I was not kidding:
And I only know what a shillelagh is because of years as a misspent youth reading sci-fi and playing AD&D.
No, not the Mountaineers, but my fraternity boys. The dorms are still closed and the caf is shut so I have three boys crashing here tonight, so they came for the Bama/Auburn and WVU games (followed by the Penguins), so I just picked up two of those pre-cooked roaster chickens from the grocery, some mashed potato packets (I’m lazy tonight), and some broccoli.
Told them they had to cook, and I even got the right pots out for them to steam the broccoli. Here is what happened.
One of them filled the steamer pot almost all the way to the top, instead of just an inch of water, so that when you dropped the steamer basket in, you were essentially boiling the broccoli. I was in the living room, and I kept yelling “It isn’t steaming yet?” without realizing what was going on. But wait, it gets better.
He decided he wanted broccoli and cheese, so, in his infinite wisdom, he dropped a half lb of shredded mozz INTO the boiling steaming concoction. Once he was convinced all the ingredients were completely dead, he then drained the mixture into a pot and went to work on the mashed potatoes.
This is a bag of mashed potatoes. You pour two cups of water into a pot, bring it to a boil, and add the buds. He did that, but then decided he wanted cheesy potatoes, and, of course, dumped the other half lb of shredded mozz into it. I told him once the water was boiling to add the buds and whisk it with a metal whisk, and so he did.
I now have a steamer that is completely clogged with mozz, a pot with a substance that rivals crazy glue and gum, and a whisk that is completely clogged with a cement like combination of cheese and mashed potatoes and more closely resembles a shillelagh. How did a country this obese manage to do so without any cooking skills. How do you get fat eating shit like that? I don’t even want a bite of it.
The frat boys have a wish list of things they want from the alums, and on the list (along with couches, pool table, etc.) are kitchen appliances. I’m taking them off the list before they hurt themselves.
Auburn-Alabama is awfully interesting — Tigers just tied it up. The Dawgs just pulled within three after playing dead for a half. Go ‘Bama! Go Dawgs! Go ‘Cocks! Go Mizzou!
As for non-SEC teams, I guess I’m hoping UCLA and Stanford win, but I’m not very invested. I hope both TN and USC lose because both were stupid enough to hire Lane Kiffin.
PS: Looks like Coles’s team is winning. I’ll root for them for his sake. Go ‘Eers!
Someone in the last thread wanted more Snowden, so here’s the latest:
Top secret documents retrieved by U.S. whistleblower Edward Snowden show that Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s government allowed the largest American spy agency to conduct widespread surveillance in Canada during the 2010 G8 and G20 summits.
The documents are being reported exclusively by CBC News.
The briefing notes, stamped “Top Secret,” show the U.S. turned its Ottawa embassy into a security command post during a six-day spying operation by the National Security Agency while U.S. President Barack Obama and 25 other foreign heads of government were on Canadian soil in June of 2010.
The covert U.S. operation was no secret to Canadian authorities.
The reason this is a big deal is that the Canadian version of the NSA, the CSEC, is prohibited by law from spying on Canadians without a warrant, and also prohibited from tasking the NSA to do it. So it looks like some laws may have been broken Here’s the Globe and Mail’s piece on the CSEC.
The leaks came from Greenwald. I’ll save the haters some typing by linking to this:
“Greenwald is a Brazilian-based former porn industry executive, now assisting Edward Snowden leak national security information.”
Before turning his attention to writing books targeting the U.S. George Bush administration and Republican politicians, Greenwald owned sites such as Hairy Jocks and Hairy Studs. Greenwald is now the sole journalist with full access to Snowden’s document trove.
That’s from Canada’s answer to the NY Post, the Toronto Sun. The Sun is making hay over the fact that the CBC paid Greenwald $1,500 as a freelancer for access to Snowden’s story.
Buses weren’t running on Wednesday, so the coach at Edison Tech, a city high school, arranged for a school bus to pick up his boys at a central meeting spot on Main Street in Rochester to take them to a scrimmage with another school. While the boys were standing around waiting, this is what the cops said they did:
The police report says the students were obstructing “pedestrian traffic while standing on a public sidewalk…preventing free passage of citizens walking by and attempting to enter and exit a store…Your complainant gave several lawful clear and concise orders for the group to disperse and leave the area without compliance.”
Three of the boys were arrested, the coach was threatened with arrest, and the coach was told by one of the police officers that the cop wished he had a big enough vehicle to arrest the whole team. The parents of the boys who were arrested had to post $200 bail to get them out in time for Thanksgiving.
The interview with the coach is worth watching because he’s clearly pained by the whole thing.
Some great football on tap today: Ohio State vs. Michigan. Duke vs. North Carolina. Georgia vs. Georgia Tech. Notre Dame vs. Stanford. Clemson vs. South Carolina. Texas A&M vs. Missouri. And of course, Alabama vs. Auburn.
