In Defense of Miracle Whip

I ate a lot of it growing up, and I know I’m not the only one. Calvin Trillin has a talk called “Midwestern Jews: Making Chopped Liver with Miracle Whip”. He tells the story that, once after giving the talk, a woman congratulated him on the clever metaphor, and he replied, “that’s no metaphor, that’s my Mom’s recipe.”

I don’t think that Miracle Whip is the tastiest food product known to man, but you have to understand the context in which it was eaten. The wide-open Plains are full of bland food and lots of butchers, so when we made sandwiches, it was usually some kind of prepared meat on white bread with cheese and mayo. Miracle Whip is a very lightly spiced version of mayo, so if you wanted a little “zing” on your bland sandwich, you used it instead of Hellman’s. One sandwich that probably took a few years off my life consisted of a variety of liverwurst with a white rind made entirely of fat and a piece of cheese (Kraft Cheddar if you were lucky, Kraft American in an individual slice wrapped in plastic if you weren’t). This delicacy was served on soft white bread (Sweetheart, the local Wonder-like brand) slathered in Miracle Whip. A small piece of iceberg lettuce was optional. In the summer, this was made much more tasty with a homegrown tomato. BLTs in our house were always served with Miracle Whip, and any “salad” (like macaroni salad) that called for mayo also used Miracle Whip.

loafMiracle Whip was a key ingredient of sandwich loaf, pictured at right, which consisted of layers of sandwich fillings like egg salad, tuna salad, and the make-or-break Underwood Deviled Ham layer, in which Miracle Whip was a critical component. In case you’ve never had sandwich loaf in the formal setting shown here, you might not have seen a “frosted” version, which used a thick covering of cream cheese to make sure that everyone eating it gets their beetus on.

If you think that’s the most disgusting food known to man, avoid the area roughly west of Chicago, east of Denver and north of Oklahoma, and you should be fine.

(By the way, in defense of my Mom, she mostly made this stuff when entertaining or to feed us with our friends, because her good Mexican cooking went unappreciated by bland eaters among her family and friends.)

Share On Facebook
Share On Twitter
Share On Google Plus
Share On Pinterest
Share On Reddit






207 replies
  1. 1
    evap says:

    I always think of MW as sweetened mayo, I never noticed it being “lightly spiced”. I love mayo, but MW is just too damn sweet. Yuck.

    I used to make peanut butter and mayo sandwiches as a kid, or even better, mayo and potato chip sandwiches. Really!

  2. 2
    MikeJake says:

    Sandwich “loaf”?! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    Though I’m one to talk. Up til about 5th grade, my fav sandwich was salami and cheese on white with miracle whip and ketchup.

  3. 3
    Suffern ACE says:

    That sandwich loaf picture is propaganda. It would fit right in to a “why we fight” documentary for embattled foodies.

  4. 4
    c u n d gulag says:

    Oh-oh!
    A condiment thread!!!
    This never ends well at LG&M.

    Me?
    I can take Miracle Whip, or leave it.

    But it’s got to be healthier for you than what my Russian/Ukrainian family puts liverwurst on – and sure, Slavic bread is infinitely better for you than American white bread, but not if, instead of mayo or MW, you use butter!
    And some sharp mustard and horseradish, of course!!!

  5. 5
    Vince says:

    D: I think this post should be titled “Domestic Terrorism”.

  6. 6
    c u n d gulag says:

    @evap:
    Yeah, I’m with you on that too damn “sweet, thaaang!

  7. 7
    Donut says:

    All the peeps who grew up / still live West of the Rockies are wondering what is this “Hellman’s” you speak of.

    It’s aka “Best Foods,” y’all.

    You’re welcome.

  8. 8
    Suffern ACE says:

    The grey liverwurst is actually the top shelf liverwurst. I don’t know why you’re complaining about that.

  9. 9
    danielx says:

    Could be worse….my dear demented old daddy used to makes sandwiches consisting of white bread, Miracle Whip, liverwurst and anchovies (canned, the salty kind). If he was feeling adventurous he’d include a slice of fried green tomato. The smell alone was bad enough to gag a hyena and when I reluctantly tried a bite when I was seven or so (at his urging), I damn near tossed my cookies on the spot.

  10. 10
    different-church-lady says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    I can take Miracle Whip, or leave it.

    Mushy centrist.

  11. 11
  12. 12
    elmo says:

    I have a well-deserved reputation as an adventurous, eclectic eater. There is nothing I won’t try once.

    Except that “sandwich loaf.” That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

  13. 13
    magma says:

    Hellmann’s® – Real Mayonnaise

  14. 14
    Betty Cracker says:

    I am not judgmental at all about downscale foodstuffs such as Underwood Deviled Ham, VYE-enna sausages, etc. but Miracle Whip is just gruesome.

  15. 15
    AdamK says:

    @magma: Bravo!

    My mom was a midwestern Jew, daughter of midwestern Jews, and she never touched a jar of Miracle Whip in her life. Nor will I.

    Disgusting, sugary slime.

  16. 16
    Poopyman says:

    By the way, in defense of my Mom, she mostly made this stuff when entertaining or to feed us with our friends …

    Come to think of it, Jeffrey Dahmer was Midwestern, wasn’t he?

    Growing up in Pittsburgh, perched on the far eastern edge of the Plains, I wasn’t aware of any significant difference between Miracle Whip and Hellmans, possibly indicating that we were sunk even lower in the American gastronomic hellhole.

    … because her good Mexican cooking went unappreciated by bland eaters among her family and friends.

    This goes in spades for the Pittsburgh of the ’60s, where even the most mundane of Chinese takeout was too foreign for my folks. Sigh. At least I moved and grew in my taste of international cuisine.

  17. 17
    c u n d gulag says:

    @magma:
    When I live in NC, I became a Duke Mayo convert!

    Sadly, you can’t find it in Upstate NY.

  18. 18
    JPL says:

    My mother refused to buy Miracle Whip and as a child, I was envious of MW families. The stuff is really awful though, so I guess she was right. If you want spicy, add some mustard.

  19. 19
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Tastes differ. Humans are diverse. Water is wet.

    There. I said it.

  20. 20
    elmo says:

    @danielx:

    I think my dad would have loved that.

    Dad had a brief fling with adventurous cooking when my Mom got sick. But he had no instinct for it. So he made things like duck with mashed potato stuffing, which if you can imagine a sort of potato-like Crisco ooze, you are pretty close to the mark.

    He kept trying different ways to make lentils, until he finally happened upon a recipe for “lentil sticks” – essentially the shape and size of fish sticks, only using pureed lentils and baked.

    Think about the color, shape and texture of that for a minute.

    When the little turds came out of the oven, he laughed and laughed and laughed, until the tears literally dripped off the end of his nose. I have a very clear memory of him, bent over, unable to breathe, with a single tear hovering and ready to fall, laughing like crazy that he had baked little poop sticks.

    He ate every one of ’em.

  21. 21
    Geeno says:

    @Suffern ACE: Ummmm, because it’s liverwurst?

  22. 22
    Amir Khalid says:

    Just what this blog needs, a thread about white glop. I must confess I’m not much of a mayonnaise eater, or Miracle Whip either.

  23. 23

    For a moment, I thought that was a cake. The best chicken salad sandwich I have ever eaten was in Mumbai or Bombay as it was called then. It was in a chain called Croissants, etc; they mixed chopped hot peppers and red onions along with the chicken and their own mayo. Hot and spicy, I think it was called Junglee Chicken, it made both your eyes and mouth, water.

  24. 24
    elmo says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    Same thing happened to me when I moved to VA. I can get it here in Maryland!

  25. 25
    scav says:

    @elmo: Oddly enough the loaf makes me laugh, although I think I’d be poking different layers in myself and slicing my bread waaaayyyyy thinner were I to attempt it for the giggles.

