Attention: Subaru and Ad Execs

I have an ad for you. The scene, two bearded and middle-aged Army buddies sitting on a porch seeing each other for the first time in decades, and it is snowing, and they are just shooting the breeze drinking coffee.

Shawn: Been a while.

John: Yup. Too long.

Shawn: Good coffee. Better than what we were used to.

John: No doubt. Were y’all getting a bunch of snow in Maryland?

Shawn: Yeah, it was tough getting here. You know they banned chains on your tires in Maryland?

John: No, why?

Shawn: They tear up the roads so they were banned. Makes a mess for the people who live in the country. Are they banned in West Virginia?

John: Man, I really don’t know and never thought about it. I drive a Subaru.

I will sell you that commercial for two brand new fully loaded Subaru vehicles of our choices. And it would work.

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60 replies
  1. 1
    Chickamin Slam says:

    Did you ever get your old Subaru out of the field?

  2. 2
    MikeJ says:

    “If you’ve got God, you’ve got a friend, and that friend is you. ”

    That’s the god bothering statement I can go along with.,

  3. 3
    Xantar says:

    Already have a Subaru, thanks. Been looking around Baltimore wondering what all the fuss is about.

  4. 4
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Do you actually drive Subie or do you own a Subie sculpture in some dude’s field?

  5. 5
    srv says:

    This should be a whole series of commercials. You could call it Subaru Unchained.

    (void where prohibited and does not apply to vehicles left if farmer’s fields in West Virginia)

  6. 6
    Poopyman says:

    Now, we may have been around here long enough not to be put off by two middle-aged guys sitting on a porch drinking coffee IN A SNOWSTORM, but ad execs may have second thoughts.

  7. 7
    Alison says:

    With Steve walking through the scene partway through.

  8. 8
    NotMax says:

    Of course, it would have to be glammed up, with a long pan at the end tightening in on the car, moving around to the back where the ‘Just Married’ sign is still affixed.

  9. 9
    Cacti says:

    I now live in a world where Matthew McConaughey has an academy award for best actor.

    Why God? Why?

  10. 10
    muddy says:

    And you think this should replace the delightful Subaru commercials with the dog drivers? I dunno, they are pretty cute.

  11. 11
    Mnemosyne says:

    I freely admit, one of the things that got me to buy a Subaru was their ad campaign, especially this one.

  12. 12
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Cacti: Did you see the movie?

  13. 13
    ruemara says:

    Well goddammit, can I get one of those Subarus? I’ll even handle the edits. I need a better car/mobile living area. It’s actually not a bad script, but I think it needs more pizzaz.

  14. 14
    CaseyL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Relax, kids: it’s a car to drive and a form of post-kinetic shock sculpture sitting in some dude’s field.

    (IIRC, Our Host had picked out a replacement car, and I think it was a Subaru.)

  15. 15
    muddy says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Subaru: Outstanding in the field.

  16. 16
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Cacti:

    Because he took a few years off, got his head together, and decided he wanted to actually act and not just show up in crappy romantic comedies.

    Seriously, see True Detective. I was skeptical, but holy shit, he really can act when he puts his mind to it.

    (Which is why Colin Farrell made me angry in Saving Mr. Banks — goddamn it, that fucker can act when he feels like it!)

  17. 17
    Cacti says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Did you see the movie?

    It was quite a stretch for him to play a character with a Texas accent.

  18. 18
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @CaseyL: I remember him wanting someone to go pick out a Subie for him. I just didn’t know it it had happened yet or if gluten free cooking had taken all of Cole’s attention.

  19. 19
    Keith G says:

    @Cacti: Oh thank god. For a bit I thought you were serious, but I see you are just trolling.

  20. 20
    Cacti says:

    In utterly unsurprising news, the neocon editorial page of the WaPo condemns Obama for not rekindling the Cold War prior to Crimea, or trying to provoke World War III.

  21. 21
    Violet says:

    @Cacti: Because the Academy voters voted for him.

  22. 22
    danielx says:

    I’ve had many such Subaru moments this past winter, although the Outback in question is the spousal unit’s ride. Great car, barring the 2700 for the water pump/timing belt/upper end redo, the 350 for the power steering pump, the 300 for the rear wheel bearing….what am I leaving out, I’m sure there’s something? New brakes all around, too. All in the last nine months.

    But now it runs like a charm, and so it should.

  23. 23
    NotMax says:

    Brrr.

    Cold (for here) steady rain for 12 hours now.

    Heating up some chicken soup and wild rice for din-din.

  24. 24
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Cacti: wait. The editorial board? Or the columnists?

  25. 25
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Suffern ACE: Both. Some posted an editorial by the board in an earlier thread, and I noticed the titles of the columns by the idiots the Post employs. Come on, what do you think Jen Rubin (not the one from the futon movie) is going to say?

  26. 26
    John Cole says:

    @Cacti: If that really upsets you, you have clearly not seen True Detective, The Dallas Buyer’s Club, or Mud. No one has grown more than Matthew M. in the past few decades. Hell, watch True Detective and the movie they both starred in a few years ago (the name escapes me at the moment), and watch how they have both grown.

    He is a great actor.

