosions. [Voice-over] A NAME TO RECKON WITH. (run footage of the global financial meltdown) A FAMILY THAT HAS HAD A POWERFUL EFFECT ON AMERICA. (run footage of 9/11 jets hitting the Twin Towers) DURING THE LAST BUSH PRESIDENCY, MANY THINGS HAPPENED… (footage of Dubya giving his “mission accomplished” speech) BUSH — ANOTHER FOUR YEARS? (footage of people in unemployment lines, in homeless camps, malnourished children crying for food) CAN AMERICA AFFORD THAT?
Boy, that would be the hardest-hitting campaign ad since LBJ’s “daisy” spot in 1964.
Jeb might manage to carry Texas.
But frankly, as fun as all that might be, I’m a lot more concerned at the rightward drift of the Democratic party. A presumptive presidential candidate who assures us that “bashing the bankers” is “not productive” while America slides into kleptocracy…a Democratic party whose current vice president claims “we need a D-Day in the War on Drugs”…a Democratic party cheerfully in love with kidnapping and assassination of U.S. citizens, eager to press forward universal panopticon surveillance of its own citizenry… These are big warning signs.
Yes, it’s fun to watch the Republican party disintegrating into insanity and irrelevance.
Not so fun?
Watching the Democrat party swing to the far right to take positions that even extremists like Barry Goldwater would have balked at.
Villago Delenda Est
I’m not sure what is more amusing: the cartoons lampooning Christie’s “vindication” or that he actually thinks anyone outside of the Morning Joe studio buys the ‘vindication” for a nanosecond.
Amir Khalid
I saw this sentence from a blog entry on a German website: “Thomas Hitzlsperger hat sich als schwul geoutet.” (Thomas Hitzlsperger [retired football player, formerly of Everton FC and Germany] has come out as gay.) When did “outen” become a German verb? Why didn’t I get the memo?
OzarkHillbilly
@Villago Delenda Est: He is really just hoping somebody will believe the white wash. In particular, the money men of the GOP. And after seeing the $$$$s they threw around in 2012, who can blame him? Proof positive that you don’t have to be smart to be rich.
Amir Khalid
Why do Chris Christie’s legs look so skinny in that cartoon? He’s thicker around each thigh than most men are at the waist.
Baud
@Amir Khalid:
An internal investigation found that Christi’s legs are skinny.
Amir Khalid
It may be that Governor Harkonnen is working hard to convince himself that his internal-review ruse has succeeded with the public, well enough to let him argue that he’s not ruined as a politician and is still a contender for 2016. It hasn’t, of course, and it seems he’s now in serious denial.
One wonders what the ongoing federal investigation will turn up about him.
gogiggs
According to a study I’ve commissioned, headed by my mom, I’m the handsomest boy in town!
OzarkHillbilly
Today, brought to you by Republican austerity and science denialism, 21 bodies and 30 more missing, possibly to be never recovered bodies!
I will save all of you the trouble of actually reading the article and cut straight to the punchline at the very end:
“The US Geological Survey started a landslide inventory pilot project for states, in which Washington participated – but ran out of money.“
Thank you thank you, I will be here all week and remember to tip your servers.
MikeJ
@OzarkHillbilly: Just more proof that government doesn’t work!
Frankensteinbeck
@OzarkHillbilly:
There was a big commenting burst about how Adelson’s $100 million may not have gotten him any winning candidates, but bought his way into Washington elite power. I couldn’t disagree more. It bought him a reputation as America’s third biggest mark, and created a line around the block of grifters ready to separate this sucker from his mountains of cash.
OzarkHillbilly
@MikeJ: It is only a “theory” that heavy rains, excessive logging and steep terrain can combine to cause land slides. My holey book on the other hand says it is really caused by hot socialistic gay people in St Patrick’s day parades. You noticed this didn’t happen in New york or Boston didn’t you?
Patricia Kayden
@Frankensteinbeck: True. Throwing money at losers doesn’t get them into the White House. But it spreads the wealth within the conservatives community. Trickle down economics at its best.
raven
“A Delaware man convicted of raping his three-year-old daughter only faced probation after a state Superior Court judge ruled he “will not fare well” in prison.
In her decision, Judge Jan Jurden suggested Robert H. Richards IV would benefit more from treatment. Richards, who was charged with fourth-degree rape in 2009, is an unemployed heir living off his trust fund. The light sentence has only became public as the result of a subsequent lawsuit filed by his ex-wife, which charges that he penetrated his daughter with his fingers while masturbating, and subsequently assaulted his son as well.
Richards is the great grandson of du Pont family patriarch Irenee du Pont, a chemical baron.”
SiubhanDuinne
@raven:
That affluenza is really going around.
Patricia Kayden
@raven: Just probation! Sigh.
OzarkHillbilly
@Patricia Kayden: See? Raygun was right all along.
JPL
@raven:
Poor guy, he’s a wuss .. leave the wuss alone. Beau Biden is attorney general but had no idea about the sentence. I blame Obama.
link
OzarkHillbilly
@SiubhanDuinne: It is an inherited recessive gene passed down from both parents to the child. Aggressive treatment** in early childhood (ages 1-4) is usually successful. Failing that the first signs of the disease usually asserts itself with the onset of puberty. By that point treatment is usually unsuccessful and the condition becomes progressively worse asserting itself in ever more antagonistic pathological behaviors.
** The treatment is of the parents, not the child.
Baud
@raven:
Does Delaware have secret courts for the rich and famous, or do they mean the sentence only came to the public’s attention because of the lawsuit?