  26. 26
    Poopyman says:

    Also too, and possibly at odds with my last comment, my dear old departed daddy never used the term Liverwurst. It was always and generically Braunschweiger.

  27. 27
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Poopyman:

    Come to think of it, Jeffrey Dahmer was Midwestern, wasn’t he?

    “And what was REALLY disgusting”, said Lt. John Cole of the Milwaukee police, “is that he put Miracle Whip in the barrels with the body parts.”

  28. 28
    RSA says:

    Nice photo. One of my blogging acquaintances maintains a Vintage Recipe Cards site, which really makes you feel bad for people who were kids in the 1960s and 1970s. (Hey, wait–I’m one of those people!)

  29. 29
    elmo says:

    @Poopyman: that’s what we called it too.

  30. 30

    WTH is liverwurst? It sounds disgusting. Reminds me of liver fluke. Do not want.

  31. 31
    nancydarling says:

    Thanks for defending us low-lifes, Mistermix. I still prefer MW on my BLT’s and post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches; and I’m pretty much a ‘food snob’ these days, preferring pasture raised chicken, beef and pork, organic eggs, farm fresh organic milk, almost no canned foods, and fresh organic veggies which I often grow myself.

    Can that liverwurst you mentioned still be bought? Only my Dad and I would eat it and we used yellow mustard instead of MW on soft white bread—Rainbow as I recall. We called it goose liver for some reason. I used to make Spam sandwiches with catsup, too.

    I’m a pretty fair cook if I do say so myself and I no longer eat Spam, but they eat an awful lot of it in Hawaii. It’s a hold over from WW2 when they couldn’t buy fresh meat. Hawaiians use it in every thing from sushi to julienned in soups. I’ve had the soup with a Japanese friend who grew up in Hawaii. Another Japanese friend who was born and raised in California and is married to a Chinese man raised in Hawaii indulges him periodically with some Spam concoction.

    I also remember a Brit who was a child in war time England. He loved Spam. He said when the American GI’s arrived, he had not eaten meat in a long time. One of the soldiers gave him a can of Spam and he described the taste rapturously and still loves it to this day.

    And John Cole, I may eat MW, but I would never use a salad dressing mix on my fresh salads. So there!

  32. 32
    nancydarling says:

    Thanks for defending us low-lifes, Mistermix. I still prefer MW on my BLT’s and post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches; and I’m pretty much a ‘food snob’ these days, preferring pasture raised chicken, beef and pork, organic eggs, farm fresh organic milk, almost no canned foods, and fresh organic veggies which I often grow myself.

    Can that liverwurst you mentioned still be bought? Only my Dad and I would eat it and we used yellow mustard instead of MW on soft white bread—Rainbow as I recall. We called it goose liver for some reason. I used to make Spam sandwiches with catsup, too.

    I’m a pretty fair cook if I do say so myself and I no longer eat Spam, but they eat an awful lot of it in Hawaii. It’s a hold over from WW2 when they couldn’t buy fresh meat. Hawaiians use it in every thing from sushi to julienned in soups. I’ve had the soup with a Japanese friend who grew up in Hawaii. Another Japanese friend who was born and raised in California and is married to a Chinese man raised in Hawaii indulges him periodically with some Spam concoction.

    I also remember a Brit who was a child in war time England. He loved Spam. He said when the American GI’s arrived, he had not eaten meat in a long time. One of the soldiers gave him a can of Spam and he described the taste rapturously and still loves it to this day.

    And John Cole, I may eat MW, but I would never use a salad dressing mix on my fresh salads. So there!

  33. 33
    Betty Cracker says:

    @c u n d gulag: My sis went to grad school at UNC and acquired similar notions. She had the stuff shipped down to her and was overjoyed when a local chain started carrying. Me, I still prefer Hellmans for store-bought mayo. Bit homemade is much superior.

  34. 34
    raven says:

    @RSA: I’ve made a killer Salmon in Aspic.

  35. 35
    Wag says:

    If that sandwich loaf were to show up on the menu of a hipster eatery in NYC, it would be immediately praised as a thing of beauty. Of course it would have to be made with locally sourced sustainably produced meats, and hand made aioli

    And I would eat it

    Just as I would eat the loaf in the picture.

  36. 36
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Donut: When visiting “back east” (which from my perspective in Oregon is east of the Rockies…Denver is “back east” to us) I saw a Hellman’s ad, and it uses the same jingle as Best Foods. Was wondering about that, then read the Wiki article, which explains everything.

  37. 37
    Suffern ACE says:

    @elmo: there are darker reaches of that style of cooking.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariann.....s?s=mobile

    I’ve actually had “perfection salad”.

  38. 38
  39. 39
    raven says:

    @Betty Cracker: The Duke mayo folks used to sell live mudbugs. Ever have Roddenberry Pickles?

  40. 40
    Amir Khalid says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:
    Exactly what it sounds like: Leberwurst is (pig) liver sausage. I reckon Blutwurst, sausage made out of congealed pig’s blood (ick), sounds even grosser.

  41. 41
    AliceBlue says:

    @RSA:
    One Christmas a few years ago, Mr. AliceBlue gave me a book called “The Gallery of Regrettable Food”, which featured recipes (and pictures) from 50’s, 60’s and 70’s cookbooks. It was both hilarious and horrifying.

    I grew up in that era but fortunately my mom was a terrific cook.

  42. 42
    elmo says:

    @nancydarling:

    Fried Spam sandwiches on white bread are the closest thing to Heaven this particular atheist will ever have. So much yum.

  43. 43
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Amir Khalid: Just goes to show you that Bismarck was on the money with his famous analogy.

  44. 44

    @Poopyman: Does not sound appetizing.
    As for MW, I am not a fan of either mayo or Miracle Whip, if had to choose I’d go with mayo. I prefer my condiments to be colorful and assertive, not bland and white.

  45. 45
    debit says:

    I grew up on Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread. I never tasted real butter until I was a young adult; we always had margarine, the horrible cheap kind that was spray painted yellow on the outside. I can still see the pats with lard white insides and neon yellow outside melting on my Wonder Bread toast in my mind’s eye.

  46. 46
    Poopyman says:

    @Wag:

    Just as I would eat the loaf in the picture.

    Damn right you’d eat the loaf in the picture, because it’d be served in the Midwest, and it would be impolite to your hostess not to at least put a dent in it.

  47. 47
    WereBear says:

    Thanks so much for the sandwich loaf picture. It brings back my Midwestern childhood. Jello in seven layers with different add-ons in each one. Vegetables boiled to a shadow. Elbow macaroni cooked to the size of actual elbows.

    I thought that was why it was called that.

    But then, we didn’t have exceptional cooks in my family. My father claimed he didn’t know toast wasn’t black until he left home.

  48. 48
    ruemara says:

    Still nasty. I love you no less.

  49. 49
    Fergus Wooster says:

    I was shocked nobody mentioned balut in the gross foods thread.

    Fertilized duck egg? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut_(egg)

    You’re welcome.

  50. 50
    OzarkHillbilly says:

    Have to say I never got the love for something so completely tasteless as mayo is. The store bought stuff is like not even being there. My wife’s home made mayo? That is some tasty stuff. I think it has something to do with the herbs and spices she puts in it.

  51. 51
    Ruckus says:

    @elmo:
    After that you’d have to eat them.
    What else could you do?
    Food is supposed to be fun isn’t it?

    BTW LOL.

  52. 52
    Poopyman says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Does not sound appetizing.

    My father loved it. I couldn’t eat it. Fifty years later I’m still not inclined to try it again.

  53. 53
    evap says:

    He who knocks first gets liverwurst.

    But liverwurst always knocks first.

    (I think that’s from the Soupy Sales show, now I’m really dating myself.)

    P.S. Duke’s >>> Helman’s!

  54. 54

    Veggies can be gross too. My South Indian MIL likes to chop her veggies about a mm thick then cook them to within an inches of their lives. Green beans, cabbage, you name it, everything gets the same treatment.

