Drunk at Noon

I’m on vacation in an undisclosed third world country, and I’m conquering my liberal guilt over the divide between rich and poor here by drinking. Imagine a hispanic, male Peggy Noonan with gin instead of vodka, and, after the nausea passes, you’ll have me pegged.

So, let’s talk guilt. If you accept that the world is a vampire, then America is the Eric Northman or Bill Compton of that fucked-up analogy. Those of us with souls–which leaves out people who think that the way to keep up attendance at the ballet or opera is to imprison any person of color caught with a joint–at times ponder the fate and justice of those who we push into the muck on our ascent to the exalted position of top turd on this shitpile. When we think of the vast majority of the world whose annual income is far exceeded by, say, my bar tab, many of us come up with some reason why we’re here and not packaging happy meal toys in a factory outside Shenzen.

At this point, and maybe it’s just the gin talking, I’d say that a lot of our political discussion is dominated by one group fixated on rationalizing and justifying our position in the world. The group that requires the most fervent and heartfelt rationalizations forms the current rump of the Republican party. And, really, there’s no rationalization, reason or rhyme why my major concern at the moment is a spotty WiFi connection rather than how I’m going to pay for my next meal. So any attempt to attach your position in the world to some ideology is going to end up being even more senseless than my Tom Collins-inspired blithering on a blog containing umpteen dozen pictures of a Maine Coon and the writings of an imaginary (though hilarious) 90-year-old woman.

105 replies
  1. 1
    henqiguai says:

    Rick’s American Cafe; that gin joint in Morocco?

  2. 2
    Baud says:

    Nope. Still more coherent than Noonan.

  3. 3
    Ben Franklin says:

    A lot of drinking metaphors, or are they? Cole?

  4. 4
    Ruckus says:

    Like that takes any effort.

  5. 5
    aimai says:

    I am somewhat comforted, when I become numb with the pain, in thinking that humans are, basically, no more clearly able to affect their surroundings than plankton, or than the tiny creatures inside coral reefs. We basically are born, try to form little walls to hide in, feed, execrete, and spawn within very small limitations. After thousands and millions of years of living this way, and dying, we leave behind towering cliffs of coral and trash. I’m not saying that because I think we don’t have a duty to humanity to do more than merely that–we do. But if you think that individual or even group action by a bunch of coral creatures will fundamentally shift the formation of coral reefs, you are crazy. You have to do what you do without hoping to save the world. Act without passion and without thought of reward. And that includes rejecting the self indulgence of despair.

  6. 6
    R-Jud says:

    after the nausea passes, you’ll have me pegged

    I’d really rather not.

  7. 7
    Cassidy says:

    I’ve always thought your blitherings were more Boboesque, but carry on.

  8. 8
    Ahh says fywp says:

    Did those Norman Romney toffs actually name a girl Kieran?

    Imma get real ignorant real quick.

    Leave our names alone, sassenach demon spawn! Ye took bloody well everything else!

  9. 9
    Citizen_X says:

    many of us come up with some reason why we’re here and not packaging happy meal toys in a factory outside Shenzen

    I’ll go with “blind fucking luck.”

    Wait, no, I mean “religion.” Er, “Faith!” That’s the right answer, isn’t it?

  10. 10
    Ahh says fywp says:

    @aimai: Ugh. My motto for mental health is look forward, not back. Sunk costs fallacy is a serial killer. And there are no should s. Only try & see if that works, pace Yoda.

  11. 11
    ruemara says:

    Ummm, ok. Enjoy your vacation!

  12. 12
    Dave says:

    Wait…DougJ is an imaginary 90-year-old woman?

  13. 13
    Schlemizel says:


    Come on! You’re a lib, pegging is required, right?

    For myself, I have been struggling recently anyway. I just can’t bring myself to care any more. I think the masters have “won” and America is really going to be a third world country that crumbles around us & is either enslaved or subject to a violent revolution that does not end well for anyone. But that does not matter because the masters have also “won” the climate change debate & humans have very little time left on this earth. I seriously doubt anything we can do will substantially impact the outcome of these two trends.