  27. 27
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @John Cole: It seems that he made enough money that off his RomCom career that he decided that he can afford to do good work without thought of pay.

  28. 28
    Suzanne says:

    I haven’t seen Dallas Buyers Club yet, but I like McCona-HAAAAAY. But Jordan Catalano has an Oscar, and fourteen-year-old me is pretty excited about that.

  29. 29
    Mary G says:

    @John Cole: HBM and I both have Subaru Foresters; they rock!

    And completely agree about Matthew Mc. I thought he was just a pretty face when he was doing horrible rom-coms, but he deserves that Oscar.

    Just finished watching True Detective here on the left coast and could not believe it was over already, it seemed like no more than 20 minutes had gone by. So sad they will only have one more episode.

    Does anyone know who sang the song at the end?

  30. 30
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: yeah. But I think our hawks have lost their minds. When do we start the grain embargoes and cancel our participation in the Olympics?

  31. 31
    Suffern ACE says:

    @Suffern ACE: I mean, seriously, Russia invades the Crimea to defend ethnic Russians preemptively (ahem, no actual Russians in the Crimea have been hurt in the making of this crisis, have they?), so let’s condemn the US for not responding years ago?

  32. 32
    Hal says:

    Really NYT? Pointing out some diversity in this years Oscars is fine, but was it really necessary to describe Ellen this way?

    Diversity was a leading motif for ceremony that was hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, a happy-go-lucky lesbian who spent most of the evening in a tuxedo…

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03.....rs.html?hp

  33. 33
    MikeJ says:

    I am still pissed of that Happy didn’t win the best song thingie. If you listen to that song and don’t become happy there is something wrong with you. It’s like a guy singing a song from Janelle Monáe’s ArchAndroid, and that whole album always makes me happy. Even if I’m trying veryveryvery hard not to be happy.

  34. 34
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Hal:

    I think the only joke where she referenced her sexuality was the joke about Jonah Hill’s nude scene. Other than that, yeah, not really much to justify that.

    @MikeJ:

    You obviously do not have any children under the age of 10. Trust me, every kid (boys AND girls) knows “Let It Go” by heart right now.

    Plus it means I get free champagne at work tomorrow morning to celebrate the double win. Whee! ;-)

  35. 35
    Jordan Rules says:

    @MikeJ: Agreed. I love that he put that song out in the world. At a vendor bar outing on Saturday, it came on and the place lit up. Smiles and dancing all around.

  36. 36
    Alison says:

    @Mnemosyne: And also…I get that they said it because of talking about “diversity” but who the fuck doesn’t know Ellen is gay? If you just include the fact that the show was hosted by Ellen as part of your exploration of the show’s diversity, people will get it. No one’s gonna write in and ask why.

  37. 37
    Yatsuno says:

    @Mnemosyne: Not to mention Robert Lopez is now the first (and also the youngest) Filipino to win the EGOT. I think he’s the first Filipino to win an Oscar too, but not sure on that.

  38. 38
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Alison:

    I did like that it was diverse, but not in that stupid And now we’ll have the black actors talk about the black films way that sometimes happens. I’m pretty sure a white actor (actress?) was the one who introduced the clips that included 12 Years A Slave, and the black actors introduced the “normal” movies.

  39. 39
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Yatsuno:

    I wondered but I wasn’t sure he was Filipino. I have a couple of co-workers who are going to be extra excited about the win tomorrow.

    Is he also the youngest person to get the EGOT, or was someone younger? I guess I should Google it.

    ETA: It only took him 10 years where it took most of the other winners 15+, so I’m guessing he may be the youngest person to complete his EGOT.

  40. 40
    Alison says:

    @Mnemosyne: In the dorky 6-year-old section of my brain, I wanna call it TEGO so then if someone picks up one of the awards you can say HEY LEGGO MY TEGO.

    Sorry, it’s late, I’m tired and emotionally drained and that’s all I’ve got.

  41. 41
    Ian says:

    And Mr McConaghue, what is that transvestite donkey witch standing next to you?

  42. 42
    NotMax says:

    @Alison

    How about “getting their GOTE?”

  43. 43
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Ian:

    Are you referring to Jennifer Lawrence, Camila McConaughey, or McConaughey’s mother?

    ETA: If it’s Camila, I don’t think too many people put the words “former Brazilian supermodel” and “transvestite donkey witch” together, but I guess tastes vary.

  44. 44
    Ian says:

    @Mnemosyne:
    South Park :P
    and FYWP for the double comment

  45. 45
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Ian:

    Yes, but who were they referring to? I honestly have no idea. Kate Hudson?

  46. 46
    SectarianSofa says:

    Microsoft will triumph!

    Mark Penn is gonna turn this thing around, ’cause he’s a winner : http://www.sfgate.com/business.....283374.php

  47. 47
    Ian says:

    @Mnemosyne:
    Sarah Jessica Parker

  48. 48
    Calouste says:

    Re Oscars, if you have the chance to see The Great Beauty, the winner of the Foreign Film Oscar, go see it, it’s a gorgeous movie.