  55. 55
    Boudica says:

    My favorite growing up was Oscar Mayer ham and cheese loaf which was ham with little measles spots of “cheese” in it on white bread with Miracle Whip. It makes me ill to think about it now.

  56. 56
    c u n d gulag says:

    @WereBear:
    My first day at college, I went to the cafeteria with some of the other new students, and they had this green thing called “broccoli.”

    I said that can’t be broccoli, because this is green, and broccoli’s grey – at least the way my family made it. And other veggies.

    Oh, and to this day, for my mother, and my late father, any pasta is too al dente if it hasn’t separated into its component parts, into a goo.

  57. 57
    Tripod says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    From wiki:

    A typical commercial formula is about 40% pork liver or scalded beef liver, 30% scalded pork jowl, 20% lean pork trimmings and 10% bacon ends and pieces.

    Lips and assholes, all the way down….

  58. 58
    Linnaeus says:

    I would eat the sandwich loaf. It actually doesn’t look too bad.

  59. 59
    shelly says:

    That sandwich loaf picture could come right out of a Jane and Michael Stern food book. Actually, I think there is one, in ‘Square Meals”

  60. 60
    nancydarling says:

    @c u n d gulag: My mother cooked all her vegetables to mush. Green beans cooked for an hour or maybe two. My brother, to this day, wants his green beans cooked “until they surrender”. He is such a pain in the ass to cook for. I don’t know how my SIL stands it.

  61. 61
    cat whisperer says:

    We grew up on Miracle Whip & it was called mayonnaise in our house. When I graduated from HS & went to stay with a cousin, I threw out her actual mayo because I thought it had gone bad.

    Nowadays, I still use MW on sandwiches, but real mayo in recipes that call for mayo.

    P.S. That sandwich loaf looks and sounds delicious.

  62. 62
    Ruckus says:

    I grew up with MW. That’s what mayo tasted like to me. In the navy I ended up in Belgium a few times. The first time I saw a tiny hole in the wall chips shop and had a hankering. But all they had to put on the best fries I’ve ever tasted was mayo. Real mayo. Wow. I don’t use MW or mayo very much any more but good mayo on fries is just grand.

  63. 63
    Egypt Steve says:

    Always hated mayo, and never really knew the difference between mayo and Miracle Whip because I can’t stand the sight of either one. Give me mustard on my burger any day of the week; maybe even twice a day.

  64. 64
    Seth Owen says:

    My mom had many talents, but cooking wasn’t one of them. Her signature meal for us kids was “pizza bread”, which was composed of American cheese on pizza sauce on sliced bread baked in the oven. Hey, kid’s will eat it. I know, because I’ve tried it on mine and they love it. In that sort of universe Miracle Whip is gourmet.

    Personally, I find the idea of sushi more disgusting than Miracle Whip, but then I’m a white bread kind of guy.

  65. 65
    Betty Cracker says:

    @raven: I can’t abide pickles of any type. Are they considered special by pickle eaters?

  66. 66
    Tommy says:

    My mom cooked three meals a day, if you can call it cooking :). Pretty much red meat, potatoes of some kind, some veggie out of a can, white bread, and milk. Three times a day. I recall going to college in Louisiana and finding out there was an entire world of food out there I wasn’t aware of. I liked it.

  67. 67
    JPL says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: My mother used to over cook fresh green beans with ham hock and onions. It was served almost like a soup and at the time, was my favorite food. Now not so much.

  68. 68
    Ruckus says:

    @Tripod:
    You sound like you have military food experience.

  69. 69
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    Years ago one of my fellow machinists ate a sardine and mayo sandwich on white bread for lunch every day rolled over. It was advisable to stand upwind of him afterward.

  70. 70
    danielx says:

    @Poopyman:

    That was it – Braunschweiger! Came in a foil package inside a little round cardboard box. I knew it was liverwurst, but couldn’t remember the variety. Oddly enough, although he was a big liverwurst fan, he couldn’t stand cooked liver, which was just fine with the rest of us since we couldn’t stand it either. We did have a family rule that every family member had one food item they didn’t have to eat; mom came up with that one after one too many battles of will involving keeping one of her very disgruntled offspring at the table for a half hour after everyone else had finished. Also too, it was kind of her get-out-of-jail-free card for not buying bananas, which she couldn’t stand and which the rest of us loved. My sister escaped from cooked carrots – the little cubes in frozen mixed vegetables, which were a staple of 60s cooking. She spent more time sorting out those carrots than she did eating the rest of the meal. My own rejected dish was Brussels sprouts, about which I felt the same way my mom felt about bananas – couldn’t stand the smell, the texture or anything else about them, and no, I don’t want to hear any shit about how they’re delicious if properly prepared.

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Liverwurst is pork liver sausage and is even more disgusting than it sounds.

  71. 71
    Elizabelle says:

    I guess that’s a cream cheese icing — or cream cheese and MW — on the sandwich loaf?

    It’s very pretty. It’s not too far off the tiny tea sandwiches served at a high tea (albeit, it is made with MW)? Photo looks like something from McCall’s magazine, which trilled about the “strong and beautiful” Phyllis Schaffly the last time I read an article.

    We always had Hellman’s mayo growing up. Still love it.

    Did like the tang of MW at a friend’s house. They were suspect, because they were Pepsi people too.

    Last: we loved “perfection salad” served with a dollop of (Hellman’s!) mayo growing up.

    Perfection including lemon jello, shredded carrot, drained crushed pineapple, cooled, and then topped with the mayo.

    Tres elegant.

  72. 72
    raven says:

    Miracle Whip is good on them after Thanksgiving turkey sammies.

  73. 73
    WereBear says:

    @c u n d gulag: I said that can’t be broccoli, because this is green, and broccoli’s grey – at least the way my family made it.

    That made me laugh until the tears came.

    The midwest can do some things well; we ate incredible beef and pork and chicken from the backyard. The pies and sweet corn were divine. (For some reason, fresh corn was exempt from the Boil Edict. It was whisked in and out of the hot water within a minute.) And I still remember one incredible lemon pudding recipe which would separate while baking to reveal a cake layer floating on top — awesome.

    This morning I got some pork sausage from a local farm, and they were incredible. Both Mr WereBear and I exclaimed over them. They tasted like sausage did in our childhoods.

    Which means what passes for “sausage” in the bright boxes in the supermarket is some bizarre food-like product which we are never buying again.

  74. 74
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    I’m headed back to Germany next week. Land of mystery meats. Not a great place for a vegetarian like me. I’ll drop a pound or two that week.
    They do have the most fantastic pastries and great, cheap chocolate though.

    ETA, on topic: We use little Mayo or MW. MW is fine as a dressing in salads. Everyone who grew up in the Midwest has eaten their weight in macaroni salad with MW dressing.

  75. 75
    MomSense says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    That is a proper liverwurst sandwich in my book. Good bread, mustard and butter!!

    As someone who never had miracle whip growing up, I can tell you that when I first tried it I did not like it at all.

  76. 76
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    Not a huge fan of broccoli but I had the most kick ass homemade broccoli-cheddar soup in a little diner in CT last week. Went back the next day for another bowl.

  77. 77
    Suffern ACE says:

    I’m going to the store to get me some liverwurst and Lebanon Balogna for lunch. Mmmmmm. Mmmmmm. Good times.

  78. 78
    Ruckus says:

    @danielx:
    Brussels sprouts. I hated these more than liver. Mom normally didn’t over cook veg but she did them. And that is the key to not ruining them. Last housemate grilled them. I tried one. Not heaven, not something I’d look for unless I was literally starving but they didn’t taste anything like mom’s. And I’m still alive, something I was afraid, no sure of, would not be true if I had any of mom’s.

  79. 79
    Tommy says:

    @MomSense: I am pretty sure my mom has at least 1,000 uses for miracle whip. I rarely eat fast food, but when I do I usually head to Subway. The folks always are stunned I don’t want any mayo. But then again I am one of those “strange” people that doesn’t use ketchup either.