    I want to care, I have grandkids that will be alive when it all really goes down. I feel like the saxophone player on the Titanic; I’ll just keep playing “Nearer My God To Thee” so nobody panics.

  14. 14
    Baud says:

    why we’re here and not packaging happy meal toys in a factory outside Shenzen.

    You know, they put guards on the walls to keep young women out.

  15. 15
    Botsplainer says:

    Gin tastes like ass. If all I had to drink was gin, I’d face life sober.

  16. 16
    scav says:

    @aimai: Self-indulgence in things akin to guilt, like chocolate and very strong coffee, is fine in small doses and can be energizing afterwards. The perfect are so dull, so rare and so very often unreflective and dangerous. Self-indulgence in other things (“But it’s only a small, teeny little country to invade with bombs and I can stop after just one!”) can indeed be more of a problem.

  17. 17
    raven says:

    @Botsplainer: It’s better than you think.

  18. 18
    cokane says:

    what country bro?

  19. 19
    Cassidy says:

    @Botsplainer: Just got to get the right mixer.

  20. 20
    different-church-lady says:

    @Schlemizel: [throws water in your face] SNAP OUT OF IT!!!

  21. 21
  22. 22
    Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader says:

    Please tell me it’s summer wherever you are. The Tom Collins is not a winter cocktail.

  23. 23
    different-church-lady says:

    @Cassidy: Or the right gin.

  24. 24
    Cassidy says:

    @different-church-lady: I’m assuming that no one buys clear liquors off the bottom two shelves.

  25. 25
    different-church-lady says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead, Thought Leader: It’s never winter in any countries that get described as “third world”.

  26. 26

    @Botsplainer: I have to disagree, there is nothing better than gin and lime or good martini or gin and tonic. Try a gin made in Britain, like Bombay Sapphire or Beefeaters.

  27. 27
    Suffern ACE says:

    Goodness. Have you thought about the staycation as an alternative if going away to new surroundings leads you into depressing self reflections?

  28. 28
    different-church-lady says:

    @Cassidy: Bad assumption, especially when it comes to bottles that get gifted to my friends and I at our parties. Usually by the folks we’re meeting for the first time, who have yet to be ‘indoctrinated’ into our ways.

  29. 29
    scav says:

    @Schlemizel: Play “Nearer My God To Thee” to calm my panic and I’ll beat the water in your personal end-times sweepstakes. That might indeed prove calming and, given the circs, would likely be a necessarily one-time self indulgence. There’s indeed better gin out there, so all is not lost. Had a sagebrushy one once . . . .

  30. 30
    Schlemizel says:


    I think you need that line up from “AIRPLANE!” to get the job done.

  31. 31
    different-church-lady says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Or perhaps London gin is not one’s cup of tea, and one should try Genever or Old Tom.

  32. 32
    raven says:

    Paul Butterfield – Drunk Again

    My woman says it’s a dog gone shame the way some men bring their wives money and furs and jewelry and I come home, ain’t got a dime and smellin’ like a brewery.
    I’m drunk again, I’ve been been drinkin’ Gordons gin.

    Elvin kills it but his solo could be longer.

  33. 33
    Schlemizel says:


    I used to agree with you but then I had well made gin&tonic – it needs a squeeze of lime & a dash of bitters to balance out the juniper flavor. Although I had one made with ‘Sapphire’ and ass would have been an upgrade.

  34. 34
    different-church-lady says:

    @Schlemizel: I just want to tell you good luck. We’re all counting on you.

  35. 35
    Schlemizel says:


    Not really – one of the problems is nobody is panicking because they think this ship is unsinkable. The band is irrelevant at this moment.

  36. 36
    raven says:

    OK, the Bolts have no chance, right?

  37. 37
  38. 38
  39. 39
    Yatsuno says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Gin and grape juice is nummy.

  40. 40
  41. 41
    Cervantes says:

    If you’re in a philosophical mood on that beach, I’d suggest ignoring la Noonan and the Republicans entirely and instead reading Death & the Afterlife, Sam Scheffler, ed.

  42. 42
    Baud says:


    Any given Sunday…

  43. 43
    Botsplainer says:

    @🎉 Martin:

    Buy better gin.