Baud
Senate panel says torture didn’t help U.S. in hunt for Osama bin Laden: AP
chopper
…and this guy wants to be our latex salesman.
Ash Can
And you all knew that, during his speech at that confab in Las Vegas, Christie pissed Adelson off by referring to the West Bank as the “occupied territories,” right?
OzarkHillbilly
@Baud: In other “No Sh!t News” today, the International Court of Justice has said that Japan’s “Research Whaling Program”, isn’t.
“The court has voted 12 to 4 that Japan has not acted in conformity with several clauses of the international convention for the regulation of whaling. It must cease all special permits and refrain from issuing any more.”
JPL
@Baud: Since Robert H. Richards IV, is a wuss and a perv, wouldn’t torture toughen him up. He could then go to jail, where he belongs.
PurpleGirl
For the duPont heir, how about probation with an ankle bracelet and a few hundred-thousand hours of community service doing hard physical work. It would be a real different experience for him.
Baud
@JPL:
I don’t know. If he went to jail, that would be one less spot for potheads and people who steal extra soda from fast food places.
Baud
@OzarkHillbilly:
“I’m a scientist,” a clearly angry Captain Ahab said in response to the ruling.
chopper
@OzarkHillbilly:
but Japan’s internal investigation has come to the opposite conclusion.
Baud
@chopper:
Interestingly, the report issued by Japan’s internal investigators noted several times that Bridget Kelly and Bill Stepien were in a romantic relationship.
Keith G
@Baud: Thar she blows!!
IowaOldLady
@Baud: It drove me nuts to hear talking heads calling the Kelly/Stepien relationship “salacious material.” They were single adults who were seeing one another. Is that all it takes to be salacious?
John S.
Obamacare website down again. Yuk, yuk, yuk:
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/obamacare-website-down-deadline-arrives-n67666
I’ll hold my breath for the headline later in the week proclaiming Obamacare a huge success with nearly 7 million enrolled.
Your liberal media hard at work.
Jack the Second
@Baud: Don’t forget all of the destitute with unpaid parking tickets who need to be locked up at their own expense until they realize the error of their ways, stop being poor, and pay their fines.
Baud
@IowaOldLady:
No. You also have to embarrass a media darling.
OzarkHillbilly
@John S.:
As opposed to your stupidity which doesn’t have to work at all?
Cervantes
@OzarkHillbilly: You’re missing his point, I think.
John S.
@OzarkHillbilly:
What brand of stupidity robs you of the ability to account for sarcasm?
Go have some coffee and STFU until your brain catches up to your mouth.
OzarkHillbilly
@John S.: I’m sorry….. (in my best 4 year old voice) My sarcasm meter must be on the brink. Happens every time I have to spend some time with God Botherers.
Paul in KY
@mclaren: Running Jebby against Mrs. Clinton, the Repubs might think that they are innoculated against Dubya comparisions due to Mrs. Clinton running (the Clenis, etc.)
sparrow
@Amir Khalid: Gov Harkonnen: LOL! Thanks for that.
Matt McIrvin
@raven: Your everyday garden-variety convict, after all, positively thrives in prison.
OzarkHillbilly
@John S.: As to STFU? I love polite conversation in the morning with like minded people. Go fug yourself with a rusty pipe bomb. ;-)
Gin & Tonic
@OzarkHillbilly: He might have meant SFTI (sorry for the inconvenience.) I know I get these internetty acronyms mixed up from time to time too.
Matt McIrvin
@Mnemosyne: So last night we watched the second and part of the third episode of Cosmos. Around the middle of the (rather one-sided in my opinion) animated depiction of the feud between Robert Hooke and Isaac Newton, it’s getting late and my daughter needs to take a bath, so we go upstairs for that.
Tyson had been talking about comets and people freaking out about them, so I mention that the freaking-out never really stopped. “When I was first dating your mom,” I said, “there was a beautiful bright comet in the sky that you could see with the naked eye, hanging right there in the sunset. And there was this deluded religious cult that all killed themselves because they thought a UFO with the comet was going to take them to another dimension, or something… Somehow people can’t bring themselves to believe that they’re just chunks of ice in space.”
Then my daughter corrects me, and starts intoning in an imitation of Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s TV delivery, “A comet… is a collection of dust… gas.. ice… and rock…”
(The correction’s well-taken. My default mental picture of a comet nucleus comes from Fred Whipple via Carl Sagan: a “dirty snowball,” mostly ice with some other materials mixed in. The modern picture is more complicated: they’re often more dirt and less snowball, though you need something volatile in there to get cometary activity. The line between comets and asteroids is not so stark.)
John S.
@OzarkHillbilly:
I see the coffee has kicked in. :-)
Paul in KY
@Matt McIrvin: Need to show her an old clip of Mr. Sagan & tell her we all used to imitate his ‘billiyuns and billiyuns’ intonation.
Would be a lesson that there is nothing new under the sun.
Mnemosyne
@Matt McIrvin:
My favorite part of the article I linked to is the very beginning, where a homeless man recognizes Tyson on the street and asks him a burning question about black holes.
That’s one of the reasons the fundamentalists make me both angry and sad: they’re robbing their kids of the genuine wonder that comes from seeing the universe as it really is, not through the lens of a book written long before the telescope was even invented.
(And while I admit I don’t know much about the feud, I didn’t think the Hooke and Newton thing was one-sided. It seemed to be a pretty mutual loathing, for equally petty reasons.)
tk
@Amir Khalid: Horkonnen. Heh. I’m stealing that.