  80. 80
    c u n d gulag says:

    @WereBear:
    When I lived in NC, there was this great Farmers Market outside of Chapel Hill, in Carrboro.

    And this one farmer had duck eggs (YUM!), and home-made liver, and breakfast, sausage – TOO DIE FOR!!!!

  81. 81
    CaseyL says:

    My family has a basic template used to make tuna salad, potato salad and chicken salad. The base ingredients are the same in all of them: an egg salad consisting of hard-boiled egg, chopped celery, mustard (gotta be Frenches yellow) and mayonnaise (gotta be Hellman’s/Best). Then you add the specific ingredient – tuna, chicken, potato.

    I’ve gotten adventurous enough to add some onion, or occasionally chopped pickle, to the tuna salad; and some day I might try some capers in the chicken salad. But otherwise I keep to the recipe. Maybe it’s because I grew up eating it that I still love it. (Alas, no more potato salad for me, as I’m not supposed to eat potatoes anymore.)

    I think if I made any of these with MW, my grandmother would rise up out of her grave to haunt me.

  82. 82
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Ruckus:
    Try them baked in the oven.

    Coat them with EVOO, some Kosher salt, fresh cracked black pepper, roast them until the outside just starts to brown.

    Take them out, sprinkle some Parm or your favorite hard cheese on them, and ENJOY!!!

    You can also coat them in breadcrumbs, and bake them. ALSO, YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  83. 83
    Tommy says:

    @c u n d gulag: Oh how I miss the Farmers market and just Eastern Market in DC. Living in rural IL you’d think we might have amazing farmers markets. I mean most of the food the world eats is grown within feet of where I am sitting, but alas the Farmers markets kind of suck.It hurts me head, cause it makes no sense.

  84. 84
    Ruckus says:

    @Tommy:
    I can’t remember having a bottle of cat soup in my house in decades.
    Little deli near work makes grinders and will put mayo/mustard on them if you ask but normally it’s olive oil, salt and pepper. Mmmmmm good.

  85. 85
    raven says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Hey, I just saw Rooney and some guy from Liverpool share a drink from the same bottle during a stoppage. Is that normal?

  86. 86
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Tripod: Like the US Congress!

  87. 87
    Pogonip says:

    @Egypt Steve: I don’t like mayo either, but Miracle Whip + mustard + celery salt + egg yolk = perfect deviled eggs. That’s the only thing I use it for.

    The phone wanted to turn “deviled” to “reviled,” which seems appropriate given the scorn being heaped upon MW.

    I like deviled ham. And a Spam sandwich once in a blue moon.

  88. 88
    raven says:

    @Tommy: Urbana’s is great.

  89. 89
    Elizabelle says:

    @Pogonip:

    Reviled egg.

    Funny.

  90. 90
    Ruckus says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    That’s sort of what my friend did, without the cheese but with home made salsa, which goes with most everything.

    Fire roast serrano peppers-usually a couple. Skin and place in bowl with fresh garlic. Crush with bottom of glass.
    Fire roast tomatoes, remove the skin. Place in bowl. Crush with glass. Add salt and chopped onion. I like red onion. Mix and eat on anything.

  91. 91
    c u n d gulag says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    Yeah, our Farmers Markets here in Upstate NY kind of suck, too!
    They lack the variety of the one in NC, where they had people selling all sorts of stuff, from home-made cheese, to one tomato farmer who had like 30 different varieties of them.
    I ate so many of them one summer, I got a rash.
    I went to the doctor, and he asked what I was eating.
    And I told him a tomato sandwich for breakfast, a tomato salad or sandwich with tomato at lunch, and some sort of tomato salad at dinner – often with some fresh mozzarella I got at the market, some basil leaves, EVOO, salt, pepper, and a dash of balsamic vinegar.
    The doctor said, “You do know that the tomato is part of the belladonna family, don’t you, and that that’s a deadly poison?”
    I said sure I knew.
    He said you can’t eat enough tomato’s to kill yourself, but you’re eating so many of them, you’re getting a reaction.
    I had to cut-back on fresh tomato’s, which are like my favorite things EVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

    We have a farm/apple orchard just a couple of miles down the road, and that’s where I get a lot of our produce – in season, of course.
    But it’s not a farmer’s market, where different farmers try to show-off!

  92. 92
    MomSense says:

    @Tommy:

    I hate ketchup!! It is way too sweet.

    I make homemade roasted red pepper aioli for homemade fries or we eat them plain when I season them with oregano, garlic, salt and pepper. My kids are totally spoiled.

    Brussels sprouts are delicious roasted in the oven. I have a vegetarian version and bacon version–both delicious.

  93. 93
    danielx says:

    @WereBear:

    Yes! Pies etc were great, I still miss my grandma’s apple dumplings – I’ve never been able to make pastry crust like that. Pineapple upside down cake – ambrosia. Sweet corn is still to die for, and yes, that was one item that wasn’t overcooked. That corn is as good as it ever was, either from a roadside stand or, amazingly enough, at grocery stores at the price of a quarter an ear or thereabouts. Pro tip – if you’re preparing for lots of people and all the stove units are occupied, it can be cooked in the microwave in the husk. Three ears: cook on high for four minutes, turn them over and cook another four minutes.

    @Elizabelle:

    Standing joke about how to prepare salad in the midwest (or the south): “First you open a box of jello…”. There’s a variant about salad preparation amongst the Scandahoovian, Finnish, etc immigrants in the upper midwest – northern Wisconsin, da UP – that goes like this: “First you cut up a dozen potatoes and cook them in bacon drippings…”

  94. 94
    PurpleGirl says:

    My father was a meat and potatoes guy. Steak, mashed potatoes, peas (carrots or corn or green beans) for dinner. Roast beef, maybe roast chicken, pork chops, lamb chops, veal. Sandwiches were balogna, or ham, turkey, with butter or mustard, no mayo. Once in a long while maybe fried fish. Quite bland and booooooring.

    When I got to college I began expanding my foods, eating out with friends. Adding in Chinese, Mexican, Greek foods among others. (I love Retsina, it is an acquired taste but one I like very much. Also Slivawitz, which is Eastern European white lightening.)

    In 60+ years, I’ve never had Miracle Whip.

  95. 95
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Ruckus:
    WOW!
    I’m going to try that. THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  96. 96
    Tommy says:

    @raven: There is an amazing farmers market type store. They even have this great deal for $15/week they just deliver to your house whatever fresh produce they have. But the Farmers markets around me are terrible. Heck the one on my town is embarrassing. But I guess I shouldn’t bitch cause I found a lady there this year that makes the best jam I’ve ever had and sell free range eggs for only $2.75/dozen.

  97. 97
    Carol says:

    @c u n d gulag: Butter is OK! Margarine is NOT OK! Those spreads are not OK! Eggs are OK! Those spreads have somewhat less than 5% egg, so they are not OK!

  98. 98
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    @MomSense:

    My wife will not touch ketchup. She loves tomatoes in all forms but hates sweet foods. At a diner I can taunt her just by waving a bottle in her direction. Out of sympathy I put hot sauce or salsa on my hash browns.

  99. 99
    c u n d gulag says:

    @PurpleGirl:
    I turned some college friends of mine onto Slivawitz, back in the day.

    The only problem was, when everyone woke up hung-over, they immediately had to make a beeline for the john, because that white lighting is make from plums!

  100. 100
    Tommy says:

    @MomSense: I am hard pressed to think of a veggie I don’t like. But not much of a fan of brussels sprouts.

  101. 101
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Carol:
    I stopped using margarine years ago, and use only butter.
    And I also cook with either EVOO or canola oil.

  102. 102
    ira-NY says:

    The iceberg lettuce was and is not optional!