    I tried that years ago. Wife was a Collins fan, and I went through every premium gin label in an effort to be able to share it.

    No luck.

    Even now, when she has premium signature cocktails with a gin base and gives me a taste, it just doesn’t taste right.

    I’m a premium rum and whiskey guy. She appreciates rum like me, but can’t abide whiskey, so when we drink matching cocktails, we have rum.

  44. 44
    Schlemizel says:


    Something about the arc of the moral universe always bending toward justice – its a shame it bends so slowly

  45. 45
    GregB says:


    The History Channel informs me that we’ll be struck by a giant meteor before the shit goes down.

    Relax and have some gin.

    Besides the aliens will reactivate their ancient Sumerian nuke plants and save us all.

  46. 46
    MattF says:

    The Great Chain of Need goes from the mud to the heavens (or so they say) and never ends– those packagers of happy meal toys believe that what you’ve got is what they want. There’s also a Principle of Needy Plenitude– between any two needs you can find a third– so it’s always possible to feel guilty in a way that’s a little different from anyone else…

  47. 47
    raven says:

    @Schlemizel: At least he got something.
    eta I have a good friend who is a Newyorican. He wanted nothing more than to be a Marine. He joined in the early 60’s and, in boot camp, a DI called him a n*gger. He completed his tour but he was never the same and they will never be able to make it right.

  48. 48

    @Cassidy: Bending over is hard. I usually hit the end caps for clearance items.

  49. 49
    w3ski says:

    Having been a Big fan of Gin, I can understand every word and point you have made. However, yes “the gin was talking”. It’s funny how it gives us the power to speak volumes.

  50. 50
    JPL says:

    @raven: Normally I skip the oped NY Times but the headline piqued my curiosity and I read it earlier. What I don’t understand is how Bruni can support a party that is openly homophobic?

  51. 51
    Cassidy says:

    @different-church-lady: Probably. It is hard to find that right balance between tasty and rubbing alcohol for gin drinks.

  52. 52
    raven says:

    @JPL: Self hating . . .?

  53. 53
    cmorenc says:


    Imagine a hispanic, male Peggy Noonan with gin instead of vodka, and, after the nausea passes, you’ll have me pegged.

    AAGH! I need brain bleach to wipe the image of an inebriated hispanic, male Peggy Noonan from my mind.

  54. 54
    MomSense says:

    I’m at this place where I think the best strategy is that of our 90 year old imaginary front pager. She is fun. There is way too much cynicism and just pure evil in our politics. Ever listen to the fright wingers? They are always so angry. I have never heard them sound happy, ever – not even when they get their own way. And the left is way too angry most of the time and I include myself in this.
    I think there are more not evil people than there are evil people but because politics is so cut throat and angry, most people tune out.

  55. 55
    Anybodybuther2016 says:

    the way to keep up attendance at the ballet or opera is to imprison any person of color caught with a joint–

    what the are you talking about? That’s a link to bobo’s shitty column. Are people of color being arrested? When? Where?

  56. 56
    NobodySpecial says:

    If you have to mix it to make it palatable, it isn’t worth drinking.

  57. 57
    Schlemizel says:


    There was a thing here a year or so ago where Al Franken managed to shake lose a Silver Star denied a WWII vet largely because he was black. He died before the medal ceremony though. It was nice for the family I guess but he knew his whole life he had earned it and was not given the honor he deserved. Maybe in life that is a small thing over time but it has to hurt and finally being told it was wrong has to cause a different kind of pain.

    I’m glad it got done while he could still receive it.

  58. 58
    MeDrewNotYou says:

    @Schlemizel: I’m late to the party, but this and what @aimai: said is exactly it. I have no realistic hope for the future, so I think you just do the best you can, like aimai said, and try to make your corner of the world and the people around you better. But don’t expect everything to work out in the end.

    Also too:

    Imagine a hispanic, male Peggy Noonan with gin instead of vodka, and, after the nausea passes, you’ll have me pegged.

    Mistermix is hispanic? Didn’t know that. Cool. I thought everybody except Anne and Betty were just middle aged white dudes.

  59. 59
  60. 60
    Baud says:


    I agree. Angry people are infuriating.