Then there are my truly awful 4-7 Florida Gators — the first UF team to fail to make it to a bowl since 1990, a squad just coming off its first loss to an FCS opponent last week — vs. our archrival, unbeaten #2 Florida State. The Gators are a 27-point underdog. Which seems kind of generous.
Will the Gators take all the disappointment, disrespect and negativity as inspiration and pull off the most stunning upset of the year? Almost certainly not, but that possibility will keep me watching.
I think Ohio State will handle Michigan and Duke will prevail against NC. Georgia will triumph over Georgia Tech, and Mizzou will beat Texas A&M. The ‘Cocks will crow after downing Clemson, and Alabama will win in a squeaker over Auburn.
What are y’all watching today? Any predictions? Oh, and feel free to slag on my Gators all you want, of course; just remember that what goes around comes around.
Okay, you’re driving down the highway and see a car that has crashed into someone’s house. What do you do? Stop and help? Make sure everyone’s okay? Then go on your merry way?
If you’re one of the privileged princelings pooped out by Mrs. Mitt, you apparently also ask someone at the scene to take a picture of your grinning, devil-eyed mug next to the crash vehicle then tweet a self-aggrandizing account of your own heroism:
Was first on scene to big accident, see pic of car in the house. I lifted 4 people out to safety. All ok. Thankful.
According to the cops, none of the car’s four occupants were injured, and the homeowner was also okay:
“When our officers arrived, the driver of the car was getting out of the car,” Hoyal told TPM. “Romney was on the scene and was there in the house with these individuals. Our officers and Romney helped get these individuals outside and to medical attention.”
Hoyal said the four passengers did not need to be taken to the hospital and were “checked at the scene and released.”
Does it sound a bit like the cops were puncturing Romney’s initial account, taking pains to emphasize that Romney didn’t “lift four people out to safety” in a single bound, all by himself? Maybe Utah is as sick of the Romneys as the rest of us. But given his parentage, perhaps it’s not surprising that young Romney has an inflated sense of his own centrality to events.
The Romneys seem to inhabit a reverse Walter Mitty universe, living fantastically privileged lives where all the skids are greased, all the jobs are hobbies and failure is literally not an option but yet somehow imagining themselves as courageous achievers. On what other planet would you expect to be lionized for lavishing billions of federal dollars to “rescue” the SLC Olympic Games or have your $70K tax write-off dancing horse considered a therapy appliance?
… for the children, or at least the child. Younger daughter will be a high school sophomore, and the defense is that she may not want to give up her friends, again.
Also both parents rule out running for elective office, which of course doesn’t eliminate the Supreme Court, now does it? (Via Washington Monthly‘s Ed Kilgore, who has a different suggestion for Michelle’s next step.)
Apart from enlivening Glenn Beck’s worst phantasies (and other increasingly stale leftovers), what’s on the agenda for the day?
Video after the break:
Absolutely completely 100% awake and can not sleep, so I was going through my music archives, and I found…
How the hell did that get in there? I feel so dirty.
The joke in the army was that we had John Wayne toilet paper as standard issue- rough and tough and won’t take shit off no one. Well, the other night we talked about Fergus, Unabogie’s 20 year old buddy who moved on. Tonight, he sends me an email that he came home with this straight up menace:
Say hi to Amelia Pond. That little chick is rough and tough and ain’t taking shit off no one. You can just tell.
I love it when people lose a pet and get back in the saddle again. I have no idea what else you would do.
Movie night tonight. Avoiding turkey like the plague and eating chicago dogs, chips, and baked beans while tussling with Steve, who is needier than usual.
From Esquire‘s Tom Junod and Mark Warren, a tale about fighting cancer, being brave because there’s no other choice, and the dubious honor of having a fly created in your genetic image:
On May 7 of this year, I received a Facebook message from a woman named Stephanie Lee:
Hey Mark, I found that I have colon cancer today. I go for surgery Thursday morning. Please keep me in your prayers.
At the time, Stephanie was thirty-six and lived on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi, in the town of Ocean Springs. I had met her eight years before, when I worked with Tom Junod on a story for Esquire (“Mississippi Goddamn,” November 2005) about how Hurricane Katrina had affected military families already enduring the calamities of the war in Iraq—the families whose suffering had been doubled by the wind and the rain and the floods. Junod and I met Stephanie at her grandmother’s house in Lucedale, Mississippi, where she told her story. She was a small woman who worked as a pipe fitter at the Northrop Grumman shipyard, a fine-boned beauty with an intimidating reserve of tensile strength, a single mother whose face settled easily into stoicism and whose eyes lit up with challenge and dare. She’d spent most of her life bedeviled by inconstant men until she met Terrance Lee where she worked. He was a welder. He was younger than Stephanie, and quiet, but she thought he was like her in that he had a plan for making something of himself. Like her, he’d joined the Mississippi National Guard. They married and she e-mailed with him every night after he was called to Iraq in January 2005. She was seven months pregnant when his Humvee went over an IED. She was nine months pregnant when Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, and she got in her truck with her husband’s .45 and drove nearly eight hours on snarled roads to Shreveport to find a generator so that her baby—Terrance’s baby—wouldn’t have to be born in darkness. Three days later, she gave birth to Marchelle, who never stopped reminding Stephanie both of her life with Terrance and of the impossibility of life without him…
A week later came another. I am well. The surgery went great, just waiting for the biopsy to find out if the cancer spread to my lymphoid. I’m sore and tired and feel so helpless right now, but I know it will get better.