  103. 103
    geg6 says:

    @Poopyman:

    Well, I grew up in Pittsburgh, too, and there was definitely a difference between Hellman’s and Miracle Whip in my circles. And passionate arguments on either side.

    For myself, I prefer mayo on sandwiches (if I must have mayo). Miracle Whip can be great for things like creamy coleslaw or potato salad where you’d use some spice and sugar anyway. But I’m really a mustard fanatic.

    As for ethnic foods, there are a lot of Italians and Lebanese immigrants where I grew up. They certainly made excellent and adventuresome dishes for a girl like me who came from a British/Irish/German heritage. Kibbe was a revelation to me as a child. And grape leaves. And spicy peppers and calamari.

    Not every town or neighborhood in and around Pittsburgh was a Wonder Bread fantasy, even if my own heritage trended in that direction.

  104. 104
    different-church-lady says:

    @Fergus Wooster: “This page has some issues.”

    I should say so — there’s an egg with feathers on it.

  105. 105
    Amir Khalid says:

    @raven:
    It was a great match, especially the result. A 3-nil away win is always a good thing. Too bad Gerrard missed a chance to score the first hat-trick of penalties in the Premier League.

  106. 106
    MomSense says:

    @Ultraviolet Thunder:

    I am the same way. There is a fair every fall in Maine that is put on by the organic farmers and they only allow ketchup/catsup made from tomatoes and without all that corn syrup. It is really tasty – not sweet and actually tastes like tomato. Give me savory or spicy over sweet any day! Actually I do enjoy pies but I don’t put a lot of sugar in them.

  107. 107
    raven says:

    @Tommy: Sounds good.

  108. 108
    ira-NY says:

    When the government came out with its food pyramid several years ago, I was shocked that MW was not part of the pyramid’s base.

    Obviously, the experts who designed this pyramid had not consulted with my grandmothers or mom.

  109. 109
    Ruckus says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    The tomatoes are hot enough off the grill to burn so be careful removing the skin.

  110. 110
    Tommy says:

    @geg6: Until grad school at LSU I don’t think I’d ever had any ethnic food, unless you call Italian ethnic :). Then the best thing that ever happened to me, after college one of my first roommates had a Korean girlfriend. I’ll never forget the first time she took me to an Asian market, not a single label in English. It was like an entire new world opened up in front of me.

  111. 111
    angelfoot says:

    @Boudica: Yes! And Olive Loaf! Good times.

  112. 112
    Ruckus says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    Try sesame seed oil. I don’t like the toasted, just the regular. Not as high a smoking point but adds a very light nutty flavor.

    Oh and it’s not all that cheap.

  113. 113
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Ruckus:
    Been there.
    Done THAT!!! :-(

  114. 114
    p.a. says:

    No German DNA in me, but I love liverwurst: Mother Goose brand is local, maybe it’s Americanized, I don’t know. I process it and use it as a spread. I prefer Cain’s mayo to Hellman’s- Northeast brand with a little more acidic brightness. My foodslumming weaknesses are white American cheese, Chinese boneless ribs (there are some local producers of ‘Chinese’ sausage with the same red mystery flavoring in it. Grill-tastic!), and Rhode Island’s own Saugy’s hotdogs- natural casing beef and veal dogs, a/k/a Snappers.

  115. 115
    danielx says:

    Spam…for reasons that I’m at a loss to explain, mom had some in the pantry and fixed/fried it one evening when pop was working late. My sibs and I thought it was okay, if not outstanding. Then pop came home from work, smelled it, changed color and issued a ruling that it was never to be purchased again. I asked him about it since I thought this was sort of odd given his propensity for eating weird shit; he explained that he’d had to eat all too much of it in some really unpleasant locations (like New Guinea) where there were hostile people shooting at him and the odor reminded him of places and times he’d much rather not remember…

  116. 116
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Ruckus:
    I used to always have some around, but we’re on a very tight budget, and that’s expensive – unless I’m in an Oriental Market, which is the only place I can afford it.

  117. 117
    MomSense says:

    @Tommy:

    I’ll post a couple recipes for you to try. You may be a convert. It is important to start with fresh brussels. If you can buy them on the stalk at the farmers’ market even better.

    Now that we are veggies we skip the bacon but the two recipes are pretty much the same.

    You take leeks and shallots and slice them thinly (as many as you like!)
    Place them in a shallow baking dish with the brussels.
    Toss them with olive oil salt and pepper.
    You also need to add some vinegar or lemon juice. I think aged balsamic is the best for this recipe. Only add a very small amount to the olive oil.

    If you want to try the bacon version it is exactly the same except I take 3 of the 5 strips of bacon and cook them in the microwave in a bowl. When they are done cooking, I add a bit of balsamic to the bacon grease and toss that with the olive oil, salt and pepper and coat the brussels with that mixture. I cut up all of the bacon and roast it with the brussels, leeks, and shallots. The leaks shallots, bacon and outer layer of the brussels are nice and crisp and the brussels end up with great flavor.

    I roast them at 350 for 30 minutes at most–but I check them at 10 and 20 to stir and then at 25 and they are usually out by 30.

  118. 118
    Carol says:

    @c u n d gulag: I forgive you

  119. 119

    @MomSense: Try Hunt’s, they make it with cane sugar. I add a touch of Sriracha to the ketchup, tastes even better.

  120. 120
    bemused says:

    I loved sandwich loaf, back in the day. I think it could easily be made with healthier, tastier ingredients esp the bread and mayo.

  121. 121
    Ruckus says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    Oriental market!
    That’s got to be better than the cost at WholePaycheck, which is the only place I can find it around these parts of LA. I’ve lived in some of the ritzier parts of LA and it’s carried in the regular supermarkets. Not so much in the lesser burgs where I can afford to live now.

  122. 122
    hitchhiker says:

    @elmo:

    oh, god I needed that laugh so much.
    thank you!

  123. 123
    Tommy says:

    @MomSense: Copy and pasted into my never ending “I need to try this” file. Oh I should note I am that person that thinks everything in the world is better with bacon, so I am thinking you know which version I’ll try.

  124. 124
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Ruckus:
    When I lived in Fayetteville, NC, we had Oriental Markets all over town.

    The prices were UNBELIEVABLE!
    I used to get a pound of fresh shrimp – JUMBO – for about $3-5 a pound!
    And this was only like 6 years ago.
    Great fresh fish, too!
    AND VEGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We only have one Oriental market, and it’s kind of lame.

  125. 125
    Fergus Wooster says:

    @different-church-lady:

    Imagine hardboiled egg, but with a beaky bony crunch.

  126. 126
    Ruckus says:

    @elmo:
    Spam, spam, spam, spam…..

    Fried spam and eggs.

  127. 127
    bemused says:

    @AliceBlue:

    I have that book and it is indeed terrifying.

  128. 128
    geg6 says:

    @Tommy:

    Depends on the type of Italian foods we’re talking about. American-Italian might as well be the same as the bland midwestern cuisine being dissed here. But I’m talking real Italian food by people who were first-generation immigrants from Italy. My high school boyfriend’s parents both were Italian immigrants and they cooked and ate foods you wouldn’t see in your typical Italian restaurant around Pittsburgh in the 70s. The first time I went to their house on Christmas Eve for the Feast of Seven Fishes, I had no idea what most any of it was. But almost all of it was simply divine. They taught me about the differences among olives, for instance. Until then, I though all olives were a yellowish green and stuffed with a pimiento. And my Lebanese friends got me addicted to kibbe and hummus before they told me what it really was. But I was one of the most adventurous eaters among both my friends and family. Even as a child, I would eat things or at least try things that no one else (other than adults) would.

  129. 129
    Tommy says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Oh Sriracha. About the only condiment in my fridge. I looked, but I can’t seem to find the long form article I read about the founder. It was an amazing read. He went on a rant about all the “experts” that tell him he should sell the company. That he could make a lot more money if he used lesser ingredients. He laughed and said he already had more money then he could spent and that his heritage was in that bottle and he wasn’t going to change a thing. After reading the darn article I swear the stuff even tastes better now!