  61. 61
    Schlemizel says:


    Once they lose the goopers flip & try to pretend they were OK with you people all along. “You do know it was the Democrats that were the party of slavery, right?”

    They are on the verge of accepting gays and of course the Paultards want legal dope so they will be claiming that soon too.

  62. 62
    raven says:

    Bolts on fire!

  63. 63
    Schlemizel says:


    On the Internet nobody knows you’re a dog!

  64. 64
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Why should I accept that the world is a vampire?

  65. 65
    MeDrewNotYou says:

    @raven: They’re looking okay, but nothing will match what my Colts did last night. I was physically and mentally exhausted after that game. Anything else just gets a ‘meh’ from me.

    @Schlemizel: You mean that sexy model I…chatted with might not be all she said?!?!

  66. 66
    Baud says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Because despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.

  67. 67
    Cassidy says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Billy Corgan said so.

  68. 68
    Schlemizel says:

    Finland scored 28 seconds in & Sweden has been pressing since. This is the fastest game I have ever seen – the way the game should be played. Not a goon in sight, beautiful passing, great shooting and physical defense all at 120 MPH.

  69. 69
    Baud says:


    Hard to top that.

  70. 70
    cmorenc says:


    of course the Paultards want legal dope so they will be claiming that soon too.

    That’s one bit of hypocritical transformation by the GOP mainstream we could all applaud if and when it comes, and it couldn’t come a moment too soon. If they sweep along some of the too-many still retrograde democrats along with them, for once I say more power to ’em.

  71. 71
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Cassidy: Billy Corgan says a lot of stuff – most of it crap.

    Andy Partridge posits a biscuit shaped world. I don’t buy that one either.

  72. 72
    indycat32 says:

    On my 21st birthday I got drunk on gin. 40+ years later still can’t stand the smell of it. And why does channel 8 keep breaking in to tell me it’s snowing?

  73. 73
    Corner Stone says:


    You mean that sexy model I…chatted with might not be all she said?!?!


  74. 74
    Cassidy says:

    Some of you people are fucking depressing.

  75. 75
    different-church-lady says:


    I think the best strategy is that of our 90 year old imaginary front pager. She is fun.

    It’s far easier to be fun when you don’t have things like reality cluttering up the joint.

  76. 76
    different-church-lady says:

    @Cassidy: Just some of us? We need to try harder.

  77. 77
    Cassidy says:

    @different-church-lady: Try harder to what? End up slitting your wrists in the bathtub? OTOH, if people mope enough I’ll get it the mood to listen to the Cure, and that’s not a bad tradeoff.

  78. 78
    kindness says:

    @Botsplainer: ‘Tastes like ass’.

    Yea, no. Gin tastes like juniper berries and what ever herbs they throw in the batch. I’m not a martini guy but I do like me some Tanquery & tonic. Boodles/Saphire will do in a pinch. But it’s a warm weather drink, not a cold weather drink.

    When we were out watching stuff a night in Tahoe on NYE we were drinking spiced rum (the Kirkland stuff which was actually really good). Now that matched the cold really well.

    As far as Noonan goes I prefer overt mocking. Looking for sense is a fools errand.

    Go Niners!

  79. 79
    different-church-lady says:

    @Cassidy: I never wanted this. I never wanted any of this. I wish you were dead. I wish you were deaaaaeaaaaad….

  80. 80
    MomSense says:


    Reality does have a liberal bias as opposed to Sarah P&T.

  81. 81
    max says:

    I diagnose winter doldrums.

    I prescribe less drinking and more dancing.

    The Cure – Hot Hot Hot

    [‘I mean, really, man. Come summer it’ll all be ‘SHUT UP! OBAMA GRETEST PREZNIT 4EVER.”]

  82. 82
    Belafon says:

    It’s always a fight, we don’t always win, but considering that we elected a minority to the office of President, gay marriage is becoming legal in more and more states, the mayor of Seattle is going to raise the minimum wage of city workers, and other things, now is not the time to let the gin talk. Republicans are going down, they know it, and they’ll take everything down with them unless we prevent it.