  49. 49
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Ian:

    Yeah. Honestly, I realize SJP isn’t a great beauty, but I’m always uncomfortable with the bashing she gets, because I can hear the hidden message even if the people saying it aren’t saying it consciously: too Jewish.

  50. 50
    Suffern ACE says:

    @SectarianSofa: we’re gonna turn this company around by looking for ways to win back the white male software users.

  51. 51
    Montarvillois says:

    Here’s an idea, snow tires.

  52. 52
    greennotGreen says:

    @Mnemosyne: I didn’t know SJP was Jewish, and I don’t believe “Jewish” is a synonym for “homely.” Being homely isn’t a crime, except she models.

  53. 53
    greennotGreen says:

    Comforting to read John’s comment about Subaru since here in Nashville we are supposed to be developing snow on top of ice at rush hour, and I have a Forester.

  54. 54
    Ian says:

    @Mnemosyne:
    I also havn’t seen Dallas Buyers Club, and wasn’t trying to reference that. reading more about the Oscars i realize my comment was offensive in that context. I was going for a SP reference and not going for a dig on him for that movie

  55. 55
    GHayduke (formerly lojasmo) says:

    The subaru I picked up last summer is a 1996, and has no ASR or ESP or any of those other anti-yaw nannies. I get the ass-end all over the road, even with GREAT snow tires. I’ll NEVER get stuck, but it’s very unstable on ice. Also, the ABS is malfunctioning (read does not work at all) so stopping can be an issue.

    Thinking about getting a newer one, but to get one with significantly better softwear will run five figures, which would put me in used Boxter teratory.

    I think I’ll drive out west and get a Porche this summer.

  56. 56
    Tommy says:

    Hey John I hope you see this. I am an ad guy. Read more books on advertising then I care to admit. Most of them pretty much suck. IMHO (and the opinion of many) the best book on advertising ever written was about agencies pitching an account. Winning the account. And what happened in the development of the campaign.

    That book is Where the Suckers Moon: The Life and Death of an Advertising Campaign. Here is the little blurb from Amazon:

    Rothenberg chronicles the brief, turbulent marriage between a recession-plagued auto company and an aggressively hip ad agency (whose creative director despised cars), capturing both the ad world’s tantalizing gossip and the broader significance of its creations. “Simply the best book about advertising I have ever read.”–Neil Postman (Technopoly).

    The author, a reporter, was literally giving 24/7 access to both the client (Subaru) and the ad agency (Weiden and Kennedy). He saw everything, you know how the sausage was made.

    Even though the campaign and all this took place almost 20 years ago, well you should read it. They kind of told Subaru to do what you suggested in your little ad, and the client wouldn’t listen. Subaru wanted to be Ford, sell millions and millions of cars. Weiden and Kennedy said you can make a shit load of money just selling to some hippie liberals that live in Maryland, Colorado, Calfornia, Vermont, that might live on a farm or like to head out on the weekends to mountain bike and hike (I mean they were the only company making every car all wheel drive at the time).

    Subaru didn’t listen and the campaign was an epic fail. It is an amazing, amazing read.

  57. 57
    Mnemosyne says:

    @greennotGreen:

    I didn’t know SJP was Jewish, and I don’t believe “Jewish” is a synonym for “homely.” Being homely isn’t a crime, except she models.

    She’s a famous actress. What’s she supposed to do when Revlon and L’Oreal come calling, turn them down because she’s too “homely”?

    The features that SJP gets most criticized about — particularly her nose — are her most stereotypically “Jewish” ones. That’s why it makes me a little uncomfortable to see how detailed some people get with their criticisms of her appearance.

    And that’s without going into the notion that only women who fit society’s current standard of perfectly beautiful should be models in advertising.

  58. 58
    StringOnAStick says:

    @Tommy: As a hippie liberal Coloradoan who owns a Subaru (3rd one), in spite of their ad failure 20 years ago their brand is basically the State Car here; we got our first one over 20 years ago. People from other states notice their dominance when they visit, and I notice when I go to other states how there is a strange shortage of Subies.

    Put a set of good snow tires on a recent(ish) vintage Outback and you are good to go in all but the worst in this zip code. We are up on snowy back roads every weekend here and I never worry. We’ve only got it stuck once, in a foot of snow and after we’d taken the snow tires off for the year; we dug it out, went for 5 hours of late spring powder skiing in the back country, and never worried that we’d be stuck again on the way out. I can’t see us ever buying any other brand of car for our ‘snow/ski machine’. The low center of gravity makes it much, much better on snow and ice than a typical SUV (which are what we see in the ditch on snowy drives up to ski country, plus pick up trucks).

  59. 59
    ally says:

    @Cacti:

    For starters, you could watch “Mud,” “Bernie” and “The Lincoln Lawyer.”

  60. 60
    blueskies says:

    @Mnemosyne: Meh. Her mom’s not Jewish but her dad is (was?). She wasn’t raised in the Jewish religion or customs (according to the Wikipedia thang), but identifies with that ethnicity. She doesn’t look particularly Jewish to me, including her nose, and while no supermodel, I don’t think she’s ugly. But each to his or her own. I question whether a particularly large percentage of those calling her “horse-faced” mean anything beyond her having a longish, narrow face.

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