  130. 130
    geg6 says:

    @Ruckus:

    Grapeseed oil is a nice oil, too. Has a very high smoking point.

  131. 131
    gelfling545 says:

    I live in a Miracle Whip zone (WNY). I never cared for any mayo-type spread on sandwiches and still don’t but, for American-style potato salad, it’s got to be Miracle Whip. For the raspberry mayonnaise that goes on my turkey on whole wheat baguette hors d’oeuvres the mayo must be home made (which is really pretty simple).

  132. 132
    Ruckus says:

    @c u n d gulag:
    I’ll have to look elsewhere, where I live, it’s cramped Ralphs(Kroger) or small Mexican grocery stores.

  133. 133
    WereBear says:

    @c u n d gulag: So it was Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. :)

    High in the Adirondack mountains, you don’t expect local farms. But we have a great many, and the farmer’s markets have goat milk cheese, fresh meat and chicken, produce, crafts, even local wine. Which is good stuff!

    Believe me. I’ve had Indiana wine. And lived to tell about it.

  134. 134
    c u n d gulag says:

    @geg6:
    One year my friend’s mom made some calamari, stuffed with eggs, for that Feast of Seven Fishes!

    Holy shit, WAS THAT AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  135. 135
    Tommy says:

    @geg6: There is a part of St. Louis called “The Hill.” Famous for its Italian food. I was lucky to have the “real deal.” For me the best thing from a food point-of-view was moving to DC. You name a country in this world and there are immigrants from said nation and they are cooking their style of food. Often their own markets. Heck at one place I worked, right across the street with immigrants from Iran. Who know some rich and a fried egg could be so good. And their lamb, wow, wow, wow.

    Another an Salvadorian market NEXT to where I worked. I’d walk into one of the places and was stunned at how much food I had not tried. Who knew you could wrap so much stuff with a banana leaf (I sure didn’t). I wanted to try it ALL!

    But what I might miss the most is the Jewish deli that was right up the street from where I lived. Here in rural IL I’d kill for some real bagels. Heck folks come to my house and see me use a bagel like, I don’t know a type of bread, to make a sandwich and they are stunned.

  136. 136
    Ruckus says:

    @Tommy:
    Sriracha is made not too far from where I work, in a new factory and some of the neighbors have been complaining about the smell. It has raised quite a local ruckus (see how I slipped that in there) involving the South Coast Air Quality Management District’s and it’s law suit against the smells supposedly coming from the plant.

  137. 137
    max says:

    @geg6: Grapeseed oil is a nice oil, too. Has a very high smoking point.

    Oh, hell yes. Beats the hell out of most other (non-olive/peanut) veggies oils. (I know what I am trying to say – any of those crappy oils like canola or whatnot that taste terrible and smell bad.)

    max
    [‘Must avoid.’]

  138. 138
    Ruckus says:

    @geg6:
    Tried it, like sesame seed much better.

    I’m pretty sure that makes it unhealthy, the fact that I like it.

  139. 139
    Tommy says:

    @Ruckus: I could see how folks might be a little upset, having been to where they make Tabasco. Heck I grew six plus kinds of peppers and just a few of them can make my whole house somewhat toxic. I can’t imagine what an entire plant would produce.

  140. 140
    Mary Brown says:

    We grew up in Minnesota. Didn’t know anything about mayonnaise until I was older. Almost everyday, we would come home from school on our lunch break to a sandwich with a slice of bologna, Miracle Whip and a slice of tomato on Wonder Bread served with Campbell’s Vegetable Beef and a glass of milk. Mmmmm good. On really special days, Grandpa would come to visit and he would bring a sack of White Castle’s. Still love those things and my little dog too.

  141. 141
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Mary Brown:
    I love White Castle’s little burgers.
    And their fries.
    But sadly, there’s not one anywhere near us!
    And the frozen ones aren’t nearly as good.

    The thing about eating them, is that they stay in your intestines for years and years!

    Then, one morning, you poop something out, and it smells like a digested WC burger!!!

  142. 142
    Violet says:

    @Ruckus: I like cooking with coconut oil. High smoke point and imparts a light coconut flavor. If you don’t like coconut then it’s probably not for you and it doesn’t work with all foods, so it’s good to have another option.

    Canola oil is often processed with high heat and hexane to extract the oil. Not all are, so check around before you buy it.

  143. 143
    Tommy says:

    @c u n d gulag: The White Castle by me went out of business. It is freaking directly across from a High School (open campus) with almost 5,000 students (looks like a small college). I mean I commented to somebody that ought to be a license to print money.

  144. 144
    Botsplainer says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    We have White Castles, spent many a 4 am eating the to soak up cheap beer.

    My digestive system no longer tolerates them, delicious though they may be.

  145. 145
    hoodie says:

    We used eat a lot of MW when I was a kid, particularly on BLTs and Braunschweiger sandwiches. As a kid, I preferred it to mayo, probably because it was sweet. Mom also used it with sweet pickles in tuna, chicken or potato salad. My sister used to eat peanut butter and MW sandwiches. Yuck.

    The one concoction I still enjoy from time to time is Spam and onion sandwiches with yellow mustard, preferably French’s. The appeal is mostly nostalgia, because that’s what my dad and I would eat on long road trips out west in his ’60 Caddie when I was in my early teens. I’d be in the passenger seat slicing the spam and onions with a knife made from a car leaf spring, while he’d keep driving so we didn’t have to stop for food. You want to use a sweeter onion, the gold standard being Walla Walla sweets (Vidalias work pretty well, too). Passed that one on to my boys this summer during a trip to WA. They had their first Spam and Walla Walla sweet onion sandwich at Paradise on Mt. Rainier.

  146. 146
    dopey-o says:

    Head cheese on Wonder Bread, with Miracle Whip. You’re welcome.

  147. 147
    CaseyL says:

    @MomSense: OMG, that sounds amazing. I may try the bacon version, if I can find any cruelty-free bacon. In Seattle, that shouldn’t be too hard…

  148. 148
    Betsy says:

    @Elizabelle: “high tea” is actually a very hearty, rustic meal served late for working people and farmhands.

    The marketers (or somebody corporate or silly) have gotten hold of the term and misuse it to mean fancy finger-food served on doilies. Typical. But high tea is NOT “Tea at the Ritz.”

  149. 149
    Svensker says:

    Miracle Whip is actually the commercial version of old-fashioned “boiled dressing” — which is a farm version of mayonnaise. Since oil was not readily available, farm wives used milk and flour to make a base, then added eggs, and some sugar and a bit of mustard to give it zip. Boiled dressing was traditional in cole slaw — mayo is a new fangled addition.

    I went to a wedding reception in western Pennsylvania where the food was lovingly prepared by the bride’s friends and danged if every dish wasn’t some sort of “salad” absolutely drenched in Miracle Whip. Glop with chunks!

    Sandwich loaves may be prepared with either mayo or M.W., depending on proclivities.

  150. 150
    Tommy says:

    @Betsy: Marketing folks like myself are good at messing stuff up. I can be a little elitist about a few things, but when I went to have “high tea” even I thought both the concept and idea was shit all stupid.

  151. 151
    Ruckus says:

    @Violet: Landlady cooks with coconut oil and it’s just a little disgusting to me for some reason and I hate canola.

  152. 152
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    One thing I recall with horror from my youth is pepper loaf. Basically bologna with whole peppercorns studded throughout. Imagine being 7 years old and suddenly chewing a whole pellet of black pepper in your sandwich. Other frequent options that were OK: olive loaf, pickled bologna.

  153. 153
    Tommy says:

    @Ruckus: I have not tried coconut oil. I am a high-end peanut oil kind of guy.

  154. 154
    RSA says:

    @raven:

    I’ve made a killer Salmon in Aspic.

    I never saw the appeal of aspic until I tried it with a pate. Yum.