  83. 83
    rikyrah says:

    The scourge of the ‘wingnut hole’
    01/03/14 12:59 PM
    By Steve Benen

    We have a reasonably good sense of how many Americans have enrolled in the health care system in recent months, signing up for coverage made available through the Affordable Care Act. For a more ambitious tally, Josh Marshall includes exchanges, Medicaid, young adults staying on their family plans, and those who were able to bypass exchanges to buy ACA-compliant policies directly from insurance carriers, for a grand total of about 10 million.

    But every time these numbers are culled, it’s worth remembering that the coverage totals would be far greater were it not for “red” states refusing to accept Medicaid expansion.

    The original plan, you’ll recall, was to simply mandate the greater access. The U.S. Supreme Court, however, said states must have a choice as to whether or not to accept the good deal. Most Republican-led states, naturally, rejected the policy, leaving millions behind for no particular reason.

    But how many million? The Associated Press published a report this week with a striking figure.

    About 5 million people will be without health care next year that they would have gotten simply if they lived somewhere else in America.

    They make up a coverage gap in President Barack Obama’s signature health care law created by the domino effects of last year’s Supreme Court ruling and states’ subsequent policy decisions.

    This coverage gap clearly needs a name. Ed Kilgore started calling it the “wingnut hole” months ago, and it’s certainly a descriptive phrase. Ryan Cooper added the other day:

    It’s worth remembering that the federal government will pay 100 percent of the cost of the Medicaid expansion through 2016 and 90 percent of the cost afterward. It could very well work out that refusenik states will not even save money because of additional spending on the uninsured in emergency rooms and elsewhere.

    But regardless of the pitiful sums involved, make no mistake: This action is utterly gratuitous.


  84. 84
    Corner Stone says:


  85. 85
    Yatsuno says:

    @Belafon: I’m thinking the West is going to be the leader for a lot of progressive causes going into the future. Although the Republicans are in charge of the Senate in Washington right now, that’s based on a couple of defecting Democrats who will get primaried and most likely bounced out next election. As soon as California goes single payer (I give it three years) that ballgame is pretty much done there because WA and OR will fall in line next for that. It might just heighten the divisions further, but the fact is the wingnuts have pretty much lost in the Pacific coast area. Yay Socialist Republic of Seattle!

    And in today’s HOOCODANODE??

  86. 86
    rikyrah says:

    This just cracked me up….but, what if someone had actually answered the phone? Would YOU have believed it if they said, ‘it’s the Pope’..even if they are nuns.


    Pope To Nuns: Why Aren’t You Answering The Phone? ASSOCIATED PRESS – JANUARY 4, 2014, 9:41 AM EST

    VATICAN CITY (AP) — Pope Francis has made another one of his cold calls to wish a group of nuns in a Spanish convent Happy New Year. Only he got their answering machine, instead.

    “What are the nuns doing that they can’t answer the phone?” Francis asked in the message he left, the recording of which was obtained by Spain’s El Mundo newspaper and broadcast on Italian media Saturday.

    “This is Pope Francis. I wanted to offer you greetings for the end of the year. Maybe I’ll try to call again later. May God bless you,” he said.

    Francis has made a habit out of calling people out of the blue, often checking in with ordinary folk who have written him about their hardships. He places the calls himself, as evidenced by the message.


  87. 87
    Smiling Mortician says:

    @Anybodybuther2016: Um, everywhere? All the time?

  88. 88
    J R in WV says:


    Sarah is a fiction? That can’t be, can it?

    My world view is shattered…

  89. 89
    PIGL says:

    @Cassidy: You don’t even qualify as a troll…..you’re just a miserable piece of work. Why stick around here an inflict yourself on everyone? Are there are no wells to drown in? No 10th floor windows from out of which to be flung?

  90. 90
    Chris says:

    At this point, and maybe it’s just the gin talking, I’d say that a lot of our political discussion is dominated by one group fixated on rationalizing and justifying our position in the world.

    Yeah, and it gets quite a bit of traction among regular voters raised on flag-and-apple-pie support-the-troops nonsense who’ll melt into tears if you try to question the inherent goodness of America… which is why I so rarely get into IR discussions outside of a certain group of people; so much time has to be spent placating and tiptoeing around hurt fee-fees that it’s a waste.

