I am feeling the most mellow and relaxed I’ve been in months. I’m seriously melting into the chair as I drink tea, and I’ve spent the last few hours just relaxing and petting the animals.
UNTIL THE GREEN FOG OF DOOM WAFTED FROM STEVE’S ROOM INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND DAMNED NEAR KILLED EVERYONE.
Seriously, before Stephen Hawkings shuffles off the mortal coil, I hope he can explain how Steve can turn a couple ounces of what I think is pretty good wet food into FIVE FUCKING POUNDS OF SHIT PACKED WITH MUSTARD GAS? How the fuck does he do it? How does this happen? Why does this happen? I know you all have all linked all the stories about cats being dicks and that they don’t actually love me, but with this kind of fraud going, you think there would be at least some sort of evolution towards less stinky shit so these cunning freeloading asshole cats could further ingratiate themselves to us. Like that is even necessary.
Should I start feeding him a couple ounces of gold bullion and then smelt his excrement for a 30x gain in precious metals? I mean, that is how it works, right? Whatever goes in comes out thirty fold accompanied by a noxious gas, right?
Also, I don’t remember the last time someone mentioned a blog post and not only did I read it, but I lost four hours reading everything in the archives, but this website is one of them. This guy is fucking great and writes with a clarity and warm descriptiveness that makes you, the reader, feel like you are inside his head, experiencing the same emotions. Read this description of the loss of his beloved cat Banana, and then say goodbye to a couple hours as you read everything he has ever written.
And it is totally ok to cry.