    @AliceBlue:

    “The Gallery of Regrettable Food”

    What a great title—I’ll have to keep a lookout.

  155. 155
    Betsy says:

    Duke’s Duke’s Duke’s
    Makes best everything

    Thick slices of homegrown tomato on good bakery bread + slathered with Duke’s = Summer love

    I can eat four one right after the other and that’s a GOOD lunch

  156. 156
    Goblue72 says:

    Real German smoked Braunschweiger is great. A little stone ground mustard, maybe a thin slice of tomato and onion and pickle on toast. Good eats. The Germans are experts at tasty sandwich meats.

    The sandwich loaf above on the other hand sounds disgusting. Nothing good can come of Midwestern white bread cooking. Thank god the country in the last 20 – 30 years has evolved its palate. Long live Alice Waters.

  157. 157
    MomSense says:

    @CaseyL: @Tommy:

    Sorry I don’t have measurements–I’m a wing-it kind of cook. The big thing is not too much balsamic. It overpowers if you use too much. Maybe 1 tablespoon. If you want more add cautiously. Shallots are delicious crispy. I used to put them on burgers–when I ate burgers.

  158. 158
    Tommy says:

    @Goblue72: I live in an area founded by Germans and even today, their culture still has a ton of influence. If I were asked to pick one type of food I could do without, German would be at the top of the list. I honestly don’t get it.

  159. 159
    Don K says:

    @Suffern ACE:

    Mmmmm … lebanon bologna … and scrapple and eggs for breakfast

    I had plenty of both growing up in South Jersey (lebanon bologna on white with yellow mustard), and still enjoy both on occasion.

  160. 160
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    I would eat almost anything as a kid, but liverwurst and Kraft American slices on Wonder bread with MW was going too far. The overall fattiness was too much for even this fat kid.

  161. 161
    Suzanne says:

    That is fucking disgusting. That is even worse than sweet potatoes with marshmallows.

    WHITE PEOPLE CANNOT DO FOOD.

  162. 162
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    @Tommy:
    Next week I’m headed to Germany for my 3rd trip in 13 months. And I’m a vegetarian. I eat at the Kebap places. That’s food a guy from Detroit can understand.
    I made the mistake of asking a hotel waitress for just vegetables, since I’m not a picky eater. Turnips, rutabaga and the toughest potatoes ever that tasted like they were boiled in sea water.

  163. 163
    Betsy says:

    @MomSense: how do you make crispy shallots? Sounds fantastic

  164. 164
    Tommy says:

    @Suzanne: As a white dude I would say you are correct. Heck my brother married into this huge family. When we have events and everybody brings a dish or two I am like WTF people you eat this shit. How are you still alive? I’ve been thinking of trying to introduce them to the concept there are these things called veggies. Also you don’t have to top everything with bad, cheap, melted cheese.

    The only positive is one of the family members is a huge hunter and brings blood sausage and venison jerky. We are the only two people that eat it and I often go home with a lot of it in tow. I find myself picking up some quality cheese and sitting in a chair with a knife and eating until it kind of hurts.

  165. 165
    Violet says:

    @Ruckus: I rendered my own tallow from beef fat. That’s a magnificent cooking oil. High smoke point. Got the fat for free, so except for the energy cost of the 30 minutes on low it took me to render it, it was free.

  166. 166
    Tommy says:

    @Ultraviolet Thunder: My folks were in Germany a year or so ago. I guess asparagus was in season and they said it was served with EVERY meal. My folks don’t like asparagus. I was like, OK one of my favorite things in the world, I could eat just asparagus for a week or so if needed :).

  167. 167
    Violet says:

    @Tommy:
    Spargel! That’s the white asparagus. And when it’s in season in Germany, it’s in everything. Even ice cream.

  168. 168
    Tommy says:

    @Violet: White asparagus it was. I thought they might be making some of it up, but they swear they are not sure they had a single meal where there wasn’t asparagus. They hated it. Sounded like heaven to me.

  169. 169
    Ruckus says:

    @Don K:
    Kippers and eggs.

    You have to get past the smell but it tastes good.
    I’ve only managed to get past that once.

    Now a kippers sandwich with a little mayo and mustard, that’s good. Haven’t had one in decades though.

  170. 170
    Mister Papercut says:

    @c u n d gulag: I was going to say Sauer’s edges out Duke’s for me, but it turns out they’re made by the same company. I legit never noticed.

    ObligatoryMWOpinion: that shit is wack.

  171. 171
    Mister Papercut says:

    @c u n d gulag: I was going to say Sauer’s edges out Duke’s for me, but it turns out they’re made by the same company. I legit never noticed.

    ObligatoryMWOpinion: that shit is wack.

  172. 172
    Mister Papercut says:

    @c u n d gulag: I was going to say Sauer’s edges out Duke’s for me, but it turns out they’re made by the same company. I legit never noticed.

    ObligatoryMWOpinion: that shit is wack.

  173. 173
    Ruckus says:

    @Suzanne:
    Sure we can.

    Frequently we do it badly I’ll grant you that.
    But then some of the foods other races cook make starving look pretty appealing to me.
    But you are right marshmallows have ruined many a good food. Along with over cooking, boiling veg, salting like a winter road….

  174. 174
    different-church-lady says:

    @Suzanne:

    WHITE PEOPLE CANNOT DO FOOD.

    The French would like to have a word with you.

  175. 175
    El Tiburon says:

    What Mistermix said.

    Also too Vegamite.

    Nastiest sht on the fcking planet, yo.

  176. 176
    MomSense says:

    @Betsy:

    Slice them on the thin side and put them on a flat baking tray with a little olive oil and salt and pepper. Roast them at 425 and stir several times until they are nice and crispy! Not too much oil or they will be too soft.

  177. 177
    Mister Papercut says:

    @RSA: IIRC the book is pretty much the original Gallery of Regrettable Food blog set to paper. Happy reading!

    Re: my above triple post. Fuck my life, that’ll teach me to post from my phone. >:[

  178. 178
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    @Tommy:
    I’ll eat asparagus whenever I have the chance. I keep getting sent to Germany in bad weather. Really looking forward to maybe one trip this year when it’s not cold or rainy. Baden-Württemberg looks like it would be pretty swell in the summer.
    The food isn’t all heavy traditional but for a vegetarian there just isn’t as much variety as I find in the US. One thing I like: Germany takes breakfast seriously and so do I.

  179. 179
    Nutella says:

    I don’t like to eat it but I do admire Miracle Whip for its clever marketing. They produced an imitation mayonnaise but didn’t have to call it imitation anything because they gave it a new name. A very clever new name: ‘Miracle Whip salad dressing’ so it officially belongs to a known category ‘salad dressing’ but the brand name is used as if it were a new product.

    Marketing genius!

    (Note: It’s imitation mayonnaise because there’s a specific formula that you have to follow to be able to use the word ‘mayonnaise’. It has to have eggs in it, for example.)

  180. 180
    texasdoc says:

    @geg6: I liived in Pittsburgh for a while, and agree with this. A lot of Slavic, though–a common menu at weddings was fried chicken with stuffed cabbage rolls! The International Festival every year was fun too. There were, of course, the Italian booth, and a Greek booth. After that, it was Russian, Ukrainian, Czech, Byelorussian, Polish, through all the slavic nations, all of them serving stuffed cabbage rolls.

  181. 181
    Ferdzy says:

    @Nutella: Actually, Miracle Whip is the descendant of British “Salad Cream” where as “Mayonnaise” is the descendant of actual French mayonnaise”. Which kind of tells you why Miracle Whip is so vile.

    And WereBear – I have that lemon pudding recipe. It is the bomb.

  182. 182
    Chet says:

    Yay, another “let’s establish our SWPL bonafides by spitting on all the white proles in flyover country and their disgusting tastes” thread. I can’t imagine why the GOP has been so successful at the “liberal elitist” meme.