A week after that: I have to have chemo, Mark. Keep me in your prayers.
Stephanie was not alone. She had her seventeen-year-old daughter, Kamri, a student at the local high school, and she had Marchelle. She had friends and an aunt with whom she was close. Thanks to Terrance, she also had health insurance. Thanks to Terrance, she was able to walk into the Keesler Air Force Base Medical Center in Biloxi and receive treatment for a cost no greater than the utterance of a number. It was the last four digits of Terrance’s Social Security number, and now it was her number, for her war. She had stage-three colon cancer. Following the surgery to remove the tumor from her colon, her oncologist wanted to treat her as aggressively as possible—six months of a combination of toxic chemicals known as FOLFOX6, administered every two weeks through a port installed between her left breast and her collarbone. The port was implanted under her skin on June 10, a week before her chemotherapy was set to start. It was supposed to be minor surgery, but two days later Stephanie woke up in such agony that there was fear that perhaps the surgeon who had installed the port had accidentally perforated her chest wall. He hadn’t, but the news was even worse. She went to Keesler for a CT scan, and after she was done, she was waiting in the ER and an attending physician walked into the room. She said, “You know it’s in your liver, right?”…
Cranky curmudgeon Mark ‘Copyranter‘ Duffy (nobody’s favorite coworker) tells Gawker the “TOP 10 BEST EVER WTF OMG REASONS BUZZFEED FIRED ME, LOL!”:
I achieved the near-impossible Monday morning, October 7, at approximately 9:30 am. I got fired from BuzzFeed…
BuzzFeed editor-in-chief Ben Smith called me into his office via GChat and said something like, “This is just not working out, your stuff. Let’s just say, it’s ‘creative differences.'” (I paraphrase, but he most certainly used the c and d words.)…
I was “officially” fired at my apartment on Halloween, via a letter delivered by UPS. Inside the envelope were two copies of the legal document, one to sign and return and another for my records. Both copies had CUTE stickers affixed to the first page.
I did not LOL.
I know for a fact that there are more appropriate varieties of sticky notes in the BuzzFeed office supply cabinet that do not have “CUTE” printed on them, including white ones with a ghosted red BuzzFeed logo.
A 53-year-old man, BuzzFeed’s oldest ever employee, jobless and without health insurance? CUTE as a fucking bug’s ear. Not as CUTE: Making your advertising critic disappear posts that criticize the advertisements of big advertisers, which Ben Smith did to me on at least one occasion. BuzzFeed has a “no haters” hiring policy and an overweening desire to draw big-name advertisers into its “community” of users, in exchange for money. Which makes ranting about ads professionally for the site a complicated endeavor. At which I FAILed…
So… Whatever the tribulations of your life, at least you do not work for Ben Smith, former Politico cheerleader and, according to Yasha Levine, dedicated Kochsucker. Who probably congratulates himself on having measurably increased mindshare for the brand with Duffy’s latest rant, because if one could literally show one’s arse in the Media Village, Smith would get a trampstamp reading BROUGHT TO YOU BY ____________ . Previous generations might complain ‘I owe my soul to the company store’; our new Social Betters have solved that problem by not having souls to sell.
Apart from tryptophan comas and yelling at clouds, what’s on the agenda for the evening?
Reader BG sends in this little piece of sadness about the effect of the lack of political ads on TV stations’ bottom lines:
According to data compiled by Pew Research, some big companies have suffered major revenue losses this year due to the lack of political advertising. The Washington Post Co., which owns six local television stations, saw an 18 percent revenue decline this year, with a $16 million loss in political ad money. Scripps, which owns 19 local television stations, amassed just $1 million in political ad revenue in the third quarter of this year, compared with nearly $33 million during the same period in 2012. Seven major companies in total showed significant declines in revenue this year compared with last year.
I’ve had a DVR for years and I don’t watch a lot of sports, so I miss most political commercials. I doubt that I’m the only one. Still, it’s an easy way for deep-pocket PACs to spend lots of money, so they’ll be back next year.
While the church’s image suffered badly, the other reason the Mormon church was sitting out last year’s gay marriage debates was so that it would not jeopardize in any way shape or form what was deemed the “Mormon moment”. That was their long-held desire to elect the first Mormon US president, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. That plan went up in smoke after he lost badly to President Obama a year ago.
Now that Romney is not a factor anymore, the Mormon church is back fighting same-sex marriage. We discovered two letters that were read to all Mormon church members in Hawaii as the state was considering whether to legalize same sex marriage. The letters signed by high-ranking Mormon leaders asked church members to give of their “time and means” in order to defeat a bill. […]