    Even with something as unpopular and criminal as the Iraq War, since the public turned against it the discussion was mostly dominated by 1) the notion that the Iraqis weren’t “grateful” enough to us and needed to get some “skin in the game” (a talking point that was pretty much bipartisan) and 2) after Obama’s election, the “apology” he supposedly issued for the war and the white-hot fury about how it shows he doesn’t love America enough.

    When you look at the sheer scale and depth of destruction that was caused by the Iraq War and compare that with the things our national discourse chooses to care about…

  91. 91
    Chris says:


    Does the “climate change” debate in fact mean that humans have very little time left on the Earth? I was under the impression that it was supposed to mean wreaking the mother of all havocs on the environment, ruining lots and lots of lives, but not the end of the human race – just that life would get a lot shittier. (Insert favorite sci-fi futuristic dystopia here…)

  92. 92
    Biff Longbotham says:

    Borrowing from an old commercial, “When the gin talks, people listen.”

    It’s OK to not be too terribly wracked by guilt when you compare your bar tab to average annual incomes. Where the right wing and I (and mixmaster, and most reading this blog) part company is the “I got mine, fuck you.” mentality they have.

  93. 93
    Cassidy says:

    @PIGL: Awwww, you purity bitches are so adorable. I have an idea. Why don’t you go find that 10th story window, throw your whiny little ass out of it, and then let me know if it’s high enough. I’ll *eagerly await your report.

    *Not really, but if just one of you suburban liberal piles of shit stops wasting oxygen, then I call it a win.

  94. 94
    rikyrah says:

    Downton Abbey returns tonight!!

  95. 95
    Ben Franklin says:


    I dunno. derpChurchladdy certainly approaches trollop status

  96. 96
    Schlemizel says:


    Its possible that some humans will remain but society will not. There will be no art or science, only hunter-gatherers always walking the edge of starvation and horrific infections/diseases.

    That will come after war, starvation, plague and super storms eliminate large swaths of humanity. It is more likely that isolated tribes from Central America or Polynesia will come through the extinction event than anyone else. There will be hundreds of nuclear power plants deteriorating and other toxic heaps waiting to leak if not explode into the atmosphere and none of that is going to make it easier.

  97. 97
    Ben Franklin says:


    Is it advanced years that makes us pessimistic? Are we any less narcissistic than millenials? Are we the delusional ones?

  98. 98
    pluky says:

    @Botsplainer: Try good gin sometime, you might be surprised.

  99. 99
    pluky says:

    @Chris: Depends how far we push up the CO2 load in the atmosphere before our civilization collapses, and we are forced to stop. Worst case scenario I’m aware of is ocean acidification and/or sea temperature rise suffice to cause a massive phytoplankton die-off. The historical record on the sequelea of such implies a 90%+ global extinction event, almost certainly including us.


  100. 100
    Chet says:

    At this point, and maybe it’s just the gin talking, I’d say that a lot of our political discussion is dominated by one group fixated on rationalizing and justifying our position in the world. The group that requires the most fervent and heartfelt rationalizations forms the current rump of the Republican party.

    Loath as I am to spring to the defense of “the current rump of the Republican party”, it isn’t Joe Teabagger drinking himself senseless right now while holidaying in Cambodia. Kindly attend to the beam in thine own eye.

  101. 101
    different-church-lady says:

    @Ben Franklin: Ah, apparently I’m in your crawlspace. Not something I ever wanted, mind, but I suppose it’s ever-so-slightly better than being unnoticed.

  102. 102
    Ben Franklin says:


    Well, if you must know, it’s more like a chilly basement as to aesthetics.
    But everyone has to get laid occasionally, and you’re no exception.

  103. 103
    different-church-lady says:

    @Ben Franklin: You’re sweet, but I’d rather we just keep this platonic.

  104. 104
    gorram says:

    @different-church-lady: Meanwhile, in Kazakhstan, it’s -8 C.

  105. 105
    different-church-lady says:

    @gorram: I’ll admit that’s pretty damn cold, but Kazakhstan is more “second world” than third.

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