    Seriously, fuck you fucking assholes.

  183. 183
    Pogonip says:

    @Betsy: It’s called “high tea” because “we’ve been doing hard physical work and it’s high time we had something to eat.”. I guess nowadays that would mean Mexican food would be served.

  184. 184
    p.a. says:

    @Chet: Kraft Foods stockholder.

  185. 185
    Ultraviolet Thunder says:

    @Chet:
    Dude, lighten up. It’s a food thread about salad dressing, not a pitched battle in the culture wars.

  186. 186
    Tehanu says:

    @Chet:
    I grew up on margarine, Miracle Whip, Spam, bologna, white bread, iceberg lettuce, and — my favorite — Velveeta (especially as part of a Spam-and-Velveeta sandwich). I don’t eat any of those things now because I’m not my parents who grew up in the Depression and had to buy cheap because they were raising four kids on a schoolteacher’s salary — except occasionally a little iceberg lettuce because it’s crisp. As a “liberal elitist” I don’t think this makes me better or smarter than the people in “flyover country” — just luckier to be able to eat real food instead of the crap pushed on less affluent people by the giant food industries who are all, whocouldathunk it? rightwingers and Republicans who’d chop up their own grandmothers and use them in stew if they thought they could make a profit from it. Besides, if you really think we’re all sneering at those people, you obviously didn’t actually read the thread. I suggest that next time you want to sound off, you actually know WTF you are talking about.

  187. 187
    Mohagan says:

    I had a propensity for bland, creamy foods when I was growing up and adored Best Foods mayonnaise. I used to mix it with cottage cheese as an afterschool snack (plain cottage cheese was too dry). It’s also my condiment of choice for broccoli. I’ve never had MW, though. I still love mayonnaise, I just try to be a little more reasonable about eating it now. When I first got out of college, I used to buy BF in gallon jars – it was a staple in my refrigerator. So now 40 years later I still have these very nice glass gallon jars for storing staples (rice etc.) in. I don’t see the gallon jars in grocery stores any more and even the quart jars are made of plastic now.

  188. 188
    Ruckus says:

    @Tehanu:
    That was real nice right up to the last sentence.

    Then it got better.

  189. 189
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Chet: There must be a fire somewhere near you that you can die in. Please be on the lookout for one.

    Thanks, and have a great day!

  190. 190
    c u n d gulag says:

    @Chet:
    Well, it took until comment # 182, but as I warned in my first comment, #4:
    “Oh-oh!
    A condiment thread!!!
    This never ends well at LG&M.”

    Now, this condiment thread gets UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Thank the FSM that it’s near the end of the day.

  191. 191
    NobodySpecial says:

    One of my favorite quotes, and I forget where it came from and am too lazy to Google it, describes Miracle Whip as a petroleum product.

  192. 192
    RSA says:

    @Mister Papercut:

    IIRC the book is pretty much the original Gallery of Regrettable Food blog set to paper. Happy reading!

    Holy crap. (Visiting the site, I find that I’ve been there before. Good stuff!)

  193. 193
    Ruckus says:

    @NobodySpecial:
    It may be that, I hear they put the sugar in it to up the octane rating.

  194. 194
    Gravenstone says:

    @Chet: Don’t you have a gun you need to fellate, or something?

  195. 195
    low-tech cyclist says:

    The taste and especially the texture of Miracle Whip are just plain ‘off’ compared to real mayo. Part of it is that they use hardly any eggs in making MW compared to mayo – the label says it’s less than 2% eggs.

    My wife is a MW lover, so we’ve got a jar in the fridge. She also likes Brussels sprouts, which IMHO are only classified as a ‘food’ so that they can legally be used in food fights, where an overcooked Brussels sprout is the perfect long-distance weapon: you can throw the dense little vegetable spheres across the room with deadly accuracy, and they will make a satisfying splat! as they explode on impact with your target.

  196. 196
    Death Panel Truck says:

    @Donut: There are people who absolutely swear that Hellmann’s and Best Foods are different mayos, and that Hellmann’s tastes better. I’ve had both, and there is no difference between them.

    Hellmann’s TV ad, 1950s
    Best Foods TV ad, 1950s

  197. 197
    Paul Gottlieb says:

    Hellman’s versus Miracle Whip is nearly the perfect argument, since the distinction is meaningless and the stakes so small as to be negligible. On the TV Show “America’s Test Kitchen” they had a panel rate two different tuna salads, one made with Hellman’s, one made with Miracle Whip. It turned out the 100% of the people who preferred the salad made with Miracle Whip had been raised in Miracle Whip homes, whereas all the people who preferred the salad made with Hellman’s had been raised in Hellman’s-using homes.

    Charles de Gaulle once described patriotism as “the taste of your mother’s cooking.” He was right.

  198. 198
    kindness says:

    I use Miracle Whip on canned tuna sandwiches. Mom did it that way. Otherwise I use Mayo for anything else I need that type of condiment. I don’t know, it’s sweeter, different flavor.

  199. 199
    AdamK says:

    @Pogonip: There is no disappointment so deep as biting into a delicious-looking deviled egg and finding it ruined with Miracle Whip. That’s not deviled. It’s just not.

  200. 200
    Culture of Truth says:

    I know I’m late to this thread, but I fucking love Miracle Whip

  201. 201
    beergoggles says:

    If it’s not Kewpie Mayo (japanese mayo), it’s just doesn’t taste good. It also makes your mayo vs. miracle whip arguments seem ridiculous.

  202. 202
    Culture of Truth says:

    although I haven’t had it for a long time. More into spicy peppers, chilis, horseradish mustards, asian spices, now…

  203. 203
    James E. Powell says:

    @Death Panel Truck:

    There are people who absolutely swear that Hellmann’s and Best Foods are different mayos

    Similar to the people who insist that Hardee’s is better than Carl’s Jr.

  204. 204
    Bill Arnold says:

    @AliceBlue:
    Some (not all) of James Lilek’s work can be found for free at The Gallery of Regrettable Food
    Browse up; he has other similar commentary, e.g. on 1970’s decor.
    (He went kinda wingnut crazy after 9/11 but it doesn’t show in these galleries.)

  205. 205
    Bill Arnold says:

    @c u n d gulag:

    …sprinkle some Parm or your favorite hard cheese on them…

    I steam b sprouts for about 8-9 minutes (after full boil) and agree about dowsing with a hard cheese like parm.

  206. 206
    priscianus jr says:

    @evap: I know the thread’s dead, but I’ve got to bear witness anyway.

    When I was a kid in Brooklyn, I didn’t know from Miracle Whip. Except, oddly enough, at my grandfather’s house. They called it mayonnaise. I doubt they got it because they liked it, they got it because it was cheap and didn’t notice (or they believed it was namby-pamby to notice) the difference. I thought it was horrible, a great way to ruin tuna fish (which wasn’t tuna fish either, by the way, it was bonito — again, cheaper). I loved tuna, didn’t especially like bonito, but when combined with miracle whip, that was truly awful. Like a number of you have been saying, disgustingly sweet, and right, I didn’t notice it as being spicy. If you want spicy mayo, just mix in a bit of cayenne or sriracha. I was particularly scandalized by their insisting it WAS mayonnaise. It did look like mayonnaise. I can still remember my strong feeling of betrayal.

    By the way, I don’t remember it being called “Miracle Whip” but rather “Kraft Salad Dressing”. Am I wrong or was that how it was labeled in the northeast? (early 1950s).

    I have never bought a jar of MW in my life and intend to keep it that way.

    By the way, Mr Mix, everything you said about how you used to use it kind of makes sense, except for why you preferred it to mayonnaise, which I’m afraid I will never understand.

  207. 207
    JAFD says:

    Unfortunately offline this weekend, but might I still put in a good word for Mrs Schlorer’s Mayonnaise. ‘Tangier’, and not as sweet as Hellman’s or the ‘other national brands’

Comments are closed.